 I know I'm going live without giving you guys much notice. Sorry. I'm going to wait here a bit while I have, I actually have two beverages this morning. I know it's Tuesday, but in the spirit of Sunday morning coffee podcast here on above life channel, I have my, my merry feminist Christmas mug, but I have a tea in it. Mm-hmm. I have to work on the decaf. And then in this the mug, my ho-ho-hope mug, I have, these are by the way Christmas merch. I have these tagged, just so you know, actually I didn't plan that, it just kind of happened. But this coffee is my Nespresso and it's not decaf, but I have made it kind of Americano so I've watered it down and I've added some almond milk. Ever since my time in Maine, I am getting used to adding almond milk or oat milk to my coffee and it's good. So I am in good spirits this morning. It's nice to see you. Let's see if I can see. Hi, good morning. Hey, can you let me know if you can hear me okay? Can you give me a thumbs up, please? As you're popping into the chat, good morning. My medicine hasn't totally kicked in. It's been a little touch and go trying to figure out the medicine. For those of you who maybe don't know, about a little over a month ago, I actually had emergency open heart surgery for an aortic dissection, which is a massive, literally open, your chest open heart surgery and something that people don't usually survive. So I'm a walk-in freaking miracle, let me just tell you. So some things have changed dramatically for me since then. One is the whole puzzle of medication. I should show you that I have a whole baggie filled with medicines and some of them manage my heart rate. That's the biggest one. That's my favorite medicine because it makes me feel better. It makes my chest not hurt. And so that's good. But I also have some blood pressure medicine and some of you can relate to this. You're probably on some blood pressure medicine and that stuff is tricky. And so in the mornings, I can be wonky. So I haven't taken it yet, which is okay because my blood pressure is pretty damn good this morning. So I have to check it constantly, so as you can imagine, because the doctors want to keep it low, so it doesn't put a lot of pressure on my heart as it's healing because it's only five weeks post-surgery right now. So I'm doing great, as you can tell. My best time is in the morning. I have a lot of energy. So I'm here on Above Life channel chatting with you while I have my energy. And then quite honestly, after this, I will take a nap, so it's going to happen. So yep, so I got up this morning and had my tea and my coffee ready and chatted with a friend for a bit. And now I'm here to connect with you because it's Tuesday and I wanted to do it yesterday, you guys. But I just had a rough night on Sunday night because it's ups and downs when you're in recovery, right? When you're recovering from anything, it's ups and downs. So just got to be patient, which I'm not good at. I'm sure some of you weren't good at that either, right? Right. See, we know each other. You and I. We know. You're not good at that. And so you understand. So sometimes it's ups and sometimes it's downs and it was just a hard, it was a little rough. I will give you a little update, which I've been doing because I know so many of you have emailed me, messaged me, sent me messages on social media, which I so appreciate if I don't get back to you. I'm sorry. There's just so many. My brain isn't. I kind of have this little scenario going on post surgery because I was in under anesthesia for nine hours, actually more than nine hours. I think they kept me under longer than the surgery lasted, like nine hours. And then I was on anesthesia. I was under for a really long time so it can really affect your brain and your short term memory, which it has for me a bit. Things have started to get better. I've started to fire on all pistons a little more lately, but I'm still not quite there yet. I'm still kind of not quite right. And that I guess I'm told is because of the bypass because I was on bypass. Yeah, I had bypassing all like your grandpa has like that for a long time, like too long, like longer than they wanted me to be on it. Because your brain isn't functioning then because you're, you know, the time that I was dead, basically, like that's going to be the name of my book, you know, that time that I was dead because literally I have, I mean, I was dead. And so there's a whole bunch of stuff, you guys, tons of stuff that I'm processing mentally and psychically about the experiences I had during the time that I was under anesthesia, which was a very long time. And then I was in recovery for several, several hours, like basically more than half a day, almost almost an entire day. I think it was, I think it was like 17 hours or something that so I wasn't. So I had a lot of in between the world's time. And so because of that, I have a lot that I need to connect. And I've been talking to really good friends of mine during that, who can, who are filling in the gaps for me during that time and telling me what happened, how my friends were updated, how the priestess group that I'm in, how they were updated, how my family, my sister and, and, and husband and kids were updated and how my bestest friends were updated and how people were kind of coming together and, and praying for me and all that and, and how my PRD group came together and supported each other, how I had clients. I literally had clients who sent me messages that said, don't worry about my session, just keep, keep the money. Don't worry about it kind of thing. And I'm like, oh my God, which helped with the financial piece because I was out of state. I was in Massachusetts at the time. I was on a vacation or a getaway and so then I got stuck in New England because I couldn't travel for about a month and I, to which I had my sister come out and twice to help me get out of the hospital and get me to a place where I could stay with a friend in Maine to recover. And then, and so that like required multiple nights in hotels where we were driving to get to Maine from Massachusetts because I had just came out of the hospital, ICU and it was a whole thing and I couldn't sit in the car that long. It was a whole thing. And so I had to sit in a bigger car so I had to use a minivan instead of a little car as a whole thing. So you guys and my clients really came up, showed up for me and I really appreciate that. And then again, when I was finally able to come home on 11-11, started my trip back home to Minnesota, my place of origin because I feel like home is like relative now. I don't feel like it's a geographic place. I feel like it's something different. I'm not sure. Like that's another piece. Like there's so many things that I am pondering and thinking about and there's some hard things too. I'm super grateful to be alive. Let me tell you that. I did make choices to be alive three times and during this process I made conscious choices and I know and I remember a lot of that and I would love to tell you the stories and all the stories and I will at some point but I'm right now I just really need to personally process and I don't know how long that's going to take because it's a lot so it's a lot. So be flexible with me please on above live