 Greetings, everyone. This is James P. Madonna of Megalife 21 and Progressive Discussions. And before I go on to do my next video talk show, I am stopping by from my immediate area off Route 17 south in Hasbrook Heights, New Jersey, the one and only, the famous Bendick Steiner, as seen on the Jerry Seinfeld Netflix series, Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. That's right. It is in my close area and I love it here. Outstanding food, outstanding coffee, and I will go in soon before I go on to do my next show. James P. Madonna of Megalife 21 and Progressive Discussions here. And aside from the famous Bendick Steiner in Hasbrook Heights, New Jersey, Route 17 south, right behind the famous Teterboro Airport where everyone with private jets lands who wish to visit New York City. We are right next door, directly next door to the famous Bananas Comedy Club in the Holiday Inn on Route 17 south in Hasbrook Heights, New Jersey. And there it is. The famous Bananas Comedy Club with a very highly rated Gabriel's Restaurant. I mentioned that. I'm going to get a whole history of Piss Clam now. Well, there's a giant Piss Clam that Asian people love called a gooey duck. It's a big shlong. It's about this big. Oh, speaking of gooey duck, it's funny that it's called gooey duck. That's what happens when you ejaculate, right? I don't know. You know, are you familiar with the Piss Clam? It's a steamer. It's a clam with a big shlong sticking out. No, it's not. And you have to peel the foreskin off before you leave. Just hold it and it pees, frees. No, I've eaten them. I've eaten them. It does have a thing sticking out. Yes, it does. It has a shlong. It has a pecker. Stop it. Stop it. I'm going to look it up on Google. You keep going on. No, I know seafood. This guy is trying to tell me about seafood. You worked at Pathmark for ten years. I mean, you know seafood. My aunt and uncle used to use them in a Chesapeake Bay for chump. They squirt little girls in the beach when I was a kid. They have a pecker. It may be a zybe, but not the ones I held, and they peed all over the place. That's true. There you go. That's true. Come on. Come on. Nature's fascinating. But don't make stuff up. Everything's about cats and dogs. There's lots of creatures. But don't make stuff up that they have a pecker sticking out. They don't. You haven't seen this Piss Clam's I've seen. Why, you haven't seen the ones I've seen? No, sometimes they go in. Yes. Like George Costanzo when he was in a cold, ice cold show. I know. I know. Don't describe that whole episode now. This guy is so anti-talk and anti-communication. I am. I am. He really is. I am. You used to love to play. No, and I've seen the... It's funny you watch TV. And so you hear the people saying, Stop it. Stop it. You know what? Let me get my personal space. Let me get my... Let me get my personal space so I can flap my jaw all I want. Now I got a First Amendment freedom of speech. That's like... I'm where I am. Over here I can't... Well, if I was there, I couldn't see much either, right? No, it's not... It's not exactly that. I never said it was... No. I said shlong. What's the difference? It's because it looks like one. It doesn't mean it is. Anything sticking out? Yes, they do. I swear, I'm gonna say photos of them. I'm from Google. I'm gonna keep them on my phone. He's telling me that they don't have anything sticking out. When I go to the Korean market, they have a live tank with gooey ducks in there. Oh, I will look it up. Right this second? You're trying to put it off. Put it up. Put us off. I will know. I will do it. Oh, by the way, did you get your apartment yet? No. Oh, that I know. Oh, how are you making out with your anti-hording campaign of throwing things out? I don't believe you. Two more expired coupons. This is without a doubt, a maniacal Thursday madness. It's Thursday, isn't it? You know what? You see, you have to look at an item in your apartment or your purse and you've got to say, do I really need this or will I ever need it someday? Well, that's a problem. I just might. So they should keep everything? No. A whole bunch? What's a bunch? How many is a bunch? How many? Fifteen. You know what? That is an improvement for us. Fifteen. We'll make it thirty next time. You know what? That's a good question. Did she really give it a fifteen? That's more than... See, it changed the number. Double the pleasure, double the fun. Eileen, pay attention. There's nothing over there for you to look at. There's only things for guys to look at, sometimes. I'll be Ray