 Question is from A-Rod goes ham. What has fatherhood taught you? Just had my first son, what advice would you give to a first-time parent? Adam, you're the newest dad. That's a loaded question. Yeah, I mean, since you're the newest dad, I always love asking you questions like this because it's like, I forgot what I was like. It's so new, it's so trash. Yeah, no, there's, God, there's been a, there's a lot, right? I definitely have an unbelievable amount of patience empathy and love that I'm not used to. I think that those have been some of the biggest differences that I've noticed in fatherhood. I might, the way I view a lot of things, I've never been so unselfish in my life, like just the way I'm with money. I mean, Sal actually said something and he called it, it's weird too. It's really funny. And normally when Sal says something to him, I make a point to try and counter that and make sure he's wrong. It is, I try really hard sometimes. And I was like, I do not like politics. I find myself following politics weird way more. The world becomes bigger. Yeah, yeah, it's no, it's cut into my sports time. I'm very nervous about it. Because now you care what's gonna happen. I do, right? So there's things like that that I didn't think that would happen and that's happened, what else? You know, there's someone asked me on my questions, what am I most scared about? And I think the thing that I'm most nervous about as a father is I know that it's inevitable that I'm going to come up short somewhere and not knowing where that somewhere is, is what scares me. Like every, if you talk to any experienced father, they'll always tell you to do the best you can. It'll never be perfect. There'll always be something that he's mad at you about or resent you for or that he didn't, he doesn't, they think that he would have done differently. And so I know that's inevitable, no matter how great of a father I'm trying to be or think I am. And so the fear is, what is that going to be? Well, the devil edge to that too. And I was talking with my dad actually about this because it was like, for me, I felt like he had a great job raising me, but there was this moment where also he felt that he underestimated me and he like, we had a conversation about this, but I'm like, that's what drove me. You know, that actually like is something that was a good thing for me. I'm glad that, you know, it was out there to where I had to work, you know, that much harder to kind of prove myself. I have this like sort of chip, but it's like, he didn't intentionally do that. It was just like, I assumed it was gonna be, it was gonna go in this direction. And then you totally threw me off by, you know, like taking all of your initiatives elsewhere. So you just don't know. I mean, I think a lot of it for me, the fear is the unknown. It's just, I don't know exactly like you think you can predict things, and then it just completely goes in a different direction. And you're like, okay, I have to be adaptable. I have to be flexible. I have to, you know, help where I can. I also have, and this is gonna, this is probably gonna piss off a lot of people, especially any of our feminists that listen to the show. You're just pissed them off. Well, I mean, I've always been very pro. Like, I mean, I'm attracted to a woman that is incredibly independent. She said to me like the first time we ever really started a date was I don't need you. I want you. She's self-made. She was raised to never need or depend on a man. And I'm attracted to that. So I'm very much so, you know, I don't say I'm a pro-feminist person, but I would think that the messaging, I think around that for the most part, I've been pro for a very long time. And I think that it has been needed for a century now to the pendulum. It was swung so far one direction that it had needed to come back the other. But now I have this new look on a lot of the messaging around that that actually really bothers me, that I'd never bothered me before until becoming a father. And that's because I recognize now the magnitude and the importance of being a good parent and the role that women have played in our society for so long. It gets me emotional just thinking about how important the mom plays a role in the child and that we are encouraging and almost pushing women out into the workforce so hard, almost as if it's an inequality thing. And I don't think that at all. Now I have this humbling attitude of holy shit. I think on this big boss man, I make all this money, I make sure that we can eat and I put this roof over our head. Fuck, none of that matters if it wasn't for her and what she's able to do for my son and take care of our household. Like the importance of that and the value of that, I think we just, I think we just have not, I don't think a lot of people- Put it aside. I don't think you think about it until you get put in that position. And so sometimes I think that we have this younger generation that's coming up and they're pushing that message so hard to empower a woman and hear me roar. Like I said, for the most part, I've been very pro all of that. But now I'm starting to rethink my stance with that and what it's doing because then it's teaching a lot of women that you shouldn't be just as proud about