 So you deserve a man who thinks that you are too important to lose. So if you really want to get into a great relationship, which obviously is what I'm suggesting that you do, you really need to believe it. You need to believe that you deserve to have what it is that you want. And so I'm going to be talking today about a concept that I call sacred. Right? It's obviously not a new concept. I didn't come up with this concept, but I'm going to be applying it. How can you apply this idea of being sacred to your own life so that you can make sure that you get into a relationship where you have a guy who feels like you are special, unique, different, amazing, exactly what he's looking for in his life and somebody that absolutely doesn't want to let you go. So hi, my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. And so let's talk a little bit about this idea of being sacred. So our society teaches us a lot about how we're really no longer special. We're no longer sacred. There's lots of us. We're everywhere. You have to do all these things in order to be enough. There's commercials out there. I was actually talking to a friend of mine today and we're talking about this idea of having values, right? Having values kind of integrated into the foundation of who you are and how our society doesn't really teach us that for the most part anymore. And what's happening now is a lot of people are getting sucked in to all the commercials, all the marketing, all the media. And we kind of get into this space where we're like trying to, you know, we believe in whatever the commercials are telling us, which a lot of the times is you need to do more. You need to be more. You need to, you know, do all these things and don't get me wrong. I do believe that it's incredibly valuable to become the best version of yourself and to continually grow and develop yourself into the best human being that you absolutely can be. However, it's also important that you realize that you are already sacred, right? You are already somebody, when you meet a man, you can absolutely be a blessing to him and his life and create a great connection. And most men, at least they used to, men used to kind of come from the space back in the day where they looked at women as sacred. They looked at women as kind of this amazing, beautiful, interesting, different, kind of strange, a little bit crazy, maybe a little bit interesting, right? They don't really understand them, but there's somebody that they should almost worship, right? And treat well and appreciate and love and care for. And our society's kind of shifted into this world of the hookup culture where, you know, people are just settling for random hookups with just about anybody. And we don't really appreciate each other as much anymore. We aren't really connecting with each other as much anymore. We don't really value each other as much anymore. And so you need to realize that you are sacred. In fact, you're a woman, a life giver, the holder of emotion and magic and grace and beauty. And my suggestion is that you own that so that you can make sure that you end up in a really great relationship where a guy actually believes that and thinks that about you as well. There's a concept that I've talked about before on here called the law of belief transference. And this law states that whoever believes something with more certainty than the other person will end up transferring that belief that they have to the other person. And so if you believe that you don't deserve a great relationship, you don't believe that you're really worthy of a great guy and you end up meeting a great guy, no matter how much he really likes you and he thinks that you're great and he appreciates you and he values you, if you're coming from that space of not believing it yourself, you'll end up transferring that belief over to him so that he doesn't believe it as well. And then next thing you know, he's going to be pulling away. He's going to be going cold on you. He's going to be telling you things like he's not really sure. He's confused. He doesn't know what he wants and all kinds of things like that. And that's absolutely what you don't want and what I want to make sure that you avoid. If you're here with us right now in the chat, make sure you say hi and tell us where in the world you're watching this from. It's cool to see women from all over the world watching these live streams. So let's talk about what this means, right? What does being sacred mean? So here are some things that I think that you should make sacred for yourself. One is make your attention sacred. Make access to you sacred. Make emotional intimacy with you sacred. Make access to your body sacred. So don't put photos on social media. Don't send naked photos to men. That's part of making your body sacred. Don't just sleep around with guys because you're sacred, right? Next one is make physical intimacy sacred, which is what I was just talking about. Don't sleep around. Don't sleep with a guy without him earning it first. And we'll talk a little bit here in a minute about what that means by him earning it. Make who you are sacred. So how do you do all of this? How do you create this kind of sacred thing? And one of the biggest concepts that you need to think about is this idea of making him work for it. So there's something that I call the investment principle. And the investment principle, what it states is that the more a man invests in you, the more that he invests in you from his time, energy, effort, emotions and anything. A lot of times when I talk about investment, women will start talking about money, right? Which is also a type of investment, but really what you want is emotional investment. You want time investment. You want him to sit around and think about you and contact you and talk to you and open himself up and be vulnerable around you when he starts doing those things, when he starts investing in you, he starts feeling like you're too important to him in order to lose, right? There's something called the sunk cost fallacy out there, which actually comes from investing. And the sunk cost fallacy, what it states is that the more somebody puts into something, the more they value something, right? And so you want him to value you really highly. That's what we're talking about in being sacred, right? Sacred is something that you really value. It's something that you put up here, right? It's something that's really important to you. And there's lots of different things that people have that are sacred. Sometimes people make time sacred. Sometimes people make objects sacred. Sometimes people make people sacred. Sometimes people make areas