 The Craft Foods Company presents Willard Waterman as The Great Gilded Sleeves! The Great Gilded Sleeve is brought to you partially transcribed by The Craft Foods Company. Craft makers of the one and only Miracle Whip salad dressing. We say one and only because there just isn't any other salad dressing like Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip is different and it tastes different. Miracle Whip tastes so good it's become the most popular salad dressing ever created. More Miracle Whip is sold than the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combined. Try it. Make your salads better tasting with a one and only Miracle Whip. In a town like Summerfield, an affable, gregarious individual like The Great Gilded Sleeve forms a lot of fast friendships. And in spite of his demanding job as water commissioner, he manages to spend a little time each day with his cronies. He's quite proud of the fact that he knows everybody and everybody knows him. Well, here comes Mrs. Farling. Hello Mrs. Farling. Mrs. Farling. Mrs. Farling. She didn't recognize me. I don't know her too well. I've only seen her picture in the society pageant. Oh well. I guess I'll drop in the pharmacy and have a cup of coffee with my little friend. What can I do for you this morning? I'd like a cup of your coffee, P.D. And you have one with me. Do I have to? Do I'm paying for it? I guess I'd have a cup. You can pay for this one if you want to. Yeah, P.D. you're quite a fellow. It's refreshing to get out of the office and come here for a chat. Now, you're sure you don't come here just to get out of work? No. I love my work. I love my town. And my friends. Fellows like you, P.D. Mr. Gilded Sleeve, if you were figuring on borrowing some money, you'd better see another friend now. No, no, no. I don't want to think. I'm just counting my blessings. Now take Judge Hooker standing over there across the street. He's a blessing. I want to play P. Knuckle that go bowling for an evening. Judge is my man. Now you can have him. Hey, he's going to Beckman's Pharmacy. Why is he trading with your competitor? Because I won't let the old coot in here. P.D., what are you saying? I'm saying if the judge sticks his head in my door, I'll go back to the fountain and pick out the biggest day I've got. P.D., I don't believe it. And I wouldn't advise you to be standing behind him in case he ducks. Darned old coot. P.D., the judge is a friend of yours. He's no friend of mine. Darned old coot. Now, P.D., settle down. What happened? I'm never not discussed the old coot. P.D., but you and the judge and I have been friends for years. I'm entitled to know what happened. What happened? Mr. Governor, I'll have to ask the favor of you. Oh, don't mention his name in my pharmacy. But I have to get to the bottom of this. I have to mention it. Well, kindly report to him as that old coot. P.D., don't call the judge that old coot. Yeah, well, I'll call him that old critter. Oh, my goodness. What's going on here? You in your office? I was a little surprised to see you go in Beckman's pharmacy this morning. Yeah, as far as I'm concerned, Beckman's is now the only pharmacy. What about P.D.? P.D. is a pill. Oh, judge. I might add that P.D. is a bitter pill. Horus, what's come over you and P.D.? Please, please don't mention his name. When you do, it's like waving a red flag in front of a bull. You know, Bull, you're an old goat. Now, you listen to me. Oh, Balderdash. But, judge, tell me what happened to your friendship. We never had a friendship. It was a mock, a sham, and a delusion. And P.D. proved it the other evening. What did he do? Never mind, never mind. But after I was set to, I was so enraged, I went home and struck him off on my Christmas card list. What is going on here? Right, George? I'm going to get to the bottom of this. What a day. I can't understand what came between P.D. and the judge. Oh, well, I wonder what's in the evening cake. I hope the headline isn't jurist slug's druggist. Oh, come in, Margie. Oh, hello, Auntie. I didn't know you were home. Yeah, just settling down with the newspaper. Bertie, I just want to return your pie pan and borrow a tea bag. Oh, Miss Margie, you're welcome to the tea bag, but that ain't my pie pan. Oh, yes it is, Bertie. No, ma'am. I got my pie pan the day I went over to borrow your bottle of bluing. Oh, my goodness. Well, that was your bottle of bluing anyway. No, ma'am. That was no more my bottle of bluing than this pie pan is my pie pan. You know, wait a minute. How can a man read his paper? I've heard enough arguments today. We're not arguing, Auntie. Oh, no, sir. Miss