Wolfson. Ray, Ray. You and your thing that you twirl around doesn't know what it's talking about. Oh really? It scares you. It doesn't scare me. You wouldn't believe in God and not that toy. In God, huh? You wouldn't believe in God, that's your problem though. Maybe that's your problem you do. Is there a difference between God and Gord, like Archie Bunker used to call him Gord? Like, give me a little Goyle, sit on my lap. Is God sometimes referred to as Gord, like Archie Bunker? A lot of things are different with Archie Bunker. Archie Bailer. Oh, by the way, you're going to laugh at what I'm going to tell you. I was conversing with a Philippine woman, you know what she said to me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said, wait a minute, that sounds familiar. And I told her why. I said about a friend named Joseph. She says, are you making fun of my English? I literally grew up a lot of people. Do they like it? My not sure, as we say it. No, Jimmy. You don't want to know anything. When I told the Philippine woman, yeah, you have to be an Asian thing. It's really an Asian thing. But she's not Chinese. She said, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's interesting. That's not, that's not... Raise it your hand. Her phone. You're telling me that nice iPhone, Apple iPhone that you showed me, is that home? That's fine. I keep it in. Does that make sense, Marlene? That's not making sense. That makes sense. What if somebody... Everybody calls me a daughter. Why do they have to call you at home? Why can't they call you when you're out of your house? You don't want to be, shouldn't be bothered. I'm talking like, I'm squinting like Gilbert Gottfried. Now why, what if you really get an important call, like personal, like family? That means you're at home. Or, better yet, just keep the app. I use it for texting too. But you don't text when you're out? Not really. Did you really throw out a stack of expired crocans? For real. For real, right? You get the same benefit from the downy to the west by a priest? That's not even needed. You know how rare that that particular medallion is? I haven't even seen it online. How much less did it cost? Well, you know, it's not a question of the spent. It's a question of how often I've seen it, which I've never seen it before. No, I didn't spend much. It didn't cost me much. I'll never tell, I'm not saying I paid a lot for it. I'm saying it's heavy, it's fancy, and it's big. I had never seen one like that, ever. Most of them are small. So, in other words, get the priest in front of you and have him blessed. I have the ritual to bless it. If you want, I can email it to you. You say words, and then at the end, you sprinkle the holy water on it yourself. She told us she had it blessed, by the way. Why did you tell us you did it? But the other one is deluxe. The other one is big and fancy-looking. He saw it. I have one in my car hanging right now from the radio. No, but it's special. In other words, you go to Catholic Church sometimes. Why don't you bring it Saturday? Yeah, that's a whole other issue. She's got to get that thing blessed. Why don't I email you the link, and you click on it, and you could say the prayer yourself, and then you've got the water, if it really is holy water. If I was you, I would go to your church Saturday and fill it up. But is it somebody else fill it? Don't believe it. Maybe they took it from the toilet. Or their kitchen sink. When somebody tells you something, take it with a grain of salt. No pun intended. The salt queen herself. The salt queen herself. That's pretty funny. The salt queen herself. Oh my God. Who tells more fibs? Donald Trump or you? Well, a fib is like a little white lie. When you laugh and go, that's like when you get caught, right? She admitted it. You're right here. Listen, listen, listen. I'm honest. 98% of you're not. All kidding aside, there's a thrill. I didn't pay much for putting me down. But number two, I haven't seen them anywhere. So it's special. You've got it hanging over where you sleep. Like you said, you've got it hanging over your bed. Over where you're coming. You sleep on the couch? Yeah. Why? You don't have a battery? Gotcha. So in the wintertime, you're going to go back to the bedroom. Okay. Take it Saturday and, you know, out of the package and have the jabroni. You know, or you can do it. I could send you the link. You know, what's your email? Anyway, let the priest do it then. But don't forget, you know, you're not a little kid, so you're not in danger. Oh, gosh. I needed the coffee