 Well, I never thought I'd be saying this in a million years, but I can really relate to Tanimojo And I'm sure a lot of you can too if you came from a screwed up child What's up everybody, this is Chris from the rewired soul where we talk about the problem But focus on the solution and if you're new to my channel my channel is all about mental health And sometimes what I do is I take what's going on in the YouTube community Try to see what we can learn to improve our own mental and emotional well-being So if you're into that stuff make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell and yeah, Tanimojo She she mentioned that she was gonna be making a video and wow she made an hour long video Okay, so yeah, I just I just checked it out And she made this on the tail of a bunch of stuff going on people are upset with her recent MTV unfiltered or no filtered episodes and she wanted to clear some things up But yeah, she actually opened up got really vulnerable. It's probably my favorite video I've seen of Tanimojo's like ever Alright, but yeah, like I said, I know I could relate to a lot and I'm sure a lot of you can too So I want to discuss here some of my experience as well some things that have helped me out Over the years, but before I get started like you saw in the disclaimer at the beginning of this video I am not a licensed professional. I'm just a dude trying to work on my own mental health And I'm always trying to learn from other people's experiences see where I can relate and Maybe some things that I'm not addressing that I need to keep working on right So I try to come on here and discuss it with all of you beautiful people out there. All right, so Anyways Just be warned to I might make a few videos on this there's so much to break down and discuss So just just be warned about that. But anyways, Tanimojo opens up about, you know, struggling with depression and Going through 2019, but also she goes back into her childhood and she discusses, you know, how difficult Her childhood was and how that affected her growing up and turning into a young woman into adulthood It's not something that I like talk about or open up about a lot online But like I don't even know how to say it but like my childhood was just the worst thing on earth And I'm very lucky to have gotten out of that But obviously I spent like 15 years of my life being so incredibly emotionally abused and physically abused and like mentally abused And just like tormented and like I was raising myself all of those years and like I built up so much Hatred for my parents and like so much anger for like the entire life that they'd given me And it was like instantly I got thrown into this way out and obviously when you have a way out of a life like that You're going to take it, especially when it's the thing you're most passionate about And like I can I can relate there like those of you who don't know like not only am I a drug addict now alcoholic and recovery I've been sober for seven and a half years, but my mom was an alcoholic until I was 20 and I started hating the world and I had all these built-up emotions and feelings and Everything that I I didn't I didn't it wasn't even that I didn't want to deal with them I didn't know how to deal with them like one of the reasons I do this channel is because Nobody ever talked to me about my mental health when I was younger and I became very not only angry but depressed and anxious There were so many things that affected me from having an alcoholic mom And I had a dad who was raising me, but he worked all the time. He was gone all the time. That's very difficult For a child when they're growing up All right but something Something that I realized later on much later on in life is That I needed and I had a choice. Okay, I had a choice to either accept What my parents are or forgive them and move forward like it was just one of those two things Like we get so caught up in trying to like I think about it Like fighting the waves of the universe. All right, like we're just going against these waves And we're just don't understand why it's not working. We have so much resistance And we're constantly wishing and hoping that things were different than the way they are and that makes us absolutely Miserable, okay So if you're somebody like me who struggled with this type of childhood growing up just realize that you have a choice Okay, like I understand like for me personally and this is just what helps me so Take with it what you will but like for me like I know it's it's your family I know it's your parents and things like that but Something I had to do something. I absolutely had to do I had to cut I had to cut family members out of my life for at least a little while why I figured some stuff out and I had to do that for my own mental health. I Absolutely had to do that for my mental health like Trying to force this like square peg into a round hole It just wasn't working for me and it was driving me absolutely nuts like Tanimojo discusses in this these ongoing problems You know that she's had with her parents since she was a child like the emotional abuse and everything like that And she talks about how that spiraled into relationships And we need to understand too that the relationships that we get into a lot of that is based on our childhood If we had a toxic childhood if we grew up in toxic relationships It sets the stage for the relationships that we get in later