 Yeah Okay, let's pray. Yeah, father. We we thank you for this day. We thank you for this for the words that we read just now Lord, we thank you that For the assurance Lord that you are the one who builds you are the one who protects and we thank you that You're the one who builds our life. You're the one who builds our family Lord, you're the one who protects the household. You're the one who's a protector and Father God, we we just open our hearts to invite you and to To To do the work of building Which is give you permission, which is I love you God Let's do that and have your own way and I pray that in whatever areas Lord that our families need building Or in whatever areas that a household or God requires about your touch Master, we pray that you would step in Lord and Have your way Father God we pray that Lord that there will be protection that there will be building up pray that there will be Lord your touch Your hand Father God in all those areas Lord which need Lord the ministry the work the transformation of the Holy Spirit Yes, Father God where there is hurt Lord that they be healing where there is a Lord need for Forgiveness Father God we pray for grace and strength to extend forgiveness and to receive forgiveness Lord Master where there is a need for wisdom Lord for the way ahead Lord we pray for Lord your leading your guidance and where there is a need for totally transformation breaking down of strongholds and and Lord breaking down of chains that are holding people Lord captive father We pray that you would step in and Let there be freedom Let there be freedom and Lord we pray God let your kingdom come and you will be done Can we can we all just pray that you know for our own lives? for our families About our households just say Lord let your kingdom come that you will be done He is inviting the rule and reign of the king and the rule and reign of the king is righteousness peace and joy in the Holy Spirit it is justice and It brings in the word the work of the Holy Spirit Results in love and joy and peace gentleness and patience and kindness and goodness and so let's Just pray Father God come have your way Lord have your way We thank you. We thank you. We bless your name We give you all the praise and all the glory in Jesus matchless name we pray Amen, amen Okay Just give me a minute, please if we've almost come to the you know the end of Sessions here and we're going to be looking at today We're going to be looking at another important aspect to just chapter 13 chapter 12. I just Recommend that you go through with chapter 13 It's quite important especially for those who are married and also for those who Who are preparing, you know for for marriage? It would it would really make sense. Let me just take the power point out. Just give me a minute So we are talking about boundaries here Talking about It's a rather important aspect because A boundary if you can you know if you can think of it as a wall as a fence Well, it keeps something out and it keeps something in Just think of You know the old days in biblical times We see that a wall was very important because Something a city without a wall and even Proverbs it says that a person who is quick tempered is Is like a city without walls in the sense that he's he's going to come down, right? He's making his life or her life vulnerable so So the Bible says that a person without Without Without I mean with a who's quick bird is like a is like a city without walls One who does not have fence and so on so The fence of a wall is very important. It's it's actually a protection. Yes it restricts There is a sense of You know what you can do what you can't do there is a sense of I Can't go beyond this point right but it's there for a purpose and It is for one's good So, let me just share the point and we Just a minute So, so we're looking at boundaries So it is an older series of the date you mentioned you see is 2015. Yeah Okay, so So for married people, you know, let's say a couple married couple they are married and Let's say it's a very ideal situation and you know, they are totally newly married They are totally in love with each other. They respect honor You know each other they're doing everything everything by the by the word of God and Everything's going fine, right? now we know that like we saw in the earlier chapter that there are challenges there are Difficulties that would come one's way and totally unexpected so a good marriage does not insulate or You know keep a person keep a couple, you know Outside of all these kind of challenges So one of the things that a marriage does not insulate a person is The human fleshly desire or a person's Undeniable thinking or you know, it does not prevent them From being attracted to the opposite gender, right? It could be a sexual attraction It could be an emotional attraction It is not a good marriage doesn't insulate. So, you know, they would they could there could be a thought they could be an attraction and It has to be dealt with right then and there. Okay, so a married person can still Be attracted to see another attractive Person whom they are not married to so it is it is quite possible it could be You know, it could be something that is Emotional in the sense where we that person is caring that person is very loving this person is very friendly and And and naturally, you know, you've drawn to that person or maybe that person is very attractive physically And just because you're married doesn't mean that you may not be attracted But the fact is that we need to guard our hearts and minds We need to guard our hearts and minds, you know, the the thoughts could come There could be even You know a suggestion or a temptation by the enemy So these thoughts could come but we need to guard ourselves. We need to protect ourselves We need to guard our minds or emotions or affections and and especially For those of us who are involved in Christian ministry, right? Because we Would be interacting with people You know many kinds of people and so we need to be aware we need to be You know, alive to the fact that yes, this