 Let's explore in a moment, what you need to establish for yourself before you sleep with a man. Now, I want to share something personal with you. This weekend, I'm attending Allison Armstrong's workshop called Freedom from the Ordinary. And what I like about her work is she centers around understanding the differences between men and women and how to connect more at an emotional grown-up level. See, the problem is, is most humans have weak emotional maturity and weak relationship skills. And what her workshops do, and it's Allison Armstrong PACS program, P-A-X PACS program, Google that, and you can learn more about it. But she's doing an interesting exercise for us that relates to what I'm about to share with you. And many of us date from the perspective of me, comma, not me. Let me repeat that, me, comma, not me. So for example, you like sushi, me too. You like going up stand-up paddle boarding in the marina. Oh my gosh, me too, me, me, me, that's me. You like, you like to Pesh mode, the cure, Joe Jackson, me, me, me. In the early stage of dating, we often focus on what's familiar to us. He has hair, me too, like, I'm just kidding on that one. We speak a foreign language, the same one, me, me, me. See, we often focus on where we're similar with someone. And the minute we've established some similarity with this person, we begin to feel safer with this person. That's right, we begin to feel safer. What I've observed, though, in the dating, mating, and relating realm is people oftentimes couple, they have sexual relationships because they feel this sense of familiarity when there's actually a misalignment on so many different levels. And that's what we're going to lean into today. So I was at a workshop once where they talked about the importance of establishing what the qualities you seek in another human being. What are the qualities you seek in another human being? On top of most everybody's list is honesty, integrity, trustworthiness, honesty, integrity, and trustworthiness. And if somebody is kind to the waiter, we're like, oh, my god, this person has such good character. By the way, anybody can be kind to a waiter or waitress, OK, a server. Like that doesn't demonstrate. Just because someone gives a big tip, for example, that's not an illustration of generosity. In that moment, it might be an illustration of generosity, but that's not. That's just one little sign. But oftentimes, you hear this from dating coaches and other people, that's such a big sign that they're generous. No, it's not. It takes time. You need to be in multiple situations and circumstances with a person to get a sense of, do they have the qualities that I seek in a partner? We just oftentimes assume chemistry equals relationship success. If we have mutual chemistry, if we have all these, me, me, me, me, not me, me, me, me, not me, me, me. The not me's are like, uh-oh, red flags. And by the way, folks, red flags merely means ask deeper questions. There's a significant difference between a deal breaker. Like maybe for some of you, a deal breaker is a person who smokes. That's a clear cut deal breaker. I know for some people, that's their delineation. Somebody who's a heavy drinker, that might be a significant deal breaker. That's not a red flag. If for you, that's a deal breaker, then it's a deal breaker. Red flag means ask deeper questions. You know what? I did notice that they tip that waiter or waitress or server a little bit less than what I thought. OK, is that a red flag that he's cheap now? Well, it might be, you might want it. Now, of course, if it's on a first date, you're not going to ask about that. Because maybe the person you're with thought, you know what, the service was mediocre. I'm not going to give what I normally give. That might have been going on in their mind. But at least ask the question instead of making the immediate assumption that this person isn't generous, because how somebody treats a waitstaff is not an indication of their entirety of their lives. I'm just going off on a tangent here for a moment. But coming back to the qualities that you seek in a person, each one of you has to establish that for yourself. For me, I know when I was exploring a relationship with Marie, I wanted somebody who had freedom in lifestyle. That was a quality that was rather important to me. Someone who wasn't locked down in their professional capacity. They didn't have all these obligations, because my life is like that. That was an important quality I saw in a person, a person that has some level of lifestyle freedom. I'm just using that as an example. So you have to establish what these qualities are for you. But that's not what you truly need to establish before you sleep with a man. I think it's critically important that every one of you, either at the end of this video or pause this video if you're watching the replay, is write down what are your core needs in a relationship? What are your core needs? Is your core, and write down a good seven to 10 needs. What are your core needs? Do you need to be desired? Do you need to be appreciated? Do you need to be cherished? Do you need to be respected? Do you need to be adored? Do you need reciprocity? Do you need inspiration? Do you need curiosity? What are your core needs? I invite you to write those down right now, your core needs. Because here's what happens in the dating process. Oftentimes, I'm not saying always. By the way, I'm crossing my arms just because I don't have a place to put them sometimes. And somebody said, Jonathan, that's poor body language. That means you're