 This week on the anxious truth. We're going to talk about the difference between what I did to recover and why I did those things They're not the same and it matters Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the anxious truth. This is episode number 268 of the podcast We are recording in July of 2023 in case you are listening from the future I am Drew linsellata creator and host of the anxious truth This is the podcast that covers all things anxiety anxiety disorders and anxiety recovery So if you are struggling with things like panic attacks or agoraphobia, then this is the place for you I'm happy that you are here, and I hope you find the content helpful and applicable in your own journey If of course you are a returning listener or viewer on the YouTube channel, welcome back I'm glad you're here for episode 268 Today we're going to talk about kind of why I don't really talk that much about my own personal experience I wrote a book about it. It's true. You can get that book for free. It's called an anxiety story Just go to my website. Check it out. You can download it as a PDF for free and you can get it as an mp3 audio book download for free So yes, I did write that book because I think you have a right to know who you're listening to and who you're talking to But most of the time you will notice that when you ask me questions if you are in my social media community I very very rarely respond with well what I did was Because what I did mattered to me But the specifics of what I did and what you might do specifically Can vary because you are not me and I am not you This is where we have to respect individuality. We have to respect autonomy We have to understand that everybody does have a different experience in life You came into this process with different experiences that I came into mine So I cannot base the advice that I give you only on what I did because some of you may Identify with that it may resonate for some of you, but for others it won't resonate at all and that's just not fair So I cannot hold up my specific Activities in recovery as your model what I will do and what I have done And I think I've done consistently for quite a long time now is to talk about the principles underneath that Now yes from time to time I can bring my experience into this because in a way I think it informs the way I can teach you and it gives me a little bit more empathy And I do understand what you're going through and I know what it feels like. I know why you're asking the questions I know what you're afraid of so yeah, there's a benefit there and I will share that when it is appropriate But I want you to care more about why I did what I did Than to try to care or or mimic what I did I had a very specific set of things I was looking for for me. It was being home alone It was driving it was some intrusive thoughts that I had to deal with I had my own specific set of circumstances and my anxiety disorders looked My like my anxiety disorders and my particular combination of fears and distresses and symptomology Whereas yours might might look like mine, but it's likely going to look a little bit different So I'm going to try to concentrate more on the principles underneath what I did Then exactly what I did And I think that's important because I understand that when you are struggling You are going to try to find people who came before you So that you can get some inspiration. You can get a sense of hope This person did it. What did they do? Let me do what they did But in this thing that we're talking about Sometimes it's almost impossible to answer a question effectively by just telling you what I did So let me give you a concrete example of that and this is where I think things get a little bit sticky When you're looking for help in the realm of social media and a one to many model You know, this is a one to many model is one of me and many of you and I'm talking to many people at a time People will ask me questions About how to accept or how to let go or how do I surrender? But how do you do that? Right? It's probably the most common theme In terms of all the feedback that I get from from this audience that I'm privileged to be involved with That theme is okay. I hear you but how And usually the question but how is based on That seems so hard and so scary That I cannot imagine that there is a way to do that So can you please tell me how to do such a scary thing? And I I say all the time that at some point there's no instructions for doing scary things What I cannot do in that circumstance is to just tell you what I did Because essentially I would just be saying well, I was brave. Well, I did it anyway Well, I was brave and okay fair enough in the end. It is true that so much of this does come down to that But just telling you that I did it Doesn't really help you because that winds that puts you in a situation where you can wind up confused and feeling badly about yourself So if you ask me well, how do you do that? Well, how did you drive on the highway? And I say just did Well, it's true. I just did but there was such a wide variety of variables There was such a path that got me to the point where The pain of not driving on the highway outweighed the pain of driving on the highway And I cannot just say well, I got in my car and I just did it It's true that if you look at it purely from a behavioral standpoint, it would look that way But if I answer the question, how do you do hard things by just telling you what I did I am completely discounting and minimizing the way you're getting to that moment Which is completely would be completely unfair and it can leave you feeling confused. I still don't get it How come I can't get it? How come my gears can't do it, right? So when you ask How to do hard things and somebody just tells you what they did That's not an answer as to how to do hard things. It's it's not at all It's an example of somebody who did a hard thing So I could give you examples of hard things that I did But that doesn't tell you how I did it because you're not in my head. You didn't live my life I'm not living your life So it can be very very tricky and as much as I know You would hope that if I could tell you exactly what I did you can pretty much just mimic that and get better That's that's not necessarily true What I do base all of these things on is If you follow the principles that I followed which are the same principles That millions of people have followed and are following today Then you have a really high chance of success. You're giving yourself the in my theoretical orientation I have to always say that I think you're giving yourself the best chance of success in terms of full recovery if you do it following those principles Right cognitive behavioral principles toward, you know the way we approach an anxiety disorder But just telling you what I did. Here's what I did is not a good answer I just and this is now we start to get into personal opinion I just believe In in my bones that what I did was Is not a good answer that is not a nuanced answer It is completely ignoring the complexity of the problem It is completely ignoring the differences between one listener and another between one youtube viewer and another Between one member of your facebook group and another. It's not fair. It's one dimensional. It's confusing It's frustrating It can make people feel worse And if I were to just tell you what I did again and again and try to give you instructions and say just do what I did I would probably be doing doing more harm than help to you in the end More psychologically than anything else. So this is why I don't Generally answer questions with what I did And a lot of people want to ask about my experience and I'm happy to share that sometimes And I will always try and avoid just telling you what I did And if you like if you're in my instagram