 Made like a four skin sandwich out of the four skins that he gets from the babies at the hospital and like it wasn't that bad. He was on Mars. It's just good for you. It was on Mars. It's fucked up four skin sandwich. And you can eat the umbilical cord period blood. That's pretty good. Are we live Matt? Yeah, we are. Welcome to episode number 16 of the Martin and Michael fully actual podcast where we describe everything go. It's fully actual. It's actually full. It's full actual. What happened over the weekend was right? Oh, my girlfriend organized a surprise boys night out right on fucking Saturday. Little surprise birthday party for Marty. And man, we had fun. We went out to dinner and we just got fucking because we don't really drink anymore. We went back in time to the bar that I was not banned from but kicked out sort of banned from the Darts Bar. The Darts Bar where I, I guess you could call it sexual harassment or assault. We got accused of sexual assault, but it was probably more harassment. Yeah, because I just harassed someone sexually. They didn't assault them. It's not that bad. It's fine. So yeah, so probably about over a year ago this bar, the short story fucking long story short is I was trying to show my friend my asshole in the toilets, which is what you do. We were excited. We just got a bag of cocaine. And so we're running towards, I ran ahead to sort of, I thought he was behind me. And then I quickly got down and all fours pulled my pants down, sped your asshole as you do to sort of shock your friend. And then he's fucking not followed me and the manager or some security, security bouncer walks in sees Michael's asshole blaring back and in. Oh, he was, and I knew I had to sense like as the door is open, I was like, what if it's not get out? Get out. I was like, it wasn't, it wasn't meant for you. You must have thought that you wanted, you wanted him to fuck you. Yeah, like real desperate. Oh, yuck. And I'm just like, no, it wasn't meant for you. Anyway, they fucking hate me. It was a simple misunderstanding. But one of the girls there was like, I started a war. She thought I fucked everything. But she got fired. But anyway, on the weekend we went there, went out, got fucking had a big night. And they didn't remember them. They let us in. Yeah. Well, she doesn't work there anymore. She literally got fired. Well, the others were pretty upset too last time. Yeah. Yeah. Well, where else did we go? And then anyway, the next day, because we're not used to fucking drinking. Man, that was like one of the worst hangovers I've ever had. You know, when like you're lying down and you can't even get comfortable. You can't even. It's like lying down isn't a relief. Yeah. It's just you're in so much pain and you're just lying there. And there's nothing you can do. I couldn't talk. Yeah. I couldn't decide on something to watch. I was too angry at everything. Maybe I'm used to it, but I was the same. But I ate like some peanut butter rolls before I went to bed. And then slept till like 11 o'clock and I was fine. I can't sleep properly when I drink. Yeah. I was up like 8 a.m. starting to fucking get nauseous. Oh, it's the worst. Yeah. It's the fucking worst. I think we got someone we can blame for our hangovers because one of our, one of the fans of the podcast saw us and his name's Cooper. Do you remember Cooper? Oh, yeah. We hung out after. And Cooper bought us shots. At Ling Ling's. At Ling Ling's, he bought us shots. Hey, Cooper got us fucked up. Who got the bottle? No, Ling Ling's gave us a bottle. He gave us a bottle. They gave us one. Yeah. Fucking thank you, Ling Ling's. Yeah, fucking not too bad. They're really nice people. Lying in bed though that day, gagging all day, reminded me of, remember when James, when one of our, one of our best mates, he's never really done drugs or anything before. And this is his first time doing edibles. Oh. And we gave him, like, Michael didn't know the dosages for this and just gave him a full serving. And we all had like a full serving. And then like 10 minutes in, I was like, whoa, these are really strong. And I started getting like worried for James because he's never done them before. And it's like the worst fucking feeling when you're greening out. Oh. It's like, it's hard not to panic, especially if it's the first time you've ever done edibles. I think you're dying. Yeah. If you don't know the feeling, it can be, you can become quite nauseous about it. And James, man, I still remember him just like, at the peak of it. He was close to like, I was just lying there, just praying for it to pass. Can really talk or do much. And James the poor fuck was like crawling over to the side of the house and just power vomited everywhere. Do you remember that? Yeah, yeah, I do. And then Michael. Michael was fine. Ran over. Just played with it. Grabbed the fucking vomit and just picked it up like that. And he was so stringy and was just flopping back down and he's playing with it like it's fucking spaghetti, a bowl of fucking cooked spaghetti. Like little taps on it. Oh, and I still remember our other mate, Mono's just so shocked. He's like, oh! Oh! He couldn't fucking believe it. Yeah. He was vomit or anything? No, no, no. The vomit was pretty chunky. I found out. And James couldn't even go to work for like, Oh, he missed his plane. Yeah. Because he couldn't get to the airport. He kept throwing up. That's right. The next day. That was the next day. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I found out that half the cookies were double the dose. Oh, man. A few days later. So you and James got the ones that were double dose. And you got... And me and... Oh, man. Yeah, that was fucking shit. Like, I'm sensitive to edibles and that was fucking intense. Yeah, fuck. Sorry, James. And that's how it was on fucking Sunday. All day Sunday. Yeah. It's so hard. Even Monday, I felt fuzzy. I was like, ugh. I have no motivation to do anything. Hmm. Yeah, I'm still like anxious as fuck now. It takes so long to get over fucking piss nights. No! What else happened last week? What did we do last week? Like, filming wise. Surely you did something disgusting. Did you fuck anything? Did you eat anything? Did you excrete anything? Ah? When did we... What the fuck did we film last week? We went to Sydney. What was the vlog? Oh, yeah, you did a Sydney trip. Oh, do we? