 I'm Oleg Sof, your beauty hope and luster cream shampoo for soft, glamorous, caress-able hair Bring you our Miss Brooks starring Eve Arden Our Miss Brooks teaches English at Madison High School And what with the overcrowded classrooms and a rather rigorous schedule has had a pretty busy time during the past semester But not busy enough evidently to suit Mr. Osgood Conklin, Madison's beloved warden, a principal Just recently Mr. Conklin organized a school banking system And who do you think was selected for the honor of handling this noble project at no increase in salary? Well, it wasn't Barney Baruch I've had to take care of all the records single-handed. Oh, I'm not complaining I think it's admirable for people to be saving and frugal, especially if you've got something to frugue, a save But I didn't count on the complications that set in last week It seems that after school Thursday, I had $25 of the student's money in the envelope Which I placed on the dresser in my room at Mrs. Davis's I intended to deposit it Friday morning and had asked Mrs. Davis to wake me at the usual time I was sleeping very heavily when she knocked on my door Connie? Oh, Connie? Connie, are you in there? No, I'll be back in 15 minutes Connie, you've got to get up Why? To go to school I graduated from school a long time ago Well, not such a long time ago Before you do anything else, dear, I want you to see the surprise I've got for you here in this box In this box? Go on, open it, Connie Well, I don't understand, Mrs. Davis. It isn't my birthday or anything Why, it's a dress Oh, you shouldn't have done it, Mrs. Davis Oh, sure I should have No, you shouldn't Yes, I should I bought it with practically found money Found money? Yes, I found it on your dresser yesterday I knew that you'd left it for me to cover the back rent you owe But frankly, Connie, I didn't expect it so soon and so... Mrs. Davis Yes, Connie You shouldn't have done it But why not? Don't you like the dress, Connie? Sure I like the dress, I love the dress But will the district attorney care for it? District attorney Well, don't you see, Mrs. Davis, that wasn't my money I was going to deposit that for the students And today also happens to be the day Mr. Conklin inspects my bank records That is a coincidence, isn't it? Yeah, the happiest coincidence Since Frankenstein met the Wolfman Look, I know you meant well and I hate to hurt your feelings, but really... Oh, you won't hurt my feelings, Connie I'm a lot like my sister Angela that way She just refuses to harbor bad thoughts That's very nice, Mrs. Davis But from what you've told me about Angela Sometimes she doesn't harbor any thoughts at all Yes, she is terribly absent-minded, poor dear But sometimes that's for the best What's for the best? What's for the best for who? If you'll punch my transfer, I'd like to get off here You see, Mrs. Davis, I've got a big problem today That money that paid for that dress didn't belong to me It didn't I've already told you, Mrs. Davis, it was part of the student's savings Oh, Connie, then you shouldn't have done it I didn't do it, you did it Ignorance of the law is no excuse This is terrible Let's see that box again Oh, you got the dress at Sherry's department store Maybe they'll take it back and refund the money You see, Connie, I thought you left the money for the back rent you owe I know you did, Mrs. Davis, and I appreciate the thought more than I can tell you But if you'll excuse me, I've got to get ready now Walter Denton's picking me up in a few minutes Oh, did you have another accident with your car, Connie? Just a slight collision with a new Hudson, Mrs. Davis What happened? Well, you know the ad they have Hudson, the car you stepped down into Yes Well, this one I drove down into Do you know how to get to Sherry's department store, Walter? I've got to stop there for a minute Oh, sure, Miss Brooks, I'll get you there in no time By the way, how do you like the car today? The car? Oh, it looks fine, Walter I polished all four fenders the other day Well, I'm sure that'll improve the appearance of... What fenders? You haven't got any fenders on the car at all Of course not, they're home in my garage I only put them on weekends Weekends? Sure, even people don't dress up every day in the week I see, no