 So, good morning everybody. Why is this so funny for you? Because you don't know what we are talking to. Good morning or good afternoon or good evening? Just hi and welcome back to the YouTube channel. Yes. My name is Kwame and this is... Elaine. Yes, it's good to have you again. We are husband and wife. Maybe it's too much. Well, for us it's morning, that's why I said good morning. Yeah. So, it's good there's no smell because I still have coffee bread. Okay, so much information out there today. Yeah. So, we are back with a new video. As you know, I'm a writer, so I write everything down. So, we'll dive into that very quickly. Because last time we did things men wish... Women knew about them. Yeah. Yes. But of course, hello, we also have to do it the other way around. So, that's why I gathered some notes. And we take it from there. And we also had quite a bit of discussions amongst ourselves. Because, I mean, we played around with the gender roles last time. Like men wished... Wanting this. Yes, exactly. But ultimately we are aware that not everybody fits into those boxes of a stereotype. Because that's what we're doing it in a stereotype. Yeah, what men want and what women want. It's very binary. And we know that... And limiting. Limiting as well. Yeah. We are very aware that not everybody aligns with those gender stereotypes. And we also believe that men and women have female and masculine energy. So, it's not to put anybody into a box. It's more to play around with it, see where you can relate to and take it from there. And we find it extra important to stress this. Because, especially now in Ghana, there's a bill that's going to be passed or they want to pass it. They want to pass it. It hasn't been passed yet. Yes. That is limiting or criminalizing LGBTQI plus people. And not only they but also their allies. So, even if you would share something on social media about their rights then you could be criminalized. Yeah. Basically infringing on basic human rights of those people. And the funny thing is a lot of people haven't even gone through the proposed bill very well. But there are some elements in there that also criminalize or put certain activities of even normal quote unquote heterosexual activities into the criminalization margin. Which it just doesn't make sense in total. Everything about the bill. So, that Ghana is also talking about what would this mean because it also limits freedom of expression. They're not allowed to gather into organizations anymore. So, it's quite problematic. So, that's why we got talking about gender stereotypes and this whole discussion we had over this week. So, that's why I wanted to also share this, that this is going on. We'll link to some news articles in the description. So, you can form your own opinion. We are not here to start this discussion but we do want to point out that that's currently happening in Ghana. It's something that also we discussed at home and something that's... Yeah, we want to share with you guys as well. So, just basically letting you know that this video is not putting both or doing a gender role thing where it's limiting to only heterosexuals what men want, what women want. So, you can also look at it as what I want more from my partner. No matter the gender or how you define yourself or what you identify with whether it's female, male, non-binary... Whatever you want, whatever you demand from your partner if you can relate to any of the things that... Well, we're doing the reverse. So, Elaine is going to actually read out some of the things and then we're going to react to it. So, if you haven't seen the first video as well you can check out the first video and we're going to do today's talk. So, I tried to look for exactly the same article online so things that women wish men knew that is not there and it often was very on a sexual thing. So, apparently the wishes of women are immediately sexualized which is also problematic. That was just a side note in my research but then luckily I found someone, a Buzzfeed article it's also in the description about small gestures that women wish men did more. So, I picked a few and then I will talk on it as well. The first one, it hit home right away. Sorry, microphone. So, putting your phone away while you're doing activity together it shows that you're focused on me and the conversation and the activity. It's the ultimate sign of effort. Speaking of which, I don't know where my phone is. It's the ultimate sign of effort for a YouTube channel. So, yeah, do I do that often? So, for me, this also relates to what kind of love language you have so for me my love language is quality time so spending time either with you or my friends or my family I want you to be present I want us to have adventures like me in the moment and of course the phone is always there but I for example, I don't look at my phone when I'm with my friends and I remember that I used to have a big problem with that because before we started dating she would go out with her friends and she is like 200% present in the moment and doing stuff with your friends and you text her and from where I was coming from was what if there's an emergency that you react too late? I don't say look on your phone all the time but I mean do check from time to time it's okay to check from time to time Yeah, but now you're moving away from initial feedback is that when we're doing something it's nice if your phone is out of the room and especially with you because a lot of your interactions are on social media I mean your work is on social media so your work is social media so I know it's difficult for you to disconnect from it but I guess you already know because you're not giving any counter Yup, I'm not even going to know Alright, let's move to 2 before you get to work comfortable No, no, no, I'm fine I mean it's the truth, if it's the truth, what am I going to do? No, I'm not going to do anything about it I'm just going to admit and work on it Yeah, I think you do... I do ask and we have a phone with dinner some quality time together or sometimes I was like what's happening on your phone so I understand that if it's something like work