 Good afternoon I'm Evie Schellenberger and I served as board chairperson During the years with in which John Howard taught at the seminary and the year which he resigned as professor of the seminary I Also served as a member of a seminary covenant group along with three other members To in some way address the abusive behavior of John Howard Two members of that covenant group have died and one is no longer able to speak The words which I hope to be able to speak to you this afternoon come from both a place of personal woundedness and From much reflection on my personal Responsibility for the woundedness which many of you have experienced and are Experiencing now for more than three years our seminary covenant group Met regularly with John Howard Sincerely believing that our work with him would change his thinking and his behavior in regards to his abusive relationships with women Looking back to that time nearly 40 years ago I have many regrets about that process That we thought at the time was a biblical way of dealing with an airing brother. I Recognize that in my role as a board member and later as chairperson of the board I held significant power to guide a disciplinary process That would deal justly with John Howard's wrongful behavior I Confess to you that I didn't know how to utilize that power and responsibility Granted me to implement a process that would stop his abusive behavior and insist on Reconstitution for the wrongs committed. I Apologize to all of you For a disciplinary process that continued far too long Before recognizing its failure to change John Howard's thinking or behavior a Process in which we allowed John Howard far too much power and control and Which focused more on his ideas about? Relationships with women and not on what actually happened to those of you women who were deeply hurt by his experiment. I Regret the tight Sensuality I agreed to at that time Believing this was important to somehow protect you the women he abused Instead it protected John Howard and allowed him to continue his hurtful behavior It protected the seminary and the larger church From dealing with this abuse much earlier I'm deeply sorry for this To all of you women who have been wounded by John Howard I deeply regret that this morning is the first time I have heard your stories face-to-face To know some of your names To address you in person During those early years at the seminary. I knew you only by a number or a letter as All the names of the many women hurt by John Howard were confidential even to those of us working with John as I listened to your personal stories this morning your pain-filled stories. I Couldn't imagine Why I was so silent about what was happening. I Realize now that by speaking about you as a letter or a number This was very Depersonalizing and in some way made the pain made the sin. We were dealing with Seem less real. I deeply lament the pain you have experienced Due to my involvement with what I now know as an inadequate seminary process in which I carried responsibilities as a board member and I ask your forgiveness for that For the past 40 years. I have continued to deal with this painful chapter in my personal life Trying to understand my role in it Questioning again and again the seminary process. I was involved in grieving explaining Trying to justify and becoming physically sick from the unrelenting stress of this on my body a Telephone call from Sarah Informing me of this meeting and asking if I would like to be a part of it again brought me to tears as I knew I must revisit this complex story once again. I Began preparing my thoughts and reflections, but the same nagging question returned What else could I have done that would have made a difference? There were no clear answers no clarity about what I must say what I should do Then one night nearly three weeks ago. I was suddenly awakened by a dream a visit from the Divine in That dream. I was at this very meeting Sharing together with you women our stories pain and regrets Each of us who participated in that meeting held in our hands a beautiful clump of Blue clay with red streaks running through the clay as We spoke our hands massaged the street clay Following our time of sharing a pair of unknown hands Gently took the clay from each of us and began molding our individual clumps of clay together When the meeting finished we first looked into each other's eyes and Then at the beautiful sculpted piece that was formed. I Wasn't allowed in my dream to see the shape of that final sculpted piece But we together realized that it indeed represented our pain, but also something new I Couldn't finish my sleep that night because of the power of this dream. I Am becoming more aware that perhaps the dream wasn't mine at all Perhaps it was our collective dream or was it God's dream a promise that the future for each of us For the seminary for the church Can be changed by giving voice to a painful past by sharing and hearing our stories by sharing our pain by sharing our laments and Finally by releasing them to the one who will gently hold them and Perhaps shape or transform them into something we will together Recognize as a new beginning May it be so has its way As does the spirit when it first dawned on me a couple years ago that I may need to confess on behalf of AMBS I Resisted how How can I confess to what happened on someone else's watch How can I presume? Any prerogative or right to hold my renowned predecessors intellectual giants of the past responsible for the sin That still weighs so heavily on us, but today by the authority Given me by the AMBS Board of Directors and I believe by the Holy Spirit