sense in hitting a sloppy pedestrian with a natty car Exactly You know, human beings are a lot like cars if they only stop to think about it Take yourself, for instance the way you look this morning I know, Stanley Steamer I'm only trying to be helpful, Miss Brooks You look a little worried about something Is there anything I can do? Don't think of offhand, Walter Just keep it under your hat Keep what under my hat? The information you're going to worm out of me by the time we get to Sherry's Oh, well, what is the information? It's about the school banking system Oh, how that? I know that's a big pain in the neck to you but that's nothing to get depressed about Gosh, did you see the papers this morning? No, I didn't get a chance Well, you ought to read the story in the bulletin How that'd cheer you up It's all about a woman in Bezler stealing $19,000 from the Federal Trust Company and they just gave her ten years in the clink I feel better already Oh, she didn't even get a chance to spend any of the dossium bezels I guess honesty is the best policy after all Which I'd taken out a policy like that And writing the same paper as another story that'd make you glad just to be working at school, Miss Brooks It's about conditions in the state reformatory for women No good, huh? Deplorable Oh, they make the poor inmates mop the floors all day long and if they haven't got any mops which they usually don't have because they're so short of everything why then the women have to mop the floors with their hands How awful Oh, here's the store wall to drive up in the back, will you? That's the quickest way to get to the basement Basement? Certainly, that's where they keep the mops, isn't it? Let's see now, adjustment offers, this must be it I beg your pardon Come in, come in, you're my very first adjustment today So now, won't you miss, uh... Brooks, Constance Brooks How do you do, Miss Brooks? I'm Mr. Pearson, would you like a cigarette? No thanks, I'm in kind of a... A cup of coffee? No, I've got to get to school pretty quickly Good for you There's nothing I like better than a nice punctual pupil Pupil? This interview may not be as unpleasant as I anticipated I'm not a pupil, Mr. Pearson, I'm a teacher at Madison High But the reason I dropped in here is to return a dress someone bought for me Well, you know the motto of Cherries, don't you? If you're not satisfied, we cheerfully refund your money That's what I've heard And that's what we do Now then about this dress, you don't like it? Yes, I do, I like it very much But it doesn't fit quite properly Well, I can't be certain about that, because frankly, I didn't even... In the color Oh, you don't like the color I think the color is peachy I see, and so it clashes with your complexion You don't understand, I just can't keep the dress I've got to get the money back Well, that's what we're here for In Cherries, your money is cheerfully refunded She'd stop being cheerful and start refunding Now then, first of all, we must have a valid basis for adjustment Tell me, how did you find out that the material in this garment is inferior? Inferior? I didn't find out that The sales lady told you, didn't she? Miss Morgan Miss Morgan? So, you know her? Well, there's no sense trying to shield her, Miss Brooks I knew there was a leak somewhere We'll have a loyalty check in the morning Look, somebody bought me this dress with money that... Well, it shouldn't have been spent Why not, Miss Brooks? Don't answer that I know, it was counterfeit money Young woman, I'm surprised at you Surprised and shocked Now, just a minute, Mr. Pearson There was nothing wrong with the money Mrs. Davis paid for this dress So, Mrs. Davis paid for the dress Miss Brooks, what are you doing with this dress? Miss Brooks, what are you doing with Mrs. Davis' dress under your arm? I know, I know You couldn't afford the dress yourself, but you needed money So, when you saw it lying there on Mrs. Davis' bed You couldn't resist the temptation You picked it up and brought it here for a refund Oh, you poor, Miss Sky did preach Miss Sky really runs the gamut Listen, Mr. Pearson, Mrs. Davis is my landlady She bought me a dress for a present in this store yesterday Well, why didn't you say so, Miss Brooks? You see, yesterday we had our final clearance