closed off. No, sometimes I just do this because I need to put my arms somewhere. And sometimes I slurp my coffee because it's cold. My God, you're so unprofessional. Excuse me for slurping. By the way, my coffee mug says, I don't want to work anymore. I just want to be cherished, put up on a pedestal and taken care of. This was a gift from a friend. By the way, cherished, a need. Hey Google, hey Google. What's the definition of cherished? Cherished, protect and care for. Someone lovingly. Protect and care for, someone lovingly. To feel cherished. I think it's important to establish what your core needs are in a relationship. And it seems to me that we jump into the physical aspect of the relationship before. Hey, many of you establish what these core needs are or the core qualities you seek. Oftentimes, and I know this is so much in the red pill narrative, they talk about the man who's the provider protector. And if he's the provider protector, you must submit to him because he's the leader of the relationship. Folks, just because someone has established a level of status in their life, somebody because they are financially successful, that by no means suggests relationship success. Relationship success is mostly predicated. It's not on the masculine and the feminine. I was just watching a video on that. No, relationship success is when two emotional grownups with good relationship skills meet and they're able to navigate their challenges, their differences, because here's the problem. Problem, excuse me, the thing I want to identify for you is on these needs, you're not going to be able to find out all of these needs during the early courtship of the relationship. You're just not going to find out everything because most of you aren't spending enough time in circumstances to establish who this person really is. I mean, but Jonathan, I'm in a long distance relationship and all we have are text messaging with each other. We've been text messaging each other for nine months. We've never gotten on the phone. We've never done a FaceTime or Zoom. All we do is text message. I'm in this deep, fully committed relationship with a human being I've never met before. You guys are fucking insane. Oh, there, I said the F word, shoot. Didn't want to say it in this video. You guys are insane that you think this is a relationship. Well, I guess it's a cyber relationship. I guess you have a relationship with an AI program. You're like that movie with Joaquin Phoenix, a movie called Her. When you're in a relationship with your device, that's what so many of you are doing. Listen, I understand that maybe for about a month period of time you might connect with somebody through technology, but folks, spend more time on FaceTime and Zoom instead of texting one another. It creates artificial intimacy. But I'm going off on a tangent. I want you to really think about establishing what are your core needs in a relationship? One of my core needs is to feel appreciated. It's a core need to be with somebody who acknowledges effort. Acknowledges effort and because I will tell you, I think divorced men, they say one of the primary needs that they didn't feel were met in their marriage was the feeling of being appreciated. Men, there's almost this grand expectation that men are provider protectors. We are supposed to do that. So I don't have to thank you. I remember watching a video of one woman who said every other Friday when her husband's paycheck went into the bank account, she wrote a thank you letter to her husband. This is a married couple. Thank you for working so hard these past two weeks to provide for our family. She acknowledged that effort. This man felt deeply appreciated by his partner. And I'm, by the way, and I know she used the word thank you. I prefer the words appreciation or I'm grateful. I think I did say that, you know, I'm grateful. I appreciate, you know, we don't, humans don't, I got to tell you something, ladies. I've gone on so many, what feels like a million first dates and it so disappoints me. I've done the manly thing, the masculine energy thing, by planning the date, paying for the date. And there was this haphazard thank you at the end. There was no lack of real appreciation that I paid. And I did all this, all she got to do was sit in there feminine energy. You know, she didn't do shit. Oh, I said another dirty word again. She just sat there, you know, like you can just sit there and you're feminine energy and that's supposed to count for something. I don't know, maybe I'm a little bitter and jaded about this but I'm sharing with you because I have the same frustration many men have out there. And ladies, you have the same frustration with men as well. Lack of appreciation, lack of reciprocity, lack of intentionality. You're dealing with just as many frustrations as we men are dealing because most humans have weak emotional maturity and they haven't established their core needs in the early stages of dating. So they can determine is this person fit Mike? Does this person really acknowledge who I am? Do they really? See, we have to get past the facade of the physical chemical component of attraction and get to the core. Have we established their, have we really identified this person's values? Have we really identified, are our lifestyles capable of blending with one another? And as I said earlier, emotional maturity. Folks, this is why I'm such a big proponent of radical honesty, laying your cards on the table and the rules of engagement, you know? Establishing all of this early on. This is grown up, by