in lives. It has this whole Ripple effect, right? Tanimojo talks about you know, like her mom coming down for Christmas and this massive fight that they got into So the first thing let's talk about real quick is forgiveness like forgiveness of our past forgiveness of our childhood So for me, I think Like I think one of the things that helped me out But I know you can benefit from this too. One of the things that helped me out was when I became a father All right, so look at Tanimojo Tanimojo like if she if she takes a look at her life, you know What's presented on the internet and you know everything from you know Her her scandals or controversies or drama Tanacon all those things like a lot like she has a song called f up right like I'm an f up Right. So when you look at that and you look at yourself, you're just like, oh, well I'm not I'm not doing all that great in life and a major part of forgiveness and forgiving the past is empathy Empathy empathy empathy empathy empathy, right? So someone in Tanimojo situation or even my situation, right when I got older I had to look at how screwed up I was I was so screwed up I was so screwed up and you know what it was so easy to blame my parents and trust me trust me They they had a lot of fault in this thing, right? But it was so easy for me to point the finger and blame them for why I was so screwed up But here's where empathy comes in Why are they screwed up? See, we don't get past that point of thinking how they affected us But once we take one step further and say what affected them Did they have a screwed up childhood? Did their parents screw them up? So then when they became parents, they screwed me up and this This is just this huge epiphany, right and then we take it on to decide whether or not We're gonna break the cycle and I'm happy to say with my son I think I've broken that cycle. He has you know an amazing amazing mother, right? And we co-parent like you know, we split custody and everything like that But I I got sober when he was three years old, you know And I do my best to be an amazing father to him today But if not that cycle just continues like if I didn't get sober if I just stayed screwed up and didn't work on my mental health He grow up probably treat his kids like crap, right? So anyways when it comes to forgiveness empathize empathize why are people the way they are it's easy to just think oh Well, they suck. They're evil. They're terrible. They were just born with this like you know, this demon You know, and they're just an awful person But we have to realize it's something probably screwed them up once we realize that When we think about how screwed up we are and what happened to us and we empathize with them things get a lot easier All right, but the next thing we'll talk about Is this clip right here? I look back now and I realize I just like wanted to be sad not necessarily wanted But it's like all I could do and I was just getting more and more and more and more depressed and when I get really depressed I like shut down completely. There's nothing anyone can say to me that is going to get me out of it I like stopped getting out of bed for days. I literally stopped going to the bathroom I hold my pee and will like literally lay there in bed for days until I'm like struggling like that's how Depressive I get it's like everything my body just like can't do it and this like level of depression was so Different than anything I'd ever felt in my life. Like I thought I'd wanted to die in the past I thought I'd been depressed in the past, but it was like like sometimes we just got to let go We just got to let go man. I just finished Rereading this book one of my favorite books. It's called good reasons for bad feelings It's the evolutionary psychology behind a lot of different mental health issues like depression anxiety, you know Eating disorders addiction everything like that But anyways, I don't have time to go all the way into it But one of the reasons that we experience low mood which can turn into depression is Because we evolved that way because saying to give up to let go right like if you were out there picking berries Right and the berries like ran out on that bush and you just kept spending time there You might die because you spent too much time on this empty bush that has no berries So we evolved in a way for our mind to say like it's time to let go of this thing, right? So think about that for a second How much of your depression is because you're not letting go right because you're not letting go of a relationship? Because you're not letting go of a job because you're not letting go of things whatever it is, right? You keep trying you stay in that job that makes you miserable You stay in that relationship because you're miserable because you can't accept that this thing sucks And it's time for you to bounce, right? so Although my parents and I have an amazing relationship today Like I mentioned earlier that came a point where I realized how much it was affecting my mental health because I I Refused to let go and finally I I actually told my mom this was about when I was a year and a half sober So I'm like listen. I love you, but I can't talk to you for a while I need to distance myself from you for a few months Like that's what I did and I do even say a few months Actually, I just said for a while until I figure this stuff out and during that time it was a lot of soul surging It was a lot