sale of ladies' dresses And of course, in a closeout of that sort, there can never be any refund What? But remember, anything else you buy can be returned within 60 days And Sherrys will cheerfully... Refund your money Well, that's just dandy And the next time you have a sale, be sure and get in touch with me Yeah, I'll be glad to Where can we reach you? Just drop into any post office You'll find my number under my picture Well, Miss Brooks, starring Eve Arden will continue in just a moment But first, here is Vern Smith Ladies, what's your complexion problem? My skin's so dingy Mine's oily My skin's dull, coarse-looking Doctors have proved that many complexion problems respond wonderfully To proper cleansing with palm-olive soap Regardless of age, skin type, or previous beauty care Oily skin looks less oily Dull, drab skin fresher and brighter Coarse-looking skin appears finer Even tiny blemishes incipient blackheads disappear or improve To win such complexion improvements, simply use palm-olive soap Nothing but palm-olive, the way doctors advise Wash your face with palm-olive soap three times a day Massage with palm-olive's wonderful beauty lather for 60 seconds each time To get its full, beautifying effect Then rinse Look for improvements in your complexion within 14 days For remember, 36 doctors, leading skin specialists Advise this way for 1,285 women with all types of skin Young, old, dry, oily, normal And proved it could bring lovelier complexions to 2 out of 3 So forget all other beauty care Use palm-olive soap the way these doctors advised For a fresher, brighter complexion For loveliness all over, use big, thrifty bath size palm-olive In your tub or shower Well, Sherry's department store lived up to its reputation By refunding the dress and cheerfully keeping my money In a way, it's a good thing I had the extra dress with me Because when we got to school, I stepped out of Walter's car And right through the hem of the dress I had on Well, knowing I had to face Mr. Conklin, I felt pretty panicky It's bad enough to have your spirits dragging Without having your hem down there too But I finally hit on a pretty good scheme Between classes, I dropped into the domestic science room To have my old dress patched up and to try and sell a new one Excuse me, Miss Atterbury, but I wonder if you could help me out Oh, it's Miss Brooks. Well, come in, dear. What can I do for you? Well, I tore the hem of this dress I've got on I'd like to get it fixed up I'll do whatever I can Some of these sewing machines are in pretty bad shape There's one old singer here that hasn't worked for weeks That's too bad. Maybe you could teach him to dance Or sew the seam by hand Let's see that hem now Pretty bad rip. Take quite a while to fix it Well, then maybe I'd better slip on this other dress till you're done I'll just step behind this screen here and take this one off There. You got it? Yes, I'll start stitching it up right away Good. I'll certainly appreciate it, Miss Atterbury Well, I've got this one on How do you like it? Why, it's lovely, Miss Brooks I wish I had one like it You have, Miss Atterbury I've decided this dress is not my type, so you're welcome to it For $25? Only $25? That's a steal, Miss Brooks Let's use another word, shall we? Now, if you'll excuse me, Miss Atterbury I've got to get over to Mr. Conklin's office All right, Miss Brooks, and I'll have your other dress all fixed when you come back Then we'll try the new one on me Of course, I weigh 186, but I hope I can get into it Just have the $25 ready. You'll get into it Oh, one thing, Miss Atterbury Yes? I'm gone. Try and lose a few pounds Now, see here, Harriet, just because you're my daughter doesn't give you the privilege of taking time off from your study period As principal of this school, I must... But, Daddy, it'll only take a minute I just want your permission to withdraw $3 from my school savings account I've just got to have a new sweater Harriet, it distresses me to hear you talk this way Why do you realize that it's invariably a craving for unnecessary finery that is the basis for most of the crimes committed by women? But, Daddy! Just this morning, there was a story in the paper about a woman being held as an embezzler And do you know what her alibi was? She needed clothes