the way, if folks had more grown up conversations before they slept together, if they really identified this person's real capacity to be in relationship with another human being, we would have a lot less disappointment and frustration. I call this intentional dating. Back in a recent video, I talked about manifesting and courting. Manifesting and courting. What manifesting and courting is manifesting is not, and it's not about just sitting there and going, oh, I'm going to manifest my love. I'm still a big proponent of inspired action, but really getting clear on the qualities and your core needs before you ever begin dating and start focusing on those core needs. Start focusing on the qualities. Put together a list of these things. And if you need some support, this is where I'm, look it right here is a link to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. My whole area of expertise is helping you with discernment because many of you, what's the definition of insanity? I don't know. I think I'm going to do the same thing over and over and over and over again. And I think I'm going to get a different result. Folks, if you need some support, I'm your big brother out there. I can help and guide you. There's a link below to connect with me. So coming back to establishing what are your core needs? I know my core needs, I'll share it with you. I need to be desired. Yeah, I want to be desired. I want to be appreciated. I want to be adored, admired, inspired. I want to be cherished. I want to be respected. Did I say appreciated? Let me say it, appreciated, appreciated, appreciated. That's like one of my core needs of the need of reciprocity. Folks, that's a core, that's at least for me. So I want you to really get clear on your core needs and put your energy, manifest that. And the courting process, as I said before, manifesting and courting is the establishment of getting to know each other, not from the biological place of, I got to sleep with this person, but really getting to know who they are as a person. That's what I want to encourage more human beings to be more intentional in their dating process. Are you with me? If you are, give me an amen. I'd like to, listen, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this post to comment below. If you've found value in this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel, hit that notification bell. And in the description, there's a way to connect with me. You can join my group called Midlife Love Mastery. You can find me on Instagram. You can check out my book listed there. What the heck is self love? Any way a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work, all in the links below. All right, those who know my format know it's time for Q and A. If you have a question, write the word question in the chat box and then post the question there after. Or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. And if you're watching the replay, you can purchase a Super Thanks. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Thanks, Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there with his brother and I, Colin. He's my son who passed away over five years ago and his honor we donate to causes like the Hoffman process and Insight Institute, just to name a few. So hit that little dollar sign. Let's get $50 today is our goal for today. I'd love that. And you can post a question in there as well. All right, let's see what we've got here. We've got a lot of amen's and yes's in the box. Gigi wrote, and again, if you have a question, write the word question, but Gigi wrote, I'm going to do the same thing over and over because it's made me extremely successful in life and free of barnacles who suck off my success. No one will ever get 50% of my wealth. Well, thank you for sharing that. I appreciate it. Beach Lovers says, meet your man by the following your bliss and inspired action, Abraham Hicks. Folks, if you're not familiar with the work of Abraham Hicks, there's a woman named Esther Hicks who channels a spirit named Abraham. Now you might think that's a bit woo-woo. You might think that's a bit crazy. I will tell you listening to, you can go type in Abraham Hicks. There's usually all these 14, 15 minute video segments out there and it's like, and listen, at first it's going to be like reading hieroglyphics. It's not going to make sense, but when you listen to it and listen to it and listen to it and listen to it, there is a theme of how we can change our thoughts in our head to change our experiences. The law of attraction, the way I've interpreted it is the energy you put out is the energy you attract back. It's not like, oh, I want a million dollars and I'll get a million dollars. It's like I live in abundance. I live in my heart. I live in abundance. And then start looking for evidence of how abundance enters your life. So that would be kind of my Cliff Note version of Abraham Hicks, okay? Go Google that, Abraham Hicks. Amelia, if I pronounce that properly, question. But what if you get to know someone to be connected but the sex then is disappointing and great sex is important to me? Yeah, you know, oh my God, I've had an experience like that. I'm sorry. It was like, oh God, ladies, it really sucked. I was with someone who just basically laid there. No emotion, no physicality, no nothing. I know it was like, and we had sex twice. So it wasn't like, I mean, it was her choice even on the second time. I don't know. I think being, I think the first time you're with somebody, you know, you gotta give them a little bit of leeway because