 Listen, it's the message right here. Black boy tell me how you really feel. Cause I just wanna build with you. Black girl tell me how you really feel. I wanna keep it real with you. I wanna live better, eat better. I wanna love better, sleep better. Yeah, I wanna feel so aligned. I can't speak or think for other black women, but I feel like that's what irritates me in my dating life now with black men. Like when they try to do that whole macho, like tell me what to do thing, like I want you to be a little bit more agreeable, not necessarily like passive to where I'm dictating everything. But I like it when it's just like, oh, can you do this? And it's like, okay, rather than what you, that's what you're supposed to do. Like that's annoying. Well, it's two things that I encourage women to be as empathetic as they want us to be. Number one, like I said, throughout history, black masculinity has systemically been challenged. And the fact that our community now is a matriarchy, most of our leaders in the home are women. So the image that's popular is the woman being in charge. But on top of that as well, these traits, these endearing nice traits that we're talking about we wish men had, women are not selecting for those traits. They're not selecting for those traits sexually. They're not selecting for those traits, as far as a time investment standpoint. But what they tend to do is that dude who's actually a good friend, good dude, good solid person, you've got him saved in your phone as the food guy because he doesn't excite you. Because he doesn't give you that spark. And then the dude that could give a fuck, that's the dude you want to give your attention to. So it's like a catch 22, like the same guy I referenced before, Dr. Warren Farrell, he said that Lois Lane did not want Clark Kent. She said Clark Kent was too soft, he was too emotional, he was too passive, he was too agreeable. But she was in love with Superman. And when she finally got Superman, she wanted him to be more like Clark Kent. But why can't there be a balance of both? Why can't there be a balance? Like, why can't there be somebody who's agreeable but like still initiates exciting trips? Who still thinks in my current dating world, I was kind of getting aggravated because this is gonna sound bad. But I would hate when I would tell a guy like, oh, I really want flowers. And he would only just get me flowers. I know, I know that sounds bad. I know exactly how it sounds. But in my mind and in my thinking, it's like I don't want to just tell you exactly what to do. I'm not trying to mother you. I would like the flowers. I'm not saying the flowers is what's wrong, but it's why couldn't you get me flowers and chocolate? Why couldn't you just go the extra mile to think outside the box rather than just fall in in my exact footsteps of what I'm telling you that I like? Because there was this one dude that I dated at one point and I would have conversations with him and not saying that I wanted him to do certain things. It would just be sitting in the car having conversations about God knows what and I would mention like, yeah, it's been a while since I read a book. I really just miss reading books. And the next day or within the next few weeks, I would get a good book on my table along with some candles or something you just put me in a mood. That was great. It was not only the fact that you're listening to me, but like you are trying to encourage that behavior not just getting me what I tell you I want. Women vote with their attention and with their vaginas. So going to natural selection, women have voted that height is something worth selecting for. I want tall offspring. So if you're a tall man, you're gonna mate faster than if you're a shorter guy. Cool. The problem tends to be that the things that women claim to want and the things that they're selecting for are two different things. I claim to want that guy who's attentive and who's gonna fill my desk up with flowers because three and a half months ago some random conversation I mentioned it. I claim to want that guy. That guy might look like Steve Urkel. But I don't want Steve Urkel. I want the quarterback of the football team. I want the CEO of this company. I want Christian Gray. I mean, you still have to be attractive. I understand that, but my point is and I say this all the time, men love more authentically than women because women are in love with an idea of a man, not a man. Women want the CEO who's running a multi-million dollar company but has time to remember all my birthdays and is at every single dance recital and that's two different dudes. And unfortunately, what we ask of our black men is to be supermen because it doesn't matter what we do, it's never good enough. And you claim to love us. That's why a lot of these black men are upset because you have black men who've turned their lives around, changed this about themselves, changed that about themselves to make a woman happy and she ends up still not being happy and still not even giving him the benefit of it's the thought that counts. Because in your head, you're only thinking about how hard it is to be a woman. It is incredibly difficult to be a man and there's not enough appreciation for what it means because the whole time, you feel like you have it figured out better than we do. Why can't I be both? Why can't you be the dude who wears a Nike suit a Monday and then you wear a suit suit on Tuesday? It's ridiculous. It is actually, it exists, it exists, right? But it's ridiculous. And the thing, the other thing that women should understand is that dude that exists, what percentage of the population is he? I don't know. I think it should be- He's a very small percentage. I think it should be bigger. I think that dude is just a dude with range. No, no, no, but before all that, he has to be heterosexual. He has to be six foot tall. He has to be attractive. He has to be in good shape and you're selecting, selecting, selecting, selecting. So you have every woman wanting one dude. And then that one dude that a hundred women want, each of them want him to be faithful to her. It's narcissistic. So instead of that, right? Instead of going after Superman, why don't you look across from you to the dudes you're actually qualified for who are ready to be everything to you, but you don't want him. You don't want that dude. You want this dude to become that dude. So then with that logic, that girl that has all the qualities that a man wants and different men want her, should she also feel, I guess, open to spreading herself then or like between all of them? Men are not hypergamous. Cause you're describing hypergamy, but with men, men are not hypergamous. No, I'm not saying like, necessarily like, oh, she has like eight six or eight figures or whatever, or six figures, whatever, however they say it. But I'm saying like- Well, any of the things, she's a great cook, whatever the case may be, men are not hypergamous. So they just want anything? Yes. And that's the truth that a lot of women don't want to wrap their heads around. A friend of mine gave a good analogy. If you're at a Tray Songs concert and it's a woman at a Tray Songs concert and there are a bunch of handsome dudes around her, dudes who might even be more handsome to Tray Songs. He said that she does not see any of them. The only man she sees is Tray Songs. So then my question to you- Go on the flip side. If you're a heterosexual man at a Beyonce concert, you're