 So right now, more than ever before in human history, we've found that people are feeling lonely. There's actually been studies on this and the studies have shown that people are getting lonelier and lonelier even with social media out there and everybody feeling like maybe they're more connected than ever on the internet, they're actually feeling more and more alone in the real world. And so you may be feeling lonely, you may be feeling disconnected, you may be feeling depressed, especially depressed, especially with what's going on right now in the world and in all the turmoil and there's a lot of people who are scared and frightened and isolated. And so today I'm gonna be talking about how to make yourself happy and enjoy your life and feel good about yourself and what you should be doing every single day even if you're isolated and feeling lonely right now. Hi, my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. So let's talk about the different things that you want to do. So if you're feeling isolated and you're feeling alone and you're at home, what's the best thing that you can do? The fastest way to change the way that you feel and what's going on in your body, let's say you're depressed or you're angry or you're just feeling down for whatever reason, the fastest way to change that is to interrupt the emotional pattern that's going on in your body at the moment. And the quickest way to do that is to change your environment. So what happens is we get into patterns and we get into a pattern of how we're sitting, we get into a pattern of the place that we are, the place that we're in can trigger kind of different types of emotions and then we get stuck in that. And so a really quick way to change that is to change your environment. So go for a walk, go into a different room, just go and spend some time in different types of environments and just change up how your mind is relating and associating to the things around you. That is the fastest way to change how you're feeling in the moment. The second thing you want to do is change your physical position, change how you're standing. If you're sitting, stand up. Like I said, you can go for a walk or do something which will change your body position as well. You can start dancing and singing and doing things that are fun, wherever it is that you are. You can do jumping jacks, just change your actual physical position. Just get out there, stretch your body out, just get, you know, open yourself up to the world and to your life and to everything. Dance around, move around, jump around. Do whatever you can to kind of shake up that emotional pattern that you're stuck in. So that's the first thing that you want to do. The second thing that you want to do is you'll want to change your focus. So most of the time, if you're feeling bad or something, it's because you're focusing on bad things. You're focusing on things that are wrong, that you don't want in your life. And so what you want to change is you want to start focusing on the things that you do want. Our minds are like a garden. And if you don't tend to this garden, weeds will end up growing. And if they grow for long enough, they'll end up taking over your garden and you'll just have a garden full of weeds. And so if you want flowers to grow, if you want plants to grow, you have to plant them and then tend to them every single day. Our minds are actually designed for a time when it was important that we learned about what was going on that was wrong and that was dangerous and all that kind of stuff. And now that we have all of this media and information flying into our feces at our fingertips all the time, what we do is we still kind of get stuck and tunneled into what's wrong instead of what it is that we want. And so what's good in your life? Just ask yourself that question. Think about what's actually good in my life right now. What can I celebrate? What am I happy about? What could I celebrate if I really wanted to celebrate something? And what I think you'll find is that there's always something that you can be happy about. You can be happy that you have a heart that's breathing without you even telling it to. You can be happy that you have different senses that allow you to experience the world around you. You have the sense of touch. You have hearing. You can hear what's going on right now with what I'm talking about. You can see things. You can see friends. You can see people. You can see the world around you. You can taste things, right? And all of these things can be great if you think about how they work and how great they are. You can think about the great environment that you live in, the great world that you live in, the world where you can get any kind of information that you want. You could ever want at your fingertips just by searching for it. And you can find just about anything you want out there. And it's pretty absolutely amazing right now. The other thing that you want to think about is what do you want in your life? What do you want to create in your life? What do you want to experience in your life? With most of the women that I work with, they usually tell me that they want some kind of relationship or they want to make money or they want a business or they want whatever. And in reality, what they're really searching for is a feeling, an emotion. So if I ask them why do you want that? Usually it'll come down to something like I wanna feel loved. I wanna feel cherished. I wanna feel like I'm important to somebody. I wanna be proud of who I am and what I've created in my life. And you can actually create those experiences if you want to. We'll get to that in a second here though. But first, you just wanna focus on what it is, what do you want in your life? What do you want more of? What do you want to create? What do you wanna be a part of? How do you wanna help? How do you want to live your life? If you could choose how you lived your life and you could design your life from scratch, how would you design it? And so that's what you want to focus on first is what it is that you want and what is good in your life right now. The next thing that you wanna do is change the way that you think, habitually change the way that you think. Like I said, if you don't specifically think about things that you want, your mind will go to the things that you don't want or what's wrong or the problems of the world. And so you can do a lot of different things to change the way that you think. One of the things you can do is listen to inspirational music, listen to things that inspire you, that make you feel good, that make you think about good things. You can listen to inspirational programs or read inspirational books or however it is that you like to consume content. Do more of that and spend more time getting in a habit of doing that every single day. Even if it's for 10 minutes or 15 minutes or 30 minutes, just spend a little bit of time every single day. Carve out a little bit of time to read and learn about something that inspires you, that makes you want to be bigger and better and greater in your life. Next, what you wanna do is start putting pictures or images or symbols around you that lift you up and inspire you. So your environment that you're in actually determines a lot about how