channel because I do want to come and pop in and I do want to be consistent as possible. I will keep doing Sunday morning coffee. I don't know about the channeling how I'm going to channel because there is a great deal of effort that is needed right now to keep my physical body safe and protected while it's healing in this cocoon it's in because I came back to my body and now I need to take care of my body. Not in the physical way because you know I ate well I had super good. Okay. I was like that's why they were all like everybody's like shocked and like they were trying to figure it out they're like scratching their heads like you're fit you exercise I box I walk every day I do yoga I eat well I pretty damn clean I'm going to have coffee but whatever you know occasional treat I mean whatever but that's it and so and there's not like a major history of heart disease or anything so it was like this mystery well how did this happen I'm like well there's a psychic component to this and an energetic component because it was my aorta and the back of my aorta connected to my heart the RuPaul is where it tore and it was like shredded I guess there's like 10 inches of my aorta that was replaced which is like crazy crazy I have like this whole like thing in here it's like looks like a candy cane anyway you guys probably don't need to know that that's for my TED talk but I have a whole host of stories and feelings about my time in the CV ICU the cardiovascular ICU at Cape Cod Hospital and how traumatic it was for me in the ICU like not being able to get out of bed being a fall risk not being in my right mind so some of you if I talked to you for like a week or two after I wasn't right so I might have said stuff that I didn't I shouldn't have said maybe I had a friend of mine that I called on Sunday and when they first gave me my friends first gave me my phone back and I was like I got I call I got to make some phone calls and I was like hey I called her and I said hey I I sound funny because I had this thing in my throat for a really long time and my throat is really really sore and it was because I was intubated you guys like fricking I just had this little thing in my throat no I had a fricking it's fricking tube in my throat for freaking hours right big machines breathing me yeah okay I just have a sore throat is what I told her and I said oh I had this little operation on my heart to make it better she's like what and in the meantime for the two days prior she'd been getting all these updates and she got a call from my my dear dear friend and who was kind of in charge of like talking to my friends because I called I had 30 minutes when I got into the ER 30 minutes before I had to go into major surgery after they found discovered the issue right and I after the scan right away and it was a whole fricking whirlwind and so I called a few key people and I one of them was my good friend Rebecca and I told her I said I need you to call these two people for me please and keep ask for prayers you know please get the get the support of the the high priestesses for me because the people that I would trust you know to pray for me and to hold me and stuff and so she was updating people and she said to me how did I say it I said oh yeah so my friend my other friend from Texas she's like yeah I know what it was because my friend Rebecca called her and said it's how did she say it she's told me we were having this conversation last night I had a three-hour talk with my friend from Texas and we were chatting about this and kind of I was kind of filling in some blanks and she said yeah she called me and said hey it's about Bridget and it's serious she's in the hospital and it's it's really it's serious and then she told her she's like she might not live she might not survive and then she said she was very honest with her and then she was updating her and saying okay now there's a risk of stroke they're saying there's a risk of stroke she's been on the bypass too long they don't know what the cognitive issues are gonna be and I guess they didn't know if I was gonna be with it or not and I'm like are you kidding me right now oh my god and so I had 30 minute like I didn't you guys I didn't realize that I like I wouldn't let myself accept that I could possibly die I wasn't thinking like that I just said to the surgeon well fix me he said okay and he did but my brain's still trying to catch up and if you look at me too like I don't know how I don't know I noticed this I don't know if you guys are gonna notice I bet you will when you look at me and I smile this the left side of my face the left side of my body was the side that was affected by not having enough blood flow so in the ambulance in the hour and 15 minute ride from Provincetown Massachusetts to Cape Cod hospital well my face already started to kind of it was I was already slurring my words and my mouth my tongue was heavy is how I described it but then my face started to droop and I didn't know that because I didn't really feel it but my whole side of my face drooped here and my hand kind of curved in like this and my friend was holding my hand on my right hand I think she was holding my right hand while I was getting my IVs and stuff in and I don't really remember a lot because that's kind of in and out of things because my blood pressure was dropping and then coming back and dropping and when it was dropping I'd go kind of out of it and it was a whole freaking thing I'm just I'm lucky I made it to the hospital I mean there's so many things that I'm so grateful for you know like I can't like am I grateful I don't know right away I was super grateful and now I'm like I'm so contemplative about things because I'm thinking about my past and now I'm thinking about like decisions that I've made in my life and I'm I really had this really strong sense of my life's been good I've had lots of opportunities I've had multiple careers I've been successful I've been to college I've been married twice I've had children I've had dogs I've had multiple homes gorgeous fucking houses okay gorgeous I've built let's see about the town house I built up my first house I built my second house yeah so I've built multiple homes like I'm lucky people don't get to do this shit and I've done it right I've had a boat I've had nice cars I've had promotions I've had titles I've had opportunity I've been privileged I have had all the things and then I've also gotten to discover parts of myself like I'm psychic holy shit and oh by the way I'm also a queer woman holy crap you know and the last two years have been this incredible spiral into myself into places of myself I didn't even know I had or I existed existed and trying to understand all these facets and parts of me where in trying to like be the things that everybody wants me to be or expects me to be like be the psychic in this way and be the psychic that channels this person and be the psychic that channels this person and oh my god you have to channel this way and oh my gosh you should channel this way and oh my gosh you should do this and oh my gosh you should do that and yeah okay I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I want and by the way I'm gonna swear a lot now because apparently when I came out of anesthesia all I