that they go to and hang out in sacred. And so my suggestion is that you make yourself sacred. And so how do you do that? Well, there's kind of the one aspect which is you're making him work for it, which is what I'm talking about, which is what I was talking about before. Don't just give yourself away to a guy because you feel it for him. We get so many women, so many women who come to us and they're like, oh, I've been seeing this guy and I really felt it for him. But, you know, I didn't want to ruin anything by asking him the wrong questions because I know that guy, this is what I hear all the time. I know that guys are scared of talking about commitments and I know that guys are scared of talking about feelings and, you know, what they're looking for and all of those things. And let me tell you guys, the only guys that are scared of talking about commitment are guys who are scared of how you're going to react when they tell you what they're actually looking for. And so most guys are actually pretty open about what they're looking for and what they want, especially a guy that's actually looking for a commitment and looking for a relationship and looking to get married or have a great, amazing relationship at some point in the future. And so don't get too freaked out about asking him questions like that. Don't be afraid of asking him what he's looking for because those will indicate whether you should actually be with this guy or not. And so what I was talking about before was how, I'm like running off on tangents here, what I was talking about before was how a lot of women come to us and they'll end up hooking up with the guy and they won't ask him those questions and then next thing you know, they'll end up in a situation where they're in a friend with benefit situation because they never asked the guy what he was looking for. They never stopped to make sure that they're getting into a good situation where they're getting exclusivity where he was actually looking for a commitment where he's looking for something down the road and so they end up in the situation where if, and by the way if you don't ever talk to a guy about whether you're exclusive or not you can just assume that you're not until you do. And so for a lot of these women end up in these friend with benefit situations and then they're trying to go from that place where they've already put themselves down lower, right? Because most guys if they hook up with you and they hook up with you fast and you're not requiring these things to happen in order for that to occur then they usually will slot you, many times they'll slot you into a different category. And there's actually been studies that have been done on this where the studies have determined that some only when somebody is trying to go from a friend with benefits casual situationship into a committed relationship that only one in seven to one in nine times does it actually make it there. And so you want to make sure that you're setting yourself up from the very beginning to be in the kind of relationship that you want to be. If you just want a friend with benefit situation don't be surprised when you end up catching feelings for him and then wanting something more but he doesn't want something more with you and that's the worst kind of situation that you can be in. So if you are in that situation there is a possibility for you like I said I actually have a program on it it's called the devotion, the devotion switch the devotion switch and you can get it at commitmentconnection.com forward slash devotion. So anyway let's go back to these things how do you make yourself sacred? You really have to believe that you're valuable enough to have the relationship that you want and like I said because of the belief of the law of belief transference if you don't believe that then he's not going to believe it either and so you have to change the way that you think about yourself change what you say to yourself so a lot of women will think to themselves and feel and have certainty around this idea that they're not really good enough that they're not really worth it that men don't like them that they're never going to find a man who wants to be with them that men don't want commitment that men only want to hook up that they have to give in to the hook up culture because that's what men just want right now and you need to change all of those beliefs if you have some of those beliefs those beliefs are going to stop you from actually getting into the kind of relationship that you want and it's going to end up making you settle for something that's not worthy of who you are and so you want to start believing things like I'm lovable I'm valuable, I'm beautiful, I'm a masterpiece I'm the type of woman that men want to be with men want to chase me, men want a commitment with me men are going to value me and cherish me and love me and not all men are going to do that however you need to make sure that you set yourself up for the best possible situation and if they aren't doing that then you need to communicate that three different things and we're going to be talking about those three things here in just a minute if you get what I'm talking about say I get it in the chat if you don't get what I'm talking about feel like I'm rambling a little bit too much let me know or ask whatever questions that you have and whatever you want to talk about I'll talk about any situation that you're in or if you just want to chat talk about something you talk about over coffee because you just love talking to Matt Coast and I'm here and I'm ready to talk with you and chat I'm mostly joking there alright so actively work to grow and become a better version of yourself this is part of believing that you're sacred and creating a sacred space for yourself you want to believe that you're worthy and that you're deserving and that you're enough and you also want to develop and grow yourself and become a better version of yourself and learn how to better connect with men and get better at something confidence actually comes from competence so the better that you can get at something the more confident you'll be in that space and so one of the ways that you do that with this is learning how to better communicate your value when you learn how to communicate your value you'll be a lot more confident when you actually do communicate your value because you've practiced it you've thought about it you've learned how to do it you'll be a lot more confident in doing it and so there's three different types of ways to communicate your value to a man the first one is through standards and standards are communicating things like one your