you feel. And if you put things around you that inspire you, that make you feel good that are like your goals and the things that you're working on and the things that you wanna create, you'll look at those even with your subconscious mind and it'll make you feel more alive, more like you wanna go after those things. It'll remind your subconscious mind what you're doing in your life and what you wanna create. And so find different pictures and images that are symbols that make you feel alive and make you feel the things that you want to feel, that remind you of the things that you want to feel and get rid of any kind of images or pictures or things that make you feel bad about yourself. Next thing that you wanna do is shift your belief systems. And so I've talked a lot about this, especially in my program, The Forever Woman. And if you wanna shift your belief systems, what you have to do is figure out what do you want to believe, right? My suggestion is that you believe that you're somebody who's worthy, somebody who can have what it is that you want in your life, somebody who deserves what it is that you want in your life, somebody who's amazing, somebody who can create what it is that you want to create, who's worthy enough to receive the things in that you want to receive and you want to come to you in your life. And so these are really important things that you experience and that you do on a consistent basis. So you want to change the way that you think and your belief systems and put things around you and inspirational music around you and read and go through programs all the time so that you can change the way that your mind works on a daily basis. And if you do that every single day, you'll start to get into habit of it. And if you start to get into a habit of it, you'll start to build momentum. And it's amazing how you can shift your entire life if you're depressed, right? So the next thing that I wanna talk about is changing the way that you feel. This is the last one. If you really wanna change your life, change the way that you feel on a consistent basis. Depression is really just, it's just recognizing what's wrong in your life, recognizing what's wrong in the world and focusing on the things that are bad all the time and then getting into a habit of doing that over and over and over again. For most people that have depression, that's the reason for it is because they're constantly focusing on what's wrong, what's missing, what they don't have, what they should have, how the world should be, how politics should be, how life should be, how things aren't fair and how much they've lost. And if you do that, if you're constantly focusing on those things, no wonder you're gonna be sad all the time. And if you're sad all the time and you keep stacking those negative emotions on top of each other, next thing you know, and you do that on a daily basis, next thing you know, you're depressed and then you're wondering why you're depressed and then you're taking medicine for that and it doesn't work any because you might be changing your physiology a little bit but you're not actually changing your focus and changing what you think and feel on a consistent basis. And so you need to change the way that you feel on a consistent basis and what's the fastest way to change the way that you feel? It's to change what you're focusing on. So your focus determines your emotions. And so if you're focusing on something, you're gonna feel something based on that emotion. Let's say that you're trying to lose weight and you focus on the fact that you're too heavy and that you're too big and that people don't like you and that men aren't attracted to you and all those things, of course you're gonna be depressed but if you're focusing on the fact that you're making progress and that you're working towards your goals and that even though you messed up one time you're still moving forward and you're focusing on that body that you wanna have and the way that you're gonna feel once you experience having the body that you wanna have, all of a sudden you'll start to feel a completely different way. And if you do that over and over and over again, you'll eventually start to get into a habit of feeling a certain way and then it'll be easy, right? The way that we feel is actually, it's like imagine a field and in this field there's like different trails that go into different directions. Well, some trails are really beaten down and they've been walked on over and over and over again and it kinda creates this path, right? Maybe you've seen this in the real world and there's like a field and there's a path that goes through it and it's really beaten down and it's really easy to walk through. Well, if that path goes somewhere that you don't wanna go but it's really easy to go down that way, you might end up finding yourself walking down that path even though you wanna go in a different direction. And so what you have to do is start creating a new path, start creating a path towards the emotional experiences that you want to have on a consistent basis. And if you do that over and over and over again, eventually the old path will start growing grass and weeds and stuff and making it more and more difficult to go in that direction and the new direction that you wanna go into, the direction of feeling good and experiencing great emotions will start getting more and more beaten down so that it becomes easier and easier and easier to walk through until eventually it becomes like a street because it's so beaten down, it's so easy to walk through and you can just take anything through there if you need to. And so you want to spend time putting yourself into positive emotional states on a daily basis. Every single day you wanna do this because the more that you do it, especially if you're feeling bad, like I said, go through all the things that we're talking about, specifically interrupt the pattern, right? First you wanna interrupt the pattern, break things up, change your environment, change your physical positioning, whatever it is that you're doing, change what you're doing and then start putting yourself into positive emotional states. And so here are some positive emotional states that you might wanna get into. The first one is getting excited, getting excited about your life, getting excited for what's coming, getting excited for everything that you've experienced and that you wanna experience in your life, right? And just think about the things that you could get excited about, even if you're not excited right now, what could you be excited about in your life? And just spend some time thinking about that, spend some time visualizing yourself going through the process of getting to that point where you're experiencing the thing that you're excited about and what you'll start to notice is that you don't need that thing that you thought that you needed in order to feel excited about yourself or excited about life. All you need is yourself because those emotions, they don't come from the outside world, they don't come from the things that you think that are gonna make you excited, they come from your heart, they come from inside and you can make yourself feel that anytime you want to feel it. And all you have to do is think about the things