subscriber group You have seen this in action because it's normal for you guys to want to ask me and I don't mind that you ask me I never mind those questions by the way. I don't feel like you're prying. I this is not something I keep private clearly But I will tend to answer the questions with it doesn't matter what I did Let's talk about why I did it like what principle was I following when I did things? What what are you up against right now? Where are you stuck? Let's talk about your situation Let's not talk about what my situation is Because here's a here's a thing that it's you know took me a while to learn When I first fired up a microphone and started talking into this thing in 2014 to nobody You know, that's every podcast starts with zero audience And I just was winging it and figuring like well, I would try to help some people because I got a lot of help And I should pay it forward. Yeah, a lot of what I was saying was based Yes on an understanding of the principles I've always been sort of a nerd about this stuff and I've always kept abreast of it And I've done a lot of reading and I've educated myself before getting into formal education that I'm in right now But I would say a lot of it was based on my own personal experience And in fact in those early podcasts, I think I said that I'm not a doctor I'm not a therapist I said that in all the early versions of the podcast when it was still called that anxiety guy And I would say I'm just passing along what I learned did what I did So it was based a little bit more on my personal experience But over time when I get to talk to so many people and you guys teach me just like I try to teach you You learn That just my own experience that's not enough that is simply not enough to be helpful So I think the point I'm trying to make today is I know you're going to want to try to find out exactly what I did So you can mimic that and you might want to find other people and find out what they did so you can mimic that But you can't really mimic someone else's recovery Moment by moment step by step specific instruction by specific instruction because it generally won't apply Look for the principles that you see And apply those principles in your situation Because like I said, there's going to be nuances that is going to be different for everybody And I know it sounds like I'm being evasive if I refuse to answer questions about exactly what I did Or if you ask me what I did and I turn it back around and I kind of Ask you a question in return. I answer I answer your question with another question I know that can sound really frustrating, but I'm not trying to be evasive or private or hide things I'm not trying to be You know a difficult I'm not this is not like tough love as a brand I'm not trying to be hard It's just I'm trying to be responsible and I'm trying to point you in a direction I think would be more productive for you in the long term even though maybe in that little five minute moment You feel like you'd get some relief if I just told you what I did and I do understand sometimes It's okay to hear those things that is true, but there's so much nuance here, right? So look at me. I just spent 10 minutes telling you why I shouldn't tell you what I did But I also have to recognize that sometimes I can tell you what I did because it depends on the context It depends on who I'm talking to it depends on what the conversation is Because sometimes hearing those stories is good because it can give you a little bit of hope And it can maybe inspire you or encourage you just don't try to completely mimic someone else's recovery journey because you're not them And they're not you I'm not you you're not me How's that for 11 minutes of seemingly mindless rambling and I've tried to keep it focused here This is I'm not going to go on much longer about this, but I think it's an important thing that sometimes we miss Because you know last week on the podcast I talked about social media use and being more intentional in your use That's one thing you can do. So if you look at episode 267 of this podcast or on my youtube channel You can use the thing I'm talking about today Like well, what am I looking for today? Well, I'm looking to see somebody's particular experiences because I need a little bit of hope and inspiration Cool Then go get that look for a success story look for a win. I've done a bunch of podcast episodes that are success stories That's cool But know that like today I'm looking for inspiration. I'm looking for hope. I'm looking for encouragement Awesome, then go look at what somebody did and use it as such. This is inspiring me But it inspires me to act and within my context and to apply principles Not to try to follow that person's footsteps exactly step by step because it won't work That can help you be a little bit more intentional in the way you use social media. It's a productive thing to do But know when you've hit the limit of that Okay, I got to go back to that thing that drew was saying where I start to apply the principles And sometimes applying the principles of recovery Is really really hard because it's counterintuitive and it's just loaded with paradoxes and it doesn't make any sense And it requires that you be brave and do things you don't want to do It's super frustrating super frustrating And I know it might make sense if I could just tell me what you did and I'll do it I wish it would work that way because it would make life easier on everybody, but it's just that's not a good path to take Once in a while for inspiration once in a while for hope once in a while for encouragement But don't try to use someone else's recovery as the blueprint for yours Because you're not them. They're not you. I've probably said that 10 times now in this podcast episode I'm not you. You're not me and you can accidentally wind up more frustrated discouraged angry Impatient and maybe not feeling so good about yourself because why isn't this working if it worked for that person? And that's not fair to you Right we're always trying to give ourselves the best chance of recovery And we're also trying to make sure that we work realistically And that we don't put ourselves in a position where we're negatively judging ourselves or losing hope for no good reason That's not fair. That's not cool. And that's it. That is this episode of the podcast in a nutshell Not a terribly long version of the podcast But it's something that it's been on my mind that I meaning to talk about it and today was a day lucky you So as always I will ask you that if you are listening to this podcast on Apple podcast or Spotify someplace where you can rate and review the podcast and you like it give it a five star review If you have a minute or two, maybe write a review say something nice about it And it helps more people find the podcast and more people get help Of course, if you're listening on youtube because there's nothing to watch today Thank you. Maybe hit the subscribe button hit the notification bell So you know when I upload new episodes leave a comment I answer all the comments on youtube by going at least twice a week left interact with you guys there But I think that's it go check out all the goodies that I have on my website at the anxious truth dot com The other books are there workshops and courses other podcast episodes a ton of social media content Take advantage of all the resources and remember No matter what you do today do something good for yourself Even if it's hard to do it doesn't have to be huge Every step counts. They all add up. They will get you there in the end I'll see you next week. Don't know what we're going to talk about, but I'll be here. Take care Hey before I forget if you like this podcast, you'll love disordered It's the podcast I do with josh Fletcher and new episodes come out every friday. You can find us at disordered.fm