it's awkward. Hey, listen, ladies, I've sometimes drank too much. And let me just say the hardware couldn't get up. It was like, ah, okay. If I've had a little too much alcohol. Thankfully I have a fully proficient tongue but that's now way crossing a boundary by saying that. But I will say this, if you've had sex two or three times and it's not that good. And, you know, then I suspect in this particular case the two of you haven't really established a core energetic connection with this person. And the relationship is relying on sex for the fulfillment. I know a lot of men who are great lovers and their whole reciprocity and relationship is to be a great lover and they don't really contribute much to the relationship other than being a great lover. So these are just some things. I think you have to make that choice for yourself, you know? So anyway, I think that's a great question. I really do appreciate you bringing that up. But I do believe energetic connection leads to greater success. You go on to write question, isn't it good to know if you're sexually compatible before getting, you know, folks. It's kind of like, is it the chicken or the egg? You know, I mean, I do believe that sex is an important part of the decision-making process. The problem with many of you is you get attached to someone physically, but you can also get attached to someone emotionally. The trick is to be discerning to be a bit detached for that first 30 days so you can truly evaluate is this person really, are we on the same page? Do we have the capacity to meet each other's needs? Those are just some of the things I'd want you to consider going forward. Great question, so thank you so much. Lori goes on to say, why do most men wanna break it off if you don't have sex with them early on? You know, I think, see if some woman, okay, here's, if some woman put an arbitrary number, then I would say that would be a turnoff to me. Like, well, you have to wait 90 days. I don't like arbitrary things, number one. Certainly if she's very casual and a little bit coy about it and not really putting me down for making that effort, I certainly, I've always subscribed to, if you've gone from somewhere between seven to 10 dates with someone and you are intentional in the process and you're intentionally want to explore a relationship with another human being within 10 dates is certainly a fair amount of time to establish that you're on the same page, you've laid your cards on the table, you've established the rules of engagement, you've been radically honest, and physical intimacy is part of that. So I just don't like intentional resistance because then they're not being authentic in my opinion. That's just my perspective on that, Lori. So thank you so much. Shelby says, funny, you mentioned that. What did I mention? Okay, God, why are we going down the sex track? Question, can sexual connection lead to emotional connection? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Sometimes I think sex, for some people, sex is for some women, it's obligatory. I've just observed that it's obligatory. For some women, it's like they're, what's the word when someone is overly horny? God, there's a, God, not libido, but there's a word for it, nymphomaniac. That's what I was thinking. Sex is almost too much on their mind. There's all these, you know, sex is, there's a spectrum to sex. And ideally you find someone who meets your spectrum, ideally. So, but I do believe it's important. I know for me, as I've aged, when I was younger, it was all about ejaculating. Now that I'm older, it's both emotional connection. I can't ejaculate unless I have an emotional connection with someone. I really do, I'm telling you, and a lot of men have told me the same thing. If I don't have emotional connection, it's the act is okay, but I can't ejaculate without it. That's just what I've observed from some people. Can we get off the sex category? Well, I guess we should, because this is a sleeping with a man conversation, but can we shift whatever conversation? Shelby says, this is the conversation I was looking for. Well, I'm happy that this is what you're looking for. Hey, let's give Bonnie or Connie some props for the $40.99 Super Sticker. We're one penny away from $50, so let's make $100 our goal today, okay? For Super Sticker, super thanks. Thanks, Connie, for your support. Susan says, just want to know if you're okay, Jonathan. I'm assuming you're talking about the ending of my relationship with Marie. You know what's interesting, folks? I'm working with a coach. I've been working with a coach for, gosh, now six months. I'll be candid with you tomorrow. I'm gonna shoot a video on this, but my coach is coming over to my place to sage the place, to clear all the energy because we live together. Does anyone know what saging is? Does anyone know what clearing is? So we are going to, and we're gonna talk about this in more detail. So you know what's interesting, and I'm glad you brought this up. Because I would say this is the healthiest relationship. This was the healthiest relationship I ever had in my life. And while we were on two different life paths, at the end of the day, we were on two different life paths. We thought in the beginning, we thought we were gonna be on the same life path, but it began to diverge about six months into living together, maybe eight months living together. There was, she had different needs, coming back to this needs base. She had different needs and I had different needs. And we began to diverge, and then she ultimately ended the