preferences, things that you like and things that you don't like that's setting a standard another way to set standards is to talk about things that you think are attractive so if you're talking to a guy and you're like yeah I really think it's attractive when guys act like gentlemen and open doors for me and pull out my chair and make me feel protected and loved and cared for or whatever it is that you're looking for a guy to do just communicating what your standard is saying what you think is attractive or if he's doing it for instance let's say he opens a door for you and you say wow that was really attractive I really like that and just communicating that you think that something that he's doing is attractive and that's actually setting a standard and he's going to hear that he's going to hear you say something like that to him and then he's going to want to do it again and again and again and again because he's thinking okay I'm winning with her which is what men want to do they want to make you happy and they want to win with you and if he feels like he can do that with you and you're leading him to doing things that make him win and that make you happy then he's going to want to continue to do those things he's going to feel like he's winning with you he's going to want to go on more dates with you because he thinks he's having a great time he's connecting with you he likes you the second way to communicate your value is to communicate your boundaries and we've talked a lot about boundaries and other videos for a real quick recap of it the way that you communicate boundaries is let's say that he's pushing your boundaries which is something that guys do all the time and they're going to do all the time because that's kind of one of their jobs is to see where the boundaries lie with you and so what he might end up doing is let's say that he let's say that he tries to like do something with you that you aren't really ready for yet for instance instead of just outright rejecting him which is what a lot of women do and they're like no no no I'm not doing that I'm not interested which can a lot of times make a guy think that you're actually rejecting him there's two types of rejections one's a hard rejection the other one's a soft rejection a hard rejection is when you are like no I'm not interested I don't want to do that a soft rejection is like not yet not yet you're interested but not yet it's kind of a thought process of communicating like if you play your cards maybe at some point I'll be interested in that and so you want to lead him on if you're using a boundary what you do is you tell him what it is that you want or tell him the things that you like about him or something like that so it's either telling him what you want or telling things that you like about him so you might say you know I'd love to do that in the future that's telling him what you want if you're telling him things that you like about him you might say I really love hanging out and talking to you and communicating with you and then you say your boundary so you say maybe so let's say you're doing it from the beginning so you say I you know I maybe I'd like to do that that sounds like it would be really fun sometime in the future however I'm not quite ready for that right now I'd rather we get to know each other a little bit better first does that sound alright and so the third part of the boundary is asking a question and making sure that he agrees to it because then if he agrees to it he's caught into doing that right he's like he's set up in a position where he needs to do that and if he doesn't do that then he actually then then you know that he's intentionally breaking your boundaries and you can go on to number three which is the third way of communicating your boundaries which is walking away and so when you walk away it's not necessarily forever right you can walk away from a situation but still be interested if he's willing to put in the energy and the effort in order to win you back but if he's not willing to put in the energy and the effort in order to win you back then you might be from you know in a space where you're like okay I am you know we're not going to do this anymore and so you walk away so let's say that he does something right that you really don't like and so walking away is usually for a situation that you really don't like so let's say that you know he flirts with another girl right you guys are out and he flirts with another girl or he says something or he does something that's a little bit over the line right just a little bit over the line I mean if you know it's like really intentional like he walks away from you and starts flirting with a girl on the other side of the room that might be a problem but if a waitress comes over and he just says you know something cute and flirty or whatever and you're not really comfortable with that you know you could you know end up walking away from that situation or you could set a boundary depending on how bad it is right and if you walk away what you want to do is wait until he communicates with you he contacts you you know and have some kind of procedure for what you want in order for him to re-enter your life which might be an apology it might be him being like hey I'm not going to do that again you know and being really serious with you it might be that you know it's too much and you're not willing to accept anything like that back into your life okay and then another way of making yourself sacred is by positioning yourself in value and I talk a lot about this in the forever woman program you can check it out at the foreverwomanformula.com and so one of the ways that you do this is to get into abundance it's something that I call abundance the abundance principle which basically what it is is it's what abundance is is having options right having options and connections so that you're not coming from a space of being needy and clingy and desperate and so what happens with a lot of the women who come to us initially is that they will be in a space where they're just they're just dating one guy right and the guy's not even that serious about him her but she's like totally already like okay I'm just dating this one guy and some women do this on the first contact right so if you you know just start talking to each other or you just go on one date they're like okay this is the only guy that I'm going to date and if I date anybody else it feels like I'm cheating well my suggestion is that you date multiple people at a time don't sleep with any of them don't sleep with any of them just don't date multiple people at a time so that you're not coming from a space of I need it