because my sister started asking me a thousand questions. I said, I can't do this now. I'm very busy trying to... You should have seen the mess I had to clean up. I had one cup because I had a doctor's appointment for my hernia procedure. I had to go to Fairlawn. Hernia, I got a set up for a holy name hospital. Hernia mesh. They had me in the system from the first procedure. Hernia, yeah. They said it's not from carelessness. It's hereditary. I was born with one on each side, on the right side and on the left side, a tiny hole. They said sometimes people are born with it. It's hereditary. I think you have a hernia of a face. What do you think, my lady? How good do you have the hernia of a face? One of a kind. Well, that must mean the mouth. That's an opening, so you must be talking about my mouth. A mesh? You mean like the... Somehow we're going to mesh your mouth, okay? Close these faces in here. That's what I say. Is that what you say? Remember the crooks in the old days just to put a nylon stocking over their head and their nose was like... That really disguised them. Well, Clark Kent, he did it with the glasses. Well, they worked. Nobody knew that George Reeves, that Clark Kent was Superman. Yes, they did. Not even Lois. She knew. He didn't even have a big plastic Chinazola attached to his glasses. He had ordinary glasses. What type of glasses? What? Cordon. Yes. What type of glasses do you think? They had a little cork to stick around. I tried these. Oh, give me strength. You know what the funny thing is? The funny thing is nobody ever... Nobody... The producer of the Superman series, nobody ever thought of how ridiculously low budget many of the things they did back then. Like the horror movies, some of them were really pathetic. The glasses on Clark Kent. Like... Nobody... It never crossed anyone's mind when they were producing these shows. You know, I mean, I understand Supe's sales putting a cartoon under a microscope telling people it was an amoeba. That was part of the comic. But, you know, you're a producer. You know how ridiculous a low budget production is. Right? That's right. Right? You are not. I got a better question. Does Arby's really have the meat? No. So, it's soybean that is made to look like Arby's. No. They're known for like smoked brisket and pulled pork. You know, veganism is not that bad. The Buddhist monks do it, right? No, they're very... They meditate a lot. They meditate a lot. Oh, my God! Yeah, but you should like that. That means you keep quiet when you meditate. That should be nice. Could I interest you too in some meditation? Now you're talking like Gilbert Goss. I am. This could be big. If you two could meditate, I'd be happy right now. Yes! Now, you know, you could actually get paid for at Banana's Comedy Club for doing that laugh in the front row. You mean to get rid of her? No. You could get it neither way. I'll be back. But that means you're expediting the process of meditation. I'll be back. I'll be back. But that means you're expediting the premises. I need to go out for some air. It's kind of the... I hate to say it, but how come when we're not having... when we're having a heat wave, the central air is not cranked up? When it's nice outside, it's cranked up. You notice that? Oh, they're repairing it. Well, it's long overdue that they're repairing it. You know that? Unbelievable. No, really, the piss clam really does have some kind of a projectile, a pecker, you know, sticking out. It really does have this shlong. It's not a penis. It's how they breathe. They breathe. Oh, no, I'm not complaining. I feel refreshed. You know? I rather have it this way than to not be able to breathe than to be like hot, you know? I don't like humidity. And, yeah, I don't care. Dry heat I can take. Not humidity. But, I'm glad that you're slowly learning that junk is really junk, and it should be ripped up and thrown out. I'm happy about that. You know, but in all seriousness, I've never seen the same Benedict medallion like that before. So, hang on to it. Because I'm hanging on to mine. Why? Fluids. Fluids. Who's next, though? Who's that? Who's your little friend? Aww. Hi. Cynthia? Hey, you got wet. Your leg is all wet. Hi. Oh, wait a minute. Hold on. Hold on. Let me get this napkin. Oh, will you stop? Stop. You're napped here. No, I know, I know. Do you think napkins grow on trees? They're made from trees, so stop it. I know. Oh, and you love this guy? Listen, listen. So you and Ray, you and Ray don't go to dinner or anything like that? Not even lunch? We're supposed to believe