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, we spoke about that. We did this podcast when we got back from Sydney. Oh, yeah. So we're only thinking from last Thursday onwards, can't. So what have we filmed this week? Is the real fucking question you fucking can't? We went and got our... Oh, yeah, we did psychic reading for the vlog coming out on the website, which reminds me. And we did a little experiment which was... Oh, yeah. What speed does a high five hurt? So Michael got in his fucking car and I was standing on the side of the road with my arms stuck out, Rob. And Michael drove past it, 20 km an hour. 40 km an hour. 60 km an hour. All the way up to 110 km an hour. And let me fucking tell you, that is fucking painful. Yeah, I didn't think it would be that bad. And the scariest part was seeing the car. Like we're on a narrow street that's not... Like we're not on a fucking highway. Yeah. Because I can't stand on a highway. So we're on some shitty little street where you're not even meant to be speeding. And Michael's driving at me at 110 km an hour and only needs to be like a meter away from me. So if he fucked up, then I would have been fucking... All over the fucking floor, come on. Yeah. I'm amazed you didn't dislocate your fingers at that speed. No, held it loose. Like held it down and then just let it go. On my 50 km an hour, he kept it hard and it snapped my arm back into the fucking car. Almost like snapped it off. Imagine if the elbow popped out. That would have been good. That would have been great. That would have been viral. Yes. So we fucking filmed that and what else happened? That and the psychic and then we've just been fucking... Did you do it in the coin car? Yeah. Good. Yeah, so that's coming out for the vlog. You're listening to this. It just came out yesterday. All right, so that'll be out on the fucking website which reminds me this podcast is sponsored by our subscription website. A university of Markleware. We post weekly vlogs 20 to 30 minutes behind the scenes of all of our videos, day-to-day lives, blah, blah, blah. Shit, we can't post to social media, blah, blah, blah. It's got like 180 videos on there. It's fucked. Yeah, it's a lot. They're all fucks, cunt. And you sign up, it's free for 21 days. You can see if you like it. If you don't, you can fuck right off. And this podcast is sponsored by Manscaped. If you want 20% of male grooming stuff, go to manscaped.com and use our discount code fully actual. You get 20% off straight away. So those are our sponsors. And this is our podcast. All right. Without further ado, I have some diary entries to read out. Oh, also shout out to Locky. Easy Tiger. Easy Tiger. It's my ex, my ex-boyfriend. I forgot to wear it, but yeah, Easy Tiger. Little Locky's got a fucking clothing ran out. And you just know it's going to be good if Locky's doing it. Yeah. What's the website? It's just easytiger.com. Probably. You'd fucking hope so. Scatty's been scatty. He's been scatty. He's been scatty. He's been scatty. He's been scatty. He's been scatty. He's been scatty. He's been scatty. He's been scatty. He's been scatty. All right. All right, I've got some diary entries here, and I've even, Michael, sent me Julian's diary entry as well. Because I haven't ever read one of Julian's diary entries. I can only imagine how intellectual and stimulating that will be. So I'm pretty excited. Julian's quite the academic. You wouldn't think it. He actually is deep down. He got an OP8. And he's like, he's super, super logical. Think of very, very smart. Doesn't ever act on emotion. Like so polite. Anyway, we'll see. We'll see what's inside his mind, what truly lies inside his mind. But first we'll get through us three, of course. Diary entry number 310 from Michael Corey Brookhouse. I thought an animal had died in my bedroom, but I found out the bottle of piss under my bed just had started leaking. It's like fucking real, too. That's happened. What do you mean? Of course these are real, man. Oh my God. 176 from Marty. Went to the zoo by myself. Spent like two hours watching the hippos. They were so sick. Totally going to come back again tomorrow. I remember that. I remember going to the Australians. I went to my own fair few. You love the zoo. Oh man. Whenever we were overseas, if there was a zoo or something like, something you'd never see in any other country, like a museum, like whatever. I think there was one in Barcelona. He decides to go to zoo every time. It's like, animals just get him. It's just so funny. There's a photo of him with a giraffe and it looks like something out of a cartoon. He's that happy. The animals are just feeding it leaves and he's just like, so happy. The animals are just so funny, man. It's like, what the fuck are they doing, cunt? They're just standing there looking around like, what are these cunts looking at, cunt? Yeah. And it's like, we're looking at them and they're looking at us, cunt. And it's like, what the fuck, cunt? It's just cunt staring at each other, cunt. It sounds like when you're looking at meerkats, they're all just staring at each other. That's what a zoo is. They're fucking, they should open prisons up to feel like people come look at them. They'd make money. Yeah, a hundred and ten percent. Do you reckon that would work? I would fucking, I would go to that fucking prison and look at them all the time. It's like, what do you want to see, gang rape? What do you want to see, like a shower scene? Give me a look at all your murderers. A fucking fight in the yard. What do you want to see? Yeah. What else happens in prison? Do you want to beat one of them up? Shank him. Do you want to get fucked by one cunt? All that. Matt? Ah, diary entry, number one thousand and four from Matthew Gregory Brown. A breeze washes over my pink skin as I lay comfortably across my bed. The summer air was teeming with life. I slowly open my eyes and admire my room. Everything was placed exactly where it should be. Then I think my eyes are playing tricks on me as I notice my jar of fingernails being rotated and moved slightly. I move quickly over to it and confirm that yes, it had been touched. Someone had been in my room without my permission. I could only think of one cunt fucked enough to touch my precious jar of fingernails. My judgmental slut sister, Rhonda. I storm out of my room and into hers to confront her. Did you touch my fingernails? Rhonda turns on her computer chair, chewing gum, no freak. I didn't touch your gross fingernails. Don't lie to me. I hiss at her with all my might. She looks confused. I hiss again. She finally breaks. Just stop hissing for fuck's sake. Yeah, I noticed that your fingernail collection had grown so I just had a look to see if any of my fingernails were in there. It's not a big deal. Rage builds and my face reddens. I stomp my feet loudly and open my mouth as wide as I can. But while still bearing my teeth, my sister lunges forwards and sticks her tongue into my open mouth. Within seconds we were fucking. I throw my sister on her bed and start pounding her from behind. My flexible hips allow me to pull my brown right back and thrust forwards with great power. I climax and spill my brown mince into her core and retract my brown slowly. Next time just ask if you want to look at my fingernail collection. I mumble as I leave. I look back one last time and see my sister scooping my mince out of her gash with a spoon and flicking it at the walls. I