and By everything I know to be true about the gospel I Name the violation of body mind and spirit that happened on the watch of this seminary as Evil and I renounce it. I do this not because I am without fault or Presume any kind of superiority over those who've gone before I Acknowledge that I have the benefit of hindsight of good counselors of Lessons learned of a very different historical Context many among us believe that if former leaders of the seminary could see what we see They too would be here today in Sackcloth and ashes But as AMBS's current president and on behalf of this wonderful and flawed institution I Confess that this seminary failed in our use of the power entrusted to us Whether out of institutional hubris or with every intention for good We gave pride of place to intellectual prowess to the powers of the mind With too little regard for how they can be twisted in self-serving evil ways We allowed ourselves to be held captive by intellectual argumentation and theological constructs that use biblical language to intimidate and to justify sexual deviancy and immoral behavior Along with so many others we fell prey To our desire for a hero Enamored by the brilliance that put our treasured peace theology on the world stage We fail to truly listen to those whose bodies minds and spirits were being crushed There is no excuse Not the historical time period in which this abuse occurred Not the pervasive confusion so to buy a so-called sexual revolution Not the fact that sexual harassment and abuse were not yet publicly or legally defined in policies There is no excuse No excuse when a theological school that is dedicated to teach what is good and true and beautiful about the gospel Fails in a most egregious way to comfort those who mourn To bring good news to the oppressed to build up the broken-hearted and Proclaim liberty to the captives Whether through misnaming or negligence or avoidance or fear of scandal We failed the sacred trust of the church We failed what we know to be most true about the gospel. We failed you on behalf of AMBS I Express my profound remorse Especially to each of you who were wounded in body mind and spirit. I Am sorry. I am sorry that trusted leaders injured you Disregarded and devalued you. I am sorry that we neglected to genuinely listen to your reports of violation and Even after hearing your warnings, we failed to raise the alarm I am sorry that by choosing to remain silent about your violation. We Isolated you only deepening your sense of betrayal. I am sorry that in our exhaustion and Desire for closure. We didn't listen to those of you who said this is not finished the full truth of what happened has Not yet been spoken Above all, I am sorry that we failed to exercise the moral authority. That was our sacred Responsibility what was done to you? Whether sinful acts of commission or omission was grievously wrong It should never have been allowed to happen We failed you we failed the church We failed the gospel yet. We are not left without hope we long for your restored trust Even on some distant day for your forgiveness curiae My name is David Brubecker a Canadian representative on the AMBS Board of Directors And I am Ron Gingrich one of the American representatives on the board of directors On behalf of the AMBS board of directors We are here to speak this word of lament and humble yet forthright commitment The AMBS board laments the terrible abuse That many women suffered from Chod Howard Yoder We lament our institutional failure Both as board and president to interbeing effectively To protect AMBS students and to publicly hold Yoder accountable We lament our institutional lack of transparency and even this interest to know the full story until these recent years We acknowledge that institutions are quick to protect ourselves and our reputations and To silence or marginalize the voices that we'd rather not heed or believe The AMBS board is committed to do all that is within our power To ensure that sexual abuse failure to intervene effectively lack of transparency An institutional self-protection at the expense of any person does not happen again We will do all that is within our power to ensure that policies are in place and adhered to In order to assure that AMBS is a safe place for everyone. We hold the president the ad cabinet and All the faculty and staff accountable to our sexual misconduct policies and procedures As well as any legal requirements that are related to sexual misconduct We will take appropriate and strong measures if these policies miscarry Including if necessary Calling on law enforcement We will continually review these policies to ensure that they remain effective in assuring everyone's safety We commit to listen carefully to those who speak up against things that are wrong or incomplete in the embassy's Ambulances policies or their implementation The end guess board commits doing everything within it's within our power to ensure that any person Who experiences abuse at the hands of anyone at AMBS has listened to that appropriate action is immediately taken to stop We will discern with the president and Academic dean how AMBS as a theological school Will critically teach and represent John Howard Yoder's writing written corpus In ways that are sensitive to the reality of his widespread Violation and abuse of women in particular As a board we humbly acknowledge that we are human and that AMBS is a human institution We therefore commit to rely on God's holy spirit to guide us and correct us when we may get it wrong We commit to pray for wisdom and courage to ensure the safety of all associated with the AMBS learning