could say was fuck I'm kind of teasing but the truth is really I really am swearing and my favorite word is fuck so as I was saying now you're gonna notice I skip ahead and then I come back okay I already was kind of ADHD anyway but now it's you're gonna notice it for a while at least for a while probably the next month or so especially until I get my meds balanced because I for I'm a little forgetful and I get tired really tired so um but it doesn't affect my psychic oh just a man let me grab this thing here the crazy thing is is it doesn't affect me being psychic at all in fact being psychic is really easy like it's too easy kind of like I randomly like I never do this you guys but I randomly called my friend from Texas I don't know if she'd appreciate me saying her name so I'm just gonna call her my friend from Texas she's a psychic too she's a really good psychic too and she's the one I trust to do my family psychic reading so she's a really good psychic too and I called her and I said oh just a minute I don't want this to fall over sorry I got this thing over here and I wanted to fall over it kind of messed with it I shouldn't have done that just give me a second oh my gosh oh there's one more thing I was gonna okay so see I'm skipping it's gonna happen you guys I'm gonna skip just just stay with me stay with me I need to go back to the face thing so I notice nobody else supposedly notices and if they do they're not saying that they notice but this side of my face is definitely impacted a bit and I'm hoping in a couple months it'll go back or I'm hoping if I can do like exercises or something because this side's a little bit I mean you can't really tell when I smile but I can tell when I'm talking like this side kind of goes up more than this side does and I know I kind of had a little bit of that before like a little before because I was just being cute you know because I'll be in flirty but now I definitely I notice it a bit more I got my haircut by the way finally if you were watching me on my tiktok channel or on Facebook or YouTube and stuff before when I was in Maine I was complaining about my hair of course I was because it was like I had been like seven weeks post haircut which does not work and so I did get it finally shaved underneath and actually it's really it's quite long but today I just I puffed it I popped it up a little bit I puffed it up a little bit yeah anyway all right so I know I was talking about my friend from Texas I can't remember what I was saying so I guess I'll skip that let me just take a peek at my oops let me take a peek I don't have my computer my computer's at the townhouse and I can't be at the townhouse right now I have to be at the main house because I need everything on one level because apparently like people are shocked when they see me and they look at me because they're like wait what you had hearts for some like oh yeah see you want to see my scar I'm all like look at my scar but um it's I have to remember too that it was recent it wasn't like eight months ago it was like recent but and I have to give myself some time you know some patience for sure to heal and to do that again but so channeling so I'm gonna talk to you a little bit about the psychic piece I have lots of support from a couple of psychic friends of mine that are you know that I can talk to and check in with my energy and keep myself really at my center and my core and I've been super super psychic when it comes to I have an I have a spirit guide and archetypal energy that stepped forward and was like I am with you and I'll talk to a little bit about her if you'd like to hear that and so on above life channel the videos I'm gonna do for the next however long I don't know because it could just randomly change in a heartbeat you know how that goes I am not going to I am going to channel how it feels right to channel for me right now because my energy is it's really important for me to keep the cocoon and to allow myself to heal physically inside and like I said I can still totally be psychic even if my brain doesn't always remember like short term memory it goes all a sudden it's gone I'm like oh is that you know but beings like it's not that hard it's not difficult and one-on-one it's not that hard so like my oh here I was an I remember what I was gonna say my friend from Texas I actually I don't ever do this but I did for her I called her up and I said alright messaged her I did a auto audio message and I said oh my gosh I just got this hit this morning because in the morning is when I'm like on target like I have energy and then the rest of the day I'm like oh you know going downhill but I'm like oh my gosh this this and this you need to use this oil and this oil and this oil and this is what needs to happen because she's working on this project thing and it's staying and I'm like oh my gosh this came through I said I got a hit for you and I never do that I don't just randomly get stuff for people I don't do that please I don't have time to be digging around other people's energy that is dirty and messy and a pain in the ass and I don't got time for that shit and all of a sudden I'm like oh but because she's a friend right and because I'm working with this archetypal energy that's connected to what she's also working with and all of a sudden I'm like oh blah blah blah plus she's a friend it's like a friend so I'm like hey yeah like she'd let me know too if she got a hit for me and so I'm like okay blah blah blah so I think people just expect me to like have hits for them like oh what about this and me to just randomly go oh yes and yes and yeah I'm not I'm not doing that right now that is way too much effort I don't need to like spin on my head and break dance for people to show that I have all these gifts and skills and look how great I am how kind of energy for that you guys I think they cut out my ego at least a big chunk of it whereas before I might be like hey let me show you how great I am as a psychic because I am really fucking good as a psychic as a coach and guess what as a healer like I am a whole total package baby like if you were swiping right and left on a psychic except there was a psychic channel and just like how dating apps are and you're swiping right and left I would be the most popular one on there why because I love myself because I love me and the people that I'm in alignment with I love them too like I love you guys because you're here he thinks so there's a lot of good stuff you know available so I'm not sure what this is gonna look like in the short term but I can tell you that I have content for you I have videos for you and I'm gonna talk to you about psychic stuff and I might channel like I have connected with a few of my spirit guides that I love you know like Prince and Freddie Mercury and I did connect with Matthew Perry just briefly and actually John Ritter popped in because he had the exact same thing that I had and Matthew Perry did have a heart thing just you know and so I wasn't surprised by that because right after it happened I told my sister I said oh did you hear about Matthew Perry and she said yeah I said oh he had a heart thing she's like oh I don't think they know yet I said no he did he just he's like oh yeah the heart thing I'm like I