Margie's just trying to give me a pie pan. It ain't my pie pan because I got my pie pan the day I went over to borrow her bottle of bluing, which she thinks is my bluing, which ain't no more my bluing than her pie pan is my pie pan. Because the bluing's her bluing. See, Miss Kilsie? Yeah, it's as clear as bluing. Yes. Have things gone well today, Auntie? No. I spent the day trying to straighten out a big squabble. Oh? Judge Hooker and Peavey won't even speak to each other. Why? I don't know, but I'm going to find out. I have to bring them back together. Auntie, I'd like to suggest that you stay out of it. I can't. You know me. I mean, it's ridiculous for them to go on like this. It'll blow over if you just let them alone. My Bronco and I have gone a whole half day without speaking to each other. Well, you and Bronco are married. You're expected to have arguments. But Peavey and the judge are friends. Lifelong friends. And they're going to stay friends if I have to knock their heads together. Auntie, if I were you... Marjorie. Let's not meddle. All right. How long has the feud been going on? I don't know. When I was in Peavey's this morning, I happened to see the judge across the street at Beckman's Pharmacy. So I asked Peavey why the judge didn't come over. Hi. Hi, Marge. Hello, my boy. Hello, Learoy. And he said he didn't dare come over. Who didn't dare come over? You mean he didn't want him in the store? Who didn't want who in what store? Not only that. He said if he stuck his head in the door, he'd throw an egg at it. No. Who'd throw an egg at who? In fact, I was amazed, Marjorie. When I merely mentioned the judge's name, he flew up in my face. Who flew up in your face? Learoy, this doesn't concern you. It does if somebody flies up in your face. You're my uncle. Who flew up in your face? Learoy, please. Then, Marjorie, he started name calling. He did? The mayor started calling your names again? No, Learoy. Then who are you going to fight with? I'm not in a fight with anyone. Then who flew up in your face? Mr. Peavey, Learoy. Mr. Peavey? Uncle, you shouldn't fight with Mr. Peavey. I'm not fighting with Peavey. What's the matter? Are you afraid of him? No, Learoy, you don't understand. Well, I'm trying. Well, stop asking questions. Okay. Listen, I'll have to run home, Uncle. I'll hear the rest of it some other time. Miss Marjorie, don't forget your tea bag. What tea bag? Wash for dinner. And don't ask what dinner. Not too cold? Not too hot? Just right, you might say. It's nice of you to pick me up, Gilday. But I'm surprised, since you rarely care for bowling. Well, this seems to be the right night for it. Isn't this your night's avidate with Mrs. Winthrop? I decided to forego that pleasure tonight, Judd. I see. Instead of spending the evening in the parlor, you decided to spend it in the alleys. Oh, my God. Very good, Judd. Very good. Say, here's a parking spot. I think I'll pull in and pick up some cigars. You're stopping in front of TV's. Why not? You can get better cigars across the street. And a much more savory environment. Judge, why don't you come in with me? I will not. Oh, come on. Get out of the car. You'll do you good to stretch your legs. Thank you, no. Well, I have to get these two fellas together. Uh, Judge. Yeah? Isn't that your lady friend, Ms. Matterhorn, coming down the street? Where? Oh, you'll have to get out of the car to see her. At least you should say hello. Yes, I should. Yeah, the boy. Gilday, that isn't Ms. Matterhorn. That's a Western Union boy on a bicycle. Oh, well. Now that you're out of the car, let's go to PD's. Gilday, let's go. I'm not setting foot inside that man's drugstore, Steve. You're coming in if I drag you. Stop it. You're budding into other people's affairs. I'll open the door now, and you go in. Gilday. Judge, let go of the door, Jim. PD, look what I have. I've seen it before. Don't bring it in here. You better go slumming. You're going in. Gilday, stop pushing. Mr. Gilday, do you mean if I were you and I'd stay out of this? Yes. Stop giving me advice, you two, and make up. I told you what I do, the cooker stuck his head inside my door. Gilday, he's picking up an egg. Oh, but you're old friend won't throw it. No, I wouldn't say that. Go on in, Judge. Gilday, he's taking aim. You'll go on in. Prove he's afraid to throw that egg. What a sneaky way to treat a peacemaker. The slave will be back in just a minute. A pretty new bride, named Lily, was cooking a meal for her willy. Things got burned, just a shade, but the salad she made with miracle whip was a dilly. Well, that may not be great poetry, but it's a