I tell you, it's a disgrace what this civilization is coming to Show me a well-dressed girl who has only a moderate income And I'll show you an embezzler Good morning, Mr. Conklin Oh, good morning, Miss Brooks I see we have on a new dress Oh, is yours new too? This is sort of new It, uh, well, yes Hello, Harriet Hi, Miss Brooks Run along, Harriet I have some important matters to discuss with Miss Brooks All right, Daddy We'll take my matter up later on, huh? Dismissed, girl Yes, sir Now then, Miss Brooks, have you brought all the student banking records with you? Well, not exactly all of them, Mr. Conklin Then how many? None of them You see, I wanted to double-check some of the items before you and I did the final recap and, uh... What are you trying to tell me, Miss Brooks? Oh, I'm not trying to tell you anything, Mr. Conklin The less the better You see, there's one more deposit I've got to make today before the record's tally Very well, Miss Brooks, I'll wait until lunch period Well, have a long lunch period, Mr. Conklin It may take me quite a while To do what, Miss Brooks? To start a pyramid club See you later, Mr. Conklin Oh, you did a wonderful job on my old dress, Miss Atterbury I suppose you try on this new one All right, Miss Brooks, but I'm so much heavier than you I hope I can get it on Oh, you'll get it on easily I have to smear you with butter Now, off of the old And on with the new Lift your arms That's a good girl Now, down over your shoulders Fine Past your waist Good Now, past your... There Oh, it fits you like a glove, Miss Atterbury Feels like I'm standing in the pinky We'll close the zipper along the side The zipper? All right It won't move Oh, nonsense, take a deep breath Now hold it Oh, there we are When can I breathe out? Oh, don't be a child You look lovely in it, Miss Atterbury Thanks, Miss Brooks But I can't hold my breath any longer What happened? Nothing much The zipper just returned to at ease You know, that's what I like about this dress, Miss Atterbury It brings out the real you God, I love you I guess we will have to alter it a little But if you'll just give me that $25 now I'd like to go a minute, Miss Brooks I don't know if I want to buy this dress right now Here, let me take another deep breath The latest thing, plunging neckline You know, the fashion experts say that necklines are going further south every year I know Of course, this one's on its way to Mexico City I'm sure the dress can be made to fit you And I'm sure it can't, Miss Brooks We just weren't made for each other Help me get it off, will you? All right, Miss Atterbury But you're overlooking a great buy After all, breathing isn't everything There you are, Miss Brooks I've got an idea Why don't you dye the dress? Dye it? What color? Flash color Then you wouldn't have to worry about the zipper No, I guess not Oh, there's the lunch period I've got to hurry over to Mr. Boynton's laboratory Oh, did Mr. Boynton invite you to lunch, Miss Brooks? That's why I've got to hurry He's just going to Hello, Mr. Boynton I'm glad I caught you before you went to lunch Hello, Miss Brooks I'm not going to the cafeteria today I brought a couple of sandwiches to eat right here Would you like one of them? Oh, I don't know, Mr. Boynton I don't like to take your... I'll go ahead, Miss Brooks They're very good Well, thanks And they're only 30 cents a piece Here's 15 I'll just eat the bottom half You know, I really should be in Mr. Conklin's office Right now with the school banking records But frankly, I'm... Well, I'm a little shy Well, that's one of the reasons I like you, Miss Brooks I don't mean bashful shy I mean come to the station house shy I don't understand, Miss Brooks Is there something wrong? Are you being serious, Mr. Boynton? Do you think you could ever love an embezzler? I never have What's this all about, Miss Brooks? Oh, well, let's forget it Let's live for today Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die Here's another 15 cents Give me the top of that sandwich Are you sure everything's all right, Miss Brooks? Oh, let's not talk about it, Mr. Boynton Tell me, why are you eating in the lab? Cutting down on expenses? Well, sort of I've been a little short all month You too? Well, I'll be solving it again this afternoon Mr. Conklin's