being home. Now more than anything else, I look at Katrina and this was very hard for our relationship because I wanted her to stay home but I knew I couldn't say that. I knew I couldn't tell her like, don't continue to pursue your dreams and your career. So absolutely would I never do that. But deep down inside, I was like, man, I hope she wants to do that. And luckily for me, she's in a position where she can do that now and she still works and but she's now able to stay home all day with our son. And I just, there's so many things that happen, interactions that happen with your son with other people potentially in the day that I think, man, there's no other person in the world that I would rather be teaching this young infant right now than me or her on his morals, his thoughts, his engagement. And we're pushing that agenda so hard about women in the workforce and equality and all those things that I think are important but almost to a fault now. And that's, and it never bothered me before. And sometimes now I see some of the messaging that's out there related to that. And that's something that's taught me that I've been taught in this whole fatherhood and being in this position and realizing how fucking important it is parenting is and how hard it is and how much work it takes to raise a good child. It's 24 seven nonstop all the time. And if we're pushing the men to go out and work hard, the women to go out and work hard and everything like that, we're forgetting about the generation that's in up and coming and the roles and how that's going to form and shape them. Like ages, three to seven years old are the most formidable times of a human's life and you are laying the foundation for that is. And if you're so concerned about being an equal person financially as your partner that you're putting that as a second to me, that's a wrong fucking message, man. I just think that when you push one message hard simultaneously, maybe on accident will demonize the other side. So I think it's gonna start to balance out. So I can see what you're saying. What you're talking about. Do you get what I mean though? Oh yeah, I do. I totally do. I never looked at it. Actually a lot of women say that. A lot of women, you have camps where I'm at home, I stay at home, I work and then they'll demonize each other. You should be at home with the kid. No, you should be. Oh Courtney experienced that when she left her job. It was hard for her because of coming back and them all sort of like, not intentionally but giving snide comments about like, just her not working anymore. Oh, like she doesn't have a purpose anymore. And I'm just like, that's so gross. Like, I don't know, that really got to me too. So I guess the greatest purpose ever now. Yeah, and I could totally see it from your angle that you're talking about. I know it's hard to talk about that because of we're at society, but it is. It's a very, very important role and I'm so happy that she's there to do that. You know me, I don't give a fuck about what everybody thinks. I know for sure I pissed off half of our listeners by making a statement like that. But I mean, it's the truth. Because we're still for all that too, if that's your purpose. I've never looked at it like that until now. Until now, I mean, until now I was always pushing Katrina. I mean, her and I used to almost be competitive financially to help push each other to grow and you chase your career. I'm chasing my career, we're this power couple, all about that. Then all of a sudden this kid comes in this world and shakes everything up. And it not only shakes up our day, our schedule, but just the way I think. And I know how important those early stages are and those interactions and the things that they piece together. And goddamn, I can't think of a single thing in the world that is more important to me right now than laying a good foundation like that. And man, if all we cared about was pushing each other in financial equality, then where do I leave him? Just throw him in a daycare and he'll figure it out. Don't worry, we're gonna make plenty of money. You know, I mean, unfortunately sometimes that's necessary, right? Unfortunately sometimes both parents have to work or it's a single parent, let's be honest. The vast majority of single parents out there are women. In fact, I had this conversation. I had this conversation with my son when we were going to school. We were driving and I was talking about the values of men. What are the values that men provide? Like what are the things that we need to do? And I told him, I said, one of the most important values that a man can have is discipline. Now this is not because women can't provide discipline and men are only discipline. It's not that at all. The reason why it's the most important value is because men, more than women, get pulled to not be disciplined. So I'll explain. So there's a term called Peter Pan syndrome. This typically doesn't apply as much to women. If you have a couple that gets divorced, the odds that it's the man that all of a sudden becomes non-existent in his child's life or is not no longer super there are far higher than for the woman. It's more, you see men get pulled more to being the 40-something year old dude that's making tons of