know do you know why everybody's having heart issues you guys because we're empaths and do you know what I'm gonna help you with in the new year taking care of yourself in your heart not just taking care of yourself like it's a secondary thing but like it is the place to be it is where we have strength it's where we source everything it's where we're psychic we're intuitive we can make great choices for our lives for relationships for our kids for our careers all of it it comes from a center core of being healthy in our heart space not just physically but emotionally mentally just the whole spiritual piece of everything bringing it together and reconnecting that you know there's a lot of opportunity for sure yeah so alright so I really do want to say hi to you guys in this chap I don't know if I'm able to do it a little small here nice to see you though I'm not gonna formally channel a celebrity right now but I will share with you about the wise woman I'm gonna tell you about her I should probably watch my time here too for you can't let me say hello to you hello Lindsay yeah I know I am gonna need physical therapy yeah I'm going to the cardiologist on Monday and I will be an actual cardiac rehab is what's gonna happen because I have to build up the you know my endurance and my heart space I have to do that oh Susan hello Texas okay I'm gonna look funny because I'm gonna be like squinting but I gotta be able to see you guys Joanne hello Darrell hi nice to see you thank you thank you see thank you Natalia I think it's Natalia hi Mike nice to see you Lola hello to Michigan hello Melissa nice to see you another suit hello Elizabeth nice to see you the journey nice to see you how am I I'm working on it working on it hello Jenny thank you for being the first one here okay hey Lisa hi nice to see you hello Patricia nice to see you Orlando oh my god are you kidding me right now okay I need to need to shout out to I'm not gonna shout I'm gonna gently reach across the states and I'm gonna say hello to main oh man I miss you so much I miss you main mm-hmm you guys main was so healing for me so healing the earth there was so good oh so healing okay so let's talk let's do some psychic-y stuff we might want to stamp this we want to write the time on this oh you're gonna hear my doggy my old doggy is hacking up along here okay Ferris Bueller Bueller Bueller are you going for the 8th day of the semester did anybody get that reference Bueller Bueller yeah Louis like 16 he's a miniature doxin who's got some issues with his lungs and sinuses and so you might hear him hacking up along here it's okay oh good boy okay anyway so hey he's still kicking it still kicking it okay we're gonna do some psychic stuff so let me tell you my psychic little story that kind of came up here I so I've had a spirit guide that popped in for me but I started working with shortly after this whole crazy experience maybe I should just do a Q&A or something about my experience that might be interesting hmm anyway just I digress I also am working on I have somebody that's gonna be helping me organize some stuff for a while because I can't keep my self-organized and I have to do some things business-wise and work-wise and I need help so my friend and just gonna help me we're gonna collaborate and she's gonna help me she can coordinate stuff for me will be why don't you lay down honey do you hear him he's kind of clicking across the there you go is he gonna sit in his bed there you go yeah good boy miniature doxin he's gorgeous by the way very handsome so I'm gonna get some help with that so that's good but so shortly after the surgery I had this realization so part of it was because of my scar right and it's not like a vanity thing I'm just gonna be really clear on that and even if it was who the fuck cares like it can be if it wants to be but it's not like I'm some supermodel and oh by the way it like starts like it starts pretty high it's pretty high my scars and some people refer to it as a zipper I do not I refer to it as my staff like a long tall wise woman walking stick and so I have a staff emblazoned on my body which is the tool of an archetypal energy called the wise woman and I just started reading this book women who run with the wolves where and when I was in Maine we were talking about this book and how we both had Maine and I we both had had at a couple different times in our lives had connected to had been gifted this book or suggested that we oh thank you Joanna oh nice thank you she just did a super chat which is like a donation so thank you for that I appreciate it very much thank you for that that was very sweet of you but women who run with wolves we both at our the person I was staying with who was actually caregiving me she was so great I miss her so much anyway so let's focus focus focus focus hey Queen nice to see you thank you we talked about how different times in our lives this book has come to us but we never read it we couldn't read it like twice for me besides this time and then she and I decided that we would read it together and it's pretty freaking amazing and it has to do with also that archetypal energy of that wise woman or the wild woman and for me the archetypal energy is of the 13 moon oracle if you're interested in like you know playing yourself with going deeper let me see not playing but well I don't want it to be like too serious so going deeper with divine feminine energies the archetypal energy is how they're coordinated by the 13 moon oracle deck which is a card deck or the 13 moon mystery school is really to me very powerful like so powerful that even though I was like a full-on professional psychic working as a psychic for years when I started working with that deck probably eight years ago it was so intense that I could barely freaking use it that's how amazing it is and how it just rich and robust it is and so now I follow it and it's the work of Ariel Spillsbury and you can get it you can just order it like on Amazon or from her her website and she oh there's another one did we get another one oh Deja hi honey you better be doing your schoolwork Deja's a student you better be doing your schoolwork we need you in this world social workers on my feet right now mm-hmm I have a friend who's a social worker that I just love yeah anyway so that energy of that wise woman is one of the archetypes in the 13 moon oracle in the way that those are channeled in and they're kind of clustered in this grouping of what the wise woman represents it's so powerful and of the archetypal energies I had not ever really aligned to myself with the wise woman energy before it seemed more crone like more grandma like more a little crazy little older let's just be honest here I know I'm 50 I'm 50 I'm actually north of 50 in 2023 I turned 50 which apparently in the CVICU by the way is very young like everybody else I was walking by their rooms they're like practically dead I'm like wow they are not used to living people people that survive here are they I was like holy shit this place is depressing because literally I don't know how many people actually survive this shit and if they do they're frequent flyers and they come back and get fixed again in which I don't want to ever come back and get fixed again oh my goddess