slam the door as hard as I can and sprint back to my room. Life is full of wonderful mystery. Oh, scooping it out with a fucking spoon. Your brown mince? Oh, I'm just a... Oh, man, that is... Where are you getting these from? What do you mean, Matt? You write these. These are from your head, Matt. They're real reality. Do you have a sister named Rhonda? That started getting messages from people telling him that he's fucked because of these diary entries. People think these are fucking... Anyway, that's the diary entry there. Sorry, I fucked up the reading a fair bit. I've got to, like, practice it a hundred times. Yeah, well, there's a lot of weird words in there. Sorry. I like the way you roll your Rs. I don't know how to do that. It's Germany. Can you give me one? It's Spanish. They started that shit. Can you do it? Thrust. Thrust. Thrust. Thrust. Oh, do it. Thrust. I do a machine gun. I don't know how to do the R. Thrusting my cock. Thrusting. Thrusting. Thrusting. Thrust your cock. Thrust your cock. Thrusting. Is this right? Thrusting. No, you got... Thrusting your cock. Yeah, it sounds better. It's like a ras, but... Thrust. I give up. Fuck that. You say it how you usually say it. You just... So it's like... Thrust, but I don't know how to... Thrust. Thrusting my cock. Thrust. Yeah, I can't do the little jiggle thingy that you do with the Rs. There's no Julian Woods. Oh, yeah, there is. Hang on. Let me find it. Oh, yeah, I fucking nearly forgot about our little buddy, Julio. All right, let's see what he's got. Diary entry number 98 from Julian Tennyson Woods from Ashgrove. Yeah, good day, boys. Today, we went on a big heist. We were running low on what's-a-call meth. So me and my gang, the Northside West, South West, cased this joint near the skate park. We saw there was seven what's-a-call employees working, and the boys got all scared on me. So I thought, fuck this shit. And ran into the busy night owl and stole like four packets of chips and a can of solo, and I fucked a chick. Fed the boys all night, so we had the energy to get back on it again. Hectic night. Oh, and I banged a chick on the train home, too. Like in between the carriage thing, in between like the compartments. Like, do you get what I mean? Yeah, sick. Man, Julian's a little rascal. That's two fucks in the space of one night. That's not what I was expecting. I thought that sounded like him, though. It sounded like 16-year-old Julian. I'm just guessing. Well, he's like 16. He's a forever 16. Well, isn't he like 16? No. Sorry. Yeah, he's 20. No, I honestly think that he's about 17, 18. He's 23 now. Fuck, I wish I was 23. You're 31. Your time is coming closer and closer. All of ours were middle-aged men soon. Dude, you know you're old when your fucking eyebrows have to be shaded with a barber. Dude, what the fuck, man? In like six years old? Yeah, shit it is having long eyebrow hairs. Yeah, I don't know what's going on with you. That doesn't happen to me, and I'm older than you. Dude, it will happen. It happens to everyone. Man, I'm older than everyone. And fuck me. They look shit. I hate them. Anyway, what were you going to say? Fuck. I was just going to say that in a few years, we'll be in our late 30s. Oh, that's so far away. Do you remember being young and thinking, fuck me, like 38 is so far away. 38 is just around the corner now for you. All right, moving on. What's next? Before you know it, we'll be knocking on death's door. You ruined my day. I just want to be young. We can't ignore it anymore. We can't ignore the fact that we're fucking old now. We aren't old in like 10 years, yes. But now we are prime. If someone had asked 10 years ago, 21-year-old Michael, are you old now? You would have said, no, we're not old now. We'll be old in 10 years when we're 31. And now you're saying the same thing, and you're going to keep playing hide the ball when you get to 41. But I'm letting you know that you're fucked. I reckon old, old, old is 50. 40, something's happening. 30 is okay. 20, you're still young. You're learning. I think we can do this in the 40s, but 50s, we just got to give up. Actually, no, fuck it. I reckon the podcast will still go in our 50s. That'd be cool. All the bodily functions are going to give up. Michael can do a weekly update on his nappies. I can get back to pissing. Rogan's 55. He's still doing podcasts. Joe Rogan. You can do podcasts until you're fucking 93. I think it's okay. Oh, skin! God! Are you playing with the skin? Yeah. I don't know if you can see yourselves slapping each other with belts when you're 54. They'd leave interesting bruises. That's for sure. I watch old men do that. Dude, the older we get, the funnier this shit will get. But people just think we have some sort of mental disability. Yeah, that's all right. That is all right, hey? Yeah. There's so much dead skin on the table still from last week. We haven't cleaned it. Donut film sent that in. Man, last week got fucking out of control. There's our most viewed podcast, though, last week. In the space of time. So it's been like, what, three or four days? And it's already the most views out of any other video that's been posted in that four days. Do you know what I'm saying? That's good to explain. And that's because Michael shinnies pants and ate some skin. Smoke pubes? There was a few things. Oh, you did smoke pubes. I don't forget that. Yeah, that's snuck down the ladder because nobody commented it. Nobody commented anything about Michael smoking his own pubic hair. There was a lot of shit going on. Like, I think Jackson wasn't too pleased. He's leaving us soon. Yeah, he's booked his flights to, I don't know if we can say. He's gone to Rockhampton. Yeah, he's booked his flights somewhere. And yeah, he pretty much booked him straight after that podcast. The next time I spoke to him, he's like, I'm leaving Australia. I was like, oh, okay. But we're going to go see him tomorrow and shake his hand. Yeah. See you, man. Good on you, Cobra. No hard feelings, Bola. Something like that. Isn't that right? I'll try and get a kiss. Yeah, okay. Oh, I'd love to have a look at what you've done here. So Michael's got a face mask, okay? And he's just gollied into it. So now for the next person, where's this? I pranked him. Matt, do you mind bringing me that bottle that's on that table there? The B-E-S-T-B? I want to show them what Michael's been up to. So Michael's gone. Michael's a bit of rogue science here. And Michael likes to do little experiments on his own sometimes. Like I'll come over in the morning and he's like got the fucking Bunsen burners out and he's got like all these tubes and shit and fucking like he's got paddles like electrical paddles and he fucking starting his own ecosystems and shit, which is what this is. So this is its own ecosystem and it's growing. So this is a, for those of you who can't see it, it's a clear bottle. And it's about a third of the