 This is the introduction song. It's not very good, but it's not too long You know, I wasn't originally going to do another abominations of fanfiction This early because the last one only came out about two months ago, and I I like to I Would have liked to wait around a while find some truly bizarre stuff that I could read to you but I Mean I found this and it's you know, it's Christmas themed and I just I might have to retire the show after this because I just I don't know if I'll ever top this Okay, I might just stop reading fanfic after this because What what's going to be better than this? Okay, what's going to make me just question the internet and humanity as a whole more than this so For those who don't know let me introduce you to the world of Folger sest so basically About ten years ago the coffee company Folgers. Well, they insist on calling their products coffee They released a commercial is a Christmas commercial. It's called home for the holidays. You can find it on YouTube It's all it's actually a pretty popular one. It's all over the place and Well, there's really no delicate way to put this It's only like 40 seconds long and it the two characters in it are a brother and sister and it really looks like they're about to fuck each other Brought you something far away What are you doing? You're my present this year Like it really just straight up looks like they're about to have sex at the end and it's really weird and the first time I saw it I thought I'm reading too much into this but no, I'm not many other people thought the exact same thing and It became so viral that now people have written fan fictions about it Like I went on archive of our own. I found fan fictions for the Folgers Home for the holidays commercial and it's usually referred to as Folger sest and I just Just what what else can I even say? What can I add that that will make this make more sense like This is peak fan fiction guys. This is this is peak fan fiction. There's nothing above this. Let's just I've got So this first one I found is called you're my present And most of these are pretty short too. This is only 732 words summary a quiet moment and the real reunion It's not even Christmas anymore Their parents finally gave up the battle against the Sandman and headed upstairs leaving them alone in the living room She snuggled against him head resting on his chest while he caught up on a year's worth of miss TV He pulled one of the snowmen's throws over them necessary when she couldn't help running her fingers up and down the inside of his thigh While they're wasting no time. Oh, yeah, also in the commercial. They didn't have names that they just She just refers to herself as sister at one point Must have the wrong house Sister and not not even in like the porn hub sense where it's like step sister What are you doing step bro? Like no, it's just she's calls herself a sister and so a lot of these don't actually give them names and a lot of the others give them They just make up their own names the credits rolled on the last episode of NCIS and they both stretched some of the stiffness out of their Limbs she changed back into his old baseball shirt the cotton thin and stretched So the neck hung over her bare shoulder proving. She'd also foregone a bra He could just see the tips of her nipples peeking against the material. Okay. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna read much more than that because it's basically just that they have sex and Well, you get the idea this next one is called wrapping paper and it's only 981s words long summary Jake comes home from West Africa. Megan waits to unwrap her present after dinner and You know what actually I'm not reading that one because I want is basically the exact same thing because It's just it's they just have sex only this time they have names and then there's one that's a little bit longer It's only 1800 words long. It's called the best part of waking up Summary some new traditions some old ones and a Christmas morning all to themselves Yeah, spoiler alert. They uh They have sex in this one too only in this one the brothers making muffins while it happens And I'm only bringing this up because this line is in there She sniffs the air it mostly smells like sex now Although the Folgers in the oven are putting up a decent fight and slides our hand into his do I smell mom's muffins She asks eyes crinkling as she smiles. She already knows the answer Okay, so this one is actually pretty long. It's about 14,000 words which Jesus Christ guys, but um, it's called sinners saints and thieves, and I'm not gonna read the whole thing. Obviously, but this one is Interesting the summary just says when his sister was born Josh didn't want her eventually he changed his mind and this one's a little different because it basically just goes through their entire childhood and their entire lives up until they're like in their 20s and Apparently the brother Josh is like dealing with this weird feelings He has for a sister and he feels weird about it The one thing I'll say is that they don't actually have sex in this one But it implies that they do at the end But then in the notes it says this story includes strong language a passing reference to 9-11 Several references to an intolerant type of evangelical Christianity and non-explicit incest between consenting adults This story is also very long. I'm not sure how that happened and I Really, I really mean it like it goes through their whole childhood it goes through like a car crash and people getting sick and Relatives dying and again 9-11 and just them having difficulty. I How do you get that from a 42nd commercial? How do you how do you look at this vaguely incestuous commercial which apparently no another commercial intended for it to be that way, but What I'm not sure I believe that whatever just how do you get all that from that? I don't understand whatever So the number one story on archive of our own under the folder ses tag Like the one with the most hits. He's called a home for all seasons Hi, big brother So you're usually home by this time But I'll assume that you're out enjoying the wild Cameroon nightlife and by that I mean the nightly Cameroon wildlife get it because you're in Africa That summary is terrible. So in this one, they're named Libby and Matt and Fun fact the actor that plays Matt is actually named Matthew Allen and he plays an abusive stepfather on 13 reasons why so I Don't know. I guess that just makes it a little bit funnier. So this one is um It's okay It's pretty much the same as the last one It doesn't go through their entire childhood, but you know this time they're named Libby and Matt, but It just goes through their young adulthood and how he went to Africa kind of to escape the feelings he had versus, you know, that sort of thing and God I have a headache right now and but Anyways, they go through all that and they continuously talk on the phone and stuff and realize hey We're actually in love and they don't have sex in this one either they do have phone sex though so, you know if that bothers you don't read it and they have like a House that they want to build and they're constantly talking about moving away together and You know that sort of thing anyways before they can be together again He dies at the end and I know that sounds like a Spoiler but like it's in the tags. It says character death So it's not hard to see coming and then at the end. It's just you know, it's just sad and The worst part is that it's actually pretty good Like I really mean it like it's a cute romance You feel that the whole like maybe they shouldn't be doing this but at the same time like it's what they want but It just and it is genuinely sad when Matt's gone, but like it's a fucking coffee commercial So that one is kind of short, but I mean the thing is I just didn't I didn't want to read through too much of those because like Honestly, like without the sex parts there there's just not that much in there and most of them aren't even really that terribly written so it's not like You can laugh at how bad the pros is or anything and I just um I don't know like I Feel like as soon as I say that this is the craziest fanfiction ever and nothing will ever top it I feel like there's going to be something else that's gonna come up very soon And it will prove me wrong and I'll have to make more stuff on that but I just I just I'm genuinely at a loss for words that people would be this big into the Home for the holidays Folgers coffee commercial fandom like they would actually write multi-chapter Multi-thousand word. I don't know whatever just um It's Christmas time. This is coming out a couple days before Christmas. So Merry Christmas. If you don't celebrate Christmas I hope you have a wonderful day. Anyways, thanks to my patrons Appo Savilane and Christopher Hawkins Joseph Pendergraft Melanie Austin All the others whose names you see here I hope you all Like I said, I hope you all have wonderful Christmas wonderful, whatever you do and just don't fuck your sister What are you doing step bro?