so that wise woman archetypal energy I think I just never really identified with the crone necessarily or with the ancestors and plus you know there's trends you know there's trends with psychic stuff right and all of a sudden everybody's into ancestors and so and I everybody's dealing with their ancestors everybody's digging up the graves of their ancestors and trying to figure out what their ancestors are telling them I'm like can we please stop looking at the past can we just connect with the parts of inside ourselves where our ancestors live where our past lives and mine that wisdom can't we just do that how about we do that let's do that in 2024 shall we work on that let's do that because in my experience leaving your body to figure out shit is not the way to go because coming back to your body is very difficult let me just tell you from my recent experience and trying to incorporate back into your body is not easy and there's a little bit of side effects from that let me tell you because I did I want to get back into my body because I was looking at my body and I was like what the heck is happening to this I am not gonna live like this this is messy this is not this is not the scenario that I I did not sign on for this I'm not I'm not doing this I'm just gonna go to spirit no it's hard to get back in your body and so instead of finding answers outside of yourself call the wisdom up from inside use your inner temple use your heart space this is where it's at I'm telling you I have some profound insights I think it's profound it's working for me and I'll share it with you into the new year if you want to work with me but for now I'm focusing on my shit right my beautiful stuff alright so this wise woman energy she comes in and it's like I have this huge staff the first time I actually got to look at my scar was in the hot in the hotel like I I could look down and see it but and I could feel it I could feel it let me tell you and I first time I could I saw it really saw it was in the mirror at the hotel we stayed at a hotel across the street for two nights that was the deal I made in order to be able to get out of the ICU they're like can you stay in town we need you to stay here in case there's any issues and I'm like okay we'll stay across the street at the hotel which is really freakin expensive so thank you for helping to pay for that because oh my god I don't have six hundred bucks stuff is expensive in New England how do you people live crazy anyway so we stayed across the street my sister and I for two nights to make sure I could like cuz I couldn't really walk very well yet I mean I could walk but I couldn't I didn't have stamina like way worse than I am now like very tired and didn't have a lot of stamina and I was very off-balance because of the meds trying to figure out the not the IV meds now I was on like tablet meds and it was different and it still is kind of weird the it's like there's this assumption that was made that all the sudden I have high blood pressure which I don't I've never had it that's why they're like wait this doesn't make sense you don't have high blood pressure I'm like no shit I don't why are you giving me meds to lower it crazy people but nobody would listen to me because you know I had surgery and I clearly didn't I guess know what I was talking about frustrating I have a whole bunch of stories another Ted talk let me tell you and so we're at this this hotel and I'm looking at myself in the mirror and I have pictures of this and I posted it on my TikTok I think I should I should do it here I should I wonder if YouTube would let me because it's very graphic like it's pictures of me with my robe open and you can't see only my private parts you can see close to my private but you can't see my private parts but you can see this big big huge wound going down my body and now it's getting wet you know it's getting better as time goes on and stuff but it was pretty like oh intense right shocking to look at and had a big strip over the top of it so you can see all the you could see the blood and stuff you know I mean it's kind of it was startling I was just looking at it and I was just like I mean it made me sad I cried a bit and then I called my friend Rebecca and I said I hope she's okay of me using her name I think she would be and I said oh my god I have a staff it's a staff the wise woman walking stick is on my chest I have a staff and for years I've really identified especially the last few years with the masculine energy of the sword and I've talked about that and I actually have a dagger just in August that I got tattooed on my body right on my thigh in my left thigh and so I really align with the sword and I said oh my god I've been initiated or anointed I've been given the staff I said oh my god like this is important because a couple of days literally the week before I went on my trip which would have been I left on October 8th 2023 and so the week before that my psychic birthday was October 1st and 19 19 years old psychically and she and I were talking and I was talking to her about this this priestess temple that she hosts and it's this beautiful connection to the sacred feminine from the snake priestess energy and and I'm like hmm and from like the tantric Kundalini sacred central feminine part of that I feel that like I can relate to that I can connect to that but the energy of the staff I couldn't relate to I told her so I just don't connect to that tool of the staff I'm like can I use something else like a scepter or something or can use a sword and she's like no it's not that's not what it is that's not what the energy is it's connected to the earth which is the staff or the walking stick of the wise woman energy is the staff and I'm like well maybe I don't like maybe I don't fit with that because I've been thinking about it I'm like oh maybe I'll study that with her maybe I'll because I'm drawn to the sacred sensual part of it and the feminine and the empowerment of the body and the embodiment and the magic of that Shakti energy and I've been really in that Tantrika energy I'm really I appreciate that right I definitely do and so after when this happened I called her and I said oh my god I have the staff I'm like oh guess maybe I'm maybe I'm into that now you know it's just crazy but that is the tool of the wise woman the staff and it's the walking stick it's not because she's weak and she can't stay standing but it because it gives her balance it gives her that wholeness and that constant reminder of that third point of contact which if you know me you know I talk about three points of contact when you're grounding yourself it's for me it's always three points so it's your two feet plus your root chakra into the earth it's three points of contact which create a triangle and for me that triangle is truth it means what's true and so it resonates so deeply for me and so of course with two feet and the staff it's that triangle so I make sense that's just really wow and it's connected to earth and earth is the most basic form of love of the energetic of feeling very stable and steady and connected to the time that is right now and in the times that we are in right now we need that we need the basics you guys we need the basic connection of what is love