buying a sport jacket of mine It's one that was sent to me for Christmas and he just insists on my selling it to him It says he wants to wear it to the faculty masquerade ball next month Masquerade ball? What kind of a jacket is it? Well, it's green suede, Mr. Conklin's going his robin hood Oh, he's a natural What's he giving you for it? About $25 Gee, I'm glad I dropped in today It's good to see you, Mr. Boynton Well, thanks, Miss Brooks What are you going to wear to the masquerade, Mr. Boynton? I don't know, I haven't made up my mind yet You only think you haven't made up your mind yet Mr. Boynton, I happen to have in this box the ideal costume for you Oh, but Miss Brooks, I... Let me unwrap it for you Now tell the truth, Mr. Boynton Who always wins the grand prize at fancy dress affairs? Men who dresses women Men who dresses women? You're so right, Mr. Boynton Now take your jacket off I don't want that Now that's a good boy Just slip this dress on for size Oh, but Miss Brooks, I'll never be able to get into it This adabery could get into it You can get into it Now come on, right over your head Just straighten it out There I feel ridiculous, Miss Brooks Why, it looks lovely on you, Mr. Boynton And I'm going to let you have it very reasonably But it's so tight Naturally it's tight now But that's easily corrected It'll fit you perfectly when you've got the proper foundation garment on Foundation garment? Oh, excuse me, Walter and I We're just… Oh, hi, Miss Brooks Hello, Harriet, Walter We were… Who was your friend? What a bill! Walter, please It's Mr. Boynton Mr. Boynton? I'm just trying on a masquerade costume Oh, I see Well, the reason we were looking for you, Miss Brooks Was to tell you that Daddy wants to go over those school savings records right away I know he does, Harriet But I haven't been able to make a certain deposit yet However, as soon as I sell this dress to Mr. Boynton Oh, I'm afraid I can't buy this, Miss Brooks It's just not my type of costume Oh, but Mr. Boynton, it looks… Wait a minute, Miss Brooks If Mr. Boynton doesn't want the dress Maybe my mother will buy it I know she's been saving up for one Really, Harriet? Do you think she'd like it? Well, I think so Would you mind modeling it for me, Mr. Boynton? Modeling it? You know, walk up and down with your hand on your hip I had to do that once when I first joined a fraternity This is absurd, I… Please, Mr. Boynton Just a few steps Well… A pretty girl is like a man… There you are, Miss Brooks Oh, hello, Mr. Conklin Hi, Mr. Conklin Hello, Mr. Conklin Hello, Miss Boynton Now then, Miss Brooks I have been expecting… Mr. Boynton I was just trying it out for size, Mr. Conklin I know this is a biology laboratory But what kind of an experiment is this? Oh, it's just the masquerade, Mr. Conklin I don't want to hear any more about it I presume you still haven't prepared the school savings record yet No, I haven't, Mr. Conklin Well, I'll be tied up for the rest of the day But bring them to my home immediately after school And they'd better balance Let's see now, where were we? Oh, yes She will leave you and then… You'll just take this chair by the desk, Miss Brooks We'll check these columns of figures Oh, before you do, Mr. Conklin There's something I'd like to explain You see, when you add them all up, they don't… I'm sure I'm mentally equipped to add a column of figures, Miss Brooks Six, six, eight, or fourteen, nine, twenty, twenty, seven Excuse me, I was good Please, Martha Can't you see I'm trying to do some work here? Well, I just want to talk to Miss Brooks for a minute Well, go ahead, but be quiet about it Yes, dear Come over here, Miss Brooks I see you're wearing the dress, Mrs. Conklin How do you like it? Oh, I like it, fine How much did you say it was worth? Twenty-five dollars Oh, good You'll never guess where I keep my money, Miss Brooks Not in the school savings bank, I hope No, it's in the sugar bowl I'll go and get it for you, Miss Brooks Miss Brooks, come here this instant Yes, sir Hurry, Mrs. Conklin Now, sit down, Miss Brooks I've added these figures very carefully Three times And I still get the same total I know there's twenty-five dollars missing You knew? That's what I was trying to explain, Mr. Conklin You see, that was the money I didn't deposit But