 Hey, I'm Drew and you are watching or just listening to The Anxious Truth. The Anxious Truth is the podcast that covers all things anxiety, anxiety disorders, and anxiety recovery. So if you're struggling with things like panic attacks, agoraphobia, OCD, or health anxiety, this is the place for you. This week on The Anxious Truth, we're talking about the three main themes of fear that come along with almost every variation of anxiety disorder that we talk about in this podcast. So let's get to it. Hello, everybody, welcome back to The Anxious Truth. This is podcast episode number 238. We are recording in December of 2022 in case you are watching or listening in the future. Now, you know when now is for full show notes on this episode of the podcast. You can go to my website at theanxiastruth.com slash 238. It's on the screen right below me if you are watching on YouTube. While you're on the website, you can check out all the other goodies that I have for you. Books, webinars, free social media content, check it out. It's all there on my website at theanxiastruth.com. I hope you find it all helpful and I hope you avail yourself of all the resources. So today on episode 238, we're going to follow up from last week where we talked about common anxiety symptoms. We're going to sort of follow along that a little bit. And we're going to start to talk about the three common themes of fear that drive avoidance and that become the main part of the struggle for most of the people that listen to this podcast and read my books and things of that nature. So if you're dealing with an anxiety problem of some sort, you are probably most afraid of something that falls into one of three categories. And we're going to go through that today. Why is it helpful to even know this? Well, knowledge is power. Right. So in the beginning of the recovery process, psychoeducational content is critical, understanding what's going on, getting a grip on what's really happening, helping yourself to not be confused, lost, bewildered. Those are some of the words that Dr. Clare Weeks used to use. It matters understanding what this is all about and what the true nature of this problem really is, is a big deal, especially if you've been frantically trying to find ways to just make it all go away and you feel like nothing is working. It can really help to take a better look at what the mechanics of this really are. And that's why we want to do podcast episodes like this. Knowing that there are three main categories of fear can help you understand that you are living a shared experience that many, many other people are, that not you are not unique. You are not uniquely broken. You're not worse than anybody else. So it can help you in terms of knowing that you're not, you know, especially broken or beyond hope. And it can also help because it can sort of help inform your actions as you begin to maybe change directions and start to relate to this stuff and work a bit more productively on your anxiety problem. So that's why people like me do podcast episodes like this one. So this is an outgrowth of a post that I made. This was on Instagram, I believe, about a few weeks ago. And I basically asked because the path to recovery from these problems is through, right? So one of the comments that sayings we hear all the time in this community is the only way out is through. So we don't learn to stop these things from happening. We learn how to navigate through them. And part of navigating through them is the ability to give up the fight, stop resisting, accept that it's there, surrender to it, let it all happen, fully experience it and come out the other side. So whatever that looks like, that is generally the path that everybody takes through this to recovery. And when we have to do that, one of the key obstacles toward achieving that goal and moving through to the other side and learning that we don't have to fear these things anymore is a struggle to actually surrender and give up the fight. Now, I understand that that is that's difficult because when you give up the fight and you fully allow these things, you allow the thoughts, you allow the sensations, you allow all those things. It feels dangerous and wrong to do. So that's why it's hard for people to do. And I asked my Instagram audience, if you were to fully let go, drop the fight, surrender, accept, float, whatever words you like to use. If you were to do that, what is the worst case scenario that you fear? OK, reasonable question. I was just kind of curious to see what people would say. And I had hundreds of responses to that answer. So in the 24 hours that the Instagram story was live, I got hundreds of responses. And when I looked at those responses, the vast majority of them and quick math tells me about ninety two or ninety three percent of them when I when I sort of tabulated it all fell into one of three categories. So you had several hundred people. I think there were there weren't three hundred. I think there was about two hundred and sixty something responses. I have to go back and look and actually kind of went and categories them all. And I think it was ninety two point something percent fell within one of these three categories. This week's episode of the anxious truth has a real life sponsor for the very first time in the history of this podcast. The coolest thing is it has nothing to do with anxiety, recovery or mental health. So it's not some sort of crackpot cure, because I would never do that to you guys. Today's episode of the podcast is sponsored by my life in a book dot com. It's just a cool, thoughtful service that I thought was useful. And I thought you might too. 