is presence and what is presence is the time that it's now it's not dwelling on the things that have happened in the past or the trauma that's happening external outside in the world an awareness of this in the context of the greater good and the universe and the world and humanity is is it is is important to have but it is so essential for us to acknowledge that the way that we fix anything or repair or heal the harm is by presence our presence in this moment and then being able to draw up the fullness of what is available to us as far as resources go so the earth energy that presence energy of the time that is now and what you are able in your full capacity to access drawing it up from the earth and then expressing it into your life whether it be with your kids at at your workplace or in your business or whatever that looks like for you or in your body and the way that you're caring for yourself or how you're choosing to feed yourself or feed your children or whatever that looks like to you that is where it's at because when you are in that fullness and presence and love then when you donate to people who are in crisis you're not doing it from a place of oh I'm so glad I'm not you you're not doing it from a place of fear like oh my god lack sacrifice loss grief oh my god you're not doing it from a place in yourself that you are distracting from and projecting outward all your misery on to these other people's scenarios and that's really what we've been doing all along that's why we're so messed up so we got to get back to this like walking the earth with the wise woman energy and the wisdom that she has because we are that we are wise in our presence and it's when we have those moments that is quiet that is when we are at one with the simple thing where we can hear ourselves in that sacred form we can feel ourselves there isn't any fear there isn't any loneliness there's not separation there's just this this rhythm of knowing and that wise woman brings that forward now she does show up as a crone she can show up the muse like creative she can show up as an alchemist so for those of you who love that Merlin energy or that that Wiccan energy or the pagan energy that she definitely could assist and work with you in a lot of different ways for sure and she could be the energy of your personal grandmother you know imparting the wisdom to you you know and it's not about learning from other people's mistakes it's not about that is not about mistake okay it's not about regret it's not about the past it's about what is here that you get to link into for your presence your essence now in the moment and there's no time to waste let me tell you I thought I had the flu okay and I was flying down the highway in an ambulance fading fast okay I should have been dead 85% of people who have an aortic dissection don't make it to the hospital they die and the people that were helping me the EMT is and my friend in the ambulance it was assumed that I was having a stroke until I got a CT scan in the ER and they were like ah no this is not a stroke and a stroke is a byproduct of an aortic dissection and of aneurysm as you might know and so there were so many layers upon layers of things that could have went wrong for me and I didn't have time do you understand I called two of my children and I didn't have time and I didn't have the presence of mind to say goodbye or anything like that and looking back I would have and I have since recorded a goodbye in an audio format to them in case something like this were to happen again because there's there are some risks now moving forward I'll know more after I go to the cardiologist and I get scans and now I'm gonna need some for the rest of my life I'm gonna need scans and things like that to keep myself as healthy as possible I also had a valve replacement by the way so it wasn't just the replacement of the part of the aorta the 10 inches of the order which is freaking crazy 10 inches that's a lot I looked at the thing the other day the ruler knows like oh my god I didn't even know I had that much stuff in there oh my god and also had a valve replaced and so there's things I need to be mindful of right for the future but my point is you don't really know I had no idea you guys I had no idea I had no idea and the thing is though is I didn't have any regrets aside from I wish I would have recorded a goodbye to people just so that they could hear from me but I knew and I know that the people who I love the people who matter to me who are so important in my life who I have appreciated so much they know they know the people I love know that I love them they know they know and I reached out to some some key people to let them know to take care of those other people so those people would know for sure you know keep them updated let please let them know what's happening because they'll be worried if they don't hear from me or they might energetically feel or tap into what's going on and they might be afraid and not sure and then they might be trying to tap into me which by the way we're gonna have to have a conversation here people we're gonna have to have a lesson about energy and just spraying energy at people because I don't want everybody's energy well thank you please don't give me your energy I don't need your energy I don't need 15 pairs of old boots in my house I have a pair it's good but what I can use is the amplification of love so light a fucking candle okay do that light a candle and amplify love and that's it don't give me your energy or what you think is good I mean that sounds kind of rude to say that but don't do that don't assume that people need your particular healing energy you can pray or you can ask an angel or you can ask the higher self of the person do it properly do it properly there is a wrong way to give people energy don't give people energy people who need your energy you need your fucking energy okay keep your energy be the best person you can be you want to help me you be the person that you can be you want to help me you love yourself that's how you help me please that's the legacy love okay I appreciate your well wishes and your thoughts and your prayers I totally appreciate that that's sweet that's beautiful but please don't try to heal me don't please don't do that I have a hard enough time as an empath trying to keep away the energy and that's why I have psychic friends that have tried to protect my energy because people are just spraying their energy I mean I'm like stop please stop just light a candle amplify the love and please imbue it with yourself please give back to yourself that is the best that would make me so happy that would make me feel so blessed and grateful for you to take care of yourself please just do that please do that mic drop boom let's have some tea I know see that's the other thing you guys I'm gonna even worried about being rude anymore I'm just gonna say I don't have time what if I walked over to the bathroom and fell over because I had a heart attack because chances are if something like that happened to me I would be dead because I know I had three chances to be alive and I know the fourth time I'll be gone and I know that and if something starts to happen to me I'm just gonna go lay in my bed and I'll be gone this