to work out with this one woman or this one guy or else right if you're coming from the space of it has to work with this one guy then you're going to be a lot more attached and invested in it working with this one guy and if he does something that maybe normally would be against your boundaries or against what you actually want you might walk away but since this is the only guy you're like well I'm going to have to try to manipulate and force and control and try to you know push it to work with him which is a really bad situation to be in instead you want him to be trying to convince you that you are the right woman for him and that you should date him instead of any other guy and the best way to do that is by putting yourself into a world of abundance talk to the women in our community about this lots of women have done this after I've suggested it to them and it's completely changed their lives it's completely changed their dating because all of a sudden it's not this one guy it's which one of these guys is going to step up and start pursuing me and start trying to create the relationship that I want to have with them and so what you do is you shine the light you shine the light on the type of relationship that you want to have and then you let him lead you to the promised land you let him lead you to creating that relationship that you want so that's getting into abundance the second part of positioning yourself in value is making sure that you take advantage of everything that you might and possibly can there's a woman on our last live stream who is talking about how there's more men in the world than there are women and so it's harder for women because there's more men well there are billions of people on this planet let me tell you and there are lots of places that you can go where there are more men than there are women and men tend to try to do things more they're trying to step up their game more in order to be with the women that are around that area and so my suggestion to you is whatever you need to do to put yourself in the best position possible depending on how serious you are about this if that means that you are in a rural town and you in order to have abundance and be around guys that don't all know each other you might have to go to a bigger town in order to start dating there or doing something where you're putting yourself into a place where men tend to value women more so some cities especially the cities where there are more men than there are women places like Denver places like San Diego I'm sure there's a lot of other places just look up the places where there is a lot of competition for women and you can go to those kinds of places if you want to obviously it can take a lot if you work somewhere and you can't up and move or whatever but it's not about this one thing right it's about doing it as much as you can you can't meet a whole bunch of guys because of whatever situation you're in in person you can also do online dating I know a lot of women I had a client not too long ago who is like she's against online dating she's like I'm not going to date online and you know I will never do that it's horrible online dating and there are a lot of challenges with online dating for both men and for women however it can quickly put you into a place of abundance and you can quickly start meeting and getting connected with other guys and start feeling like you're less and less attached to making things happen with one guy with online dating or whatever right and so you just want to figure out what are the best ways to position myself so that I can be so that I can have the highest advantage in my dating life and just put yourself into that situation assuming that you're single and not in a relationship alright so the next one is stop judging yourself and so what you want to do is start learning to fully accept yourself so this is a piece of being sacred and believing that you're sacred is stop judging yourself learn to fully accept yourself especially the dark parts so the parts that you're ashamed of the parts that you're scared of the parts that you think are gross or nasty or the worst parts of yourself you know accept those and there's also another side which is kind of the light side right learning to love the light side of yourself the parts where and you might say to yourself well why wouldn't I love the light parts of myself the best parts of myself the most excellent parts of myself well a lot of people kind of deny those things I've been going to a lot of Tony Robbins events over the last eight months or so and one of the things that I noticed that people do at those events is they will start talking to Tony and they will say things like you Tony you did this you know you are the one that created all these changes for me in my life and to a certain extent yeah he gave them information and he gave them tools and resources to help them do it but they did it right you did it right you have those amazing parts of yourself and the way that you find out which amazing parts of yourself that you're not fully accepting and fully embracing is to look around you and look at people that you really admire and see what qualities they have and see which qualities you they have that you admire and then take those qualities on and say how do I have those qualities as well and am I not really fully embracing those qualities I'm going to be putting a program together about how to really love yourself and find those parts and accept those parts at some point here hopefully in the near future so just watch out for that and so the next part of really believing that you're sacred and thinking that you're sacred is changing the questions that you ask yourself so the way whatever you whatever you ask yourself whatever questions you ask yourself you will start focusing on that thing right and whatever you focus on you start to feel and whatever you feel you end up receiving and so if you change your questions you can change how you experience your life and how much you love your life and how much you enjoy your life and what you experience in your life and so here are some questions that you might want to ask yourself and the main question here is what if and so ask yourself what if I am enough what if I am deserving what if I am blessed what if I am exactly what a great man is looking for what if I am whole what if I am beautiful what if I am worthy what if I am in control what if I have the power what if I am on the right path what if I am desirable what if I am worth more and so make a study of these questions if you want to I'll throw these questions in the description here later and you know ask