 Don't hold babies by their feet, especially if you don't even know them. Are we live, Matt? We are. And remember, no swearing for the first few minutes. Have we sworn yet? Oh, it's so it was close. I can feel it. What are we going to say? The F word? No, not for three minutes. But it's so hard not to now. I'll give you the thumbs up when it's good to go. Which F word? It rhymes with duck. I said duck. You duck, you idiot. That's they're going to. I reckon they'll know they'll still be upset. No, they don't work. All right, duck. I've said no thirty one. My mark for actually come straight out of Michael's basement here in Hotel LA. Right. The Australian Australian episode for you today. We've got Australians on board. We're going to Australia. We're going to talk about questions you guys have. We're going to explain some shit. My mask is funny. Some new story was to say to us. We've got dire entries. We've got all sorts of shit coming your way straight out of Australia. We've got some letters to the P.O. On box and we have some big fucking news. Oh, man. Wait, before we get to the big news, I'm pretty fucking sure that these are the coda, dude. So the coda guy, Michael, thinks to send us three separate letters. And if that's the case, this P.O. Box is going to be so shit. But we'll see. Send us some more shit, guys. We're getting a bit dry on the fucking. There's our P.O. Box. Now, the big news. Yeah, sorry, dude. You might think, what the fuck? They're dressed weirder than they usually are. First of all, you should see, Matt. And second of all, there's a reason why we're wearing these elegant clothes. We just had our first little photo shoot for our only fans. Is a cat on the back, boys. There's a cat on the back. So now we're going to put these photos and like we tried to make it like quite artistic. So there's like hidden metaphors in there. Yeah, and we're happy with it. You know, it was like 10, 11 hours of work. We even paid a professional photographer to come. That it's pretty good. It was good. Yeah, we had to hire a whole space and then they sort of did it up to make it look like a look like my room. Yeah. And like, yeah, the end result is pretty crazy. Like we we went all out. We spent like what, eight K on these? Was that a squirt? Was it, Matthew? Was it me? Excuse me, my ears don't lie to me. I heard it come from your direction. My left headphone said. Anyway, so that's going to be the only fan. It got approved. The only fans is approved. So now we'll put the only fans link in the description of our YouTube video. OK, so if you want to have a look, we're going to make it free. You just sign up and you can have a look at the photos. All right, they're there. Finally, I don't know if we'll put the link in the Instagram yet just because we're a bit scared of it getting like because Instagram hates only fans. Is that still on? Are you talking about the tennis later? Something else. Yeah, Instagram hates only fans. So we're just going to put in the description of the YouTube to begin with. So Marty, Michael, for the actual episode number 31, it'll be titled something about only fans. Yeah, other than that, look, we had a little meet and greet last week, didn't we? Hey, yeah, it was very nice. Very lovely. So yeah, we went to New Farm Park. You know that charity raffle we did? Yes, I do. Well, we we live streamed on Facebook, not on our page, on their page, us picking the winner and the funniest fucking thing happened. They were there. Oh, dude, you don't know yet. Oh, yeah, this is this is so fucking awful. There's this is like a regulator comes. So like there's someone who oversees everything to make sure we're not cheating. Like sort of like a, you know, it's a big deal. They're important people. I mean, like they're like governors, a raffle regulator. Yeah, yeah, literally a charity raffle regulator. A judge. If there's like a large amount of money involved. Commission, they're going to be there. Anyway, so we told people on Instagram, like, oh, we're going to be in New Farm Park from one PM doing this live stream of thing. We had some fucking fans rocker. It was very lovely, lovely to meet you all. It was some fucking legends amongst the ranks. I'll fucking tell you, brother. There's a horror vamp from YouTube. She said she was there. She was really happy to meet you. Horror vamp. I don't know what her actual name is, but I think she's under horror vamp. And there you go. The UOM group. Maybe both. Yeah. I don't know. I saw a comment today. She said she was psyched when she met you. Yeah, but there's some fucking good dudes there and chicks. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, yeah, so started fucking. So as we were throwing all these names in of all the people who have bought raffle tickets, so there's like thousands. So I just pick up a stack. You know, we jokingly like read the top, the top of the fucking the first name. Like, oh, good luck, bloody Amanda Bailey, whatever. And then put the whole bundle of names in, pick up another bundle. Good luck, Ben Johnson, put the whole bundle in. Anyway, I kept doing that. Then the very last bundle I had, the pick up the name. Should we change his name? No. I want everyone to know who he is. OK, Riley, I was like, Riley Flynn, dude, don't worry, I'm going to make sure you win this and then throw his bundle in. And then the chick starts twirling the fucking raffle thing. Well, names gone fucking everywhere. And then she pulls name out and it's fucking Riley Flynn. Holy shit. Dude, it was so awful. And that fucking charity goes like, oh, no, you guys know him. Oh, do you guys know him? Like freaking out thinking that we knew who this guy was. It was just like a sarcastic call that just went right. But yeah, fucking Riley one. And then freaked out for a bit, but then it was OK. Like, oh, it's still fair, because we don't know who Riley Flynn is. We tried to call him, he didn't answer. But he wins. So congrats, you cut on the back, Riley. Hey, could you explain something for me? And I'm sure other people want to know. I noticed whenever. Oh, shit, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, sponsor. Whoa, whoa, whoa, yeah, they're coming. It's coming. It's fucking coming. Fuck. And they can fucking wait. I thought you said we had to try and get to it in the first like five minutes. Fuck the fucking fuck the sponsors. If you're watching sponsors, you fucking sit down and you wait. On with the story, Matt. Even out. Yes. OK. So I want to know there's a every time there's a competition or a raffle or something along those lines that's done on Instagram. I've noticed it with yours and many others. There seems to be this parade of scammers that come through fake accounts. Is that