that make you excited and just feel them and think about them and imagining yourself, getting into them and having them and creating them and that can make you excited in and of itself. Another thing that you wanna feel is feeling your own love, right? Feeling the experience of love and a really easy way to do this is to just think about a time when you felt loved. Just think about a time in your life where you felt loved and really get into that experience, that time when you were feeling so loved and what you wanna do is get a hold of that feeling that you have and remember that feeling and remember how you can make yourself feel that way anytime you wanna feel that way. And then what you can do is you can say you can start changing your questions up and start asking yourself things like, how can I experience more of the love that I already have for myself? And when you start thinking questions like that, all of a sudden what you'll do is you'll start coming up with answers and your answers will start coming out. Oh, I can recognize the fact that I'm taking care of myself. I can recognize the fact that I'm focusing on programs or watching YouTube videos that really make me feel alive and inspired and better about myself. And that's really part of the love that I have for myself. And you can start connecting to that and start realizing that you have a lot of love inside of you already and that you can experience that love anytime you want to. And the last thing that you really want to spend time feeling is the feeling of gratitude. So being grateful. And so a lot of times I'll talk to people and they'll be like, oh, well, I'm not, you know, there's nothing to be grateful for. My life is horrible and everything sucks, right? And that's fine, right? But what if you could be grateful? What's something that you could be grateful for? And we've already talked about some of the things like the richness of life, right? The senses, all the different senses that you have and whatever senses you do have and your ability to connect with the world. It's what allows us to connect with the world and connect with each other and connect with food and with drink and with friends and with everything, right? Just the moment to moment basis that we have in our lives connect to ourselves. And so what else can you be grateful for? You can be grateful for living in a time where you have all this amazing information at your fingertips. And a lot of times when I start talking about these things, sometimes women will start saying, oh yeah, but this is going on and but that's going on. And all that is, is your mind trying to hang on to what's wrong and what you don't want because it's got that clear path and you got to just stop yourself at that path and create the new path, right? Create a path that empowers you, that makes you feel alive, that makes you feel powerful, that makes you feel love, that makes you feel excitement, that makes you feel like you're happy on a daily basis. And you can do that. If you guys have any questions about this or situations or anything that's going on in your life, let me know in the chat and I will go over everything. I'll go over all the questions that you have here in a minute. So I just, first I wanna go back over everything that we just talked about. So the first thing that you wanna do if you really wanna be happy every day in your life, even when you're feeling isolated and lonely, what do you do? First thing you wanna do is interrupt your pattern. So change your environment. Go for a walk. Get into a different room. Just change things up. Make, create something different around you. That way you're not, you're not kind of stuck in this static pattern. And then the second thing you wanna do is change your physical position. So stretch, dance, do some jumping jacks. Just get your body moving. Get your, get everything flowing and moving. You can work out or do something like that that can completely change the way that you experience your life and change the pattern that you're in. And so the next thing you wanna do is change your focus. Focus on what you want instead of what's wrong. Remember, our mind is like a garden. What is good in your life? What do you want in your life? Next is consistently change the way that you think. Listen to inspirational music. Listen to or read inspirational programs. You can watch inspirational programs too. Like I've got, put pictures, images and symbols all around you that inspire you and lift you up. Shift your belief systems. Change the way that you feel. Remember, depression is actually a habit for most people and you don't have to fall into that habit. Start asking yourself questions that make you focus on positive things and the things that you want. Spend your time in positive emotional states. You can create those positive emotional states anytime you want to. And if you create a habit of it and you do it every single day, next thing you know, you'll have a ritual and you'll constantly feel good and happy. And like you're excited and that you love your life and that you're grateful to be here and to be around all this world that you're in and all the things that are going on in our world. So think of the things that are right, not the things that are wrong. All right, let's see if anybody has any questions in here. Bunny Bundy says, I cutie pie, hey. Sue says, hi, how are you doing from Sue? Hey, I'm doing great. Yep, Joanna says, change your state, change your life. That's right, Tony Robbins, that's right. Joanna says, love it when you talk NLP. Yeah, you know, NLP is really fascinating stuff and it really is powerful stuff. So it's very, very useful stuff. Maria says, I always be happy in my life. Well, good, should always be happy in your life. That's awesome. Laura says, dancing always lifts my spirit. That's right, go dancing. If you're feeling bad, just go dancing, go dance. Go dance in life, go get connected to things, right? Connect to yourself, connect to the world, connect to your spirituality, connect to God or whatever it is that you call kind of the universe or whatever the infinite power is in the world. Odin, some people call it Odin Thor. Joanna says, the triad, focus, language, physiology equals meaning. Yep, that is some Tony Robbins stuff right there. Helena Hart says, great topic, Matt. Just wanted to throw Helena up there. Thanks for being here, Helena. So Jenny says, I want more of Christ. All right, we'll get more Christ then. So Aisha says, hi, Matt, I love your videos. I'm at a very complicated state with someone I like. He's sometimes very friendly, then suddenly he ignores me a lot. What does this mean? It could mean a whole bunch of different things. So it sounds like, it depends on what's going on and how long you guys have been seeing each other. If you've been seeing each other for a while, it says I'm a very kind, someone I like. Okay, so it sounds like you guys aren't even actually dating or anything like that. It sounds like he's a friend of yours and you like him a lot and you want something more, but he doesn't even necessarily know that you want something more. Well, I mean, most guys, if I were you, I'd assume that he's attracted to you. I mean, if he's very friendly and then ignores you, it's like he's not