yourself at least one of those questions every day and just repeat it over and over again and just you know think about it think about what if you are deserving what if you're enough you know what if you're blessed what if you're exactly what a great man is looking for and sometimes when I talk about this idea of being enough women will talk about well I'm not enough for this one guy right and we're talking about switching your mindset here from I'm trying to make everything work with this one guy to I am sacred I am enough and if this guy doesn't see that then he's putting himself out of the competition for who is going to end up winning me in the end and so you want to make sure that you're thinking about it and changing your mindset and not making it about a guy instead making it about the relationship what if you are enough for that relationship that you want to get in and if you're enough then what does that mean what does that mean for you and what could that mean for you what if you're deserving what if you really do have the power what if you really do have more control than you really think that you do what if you're worth more than what you've been settling for up into this point in your life with your relationships with the men that you've been dating with everything that you've been doing what if you're worth more so that's it for this this video if I'm going to do question and answer here so if you have any questions I'm going to answer on here but you know I'm just going to do a real quick recap so we're talking about being sacred making sure that your attention is sacred your access is sacred your time is sacred your emotional intimacy is sacred access to your body is sacred physical intimacy is sacred who you are is sacred and so make him work for it believe that you're valuable enough to have the relationship you want with yourself actively work to grow and become a better version of yourself position yourself in value stop judging yourself and change the way that you talk to yourself what questions you ask yourself on a daily basis and start focusing on the answers to questions of what if what if I'm deserving what if I am blessed what if I have grace running through me what if I have the power what if I am in control what if I am worth more than what I've been settling for right now in my life alright so let's see what kind of questions everybody has here so hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi Texas New York so Amanda says hello Matthew thank you for all your hard and compassionate work well you are absolutely welcome and I'm glad that this has been helping you so I appreciate you being here and I appreciate you being a allowing me to be a part of your journey to getting into the relationship that you want to be in so I'm going to totally butcher this name but the floor of the floor of the floor of the says thanks for all the inspiring words Matthew you're absolutely welcome I'm glad that they inspire you so Katie says why do guys block you from him for no reason one minute he's nice in the next minute in the next you see he blocked you seriously don't get guys well there is actually a reason Katie there's a reason why he blocked you and so you have to accept that there's a reason that he blocked you because you can't always get you know closure with every situation and not every situation really deserves closure every guy deserves closure and if he blocked you that means that there's a reason why he felt like there's something that there's not right there it could be that you know it's something that you communicated with him or something that he saw in your profile that he didn't like or it could be that you know there's something going on with him that he's not really you know ready for what it is that you want or he's not willing to step up to the plate do what it is that you want or he might feel like he's not really in the type of person or in the right space to be in the type of relationship there's a ton of different reasons why men might do this and it all boils down to he's cutting himself off from being the right guy for you and that there's somebody else who's going to treat you better and connect with you better who's not gonna block you who's going to want to communicate with you who's going to wanna be with you who's gonna think that you're a blessing to him in his life who's gonna think that you're sacred who's gonna think that you're wonderful who's going to want to love you and care for you and hold you and tell you that you're amazing and awesome and that he's never gonna wanna let you go and that you know he doesn't wanna lose you and that's the kind of guy that you should be waiting for into a relationship with not a guy who's blocking you. And absolutely it can be frustrating. It can be absolutely frustrating. People are blocking each other and ghosting on each other all the time these days, even if they've been seeing each other for a while. Sometimes people just disappear. Sometimes women will just disappear. Sometimes guys will just disappear. And there could be a whole bunch of different reasons for it. And the most important reason is that he is disqualifying himself from being the right guy for you. So the RA says hot message and topic. Well, I'm glad that you think that this is a hot message and topic. So Solvig says, I need Spaceman. I don't know what Spaceman means, but cool. Go for it. Go for Spaceman. She says, your awesome Matthew greetings from Iceland. Well, greetings. Solvig. Solvig. Yeah, so let's see what else people have. Aleuma Igway says, wonderful. I love this one. I'm glad you love this. Sorry for butching your name. So Natalie says, hi from Australia. Loving your advice. Well, I'm glad you're loving my advice. Thank you so much. So to love thank you says, I'm not too important for David to lose. And so let's go back to what we were just talking about to love thank you and talking about changing it from this man to the relationship, right? And making sure that you're setting yourself up and believing that you're sacred and believing that you can have what it is that you want, believing that men think that you're valuable, believing that men will give you the kind of relationship that you want to get into and making sure that you believe all these things, right? You have to believe all these things and you have to switch it and stop making it about this one guy, which I don't know what your situation was with David to love thank you. Well, that's very interesting name, but yeah, I mean, some guys aren't gonna see your value. Some guys aren't going to cherish you. Some guys aren't gonna think that you're sacred. And if a guy