could happen and we need to be true to ourselves right and these kind of thoughts when these kind of suggestions come and You you catch yourself thinking on those lines. You catch yourself Meditating on things that you are not supposed to be that we're not supposed to be, you know giving time and and also mind space right when you catch yourself doing that then Then don't override that in the sense, you know, don't say okay, it's fine. It's fine to think on these lines Don't say that it's okay right, so this is this is how a Breakdown happens a breakdown in relationship a breakdown in intimacy In a marriage This is how it started starts in a very simple manner. It starts with a thought it starts with Just like we see how meditation. I mean sorry temptation unfolds and James have the one we see that step it starts with the thought it starts stirs up our desire and And the thing and the thing is it's natural It's natural to Appreciate beauty. It's natural to be you know drawn to someone's intellect. Maybe It's natural to be you know to to be to appreciate one's kindness and compassion. Maybe Or you know and whatever it is, right? It's you notice it and it's you cannot not notice right, but the fact is that When we notice and when we realize that we are being drawn into that we are spending a lot of time thinking Like we have drawn into it. We are lured into it. Then we need to be careful. Okay, so an Affair on extra my right to when we say it's outside of marriage Unfaithfulness so it starts in this manner and so we need to We need to have our have our guard up we need to be sensitive to The Holy Spirit's warning the red flags with the Holy Spirit, you know puts up and We need to work on those lines. We need to be obedient. Okay, so So how does it starts? It starts with the thought it starts with the thought because let's say, you know a typical work situation maybe or a ministry situation where You know, you're you know talking to a colleague and you notice something That is good about that colleague, you know, that is that is worth complimenting, right? It's now these are good things I maybe that person is very You know You appreciate that person's intellect. You appreciate that person's humor Or maybe you notice that the person is you know good-looking Maybe their skills and abilities you you notice that and you appreciate that which is fine, right? but then what happens is if you are married and You begin to compare you begin sorry to compare your that person with your spouse Like you begin to compare that person with your spouse and say Yeah, my spouse is not like this, but this person is actually, you know better in these areas You know my spouse actually speaks very harsh words and well, you know This person is so kind and compassionate my spouse is is not so good-looking and you know doesn't take any effort to You know to look good, but then this person is So good-looking and then the kind of effort just comes across And you know my spouse does not spend time talking or does not take an interest As much interest as this person takes in in my work Okay, or in my hobby or the things that I'm interested in all these thoughts. Okay, so it it starts with Starts with the genuine appreciation, but then we need to be careful that it doesn't go into comparison All right, so we begin to compare and then we What happens? Okay, let me just change Yeah, so so this is the You know, this is the degradation or the downward spiral So it's a it's a so we can to notice certain things and then we appreciate it and it's a casual friendship Fine, everything's good then because you're comparing and because Maybe, you know one if one is dissatisfied in their own marriage then then you begin to get Emotionally attached you begin to long for those conversations. You begin to long wait for those moments to see that person to maybe to wish that person or Just to you know casually chat. So it's there's a you know, you know There's an affection and then there is an emotional Entanglement so you're just spending more and more time thinking about this person and makes you feel good And spending more and more time Maybe with that person right and you maybe you're You know making plans to be with that person and all this happens now. We're talking about married couples. Yeah right, so and there is increasing communication Communication in this ends well You're talking and maybe there's a phone call Maybe there is there are texts that are happening and all this is happening and When you say emotional entanglement, we are you know, we are opening up our lives and our Emotions and maybe sharing things About ourselves about our lives to that person Which is probably it is should be reserved for a spouse Right for our spouse So we're talking about some innermost things and and maybe even things that we don't share with our spouse You're sharing with this this person right who's we are not married to and Therefore it becomes an emotional attachment and emotional entanglement So what would happen soon after that is that? You know Would it would it would lead to physical affection Okay Meaning there's a physical contact physical touch and maybe you know, maybe a You just waiting to shake hands with that person You know shaking hands is as a wishing, you know as a form of wishing is It's very harmless but in your mind you just waiting to shake hands and Maybe put your arm around the shoulder of that person whatever, you know, so so there's a lot of you know, this is going on and And and also Maybe, you know in all this communication that's happening and there's a lot of secrecy right well Would the question to ask is, you know all your texts and chats with this person. How? You know, how would you feel if your spouse went through that? Okay, maybe if it's a chat, maybe it's you know an email exchange how would your spouse feel if If he or she went through that or The other thing is, you know, would you feel confident just handing over your phone or your you know email? Just with your spouse saying, okay, it's fine. Just go with Just go through it Would you feel