pursuing you. He's not moving forward with you. He's probably attracted to you, but he feels like there's something, probably he feels like there's something a little bit missing there, which is why he doesn't pursue you and go after you or try to get you on a date or something like that. And so you just wanna be aware of that and realize that that's what's going on. And what you want is a guy who pursues you and chases you and asks you out on a date and values you enough that he's willing to do that and has enough confidence and self-worth in himself that he's willing to go and do that with you. And so here's my suggestion though. My suggestion is that you make sure you're doing what I talk about in the Forever Woman program. If you don't have that, there should be a link above or below this video. You can go to the foreverwomanformula.com and pick up a free copy of that program there and go through that and start doing what I talk about in there. And then some guy that you like but isn't pursuing you and ignores you, that's not gonna be one of your highest priorities if you're doing all the things that you should be doing in there. And it's very possible that he might start getting a lot more interested in you if you're connecting with him in a different way. So right now he may or may not be interested. You don't know. And he's not that interested enough that he's pursuing you. If you connect with him a different way, it's possible that he might start pursuing you more, right? If you start giving him clues, because it's also possible that he might not realize that you're really that interested in him. And so a lot of guys, they won't pursue something. They won't ask a girl out. They won't try to get you on a date or anything if you don't give him some kind of indication that you are interested in him because he doesn't want to feel like an idiot. Here, I'm just gonna throw her thing up on the screen here real quick so everybody saw what we're talking about. And yeah, so it's important that you use my system and do the things that you should be doing in that system, connecting with him in the right way, creating abundance of options and connection and setting yourself up for success in the best way possible. So it could mean a bunch of different things, right? It could mean that he's not really that interested in you. It could mean that he's really interested in you, but he's not sure that you really like him. It might be that he's just kind of walking around and trying to see what his options are and he's trying to get some girl to chase him. But it doesn't matter, whatever it is, what you need to be doing is using my system and then it'll get a lot clearer after that. Julie Tree says, I think my depression stems from my childhood abuse growing up and yes, I'm on medication. So does that make me bad less of a person? No, it doesn't make you bad or less of a person if you're on medication. It just means that you're buying into the system and the system isn't designed to make you better. The system is designed to keep you hooked on the system and so you're hooked on the system and you're gonna stay hooked on the system as long as you're on medication. And if I were you, I would change the way that I'm feeling so that I didn't need to be on medication and you can do that, right? As long as there's not some kind of like actual chemical imbalance that's going on in your brain, right? I don't wanna, I'm not a doctor. I'm not trying to give you any kind of medical advice or anything like that. But what I would say is that unless you have some kind of like actual chemical imbalance going on in your brain, then what you're probably gonna be doing is just setting yourself up to be hooked on this chemical dependence that you have and being stuck in that pattern over and over and over again. See, Julie Shree says, I'm happy most of the time but I do have my down days. Yeah, I mean, and that's actually pretty normal. Most people experience stuff like that. So Lori says, Matt, I was sexually abused when I was four to the age of seven. Could that have anything to do with the fact that I try so hard to prove that I'm worthy of a man's love? Absolutely. And that's actually a really, really common thing is, so depending on what happened to you early on in your life depends on how you'll kind of interact with people and situations later on in your life. And so if you were abused sexually or physically or emotionally or something like that, when you're younger, depending on what kind of meaning you created out of that depends on what ends up happening later on. So if you create meaning that says that you're only worth kind of these certain things because that's what somebody used you for, then what you might end up doing is trying to prove that you're worthy in other ways and you just continue to try to prove and prove and prove and prove. And you have to break that cycle. You have to break that pattern that you get into and you have to change the way that you look at your life and change your story, change the way that you think about your story. And I'm not trying to say that any of that should be discounted or anything that you experienced should be discounted in any way. But what I am saying is that the way that you look at that event, because some people will look at that event and say, I'm broken, I'm destroyed, I'm not worthy, I'm a victim to life. And other people will look at it and they'll say, you know what, this has given me a mission to create something bigger and better in the world. It's put me on a mission to make sure that this doesn't happen to other people, to create awareness around this problem that's happening in the world. It's created a challenge for me to get to a place where I'm not proving myself worthy anymore and that I know that I love myself and I know that I'm an awesome, amazing person and that I'm going to create the life that I want. And so it really depends on the way that you look at it. And my suggestion is that you do whatever healing that you need to do around that and you spend some time reshaping the way that you think about your life now and you don't have to go back to that period. Some people will talk about healing work and they're like, oh, you have to go back and experience all the emotions and stuff at that time. You can do that. That is one way of doing it, but you don't have to. You absolutely never have to go back and revisit that again for the rest of your life if you don't want to. What you can do is change the way that you think about yourself, change your identity, change your story about who you are and what your life is about and go and one of the things I talk about in the forever woman gold club program is this new program that I created. It's called the gold club. And if you join the forever woman, you can actually go and check that out. And the first video I have in there is something where I talk about this concept that I call identity hacking. And identity hacking is just looking at the way that you think about yourself right now. So if you think about yourself as like I was saying before, if you think about yourself as broken, as not good enough, as disposable, as all these different things, right? That those things will define how you experience your life and how