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Those categories are in no particular order, although probably in order of frequency, the most common category was the the fear of either death, physical injury or physical incapacitation. That was the most that was the the category that appears most. So when 260 something anxious, people tell you what they fear the most and why they don't want to surrender, except float let go. Why they think they have to keep fighting. They're trying to prevent death, which is the most common feared outcome in that category or some other physical damage, injury or permanent physical incapacitation. All right, so that's the number one category. The second category, pretty close second, to be honest with you. And this this jive is based on the community feedback that I've gotten over the years. The second common category is loss of control. Now, that's a pretty much a close second to death or or actual physical damage. Loss of control looks a bunch of different ways. And these things are not necessarily black and white set in stone. So you may view your fear as a physical fear. That's fine, if that's the way you interpret it. You may fear, interpret your fear as a loss of control fear. And that's OK. Two people, and I'll give you an example. Two people could fear vomiting, if you're a metaphobic, as the primary worst case scenario. This is why I can't allow this or accept it or float through it, because I might actually vomit. One person would call that a physical outcome. That's too much. Another person would call that a loss of control outcome. So remember that this stuff is fluid. And even for an individual person, it could change from time to time. But the point is when it comes to the loss of control thing, that can look like losing sanity, having a psychotic break, having a break with reality. It can also look for some people that loss of control would take the the the form of staying in the anxious or panicked state or staying in a state permanently of high anxiety, panic or dissociation, like depersonalization or derealization. And the other common theme that falls under loss of control would be I'm going to be so overwhelmed by the fear and the discomfort and the feelings that I will maybe throw myself on the floor. I will scream and yell. I will yell for help. I will somehow make a huge, a huge scene that I will not be able to control or stop. Some people fear that if they begin to cry, they may never stop crying. So the loss of control thing is a close second to the death or physical damage thing. And it also has a much wider range of like sub outcomes that come in with that. So as you listen to this, consider, well, where do I fall on that? But that's the second most common theme that we find if we ask people, why can't you surrender? Why why are you unwilling or why are you resisting, accepting these feelings and moving through them? The third most common category and this one is a little bit more distant, but not uncommon and probably the one that we don't talk about enough. And I'm going to try to bring it up a little bit more on the podcast over the next couple of months as we go down the road, because I discovered that it is underrepresented for sure. The third feared common outcome theme that is is being embarrassed or feeling shameful. Now, this one is a little bit more nuanced for sure, because for people whose most feared outcome and the reason why they fear that they think that they have to hang on tight, not let go, they have to fight, they have to resist. They cannot possibly cannot possibly surrender and allow these things to happen is because they may wind up in a situation where they wind up embarrassing themselves or feeling ashamed. That could be tougher because that speaks a little bit more and there's a million variations of that, right? Of what you think would be embarrassing and what five other people in the room with you with the same anxiety problem thing or embarrassing would be different. So there's a very individualistic. But in those situations, we're talking about fearing that you will not be able to handle an emotional state, be it embarrassment or shame, which are related. But we'll talk about this in another podcast episode, but also different. They're I think in their same bread, maybe cousins, I think embarrassment is like a little cousin, not fun. The little cousin shame is the big nastier cousin. So the third common category of no, this is why I cannot possibly go is that I will be ashamed of what I do or I may wind up being embarrassed. And that one's a little bit trickier because you're dealing with directly there with the feelings that I can't. I won't be able to handle feeling shame. I won't be able to handle feeling embarrassment or that feeling of shame is a reflection of what I think about myself. So I see myself as weak, broken, unworthy, whatever. And then shame means other people will see it. So if I let go and allow this panic to happen, or I let go and let my intrusive thoughts