way full of a liquid with a, what texture, what would you say that stuff on top is like sort of like? I call it like, I call it gluten because it just sounds right. But I'm pretty sure it'd be closer to gelatin. It looks like white brain matter sort of floating on top. And what it is is Michael's had a bit of a cough, right? So what it is is Michael, every time he has a cough, he coughs up a golly and now he spits it into that bottle. And he's been doing that for about what, two weeks now? Dude, please don't move it around like that. Honestly, I shouldn't have fucking got it over here. And he's really wants me to smell it, you know, for science. Can you please smell it for science? It is so bad. Matt smelled it and he never does shit like that. No, of course I haven't smelled it yet, Matthew. I'll have a whip and just, it's so rough, dude. It's so rough. I'm very sensitive, gaggy right now. Dude, it would be so good if you bombed. Let's do it. Oh, look at your face, Michael had a whiff. It's like, it's like poo. It smells like poo. No, it's a bottle of golly. Just get into it. Hurry up. Oh, man. The sooner you do it, the sooner it's over. It's not that bad. It's different. It's different. It's so strange. He's not expecting that. I know. It's so different. It's like biscuits or something. Yeah. Because it was thicker, but now it's starting to like sort of break apart and shit. So we have a sip. Time changes. I think this would kill you, dude. Honestly, like, I think it's like fermented and become a poison. Sorry. Oh my God. This is so fucked. Anyway, this is what a little side experiment that Michael's got going on. Michael's always got little side experiments like this. Like, remember that fly catcher we had and we just let it fill with flies. And then the first flies who got in there died. And then the new flies got in there and would feast on the dead flies, lay the maggots. And then it was like this ecosystem. The old flies would die. The maggots would eat the dead flies and then grow into normal flies. And it was full to the brim. It was quite interesting. Yeah, I do remember that. It was pretty sick, but yeah. You loved it. It was like a little hoppy. Well, it's like, um, Do you always look at it? Each day you'd go out and have a look at it. Fly concentration camp. Yeah. Yeah, there are the capitalism. You know, there's a lawless little bowl. Lawless, no rules. Yeah. Yeah, what? Anyway, moving right along to our first segment, where you guys comment questions. All right, keep them coming. Dude, I fucking read all the comments. So does Michael. Jackson's had a good read of the ones from last week. We love reading them. They're the fucking best. If you can't support us in any other way, just drop a comment. All you have to do is just write the best. Click the like button. If you can't think of anything to write yet and click. And if, if you can be fucked, also just subscribe because then that tells YouTube, Holy fuck, these guys are on or something. You can't because it's starting to really pick up the podcast channel and it's motivating. I'm telling you. And the more motivated we get, the more fucked up he gets. Yeah, I'll have a cum bottle. Imagine a cum bottle. Yeah. So if you can't support us in any other way, please just give it a thumbs up, subscribe, fucking drop a comment and have a scroll through the comments. If you see any questions for the podcast, read them. If you like it, give it a like as well because Matt reads out the questions with the most fucking likes. And there he is, Matthew Brown. Take a stand. Stand up, cunt. Stand up, cunt. Get up. Why? Matthew Brown. Matthew Brown. He's standing up. Sit down. All right. Hit us with some questions. Be dog. Oh, um, you've thrown me way off now. Your diary entry threw me off cunt, threw me off the fucking cliff. Um, would you guys ever consider coming to South Africa? That's one of the, that's, yeah, I guess. Yep. That was from JDM. She is JDM. I think we have a few South African people watch us because that got a fair few likes. Really? The South Africans like that you're fucking shitting yourself, cunt. Um, Michael, this is from Max Oxlong. Michael, would you ever explain your DMT experience in detail? I think I have half assly on this podcast in previous seasons. You may have to go back through a few seasons to find it. But basically it's just, you get told you are a fucking bag of shit. I don't think that's the, for every, that's not every time. Last time we did it, you just went and saw the elves. Oh, no, that was, that was DMT. So I'm talking about Salvia. Okay. Yeah. The DMT trips, you go see the mechanical elves and they're fucking, they don't, a lot of the time they just sort of look at you and like, what the fuck are you here? But yeah, the Salvia trip was more like motherfuckin' some feminine voice telling me that I've got to smarten up. Smarten up. Smarten up. And he has, and he has smarten up. Now he's on a podcast, he shits himself. Yeah, shit dude. He has smarten right up. Yeah, but yeah. And then the DMT trip though, I guess why that, was that asked because I said that getting choked out is similar to a DMT. You've had a few comments around DMT. Getting choked out is like DMT without the colors, it's like a black room that you go into. And then time goes a lot longer in that realm than it does in real life. So when I got choked out, it felt like it weeks, the first time it felt like I was in that black room for half an hour. Last time it felt about two, three minutes, but I was only gone for like realistically 10 seconds. You're flopping around like that. Yeah. Next question is from Brie Firth. Do you guys get recognized every single time you go in public and would you ever wish you could go back to being able to go out without being recognized? Yes and yes. Yesterday was fucked. Yeah, sometimes it's more than others. If we go to a place and get recognized and someone has the balls to come up and talk to us, other people see it and it gives them courage to and then usually if it's one person it's like 10 other people. But sometimes, you know, we'll notice people just looking at us and no one says anything. So it's hard to tell if we're getting recognized. Yeah, but yesterday was literally, we're at Chamiside. It was bang, bang, one after the other and it wasn't just like a quick photo. It was like have a little chat. How you doing? And at dinner the other night someone made us watch them do a a taxi, a vortex. Yeah. Yeah, fuck. Yesterday in general was this ring with people coming up. It was so much fun. But yeah, I reckon, I wish it was like a button you could turn fame on and off. And you've got a mask. You can slide it over your snout and you can't get seen by nothing. But I mean, But I've seen it out. I've seen some people can be a bit cringe and then other people seem to just be able to communicate very well. Yeah, but I think it's just