thinking about, how can I maximize and get as many numbers as I can around me? Not about the risk much. My freedom for Beyonce? I want numbers. But a woman is willing to risk her freedom to get to the king. So my question to you would be, why should women be excited to get married? Safety. Where's the safety? Well, safety in that you are based on the things that society values, you are a depreciating asset. You are inherently a depreciating asset because society values women for their beauty and their fertility. As you age, which is a process that's inevitable, you lose those things. So if you can get a man to lock you in, it doesn't matter that you're losing it. You're still gonna be protected and provided for which are the two things women want. Versus a man, men are appreciating assets. A man reaches his peak earning potential, which is what society values in men, not handsomeness at 45 years old. So a man can really say that, and we don't have the same constraints of biology, we can really say that. I'm gonna just wait to have kids till I'm 45 because when I'm 45, I'm at the top of the mountain. I could select the kind and caliber of woman that I want. But you can't say Halle Berry has more options now than she did when she was 20. She's got more money now. She's got more fame now. 20-year-old Halle Berry was. So yeah. But at that point, are we really that concerned with having options? Like, we're good if we can get just one guy on either. You know what I'm trying to say? If we are going into marriage and we're going with a mindset that we're depreciating and eventually he's gonna see our depreciation and want the newest, hottest things and I just have to settle or be okay with that, what incentivizes me to want to even be in that world? Like I could just be the single girl who makes her money and I can do what I want with it. I can have my one night stand if I want to. Because statistically speaking, and a lot of women don't like to look at statistics, but statistically speaking, those women are miserable. And also statistically speaking, most men aren't ending marriages. So regardless of the fact that you're getting fat, regardless of the fact that you're not as attractive as you were when you were 20, he's still, especially if you're a good woman, he's still locked in. He's still staying, but he's not being faithful. He's not. No, no, the good men, again, I'm talking about the good men, they're gonna be faithful. And that's why I encourage men to get things out of their system while they're young. So then they can prioritize traits that are more, because when you get to a certain age, like the girl being fine is not even a thing anymore. It's about, okay, I'm looking to build legacy. I'm looking, your face ain't gonna help me build legacy. So I'm talking about like real actual men who prioritize the correct things. Women, unfortunately, are planning for future while claiming to want Russell Wilson. Russell Wilson isn't gonna divorce you because you got old future will, but that's the guy you want. So it's like you're penalizing the good men based on what the bad men that you actually want would likely do. And that's the issue. And that's why this conversation is so important because there's a lot of cognitive dissonance between what our women are saying to us and what our women are doing. And there's zero accountability because they did it for a reason and this and that. And what ends up happening is you have a whole bunch of broken men who threw their lives away, ended up in prison, ended up doing things that they wouldn't wanna do just to get female attention. And the female ends up choosing somebody else. Or now our women as a whole are saying we want white men because they are softer or whatever the case may be. When you didn't even let your black men be solved. But you guys have been saying you want Latinas and white girls for forever. I mean, I think now with that whole we want white men, it's just we're tired of giving effort into people who are not even in the valley was. And some of the black men who are saying they want Latinas is because we're tired of being inherently disrespected by women. And for some reason, the white women and the Latinas tend to be more agreeable. Then think so? Because- And that's the idea. That's the idea because for a lot and what we don't talk about sometimes is like a white, a black dude says something about black women we don't like and the first thing a lot of people say was, well, your mama black. Not realizing that a big part of the reason a lot of black men or some black men don't like black women is because of their mom. It's because of the trauma they suffered at the hands of their mom. Watch Ayala fix my life. There's a movie with Bill Bellamy in it. The reason he was dating white women is because his mom saw his dead beat dad in him. And since he was a kid, always treated him with disdain. So that was the establishment of his idea of black women. Aggressive, angry and obnoxious. So like the empathy cannot be one sided. But those are the traits that you value in the Latinas. Or I've heard a lot of black men be okay with. They're like, oh, she's a crazy Latino. She gon' do this, you gon' do that. But it's like the minute a black girl does half of those stuff, she becomes that black girl. Well, the other piece too is that there's a certain amount of social equity because the other piece of why men go into relationship with a woman, the reason we value beauty so high is because it's part of our social status. If you show up with a bad girl, you dad do for all intents and purposes to do that. But then I'm saying that black girls are not as beautiful as the rest of them. I do not believe that society does. So that's why I said social equity. Because even these high school boys I was talking to, for some reason they also understand that for all intents and purposes, if you show up to the event with the light-skinned girl, even if the dark-skinned girl objectively looks better, you have more social equity with the light-skinned girl. So it's like, okay, two girls, right? The black girl could even look better. According to me, black girls are always gonna look better. They both have bad attitudes. But the light-skinned one is gonna give me more social capital. I'm going with the light-skinned one. Because at least I can gain. This one is all attitude and nothing else. This one is attitude but social. Make sense. So again, the point of this series is so we can understand each other a little bit better. Because men are suffering. There's a reason the male suicide rate is higher than, significantly higher than the female suicide rate. Black men included. There's a reason the number one killer of black men between 25 and I think 45 is homicide. Homicide. And a lot of the things that pushed these men into the lives that lead them to homicide is our women and their expectations of us. They're pseudo-masculine, superman, buckhorn expectations of us. But we do not give them any empathy. And we wonder why our boys are struggling. You'll hear dudes that talk about, I didn't become a shitty dude because my dad wasn't around. I became a shitty dude by observing the men that my mom brought over. But women tend to say she was doing the best she could as a mother. Women are powerful. If we're gonna believe women are powerful, we need to start acting like that. And they need to have all the responsibility and all the ownership that comes with power.