great idea making a salad with miracle whip, because even if you're not the world's most experienced cook, you can still be sure the salad will taste wonderful. When it's time to add the salad dressing, you just spoon smooth, creamy, thick miracle whip right out of the jar, and you're all set. All set because you've added the salad dressing that's delicious with a lively, teasing flavor, a flavor millions of folks call just exactly right. Why, so many people like miracle whip so much that it's become the most popular salad dressing ever created and actually outsells the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combined. Miracle whip has a distinctive flavor, one you won't find in any other salad dressing. That's because miracle whip is made from a secret craft recipe, a recipe that was created to give you the best qualities of old fashioned boiled dressing and fine mayonnaise. Get a jar of the one and only miracle whip salad dressing from your grocer tomorrow for colorful fruit salads, for crispy fresh vegetable combinations, for shimmering gelatin molds, and for meat and seafood salads too. There's nothing like smooth, delicious miracle whip. The great Gilda Sleeve is having a little trouble getting his old friends Mr. Peavey and Judge Hooker to patch up their quarrel. He doesn't even know what the row is about, but when he assumed the role of a plump dove with an olive branch, he got hit with an egg. Well, you must admit, Anki, that you asked for it. Well, now I'm going to get tough with Peavey and the judge. They're going to declare a truce or I'll know the reason why. You mean you haven't given up? Marjorie, two fellow jolly boys are at loggerheads. They need somebody to intercede. Wouldn't you feel that way about old friends, Birdie? Yes, sir. Of course, it's hard to intercede without getting in the middle. Yeah, I know. And if you go and get in the middle, you've got to be nimble told to keep them getting stepped on. Of course, I've seen interceding done by an expert. Yes, sir. The toughest kind of interceding is between a husband and his wife, and I've seen it done by an expert. Well, I'm open to suggestions. Wide open. Marjorie, proceed, Birdie. Mr. Gale, see, it won't work in this case because Mr. Peavey and the judge ain't man and wife. Well, just tell me what happened, Birdie. What did this expert do? Well, she went to the wife and agreed with her that her husband was a no-good bone. Uh-oh. Birdie, that wasn't very diplomatic. But it got results. In no time at all, the wife was going to bat for her husband. Yeah. The same thing worked when the expert went to the husband and started running down his wife. He wasn't letting nobody run down his wife. Say, I might try something like that. I wouldn't do it, Anki. No, sir. Mr. Gale, please, you know what they did to that expert. Who, what, Birdie? The wife chased the home with an umbrella and the husband threatened to sue her for defamation of cacti, slander, libel, and button-in. Oh, Birdie, you know they wouldn't do that. I know they would. I was the expert. I'll walk into Peavey and start running down the judge. And I know I'll only get so far when Peavey will start defending his old friend. Basically, I know they're very fond of each other. He'll probably get sore at me, but I can take it. There's one thing I'll say for myself. I'm thick-skinned. Hello, Peavey. I don't know, Mr. Younger-Sleeve. I wasn't so sure you would be back after the egg incident. Yo, that. Forget it, Peavey. You understand? I wasn't aiming at you. Yo, I know that. And I meant to hit the judge. Peavey, let's not refer to him as the judge. Let's call him what he is. An old coot. Okay. I'm just agreeing with you, Peavey. In fact, I'll go you one better and call him a nosy old coot. Well, I'll agree with you there. Peavey, have you ever thought how pleasant our Jolly Boys meetings would be if we kicked out the judge? You know what I mean, the old coot? Yes, I've given that some thought. It's a very pleasant thought. He's the worst singer in the group. He's the worst singer in town. You're right. You're right. I can't stand him when he rears back and gets red in the face and wails down by the old mill street. Sounds like a stuck automobile horn. Peavey, I know in the past, you and the judge have been very close. I'm saying he's close. Nickel-nurse. Well, that's not quite what I mean. You were once close friends. In fact, so close that you might present the foul play I'm about to suggest. What did you have in mind? Peavey, at the next meeting of the Jolly Boys Club, I'm going to blackball the judge. Good. We're both