 Now, it's our Miss Brooks starring Eve Arden. Well, most women hope to meet the right man someday and settle down for a lifetime of wedded bliss. So it's been with our Miss Brooks who teaches English at Madison High School. When she first met Mr. Philip Boynton, Madison's biology teacher, she felt that here at last was just what the doctor ordered. That was six years ago, and Mr. Boynton still hasn't read the prescription. In fact, lately I suspected that Mr. Boynton was carrying on a flirtation with someone else. At breakfast Thursday morning, I voiced my suspicions to my landlady. Connie Brooks, are you inferring that Mr. Boynton has found greener pastures? I can't tell you whether they're greener or not until I find out where he's grazing. But there's one consolation. I'm not the only female at Madison who's having boyfriend trouble. Several of my girl pupils are complaining too. You mean there's an epidemic of infidelity? An epidemic named Dolores Roberts. She transferred from another school a couple of weeks ago. Isn't that the girl Walter Denton mentioned the other day, the one he referred to as Madison High's answer to the H bomb? That's her all right. I don't know what school she transferred from, but I'm sure of one thing. They had a whale of a course in man handling. My goodness. She sounds like a little pepper pot. Oh, that must be Walter Denton to pick me up. Come on in, Walter. He's such a sweet boy. Good morning, Miss Brooks. Mrs. Davis. Well, it's Harriet Conklin. This is quite a surprise, Harriet. Walter Calden said he couldn't pick you up this morning, Miss Brooks, so I drove by. That was very considerate, Harriet. Would you like something to eat? No, thanks. I've had breakfast. Then if you'll excuse me, I've got to clean up in the kitchen. See you later, dear. Bye, Mrs. Davis. I'll just finish this sip of coffee and get ready, Harriet. But before we go, Miss Brooks, there's something I've got to discuss with you. Oh, what is it? It's Walter Denton. I'm worried about that boy. I don't blame you. The way he eats, he's digging his own... I've got nothing to do with that, Miss Brooks. It's this new girl, Dolores Roberts. I think he's infatuated with her. Why should he be an exception? Most of the male youth at Madison are making goo goo eyes at her. But I wouldn't worry about Walter if I were you, Harriet. I'm sure it's just a passing fancy. I wish I could be sure of that. But there's only one way I can be, and that's if you'll do me a terrific favor, Miss Brooks. Me? Yes. If I talk to Dolores about Walter, it wouldn't do any good. She'd probably just laugh at me. But if you were to discourage her about it... Now, wait a minute, Harriet. You know I don't like to mix into the personal affairs of any of my students. But this girl isn't even a real student yet. She's just looking the place over to see if it'll suit her. Oh, you've got to do me this favor, Miss Brooks. After all, you're sophisticated. Worldly wise. Knowledgeable, charming, beautiful. I tell you what I'll do, Harriet. You keep talking to me, and I'll keep talking to her. There's Dolores now, Miss Brooks, in front of the school, in the center of that crowd of boys. Well, I'm going in now, Miss Brooks. Remember, I'm counting on you to straighten things out for me. Oh, but Harriet, I... Good luck, Miss Brooks. Oh, great. Dolores is in the center, and I'm in the middle. Oh, Dolores. Dolores Roberts. I can't understand it. All you had to do was look through the baseball hockey and track teams, and there I was. Now, as a rule, I don't butt in to my students' personal life, but since you're new at Madison, and your popularity with the boys is so spectacular, I thought it only fair to warn you. Warning? About what? About Walter Denton. Don't you see, Dolores, the quickest way to lose your popularity is by running around with the wrong crowd, and as far as you're concerned, Walter Denton is definitely the wrong crowd. Miss Brooks, I'm beginning to smell a wrath. Oh, now he's not that bad. Franklin puts you up to this entire conversation. Why, Dolores Roberts, how can you make such a fantastically accurate charge? I mean, you mustn't think that I'm trying to... Excuse me for interrupting, Miss Brooks, but you can just tell Harriet Conklin for me that all's fair in love and war. Oh, but, Dolores, I... Harriet should have known better than to ask for help. That's where women like you and me are so superior. Nobody hears you yelping in pain just because Mr. Boynton's been over to see my mother every night this past week. Yipe! He's been over to see your mother? Yes. Didn't you know? No, Dolores. I didn't. But as you say, all's fair in love and war. I said Mr. Boynton had spent every evening of the past week with the mother of Dolores, men, or such children, Roberts. I was about ready to hit the ceiling, preferably with Mr. Boynton's head. But when I met him for lunch in the school cafeteria, I had calmed down considerably. And it was apparent that he wanted to be forgiven for breaking our date on the previous night. I'm sorry I broke that date with you last night, Miss Brooks, but it was unavoidable. After all, when somebody new comes to your town, you want to make them feel at home. You want to make them feel at home. I want to make them wish they'd stayed home. Oh, I know you've been seeing Dolores, Roberts' mother. Well, the truth of the matter is that I've been giving Mrs. Roberts driving lessons. Well, not