run wild, I may be seen because I'll be in distress. And if they see me, then it's not so much they'll judge me, but they'll see me and I don't want to be seen because I think very poorly of myself. So that's the shame thing. We'll get into that in other podcast episodes. I'm going to bring some smart people on to talk about that. But that's the third category. So if you are struggling and you have listened to this podcast and you hear other material like it by other content creators like me and you know that part of your job is I have to go toward the things that I fear. I have to allow, I have to accept, I have to float, I have to willfully tolerate, I have to surrender. You hear these words, say them over and over and over. And you're struggling with that. I can't. I just can't bring myself to do it. I can't let go. Odds are pretty high, not for everybody, but for most of you. The reason why you just can't bring yourself to make that leap of faith and fully let go and surrender is that you have a fear at the moment because it might change over time and you might know this, what you're afraid of today might not be what you're afraid of tomorrow or next week. But right now what's sort of standing in your way is a feared outcome that falls into one of those three categories, either death or physical damage or injury, permanent incapacitation of some kind, loss of control, meaning you may do things that you cannot control like and you may wind up insane, psychotic in a permanent state of hysteria, throwing yourself on the ground, screaming, breaking things, you'll be out of control. Or the third one is it's it's shameful if you let people see that. I have to keep it under wraps because I don't want to be embarrassed and I don't want to be ashamed. So those are the three common fears. What can we do with that now that we know that that's great? Because again, how can we use this this information? Well, we can use this information to make sure that we are aware that we're not alone in this. So no matter what it is that you fear, when you know that the vast majority of these fears fall into one of those three categories, you could start to see I'm not that unique. I mean, my specific fear might be vomiting or my specific fear might be I'm going to go crazy or have a psychotic break or this panic will kill me. But I can put it into one of those three categories and see that most everybody falls in one of those three categories. So there's not something specially wrong with me. I kind of fit the patterns. And that can be really encouraging. If you are seeing yourself as I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I'm broken. I can't fix this. I can't seem to find the solution. Nothing works. Know that if what I'm saying today resonates, you are like pretty much everybody else in the community, right? And that's a powerful thing to know. Also, understanding that like, oh, I can boil this down to that particular thing. And I know that other people have fears that belong in these categories, too, can help you see that the thing that you see is most dangerous. Is other people see things that are they think are most dangerous, but they're different than you. So what's the difference operationally between the person who fears vomiting as an outcome and the person who fears a psychotic break as an outcome? Like I would urge you to use the information in this podcast episode to really challenge yourself with that question. I'm really afraid of a psychotic break because that's what I think will happen. But how is that any different than the person sitting next to me in this auditorium full of anxious people who is afraid that they will have a heart attack because that's what they think will happen. So how come my thought is real or could happen? But I don't think their thought is. How can that be? Right. So this is one of the reasons why it's nice to have somebody tell you like, hey, listen, you are the same as everybody else in these situations, or you fit the categories, you fit the patterns, you're not uniquely special or worse. Really important there. So this second thing that we can use, wow, my knuckle just cracked right into the microphone. Did you hear that? I didn't plan that. So the second way we can use this information to know that while your fear probably falls into one of these three core categories is we can address each one really quickly with a little bit of if you've heard this a million times, it is going to be reassurance providing. There's no doubt about that. And we don't want to do that. I don't want to be in that business. But if you've never heard this before, like maybe you were new to last week's podcast episode and you've never heard all those symptoms said out loud before. Well, in the beginning of this journey, when you're just learning about the nature of these disorders and the nature of the solution, this is not reassurance. It's assurance. You get to learn, you know, productive assurance where you are told what this is and maybe get to have your fear assuaged a little bit is a good thing. Just don't get caught in the loop of continually coming back to ask again and again and again. So I just want to preface this next couple of minutes by saying that. Don't let yourself get caught in. Well, in episode 238, Drew said that nobody had you don't go crazy from a