money, never got married, never had kids, banging all the hot chicks, hanging out. It's the, I don't have a biological clock, so I could always have kids whenever I want and at some point I'll have a lot of money and I'll marry some younger girl and we can, so I'm just gonna be this dude that has no responsibility in parties all the time. So a man for a man, discipline is extremely, extremely important for a man as he ages. This is exactly what I told my son. As a man ages, becomes more financially successful, he becomes more attractive to more women. That poses a big challenge. It's the, and think about it this way, in society, who are the men that are truly respected? I mean, really respected. Sure, we look at the Hugh Hefner's and the Dan Bilzerian's and that looks cool. They got lots of followers, but in real life, the men that are respected are the ones that can have access to all that stuff. Yeah, but don't. Decide to be with one woman, decide to have children, decide to go to work, to come home at night to be with their family. So it's all about, it's all about discipline and here's the thing about fatherhood and this is the biggest lesson that you learn right out the gates and you just keep learning it, is this. It's hard, it's not nearly as exciting and fun, but it's way more meaningful, way more meaningful. Why is it hard? It's selfless, you gotta, here's the thing, here's the big thing. If you want your kid to grow up to be a particular way, okay, you could coach them, you could talk to them, you could teach them, that has some value, but the truth is, at the end of the day, you gotta live it. You have to be the man you want your son to be or you have to be the person you want your kids to grow up to be. So if you want them to be, so if you want them to be responsible, honest, humble, here's a big one, I'll give you guys like a personal story, I was like a couple of weeks ago, my kids, they didn't do their chores or whatever, and I got irritated and I actually got angry and raised my voice and blah, blah, blah, blah, type of thing. Now I had every right to be annoyed, it was the 10th time I had told them to do something, so I was definitely valid, but I got angry, I yelled, I let them see that I didn't control myself and just overacted, right? So after all was said and done, I went over to my kids and this was later on when I calmed down, I went over to my kids, set them down, and I said, hey, look, I said, I wanna apologize to you guys. I said, I'm really sorry, I lost my temper. I said, the reason I got mad is valid, you guys should definitely listen to what I'm saying and be responsible, but the way I acted was super inappropriate and I really apologize. Now did I do that, now some men have trouble doing that because they don't wanna show weakness, they don't wanna show their kids, nah, I don't apologize, I'm your dad, you do what I say. I did that because I wanted to show my kids that even their all-powerful father can humble himself and admit when he was wrong. What is that gonna teach my kids? That's gonna teach them to do the same thing. It's a very important lesson, so it's like, it makes you the best person you could possibly be, I'll tell you that right now because there's nothing you will, and I, you know what, you're a dad now, Adam, so you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's hard to explain to somebody who's never had kids the amount of love that you have for your child, what you would do for them. There's nothing in the world that you wouldn't do when you really love your kids. So you wanna talk about growing as a person, I think to myself, okay, instead of thinking, how can I teach them better? How can I tell them what to do and what kind of structure can I show them? That's all important, I do that too, but oftentimes I'll sit down and be like, am I the man that I would want my kids to be? You know what that does to you? That makes you act a particular way, even when they're not around. When you're out with your buddies, when you're hanging out, when you wanna be lazy, you know, when I come, I did this the other week when I was trying to get my kids off electronics. You know what I had to do? Get off myself, you know? I could tell them not to do it and then sit on my phone and watch TV, but instead I said, I gotta be the man that I want them to grow up to be. So I got off and it was way, way, way more powerful. Here's the other thing, is that being a father teaches you how to be brave, okay? Not fearless, it's the opposite of that. It's how to be brave. You will never be vulnerable like you are when you're a dad. I didn't realize how invincible I was until I became a father. I thought I was vulnerable before, but now you got this baby that you're taking care of and this kid. All of a sudden, you got fear. What's gonna happen at school? Who are they gonna talk to? They're gonna do drugs? Are they gonna make the right decisions? What about this? What if they get sick? What if they get hurt? You know, when you don't have- What's that creepy van over there? When you don't have kids, you know, you don't got no fear, man. What are you afraid of? You're by yourself, whatever. Maybe you got a girlfriend. Ain't shitting or whatever. All of a sudden you have kids, you're