like the stress of fucking, you can never just be like, especially in my car, dude, there's fucking coins. Everywhere I go, it's just like a beacon. Look at me, falling for attention. Like, sometimes I just don't feel like it. And it's like, hey dude, every light you pull up to, hey man, same conversation, just over and over. Oh, why'd you do that? Oh yeah. How much is on there? Yeah, I guess they're not fans. They're just people that are inquiring. The fans are always like. No, it is nice. Like, because, you know, it's like recognition for the videos. But sometimes it is like, you just would be nice. Yeah, it is annoying that you can't switch it off. But so we're very aware now when we go in public. It's not, yeah, going out in public is not the same now as it was two years ago. It's always a bit, you're always a little bit more on edge, but it's not, it's not bad. You know, it comes with it, but you just don't expect to feel like this before you make it. Yeah. Yeah. You think fame is going to be a lot different. Anything is going to be all fun and games. But there's stalkers out there. Yeah. And it's just like, I don't know, as once you become famous, you can't unfame yourself. And it also, it depends on how well, like our videos are doing as well. Like if we got a viral video going, it's like it's crazy. There'll be people coming to us all the time. But since we have this rich restriction on Facebook for another four months, which by the way, we're thinking about not even posting to our main Facebook page anymore, because it's just fucking embarrassing now. Doesn't show it. Like the views are like, Facebook doesn't show to anyone. It's so fucked. So, but yeah. So since lately, we've had, we haven't been getting many viral videos. It's like, it's dyes down a little bit as well. Next question is from Fly By Night. Oh, what would it take to shave or cut Michael's hair again? And Michael, would you let him? Also, I had another question from someone else. Michael, would you ever cut your hair into a bowl cut? Oh, it's already liked that at the moment. It's not a bowl cut. Oh, no. It's just like a bowl cut with a mullet. A mullet. Yeah. I let a friend hack into it. A mullet. And now it's all like, short at the front. Dude, you should get a fucking mullet. I've got a mullet. No, you like shave the sides of your head. Dude, nah. Oh man. That'd be the sickest. Or if you did shave your head, you got my facial hair now. I think it wouldn't be that bad. You're old now. It's fine. I'm old. Yeah. My time is fucking done. Yeah. We're getting close to the finish long count. No, we're not. We've got ten more years. Ten more years. That's not long at all. That's better than nothing. Yeah. Hair cut? What was the fucking button? Hair cut, man. I would never get a bowl cut fucking mullet. I'd have to do it. I've got a half ass one right now. I'd have to do it on the slide. He'd never let me shave his head willingly. I've been touching this. It's been in my anus. But yeah, I don't know. Who knows? I might fucking snap and just pour a bucket of fucking hot wax in his hair like he did to me one day. Count many as fuck. Next question is from Jaden Milton. Marty, how do I make the vape hit me quicker as in the vapes that you guys sell? Turn the temperature up all the way to the... So you click it in. You hold it in and wait for the little colors to go red. And then you press it once and it'll get to hotter. And you press again, hotter, hotter. So there's four levels of heat. You get it till it's all four things are red. And then you hold it down again and that confirms that that's the temperature. And then the smoke comes quicker because it's fucking burned and it probably can't... Those fucking vapes are fucking sick. Dude, I'm loving it. And we're selling them, by the way. Marty, what's the website? Cutten. www.cutn.com.au. You can get the vapes that we have and they're fucking sick. Can I have one right now, Matthew? Thank you, baby. Look at my baby. And then I got high. Here comes Matt Brown, everyone. Show him your hat. Come here. Come here, you little fucking... Look, he's on camera! He's on camera! We're in his little visor that he has to wear at work. He has to wear that, they said. It's so simple, guys. You literally just open it up, put whatever herb... Or oil. There's an oil thing as well. And you click it. And then in 15 seconds, I'll be able to suck that. Yeah, once it goes green, it does a little vibrate. Mmm, I'm ready. I wish it said that. I'm ready. I'll mention that. Next question is from JJ Hamilton. How tall are you guys? 190 centimetres. Yeah, I'm just a bit taller, 192 or something. So like 6'3". 6'3 for those fucking Americans out there. Are we 6'3? Is that what that means? I always said 6'2, fuck yeah. Alright, one more. Cool. Another one. DJ! Did you just shit, cunt? No, I was at the chair. See? Sorry. Next question is from Jack Collier. Who is the stronger out of the both of you? Oh, I'm heavier. So it's not really... It's like asking a dwarf... Can we say dwarf? I'm going to say dwarf. Alright, that's what you are. You're small. He did suggest you could have an arm wrestle on the podcast if you couldn't agree on who's stronger. He's stronger. I'm getting stronger. Yeah, yeah, Michael's fucking we've been living there. Fuck man, he is just... I'm not like insanely strong. I'm just stronger than Michael. Yeah, he's stronger than me. So that's like insanely strong to me. Ah! Clink, clink, clink! There's skin on the table. There should be a cup of... Skin. There's golly. There's shit on the chair. Oh, yeah. Podcast is so fucked up. Baby. Do you not blow in? I go... and close my eyes. Oh, like this? Yeah. It says not to do that on the instructions. I don't do that. What's the rest during it? Cut. You are a fucking man. God damn it. No, I do do that. I lied about both things. Okay. This is just weed. Yeah. So don't worry guys. Next question is from Service Ace of Diamonds. Question for the podcast. Is 26 too young for a guy to be a virgin? What do you reckon is the reasonable to have your v-card? Up to you man. Everyone's different. Everyone reaches their sexual maturity at different levels. There are some cunts who are fucking in when they're 10 years old. I've seen a little kid going nuts on some 18-year-old bird outside a nightclub. Well, fucking 10-year-old boy. Fucking an 18-year-old. Yeah, but you were young. Well, I was 10. Yeah, so it's okay for you to watch. But yeah, it varies. If fucking still scares the shit out of you. Yeah, you're not ready. Don't force it. Don't pressure yourself just because society says you gotta fuck by like, what, 12 or 11? Yeah. You can just wait till 30, 40, wait till you find a chick you like. The older you get, the bigger your load will be when you eventually do save it up. Be like this. Big chunky mincemeat mat. Yeah. Just wait for the right person. Girl, boy, animal. And just see what