that I'm interested, but what happened after you were through giving her lessons? Well, somehow or other, we just seemed to wind up in her living room. Oh, I see. First you give lessons, then you get lessons. That is going to someone's living room to finish your driving instruction doesn't seem like a necessity to me. Now, with Phoebe it is. Uh, I mean, well... Well, this isn't fair, Miss Brooks. Actually, Mrs. Roberts doesn't mean a thing to me. I'll bet she doesn't, good ol' Phoebe. Now, please, you should know that when it comes to anything really important, the first person I think of is you. You do, Mr. Boynton? Of course I do. Take tonight, for instance. I've got something of an extremely personal nature to attend to, and you're the only one I'd ever ask to help me. Oh, really, Mr. Boynton? What do you want me to do tonight? Well, Millie, one of my favorite white mice, died yesterday. I thought you'd help me bury her. You romantic fool, you... Well, you picked the right assistant. Connie Brooks, the friendly undertaker. Now, don't tease me about it. I was very fond of that mouse, and she died in the interest of science. Well, where are you going to bury her? In that little patch of ground behind the athletic field. You know, where I put Agnes and Mabel, all the guinea pigs and mice whom I consider martyrs for the march of science. But I'm practically finished, and you're not even touching your lunch, Miss Brooks. There's something about this conversation that's not conducive to eating a cheese sandwich. Tell me, Mr. Boynton, does Mr. Conklin know about this secret burial plot of yours? Oh, certainly not, Miss Brooks. He never condoned using school property for such a purpose. As a matter of fact, he's getting a bit suspicious. He came by my lab only this morning and wanted to know what the shovel was doing there. What did you tell him? You were waiting for a gold rush? No, I just said I was going to do some planting. Well, that beats lying. Looks like we're having company for lunch. Walter Denton's coming over. Salutations most air you died faculty members. Never mind the flattery, Walter. Your final exams will still be judged on their merits. Oh, there's nothing like building up a little backlog of goodwill. Well, I completed the wooden box for milling in shop class, Mr. Boynton. Oh, thanks a lot, Walter. Miss Brooks is going to help out tonight, too. Now, if you'll both excuse me for a moment, I'm going to get some milk. You want something, Miss Brooks? No, I've still got this donut to toy with, Mr. Boynton. Thanks. Oh, I'll see you later, then. Ah, swell guy, Mr. Boynton. Salt of the earth. Yes, he has been a little salty lately. Which reminds me, Walter, I hear you're something of a Don Juan yourself these days. Don Juan? Me? You're not going to deny your interest in the certain Dolores Roberts, are you? Deny it? I'll dish. So you are smitten. Oh, I wouldn't say I'm smitten. It's just that whenever she comes near me, my undershirt crawls up and down my back like a Venetian blind. That's a good way to judge a girl's appeal. Look, Walter, you'll have to excuse me now. I see Harriet leaving the cafeteria, and I want a word with her before she goes. Oh, better you than me, Miss Brooks. Harriet's a bit miffed at me these days, but I'll make it up to her after she cools off. I'm sure you will, Walter. See you later. Okay, Miss Brooks, and thanks for being so understanding. It's my specialty. Harriet, Harriet Conklin. Oh, hi, Miss Brooks. How did you make out in your little talk with Dolores this morning? All I accomplished, Harriet, was to find out that you and I are in the same boat. Mr. Boynton's been going with the mother and walled her with the daughter. Well, listen, Miss Brooks, we've got to put our heads together and think of a way out. Can I come over to your place tonight? Tonight? No, Harriet. I've got something to do tonight. I'm helping Mr. Boynton bury Millie. Dad, pardon? It's his latest scientific casualty. Millie's a white mouse, and I promised I'd help him bury her next to Agnes and Mabel behind the athletic field. Oh, but you mustn't breathe a word of this to your father. He doesn't know about it. Oh, don't worry, Miss Brooks. I won't tell Daddy anything. If Mr. Boynton is going to... Wait a minute. I've got it. I think I've got the perfect plan. What is it, Harriet? I'll tell you later, Miss Brooks. What an idea. What an idea! I'm sure we're alone in the house, Mrs. Robert. Well, yes, Harriet. Why? Well, I don't like to barge in on people like this, but since you're new in town and you've been seeing Mr. Boynton, I thought I'd better put you on your guard. Yes, I wouldn't want you to end up the way Agnes and Millie and the other women in his life did. What are you talking about? What happened to them? That's what the FBI would like to know. The FBI? In the past five years, almost every woman who's gone out with Mr. Boynton has disappeared. Well, this is preposterous. Someone must have some notions to where those women can be found. Oh, we've got a notion all right, but I'm afraid you'd have to dig up half the athletic field to prove anything. However, you could prove something to yourself tonight. Tonight? Huh? Well, as I say, his latest girlfriend, Millie, disappeared just a few days ago. And this morning, I heard Mr. Boynton say he had a little work to do behind the athletic field tonight. So, a word to the wise, Mrs. Roberts. A word to the