this is what I know that I mean that's blunt to say but it's the truth you guys so whether that be 10 years from now or 30 years from now I'm good my life is my life has been good now we're gonna really make a fucking impact and you're gonna help me do you understand me you're gonna help me and we're gonna make a fucking impact by creating a legacy of love and you need to do your part do you understand me right now don't be feeling sorry for me and worried about me I mean that's sweet obviously I know but the truth is you gonna be worried about yourself I need you to be taking care of yourself and dealing with your ship please can you do that can you start to do that can you promise me that you will let the very least light a candle for yourself and love amplify your love just love love love can you do that please do that let's do that can we just do that please do that legacy of love please okay so I'm gonna read my comments a little bit oh that wasn't smart I forget okay I have this little joke I'm like Buzz Lightyear right now to infinity and beyond and I can move like I move very rigidly like the upper part of my body has to be very straight and I just did you see me just kind of tweak a little that was not comfortable that fucking hurt okay because my rib cage is like wired together I know how gross is that right that's a little graphic but it's legit the truth it's wired to freaking together and so the back hurts and the sides hurt and the ribs are all bruised on the side so it's painful so if I move forward and back it's fine but if I twist a little and I forget which I do sometimes which is a great blessing but also painful when I remember it hurts okay let's just okay alright so let's take a peek I am gonna do by the way this week for Thanksgiving I'm gonna do some thank yous because I have tons of the letters first initials for everybody that donated to me and I should add Jay on here there's first initials of all these people that donated and I want to do cards I'm gonna do thank you cards I'm gonna do them on a video probably a couple videos because I got a lot of wonderful people that donated whether it be ten bucks or thousand or five hundred or hundred and fifty or fifty or twenty or whatever thank you that was awesome because it didn't have a tremendous financial hit when I was traveling across the country because I had your support for the six nights a hotel I needed and the two different times that I had to rent a minivan one for four days and one for three days so I mean thank you so much I appreciate okay so let me just let me just go in here and say you are strong thank you yeah damn right I am fucking strong holy shit I am I'm a little disappointed that I won't be able to box and I haven't gotten a straight answer from when that would ever happen again I might have to kick box with my legs I loved boxing with my I can't I'm sure it's more than a year out but you never know a Sarah hi nice to see you Diana hi nice to see you my dear sorry guys I know this is it Mila Malah Malah Lynsey I already said your name I think hey guys thank you oh I did say a thanks to Joanna right for the hey Jessica how am I feeling oh that's a good question um right now I'm pretty happy I'm in a good spirits but my mood my mood is up and down that's normal it's very normal when you've had major surgery and I I'd say so mentally right now I'm feeling pretty happy and feeling pretty positive and usually that's the case in the mornings I'm pretty cheerful in the mornings let's get rid of this person this person because they're spamming yeah so how am I feeling um mentally it's it's kind of up and down there is I guess there's a lot you can get depression and anxiety with this kind of thing I guess after like a long surgery and I am bummed about not being able to be on my hormones I had hormone replacement therapy I was on multiple hormones since like March of this year which I can't be on because it it can challenge or create problems with the aorta with the actual issue in that big heart muscle there that heart and the aorta so yeah it's a thing just remember you are badass thank you um physically you know I've the last two days I've been really tired and so I'm trying to give myself this space and room to just rest I've watched like a ton of Christmas movies and like I said I'm in the main house and so it's all one level here so like I have a bathroom and I've been sleeping on the couch because the couch is super comfortable it's really squishy and it's because it's small I can roll into one side a little bit I can't I'm a side sleeper that was the biggest trauma I think for me in the ICU I couldn't move at all and I couldn't sleep at all as you can imagine because it's loud there anyway with all the plus I had like drainage tubes in my body I couldn't like I couldn't move I had big three big tubes coming out of me and I couldn't like and then I had like stuff I was wired up here on this side and this side I had all these like everything all over the freaking place for like four days and then stuff started to come off after like the fifth day so that was good but it was hard to sleep right and left and stuff so now I'm on the couch here which really does help I tried to sleep in the bed there's a master bedroom here that I can sleep in and I tried for like a day or two and I just couldn't do it it just didn't feel as comfortable I got stuck one point on my back too flat and I was like I can't I can't I couldn't roll over I'm like hell I can't roll over I can't roll over and it was it's painful because I'm supposed to like barrel roll I can't push I can't pull I can't reach I can't lift I can't use my arms you'd be surprised at how much use your arms for things opening cupboards the refrigerator cupboards is easy because it's lightweight I can do that and I'm better now I can reach over my head a little bit but I can't do like both arms over my head so like to do my hair it doesn't work very well can't do that yet but I should be able to I'm gonna ask the cardiologist if I can start doing that now and I don't feel a lot of pain as much it just feels like kind of strain so just the fatigue and then kind of dealing with the meds because there's there's side effects of the meds which kind of suck which is tired and then one of them makes you a little moody so I take that one at night because I don't want to be an asshole that's not fun I'll be an asshole and the fact that I can't walk like three miles a day like I usually it's been hard to not be active so I'm just starting back now I do myself I give myself a little little dance break like a song or two where I just move the bottom part of my body like my legs in my feet and I step back and forth side to side I do like two songs in the kitchen in the morning and I'm like okay that's my little exercise and then now I just said okay I think I'm gonna commit to trying to walk a mile a day I can do half mile no problem but I haven't done a mile so I'm gonna try to move up a little bit and see if I can do that and then start to kind of ease into that a little bit more because I can walk I mean there's no restrictions on walking I can walk so we'll have to kind of see kind of how that goes so so yeah so I'm doing okay I mean I have times when it's really not