 If you can see this message, you must find an object to immediately plug your ears. If you have earplugs or noise-canceling headphones, they will work best. If you can't access these items, a fabric obstruction over the ears, such as a pillow will work. You must keep your ears covered and reduce your hearing as much as possible for the next hour. The reason you must keep your ears covered is classified, but be assured that uncovering your ears will result in death. Please disregard any unnatural growth of plants or animals you know this within your environment. Please use pesticide, antibacterial, and fungicide spray to destroy unnatural growths in your home. You will be informed when the situation is resolved, and you may unplug your ears.