confident doing that or is there something that you need to hide? Is there something that you need to delete before handing over the phone? Like these are indicators that oh, yeah, there is an emotional attachment and there is a sense of secrecy, which you know There's something that is building like a wall, you know that is taking away that transparency In marriage that trust and transparency in marriage, right? So so it becomes emotional attachments. It would soon lead to physical affection or physical attachment and Resulting in sexual involvement. So there's a yeah, it doesn't just start with the sexual involvement just starts with a casual friendship. Okay, so Well, why do these things happen? There could be you know some marriages and people in a marriage could be let's say particularly vulnerable for this. Why? Because maybe there's a lot of a lot of turmoil in the marriage Okay Well This whole process of becoming one You know, it's it's where it's it's definitely a process. It's a journey and it's and it's not smooth sailing Right, we saw that two different people and but you've made a covenant you've made a commitment and You see that the personality wise, you know It's like one person is short tempered one person is maybe the other person is not the other person is understanding The other person is not and and all these things, right? So maybe it's because of some kind of hurt that has happened in the marriage is some kind of turmoil current thing that is happening Secondly People whom we interact with maybe in a work workplace Maybe in any other kind of thing could have different moral standards and for them It's no big deal. You know, you're a believer You made a commitment in the presence of God in the presence of God's people Saying that you will do this that you are committed till death to us part and in all seasons of life You know in sickness and in sorrow and pain and all that made a commitment saying that yes, I will You know abide I will I will be committed and you've made a commitment, but the problem is that You've not the other person may not necessarily have The same standards moral standards for them. Maybe they don't even have any moral standards. There's this so you need to be careful and For some others it could be, you know, it could be just a sense of entitlement a sense of You know a sense of pride Maybe, you know, you are Let's say for example, you know, you are in your You know, they're not necessarily a very young person. Maybe you are, you know, in your 40s in your 50s In your 60s, whatever and then here comes this person who's younger who seems to be interested in you Who's hanging on to every word that you're saying and and all that, right? So so you just feel okay. There's something missing in my life and this is happening Even though, you know, one could be married. So So this happens, right? See these are different scenarios. Why? you know someone drops their guard or Is not really clear about the boundaries So so when we're talking about You know moments vulnerable moments, this could be some scenarios, but broadly it could be Just a minute, please broadly it could be because person You know, when is when is someone particularly vulnerable? Okay, particularly vulnerable It could be when everything is going fine There's nothing wrong. Everything is going fine. You're very, you know, you're successful in life That is also a moment to be to be careful when we are confident we are everything is going fine we're successful and and that's a moment to be That's a vulnerable moment to be careful because that's when we let down our guard. We think okay And we compromise also We could be a moment when we are Emotionally down and there's a lot of crisis happening a lot of struggles challenges and emotionally we are down and we Feel that it's okay So both extremes Both are particularly vulnerable moments. Okay, so the word of God Has something to say as enough warnings, right? And we read in the Proverbs in the book of Proverbs we see it's like when we give in to Of course, this could work both ways both genders. So a person seducing here It's a female gender right seductress. So Proverbs 7 talks about that, you know, how that happens Tempted with the charms given into smooth talk and so you see, you know, physical attraction Conversation words, right? So it says yes, it was 22 suddenly was going with her like an ox on the way to be slaughtered Like a deer prancing into a trap where an arrow would pierce its heart He was like a bird going into a net. He did not know that his life wasn't danger and it says, you know, listen to me Pay attention to what I say. Do not let such a woman win your heart. Don't go wandering after her She's been the ruin of many men and cost the death of one too many to count. So so this would You know, yeah, so this would be This would be true For married people and this would also be true, you know, this warning is applicable to people who are single as well like so where Well, it's it's not something that is long-term. It is outside of God's you know, God's bounds boundaries and God's standards of holiness It's outside of all that, right? So it could be it could happen for single people also right so Like you said, we need to be on guard during times of personal crisis or great time of triumph Second Samuel 11 talks about David the example of David who was you know, when everybody had gone for war he actually Hear that he was he had taken a nap. It was it was it says second Samuel 11 and the worst twos as it was late afternoon So he had had a nice meal He had had a nap and then says he he got up from his nap and was strolling on the roof of The palace so everything was fine. He was at the top of his we can say carrier is Life as a king and everything was going fine. There's a good army and he was winning those battles and Everything was fine. And then this happened, you know this temptation and and fall and his sin with that shebel right Okay So we need to what are those boundaries? right that we can keep first thing is to have this understanding that The marriage