around? Is that always? Yeah, they are making that they're making it's impossible for us to block them all. I went through one day and blocked like 20 to 30 Facebook pages. Sam on Instagram and they just keep popping up. So if unless we've you've heard it from our mouth, don't fucking believe it's us. Don't ever put your credit card details in somewhere weird. All right, because it is a fucking scammer and they are very good, very good, my friend. Sometimes I even thought it was us and signed up. I have. So they got me and they're like pretending to be me. So just watch out, man. They've got fucking I've been just transferring money from back and forth in my own accounts, scaring himself and shit. He has to pay tax on that every time. Yeah, there's a different banks. Anyway, we also fucking that was fun. The rap and then we went out lunch with the fans that rocked out was lovely. It's just a simply stunning. Let me tell you, yeah, it was wonderful. Absolutely wonderful, wasn't it? And then what else happened? Not much last week. We filmed our little tits off. We're fucking what do we get out? What do we got out of the way? So the weekend. Yeah, nothing really. You went. Oh, you went jet skiing with fucking cutting wake. So wake, wake, wake surfboarding, surfboarding. Yeah, it's like when you're not surfing, strapped in, it's like a board board. Very fun. Have you done that, Matt? Yeah, but I'm not very good at it. I'm a bit dangly. Fucking recommend me. So I reckon you'd get it. Yeah, you had good motivation, though. I saw a video of Jackson screaming at you. So I felt like if I had Jackson yelling at me, I think I'd get it done. Yeah, it was good. But yeah. And what else happened? We're fucking the reach restrictions gone in five weeks. It's pretty cool. Yeah, wow. Is that on Facebook? I can't believe it's been a year almost. I know, it's fucking nice. It's gone so fast. Fuck me, I can't wait for that to fuck. And I hope it just fucks off on exactly 365 days and not like a few weeks after. So some of the Facebook people have told me it could still be a few weeks after. Oh, yeah. That's so shit. Surely, surely they'll fuck off or at least surely now we can contact them and be like, hey, look, it's been a year you said a year, bitch. I'll say that. Yeah, with venom in my voice. Anyway, this this sponsor, this sponsor is podcasted by Manscaped. All right, if you need your male grooming products, if you need, if you need ball deodorant, shavers like that, this is what we use now. All right, they're pretty fucking good. Go to manscape.com and use our discount code fully actual 20 for 20 percent off everything. You're basically saving. It's stupid not to spend money because you're saving it. Yeah, it's a bargain. 100 percent, man. Man, our sales skills have picked up. I'm too high. He's had too much and also, of course, our fucking subscription website. All right, the University of Michael. Last week's episode was 45 minutes long. And it's got like bits of the behind the scenes for a van photo shoot because we're going to get it wrapped in some sick fucking pictures. I'm going to skull this. And then I'm going to see if I can do the sickest burp possible. All right, I'm OK with that. It's a 1.25 litre bottle for those who don't can't see this thing. All right, here we go. He's exhaling now. He's looking down the barrel of the bottle. He's paused. He's clenching his throat. Swallowed, right? He's getting ready now. And now he's mentally repaired. And he's beginning. He's drinking. Seems pretty easy so far. The bottle is tilting up slowly. Eyes are looking around like it's nothing. It's casual. Still quite a slow pace. I think maybe he's had maybe I wouldn't even say a fifth of the bottle. Oh, he looks a bit panicked now. Now that I've said that. Yeah, there's a bit of panic in his eyes. The same casualness he had before is now completely stripped. He's moving around, he's grimacing in pain. It looks like he's really struggling now. He's sort of writhing around. It's fucking disgusting. He stopped. He stopped. He couldn't get it all down. Here we go. So, yeah, that's fucking going down with it, man. Everything's been going crazy and shit. Oh, yeah, 45 minute episodes of the pod to the subscription website. And I forget what we did, but it was pretty crazy. So you can go and see all of there's like 170 videos. Some of them like, yeah, like I said, 45 minutes long, you sit down and you watch them all in 21 days during the free trial. You unsubscribe, you're not going to lose. Matthew Brown is sitting in a sequence dress and a man blonde wig. It's like a little mullet. Can we show you, Matt, or you want to be on camera? No, you have to see it at the only thing. OK, yeah, that's true. But it's free. Why don't I bounce in and bounce out really quickly? You could do that, too, yeah. Because the photos, yeah, they're quite spectacular. They're really well taken. They're wonderful. Yeah, like really, really professional. So a picture of these, but really professional. See, little slut. That was double trouble. All right. That brings us to this week's diary entries, everybody. I feel sick too much liquid. Diary entry number 138 from Michael Corey Brookhouse. Today, I want to try and write a poem. Be be just look at me. I be be just wait and see if you can be just a little more be. Watch me pee. Watch me pee. That took me six hours and I didn't really like it. At least now I can rule out that I don't want to be a poet. I tried and I didn't like it much. You got to try more shit. That's a life motto I've always said. Try more shit. It wasn't bad, Paul. I actually did write a poem like that about a friend when I was in late primary school. Holy shit. Diary entry number 107 from Marty. Today, I found a dead bird. I had never had a pet before and I named the bird cryptus. I took cryptus with me everywhere and we did everything together. I got so close that I even told cryptus some of my secrets. He started to smell really bad, but I got used to it. Cryptus slowly fell to pieces over the next two weeks. But I think I know what being loved feels like now. It was a pretty good day. That is such a good day. I want to see a picture of cryptus. Well, I didn't take any photos of him and he's gone now. So it's not fucking talk about it anymore. Fucking cryptus. That's like almost as good as we're quiffed in. Fuck. We've all got. We've all got demons. We've all got demons in us. Cryptus helped me through mine. I can just having him for two weeks added like six years of life to me. I was in a bad way, man. But I listened. Was the only one who ever listened to me. Fucking cryptus. How do you spell it? C-R-I-P-T-U-S. OK. Cryptus. Cryptus. It's actually sort of. It's like a cool name. It's kind of sexy. Yeah. I like it. Cryptus, the stripper. Dieringer number 69 from Julien James, Tennis and Woods, 40, 62. I thought from Ash Grove. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was down at the. I was down at the abortion clinic with my cousin. And this fucking nerd doctor kept trying to talk to me about safe sex. So I told him I'd rather have a few kids running around and we're dumb. Child support is fuck all when you're on send link. Ha, ha, yeah. Stab, stab. Also, I do a mad portrait of Cursa. Took me like three months in shit. I'm never showing, but it's just hanging up in my bedroom. Stab, stab, push, fence, fence, stab. I got twisted barbed, barbed, twisted. OK, that was good. That was good. It's good. You know, Julien does hate safe sex. Bop it with a passion. Have you have you played those little machines? Bop it, twist it. I think that's what he's talking about. Such good memories. I never really played that game much. Really? I wonder if they still have them. That's. My site flashback for a second. I had a flashback. Oh, my fucking god. I had a flashback. Diary entry number one thousand and seventy five. Why is there people? Oh, OK. Oh, fuck, dude. Oh, my god. I've even forgot what we said. He's screaming. It's so good. It's so good. Michael, I was just noises. Fucking noises. OK, OK. All right, here we go. You ready, Matt, for your diary entry? Oh, he's taking his slutty skirt off. Oh, man. Diary entry number one thousand and seventy five from Matthew Gregory Brown. I had managed to slither my way through an outside vent and even squeeze my body through gaps no wider than a magazine by relaxing my body so intensely that I became somewhat of a brown liquid. I would then pass through the gap and begin to solidify again. I even made it through a spinning ventilation fan by changing my form into a brown gas and got blown into an opening in the ceiling right above the female toilets at the park. Once I had solidified again, I struggled to contain my excitement. My entire body was trembling and I kept humming the song Fireworks by Katy Perry very loudly. I let my mind relax and controlled my breathing. I'd finally accomplished one of my dreams and it was time to get my reward. After a few more minutes, the door finally swung open and a lady walked in. She had a limp and she was morbidly obese. She looked about 60 years old. My little brown wasn't showing much interest. She limped to the closest toilet stall and peeled her tight shorts down. As soon as her huge ass touched the toilet seat, a high pressure stream of thick tar exploded from her. It sounded like mud being shot into a brick wall. I knew I was in trouble when I saw steam from her holes rising up towards me and I braced for impact. The steam slapped into my face and the heat was unbearable. Hearing my skin sizzle was the last thing I heard as the fumes rendered me unconscious and I fell. When I came to I was lying on my back and my pants were down. I had second degree burns to my face and neck and my brown mince was slopped on my legs and chest. My little brown was also covered in blisters and burns, but seemed strangely satisfied. I looked to my left and saw there was a small trail of my mints going out the door. I shot up, pulled my pants up and followed the trail. It led outside and as I looked up, I saw it lead to a table in the distance and there sitting, looking, looking over at me was the foul beast. I had just watched spray her steaming hot sludge into the toilet. Our eyes met in fear ran through my body. She looked over at me and I saw her scoop more of my mints out of her gash and slapping on the table in front of her. The trail of mints was coming from her slit. I realized then that she had had me. She had had me. I panicked and started bounding backwards. I did not dare take my eyes off of the creature and I bounded backwards all the way back to my ute, then I reversed home. I could not believe what had just happened. Fuck. Matt got fucked, can't. Right, you got fucked there for sure. No, he he fucked her. No, I think he fell down and he came to and she had fucking fucked him while he's unconscious. Oh, my God, dude. That was very good. I think it's up for interpretation. So you. Yeah, well, OK, fucking out. It took me on an adventure in my mind. Yeah, it really paints a vivid picture. Thank you, Matthew. Steam rising from her holes. You. So what else we got on today? We've got questions, we got we got some box letters, we got prank haul at the end, and we got Matt's got a funny news, and we've got to try and explain some more shit, man, because we I think we explained some shit pretty well last week. All right, we're going to run into the questions now. By the way, keep the questions and shit coming, the explaining shit was fun, keep that shit coming man. If you want us to answer your fucking questions, comment your question on the YouTube channel and then the ones with the most likes we try and answer first when we work our way down and get through a couple, okay? Keep asking the questions if you want us to answer it, we'll get there eventually I promise and have a look through and see which other questions you like and give them a like because then they'll go up higher and we'll think, oh people want us to answer that question and so on and so forth. If you can't afford to sign up to the website, that's fine, but all we ask, I'm not going to do it. Yeah, fuck it. I'm not going to say it. I'm not going to be like PewDiePie in that. I'm not going to have a call to action. Just do it from the heart. Is that what he called it? Mm, that's what the YouTube industry called it. You should always have a call to action. Shut up. If people love you, but it does work. That's just because it works. Should we do it? No. No. Look, the options are there. Everyone, if you want to, if you like the video, well, you know what to do. If you liked it enough. And if you want to comment, you can comment. And if you see the subscribe button, but only if you feel like it, definitely not in any way, shape or form, trying to pressure you guys to do anything you don't want to do. Yeah, if you can't be fucked, you can't be fucked. Yeah, just enjoy it. If you're fucking sprawled across your bed and the speakers fucking down on the floor or something, just stay in bed. Don't worry about it. I don't want to. It's probably dangerous if you're in the car to do it. Yeah, but in fact, yeah, just don't do it. Don't do it. OK. Well, if you want, if you want to, yeah, that's all we're saying. You have the choice. Can we move on? I'm good. Bring on the questions, my brown. All right. Top question came from Noah and he changed his name on YouTube because I am shithouse at pronouncing his last name. And