you interact with different people, especially men and relationships in general. And so what you wanna do is figure out who you are at your best. Who are you when you're living your best life, right? What characteristics do you have? How do you act? How do you behave? How are you being when you're being your best? And I guarantee it's not being a victim or getting all woe is me and all that kind of stuff. Again, not to like discount anything that's ever happened to anybody. But at the same time, who you are when you're living your best is your most, for most people, they're inspired, they're confident, they're strong, they're going after their life, they're creating the things around them, they're responsible for who they are and the results that they create in their life. They're filled with love and enjoyment and happiness and excitement and all these things, right? And what you can do is you can figure out, okay, when I'm being that way, when I'm that person, who am I? Like and name it, actually create a name around that person, create an identity for that person and then take on that identity. And whenever you're feeling sad or you're feeling down or you're feeling lonely, what you can do is you can say, am I being this person, right? And some people will say the goddess, right? Or the queen or powerful or sometimes they'll give it like an actual name like Susan. Am I being Susan right now or am I being this other person that I don't like being? And so what you wanna do is you wanna get into that person that you're being at your best as much as you possibly can and really integrate that inside of who you are and try to get into that person on a daily habitual basis. And eventually, like I said, what you'll do is you'll start creating a new path and that new path will make you feel inspired and powerful and strong more of the time. I think I answered your question. Yes, I did. Okay, so Jerry says, right on. Life is so beautiful. It starts with you. Love you, Matthew. Thanks for all you do. Well, thank you for saying that. I appreciate you being here. So Emmy says facts. Whoa, facts. That's what I say too, facts. Julie Tree says, I'm grateful, not hateful. That's what I'm talking about. Be grateful, not hateful. Facebook user says, I'm excited to get my house cleared out of stuff I do not need. Is it good feeling? I'm excited to be able to relax and read and draw and get back to my creative side. I'm grateful to be alive and healthy and being able to continue and learn and grow. Thank you, Matthew. Awesome, that's what I'm talking about. Whoever you are, anonymous Facebook user. That's exactly what I'm talking about. There you go. Be grateful. Find the things that you're grateful for. And don't just talk about them, really feel them. Think about the people that are in your life, the things that are in your life and really try to get into the experience of feeling like your life is blessed. Like you have all of this abundance of resources and things that you want in your life. That's what I'm talking about. That's awesome. So thank you for sharing that, whoever that was. Lale says, I am down. I'm so down now, I've been depressed for decades. Yeah, well, change, do exactly what I talked about. Try it. Try it out. Physically take action and do something different and see what happens when you do that. Joanna says, are you familiar with the Dickens process? Great for making changes. Yeah, I think the Dickens process, I have to go back to look at what exactly the Dickens process was. I think it has to do with going to your, because the Dickens is from that Christmas movie, right? Where he has the ghost of future past and the ghost of future present and the ghost of future future. I don't, whatever those three ghosts were, I'm pretty sure that's where it came from. And thinking about, I think it's about thinking about how your life would be or something if you, I, you know what, I'm just gonna butcher it. So I'll just stop right there, Joanna. I've heard about it. I don't think I've actually used it before, but that's a good thing to think about. So, well kept says, I'm loving this, so positive attitude. I love this, awesome. Tiffany said, three, hand sanitization protocol when you leave the house, okay, then you'll be fine. Yeah, yeah, when you leave the house, make sure you sanitize your hands. That's true. That's true. Definitely wanna sanitize your hands. Denise said, I like to go for a hike or get into a house project. There you go. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, I mean, and if you're on here right now and you have ways of breaking your own pattern and getting yourself into positive emotional states, share it in the chat and I can talk about it. And then we can share all the ideas with everybody that's here. So thank you for mentioning that, Denise. Linda says, do I need to lean back in a committed relationship? I'm bringing him to Canada, but he has become cranky and cold. I'm trying my best to be a goddess, just hurts. Do I tell him that? And then, so you're bringing him to Canada. I'm not sure what you mean by you're bringing him to Canada. Maybe you guys have plans to meet in Canada or something like that. That's a really interesting photo, by the way. Do you have fun on there right there? So do I need to lean back in a committed relationship? Yeah, if he starts going cold, you want to lean back. That's exactly what you wanna do is you just wanna give him some space. Cause what happens sometimes is, so guys, a lot of times they'll work on goals, right? Guys tend to be goal oriented and they have this focus. And so you give them this thing and it's already happening and you're like, okay, you're coming to Canada, right? And he's like, oh, I'm going to Canada, you know? And then he's like, okay. And then it's like, slotted. Like he's going to Canada now. And so he might start working on a bunch of other things while he's getting ready to go to Canada because he wants to get these things taken care of before he gets over to Canada. And so it could be that he's doing that. I mean, I don't know what your travel plans are and all that kind of stuff. But yeah, absolutely. You wanna lean back if, anytime, right? This works whether it's a new relationship, an old relationship, committed, friend with benefits, casual, any of that kind of stuff, any kind of relationship that you might be in. I don't know where the relationship is in relation to me, but wherever it is, what you wanna do is if he goes cold, you wanna lean back, right? So lean back, lean back. So anytime, and I call this mirroring and you do it anytime and it'll keep you out of trouble. If he's leaning forward, you can lean forward and you can kind of do anything you want. If he's got forward momentum and he's doing things with you and he's connecting with you and all that kind of stuff, then you can lean forward and connect with him and do all that kind of stuff. If he starts leaning back and getting cold and stuff, you wanna lean back as well and just mirror his interest level and whatever it is that he's doing. And that way, when he's leaning back and he starts getting cold, he'll start thinking about you and being like, man, I wanna talk to and hang out with her and have these conversations with her again. Whereas if he