relationship. She wanted to move to Florida from California and she didn't invite me. By the way, for those of you who say, why didn't you go move with her? I wasn't invited. There wasn't a conversation. It was an ending. You know, she didn't have to say it, you know, it was very clear that that was the case. Okay, so coming back to, am I okay? You know, because for the first time in my life, I entered in pretty darn close to loving myself. This is my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway. Because I came into this relationship, for the most part, genuinely loving myself, I didn't give my power away to her. Because I didn't give my power, meaning my happiness wasn't predicated on whether or not she loved me. My happiness wasn't predicated on that. Many of you are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can be validated. I need you to love me so I have worth. Folks, if you're operating from that programming, you will feel devastated when someone ends a relationship and I can guarantee you that relationship wasn't meeting your core needs anyway. So you're spinning out because you've lacked self-love. Okay, now I feel pretty confident that I genuinely love myself. And as I'm reflecting on the relationship, there were a couple, listen, I'm gonna be candid with you. There were some red flags I painted green. But you know what? That's part of relationship. There's, you know, you're not gonna find everything identical. There's not gonna be, remember I talked about me, not me? You're not gonna find a hundred percent me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. There's gonna be me, me, me, not me, me, me, me, not me, me, me, not me. And so sometimes those not mes, you have to observe a person over a period of time to see if they're capable of meeting you in the me category, okay? So, what I'm most fascinated is how grateful I am for this experience. I am so grateful that she came into my life on so many different levels. I am so grateful that she helped encourage a few changes in my life or areas of growth in my life. Those are personal to me, so I don't need to feel, I don't have to feel the need to share that publicly. But I'm in a state of gratitude. And this is why I'm doing the clearing, the saging at my house because, and I'm inviting you all to clear out old energy, to clear out an old relationship. It's one of the things we do in my private coaching. And if you need some support with that, check out the link to a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. We do an energetic clearing in my coaching practice because when we clear the old energy, we invite new energy. Marie opened the door, and by the way, she cleared out a walk-in closet. I have a walk-in closet now for anyone who wants to enter into a relationship with me. I've got space, I've got drawers. I've created the space for someone to enter in my life, whether we live together or not. Although I'm very clear, I want a life mate, I'm manifesting, I'm gonna be courting, I'm operating from a different vantage point. So coming back to your question, Susan, I feel like I'm doing okay. What do you guys think? Do you think I'm doing okay? Write it in the chat box. Do you think I'm based on, and I'm pretty transparent with you guys. I mean, I don't share with you everything because they're a personal thing, but I'm fairly transparent with you. You tell me how am I doing, and what's my chances of attracting a life partner sooner rather than later? All right. Kefa says, only had two dates are distance from each other. He initiated the dates, but very busy work. He texts me daily, but I need a deeper commitment phone calls action. Is that realistic to ask after two dates? Folks, it takes a good 10 physical meetings. It takes about 100 hours of face to face time just to establish the first layer of trust. And if you had distance, the telephone is the weakest form of communication, what I mean is to really, 90% of communication is non-verbal. So yeah, I mean, he doesn't know you well enough to know he likes you as the two of you haven't spent enough circumstances, enough experiences doing stuff to see how you truly interact with each other. And by the way, I'm going to tell you something. After I physically meet someone, I don't want to be on the telephone. I want to either be physically in their presence on a consistent basis. This is why if you know my narrative, I'm looking for a relationship where we spend on average three or four days and nights a week together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to something significant. Jonathan, three or four days, look at that gives me, if it's three days, it gives me four on my own. If it's four days and nights a week together, that gives, I got plenty of time on my own. But Jonathan, I have such a chaotic busy life. I only have room for someone once a week. By the way, think about that. If you only have time for someone once a week, that's only 52 interactions in a year. That's not a lot. Anyway, did you notice how my voice went high there? Hamoud says, can sexual connection lead to emotional attachment? Yes, sexual connection can actually bond you to another human being in an unhealthy way. So yes, that can, and it can also be unhealthy. Question, it seems like closer my boyfriend, I get emotionally and mentally the less he calls text and the sex has gone up and down over five months I've been dating. Should I be concerned? Well, the need to call all the time sometimes can be that there's enough trust built that you don't need to connect. The sex being up and