wise? What an idea. What an idea. Hello, Principal's office. Mr. Boynton is a good conker in himself speaking. Who? Oh, what can I do for you, Mrs. Roberts? What? What do I know about Mr. Boynton's private life? Well, outside of the fact that he's going with one of our teachers, a Miss Brooks, I'm afraid I don't know anything. What's that? Has she disappeared? No, such luck. I mean, of course she hasn't disappeared. Who? Agnes? Millie? He's never mentioned them to me. Why? They've all vanished. But what happened to them? Oh, I see. He buried them all near the athletic field. Well, that's a very simple matter. He buried them all near the athletic field. But Mrs. Roberts, this is positive. Wait, wait, wait a minute. He did have a shovel in his laboratory this morning. What? Tonight? Yes, of course, Mrs. Roberts. What an idea. What an idea. Well, because of Harriet Conklin's little story, Mrs. Roberts and Mr. Conklin suspected that they might have a blue beard in their midst, a blue beard who's been burying his victims all over the school athletic field. However, later that night, all that Miss Brooks and Mr. Boynton are doing is burying his pet mouse, Millie. Well, there, we're almost finished. Now I'll just smooth out this dirt a bit. Well, if you'll excuse me a minute, Mr. Boynton, I'd like to look for a stone to mark Millie's final resting place. A good idea, Miss Brooks. I'll have this job done by the time you're back. My buddy, your buddy. Just a few more pets. Well, good evening, Boynton. Mr. Conklin, what are you doing here at this time of night? My question exactly, Boynton. What are you doing here at this time of night? Well, sir, now that you've caught me with the good, so to speak, I might as well confess the truth. I'm burying Millie. Burying Millie? And it's true. Well, I didn't think you really mined, Mr. Conklin. You didn't, what? Oh, I meant, once you got used to the idea, Boynton, do you mean to tell me... Boynton, I found a rock almost... Why, Mr. Conklin? Miss Brooks, what are you doing here? Well, I... Oh, it's all right, Miss Brooks. Mr. Conklin knows about it. Of course, as I suspected, he doesn't wholly approve of what I'm doing. Doesn't wholly approve? I abhor what you're doing! But is Miss Brooks in on this, too? Oh, sure, I usually help him with the digging. Usually. Then there were others besides Millie. Oh, yes, at least a dozen. A dozen? Well, I hate to quibble with you, Miss Brooks, but I'd say there are closer to two dozen scattered around here. Two dozen buried under my athletic field? Boynton, why? Why did you do it? You couldn't expect him to leave them lying around his lab, could you? Did you feel any remorse, Boynton? Well, naturally, sir. When you're as close to them as I was, you hate to see them go. Particularly this last one, Millie, with her fuzzy white ears and beady little eyes. Oh, she certainly was a lively one, all right. I'll say she was lively. Couldn't keep her still a minute. She was always hopping all over the place. But, you know, I think Agnes and Harry were just as cute. Harry? Yes, we were wild about Harry. And Harry was wild about... Oh, silence! Mrs. Roberts? Keep your eye on the road, Phoebe. It isn't true about Millie and the others, is it, Mr. Conklin? Gosh, do you know about it, too? Bad news sure travels fast. I'm afraid it is true, Mrs. Roberts. If you're here to help with the digging, you're too late. Who is this? This is Miss Brooks. She assists him. It's so unbelievable how many were there. He says 24. 24? Give a dozen, take a dozen. I can't believe that... Oh, everyone, I... Oh, Mr. Conklin, Mrs. Roberts, what are you doing here? Never mind that, Denton. What are you doing here? Oh, I came over to see if I could lend a hand. You mean you know what's going on, too? Oh, yes, sir. Oh, yeah, I consider it a privilege to study under a master like Mr. Boynton. In fact, I am seriously considering following in his footsteps. This is beyond belief. Oh, and to think I let my little girl go out with this monster. Well, I've heard all I need to. I'm removing my daughter from this school immediately, Mr. Conklin. I wouldn't risk her life on my own with these things another minute. And as far as I'm concerned, if we can leave this town by tomorrow, we'll do it. Good night. Oh, Mrs. Roberts, wait, wait, wait. Oh, let her go, Mr. Conklin. She's too excitable. Too excitable? We must be to carry on that way about a few white mice and guinea pigs. White mice and... You mean that's what you've been burying out here, white mice and guinea pigs? What did you think we were burying people? You don't have to answer that question, Mr. Conklin. We know that's what you thought. And Mrs. Roberts thinks the same thing. Well, if that's the case, I've got to stop her, tell her the truth. Oh, no you don't. Your daughter Harriet concocted this idea because she didn't like the attention Walter was paying to Dolores. If you try to explain to Mrs. Roberts now, she'll think you were in on the scheme. Me? But why should she think that? Why? All together, boys. Because that's what we'll tell her. Our Miss Brooke, starring E. Barton, was produced and directed by Larry Burns, written by Arthur Arlsberg and Al Lewis with the music of Lud Bluskin. Mr. Conklin was played by Gail Gordon. This program came to you from the Frankfurt Studios of the American Forces Network Europe and was prepared to rebroadcast over this network by specialist Rich Kuhlman.