 Last night, my girlfriend and I were watching a show called Love on the Spectrum, and these are individuals, men and women who are on the autistic spectrum, Aspergers, and then there are some high-functioning autistic people in the show, and they're trying to find love. In many cases for the first time, I mean, there were many individuals, I think there was a man 63 years old who's never gone on a date before, another man who's 33 years old that never gone on a date before. And I was thinking what's unique about this show is, I think it's one of the true reality show that isn't quite a reality show, it's more of a documentary series, in the sense that these aren't scripted individuals. These are people truly speaking from what I believe is their heart. And what I want to share today is the story of a woman who again seems very high functioning in her autism. She had a master's degree and she started her own business and she went on a date with a man who was probably not quite at her level, but pretty close. And immediately on their first date, they hit it off, sparks flew. And at one point, she claimed that she loved him and that she was love struck and he was so giddy and what it seemed like is they were both childlike in this moment, quite childlike in the way they approached it. And then they had a second date. And what was interesting during the second date, he shared that, and by the way, she's very educated, successful in her own right. She started her own internet company or animation company at age 14. And he shared that he was working at Ralph's. And you could just see her face shift. And by the next segment, she basically said she wasn't interested in him anymore. And I thought to myself, well, men and women do this all the time to each other. They come on strong with each other. They get love struck, as she said. And then when it's set in about compatibility or whether or not they genuinely like a person, they end the relationship. Now, when she told him on the phone that she was ending it, he was devastated. I mean, he was truly, I mean, he was crying and it was rather sad to witness because on some sense, I don't believe she did this maliciously. I don't believe she was intentionally meant to hurt his feelings. In addition, I don't think she, you know, she got amped up on the love and the limerence and the lust and all that sort of thing, just like he did. He seemed, like I said, she seemed more high functioning. So why is this related to men? Well, because I don't believe men genuinely mean to hurt someone when they come on strong, when they love bomb or they're caught up in the limerence. I think in the initial stages, when you meet someone, you're excited about, your little kid comes out, just like in this case, their little kid comes out. And we oftentimes judge people a little bit differently in the sense that we would say unlike these autistic people, we would expect more mature people to have a better grasp of their emotions. And yet, I genuinely believe that most human beings have weak emotional maturity and weak relationship skills because they're in many cases not as developed in these areas of their lives. As yet, yes, we look at people who are successful and can pay their bills and that most likely should be more emotionally mature and have greater relationship skills. But the reality is this is an area within ourselves that is very rarely ever truly developed, especially in the relationship realm. So just like these people in love on the spectrum that are operating from an almost childlike place, the vast majority of human beings, men and women alike, are operating from this place of childlike in the sense that it hasn't been something developed for them. So do we judge a child who puts a hand over a flame because they didn't know it was going to burn? No, we just we look at them and try to protect them. And in this particular case, why I'm bringing this up is I operate from the assumption that most people have weak emotional maturity, weak relationship skills, and it's incumbent upon the individual to develop that within themselves. And what's interesting and no disrespect for women here, but many of you believe that you're very good at this and yet I witness over and over again how few women actually can communicate their thoughts and feelings in a way that can be seen and heard and understood by a man. Certainly men struggle with that as well. And worse, many of you ladies are afraid to speak your truth to a man for fear that he's going to leave you. And there's no benefit to holding your truth in. When I wrote my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway, there's a copy of it right there. Chapter one is speak your truth, do it with kindness. And later on in the book, I share that if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So this young woman who is speaking from her heart, now maybe her judgments of what she thinks she wants, you know, she was she didn't want them guy who was working at Ralph. She wanted someone at her own level. Maybe that bled in. We oftentimes, our judgments, our egos can get in the way of a genuinely sincere love. And it was interesting right from the beginning when they hit it off, my girlfriend and I were like, oh, this is so sweet. We hope these two make it. We genuinely hope that these two would make it. And like many of us experiencing relationships today, we're operating from a place of childlike, not from. And we somewhat expect more from people. But at the same time, I'm really here to encourage an understanding that most people struggle in this area of relationships. And I don't believe men in particular are intentional in wanting to hurt someone when they go over the top in the beginning and then they pull away for whatever reason. This is why, ladies, I've always said, I've heard this story. Men are the gas and women are the brakes. And what that means is it's incumbent upon you to keep the pace of the dating process one of actually getting to know one another, getting to know one another from a deeper level. And yet dating today is hyper-focused on chemistry and romance and not actually determining true relationship compatibility. And more importantly, true emotional maturity is this person capable from an emotional level to navigate the challenges in a relationship. And I know many of you would prefer that the men be the leaders of the relationship. And you can just sit back and let him do all the work. No, you are in charge of your relationship, Essany. Do not give that job to a man. And if something does happen where a man pulls away ghosts or disappear, again, I don't believe it's met in any malicious sense. And just like this young woman, it was done because they operate from a lack of awareness of putting themselves in the other person's shoes in the very beginning. And if everybody would start to put yourself in the other person's shoes and be responsible for the other person's feelings from the get-go, maybe we'd be less likely to dive into the deep end without knowing whether or not you have a life vest to be able to swim to shore later on down the road. Did that make sense? All right, I think I've pontificated enough today. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Please post a comment below if this resonated with you, if you have something to share. As always, if you find value in the group, please tell your friends about Midlife Love Mastery. Send them to my website, JonathanAsley.com. Have them click the group coaching button so they can join our fantastic group. And I'm gonna sign off this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Barrow of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. My voice is escaping me. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, teddy bear or pillow and give it or them a hug of love. There's a teddy bear because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch, bye-bye now, bye-bye.