blackballing. What? What else can we do to him? Well, once we've drummed him out of the club, we'll figure out a way to take his law license away from him. Thanks to us, his ex-friends, he won't even be able to make a living. What do you say to that, Peavey? I say, let the old goad eat tin cans. Oh, my goodness. Well, if he wants to remain adamant, I'll just have to try to work it on the judge. He's sentimental. When the chips are down, he'll rally the Peavey's defense. Judge? A judge? I think. Yeah, the judge is on the phone. Goodbye. Yeah, he's edgy. Being on the outs of his old friends, getting on his nerves. What is it, Gilda? Judge, I just came over to congratulate you. For what? For turning your back on that Peavey. Oh? You're so right, Judge. He's a pill. Is that what you came over to tell me? Well, I have a lot of other snide things to say about him. I know how you've always felt about keeping the Jolly Boys together. But it just occurred to me that we ought to blackball Peavey. Blackball him? You bet, the old scallywag. Judge, I know you too fair-minded to let this happen. But I'm trying to figure out a way to close Peavey's drugstore and run him out of town. Gilda, you have a nerve coming to me with any such proposition. No, I've got him on the hook. You don't go for the idea, huh? I'm amazed that you can be so callous. That's me. Go ahead, Judge. Get mad at me. Defend Peavey. For your information, I just talked to Peavey. Great! Then you two will patch things up. I should say not. You haven't? He was on the phone when you came in. Recycling with great relish, the odious things that you said about me. Zeke, the fine friend Peavey turned out to be. Went to Mr. Peavey and ran down the judge. Then I went to the judge and blasted Peavey. Yes, sir. But it didn't work. Nothing. Now I'm going to try once more to get them together, Bertie, and I need your help. I want to invite them both to dinner. Both at once? Well, I won't tell one. I've been invited the other. You mean one won't know the others come until they get here? That's the idea, Bertie. Mr. Gersley, if you want me to set the table with the good place or the camping equipment. No, Bertie, there isn't going to be any trouble. Okay, we'll risk the good, China. But as a precaution, we'll invite Marjorie for dinner. Peavey and the judge are too gentlemanly to start anything in the presence of a lady. Yes, sir. Yeah, I'll make the arrangements right away. You prepare some of their favorite dishes and we'll have them tonight. Any questions? Just one. Instead of Thursday, can I have tonight all? After what you did, Uncle, I'm surprised the judge and Mr. Peavey accepted your invitation. Yeah. Well, we worked out fine. The judge wasn't doing anything, and Mrs. Peavey's out of town. Furthermore, it shows they're both very fine with me. And the Bertie's cooking. Yeah, I suppose that has something to do with it. Oh, boy, I can't wait till I get here. Oh, if you want to be a fight promoter. Oh, Leroy. I did it! I'll go, Bertie. Mr. Gersley, won't you come in? Oh, that's why I'm here. Marjorie and Leroy are in the pilot. Good evening, Mr. Peavey. Yeah, hello, Marjorie. Hi, Mr. Peavey. Leroy, I didn't expect it to be you here tonight. My dream looks like we're going to have a big evening. I'll say. What should you admit? Acting another guest? Yeah. How do you get comfortable? Well, I came guilty. I'm glad you did. Come inside. Why so quiet? Bertie, have a cake in the oven? I'm preparing you favorite dishes, judge. Hey, who's in the parlor? Who's in the parlor? Well, it's a little surprise. Peavey. Yeah. Well, Gilly, give me my hat. I will not. Well, then give me mine. Now, Peavey. I've been tricked. I refuse to stay in the same room with this, this. Judge, please, there's a young lady present. What? Well, good evening, Judge. Good evening, Marjorie. Leroy. Hi, we've been waiting for you. Dinner will be ready soon. Let's everybody sit down until Bertie calls us. Under the circumstances, I guess there's nothing else to do. Excuse me. I'll go help Bertie. Yeah, I'm trying to go to the kitchen, too. Peavey, you stay here. Yeah, don't let the judge chase you out, Mr. Peavey. He can't chase me anywhere. Leroy. Don't pay any attention to Leroy's jokes, Peavey. Now then, it's quite obvious that I've been trying to get you two together. You're wasting your time. Well, if I waste some time, why don't I go get the boxing gloves? Young man, you may go help in the kitchen. OK. I'm sorry, Gildy, and I don't want to seem rude to you, but I just remembered that I have to prepare a brief for court tomorrow morning. Mr. Gilder, please. I'd