happens. Don't fucking force yourself. And try it. Cows are very, they don't judge. Well, they can't judge, and they can't tell other people about your performance. So if you want to sort of scrub up on your skills, get a cow and pull its cheeks apart. Son of a bitch. Next question is from Beabose. Is it boring always being the best? Well, sometimes we miss a challenge because we are so perfect at everything. It's like, oh yeah, we'll do this again and we'll do it perfectly. But it's not boring. It's just like, it's just like, it drags out sometimes. It is what it is, man. It is what it is. We did a TikTok the other day drinking soda water and trying not to burp. And Michael like threw up at the end of it, posted it to TikTok. It's not even funny. I watch it and I don't even know what ever. We'll just quickly post it. It's like, it's shit. I don't get like how it's working these days now. And it's on 2.3 million views with 235,000 likes. How? We changed the world. Next question is from James Kirk, Patrick. Michael, Marty, what did your family think when they saw you guys on the billboards? They didn't see it. They saw it. She lives in Brisbane. Like, I don't know. I never spoke to her about it. Yeah, I don't know if they know about that either. So I don't, and my mum would probably just like cleanse up and start politely laughing and then walk away and just sort of pretend like, tschüss, tschüssi. See you again, Martin. You're on the billboard. You want to have an A-board? You want to have a board? Look how noodle that. Enough! Until German segment. Next question is from Kyle I. I think or Elle. How bad did each of your breath stink after the corn? Oh, the shit corn. No, it wasn't like, fine. I wildly had a piece. It was fine. As I said, it's like corn that someone's farted on. Eating real shit? Your breath would probably be shit for a while. Oh man, I remember that too. I swallowed a piece of dog shit. But I remember I burped. And all the scent would come up. Oh my god! You literally have shit breath. So every time you burped was the worst. And it was like hours after, man. Dog shit. Fresh dog shit. Straight out of a dog's asshole. When we first started, it's how desperate we were. We had no choice. We had to get views or be homeless. Those were the options. Matthew fucking Brown. Alright. Some cunt asked fucking, Matt's lost it, but he wanted to know what's our biggest loss in gambling. And we've had we're not big gamblers, but Michael whilst I was pissed as fuck challenged Jade and Charmie's little brother to a game of table tennis and put five grand on the line and lost it. Yeah, I really regretted that. Imagine that in Bitcoin now cunt. You'd be fucking screaming cunt. At least it was like, not to the casino. It was to a mate. And Jade needed the money too. Yeah, at that time. For his hair. Yeah, I'm helping to pour Prasad out. And we got out of the casino we maybe spent like 500 bucks once every six months or something. But we've never won anything big. I've never fucking had a big win. I think the biggest win I've had was on the pokeys and I won like 400 or 450 dollars. See, that's shit. 5 dollar bet, bang, 400 dollars. It's cute. You hear about people winning like 20 grand even on the pokeys. That's at least that's 20k. That's like 20,000 dollars. That's like 20,000 dollars. How much? 20k. It's in there. But yeah, you never ever have a friend that gets that or you never do it yourself. Everyone else has a friend that's done it. We don't for some reason. That's fucking gamble. Matt's always winning in the pokeys. Actually, you do win a little bit. A little bit. That's probably up in his whole life. Next question is from G.O. Go. Have you guys ever tried my pronounces wrong? Gencom. Her speller? J-E-N-K-U-M Gencom. I actually had to Google it to find out what it was. And what is it? It's a small Asian box of miscellaneous objects used for hair braiding. It is an inhalant and hallucinogen created from fermented human waste. Oh my god. We're doing it. We're going to do it live on the podcast tomorrow. So what do you do? You're shitting it back. Can you get high off this? Here we go. Reportedly you put the feces and urine in a jar or a bucket and seal it with a balloon and leave it out to ferment in the sun. Afterwards they would inhale the fumes created in the balloon. Man, that... What the fuck? Dude, what happens? Is this bad for you? If this isn't bad for you, we'll do it. We'll have to look into it. It sounds quite healthy. It became a popular recreational drug in middle high schools across countries. It became popular in high schools. Shitting in bags and letting them fucking bubble up and then... Oh yeah. It'd be like that. You should sit that outside for a minute. A golly jar. No one's probably ever done that. A golly jar. Fucking... You get high off that. You see God. Oh yeah, you become God. I'm adding that. God's just golly jar fumes. Put it on the list. The effects last for around an hour. It consists of auditory and visual hallucinations for some users. I don't know about that. I don't want to fucking trip balls off shit. All right. But we'll give it a go. We'll write it down. What's it called again? Gen Cum. We'll have to make sure that you can't go down it because your shit would be very, very potent. Man, you can get fucking hallucinate off your own fucking shit. And your own. You'd shit out DMT and fucking... Yeah. Like with all good things. Time for our next segment. And this is a segment where I read out common German phrases. As if I'm communicating with another fucking kraut in front of me. So two krauts talking. What's a kraut? It's a German. It's not a German. It's a nickname. Kraut. Oh my God. Is that where the name comes from? I remember this is said in the wars. Yeah. I used to have to force fed sauerkraut as a boy and it is fucking disgusting. Would you eat it now or you hate it now? I'd eat it now for sure. Put it on everything now. Is this a very intense flavor for a little German boy? It's very... It's a fermented cabbage con. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, please. No, please. No, please. And that's sauerkraut. Fucking sauerkraut. Okay, here we fucking know. All right. So this is what you would say to someone after they've given you some pretty bad news. It's very black for you. It's very black for you. Oh, no. It's very black for you. Which means I see black for you. Which means it's hopeless for you. Wow. That makes sense. I see black. It's very black for you. The ending sounds like it's Irish or Scottish. It's a popular... That sentence isn't a popular children's rhyme as well. Listen to the ending. Say it again. It's very black for you. For you. It sounds like it's from Scotland. For you. For you. All right, next one. Don't ruin them. Nikki will be mad. She got cranky. All right. This is a great one. This was said by our president. Richard Nixon. The German president. What do you have presidents there? Who's he? I don't know who it is now, but it used to be David Hasselhoff. That's what he would say. Do vice eye! Do vice eye! Do vice eye! Do vice eye! Which means you soft egg. David Hasselhoff. Which means you pussy. You fucking soft pussy. That's what that means. And that is also in very common in children's rhymes. Do vice eye! Do vice eye! Protect our country! Protect the motherland! Do vice eye! Fucking... Can you explain what David Hasselhoff in Germany why that is? Dude, no one knows. I know. Didn't he sing in Germany? He was a massive music artist in Germany. And of course trust the Germans to think that David Hasselhoff is good at music. He is a talented guy. Have you listened to the song? He actually sings in German. Yeah, he does. And the motherlang thanks him for it. Hasselhoff. David Hasselhoff. He was the president! He was the president and he would say things like Do vice eye! Alright. Last one that he would say. You've already passed me it. Alright, here we go. This one... I haven't heard this one before. It's nice and short and sweet. Nicht für Ungut! Nicht für Ungut! Nicht für Ungut! Ungut! Ungut! Nicht für... Nicht für Ungut! That hurt to say. No, it's very soothing. Relaxing. Which means nothing for Ungut. Which means... No offense. Nicht für Ungut! But Africans need to stop complaining now that we solved it. Nicht für Ungut! Do you see what happened there? Matt, what's wrong? Nothing. Usually if I repeat the same phrase at least three or four times Mr Brown, what's going on? I was actually a bit distracted. I was googling David Hasselhoff and he's German. It's a fun rabbit hole to go down. Yeah dude, amazing. I can't believe that he was the president and that you guys fucking think he is the shit at singing. I ought to follow him into World War 3 if you want to. And that offer still stands David if you listen. Which you don't know anyway. It's another story. Like you know him? You even know the story. Anyway, it's a long time ago. Quick Hunt. Just a quick update on Hunt. The Hunt! You know what? I want a message fucking David Hasselhoff. I can't get him out of my mind. Should we do that? Let's go for David Hasselhoff. Maybe. I think I have to. Just say you're a big fan of his German song. What's Hugh's first name? Dave. It's a sign. Think about it. We already followed him. Because I know him. Bullshit we already followed him. Hey Dave, it's Marty. I know it's been a while. How many followers did he have? If he still has the same mobile number from 8 years ago. I could try and text him. If you're that famous you sort of need to change your phone numbers every now and then. Hasselhoff. Hasselhoff. Hasselhoff. Alright. Hasselhoff. That's the name of this segment now. Oh yeah. We've got two letters here. Do we have some packages in the mail? Yeah but they're in the PO box. So we have packages in the mail so next week we're going to get into your PO boxes for those who have sent shit through and keep sending it. This is like fucking Christmas time. It's like fucking Christmas time. Alright we're going to read two letters that have been sent in today. Marty and Michael. This is very securely sealed. Makes me wonder if maybe there's something in here. It's always a bit nerve wracking opening. Oh yeah I didn't think about it at that time. Because you know our fans do send us dead skin and calm and shit. Man that's. And tampons. And toenails. What the fuck man. This worries me dude. This is what I worry about. This is just child's writing. If they are watching the podcast what the fuck is going on. Like this is scribble. Oh man you think you got it bad. You should see my letter. It's like coding. Mine's like what is it stuck on. Oh shit it's like a letter from the Zodiac. Oh shit it is. Oh no. It's a big coded thing. Oh my god it's like the Zodiac has sent us a fucking letter. That's not good. Man you are the. It's probably got a tracking beacon on it. Speaking of Hasselhoff. Oh my god this is an intense picture. I don't know if it can even show this. Could be hate speech or something. He sent us a old picture of Hitler doing this. Which we don't condone. Hitler was a bad bad man. Unfortunately we will get taken down for that. I can't show that to you guys. But that's what the picture is. He's the true president. You don't need to resort to such things as jazz. Hitler went too far. Hasselhoff knows what he's doing. Hasselhoff went just the right distance. Should we decode this? This will take fucking hours. Anyway we'll read the little letter. Hey Marty and Michael please use the alphabet letter codes to solve the keyword letter to see what it says of the actual that I wrote to use. Have fun PSU. I'm going to write out the letter. We don't want to spend the next 15 minutes doing this. But we will do this after the podcast. And we will read it for you next week. Alright everyone? How's that? And can you read this one? Yeah sure. I can have a guy reading this child's letter. Can't you read it Michael? I'm too high right now. You are the most fucking funny person ever. If you see Julian get Marty or you to punch him in the nuts or scare him. You and Marty are the fucking best. I've seen a video of you playing a guitar. I love music too. I sing and Marty sang like by Shannon Knoll. That's one of the good songs. You and Marty really great voices. So I'll hope I'll hear from you and Marys, you and Marty soon. So keep up the good work and I'm sorry I put my phone number is when I'm not from Hailey and she's drawn a picture that's a girl. She lives in Melbourne so she'll be in lockdown now. Shout out to Melbourne. Hailey's thank you so much. I can't believe that you think we're cool. So she's drawn a little picture of herself and then me and Michael on either side of her and Michael is obviously the fucking stick shit little fucking thing with a long fucking letter. So thank you for that Hailey. You got a love heart next to you too. Remember that letter that I got that one week? I'm pretty sure it's from the same person. Oh yeah. And now you've got one too. Thank you Hailey. We'll decode this later alright. We should get a live studio audience in here tomorrow. We should have an animal a Bosley. We should lay Bosley out. He wouldn't stay on the table. No he would never stay on the table. As soon as I put him on here he'd be looking to get off. Should we do a live studio audience for the last episode? Yeah. I'd like that. Something to think about. If you figure it out we just need to hire a space I guess. I know a couple of spaces. You can transport all that when we just hire a you. Oh yeah this would be easy. It'd just be setting it up to go live and record at the same time. You've heard it here first. Matt's gonna do it. If you live in Brisbane and if you listen to this podcast regularly and live in Brisbane and would rock up to a live podcast in. Yeah so it would be a live