panic attack, and that made me feel good for about a half hour. But I'm going to go back and listen to him say that a hundred times in the next two weeks. Be careful about that, because that is literally not the surrender and the acceptance that we're looking for. That's not the way out. That's just making yourself feel better for a few minutes at a time until you have to do it again. So be careful about that. But there's nothing wrong with people like me providing this information for the folks that are new in this journey. And I'm fairly sure that a bunch of you are new in this. So take this information and then use it to inform your next actions as opposed to just using it to soothe your fear again and again and again. So what I want to do now is let's take each one of those three fear categories and address them directly with some basic good information that you can hang your hat on. The first one, death or physical incapacitation. I understand that is a strong fear. I used to have that fear in a big way and it feels so real and it feels like it's really going to happen. But I'm guessing that if you're listening to me, I'm not the first person to tell you this. Those things do not happen because of panic. They don't. Anxiety does not kill anybody. It does not injure anybody. Anxiety is a natural physiological process. In our case, it's just triggered at the wrong time. But your body, when it's doing all those things that you are interpreting as impending physical doom or death, in the worst case, is literally just doing what human bodies are designed to do when they are afraid. So know this or hear this. And if you've been told by 10 doctors already this, now you're being told by me, maybe even told by a therapist, maybe even told by some other pod tester or some other author in this space. I don't know. But that does not happen. Just because it feels like it is going to, it doesn't. And it doesn't happen to people. So it hasn't happened to you either. If you're listening to me, you have not died and literally nothing that you do when you are experiencing that really scary state. None of your things that you do have ever saved you from dying or being injured because it was never going to happen anyway. Your body is literally doing exactly what human bodies are designed to do when afraid, just that since you can't find the reason for it happening, the response itself becomes interpreted as the danger. That's all that is, right? So if you're worried about dying or being physically injured or hurt or your body is somehow going to break because of this, know that I understand why you would think that, but that is not an outcome that you have to worry about. I know you feel it, but it's not a real outcome. The second outcome, the same thing. People worry that they will be overtaken or overwhelmed because these thoughts are so scary and they're so overwhelming and they're so disturbing and the fear is at such an elevated level that it will break their brain in some way and they will either get stuck in this state, they'll never leave it or they will literally lose their sanity, slip away into a psychotic state either permanently or for a long time. That also doesn't happen. So there is no path from anxiety or those feelings of doom and dread, fear. Those are also the things that human bodies do in human brains. Those are the thoughts human brains produce when afraid, just that you're afraid of the thoughts themselves. And so the cycle goes. But just because you think that you're going to lose control and either become psychotic or go insane or whatever it happens to be being a permanent state of panic doesn't mean it's going to happen because there is no such thing. You are just in a predictable, normal state of fear triggered at the wrong time. Brains don't break that way, and it has never happened to you. And again, I will repeat that nothing you have ever done while in that state has ever kept you ever even once kept you from losing control or going insane. I don't care how depersonalized you are. Nothing you did in that state kept you intact, kept you from from becoming psychotic or kept you from becoming a different person and doing something you don't want to do. You've never saved yourself not even once, because what you think you're saving yourself from that loss of control isn't a thing. OK. And again, take this information, file it away and use it to inform new action. We're talking about why people won't surrender, why people won't accept, why people will not give up the fight, why people insist on holding on so tightly. This is why. So take the information I'm giving you now and know, oh, I can let go as scary as that is. It's safe to let go. And the third category you may wind up embarrassed or feeling shameful. That does happen. So in this situation, yes, you might feel embarrassment. Yes, that situation may figure, may trigger feelings of shame, which is a terrible feeling that no human being wants. But my guess is that the reason why you're hanging on so tight is because you have felt shame before. Maybe you're feeling shame now, even hear me talk about it. But you have felt it before and as unpleasant as it is to feel things like embarrassment and shame. They are emotional states that you can handle because they are emotional states that human beings encounter. Now, you