I can back off but if it's not work I'm like Can you put it down for me? I'm here Okay, number 2 it's not number 2 because there are many more but the one I selected sometimes I need guys to just be listeners and not fixers when I have a problem My husband, okay so the lady had a husband My husband always wants to go into fixing mode but sometimes the fix is sitting with me holding me or letting me cry out Yeah, that's very applicable Yes And in my defense when I see my partner in the situation that they're in like instinctively what kicks in is to try and help them not feel sad or terrible or find solutions immediately So it doesn't always click to me that sometimes they just want to be listened to and it just doesn't feel okay not doing anything about it Yeah, but I think that's where your perception is different because sometimes listening to it I'm capable to find my own solutions but sometimes my feelings are so all over the place that that has to be expressed first before I can move on to like okay this is how I can fix it and I see that you're carrying that you want to provide a solution but sometimes you need to process the feelings that it triggers so yeah I think recently we had one where I came from work, had a long day we had an event and there was something with a colleague and I couldn't really put my finger on it and I felt like I had done something wrong or I didn't act accordingly and I was just so sad about it but I was also tired so because I was tired it made me cry but And I don't like seeing that So the problem was trying to fix it like oh no but you can do it like this and that just overwhelmed me like no I can't do anything now and I'm just sad I need to take a break I need to breathe and then I also tried to tell him like sorry I can't process this right now so sorry so I see your intention but I need to fix it I need to breathe first let it manifest and then you can go forward but that's also sometimes difficult I can understand and also when to do what because maybe at some point I want a solution and then he's listening and he's just like yes and sometimes you do that like you say that can you say something or what do you think and then oh ok so now you're allowed to or not allowed but now how do we make a distinction then it's difficult a different situation so how do you are you going to tell me the situation that you need something all the time I think we're already doing it a little bit I think never stops ok number three when you compliment a woman instead of complimenting her looks so something physical give her a compliment about a part of her personality this goes further than you think yeah because how I look it's just temporary I know but I think I do well on the complimenting side not just like physical look I do tell you how kind you are how actually really smart like quick thinking on your feet and how you support so I do compliment you on those things it's not just it's nice because especially with skills that I mean these are my skills so I know I have them but they're not extraordinary for me but they are extraordinary to me because it affects me in the way you are experiencing it so it's nice when it points out and it's also yeah I think for me also the biggest compliment is when I make you laugh it's like my hobby and it's funny because also I mean we speak English together because obviously you can't do Dutch she's going to say that she's very funny in Dutch yes oh my paper fell I'm going to go get it but just for the sake of document I am more funny in Dutch because I mean that you know how humor comes to very subtle things yeah I can I see that a lot in tree how people are making fun in tree is so different than in English even the translation I think I'm also funnier in G that's what you also said so actually we're not a lot but this could be much more we really master each other's language but there's a topic for another YouTube video yes number four random little gifts like your favorite candy bar something small like your favorite candy bar flowers they can go a long way flowers but it's funny because last in the other video guys also said this but I couldn't generally relate but you do like yeah okay you're not a kid person but because of the last video I think one of the guys mentioned coffee in your favorite mug yeah one of the guys I mean the comments of the things that men wish women knew and I was like no but then on Saturday or Sunday I don't remember when I told him how to do my coffee in the morning so I had to ask for it but at least I got a coffee in my favorite mug the reverse actually works for you like what the guy said actually was more in relation to you I mean the little things like you know a pat on the back or a coffee in my favorite mug makes me know that it's going to be a good day and I was just like I just want to go to work yeah that's true but I also think for me small little things is also like buying things we need in a house so for example now we need sponges or anything like you just buy it or you already bought it before I thought about it or replacing the soap when you finish bathing and the soap finishes yeah that I cannot stand so then he finishes the soap and then I'm going into the shower but I mean when you get into the shower you're not checking if everything is there at least I'm not doing that and then I'm already in the shower and then I want to grab soap but there's nothing there and I'm just like I don't have to towel and get into the kitchen it's a mess because things get wet and it's not nice things get wet okay see you're sexualizing everything what you mean everything this is the only joke you walked into I wasn't done yeah you walked into the joke how am I sexualizing anything anyway go on I have there and one I also really enjoy is when I get home from work after a long day and I'm already like what are we going to eat I don't feel like cooking and this doesn't happen often but it does happen sometimes then he already started cooking because that gives me so much space to breathe for the most part I probably already you go to the office on specific days and the days when you do go to the