 hey what's up you guys welcome back to my channel if you're new here hi hello i'm lydia and if you are new here make sure you hit the subscribe button join the growing family it means a lot to me every single one of you me in the world to me and i really want to hit 10k by the end of the year so by subscribing you'll only support me you're raising awareness mental health today i'm talking about when i knew recovery was when did i discover that my only options would give me all to recovery i started my recovery journey over 10 years ago and it haven't been an easy riot my 20s honestly up until i was 24 it was suicide attempt after suicide attempt after suicide attempt i just wasn't well and i genuinely thought the way out of it was to commit suicide so when did i discover that i needed to focus on recovering i discovered that i needed recovery around when i was midway through my first section three when i was in the pride ring and the reason it was then was because i was on one to one after a suicide attempt all my leave had been taken off main my room was strapped i have my stuffed unicorn my tiny phone charger my laptop i want a water bottle but they have to let you have water so yeah it was then i realized i needed to recover and why why then why did it hit me then i think it hit me then it was because i knew i was gonna end up dead if i didn't try and pull myself out of the depression that i was in now before you all say you can't be bipolar and have depression i'm diagnosed with both bipolar and depressive disorder so take it upon myself quite trust the deep depression that i was in was killing me sooner or later one of my attempts on my life was gonna work because they was getting more and more serious but what hit me the most was how much i love my family now i didn't see my family very often when i was in hospital for a year because i was in tight haste which i'll put a map on screen and where tight haste is and my family were in telford which is a big distance to travel i'll put it on a map so you can see i realized that i needed to recover because like i said i was gonna end up dead and i really didn't want to put my family through that probably around my 24th birthday actually because i saw my family for my birthday i don't really know what to say it was gonna hit me hard i was over medicated in that hospital admission so i had a hard the best memory of it about around my 24th birthday was when i realized i needed to commit to recovering because i didn't want my family losing someone to suicide because losing people to suicide is never easy i've lost three people to suicide in my life and honestly it's i think it's something you can never get over if my phone doesn't stop growing up i'm gonna scream i just posted a tweet saying i have a special interest and it's ducks i think i've already said that i'm on here that my special interest is ducks i had a duck advent calendar i've got a duck wall calendar now i have a duck airpod case the last page in my scramp book is ducks my mom bought me rubber ducks for christmas ducks are my special interest off the subject of the video so recovery really did become important to me and that's when i stopped trying to kill myself and i started to have want ones of staff i tried to get out my room more i played chess with staff so why choose recovery do it for yourself feel loved ones do it so you can live the life that you want to live there's more to life than mental illness giving mental illness just take up a lot of time in my life but it by no means is my life honestly all i can say is you have to want to find for yourself given i have had relapses i ended up in hospital twice last year honestly it hasn't set me back i'm genuinely happy now i see my family fairly regularly i see them on birthdays and then christmas i spend like two weeks with them my birthday i spend a week with them so i do this chair but honestly recovery is so worth it thanks for watching this video and if you're new likes it start subscribe join the growing family help support my channel my patreon is linked in the description down below if you want bonus videos all videos that you do well on me post you think i could post pretty much anything i want about my journey but apparently i can't i can talk about drugs i can talk about alcohol i can talk about self harm i can talk about suicide i can't talk about eating disorders so there's that which isn't great yeah if you're new subscribe join the growing family and that i will see you in my next video peace