I think I'm still struggling with it. So it's from Noah Yashik. Yashik. Yahr's hack. I'm going to go Yahr's hack. All right. Top question. Can you boys tell the story about the time you all got pulled over and had drugs in your car? Marty had cocaine. Michael had weed in your pockets. Episode 27, season two, you mentioned this, but you didn't explain the whole story and said there's more to the story. That was a very wild and horrible time of our lives. Very, very crazy, unpredictable times of our life. And eventually when I get around to writing the book, you'll all fucking know. But yeah, there's we can't really talk about it. It is illegal. There is a little bit more of that story. And I think I remember how we talked about it. But yeah, basically, we just got pulled over like a couple of bags on us. And the car was flagged already because Michael had fucking been caught with weed. And so they pulled us over and they're like straight away like, is there anything in the car that shouldn't be? Yeah, they were testing us. And I had the I was hiding them. So in hiding the bag like on my in my under my pants, but I wasn't wearing any underwear. So the bag was just sitting on my dick. So if they told me to get out of the car, I just would have fallen straight out. Gorski's calm. But they're like, all right, then breathalysers and then off we fucking won't count. And it was very scary. Michael had to hear the weed in his hand. He just started crushing it on the floor because the floor was so dirty with bottles. It hit it immediately. And that is where we have dirty cars. Yeah, exactly. There's no one who wants to go through that shit. Yeah, true. But the van's clean. Yeah, the van is we are respecting the van for now. Yeah, for now. That's like a couple of weeks. All right, next question is from Rafael, a question for the podcast. Why is Michael always accepting or submissive when Marty is cheating while they hurt each other? You always accept that you take it. You did a fluffy puffy little fluffy. Well, why? I guess I'm just going to be fucked a lot of the time. I've worn him down. Yeah, you just get used to it. I've worn him right down like the amount of cheating. Holy shit. But yeah, I don't know. Yeah, and it's just it's fucking. Because Michael does try and stop me from cheating. But if I can find a way to cheat without him knowing, it's always it's just it's just funny. And I've found a way around these little. The little rules, you know, so it's just it's just a funny thing that happens sometimes. And yeah, I think it's just funny. And when Michael gets hurt to run away, it's just his reaction is just funny. He took a whole chunk out of you. Two hundred and fifty gel blaster bullets. Yeah, I just I did because in our website, we asked them. We said who wins like we had a game in our recent website video. And we asked the audience, who do you think won? And we put a poll up. They voted for Michael. So as punishment, I had to take a fucking whole fucking thing of fucking gel boxes, stomach and shit. But the point is it wasn't funny. But that he would have had to like fully just channeled the pain. It's almost almost so long. It was like 15 seconds at least, probably longer of him just spinning around, taking like shot after shot machine gun. Would have hurt. He didn't even react. That's fucked up, Matt. Sorry, I feel that way, man. Can you do it? Yeah. Can we do it to you? A whole clip of gel blaster. It's like five hundred bullets, but we filled it up halfway. It might take up some time, maybe later. Yeah, OK. So are you OK? I don't know, man. Next one. Next is from no anymore. Clissa Adams. If you guys could choose your own stage names, what would they be? Like what do you mean? Like if we're all performers. Yeah, if you're a performer, so, you know, you might not be Mardi, you might be something else. People in performing stand up or actors usually change their names. Sink from the kitchen. Sink from the kitchen. Sink from the kitchen. That's what your name would be, I imagine that. Hearing that come out. And I don't know. Oh, geez. How do you bloody top that? Sink from the kitchen. Maybe, um, Garter. Garter, that's pretty good. Garter, Garter. It's like Gandhi's brother, Garter. Is that a word, Garter? It is now, dude. Yeah, there's not a piece of like women's clothing, a garter. Or I could be like a garter, like a guard things. Oh, God, a garter. Oh, my God, next one. I guard for you, man. Next one. And then the sink with the kitchen comes on. I guard it, I'm guarding the sink. He's dressed like a kitchen sink and he's running around in the kitchen. It's always a clean sink. And I'm at the front of the stage, guarding him. No one can wash their dishes. No one can watch. Everyone has to turn around face the other way, too. No one in the audience can watch. Garter, what would that be? That would be the stage. Yeah, it's like a concrete stage. Yeah, the concrete stage, Matthew. The cut to Matt is, that's who Matt is. We'd have to like perform on him. Next question is from my noose is loose. Oh, sorry. This is the guy who asked about the timers for your fuck. Oh, yeah, that's a good idea, by the way. So he asked, can we have a timer for Marty's farts and each season have a season high for longest farts? Dude, that's such a good idea. I've got it here, Eddie. Michael's got a timer. We might mix it in with Conor, though. Yeah, we might see if, fuck, I don't know how to use it, though. God damn it, technology. Next question. Oh, shit, I've got who I was and I removed already. But if you boys could learn another language besides German, what would it be? It's ready to go. I'd probably learn. You sort of torn between practicality and like the way it's like it sounds. Hey, maybe like. Fucking hell, man. Some crazy weird language. What does he speak? Big Latin. Maybe a bit of Pig Latin could be cool and press press Julian's friends or maybe. Maybe like Moroccan. What are they doing, Morocco? Oh, fuck, we're going to have to cut that. Just so you're insulting them. I'm insulting the Moroccans. Surely that's how they talk because of the sound of the name. It sounds like someone who speaks like this, named the country. Oh, yeah, it's fine. Oh, shit. That's fine. Connor, I'm going to leave that one up to you. OK, if you think people of Moroccans will be offended, you cut that all of this. But if you think it's all right, you leave everything in, even this explanation. I don't mean we'll offend the Moroccans, but that's what I think you guys sound like. Oh, my God. What language do they speak in Morocco? I'm fine now. It'd be Spanish or Portuguese. Yeah, well, there you go. Yeah, I think Morocco could be right. No, they speak Arabic all the way off. Oh, dude, we