down, that's just a fact of life. A lot of couples have up and down sex. What you should be concerned about is are we talking about life term stuff or are we just living in the moment? That's what you should be concerned about. Are you talking, are you too? See, I didn't realize that Marie and I were on two different life paths because there was some interesting merging in a couple of places. And this was something deficient between us. I honestly, it wasn't until Catherine Woodward Thomas, she wrote the book, where is the book? Where's the book calling? Oh, by the way, my dear friend Catherine Woodward Thomas, I'm doing her program called Calling in the One, link below to get a copy of the book. She said something to me that really fascinated me. She goes, Jonathan, you need to be in relationship with someone who is engaged with your mission. I didn't realize that what I do, these videos and my coaching is not just a calling, it's a mission of mine. And while Marie was kind to be part of it on occasion, is she didn't embrace it? I think we have to embrace each other's mission in life, our purpose in life. And this is where our relationship began to diverge. And so there's nothing wrong with it, not everyone has to buy into your mission. But I will tell you this, those are the more important conversation than whether or not you're calling each other on the telephone and sex is gonna be up and down. Believe me, in a year of physical intimacy, we had some good nights and we had some like not so good nights. But you know what the good thing about not so good nights? Those were okay too. Benita, I've been single for almost 10 years. I'm 16, been a man on a dating app the end of July. We are four hours apart and never meet in person yet. What are your thoughts on long distance? Folks, I have talked about long distance at nauseam. Okay, folks, if you want a day-in-day-out relationship, then if you're gonna do long distance dating, have a plan. Coming back to you, I chose, you guys know I am against long distance relationships. So then why did I choose one? Well, there were a couple of factors that took place that made it worthwhile. She was retired, she had a flexible lifestyle. She had people in California that were close to her. We established regular, by the way, we were seeing, by the way, in a course of 100 days, we spent 45 days together. That's a lot of time in the first 100 days, okay? If you don't have the capacity, if you don't have the capacity to spend a significant amount of time together, it's not gonna work. And without a plan, it's not gonna work. So that's my cliff note version of long distance. Peach Lover wants to say, Jonathan, you need someone who has an energetic as you. You need a woman as passionate about you as you are about her and loves what you do as well. Probably true, you know, as we age, we have to really establish who are we at the core? What are our core needs? Remember I said, establish this before sleeping with a man? Get a real sense of your core needs. And one of my needs is to be in partnership with someone who is on board with my mission. Yeah, so Cupcake says, mission connectivity matters. I didn't realize that. Honestly, it wasn't until I realized we were on two different paths that, and by the way, she needs someone on board with her mission. Whatever that is for her, she needs that for herself, okay? That's okay, we don't, listen, the quality of a relationship isn't based on the time or the distance, or I mean, going the distance. The quality of our relationship gave us a gift on so many levels. I think she said to me before she left, she goes, you were such a gift in my life, Jonathan. I truly believe I helped her heal some major core wounds, some major core wounds that had been lingering for decades and because of my knowledge, my expertise, my wisdom, my care, she got, I feel, I believe that's why I came into her life and she came into my life to really get clarity on so many other areas of mine and so good. We're on two different paths, that's okay. Many of you guys are just dating is, dating for you is like just a long, most of you are in casual relationships, you're in situationships, or in like dating is just a string of long, it's like friends with benefits and you're not that good of friends either. And by the way, if he isn't your best friend by the time you're regularly sleeping together, it's gonna be hard to ever get there. I'm not saying you should be, it's about being best friends who are lovers at the same time, that's what it should feel like. Connie says, you're doing fantastic, I appreciate that. Make me laugh says, I think you're doing well but you have a bubbly personality, I can't tell. Okay, I got it, I got it, fair enough. Hamoud says, I am, we are with you dear Jonathan, thank you. Oh, B.A. Stewart says, if I was in California, I'd date you, I appreciate that. Lori says, I think you will attract the right person. I know I will. Did you hear what I said? I know I will. You see, I don't have a doubt. See, when you operate from fear or doubt or uncertainty, it's not gonna happen, I operate from a place of knowing. I know amazing woman will enter into my life. I don't know when, I just know it will, she will, excuse me. And I know that we're gonna be aligned on our core needs, we're gonna be aligned on our core qualities, we're gonna be aligned in our values, we're gonna be aligned in our emotional maturity and we're gonna be aligned in our lifestyles and we're gonna be aligned that we wanna jump each other's bones. I know that will happen. See, many