leans back and you start moving forward and trying to get all over him, he's gonna feel smothered and like he can't miss you, right? He can't miss you if you're always there. He can't miss you if you're always there. That's just, that's it, right? Trying to keep my hands in the video here. He can't miss you if you're always there, right? That looks a little weird, so I'm not gonna do that again. All right, so Janet says, I'm excited to get my house cleared out of stuff I do not need is good feeling. Yeah, I think, yeah, I think you already said that one. But yeah, awesome, get your house cleared out of things you don't need. Pam says gratitude list, that's right. Gratitude list, that's what I'm talking about. So Denise said, this is a great topic for people to hear. I wish everyone was listening to you right now. Great job, Matthew. Well, thank you, I appreciate that. Feel, it feels good to be doing a great job. So I appreciate you telling me that. I think everybody should be watching this too. Anonymous Facebook user says, Matthew, thanks Matthew, your video is very inspiring. Well, I'm happy that this is inspiring to you. Tijana says, Tijana, Tijana says, hello Matt, I've been seeing this guy for about two years and I feel like he want me, then I feel like he is seeing others and he doesn't make enough time for us but he tells me I am all he wants. So there's, I mean, okay, I mean, there's a whole bunch of different things that could be going on here right now, Tijana. And you wanna, I mean, you know, one thing that I haven't heard is whether you guys are actually in a committed relationship. He might tell you that you're all that he wants but if he's not pursuing a committed relationship, you guys have been seeing each other for two years, you know? If you guys, are you trying to get married one day? It doesn't sound like he's kind of moving in that direction. Are you guys living together? Are you guys still hanging out and hooking up? Like what's the situation here? And it sounds like there's a lot of weird things going on there with him and what's actually going on and it concerns me a little bit. This concerns me, Tijana. I'm concerned. This is my concerned look. This is my concerned face. So whenever I have this face, you know that I'm concerned and I'm concerned about your situation. So think about that. All right, Adrian says, hi Matt, great topic. Good to see you. It's good to see you too. I'm glad you're here Adrian. It's good to see you. You know, I don't think we've talked in a while. So thanks for being here. Constance says, I like, I take a solitary walk every day and listen to music to get in touch with my design. This is what I'm talking about. Constance, you are exactly what I'm talking about here. Thank you so much for bringing this up. This is exactly what I'm saying and she's doing it. She's already doing it. I mean, how much better can you get than that? So CJ says, what about someone wanting attention or demands attention all the time every day and then gets upset when I don't respond to his messages on time or constantly nagging a bit, LDR. Yeah, I mean, what that usually says is that he's insecure and that he's, he might have an anxious attachment. And so it's one of those things where you're gonna have to get used to this, right? If this is something that he's doing now, he's gonna be doing this forever. And so you gotta realize that that's what's going on and you have to decide whether that's something that you want to deal with forever or not, right? That's what it is that, you know, like a lot of women come in and they're like, okay, this guy's doing this, you know, what should I do? And it's like, he's gonna be doing that forever. There's no way to stop him from doing that, right? He has to decide that he, you know, he has to do some healing or some, you know, worthiness stuff in order for him to feel like he doesn't need to, you know, constantly get all of your attention. And if he does that, then he can be in a healthier spot and you can have more of a regular relationship with him. But if he doesn't do that, which he probably won't, if he hasn't already and hasn't started doing already, then you have to decide whether that's something that you want to deal with all the time. And there are other issues that might end up coming up because he does that, and it's only gonna get worse. It's gonna get worse before it gets better if it ever gets better, which you probably won't, it'll probably just keep getting worse because what you're gonna end up doing is you're gonna start pulling back and leaning back and be like, whoa, whoa, I need some space and all that kind of stuff. And if he's getting angry about that, it's just he's gonna get more, he's gonna lose more and more and more power in the relationship and you're just gonna gain it and gain it and gain it. And he's gonna think you're the most amazing woman in the world. And then he's gonna start getting spiteful because he's insecure and he's not confident in himself. And then next thing you know, he's gonna be blaming you for things and he's gonna be angry and stuff. And so if I were you, I'd probably get out of that situation and get into a healthier situation with somebody who's got a better attachment style and who has more confidence and security in himself because that's not going away anytime soon. So Denise said, yes, music is the best. Always helps to lift, uplift my spirits. Music and cooking or sometimes a fire and candles or a good movie, awesome. That's awesome. That's what I like to hear. I like to hear that kind of stuff. So Aisha says, thank you Matt so much for your great advice. It gives me a step to think that I'm worthy and not to overthink him. You're such an inspiration. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. Really appreciate that. So a Facebook user, anonymous Facebook user says, exactly whatever might have happened in your childhood, you do not have to continue living as a victim for the rest of your life. Exactly, exactly. That's exactly right. Irene says, if he is an introvert and loves his solitude, should I let him initiate the text all the time? Well, you should, so first off, what you should do is go get the forever woman program. I cover this topic in depth in there as well as a lot of other topics. And no, it's not one of those things where he should be texting and initiating the text all the time. It's not all the time ever, right? You don't ever want to be in a situation where he's just doing everything and you're doing nothing. You want to be contributing to the situation as well. You always wanna be contributing to the situation. And you wanna make sure that he knows that you're interested in him continuing to contribute into the situation. And for the most part, what you wanna get to is somewhere where there's him initiating contact most of the time. And so sometimes it might be kind of an 80-20 thing. It might be a 70-30 thing. What you don't wanna do is go past the 50% mark where you're initiating contact more than he is. Because once you start getting into that realm, what ends up happening is that you start feeling like you're doing everything. He starts leaning back and doing nothing. And then next thing you know, you're in a situation where you don't even know if he's