scared as fuck from day one till the day that you probably die. You're always gonna worry and have fear and fear presents the opportunity to be brave. So now I gotta move through this world a vulnerable, vulnerable person. I give the example of Superman before. This was a great conversation I had with my kid years ago when he, you know, he was in, I think it was a tournament and after the tournament I asked him how it was and he did well and all that and he said, oh, I wish I was brave like you. And I said, well, what do you mean? He goes, well, you're not afraid of anything. And I said, do you think Superman is brave for running into a burning building? The fire can't do anything to him. The person who's brave is the fireman that walks in, that if he makes the wrong move, he dies. I said, the bravery comes from being afraid and you will never be more afraid and fearful than when you become a father. That's the biggest lesson that I learned from it. And boy, does that, that one keep getting taught to me all the time. Well, you said something that I think is really important for the person who's asking this question about becoming a new father that I think about all the time now that I never thought about and you touched on it and it's valuable enough to reiterate it. And that's, you know, when they're this young right now and they can't speak and tell you how they feel or what they notice or what they don't like, the only thing they can do is watch and emulate what you do. And so how you act, how you speak, the way you speak to your partner in front of them. Oh, that's a big one. Yes, the way- That is a big one. The way that a boy especially learns to treat women is the way that you treat his mom. 100, and it starts now. Yes. I think this is the mistake that a lot of people make is they think that, oh, he's, you know, he's, you can't talk, he's unaware right now or you don't have any memories of when you were one years old or eight months old. So you just assumed that you didn't, that stuff's getting hardwired in their brain. The way you socialize and interact with other people, especially the people that you're with on a daily basis, like your spouse, the habits that you have, whether you're staring at, someone asked me that today, if I was tired of watching all the kid's cartoon stuff. And I said, honestly, I really haven't introduced that. He hasn't watched anything like that yet on TV. He's watched a little bit of sports when I'm watching it. So he gets to watch it. And do not think that I don't think about this either. Like, if basketball's on, like I allow basketball to be on being there because I've won, I so badly won. You wanna bond with them over there? Oh yes. We go down, we walk and go down the park and we play and Katrina and I will shoot hoops while he's in there and we're playing and interacting with him. Like, I mean, that's my way of hoping that this kid's gonna go down that path is cause he'll see positive, he'll connect positive things to that. He'll see me loving his mother and having fun and us playing and enjoying it. And that's the same thing with working out. Yesterday we were inside the gym. I think I did a little story. If you saw Katrina, the lights were all off and she's like pushing the stroller and shoulder pressing at the same time. And, you know, we couldn't get him to go to sleep while we were in here working out and so she did what she had to do to try and get her workout in and still keep him happy at the same time. But like, we think about that a lot. I mean, we think about the, if we have somebody at our house, you know, maybe we had like five, 10 family members come over for whatever it is. And if one of the family members is talking drama and is talking shittiness on that, you'll say, Katrina does this all the time. She's really good about it. It's caught me to do it even now too where she'll just kind of pick Max up and go outside the room. I'm gonna make a big deal. I'm gonna make it. They feel the energy, man. Fuck yeah, man. And we think about these things. Like, I think about those things that I never thought about before because I know that right now, this kid is just a sponge and absorbing everything. And yes, I know it'll never be 100% perfect. Yes, I know I'll probably stub my toe and swear and shit like that. I know that. But if I'm already at least being active and conscious about the conversations that I'm having in front of him, my attitude, the energy that I'm putting off in front of him, if I'm at least trying that right now, at least I'm a little bit better than the person who's not given a shit and not paying attention to that. And I think as a father, as a parent in general, that's extremely important to pay attention to. Right, but really, the big one too is especially for those of you who are divorced or you're not with the mother of your child, how you treat your child's mom is one of the main ways that they learn how to treat women. So if you want your kid, you want your son to grow up to be a good man and to treat women the right way, you better demonstrate that the right way because that's how they learn. They learn from watching you. So show respect, be a good person. At the end of the day, that's the best possible thing you could do.