 Alright everybody, welcome to the orientation for the memetics and info-hazards division. Now this is a full week of training and a long day, so be sure to get some coffee and a doughnut, because we don't have time to get food until lunch. I'm Junior Researcher Zach Ekshin, and I, uh, yes, question. Why aren't I having any coffee or doughnuts? Heh, looks like we have at least one veteran of the reality benefit orientation. Well, to put your mind at ease, why don't you get me some coffee and a doughnut or two? Yeah, I take it black, but add some milk and sugar just to cover all the bases. Hey, sprinkles. Nice. Now, you're right to be suspicious. You get lied to a lot at the Foundation. Little things like, we only put tracking chips in D-class. This will be the first time you've received amnestics in the location of the site you're currently sitting in. But today, I'm going to be completely honest with you. Which gets us to the important part. You don't have to worry about us secretly feeding you drugs. You will be very openly feeding you lots of powerful hallucinogens. The reason we're not bothering to hide it is because, like most info hazards, our psychedelic testing regimen works whether or not you know about it ahead of time. The reason we're making you trip balls is that we need to make sure you can handle your shit regardless of what your brain thinks is going on. It doesn't matter if the walls are melting and cats with your grandmother's face are telling you the secret history of the world. You write e-reports, conduct tests, and follow the containment procedures. You document everything that grandma cats tell you and write it out until you punch out. What's in your head can't hurt you unless you let it. To work with info hazards, you need to notice when things don't make sense. And this is the important part. Respond accordingly. Do you suddenly have a spouse you didn't this morning? Well, maybe you shouldn't consummate that relationship. Are you always a worshiper of the omnidimensional blood gods you're thinking about building a shrine to? Maybe instead you should talk to your supervisor because we sure don't need another prophet to. ████████ Hey, that got everybody's attention. Yeah, part of what you'll learn is how NOT to say things. Did you know that ██████ percent of redacted information in memetic censoring? It's written there as clear as day, if you have the clearance in counter-programming. Want to know how it's done? Well, first ████████. ██████ Alright, everybody back? Yep. For those of you not keeping track, that was almost an hour you aren't going to remember until you earn it. Exactly, none of you have the training or clearance to know any of that. Yet. We're going to teach you to walk through fire, feel like your brain is melting out of your ears, and still keep going. We will put your minds in the forge and hammer at them until they are stronger than steel. End-effecting and weird psychic SCPs will slide off of you, and information-based containment breaches will be just another day at the office. Well, look at the time. That's about it for the introduction. Next we'll watch the instructional video in handling Euclid Info Hazards, and then you'll have pizza for lunch. There should be enough for two slices for everyone, and it is required everyone eat both slices, because it's chock-full of drugs.