why not? Well, it was used for something else Something else? But that was a sacred trust, Miss Brooks How could you do such a thing? Why, that's an awful... Pardon me, I was good But I've got to talk to you There's twenty-five dollars missing from the sugar bowl I... Dict... Dict... From the sugar bowl? Only you and I knew that money was there, Osgood Well, you see, dear, my check isn't due for two weeks And I... I want that money, Osgood I want it now But she wants the dough, Osgood And she wants it now, see What? Well, I mean, not just anyone can play in the sugar bowl You've got to be invited by the Southern Conference Of course, this year the Rose Book I'll get it Good afternoon, Miss Brooks Hello, Mr. Boyden Well, here's that jacket, Mr. Conklin I must say it's a good buy for only twenty-five dollars Jacket? I meant to call you about that, Boyden I've decided against buying anything for myself I want to surprise Mrs. Conklin with a little gift A new dress Surprise! How much is this dress, my dear? Twenty-five dollars I just happen to have that amount on me Here you are, my dear Thanks, here you are, my dear Thanks The books are now balanced Oh, just a minute, Mr. Conklin Let me have fifty cents of that money Here you are, Mrs. Conklin But, Miss Brooks, what's the fifty cents for? Get yourself a mousetrap for the sugar bowl Now, Miss Brooks returns in just a moment But first, dream girl, dream girl Beautiful luster Beautiful luster Dream girl Tonight, show him how much lovelier your hair can look After a luster cream shampoo Only luster cream brings UK Dumas magic formula blend Of secret ingredients plus gentle lanolin Gives loveliness lather even in hardest water Glamourizes your hair as you wash it Luster cream Not a soap, not a liquid But a deity cream shampoo Leaves hair frequently clean Look free of loose dandruff Listening with sheen, soft, manageable Gives new beauty to all hairdos or permanents Four ounce jar, one dollar Smaller sizes, either tubes or jars Tonight, try luster cream shampoo And be a... Dream girl, dream girl Beautiful luster cream girl You owe your crowning glory to A luster cream shampoo And now, once again, here is our Miss Brooks Well, after the records were straightened out Friday afternoon Mr. Conklin gave me the money and told me to be sure and deposit it the following morning This time I didn't leave it on my dresser I put the twenty-five dollars in an old pair of galoshes in the hall closet I slept until almost ten o'clock Saturday morning And was just getting out of bed when Mrs. Davis came in Oh, glad you're up, Connie I thought that was the cutest thing You thought what was the cutest thing, Mrs. Davis? How you tried to give me some advance rent By slipping it into the galoshes you borrowed last week Oh, no! You didn't take that money and buy me another dress Of course not, Connie I bought you a lovely leather briefcase to keep the student's savings in Well, there's only one way out Get me a needle and thread A needle and thread? What are you going to do? What can I do? I'll sew some sleeves on it and sell it to Mrs. Conklin And one other Our Miss Brooks show brought to you by Pomolive Soap Your Beauty Hope and Luster Cream Shampoo For soft, glamorous, caressible hair Our Miss Brooks starring Eve Arden is produced by Larry Burns Written and directed by Al Lewis With music by Wilbur Hatch Men, do you shave with a lather or brushless shave cream? Pomolive shaving cream comes both ways And whichever way you prefer to shave You'll find that using either pomolive brushless Or pomolive lather shaving cream Can bring you more comfortable, actually smoother shaves Here's the proof 2,548 men tried the new pomolive-weighted shave Described on the tube And no matter how they had shaved before Three out of every four got more comfortable, actually smoother shaves Get pomolive brushless or pomolive lather shaving cream today Or mystery liberally sprinkled with laughs Listen to Mr. and Mrs. North The exciting, fun-packed adventures of an amateur detective and his beautiful wife Tune in Tuesday evenings over most of these same stations And be with us again next week at this same time For another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks Bob LeMond speaking This is CBS Columbia Broadcasting System