that, huh? Well, you and your crazy toy. That's crazy toy. Now it's a crazy toy. Then it was $4. You're so afraid of that thing? It's scary. When you said that $4 thing. $4 thing. You're so afraid of it. That's a lot of money. It wasn't $4. Yeah, no, that wasn't $4. That's priceless. As long as it's a historically documented item, it doesn't matter if it's $0.05, $1 or whatever. They're authentic. Like the hand I gave you? That hand? That's ancient. I looked it up. That's like from India and the Middle East. For the evil eye. She's afraid of it. You know they use that sound in the horror movie with the giant ants? They use that If you're not careful, I will catch a spell on your ass. If you're not careful, I will put a spell on your ass. You know, his spiritual advices? Don't insult them. Is Arlene afraid of you? They said no. Does Arlene believe in you? Yes. We're being invaded. Listen to that sound. So Arlene is not afraid of you at all. Hey, listen, little girl. I can make baby sounds. That's pretty talented. I can do baby sounds. You know what? We are being invaded. I don't know. Listen to that. Giant ants. No uncles just ants. Right. It's like anti-oxidant, uncle-oxidant. How come there's been articles about McDonald's protesting about sexual harassment cases? Why don't they protest about their salary and lack of benefits? Well, they do that too. Everybody is sexual harassment conscious nowadays. They're all like working on eggshells. You know, so what? You know, Kavanaugh was in high school. He was a teenager for God's sakes. You know how many bad things young boys do when they're young and in grammar school and in high school? No, no, not like that. They drop... Holding the girl to the bed and not over her hand My school guys drop their drawers in front of girls. That's stupid. That isn't anything but cool. But they're young. They get away with it. My buddy said ever since three little kids really you've always had girls around you. I wasn't a moron. I wasn't like the pack. No. No, you were a leader not a follower. Exactly. I just was cool and smooth. I didn't do jerk bag things. Like, wow, I dropped my pants. I'm really cool. Every girl wants to go out with me. Yeah, right. Oh my God, that sounds... I was standing over there this morning. The funny mouse came running out while I'm right by me. Still? Yeah. Don't figure that out. Topo Gigo. Why do you think he's here? You thought those were raisins in your food, huh? He's probably in the milkshake machine overnight, like with a straw. With the cockroaches? I don't like any creature with buck teeth. They don't have buck teeth. No, they don't. Like, Joe Jitsu. Mice don't have buck teeth. Well, they know. Well, that's the one. He's cute. I said, whoa, hey, buddy. You know what's cute? When a rodent goes on a wheel, exercise wheel. And they just go around. And they don't go anywhere. They just go around and around and around. Isn't that song spinning? Yeah, it does. Blood, sweat, and tears. Now, wasn't that Gary? Not Gary, fuck it, the other one. The righteous brothers. Blood, sweat, and tears. What goes? Don't go down spinning wheel. Must go around. You don't believe me? You got a phone? I'm not debating you. I know you know your music. What song would fit ideally? Clown's a little left of me. Left of me, jokers to the right here. I'm stuck in the middle with you. Stuck in the middle with you. Suffering, you damn pissing, piss clam bitch. Well, there was a lot of wacky songs that would have been great with her. That's the beauty of music industry. You can have the dumbest lyrics and make money. Remember Sky Rockets in Flight? Afternoon Delight. I like that song. Sky Rockets in Flight. Afternoon Delight. Afternoon Delight. You and Ray love that song. It was about two people having a role in the hay. It has nothing to do with hay. It has to do with intercourse. Sex, not hay. That's what country people used to say. What are they? They're talking. Oh, hay. She doesn't know what hay is. Now, what does that mean to you? Sky Rockets in Flight. Afternoon Delight. I heard Crickets. Afternoon Delight. No matter. You're like confused. Gee, like that's new. Crickets again. Billy Joel Pressure. Oh, yeah. Pressure. You're giving me your Peter Pan advice. Pressure. That was a cool song. That time. No more coffee, all right? No more coffee. Superman Where are you? I was Phil Collins. That was a good song, too. When they showed the puppet of Ronald Reagan. Remember? No. You know how you got a nice long sleeve damage. You're not going to throw it out in the