sound like such dumb guys. I had a feeling because it's in that part of Africa that's it's more Arabic. Anyway, so that's what's finished to us. Well, I thought you might be right because it is. It's so close to Spain. Yeah, I thought it was I thought it was one of them languages. But yeah, cut it down to be less offensive unless you think it is offensive in which case just delete it and I'll answer it again. So this is my but leave all of this in if you're leaving it in because I'll answer I'll give another answer. OK, I'd learn how to speak maybe. Maybe Norway, Norwegian, technically, yes, maybe some Norway. That's how Norway speak. And I don't know. Norwegians like, oh, no, that's Scandinavia. So you say hello in Norway in Norway's. That's getting worried. Is it called Norway's Norwegian? No, no, I'm pretty sure they just changed it recently, man. Yeah, the World Health Organization or an article saying it's Norway's now. It's pretty fucking hell. Why did I fucking ask that question? I should have read that question and knew what Michael has to give you. Yeah, I don't know. I'd I'd learn maybe some French war. No, I don't know. Probably maybe maybe some Mongola, Mongola. Mongola, what they speak of Mongolia. Mongolian. Oh, that's what I'd learn. Anyway, next question. That fucking went weird, man. Next question is from Tian Van Lil. Shit. If it happens that you end up on the impulsive podcast, which is Logan Paul's podcast, would you still act the same way as you do on your podcast? I think so. You'd have to show him a squirt. Because it would be pretty funny to do a squirt. Because because I assume if we're on that podcast, we've like gotten significantly bigger and we probably have gotten significantly bigger by doing squirties and things similar. So we'd probably be on the show to talk about our squirties. So I'd have to do one. Yeah, I'd have to be myself there and show them my core, my center. Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, fuck. OK. Next question. Next question is from I was going to butcher names. A fucking deal. Abdul Castello. I knew it. Marty, would you ever let your hair grow as long as Michael's for a science experiment? I can't. Why? I've tried. I tried in high school to get some long, wispy hair, but it just stops growing at a length. My hair is not. It's never been good. What if you like, lost a bit to grow your hair? Just go to like here. He used to have a wispy fringe. And it did curl out a little bit on the side. It's like a it's like a surfy fucking bit longer. But yeah, I could I could never grow it ever grow it. Not not not me. So yeah, I wouldn't know. That's why I like wigs because it's the first time I've never been able to do anything with my hair except comb it that way or comb it that way. Those are the two hairstyles. I've had to choose from my whole life. Never got any haircuts, good ones. So I just like to wear the wigs now. It's nice to fantasize about what it would have been like. Yeah, they look nice. I love the wig last week was so good. Susan, fuck me. She was a sick bitch, man. Yeah, she had a lot of the demons. Yeah, she screamed at one point. Just go to his side back. What is talking about? The funny part of last week's podcast. The last week we enjoyed last week's episode 30. We enjoyed. I don't know about this one yet. Don't know. Next question. Next question is from Oz Baba. What was the last? Oh, sorry, Michael. When was the last time you pissed the bed or couch? Over a year. I've been good. Yeah, that's crazy. That's full growing up. Like maybe since 30. Yeah, you piss your pants about the same amount as like a normal, like 31 year old now. Yeah, it's like right now. You've brought that average right back down. It's good. Next question is from Haddon. I would like to hear the story of how both Michael and Marty lost their virginities. Losing our virginities was crazy, man. Yeah, I was a bit of a late bloomer. I was out. I was like 18. And man, yeah, my story is so fucked. Oh, I remember. I was like so shit with girls in my like late teens. I was just so immature. We were just so fucking attention seeking and immature. Like girls just thought we were so childish and just like fucked whenever we went out. We just all we ever did was just fucking trying to make each other laugh count. But anyway, out of the fucking down under bar with Henry and like, you know, we're just being in wankers all night. And at the end of the night, there's barely anyone left. And then there's like this 30 year old chick. And she was all right. And yeah, she was just like, oh, do you want to come back? And I went back and this is a true story, too. As we were walking to her house, I purposely left all the doors ajar because she'd go in first, unlock the doors and walk through. I'd leave them ajar because I knew that like I wanted an escape route if things didn't go to plan. That's fucking smart. And then sure enough, you know, fucking whatever. And then after. I just fucking literally waited like five minutes for her to like fall asleep and then just slowly slid out of the bed, grabbed my shit and just fucking bolted out of that house. And then he came back to mine at like probably like what, five in the morning. And we had coach. It was the first time it smoked weed, right? Yeah, she got weed, too. And you were high as a kite. And then we had to coach at like we got up at seven to leave to coach kids. Oh, so I was like, like, not even you couldn't sleep when you got back to mine. Yeah, I was like trying to feed balls. And they fucking 10 year olds hit the ball back and like I'd air swing it. They'd be there so fast. Oh, it was a hard morning, hard. Mine was when I was 17, I think. With a girlfriend on her period. Think it was like a boat, a made up bed. Out of twigs, because her room was too close to her parents. So it was like twigs and leaves. Turns out Michael lost his virginity to a bush turkey. Little nest fucking slumped over it, holding it into his core and just fucking all that. I'm the big mound. What they made, you know, we made up like a bed from all their couch pillows because we couldn't up because her room was next to her parents. And then what? And then it was it was shit. Were you all so shit in bed? Yeah, I was so shit in bed for like the first few years of sex. It's fucking crazy. So don't worry, guys, you get better the more you do it. It was a bit of a late bloom or two. I think it was just just really we just very immature for our age. So normal 18 year olds are like, you know, certain level of maturity. We'll still run around like we're like teenagers. We're like, Michael, let's still play with Lego. I've never played with Lego on weekends. He'd get all these toys. He's actually army, man. They