feels that way, that's fine because we have three ways. Remember, we have three ways of communicating your value. One is setting your standards. Number two is setting your boundaries. And number three is walking away. What isn't doing it is it's not convincing him. It's not manipulating him. It's not forcing him. It's not trying to get this guy to do the things that you want him to do. Instead, it's setting standards. It's setting boundaries. And then if those don't work or it's a really bad situation, you walk away. That is value. That's how you let people know your value. All those other things will actually lower your value in a man's eyes. It won't lower your value as a human being, but it will lower the way that he sees you and his value to you because he starts to, because you're not communicating that you're actually, that you actually believe that you're valuable. So, Alia says, right, Matt, the concept of that secret Islam concept for the woman, but the problem is when the man not have the same concept, right, and what was I just talking about, Alia? The man doesn't have the same concept. We're not talking about trying to make this man do what you want him to do, right? You're not trying to do that. And you might be in a situation where you're married or you're in some kind of other kind of, you've been in a relationship for eight years or 12 years or whatever, right? And a guy doesn't see your value. And yeah, maybe you shouldn't have gotten with that guy in the first place or whatever. Well, that's in the past. So how do we communicate our value now? There's three main ways. Number one is setting your standards. Like we talked about, number two is setting your boundaries and number three is walking away when he disrespects your boundaries, your standards, and or does something that's really, really bad and that puts you into a weird situation. And so that's how you communicate. And he might still not recognize your value and he may not still believe that you're valuable and that's okay. Not every, like I said, not every guy is going to believe that you're valuable, but not every guy is for you either. And you shouldn't stay in a situation with a guy who doesn't believe that you're valuable and doesn't think that you're sacred. And so she continues on and says, it only can reach when both woman and man have covered and say some concept of their body secret and all thing needed in relationship is only for their spouse. Yeah, I mean, you know, the whole covered thing is obviously an Islamic concept. We don't, you know, to a certain extent they had that in Christianity in America, but we're kind of in a world now where it's, you know, we're all, it's all kinds of different, right? There's all kinds of different. And if you want to, and actually if you think about that idea, right? Think about this idea of covering, right? Like covering up parts of your body. And I know we kind of live in this world today where, you know, women are kind of like, a lot of women are just showing up and it's like they don't have much on at all, right? Like if you go down the street here, I'm in America, right? I'm in Washington, DC at the moment. And if you go down the street here, you know, you can see women who have their booty hanging out of their pants, right? And they've got things hanging out all over the place, right? And you're looking at them and you're seeing it. And, you know, when you look at that, you know, to a certain extent you can, you can admire it and you can be like, wow, that's really beautiful and that's really hot, you know, and to another extent, it's like, you know, she's just, you know, giving everybody access to seeing her body and getting access to all these things. And, you know, does that, you know, create curiosity, does that create mystery, does that, you know, make him feel like you really believe that those parts of you are sacred, you know? And I don't know, you can question that and you can think about that. You know, if a guy was walking around naked in town and he's got his junk, you know, just swinging around, you know, do you think that he believes that those parts of his body are sacred? I don't know, let's flip the script. Think about it. Think about it. Think about it. All right, Sadie says, he seems to be fearful of voiding. His words don't match his actions in that his actions are committed and loving, but his words are, I don't love you. How do you deal with that? Well, Sadie, let me give you a very important principle that you need to remember in every single one of these situations, like the one that you're in. Here it is. When a man's words and actions do not align, like in this situation, he tells you that he's, he shows you that he's committed and that he's loving, but he's telling you that he doesn't love you or that he doesn't wanna commit to you. Here's what you do every single time, right? If his words and actions are different, you want to believe the one that's worse, right? You wanna believe the one that you don't wanna believe. And in this case, the one that's worse is that he doesn't love you. And so you wanna believe that, right? Even if his actions show that he does. And let's talk a little bit about why this is because men and women and everybody have needs. We all have needs, right? We have desires, we wanna feel connected. We want to feel loved. We want to feel like we're with somebody. We want to touch each other. We want all these different things. Well, what he's getting right now with you is what it sounds like, is he's getting those needs met without needing to be vulnerable and open himself up and admit that maybe he has these kinds of feelings for you. And a lot of guys, they'll continue to do that for a very, very long time. And if his desire to not open himself up, not allow himself to commit, not fall in love with you, not do all those things is much, much greater than his desire to stay in a relationship with you and love you and all that kind of stuff, then when you start pulling yourself away from this situation, which is what I suggest that you do and that you do very quickly, then what will end up happening is he will not, he, nothing will ever make him say that he loves you, really admit that he loves you, commit to you, get married to you and do all these things that maybe are things that you actually want. And so you have to remember that in those situations, which is why we talk about doing it initially and having these conversations initially and talking about these things initially and having guys invest initially and making sure that you're getting into good situations initially because if he's in that situation, he may or may not. If