is a good thing that we are maybe we are working at it and But it's a good thing Marriage it's a commitment. You made a commitment and it's a good thing in the eyes of God, right? It's It's it's the right thing and that intimacy and everything that your heart longs for Is to be fulfilled in the marriage relationship and not outside of it so The thing is don't trade that don't exchange that for something which is temporary Something that is going to cause a lot of pain. It might be It might seem exciting. It might seem fulfilling even in the in the in that moment Right, but it but you know that it's going to be a momentary It is going to be moment. Sometimes it is just Well, it could be just you know, it might be we looked at that Now that downward spiral now that download spiral could could takes maybe a long time to happen But at each let me just put that Yeah But at each stage, you know, if you look at that second stage and the third stage and and the fourth one You are losing ground and you are What is happening is that we are actually losing out on actually building trust and transparency and intimacy with our spouse and We are actually trading that there's a compromise that is happening Right, so there is a breaking down of one side and why at the same time you're building something that should not be built right, so So it's and and the thing is that there it is it is a waste of time It is a waste of time because you're putting your time and effort into something That is going to be counter productive To the marriage and it is going to hurt the marriage It is going to you know, we just feel okay. I Well, I'm not sinning anyway And I'm not I'm not actually sinning. I'm not physically involved But look at the nature of the text or email or the conversation that's happening, you know Is your heart opening up to that person right And for single people, you know, when we when we if you want to apply this I mean talking about boundaries It could be that okay, you know that the person You know is is not God's plan for you. Okay, maybe the person is not a believer Doesn't have the same values that you have totally incompatible But for some reason you are interact you attracted because of various things, you know, maybe that was funny Maybe that person is you know, I'm good-looking whatever So if you find yourself opening up your heart to that person then, you know, just check What is going on in your thought life? What is going on in your imagination? What is going on in your communication, right? Because Communication is a bridge It's a bridge Between two people. So you're exchanging thoughts ideas feelings emotions and so communication is a bridge. So Just Look into that aspect. Okay. What am I communicating? What am I sharing? What is that person communicating and sharing? So that's the thing. So if you look at You know, it's it's going to be a it's a waste of time. So don't trade that intimacy and You know, problems again talks about a lot about that problems five Versus one to 23 You know, most of that chapter. It's it's about this. So, you know, we can take time to look into it Here's the warning, you know verse 15 says, don't you know the saying drink From your own rain barrel draw water from your own spring fed fill Verse 20, why would you trade? Enduring intimacies for cheap thrills Now Adultery itself Okay, we say adultery we're talking about an extra right till Relationship and Definitely adultery it means that it's a it's a physical relationship But also we know that emotionally You know, we can commit an act of adultery Because we may not be Physically involved, but we are emotionally if we are emotionally involved With that person. Oh, that is also it is an emotional Adultery because you are you have actually crossed certain lines in in sharing certain information in speaking certain things What you need to Share and speak within the context of marriage. You're actually doing that outside so it's a it's It's destroys our soul destroys our emotions destroys our thinking and Ultimately destroys our Marriage a probe seeks for sound advice is a beacon good teaching is a light model discipline is a life path They'll protect you from wanton women from the seductive talk of some temperature. So again, you know, this is Referring to person who's seducing being a woman, but it could very well be a Man as well. Okay. Here's the warning 25 verse 25 Don't lustfully fantasize on our beauty now be taken in by her bedroom eyes and and so on so Verse 30, you know hunger is no excuse for a thief to steal When he's caught he has to pay it back even if he has to put his whole house in hawk meaning You know, sometimes there's a lot of justification Or most times, you know, why did this happen? Okay Why why did this happen? Why did you do it? Well, there's a lot of justification Given and and the thing is that well the spouse was not understanding the spouse was You know was was not really Was not being a good companion this house was not interested in and all those but the thing is The act of adultery is sin. Okay, no matter how much Reasonings we can give or justifications we can give it is as if Thief who has been caught while stealing No matter how much Whatever reasons he gives the fact is that he stole right and Will be punished there will be justice so You need to remember that right that adultery is a soul destroying act. It is self-destructive Again for this again works for both men and women But scripture has something to say particularly for women Probs 12 for a good wife is a husband's pride and joy, but a wife who brings shame on a husband It's like a cancer in his bones Probs 14 one homes are made by the wisdom of women, but are destroyed by foolishness now This would work for the man as well and Then there's one more scripture Which is probes 30 and verse 20. This is how an unfaithful wife acts She commits adultery takes a bath and says I haven't done anything wrong. Okay, so So the the possibility of someone to become so deceived that they share their conscience and You know step out of the boundaries of marriage and