pretend to make him fight and shit. Like, yeah. Yeah, like transformers and shit. Well, we go to the Wiggles, Beast Wars. Anyway, good question. Sorry. That is what about yours, Matt? When did you sling your fat brown up? Slaa. Quincy. My mom was on Valentine's Day. Oh, really? Yeah. How old were you? I think I was 15 to 16. He sexually matured earlier. There was no way at 15 or 16 I would have been able to. I don't reckon. I would have never seen a girl like that. Yeah, I didn't even know what a girl was. I thought everything was one. Yeah. Like 14 was like where things like everyone started aiming for like sex. And yeah, it's from the Gold Coast. It's because you grew up in the Gold Coast. You were part of the beach, right? Things fuck things way earlier on the Gold Coast. You were part of the beach, correct? Well, to be fair, friends and shit around us were. I was I was also just waited because I was hoping I'd have a girlfriend. You know, one of my mates lost it at 12, like going on 13. Oh, that's fucking kids. Yeah, he's a fucking kid fucker. His girlfriend was older. She was 13, so she was in high school. Oh, my God, I thought he's a fucking kid as a pedophile. That kid is a pedophile. Yeah, it's just people were just doing it around me so much earlier. And then you're not pressured to do it, but it's expected. Yeah, it's like, oh, well, I want to get it done. You want to get off, get to that that first one done. You want to get and then I was shit. I was shit house at sex. Yeah, I had a couple of good ones, but yeah, I was pretty horrible. And how did you how did you stumble across? It was just one of your victims or something? No, no, it was it was like my first proper my first proper romantic one. Well, the first girlfriend that I liked. Oh, that was a cute little shot. So that's that's that's the question, right? See, we next question or? Yeah, no, I'm so gone as next question. Boys, why does Julian always look like he needs to shit? I think he's a lot going on in his head all the time. He's got a lot of things going around. He lives like six different lives. And he's just it's just a lot for him to consider all the time. So it looks his face looks a bit strained sometimes, because there's just so many thoughts fighting to come to the front of his brain. I've seen him when he's like when you sort of get his attention from his phone and he comes back to reality. Oh, yeah, he just sort of like takes a while to adjust. He's like, where am I? Like sometimes you wake up in in your bed and you don't know where you are for a second. That's what he's like after looking up from his phone, isn't it? That's how we've seen him do that. Just walk straight off and go straight to the phone. And I'm like, hey, man, we got a game to play. Yeah. Next question is from. Wyndham, it's like condom and window together. A Wyndham, a Wyndham. You can put like a glass around your dick, a glass tube. See, and then you have sex with that Wyndham. It's a window condom. It would. What if it shattered? You know, it's thick glass. It won't shut up, plus it's good. OK, you sold me. Hey, boys, how long will your break be between season three and season four? So we do 40 episodes per season and then we usually start the next season like mid-feb, is it? Yeah, it's always February, start of February usually ended in January. Yeah. So it's like, I think it's like 12 weeks or something. Is it? There's a little break. Yeah, it must be 12 weeks because we have 40 episodes and there's 52 years in a day and that equals 12. So 12 weeks. Well, that's a long time of have off, isn't it? But we'll be planning and doing shit. And we'll hopefully we'll get some shit animated during that 12 weeks to keep everyone going. So what was that? Next, our final question is from Ezno. Ezno. Yeah. Marty and Michael, do you guys have any doppelgangers? Yeah, Michael has heaps. Michael's like most people look like Michael. But the most fans, everyone's always told me. Yeah, the the Nickelback lead singer a lot. What? I said one fans over that. But yeah, who else? Fucking Ryan Dunn, that that DJ, dude. There's Gulax. Fucking what's that guy from Notting Hill? Yeah, that's Reese Evans. Is it Reese Afans? Yeah, whatever. Fucking hell. What are you, bloody French or something? Farms. Yeah. As if you've watched from Notting Hill. Yeah, that's the one from Notting Hill. Brad Pitt beats a beats a shit out of a guy in the Tarantino film, how once upon a time in Hollywood. And he's like a very ugly version of Michael. Thank you. But yeah, there's teams out there. Should we start a segment? Oh, it's hard for the people listening, though. They can send it to the fully actual. Yes, if you guys find doppelgangers of us, send them through to the fully actual Instagram. OK, put them on the story. They'll put them on. We'll post some. We'll post them as well. Well, yeah. And we can post them to Instagram and shit as well. All right. So just fucking sense them. If you find someone that looks like us, take their photo and send her to us, man. I apparently get called like I look like Boyd Cordner. Who's he? That football player, I think. Yes, I've also heard someone said, oh, fuck, what's a boyd? Cordner, fuck me. What's the AFL player made of fool of himself at the Brown Lowe's, because he smashed and he's hosting. Jonathan Brown. No. Is he a baller, Brendan Favola? Was that right? Yeah. Yeah, someone said my friend in Brown. Yeah, that's the name of a football player. Fuck, that was good, then. You were you were contributing. All right, that's question time. Bunger. Oh, fucking scared the shit out of me, man. Holy fuck, that is loud. You know, you know what that's like. Yeah. Yeah, it hurts your ears. And this is a segment where we explain shit for you guys. Last week, we explained some shit. We didn't have anyone right in anything they want to explain. So Matt's crimes and no crimes either. Come on, guys. Come on, go send in your crimes. Maybe we need to start on stories again, reminding people, because we got heaps of shit whenever we did that. Remember? Remember? Yeah. What's up, Matt? So Matt's going to find some shit for us to explain. How do you get? How do you get ringworm? It's a shit, you know, it's one of the top ones that came up. Ringworm is a skin fungus that grows and it itches and it lives on your skin and shit. You get it from being dirty. Have you ever had it? I don't think so. Yeah, I got it when I was a kid. Yeah, yeah, kids in my primary school had it heaps. But that big, maybe? Is it itch? No. The ones that I saw, the boys were itching it like that. Would you get one? Yeah, I'd get one if I could. Let it grow and live and breathe. Just let it be. So that's how you get ringworm. You have to be like a real