 your parents live through you. Narcissistic parents often view their children as a way to serve their selfish needs and ambitions. The child's individuality is denied and the child simply becomes a mere extension and reflection of the parents. According to Melissa Berkeley, PhD, narcissistic parents love what their children can do for them and their children's achievements because of how they reflect well on them. Number two, your parents' love is conditional. Have you ever received showers of praise and affections when you get an A on a test? But as soon as you're confused about an assignment or get a bad grade, your parents tell you that you are a disappointment. For narcissistic parents, love comes with conditions. It's hard to receive unconditional and stable love from such parents. These parents only support their children for high achievement instead of letting their children explore what they're interested in and genuinely like. Such children will only feel secure and worthwhile when they're recognized as the best. Number three, your parents feel they are superior to others. Have your parents ever wanted you to stop interacting with a friend who came from a poor household or something similar? A narcissistic parent always feels superior to other people and often finds pleasure in advertising their material possessions, accomplishments, contacts with higher ups and our trophy spouse and children. They think they're special and should only associate with other special or high status people. They have no problem going out of their way to fish out flattery and to eco-boosting admiration from others. The key message is, hey, look at me, I have what you don't have. Number four, your parents are dismissive and unwilling to identify with your feelings and those of others. Have you ever tried to talk to your parents about something embarrassing that happened at school? Put your parents dismissed it and talked about something that happened to them at work that day. Narcissists see situations and people through a selfish lens. Such parents merely think of how a certain situation personally affects them and are unwilling to consider the feelings and thoughts of their children. Number five, your parents compare you to your siblings, friends and the kids of their friends. Narcissistic parents have a habit of engaging one child in needless comparison with another child or peers. Their intention is to use their children's inferiority as a motivator. What they want is for their children to fight for their attention and approval. Number six, your parents become furious when something doesn't go their way, no matter how small. Have you ever found yourself tiptoeing around your parents' temper? You feel like you're walking on eggshells. Narcissistic parents are often blinded to their own faults but are always keen to point out the flaws in others. A harmless misunderstanding with their children is viewed as a personal attack. They view themselves as perfect. Nothing can ever be their fault and they are always the victim. Number seven, your parents guilt trip you with fear, obligation and guilt. Have your parents ever used their own death to get you to feel bad about not wanting to do something? Narcissistic parents often use fear, obligation and guilt on their children to cause the feeling of guilt. They want their children to submit to their wishes without considering what their children really feel and think. Number eight, you struggle with healthy boundaries because there were none growing up. In narcissistic parenting, there is a refusal to acknowledge the child as separate from the parents as they view their child as an extension of themselves. This results in muddy boundaries with their children in which the children's boundaries overlap with their parents' boundaries in an unhealthy parasitic manner. The parents believe that they have the autonomy to define, dictate and dominate the children's thoughts, feelings, opinions and identity. Growing up with easily permeable and dysfunctional boundaries will hinder the children from developing healthy boundaries and future relationships. Number nine, your accomplishments are never your own doing. Consider this scenario. You receive congratulations from your school's principal for receiving a valedictorian award for your high school graduation. Your mother who is attending the award ceremony suddenly chimes in because I have put my full focus on her achievement since she was young and she gets it all from me. What are your thoughts about this scenario? What do you notice? The mother makes it all about her. It's thanks to her that she's been shaping her daughter that way since young. It's thanks to her that her daughter received the valedictorian award. She never associates the achievements with her daughter's own hard work who never validates the teacher's role in teaching her child. For narcissistic parents, they always steal the thunder and it always revolves around them. Number 10, you become codependent. Growing up with narcissistic parents can lead to a sense of loss of self in the children. Narcissistic parents often depend on their children for validation to get their narcissistic supply. The narcissists also control all facets of the children's life, thus hindering the children's autonomy and sense of independence. Due to this, the children become codependent. Codependent is defined as someone who feels accountable for another person's feelings, problems, and behaviors to the expense of themselves. They're willing to abandon their own safety, emotional, mental, and physical well-being to take care of their parents. If you find that the above points resonate with your relationship with your parents, it's highly recommended to seek therapy, especially if you're struggling with things like anxiety, depression, or trauma as a result. As for the narcissistic parent, it's very important for them to be motivated to improve themselves in order for a change to take place. Did you find this video valuable? Tell us in the comments down below. Please like and share it with friends that might find use in this video too. Make sure to subscribe to Psych2Go and hit the notification bell for more content. All the references used are added in the description box below. Thanks for watching and see you next time. See ya.