 You wouldn't be alone in assuming narcissists don't love anyone but themselves, but you'd actually be wrong because narcissists surprisingly do fall in love. In a sense, narcissistic love can be challenging to identify because it often masquerades as healthy love, which is why we want to supply you with the five harsh truths about narcissistic love. 1. They Never Loved You Let's face the hardest one first. Narcissistic love is often, if not always, one-sided. Renowned Gestalt Therapy Trainer Eleanor Greenberg says narcissists are not in love with the real you. Instead, they've fallen in love with their own carefully constructed fantasy about you. And when this fantasy falls apart, they become angry, bored, and nasty. They may say they love you, but with a narcissist, love is often transactional, like bad business exchange. They love what you offer them. The compliments, the praise, and devotion, not you. Not the real you, at least. Because the real you probably didn't fit the narcissist's picture-perfect fantasy. In his book The Psychology of Romantic Love, Canadian American psychotherapist Nathaniel Brandon states that to love a human being is to know and love his or her person. Love means getting to know someone, walking a mile in their shoes, and loving them for who they are. It means considering their feelings and making compromises. Narcissists don't like a compromise. It's often their way or the highway. As communications professor Brad Bushman of Ohio State University put it fast, narcissists are very bad relationship partners. 2. Never Enough You think that if you meet all their expectations and keep the compliments coming, a narcissist will never leave you. But this is simply not true. Teo Smith, a therapist with the Connolly Counseling Center, says, that is the curse of the narcissist. The praise, the adoration, all the accolades in the world can never fill the void they feel because it stems from an external source. According to Smith, overconfident behaviors and arrogance on the surface mask a deep need for validation and praise. But it's never enough. For the narcissist, no matter what you do to please them, a narcissist will always seek new sources for self-validation and possibly break your heart in the process. 3. I Can Fix Them We understand that you likely love your partner and want to help them. You're convinced you can help them be a better person and fix them in the process. But the main problem is that it's incredibly hard to help someone who refuses to see the problem, as described by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Narcissists lack empathy and are often unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. According to WebMD, there is no cure for narcissism, but talk therapy can help narcissists develop more realistic expectations of others. If your partner proves to be a narcissist and shows evidence that they want to change, therapy may be a good option for them. But they must want to change and better themselves for the therapy to work. A true blue narcissist likely won't change for you, so you shouldn't have to change for them. Yes, compromise is important in any relationship, but if your partner asks you to change who you are and what you value to uncomfortable and unreasonable lengths, it may be time to reconsider the relationship. Number four, hot and cold. Narcissists are known for playing mind games to get what they want. Master social worker Adina Mahali says that one of the ways that narcissists try to control you is by playing manipulative hot and cold games. They will compliment and criticize you, simultaneously build up and tear down your self-esteem. They will also often love bomb at the beginning of any relationship to establish a sense of security and trust. For more information on love bombing specifically, check out our video, X signs it's love bombing, not true love. Mahali advises everyone to take every action with a grain of salt and don't let the love bombing be a form of bribery towards you. After all, niceties shouldn't be conditional in any relationship. And number five, being on the receiving end of narcissistic love will leave you drained. Lastly, but no less important, being in a relationship with a narcissist can be emotionally and mentally exhausting. A narcissist will often put their needs above yours and expect you to meet every one of their demands despite your feelings and capabilities. Clinical psychologist and professor at Ishiva University, Sabrina Romanoff, confirms that dating someone with narcissistic personality disorder will often have you questioning your reality, feelings and behaviors. For example, your partner may say you're overreacting or being too sensitive, but it's important to face the reality that this person may not be the best fit for you, especially if their presence constantly leaves you anxious and exhausted. We understand that these are hard pills to swallow, especially if you're still convinced on some level that you're in love with the narcissist in question. But recognizing and accepting these harsh truths will be the first step in moving forward and obtaining genuine love. You deserve someone that will love and cherish you for the person you are and not want anything in return except your mutual love and respect. Love doesn't have to be a battlefield. If you suspect you're a partner of being a narcissist but aren't quite sure, check out our video 7 Signs Someone Is Secretly A Narcissist. If you found this video helpful, please like and share it with someone you think will benefit from these truths. To learn more about the dangers of narcissists in love, check out our video What Happens When A Narcissist Falls In Love. To stay up to date on new videos, hit the subscribe button. Until next time.