interested in you anymore because he's just leaning back, letting it happen. And you're doing everything. And then you stop doing stuff and you'll need to find out what's going on. So no, you don't need to not ever initiate contact. You can totally initiate contact as long as he's been pursuing you and he's been initiating contact some of the time, most of the time, a lot of the time. If he's been doing that, then yeah, you can reach out to him and say hi and what's up and how you're doing and all that kind of stuff. Is he planning dates? You can reach out. It's not a big deal, right? It's not a big deal as long as he is moving forward, he's chasing you, he's pursuing you, he's investing in you. If he's doing those things, it's totally okay if you reach out to him and say hi or whatever, right? It's not a big deal. He doesn't have to initiate all the time. Great question, Irene. Thanks for asking it. So Lori says, thanks, Matt. You helped me a lot. I'm going to work on what you told me. Good, that's what I like to hear. Facebook user says, true, creating a path is the right way to move on with your life. It's right, create a path. Make it strong. Make it a path that you always wanna go down. Going down, going down. Oh, I'm singing now. I'm singing guys, I'm singing. All right, what do we got? B Randy says, I'm about to turn 42 and you're talking about changing about 37 years of abandonment issues and abuse, yep. It's so daunting to change my thinking. I seem to always get triggered to the dark place. Yeah, and it's one of those things. Like if you need help, you should get help, right? If it's really difficult for you, you can get help and it doesn't have to be like therapy or psychiatrist and stuff like that. There's a lot of programs out there. I think Joanna was talking about Tony Robbins. Tony Robbins has some great programs out there that can help you kind of reshape the way that you look at yourself. I'm a big fan of Tony Robbins. I go to lots of his events all the time. I love his work. He's great, great guy. And so yeah, absolutely. You can, it can be really difficult, especially when you have 37 years of abandonment issues and abuse behind you. It can be very, very difficult and you might need some serious kind of work and some serious leverage to pull yourself out of that and get into a better spot, but you can do it. You can absolutely do it. Anytime they say that you can't teach an old dog new tricks, you can absolutely teach an old dog new tricks if you get enough leverage and not saying that you're an old dog, not saying that at all, right? All I'm saying is that you can change. If an old dog can change, you can change. Amazing young spry, got a lot of pep in your step. Woman like you can definitely change if an old dog can change, right? Am I getting myself into hotter water here? Am I getting myself into hotter water? Okay, I'll just shut up now and move on. Okay, Yolanda says, hi, Matthew, how are you? I'm doing amazing. Thanks for asking. I am fantastic. Thanks. Denise says, I want to find a guy like you. You are awesome. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. So Irene says, what should I do to stop guilt trip him again? To stop guilt trip him again? I don't know, what do you do? Are you guilt tripping him, Irene? Well, just stop doing that. Why are you guilt tripping him? Just replace it with better language and creating a better connection. Get my program, the forever woman, the foreverwomanformula.com, go pick up the program and learn how to talk to a guy in a way that makes him want to connect with you more instead of feeling like he's being guilt tripped. Absolutely. Vivian says, hey, Matthew, Durban, South Africa, you are amazing. I'm loving the social isolation. It's a real gift, but thank you for all that you share, all that you share. Uh-oh, got me singing again. Got me singing, Vivian. Stop it, stop doing that. Don't want me singing on camera here. My crazy, does anybody think I'm crazy? All right, so Janine says, past, present, and future. That's right. Tiffany said, girl, you can't bring him to Canada now. They just closed their border yesterday. Yep. Oh, sponsorship, somebody's doing a sponsorship. Okay. So Janine says, from San Francisco, has been working on her amazing home, awesome. Marriage, oh, you get married, Linda, that's awesome. So Pam says, found that my passion for riding motorcycles has made me extremely happy. Yeah, riding motorcycles is awesome. I love riding. It's one of my favorite things. What kind of bike do you have there, Pam? What kind of bike do you got? Yolanda says, hi, I want to know you more. He he he he he. Well, watch my videos, you'll get to know all about me. Well, Kepp says, I start by loving myself, being grateful, I feel good at giving as it gives me more gratitude. That's like a amazing Gs in that sentence. And yeah, you're really good at putting Gs in the sentence. I feel good giving as it gives me more gratitude. Wow, that's a, I mean, really, I don't know if I could put that many Gs in one sentence. I go for yoga, horse riding, make my favorite meal and other times I will put clean linen in my bed and cover myself and sleep and wake up feeling super relaxed and happy. That's awesome. Do that. Yeah, I mean, you know, whatever works for you is really what you want to do. CJ says, like he's smothering me every day when I want to take a break. Yeah, exactly. Yep. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Megan says, really enjoying the long distance make him miss you video, Matt. Well, thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed that. And if anybody is in a long distance situation right now and they need to get some help, I have a program, it's called Long Distance Allure. You can get it on my website. I didn't put the link on here, but maybe I'll put it on later, but you can check it out. It's called Long Distance Allure. Go to my website and go to my programs and you will see it as one of the first programs. Just came out with it recently. It's a great program. You can, if you're like, hey, I'm struggling with this long distance relationship thing, I give you exactly what you need to be doing in a long distance relationship to make sure that not only do things work, but that he craves you and that he misses you and that he can't wait to see you again. Molly says, are you single? The answer is no, I'm not. I'm taking, I'm in a relationship. Nobody, I'm not available to anybody. I'm not, not available. Okay, so Pam says, how do you tell your guy what you want and need without sounding needy? Well, there's a whole bunch of different ways to do that, actually. One is to have a real conversation about it. Have you ever heard of the Love Languages? I actually talk about this in my long distance relationship program. It's called Long Distance Allure again, if you're interested. And basically one of the conversations that you can have is a conversation. So one of the things that you want to do is do the Love Languages thing and find out what your Love Language is, find out what his Love Language is, all that kind of stuff. It's a great book by Love Languages. Don't remember the guy's name at the moment, but it's a great book. Next thing you want to do is you want to find out exactly what makes him feel