you decide, if you're like, you know what, that's cool, you don't love me, you're not willing to actually commit to me verbally and you're not gonna show me to your friends, you're not gonna take me to see your family, you're not gonna put a ring on my finger, whatever those things are that are things that you want, if he's not willing to do those things, that's great, you need to pull yourself out of that situation, you can communicate with him and just let him know and be like, look, you know, that's fine, that's fine. You know, I really wanted more with you. However, you know, if you're not willing to do those things, you're not interested in those things, that's fine, you know, let me know if at some point you are interested in those things and if I'm still single, you know, maybe we can talk about it and then walk away from the situation and go find a guy who is going to love you and is gonna cherish you and is gonna commit to you and is going to tell you that he loves you and have you meet his family and treat you like the queen that you deserve to be treated as, treat you like the goddess that you deserve to be treated as, treat you as if you're sacred. And if he decides that he wants to step up after that point, that's great. And if he decides that he doesn't, that's fine too. But you have to make sure that you get out of a bad situation where you're not being treated the way that you want to be treated. All right, Shelby says, hi from Kansas City. I get it, thank you, Matthew. Love all the advice, stay well and looking fantastical. I appreciate all of what you just said there. So you're welcome for the advice. Thank you, I'm definitely staying well and I appreciate that you think I look fantastic. All right, Jennifer says, I love this. This is how I was raised and men do appreciate a woman who has self-respect. You preach it, Jennifer, you preach it. That's what I'm talking about here. That's what I'm talking about. Air high fives all around. I love what you're saying right now. And she says, it's, and it's a rare thing these days. Make him proud to be with you exactly. Thank you, Jennifer, gets it. You get it, Jennifer. Thank you so much for being here. You're awesome. Let's see what else people have to say here. So, coaching comeback says it's a throwaway culture. That's true. It is a throwaway culture. It's the hookup culture. Doop-de-doop-de-doop-de-doop. Let's see. To win says Matt, I totally get this and I've noticed it's true in theory and practice. Awesome. That's what I like to hear. That is what I like to hear. That is what I like to hear. Cynthia says, I get it. We are the prize. That's right. You are the prize that he is trying to win over. That's what you want. That's what you want. Coaching comeback says, strange of actions show love but words show rejection. It's not strange. I mean, it might seem strange in the moment they're loving on you and they're like, no, I don't look. You know what I mean? They're all like, oh, you're just so amazing there, coaching comeback. I just love hanging out with you. I just want to spend more time with you and have a great time. And then you're like, you're like, oh, this is so wonderful and sweet. I love you. And he's like, well, I don't love you. And I don't want to commitment with you, right? And you're like, whoa, wait a second. What are you doing loving all over me then, right? You have to raise your standard of what you believe that you deserve in those situations, right? Always believe the worst of the two. If it's words or actions, you know, some people say actions speak louder than words. Many times they do. And words also speak out louder than actions a lot of times as well. And so you have to look at whatever the worst one is, right? It's not always actions, believe actions, don't believe words. If you believe actions and you don't believe the words and he's all loving all over you, you can get into a situation. I have, there are women that have been in our community who were in situations like this for years. One was in a situation like this for over a decade where she believed that things were moving towards a real relationship, getting married, having kids, you know, family, all that kind of stuff, right? And the guy had been telling her the whole time, like I don't see this going anywhere more than some kind of fling thing, right? And she didn't believe him. She didn't believe him. She's like, no, he's, I've met his family, I've met his friends, you know, he loves on me. You know, he says I'm just a friend of his when we're out with his friends, but you know, I don't believe that, you know, he treats me so well, right? And she's been doing this for so long that she's in denial about the entire thing. And so you can't get in denial about this, right? You can't make it so that you don't believe what he is saying to you if his actions are worse than if his words are worse than his actions. You have to believe what he's saying because he's communicating with you what's going on with him. And you want to believe the other one, right? Just like you want to believe that he loves you and he's gonna commit to you even though his actions aren't showing you. And it's the same thing in both situations, but we've been taught so much and trained so much to believe the actions that a lot of times we'll miss out on what somebody's actually telling us with their words. And so you have to listen to both of them and figure out which one's worse and then believe whatever that one is. So as it says, hi, Matthew, you're simply great. Thank you for all the beautiful advices, God bless. You are absolutely welcome, Edith. Thank you for being here. I appreciate you. So Margaret says, I asked he right from the start what was he looking for in a relationship? And he said right from the start that he as looking for a long-term relationship but our relationship has only been casual, right? And she says, and it's been like this for many years now. Well, let me tell you something, Margaret. Let me tell you something very, very important that you absolutely need to listen to. So they've done research studies on this. I love research. I read research all the time. It's absolutely fascinating to me. And what they found is that somewhere between the six and eight month mark, most men who are dating a woman, like 95% of all men who are dating women around the six to eight month mark and by the year mark, 100%, know what kind of a relationship they want with a woman. And so if he's past that six to eight month mark, he knows what he really thinks about you and what he really wants with you. And so if he's not trying to propose, if he's not moving things forward, if