come in that out. Okay, so it is possible then the other boundary or Save God is to dress modestly Okay especially When it comes to men men are visually Influenced right That's how God is wired for the man to be visually You know be attracted to His wife he sees in the wife So men are visually Influenced and if you look at the advertising industry, you know, you would see why There are these products there are these services and we find that well You know, sometimes you wonder, you know, why is there a scantily dressed person in the in the advertisement Right, it is because well men are visually, you know, it grabs the attention and they are visually involved influenced and They may be probably they may take make a emotional decision purchase decision like an emotional buying decision right, so you see that so It is important for the women to to dress well to dress modestly and Of course a lot of scripture again about modesty first Timothy to Paul writes to the answers I also want the women to be modest and sensible about their clothes. This is a good news version and to dress Properly not with fancy hairstyles or with gold ornaments or pearls or expensive dresses But with good deeds as is proper for women who claim to be religious so modesty In everything moderation So well, there's nothing wrong with the hairstyle. There's nothing wrong with the ornaments pearls There's nothing wrong with, you know, good dresses or even an expensive dresses But the fact is to be modest and sensible to be modest and to live a life in moderation now That's that's very important, right? Okay Okay, let's look at something. Let's say One Has fallen in this area Okay No proper boundaries the boundaries have been stepped over and Therefore, you know, this maybe it's emotional attachment or maybe it's adultery full-blown adultery Well, maybe it's a momentary thing. Maybe it's a long-term thing that has happened. What do we do? It's very important What do we do and And the important question is, you know, is there a way out? Is there a way out or is it doomsday? right Well, the good news is there is hope Okay There is hope There is Restoration If one would be willing to walk that path now, it's going to take a lot Emotionally Mentally, right? It's going to take a lot, but it is possible It's They will be pain But it is possible. Okay. So some of the things that we see is that You know We can come back If you don't give up We can be restored if we continue to trust in the Lord and work and obey The steps that he is putting out that we walk the path that he's putting out if you look at You know the prodigal son coming to the senses and coming back to the father Well, we see that the father actually ran Father ran with the son just because he He said, yeah, I want to go back to my father's house So the so the father ran so there is hope For genuine repentance and wanting to come back And and the Lord will lead but there needs to be you know, decisive steps taken and one of those things Of course to be assured of God's love and Know to take that step And knowing that the Holy Spirit will Will restore things we see in Isaiah. We see that he gives us beauty in the place of ashes And so well, it is all possible But there's some things that we need to do at That scripture very very clearly puts out that there needs to be a cutting off. There needs to be a very strong action Okay, so we cannot continue to be in that extra marital relationship or make, you know cosmetic changes saying, okay, I will continue to be in touch I will continue to be a just good friends now and Continue to hope that well the marriage will work. It will not. Okay. Look at the Matthew chapter 5 Okay you have heard That it was said do not commit adultery But now I tell you anyone who looks at a woman and wants to possess her is guilty of committing adultery with her in his heart Verse 29 so if the right eye causes you to sin take it out and throw it away It is better for you to lose a part of your body than to have your whole body thrown into hell If your right hand causes you to sin cut it off and throw it out It is much better for you to lose one of your limbs than to have your whole body Go off to hell. So what does that mean? So that means that there needs to be a very very determined surgical Decision a hard decision to stop Okay to stop what we're doing Okay to say that okay, I realize that you know, I'm emotionally involved with this person. I Need to cut now Yeah, I need to cut break free. So first thing is to recognize Recognize that yes, these are the choices I've made and because of these choices. I am where I the second thing to repent and to Reverse those choices, you know repentance is basically that right you're reversing something You you turning away and You're going back so repent first recognize repent and You know at this point when we are repenting and we were turning away If there could be you know suggestions from the enemy or from our own undrenewed flesh, you know, maybe it's okay Maybe it's okay to just remain in touch. Maybe it's okay to just you know I'll talk about talk with that person, you know with whom you're emotionally involved or you know had that extra-mental affair just to be there and you know How will that person feel or you know, we've shared so many things now and then Suddenly I'm cutting away and there's a lot of maybe crying happening. Oh, I'm feeling sorry for that person all that Right would yes, it would happen, but If you want to save the marriage and if you want to do the right thing The right thing to do is to cut off I cut off maybe to explain to the person and say and to confess and say it was wrong What I did was wrong But I'm just Turning off turning back now. It's not going to be easy Maybe one would need the help of Maybe a counselor, maybe a pastor, maybe a mentor, whatever, you know, but Well, you can do it alone but then you know if there's a help required you to take that and Take that, you know hard choice hard decision Right. Okay, so we'll stop here and then we'll come back And continue in 10 minutes, right? Thank you