loved, right? What makes him feel like, you know, he is feeling loved or what he appreciates, what he likes. And you can just ask him that. And usually guys might be like, oh, you know, and if he's like, oh, I'm not really sure what you can do is you can tell him, you can go first and just talk about what it is that makes you feel loved. And then you will be telling him and you'll let him know, right? But you can't rely on that. You can't rely on that. Unfortunately, you can't, right? Because guys, what happens when you tell them things that are important? They go in one ear and out the other, right? This is what happens with a lot of guys because they're, you know, I don't know why. It's just something that happens. I'm really bad with birthdays. So if you have a birthday coming up, you got to put it in my calendar if you want me to remember it. I'm sorry, sorry, it's just really difficult. I've been trying to remember my brother's birthday for years, every year I call him like two days afterwards and I'm like, hey bro, was it your birthday already? He's just like, dude, I hate you right now. You know, just like, I love you, man. Love you. So we had that strong bro love going on. But so what you want to do, the next thing that you want to do, so I was getting off track there. The next thing that you want to do is you want to start framing it. And I talk all about this in my Love Frames toolkit if you're interested in that. And basically what you do is you start talking about what it is that you like in terms of it being attractive or unattractive, right? So if there's something that you like him doing and he does it, then you want to give him a positive association, right? So we associate with different things, right? It's called neurological emotional anchoring. And what you want to do is you want to anchor in to his mind things that you think that you want him to do as attractive and making him feel more attractive because everybody wants to feel attractive. I want to feel attractive. You know, I worked really hard on my hair before I did this video here, right? See my hair, it's real, it's great, right? This is long, hard work on this hair right here. So we all want to feel attractive. And if you want him, and so what you want to do is you just want to, if he does something that you like, you say that you find it attractive, right? You think it's hot, like, oh, it was so hot when you did that, it was so attractive when you did that, it was so sexy when you did that, right? Or what you can do is you can just talk about it in terms of different things that you like, you know? Like, you know, I love it when, you know, you do this. I love it when you do that. I think it's, you know, it was just, you know, that other day when you did that one thing, like, that was so hot, like it just, I don't know, it just turned me on so much when you're doing that. So such a man thing, it was so cool, you know? And basically what you're doing is you're teaching him what it is that you want him to do. And so you just do that over and over and over again for different things. And eventually he'll start associating it, right? Because he'll be like, he'll be like, oh, she thinks that's hot, you know? She's getting turned on. Oh, I love that, right? And I want her to be more turned on more often. And so he will start getting excited, right? That hits his emotions when you tell him that. You're like, oh, that was hot. And he's like, whoa, she thinks that was hot, right? And so the next thing you know, he's thinking about it in that way. And so you just do that over and over and over again, or you can have that conversation where you talk about those things. There are other ways to do it as well. I talk about it in some of my programs, but, okay. So, you know, we're in a world right now where there's this world of like the hookup culture. And most women who come to me, they want to attract a man who loves them and sees them and absolutely cherishes them into a committed lasting relationship. But they have a big problem where guys just keep pulling away and disappearing. They, you know, get cold. They, you know, kind of pull away from them and stuff. And for a lot of women, this makes them feel confused and doubt themselves, doubt their own value, doubt their self-worth. Many of them feel like they just want to give up. If you're having a hard time with men and dating, it's really not your fault, right? Right now we live in a culture that encourages superficial relationships and discourages anything meaningful. And I believe that there's a better way for men and women to get into and stay in relationships that last. And that's why I put together a proven path that will help you get into the relationship that you want to have. And if you're in a relationship and you want to change things around, this will help you do that as well. It's called the forever woman. And, you know, it's just, it's, there's a three step plan to it, really. There's three steps to it. The first one is, sorry. The first one is believe in your own value. Maybe I should start with this one. The first one is that you believe in your own value. The second one is that you position yourself in value and the third one is that you communicate your own value. And so if you're interested in getting my program, you can get it for free. It's helped a ton of women change their situations. Many of them have used it to get married, get into great relationships, to turn their relationships around, to, you know, turn their marriages around. And so there should be a link above or below this video where you can go and check that out. If not, go to the foreverwomanformula.com and watch the video on the next page and then sign up for the program for free. And if you get it, you'll attract and a man who really loves you and cherishes you, he'll pursue you for a committed, lasting relationship. You'll do less work and feel more appreciated and valued by your man. If you, if you don't do it, you'll just continue to get whatever results you've been getting. You'll end up staying stuck in your problems and whatever your challenges are with men. And you'll feel like you're doing everything in a relationship only to be taken for granted, have a guy pull away and eventually disappear on you. And you'll wonder if you'll ever get into the relationship that you wanna get into. And I don't want that for you. I want you to feel valued. I want you to recognize the amazing woman that's inside of you, the goddess, the queen, the woman that deserves all the great things that she wants in her life. And you can have that. All you need to do is change the way that you think, position yourself in value and start communicating in a way that makes sense with men. So thank you so much for being here today. I really appreciate everyone being here. I'm so grateful that you would have me and allow me to be a part of your journey to attracting and getting into the relationship that you've always wanted to have. So thank you so much for all of your encouragement. Thank you women who are in our community. I really appreciate it. I appreciate you being a part of these live streams. I appreciate everything that you're here with me right now and being a part of this. And I will speak with you again soon. Take care.