viewing in the podcast and we're recording it. With a live studio audience comment below because we want to get an idea of what type of people in Brisbane actually would rock up because we don't fucking know if we don't want to set this up and then five people rock up with fucking dead skin and are a shit and fucking Michael's standing there having a fucking smoke and smoke at pubes with a cunt and just Michael has to shit himself and he's farting everywhere. So just let us know if you're from Brisbane just comment below and let us know. Michael loves abrupt noises. Abrupt sounds and fart. Alright for today's prank haul Margaret, remember Margaret? Yeah what's she talk like again? You'll see. Okay. You'll see. She wants to hire a baby sitter for her 14 year old son but he's got a disability. He's got a few issues. What? Oh you will find out. Okay. Yeah. What's the son's name at least? Bront. Bront? What about Bronson from around the twist? Or Bronson from Bronson. Or Bront. If you like Bront you go with whatever you feel. Well that just came into my head so I think that's what his name is. Bront. It's Bront. Yeah no one's they should be like sorry what's that? Bront. Bront. Bront now. That's a name you ask a second time. How do you spell that? BRONTT I wish he said TV. Silent V. We can still do that if you guys want. Yeah just call him like fucking eastern German or some shit. German got to do with it. What's German got to do with it? Has everything. Good day Candy. How are you? Good thank you. How are you? Not too bad thanks. We've just moved to Brisbane North Brisbane. I'm just after some potential daycare. What's the oldest child that you guys have at that daycare? Also before and after school care so our oldest child would be five. Right so I have an 11 year old would that be too old or look at the moment I'm just sort of after I'm a bit desperate. I have some temporary sort of daycare until I can find a more permanent solution. So it would only be I drop him off on a Monday maybe 6.30 so I can go to work. I finish it about midday and then I'll be able to come pick him up and then it sort of fits in and if he socialize as well with the other children and sort of gets on maybe it could be just over the next few weeks he could come in occasionally if there's availability of course can I just given his age I just really need to check if I am able to provide care because we don't provide before and after school care you know it's not, we're a long daycare so we provide care from six weeks. Yeah so he's quite underdeveloped he's quite underdeveloped and quite tiny and intellectually like I said yeah he's quite a few years behind so he can barely sort of talk and stuff like that and he plays fairly well so just bear that in mind as well his age may be higher but intellectually and physically he's actually quite you know quite young still so just bear that in mind Okay, could I would you mind if I take your contact details and can I just check with our proof provider and can I give you a quick call back tomorrow That is no worries at all I won't be able to get on to her this afternoon That's totally fine, look I totally understand busy busy aren't we all Listen, before you Okay, so your contact number is So my number is 0405 Yes 1297 Yes Sorry it's a new number here 0405, 1297 35 and I'm sorry, what was your name again So my name is Margaret Margaret and Margaret your child claim was Bront, B-R-O-N-T Bront Okay, alright I will speak to our proof provider I just want to triple check you know just our legislation and requirements around the age of children because unfortunately sometimes we do have to work in age parameters I totally understand Now listen, before you I will give you a call back in the morning once I'm more confident of what we're able to offer No that's great, listen before you go do you mind just jotting down some notes just you may as well because there are since his special needs he just does have a few requirements so you may as well ask while you're talking to the person making the decision that he is able to be accepted into your day care that just a few things to be wary of so I'll just let you know some of his behaviors and just see if that's okay and if you guys have the facilities to deal with that if you don't mind Okay So like I mentioned he's quite small and he's heavily autistic it's quite a deep autism straight down to the brainstem and he sort of he'll sit in the corner and rock rock around and while he's rocking he prefers not to be touched so not on the head anyway so if any of the other children sort of you know one to two close to him he may lash out he's done it twice I'm not saying that it's guaranteed but I'm saying that he may he may lash out if the children get too close so he rocks backwards and forwards that's one thing he also urinates quite frequently so he's got a bit of a bladder problem he does wear nappies but he doesn't like them so sometimes if he does wee himself sort of during the day he may rip his nappy off and fling it against the wall yeah he's done that a few times so yeah just a few things to be wary of there and one last thing he doesn't really like sharing food or toys so if he's playing with food or playing with toys it's best to leave him be he can be quite bitey I've seen him bite a few times when I've gone to clear the plate from under his little face so yeah just I thought that would be worth mentioning just in case he gets approved and you know he rocks up on Monday and he's all over the joint and he's just behaving completely inside yeah so worth mentioning thank you I've got those notes down and then I will give you a call back tomorrow morning that sounds great so I'll wait to hear from you tomorrow morning do you know roughly what time you'll be calling? um no I'm not sure it will just depend when I'm able to speak with her okay clear so I'll be at work when I am till about 11 but after that I should be able to answer my phone thank you bye no worries thank you bye oh Margaret is such a bitch fucking Margaret man oh oh my god fucking Margaret dude oh Margaret is a selfish cow wow I hate her hey like she is such selfish selfish woman isn't she you have to sit through it no she is quite selfish yeah oh man she yeah fucking just flips her switch doesn't she she doesn't know how to regulate the volume of her voice man that's what it is yeah okay fuck she took that well that lady she got a bit put off at the end though hahaha no anyway that is the end of our episode number 16 um don't forget to um you know basically just be nice to everyone and um yeah just put your seatbelts on when you're driving actually there have been occasions when people have wore seatbelts and died because of wearing the seatbelt all right seatbelts optional all right where the best where the best where the best and best where the best where the best right by the nuts where the best can't