may, if you are primarily based in the shame camp, you may have other work to do. Why are you ashamed? What is it that you think about yourself that triggers these feelings of shame? Hard of that work will most likely involve feeling the shame and working through it. That's true. So there's overlaps there. So if your core fear when it comes down to like why I can't let go in the face of panic or anxiety is based on embarrassment or shame. Well, know that, yes, you may in fact be embarrassed or ashamed. So whereas in the first two categories, you could say, well, that doesn't happen. You just think it will. No, no, no, you may actually be embarrassed and you might actually feel ashamed. That is true. But in that situation, you can handle that. I know you don't want to. And I know you believe yourself incapable of that. And it seems I should never feel that way. I get you. I feel you on that. None of us wants to feel that way. And you may have additional work that you might have to do to work on the source of that shame, but know that you can handle that. So you're refusal to let go there or your struggle letting go because you don't want to come in contact with that emotional experience of shame or embarrassment is you see yourself as incapable of dealing with it, but really you can deal with it and you can work on that. So what I hope I've done in the last seven, eight minutes here is sort of address each of those specific categories. And the categories are helpful because now I don't have to answer a hundred questions about individual symptoms, sensations, thoughts or fears that fall into those categories. So how do you use that? You think, well, I'm not alone. I'm not uniquely broken. I'm not worse than everybody else. This is pretty common. I fit them a hold, right? So I'm, you know, this sucks, but I'm not I'm not uniquely broken. I can get better. There's hope for me. And well, which of my category, which of those categories am I in? I can take that assurance that Drew gave me and podcast episode number two thirty eight and I can try to build on that. So as opposed to, yeah, well, can you do a podcast episode about the fear that I will? Can you do the podcast that can you do a podcast episode about the fear that I won't breathe? Look at the category you're in and apply appropriately if you can. So hopefully in this podcast episode, by categorizing them and showing you how common those categories are, I can give you a way to sort of skip a few steps where you don't need specific instructions on your specific thought or fear. You can say, oh, well, if all this is the this is the loss of control thing. And Drew told me my therapist told me doctor told me everything I've read. I don't there is no loss of control. So OK, OK, I know what I got to do. I'm going to work on that. All right, so that was my goal here. So keep the three categories just to just to recap. When I ask a few hundred people, two hundred and sixty something people on Instagram, why can't you surrender or why are you struggling with surrender? What's the most feared outcome for you if you do surrender or stop fighting? All of the responses, ninety something percent of them. There were some outlying responses, but generally speaking from people that probably are dealing with different problems that I'm addressing. That's OK. I mean, everybody's welcome. But ninety two ninety two point something percent of the of the responses, by the way, not a scientific poll, right? There's that is not I would not submit those numbers for peer reviewed research status. Don't get me wrong, but ninety something percent of the people that answered gave me things that fell into one of three categories. That was death or physical injury or physical incapacitation, loss of control, a varying degrees, psychosis, insanity, permanent panic, permanent DPR, vomiting is often looked at as a loss of control or three feelings of embarrassment or shame, a vast majority fell into that. Now, what can you do with those things? That's the object of the day on this podcast. So I guess I'm going to wrap it up. That is pretty much it. Episode two thirty eight in the books. You know, it's over because music after globe by Ben Drake. That is a song that Ben wrote a few years ago, inspired in part by this podcast, you hear it at the beginning of most podcast episodes at the end of all of them. If you want to check out more of Ben and his music, you can do that at bendrake music dot com. If you are watching this on YouTube, I will ask you to like this video. Leave a comment. I will interact with you. I promise it might take me a week to get to it, but I will. And then maybe hit the notification button so you know when I when I upload new episodes, if you're listening to the podcast on Apple podcasts or Spotify or some platform that lets you rate a review, leave a five star rating, maybe write a review. It helps other people find the podcast. I appreciate that. And that is it. I hope you have found this helpful. If you have questions or comments, you're in my Facebook group, you want to get me on Instagram, whatever, let me know. I'll do my best to answer you comments on YouTube, whatever. I'll be back next week with another podcast episode. I do not know what I'm going to talk about, but I will be here. And remember, as always, this is the way. Yeah, y'all doing.