office and I know that this might be the situation I often try and put something together before you come yeah but that really helps I feel if I look for the women around me that we're always walking around with the grocery list or at least I am and I also look a lot in the fridge of what do we still have you know you have this meme when you open the door you see I see if something will change yeah like you only see stuff I think women take a lot of mental space I don't know maybe also men maybe what I see with my friends is in the household often women keep track of what is there, what is not there so it takes up a lot of space sometimes I'm not even wondering what I could do what else I could do with that space because it's quite a big amount of my time thinking about what to eat next I'm also a foodie so that also I don't function if I don't eat so that's why it's also a priority for me but that helps there's a gesture in that process so like he picked already something up or he's already cooking or he's like let's just order because we have a lot of discussions about the like I'm like oh I want to cook and you're like oh no you're too tired so we do that so those are also little gestures that are maybe look more practical but I can still really appreciate it last but not least introduce me to people immediately if he knows them it's always hi this is Elaine my wife my wife and I or if we're both new to somebody like hi I'm Kwame this is Elaine yeah I can relate to this one because you know a lot of people so anywhere we go I don't know a lot of people okay but you have to understand that compared to me because I'm relatively new in Accra you have worked in media people know you even if you don't know them so anywhere we go we at least run into one person or two that know him or he knows them and then he runs off and he's like I'm going to see my friend and he always says my friend my Quentin's friend for whatever I go to actually I think that's one conversation we should have using that term okay but that's maybe interesting a bit away so it's nice when he makes me part of the conversation and even though I probably won't say much anyway it's nice that you're introduced and yeah included and like contributing to the conversation that's you don't stand there like I'm just there I think that's very nice it's important otherwise you just leave the other person hanging like I don't know what to do so those were on my list I think I forgot two things so I think about the compliments it's nice when you compliment on the look but I think what a lot of men don't understand is that we don't dress up for you we dress up for ourselves especially with the makeup and stuff I dress up because I want to feel good or I feel a certain way I want to express that I don't dress up for you so when you compliment I acknowledge that you received the look or you have seen it and you appreciate it that's fine so it's like a cherry on top but I already have bought the whole cake for myself like I dressed up for myself so that's a nice one I think with the little gestures so the main difference there are a lot of differences between men and women but for women every month we go to our cycle and I think what sometimes men underestimate or at least maybe other bodies than women bodies is that half of the time half of the month at least for myself I don't feel like myself because my cycles at a point that I either feel super tired I feel very stressed I feel overwhelmed all these things so I know people especially men joke about oh periods is it your periods why you're cranky but it does have a huge effect do I do that? no good because I would kill you but can you imagine that every month half of the month because before it starts you're already affected by it your own body is betraying you you feel tired for no reason you feel overwhelmed you feel cranky and I know that in like the society there's not much space for women to talk about it but it is something that is very devastating sometimes because you're like this and this and this and my body won't allow it sometimes it feels like your own body is betraying you and that's half of the month all the time all the time so sometimes I'm really jealous of him because he can get so much done without those obstacles that are there and I love my body I love what it can do all these things don't get me wrong but sometimes I'm just so jealous that you have all this capacity and it's not blocked by a monthly thing that comes back every month and every month you never know what to expect and you have to take a step back or you have to change things and yes it makes us strong because we're dealing with pain on a regular basis and all these things we know how to listen to our bodies because we have to but sometimes it's so tiring so in the little gestures it's also nice that a partner keeps that in mind like okay she's acting a bit like on the edge maybe our body is not doing what she wants it to do and then that's enough so that was the last little thing not the little thing that was the little one I'm just looking at you like it's a struggle for me I'm not like believing it so I'm also curious if not only about this topic but about all the things I said if women can relate to this or not at all I'm very curious and also maybe how partners deal with a few of these things because we are different it doesn't mean it's a no-go area we have our differences and we try to find a way yeah that's about it okay so actually guys how do you feel that's a lot of like I like that you're speaking a lot and I yeah because it's about me yeah I know I'm happy about it I was just looking at you going about it's nice to listen to did you learn something or you already knew everything I don't know everything but most of the stuff were familiar yeah we talk about things a lot yeah okay thank you so much for watching okay so you guys if you like this video that's how you do it click the subscribe button we're going to be bringing you much more videos together as and when we can yeah so that's basically it my name is Kwame again and this is Elaine see you next time we'll catch you in the next video bye