dirty little fucking cunt. Anyway. Sorry. What is an acronym? An acronym. It's like an acronym is like a cross between like an act or a bat and like cinnamon, the cinnamon herb. So it's like a herb that is also capable of acrobatic manoeuvres. Like a super food, I guess. Yeah, because it's like acrobatic and shit. How do you toilet train a kitten? You put it in a bucket of water. And then when it pisses, you pull it out of the bucket of water. So you're slowly teaching it that it's rewarded when it pisses in the bucket of water. And then you slowly put it in the toilet and then it pisses there when it pisses, you pull it out. And then after a while, it'll just go to the toilet every time, man. I've seen it work, man. It's like a shower. It's a good drown. It might drown. But like you get to clean every time. Yeah. So you take the good with a bat, you might drown. High chance. If it flushes first, then it has a clean. It will drown. How does space affect the human body? So when you're in space and a spacecraft, how does it affect the human body? This one's we've done this one before. Yeah. And, man, you don't even want to know about it. Hey, say that gravity is not all that you're told. There's things that go on up there. They don't want you knowing about, man. And the effect on your body is you become a fucking piece of shit with no gravity on your organs. You got organs floating around. You can get your heart batteries and shit or mixed it up with your fucking ribs and shit. I've seen like knots and, man, you want to be, you want to be with it. It gives you heaps of tumours. It's the heaps of so many tumours because there's nothing that the gravity is not there to suck it out. It's it's bad. Who built the pyramids in Egypt? Look, I don't want to. I don't want to get the guy in trouble. Like, I know his name and we have met him once. But I don't want to like because, you know, if they came out, I think there's what? What do you say? I think only like 15 people know. Yeah, a couple of Freemasons already said too much. But yeah, yeah, this guy, we don't want to get into trouble. But yeah, it's just this guy from fucking. Brissy. How long do butterflies live? Forty eight hours. Do they know it's got to be longer than that? Seriously? No. Yep. No. I used to. Yeah. No. Is that true, Matt? No. It used to be one. No. Really? Fuck. What was that before we met? Yeah, it was a different life. Had to do it repeat for a while. It was like a cycle. I got some bad karma. So you only got like a butterfly was pretty good. Cocoon. Better than an ant. Cocoon. You come from a cocoon. Yeah. Well, I had to do the caterpillar. I think I've seen you do that, too. Well, we made a video about it. Tiktok. Cocoon. Well, Bosley wants to pipe up. Does he? All right. I went from caterpillar to butterfly. You filmed it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. That's it. Anyway, keep that segment come on, guys. We need things to explain. All right. We can explain anything, anything you want. All right. Now, Matthew Brown, he comes running in saying, hauling a newspaper saying, stop, stop everything. And he read this news story out loud. Really? Oh, yeah. He was fucking like he has to show you guys. Yeah. OK. What is it, Matt? What is it, Matt? What's going on? What happened, Matt? Oh, this is in America, which I think it's in Tennessee. I haven't been to that sea before. All right. A man. This is a news story. Man at 39 years old cuts off his penis and threw it out the car of a window as he was being chased by a police on the highway. Says he heard voices on the radio telling him he would save the world. It would save the world. Oh, my God. Would you do it? Don't imagine if you all of a sudden did hear voices in your head and said, quick, cut your dick off. Otherwise, everyone in the world will die. Like it's pretty like shocking. And if it's like just really clear, like you're completely like we are right now totally sane. I'd do it. Yeah. And then it's like you need to cut your dick off right now. I just it just made me think about how we were saying we'd pull it off. Imagine he might have been thinking like what he might have always could have been saying you've got 60 seconds and he's just like us. Yeah. From last week, we said if we had 60 seconds left, like was it a dirty car? Did he pull it up a bit and scissor in? Oh, imagine just scissors, snip. Just come off so easy, I reckon. One, if you pulled it taught enough, snip, just come straight. It just at the right of the base, snip. Like, I reckon you wouldn't even need to cut through the whole way. If you're pulling tight enough, just snip a little bit and then you can just tear the rest off. Fuck that. Fuck that. Oh, small incision on the side. I'd rather try to rip. It is such a strange feeling. I wonder what that would feel like. Oh, it worries me. Just ripping your dick off. Come fix me up and rip your dick off, man. Rip your dick off for a video, dude. It's a video. We should do a challenge video. Rip your dick off, man. Yeah. Oh, right. What here? All right, then. I reckon we get arrested pretty quick. Yeah. Let's do it. Put your back into it. All right, let's moving right along to the P.O. Boxing segment. We have three letters to address to Julian. We'll be opening them first. So they are him. I can see the handwriting every time. It's so interesting. You sense it's like he must just fucking spend a day just writing us letters. Dear Julian, I'm black because I have purple cock. We should fuck one day. And then he has a very inappropriate word. I rubbed my dick for skin, nutsack and nutsack hair. And he's got a little like a circle of where he rubbed those things on. I'm sick and by touching that paper. Did he jizz on it? No, no, he's just rubbed his balls and shit on it. You can see it's like all curly, the paper there. Oh, wow, it looks liquidy. All right, here we go. Last one, dear Marty or Michael. I'm Dave or Rubichich on your season three and episode 27. I agree with Andrew to make separate video for podcast and for Michael. Stop being a pussy and do the do the codes if the cunt sends them in or not. Do the codes. All right, he's working with him. And Marty, I have one question. Do you think Michael's mom is hot? I think she is. P.S. Michael's mom is fully actual. I mean, yeah, fucking working together. It's some weird shit. Yeah, this is this is a I believe the I'm uncomfortable. What are you talking about with the separate of the videos? I believe I remember the comments he was asking for a separate P.O. box section separate just in one video. I think I think flying. All right, that's P.O. Unboxing and now fucking it's prank all time, guys. Yeah, let's get into it now. The prank call this week to good