of you doubt, doubt is the enemy to success. That's it, doubt is the enemy to success. Fear, so here, ladies, it's raining great man, it's raining great man, it's raining great man, it's raining great man. Say it with me, it's raining great man. Connie wants to remind me that everyone comes into our lives, has a lesson or lessons to teach us, exactly. Sondra wants to say, yes, sage time, clearing energy is very important. Folks, clearing out, so I've noticed women can hang on to a past relationship that was unhealthy, toxic for years and years and years and years and years. It saddens me that somebody had that much influence on your life that it affected your chi. My son who passed away, Connor, I wanna share something with everyone. So read this chapter, don't lend anyone F with your chi. Connor had this wonderful, where is it in the book that I talk about him? In my book, what the heck is self love anyway? When you give your power away to another human being, they have the capacity to mess with your, like in other words, you gave them permission to treat you however they operate and then you blame them for giving them that and then you blame yourself for giving them that and then you're in this cycle of pain. Don't allow anyone to mess with your chi, retain your power. Self love is self worth, self confidence, self esteem, self reliance, self worth, self respect. You know, there's a book, I don't love everything in this book, but the book, but there's some really good aspects of why men love bitches and bitch stands for babe in total control of herself, yes. From doormat to dream girl, a woman's guy to holding her own in relationship. Folks, it is time that many of you women stand in your power because you are giving your power away way too frequently and it's not good for you and it's not good for the guy either. They treat you like doormats when you do. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. B Stewart said, I wish I had that philosophy of giving my power away when I was 20. Me too. Oh, Sandy wants to say, I loved Bev you had on recently. I learned about it about myself. Yes, if you're not familiar with fearful avoidance, check out the previous live stream I did just before this one, it's the one right before this one in my live stream catalog, talked about fearful avoidance. Make me laugh says, I love the mantra about great men. I'm doubtful, but I will say it, thank you. Stop being doubtful, stop it. Sandy wants to say you are spot on, Jonathan. I appreciate that. Zora says it's raining great men, exactly. Make me laugh say, did you ever watch the movie with French Stewart, John Stewart's brother? It's a great relationship, love stinks. No, I haven't, but I will put that on my list. Love stinks. Not sure I love the title. Cupcake wants to say, an amazing woman may have already entered in your life, you are an awesome man. You know, here's the thing on, by the way, if any of you are familiar with human design, I want everyone to Google human design. I think it might be, hey, human, let's look it up together. Human design, human design chart, okay. There's a human design, I invite, I thought there was, I guess there's a variety of different websites. So human design, I am known as what's called a projector. What that means is for me, before I engage in a conversation with a woman, I need to be invited in. I need some level of invitation. Every time I've done the invitation and I've done the chasing and I've done the pursuing, it hasn't worked for me. I need to be invited in. So just speaking from my own, so she might have entered my life, but she didn't invite me in. That's what I wanna say Cupcake. She might have walked past me, but she didn't invite me in to get to know her and I need that. Susan wants to remind every woman not sleeping together is a major power for women. Yes, it can be. Cupcake did wanna say thank you. I'm grateful for you and Marie, found one another for the season in your lives. Exactly, we lived together for just about one year, just a season. Grateful for that, grateful for that. Susan wants to also say I met someone but he's more attracted to me than me, him. But I like him as a friend and maybe more, not sure. Told him we need to spend time together as friends. I'm leading him, am I leading him on? You know, when do we really know how long does it take to fall in love with someone? I think of my son told me a story where he dated a woman for I believe five or six months, about three months into it. And by the way, they weren't physically intimate with each other. About three months into it he goes, dad, I'm not feeling it for her three months in. I said, give it a little more time. And two more months went by, dad, I'm still not feeling it for her. I said, you know, you need to do the honorable thing and the relationship. And so he did and she was devastated because she was feeling a sense of love for him. But you can't manufacture this intangible. And oftentimes this intangible is related to our childhood wounds and traumas. So it's quite possible, in Colin's case, he has to experience some more of what he doesn't want. In other words, the childhood wound and trauma before he's ready to fall into deeper love like his old man has. So I've learned my lesson. I don't need to do these lessons anymore. So it's hard to say, but I do believe if you haven't felt it by the third month, chances are it's not gonna change, you know? But we oftentimes think, you know what? If we just hold, you know, there's all these good qualities within a person, but love is an intangible. It's