great I'm just really tired usually that happens in later later in the morning and then the afternoon and but otherwise I mean I can't complain I don't have pain meds I did have a major meds that you would imagine pain killers and stuff at during my stay in the ICU and then here comes another doggy hi Toby hi tobs hi T-bone how you doing baby and then I the first week out the first week yeah I used but I only used half a dose I only used half a pill and at night before I went to bed because that was when it was the most painful like I couldn't sleep I needed to sleep I was having a really hard time sleeping and so I did that and so then after that I didn't need to take it I just take Tylenol and I need to and I usually take that once or twice maybe twice a day like a thousand milligrams or something like that so so thanks for asking I appreciate oh hi DT nice to see you hey thanks for your thing too I saw that thank you I appreciate that yeah pain I know a lot of people understand about pain I you guys honestly I had no idea how bad how bad it is to try to live with pain I had no freaking clue and so I I'm very fortunate it's not bad like I can live it's not a big deal I overdo it sometimes like when I take a shower and you know if I'm like doing my hair and shaving and all that if I do the whole kicking caboodle it's like oh sometimes it gets me but that's going to change in time and the stronger my body can get the healthier I can eat and the more I can take care of myself and I think the better it's going to be you know like I'm fortunate because I feel like I'm rebuilding I don't feel like I'm stuck in a place where some people that have disease like a lupus I have a friend has lupus for example I mean she really gets she gets hammered you know like right now she's got shingles and oh my god it's like horrible for her she's like talk about being strong she's fucking strong you know she deals with stuff on a daily basis that I cannot there's no freaking way I don't know how that but it's weird because you don't really know until you're in that situation and then you you just you kind of handle it I don't know like I was so so getting into the ambulance I was like I said to my friend I said can you hold my hand do I get the IVs please just hold my head while I get the IVs and she's like of course I will and I'm like oh I don't like IVs and then I'm like like fast forward a couple days later I'm like shivy you know problem they had to take one out and put one in I had one of my freaking neck I had one of my ankle I had one of my wrist I had one of each of my bends of my arm I had them all over the freaking place and I was like no big deal you want me to do it I'll just put it in there myself it's fine whatever you know what I mean I'm like and whatever your perspective dramatically changes right and your threshold your tolerance changes too I think so yeah I can't even imagine constant pain oh my god we didn't we should do something about that we should do something like tapping EFT tapping or some kind of meditation or some kind of healthy thing that could like transcend not not escape the physical body but wrap the physical body in an energy like like you know how people do like fancy spa treatments and they like wrap their body and seaweed like why can't we wrap our body and energy of like Archangel Raphael healing or something like why can't we do that you know like and for me I should mention too so besides the wise woman energy I also had my friend Archangel Gabriel I had the energy of gold wrapped around my lungs and my rib cage I could literally see when I was telling my friend Rebecca about the wise woman and oh my gosh I have this thing and blazing down my chest and now this wise woman is like guiding me and my work and stuff and she told me like three things and like she's like okay garnet is your crystal that you can use it's part of your medicine right now garnet which is like a beautiful redstone and and the water is your element now to work with which is totally the opposite of the fire that I've had like this is a whole new phase of life right now for me and so I'm working with these different energies right the staff and the earth also right so it's a whole freaking it's a whole freaking thing yeah it's crazy I can't even imagine that but the energy of the gold and the wrapping in my chest my entire rib cage all of the rib cage like I imagine like a skeleton with like the shoulder bones and the collar bone and the ribs and the spine and the hips like that I could see it in just this beautiful such a like a glowing gold light like a almost like a little bit of like a lightning or something like an alchemical yellow gold yeah it was really cool and it was Gabriel and I told my friend Rebecca after the emblazoned freaking staff on my body I'm like oh my god which then I couldn't be mad about having a big scar because it's beautiful right like it's a it's a gift from the goddess you know it's like an honoring how could I like ever reject that I mean come on you know you're anointed by the archetype you're gonna be like okay you know thank you for the gift you know or the perspective of how this is a gift and that alchemical energy and the transformative energy of how it is a gift right the actual imagery of it the physical symbolism of it and so this golden yellow just it was just like around my whole chest so I'm like okay you know this is medicine for me this is this is like my solar plexus wrapping my heart energy in this just beautiful purpose and and matter like something like this matters this matters you know so I'm like yeah no shit it matters oh my god so anyway alright so I gotta wrap up you guys cuz I got a kid doing school I gotta go check on Jessica Sarah Aditi Kundra okay all right you guys I'm gonna wrap up thank you so much for being here and for supporting me and my work and my healing journey and so this week is Thanksgiving in the United States that's Thursday and then Friday is a book Friday and so I suspect I'll be online one of those days I'm not sure which one to do some thank you cards and so when I mean thank you cards I mean thank you cards and what I'll do is I'll say your initial and there's multiple initials so yeah if there's like 5 L's you just have to receive all the L's and feel which ones for you or receive them all there's because there are like 5 L's that donated to me so I appreciate that and I'm opening myself to receive during that time as well so I'll do live streams I don't know what time yet for sure on Friday I'm gonna do them but I don't know about Thursday yet because I want to watch the parade and that's in the morning and that's like my best time so we'll have to see I might do something later I'm not really going anywhere for Thanksgiving I'm just staying home it's gonna be just quiet really simple basic no big whoop-de- do nothing like that so for sure Friday I'll do something so alright thank you so much for watching above life channel and it's my pleasure to connect with you today remember this is your life after all and you get to live it oh my god it's so funny like really my tagline is you get to live it just live it yeah and I like almost freaking die this is crazy crazy all right thanks everybody for being here I appreciate you