he's not telling you he loves you, if he's not being committed to you, then he already has you slotted in his mind, especially if it's been a couple of years that you're not long-term committed relationship material. If a guy says that he's looking for long-term relationship material, don't assume that he wants that with you. Just assume that that's something that he's looking for and that you might be one of the prospects. But definitely don't let him say that to you for years. You need to walk away from that situation and say what I told you, right? Tell him, look, that's fine. If you want something long-term, I'm looking for this, right? Make sure you're both getting your needs met. One of the problems that a lot of women have is they want to get married, right? They want a ring on their finger. They want the ceremony. They want to feel like two people have become one or whatever metaphor you want to put around marriage. Some people don't value marriage anymore and that's fine too, whatever you believe. And if you want marriage, don't move in with a guy. I call this the ring rule. Do not move in with a guy if you want marriage at some point in the future because what's going to happen is he's going to be getting all of his needs met by you living with him. And you're not going to be getting your needs met because you want something more than just living with a guy. And so what's going to end up happening is you're going to be in a situation where you're going to have to be, you're going to, at some point, you're going to have to pull out all stuff, pull out the ultimatum and be like, look, this is what I want. I want a real relationship. And if you're not willing to give it to me, I'm going to have to move out, right? And so you don't want to move in to begin with if you want a marriage and you know, you have to make sure that if he's going to, if you're going to move in together, that he's going to be fulfilling all of your needs just like you're going to be fulfilling all of his needs. And so make sure that you're getting yourself into the best possible situation. So French sent me a super sticker. I appreciate you, French. I appreciate you and those superstigues. Cathy says, hello, how are you doing? I am absolutely fantastic. Thank you for asking. I'm doing great today. She says, thank you for this video. It's so helpful and truly appreciated. Well, I'm glad that you appreciated. I'm glad that it's helpful to you and thank you so much for being here with me. Yasmin says, awesome advice. Thank you. Marie says, hello, that is interesting. Have good continuations. Okay, good continuations. So, BV says, what if we have too many options and can no longer narrow in one guy? Feels hard to be monogamous when suddenly you date so many people and more than one meets your needs. Well, here's the question you wanna ask yourself, BV. Ask yourself if it was one or the other, which one would it be? That's what you wanna do. You just wanna compare which ones that you wanna pick. Obviously, BV is in the right situation right here. She's in abundance. All these guys are apparently great for her because she's obviously listening to the abundance idea. And so now she's in the situation where she has to pick which can be another challenge. And what you wanna do is just figure out which one is best for you, right? Which one is best for you? And then you have to let go of the rest. I mean, it can be very difficult. You're right, absolutely. Especially if you're dating guys and you think they're awesome, they're all awesome. You're like, what do I do now? You just have to compare and figure out what works best for you, what do you like the most? And allow that person to move forward with you. Marge says, you're absolutely right. Letting him go is the best decision I've done. Yeah, I mean, sometimes you have to. Sometimes you absolutely have to. So, you know, one of the biggest challenges that we have in this day and age is that we live in the culture of the hookup, right? The hookup culture where men and women are getting into superficial, casual situationships instead of real, live connections. And everybody, men and women, are starving for real connections right now. And you need to make sure that you're putting yourself into the best possible situation that you can so that you get into the type of relationship that you absolutely want to have. And there's a three-part formula for doing this. First is you need to believe in your own value. You need to believe it. You need to believe that you're worth it, that you deserve it, and that this is something that a man will give to you. Second, you need to position yourself in value. You need to create abundance. You need to position yourself that men so that men are competing for your time, attention, and your commitment. You need to flip the script, stop making it about trying to convince them, stop making about manipulating them, stop making about trying to get him to do what it is that you want him to do, and instead make it about the relationship that you want and getting in so that they start competing to try to convince you to get married to them, trying to convince you to be with them, trying to compete for your time, and attention, and your love. And that's what you want to be. That's what positioning yourself in value really is about. And the third part is communicating your value. And we talked about the three ways today, which is setting standards, communicating different boundaries that you have, and walking away from the situation. And so if you're interested in learning more about how to do this, if you're in a situation that's really challenging for you, my suggestion is that you pick up a copy of the forever woman formula, you can get it, free access to it. And what you do is you go to the foreverwomanformula.com and you watch the video there, and then you can get free access at the end of the video. Thank you so much for everybody that's been with me today. I absolutely adore all of you. I appreciate you allowing me to be a part of your journey into getting into the relationship that you've always wanted to have. You are the best, absolute best part of our community. We have some of the most beautiful, amazing, just gorgeous, intelligent, just awesome, powerful women in the world as a part of our community. So thank you so much for being here with me today. I gotta get going. There is a pile of little kittens that I need to go and lay in and have them roll over my face and pet them all over because I love kittens. So I gotta get going. So thank you so much for being here with me today and I will speak with you again soon. And always remember, you are worth it.