of like hey, can I accept her the way she is because here's the thing Like I want you to think about this real quick when you are 20 something years old. How old are your parents, right? Do you really think do you really think that they're gonna change after doing this their entire life? Are they going to change now? Don't get me wrong like some families go to family therapy and things like that, but We can't set our expectation that they're going to go to therapy that they're gonna work on their issues from childhood, right? So we either accept it or we eliminate it So during my break and my soul searching I realized that I just had to accept it my expectations just Went out the window and I'm like, this is how you are I'm just gonna deal with it and it's my choice of whether or not I'm gonna let it affect me anymore Okay, but the last thing I want to talk about is Tana discusses her her substance abuse problem It's just so sad as time goes on and seeing how much they like don't understand me and never will and obviously just like Feeling alone in that. I feel like that night was the night that I like really picked again And that is another video I've actually already filmed for this series talking about like drugs and their effect on me and how it's you know How I've kind of struggled with that like my entire life And yeah, like listen guys like this is how my addiction started I was just trying to numb all the pain all the sadness everything and I'm so free I'm so free today And it's something that I just hope for everybody out there that I don't have to run for my feelings and emotions anymore I don't need to numb myself Anymore and it's come from a lot of hard work like when I first got sober it was 12-step programs I now do a million different things for my mental health the journaling meditating but most importantly like I do therapy man like I do therapy and Again, I'm so proud of 10 mojo opening up and being very vulnerable about this and there's so much more to talk about in her video But like although I'm proud of her for opening up like listen Here here's my one thing and this is just my opinion my opinion if You have the resources if you have the money for therapy Like what are you doing? What are you doing? Why are you not in therapy? Why are you not giving it a try, right? And if you have tried it and your therapist sucked find a new one man, like what's worse? What's worse this total self-destructive behavior because we don't want to address our emotions or Doing some therapy Figuring out how to work with them figuring out different strategies and tools like there's plenty of therapies that are rooted In science, you know what I'm saying, so it bumps me out when I see millionaire youtubers who are just You know Self-sabotaging self-destructive behavior all these things and they're not getting help and trust me I get it It's scary to get help. It's scary to walk into a situation saying alright here. I am I'm about to address all the things that I've been running away from for years. I get that but like Which type of life do we want to live? Right, which road do we want to go down? You know what I'm saying? So if you have the resources give it a try give it a try and if you don't have the resources There are so many other things that you can do. I've done videos I've done blog posts about things you could do if you can't afford therapy There are so many things that you can do on your own and I realize this when I went to 12-step meetings You don't got to do it because there's a good chance that you're not an addict or an alcoholic But 12-step meetings were free and that built the strongest foundation like if I didn't do that I wouldn't be working on my mental health today, but it was free. Okay, there are plenty of support groups There are plenty books that you could buy with cognitive behavioral therapy dialectical behavioral therapy every form of therapy You can think of there is a book on it. There are worksheets. There are workbooks There are so many different things. There are free support groups online. You know what I'm saying but anyways like I Hope I don't know like I hope people can empathize with Tana a little bit more I know I definitely can after hearing a little bit more of her story and The last thing I'll say is Like our childhood is not an excuse for our behavior But it gives it gives us a reason that we can look at and start working on saying oh, that's why I'm so screwed up It's time to work on that recently in therapy. It was just brought to light some old behaviors I have coming back up that are rooted in my childhood. So it's like oh, okay those those just started growing again time to address those right and there was a triggering event that Happened that my therapist helped me realize. All right, but anyways Again, like I said, I might do a few videos on Tana's video because it was an hour long and there's multiple things To discuss it so just be prepared But that's all I got for this video if you like this video Please give it a thumbs up if you're new make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell and a huge huge Thank you to everybody who supports the channel around patreon as well as everybody who supports the channel by buying my mental health Books at the reward soul calm as well as everybody who supports the channel by getting merch from the merch store All right. Thanks again for watching. I'll see you next time