just, it just is an intangible. Does anyone understand what I'm going, what I'm saying? I hope so. Bee wants to say, I don't think he's leading him on. She has been honest. He can wait around or move on. You know what? That's the good point. You know what he should do? He should move on for you. See, he has possibly an unhealthy attachment to you because the fact that the two of you aren't on the same page should be his clue to walk away. So he's probably fulfilling his childhood wound of basically pursuing someone that's not on the same page as him. He should walk away. That's his lesson. But, you know, and maybe having a deeper conversation with them and really being the honorable thing to do is say, look, I'm not feeling it for you. I think for you, you need to be someone that's feeling it for you. Okay? That's maybe the honorable thing to do. Nancy says, thank you, Jonathan. I get so much from your live chats and your short videos. You're my hero. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. Roller Girl says, did you try e-harmony? I did try e-harmony a couple years ago. You know what? Just nothing really interesting. I don't think I even had one date and I was e-harmony, the company gifted it to me because I'm a dating coach. You know what? Since Marie and I split up, I have not really been on the dating apps. I mean, a couple of times I peeked here and there. I'm doing things differently. Just like in my video the other day, I talked about the video. Hold on, I forget the title of the video. I don't remember all my titles. So the title was called, the title, Stop Dating Men Do This. Okay, so it was two live streams before this one. Manifesting and courting. I'm here to manifest my life mate. I don't need to find her. I need to like just be, I need to just be out in the world so she can invite me in. That's what I need to do. Make me laugh says I just got out of a toxic relationship of 10 years, more fun, but became toxic because of a drunken rage. But we shared so many good times, then bad. Sorry to say I miss him. You know, when you can actually not use the word toxic, I just had a relationship that didn't work out. That's when you've healed. When you don't have to use the word toxic. Just my, just I'm inviting that for you. By the way, I'm not saying that's right. I'm not saying wrong, but here's the deal. When you can say, you know, I had a relationship that didn't work out that I'm ready to attract love in my life. I think that's when you'll be ready. When you don't need to use the word toxic, but need as in the house, being of an older generation, I prefer the man to be the man and the traditional female have modern viewpoints affecting dating relationship, have modern dating. You are welcome to do what works for you. Everybody should do what works for you. By the way, modern, by the way, just so you know, women were miserable hundreds, if not thousands of years ago with men. When we have been in a one up, one down, a, you know, a misogynistic or patriarchal type of environment, they just because their basic needs of survival were taken care of emotionally speaking, a lot of women were miserable. You know, a lot of people stayed together because they had no choice. So that old tradition doesn't guarantee relationship success. It's, it's about two emotional grownups coming together. That creates relationship success. Hey folks, okay, so just really quickly, if you've gotten this far, it is Saturday morning at 830 AM, I am heading off to Allison Armstrong's. You're not familiar with the book, The Queen's Code. You may like it, you may not. You might be repulsed by this work. Okay, Allison Armstrong, link below. Folks, I'm heading off to our event. It's called Freedom from the Ordinary. We are learning a lot of different ways that we connect with human beings, whether it's in our romantic lives and our family dynamics, our relationships. I encouraging you all to do some personal development, self-help, spiritual work. By the way, I'm in a room with about a hundred women and there's only about 10 or 15 guys. I'm just, you know what? And by the way, the women are great. They're all grateful that men are there. They really appreciate the men. We are getting so loved up by the women. I will tell you, it's raining great men out there. Might feel like the odds are against you, but you know what? When you put the odds in your favor by being appreciative, you have a greater chance of success. And again, establish your core needs before you ever sleep with a man is my invitation from this title of this video. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. I do my best to read them all. As always, if you found value in this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. Hit that notification bell so you can be notified of videos. And in the description below is a way to schedule a discovery call with me to check out my group called Midlife Love Mastery. You can have interaction with me on a regular basis through Midlife Love Mastery. Follow me on Instagram. Check out the books I recommend all in the links below. And I'm gonna sign off this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love as well if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow, and give either them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I'm gonna thank Mia and Beach Lover, Sandy and McCoy and Make Me Laugh and Terry and B. Steward and Susan and Cupcake and did I say Connie, Zora, Roller Girl is in the house, Benita, Susie, Laurie, everyone, big hugs to you. Have a great day. Bye now.