old fashioned Domino's call and I'm going to cycle through all three characters. It's hard work. It's like split personality. It's very difficult to do. Hopefully I'm not too high now. But we will see. So Arnold Fine, Margaret and Darren and see if they like pick up on it. But I'm worried that they're just going to not say anything and then get to the end of the order. Then you go and I'll be like, won't you confuse it? Yeah, maybe ask. Yeah, maybe that's the punch. What do you think about that, my brown? I think you guys are stoned. Yeah, we definitely are. Yeah, we have learned not to because we last week's episode was so good. We're like, fuck it. Maybe it's because we were stoned and we read some of the comments people like, oh, you guys should be stoned all the time. Yeah, yeah, but just not too much. You guys went slow because I haven't eaten either today. Oh, dude, you've got to eat. I've got energy. So what did you do all day? I don't know. I just had like I did. I had like a couple of bananas and an apple, but I didn't have like a proper meal. Yeah, good day, mate. Can I just place and pick up order, please? Pick up. Yeah, mate, pick up. Yeah, boy, does order. Look, can I get as a few of us? So just bear with me. Can I just get two large meatlovers? Thanks. Two large meatlovers. Yeah. Anything else? You have fresh pork, pork pizza, or you have no pork, only beef. So you have pork like a pig. You have a pig, a pizza or. Ham and cheese. A ham and cheese. OK, you have a pulled pork or no? Pulled pork. Yeah, like pulled pork. You know, like shredded pork and that he's don't have that. I don't think so. Well, what are they like pork pieces now? I thought like Domino's had like he's like pork and that. Ham and bacon. Yeah, right. Yeah, the menu must have changed since last time I shopped there. Yeah, so I'll get those two. I'll also have a margarita, thanks. And I'll get some extra oregano on that. Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah. The two pepperonis and then the margarita. Who is this? You tell me, you lead or the back, huh? Yeah, so there's two pepperonis, margarita. And what's that toppings on the margarita? You're fresh topping, a little flicking around, a little. You flick, you flick a sauce. You have a sauce. You put sauce on the flick it on the top. Yeah, which sauce? The put the white sauce. I know not to name the name doesn't matter. The white sauce put it on the top. The garlic sauce. Yeah, the garlic sauce. That'd be great. Thank you. Yeah. Look, what sort of drinks do you guys have there? So bottle or can? Bottles, like how many? Like bottles you've got, like. Pepperoni, I'm sorry, enough. Pepperoni, bloody drink? What are you bloody, you want to be a mate? What are you fucking, you want to be a pepperoni drink? Yeah, I'm to do. Pepsi, Pepsi Max. Mountain Dew, 7-O, Solo and Sunkist. Put the coca-cola, I get the two coca-cola. Pepsi? Pepsi, yeah, same thing. Pig, pig, dog. Anything else? Cider, I want the bread with the cheese on top. The bread, you know the bread. Yeah, it's a garlic bread. I have a van of them and you have a kid of pizza, yes? Simply cheese? Yeah, yeah, simply cheese would be great. That's for the teenagers. So I'll get two of them, thanks. And look, do you guys have any other sides? I'm thinking maybe some wings. Wings? Yeah, some wings would be great, thanks. Yeah, yeah. Do you want three wings or five wings? I'll have five wings, thanks. Yeah, five wings! Little? Get your ring done! Order back to me! Sorry? Can you lead the auto back to me? I could not hear. Two pepperoni, a margarita with garlic sauce. Oh, yeah, that's right, yeah. I want the Pepsi, two of the garlic bread, simply cheese and five wings. Now I can put it all again. What do we come out with, mate? Sorry? But what's the important thing? How much cross of it? 38, 45. Well, yeah, 45, yeah, now I've got a 50, you've got change, right? Sorry? Have you guys got change? Change, small change. If I come in with $50 cash, do you guys accept cash or just card? Yep, we can do that. Yeah, great. Okay, I take my horse, I come down maybe 10, 50. Name and name? Yeah, my name Arnold Fein. My name is Darren. Arnold? Margaret. Margaret? Arnold Fein. My name is Darren, Darren, D-I-D-L-R-A-M. Margaret. Darren? Margaret. Am I not being clear enough? Margaret. Okay, Darren, that'll be... Arnold Fein. Who is this, huh? You speak to me, huh? Who is this, huh? You put me down, huh? You do not write my name down. I do not want the record of me being in a park, park store with a pizza, huh? You crossing my name out. Okay, Margaret? Yes? That'll be... I should be ready in 10 to 15 minutes. Yeah, look, we might have to cancel that order. Just one of the characters that I'm playing has changed his mind. And I think I'm going insane. So, yeah. Cancel the order? Yeah, mate, yeah, look, fuck it, fuck it. Just cancel it, mate. I'm gonna have to just fucking whip some out in the kitchen right now. D-D-D-D-D-D... Who is this, huh? You a speaker to me, are you? Fuck! Like, fuck your wife, huh? Oh, fuck! Oh, dude! That was great. That was good art. That was a pause. I was honestly... That was one of the best ever prank calls I ever did. Really? That was up there with some... The ability to change master I thought you I thought I was gonna be a struggle You did it really well and when he did the asking of the name thing Oh, you went Margaret. I don't and just went back and forth. That was fucking incredible Man, there you bloody have it guys. You you got through every single catchphrase of all of all the characters I can't believe they don't know that because it's always the cringes here with it when they know it's a prank call How do you not know that that's a fucking baby? I always fit feel like it might be a teenager He's like I think this is fake, but I've got it I'm scared to lose my job. They have to just they have to do it. They're legally they have to otherwise They can like get fine like big dollars and sometimes I wonder where Dakota was. I had a coat up. Is the meat like fresh Oh Fuck we should have brought her out. Oh next week. All right We are the fucking best we've proven it again and next week We're not gonna have weed before but throughout and that's the best thing to do and we're the best and our only fantasy is live Go and enjoy feast the content We're the best And don't forget to comment if you want Yeah, and subscribe and like the video too. Okay only if you want to Share it even yeah, and share it too if you want if you want Because now it's like the end of the podcast you can get up from wherever you Listening and you might have a bit of time. I don't know. Just yes. Yeah throwing it out there. Anyway, I might go for a wee. All right There's gonna come