garbage when it gets dirty, are you? I'll throw it inside out like my underwear. She doesn't believe me. My underwear. Oh, boy. I think she's in a lost for words. What's better, lost in space or lost for words? You're having a weird day, aren't you? If you were abducted by aliens and taken to the Andromeda Galaxy. How long before they returned you? Oh, I don't think you'd last that long. I think two minutes. You see that salsa go come right back. They use wormholes and they use interdimensional travel. They're putting your name on the Hall of Fame tile. Interdimensional. McDonald's Star of Fame. Eileen. Star of Fame. I think you should give them an autograph framed 8x10 glossy to hang up. You know how some of these diners have like a celebrities autograph 8x10 like a white hanging up. You know, Andrew Anderson actually offers a restaurant his 8x10 to hang up. Him and the Metal Maniac. His friend Jeff the Metal Maniac. Oh, no sexy. Most sexy. He's a nice guy. And Johnny Thunder. Johnny Thunder. Remember when I walked in? Billy? Johnny Thunder. Johnny Thunder was like he was so such a nervous wreck when he was dating this young valet from pro wrestling. John that was like old enough to be his daughter actually and he was dating her and you know as a young girl does they flirt. He would get so jealous he would get like bent out of shape. I says Johnny you can't she's young. I mean you can't control how you can't control other dudes from looking at her or trying to hit on her like a blonde pretty girl. You know what I'm saying? Kill them. Kill them. Shoot them. Yes you can. Pull a trigger. Teasing. A glance is not bad but staring is rude. Guy shouldn't really stare. Like you do to her? Oh yeah right. Stop the gulking. I speak to her when I look. I don't go like this. Yeah you do. How many times has he been in there? He's like What are you looking at? Yeah you do. That you sound like a punch drunk boxer. I'm demonstrating you. Show me how you do it. That's somebody who's drooling. Show me how you just did it. Or ugly. Is that a word? Stop changing. Just show me how you just did it. There you go. I don't do that. You just did it. I was comedy but you just did it. That's not. I don't stare at people like that and make sounds like that. Oh holy her. Maybe Raid does that. Hey that disinfecting solution that's real. What is? They actually spend money on disinfecting solution. I didn't think the owner of this place you know Yeah it smells like turpentine or something. I wonder who makes paint sicker. I don't think it exists. It's strong too. Well that means it does a job. Like Mr. Clean. Is Mr. Clean a virgin? I don't think I think there are people that look like Mr. Clean but I think Mr. Clean is fictitious. Oh gee. You think so? Like the Quaker Oatmeal deep geezer. Mama Celeste was fake I heard. No. She's real. Yeah like Captain Crunch. He's real. He's genuine. Captain Crunch. I guess we were disturbing him. He's going back to the home. What did you say about him? I told him he was staring at him and he left. You were ogling him. That's a funny word. Oogle. What was the face he did? No. I could picture he going oh I haven't had sex in a thousand years. You know it's been a long time I leave. I think you and I should get together and do the life fantastic. Yes my dear I'm leaving now. In twenty seconds no one will notice at all. Man you know this place is really smelling like a chemical plant now. It smells like a chemical plant now. No he's not. No he's using a stencil. He's putting your name out there. No that's not paint. He's got a roller at the end of it. No I think he's varnishing it. Let me guess he's painting it yellow. Yeah like that McDonald that boring... He just held a sign up said I am not painting. No. I still think I still think the funniest prank is when it rains heavy and there's a puddle on the side of the highway me and Billy should get fishing poles and just sit in lawn chairs making believe we're fishing in a puddle. Guaranteed we'll be on the six o'clock news. We're taking the bourbon regional. Now I smell fresh fresh baked bread. Do you get drunk at night or home? No. Oh I got some nice bourbon yesterday called Heaven Hill. How much did she drink? No I had one glass. Oh her the whole bottle would be gone. The best the best bargain in bourbon is Heaven Hill Kentucky straight Kentucky bourbon two dollars a bottle. It's smooth. It's really good. I heard they own Makersmart the company that was a lot of corporations that are like buying out many liquor liquor names. Older man. I stopped at the