like to sneak out of this, too. Now, just a minute. There's all fellows. Fellows who are being downright impolite. We've gone to a lot of trouble here tonight. Why, Bertie has even prepared an outside cut of roast beef for you, Peavey. Isn't that nice? Peavey, I'm talking to you. All right, go ahead and pout. Judge, I've had Bertie prepare your favorite dish, too. Chicken fricassee. Well, don't you have anything to say? Thank you. Peavey? All right, thank you. What hard-headed old roosters. Look, fellows, why be at sword's point? The world is too full of bickering and misunderstandings. The least we can do as individuals is set a good example. Come on, let's smile. Let's be happy. Do you remember the song we jolly boys used to sing? There are smiles that make us happy. There are smiles that make us blue. Come on, fellows, join in. It's fine. There are smiles that steal the way the tear drops as the sun beams steal away the dew. Peavey, you're smiling. Look, Judge, he's even laughing. Seriously, it's pretty hard to keep him laughing when you start singing. All right, all right, go ahead and laugh. Gail, they always did have the worst singing voice in the group. All right, everybody's a good humor again. The dinner's ready, auntie. Great. Marjorie and Peavey and the judge have made up. Oh, I thought they looked happier. You bet. Fellows, shake hands. Forgive and forget. Well, well, I'll be first. No, I want to be the first. Shake, be this. No, I'm kidding. Oh, that's the spirit. Marjorie, nobody could have done this but me. That I know Peavey and the judge have fond of me. That I know how they respect me. I tell you, I'm pretty proud of myself. Yes, auntie. Birdie's putting things on the table. Well, dinner can wait a minute. Now, fellows, let's clear the air once and for all. Peavey, Judge, what were you two arguing about in the first place? Auntie, don't you think you better leave well enough alone? I'll argue to do them good to get it off their chest. Come on, fellows, what were you two at odds about? Gail there, let bygones be bygones. Yeah, I think we better forget it. No, no, no, no, I insist. You'll do you good to save. Well... Come on now, come on, out with it. Well, Gildy, I argue that you shouldn't be such a big blow-hard. What? And I argued you have to be a big blow-hard to get by because you didn't have much on the ball. We'll be with us again in just 30 seconds. Now that the youngsters are back in school, chances are you're making lunchbox sandwiches again, mother, and to make that job easier, make a list of different sandwiches and keep it handy in the kitchen so you won't have to wonder what kind to make at the last minute. But make sure those sandwiches are delicious. Make them with Miracle Whip salad dressing. Miracle Whip has a lively teasing flavor, a wonderful peppy flavor most everyone likes. Get a jar tomorrow for good-eating sandwiches and salads. Get Miracle Whip. Now, Leroy, you know as well as I do that the judge and Petey were just pulling my leg. No kidding? Why, of course. We've been friends for years and years. They regarded me as the salt of the earth. Yeah? Neither would think of doing anything to disturb our fine friendship. You know, I, a little joke, is the greatest proof of mutual admiration. When somebody plays a little trick on you, it's just like having them say, you are my closest friend. We can have little jokes between us because we understand each other. Yes, a little prank now and then just makes a friendship stronger. Not really true, huh? You bet. Why, to show his true feelings, the old judge gave me the spine cigar here. Yes, sir, it's great to be well-liked, popular, trusted, admired. Transcribed. Included in the cast are Walter Tetley, Mary Lee Robb, Lillian Dickler Graham. Musical compositions by Jack Meakin. This is John Easton saying, good night for the Kraft Foods Company, makers of the famous line of Kraft quality food products. Be sure to listen in next Wednesday, at every Wednesday, for the further adventures of The Great Gilder Sleeves. Delicious cold cuts for lunch and their supper make a welcome change of pace from the hot meals you've been serving. Easy to fix, too. But here's the tip. Be sure there's delicious Kraft prepared mustard on the table. Because when you add a little mustard, you add a lot of tang. There are two kinds of Kraft mustard, mild Kraft mustard, so smooth and delicately spiced, and Kraft mustard with snappy horseradish added to give it extra zip. Keep both kinds on hand for different tastes. Next time, get Kraft prepared mustard. All right, play You Bet Your Life on NBC.