liquor store to find I had a look for dry cream chevry by Taylor they were wiped out. You know what's been here a week or more is Joseph he's probably book solid. Book solid? His bowel movement is probably solid. That's about it. I've never seen a guy that was too cheap to get razor blades. No it's just a nervous habit. You know what that is? You nervous? Joseph You know he can go to a dollar store and buy razors. You know he can buy disposable razors. How would he use a blade? They got barbersaw if he doesn't want to pay much or he can get the shave gel that I got that blows away edge. You know how thick and rich my shave gel is? No. It's like thick and rich. Try that on your legs. Thick and rich. I know my legs have never been smoother. Do you shave do you shave with a credit card or do you use a razor? Your legs. A blade of glory. Or a blade of grass. Oh use an electric electric? I didn't think you were that high tech. It's better if you charge the battery. Very curvaceous that one. Very nice. Early here. Where? When it's looking for somebody that's an antenna. Eileen electric razor? Oh you got to go to Harmon's beauty supply. Oh you mean your unit. Nothing fits it. Then you're out of luck. But there are a dime a dozen now for electric razors. You can buy a lady Remington or whatever. The Remington actually lasted a lot longer than the Norelco. I had a Norelco triple header. The thing got dull real fast. I think there's too much friction with an electric razor. Irritation. I know Bill doesn't care for electric razor much. I'm too much of a man. I don't do what you bitches do. No, there ain't no way to help you over there. No, you don't need to be glad. Focus right here. Remember the Clint Eastwood spaghetti restaurant where he goes, how much for a bath and a shave? And the guy goes, that'll be 75 cents. He's shaking with the straight razor. You never see any of them use a crooked razor. Think about that. 75 cents for it. Then Mordecai, the midget came out and filled the bathtub. If you have a kid with Ray, don't name it Mordecai. Don't name it Mordecai, believe me. Get the kid a break. Yeah, what could she name her kid? Yeah, we're right. Besides freakism. Meshugana? Meshugana. Shvatsa. Shvatsa. That's what Jackie Mason got in trouble. It is, in the low 60s. Low 60s. I'm chilling now. I'm chilling now, you know what? What time is it? I think it's getting a little late. 21 after 4? No, 7. Well, I could probably have one beer and then leave. Yeah, but she, you know, the girls, she bugs out at 5.45. Tell her, stop the shit. She's supposed to leave at 6, but they all, you know, they all tend to leave at 5.45. One. One beer and then I got a skedaddle. Yep, I got a skedaddle. We'll go over now, okay? Maybe we'll show early. Earl's shy, we'll paint any color. He doesn't want them after all he said. Give me, give me, give me those. Lucky, lucky, give me those. Fighter, come on, you two. Let me see a fight. Let me see a napkin fight. Over fast food napkins? I haven't seen a napkin fight in a good old fashioned napkin fight in a long time. Sky rockets in flight. You don't care? No, you don't. Do you imbibe? Do you imbibe? That means do you drink? You drink occasionally? How often is occasionally? Once in a while. Once in a while means daily, right? No. What about kissing a Blarney stone? How far do you have to bend over to kiss the Blarney stone? Not too far. Where's Blarney stone? In Ireland. Is it in Blarney? Is there a town called Blarney? I don't know. She just said Ireland. She don't know where it is. I don't know the backwards. Oh, God. I don't know what this is. I know. I got a Shalili at home. Yeah. That's where Ray said he had a Shalili in his pants. She knows that. Dodge Shalili. Remember her? I remember her. Yeah, I remember her. Okay, Gabriel's Holiday Inn. Route 17 South. Houston, Jersey. The famous Bananas Comedy Club right in front of Gabriel's and Holiday Inn. A beautiful fountain. Look at that. Isn't that lovely? Beautiful fountain. It's like the Italian song, Three Coins in the Fountain. No gold fishing there at all. They probably die in the winter. Holiday Inn. Gabriel's Bananas Comedy Club. Route 17 South. Asberkites, New Jersey. This is cute. It's like a little park. Right behind the Costco is the famous Teterboro Airport. We're all the private jets land. Okay. Oh, there we are, Gabriel's. There we are. Very relaxing atmosphere. This is the famous Gabriel's and Bananas Comedy Club. Route 17 South. Asberkites, New Jersey. Can you dig it, sucker? This has been a MegaLife 21 production.