 CHAPTER 7 THE SPRING AND SUMMER OF 1894 PART II While time was passing on, the plan I had been revolving in my mind during the winter was ever uppermost in my thoughts. The plan, that is to say, of exploring the unknown sea apart from the track in which the from was drifting. I kept an anxious eye upon the dogs for fear anything should happen to them, and also to see that they continued in good condition for all my hopes centered in them. Several of them indeed had been bitten to death and two had been killed by bears, but there were still twenty-six remaining, and as a set off against our losses we had the puppies, eight of which had been permitted to live. As spring advanced they were allowed to roam the deck, but on May 5th their world was considerably extended. I wrote thus. In the afternoon we let the puppies loose on the ice, and Kvick at once took long expeditions with them to familiarize them with their surroundings. Next she introduced them to our meteorological apparatus, then to the bear trap and after that to different pressure mounds. They were very cautious at first, staring timidly all around and venturing out very slowly a step at a time from the ship's side, but soon they began to run riot in their newly discovered world. Kvick was very proud to conduct her litter out into the world and roamed about in the highest of spirits, though she had only just returned from a long driving expedition in which as usual she had done good work in harness. In the afternoon one of the black and white puppies had an attack of madness. It ran round the ship, barking furiously, the others sat on it, and it bit at everything that came in its way. At last we got it shut in on the deck forward where it was furious for a while, then quieted down, and now seems to be all right again. This makes the fourth that has had a similar attack. What can it possibly be? It cannot be hydrophobia, or it would have appeared among the grown-up dogs. Can it be toothache, or hereditary epilepsy, or some other infernal thing? Unfortunately several of them died from these strange attacks. The puppies were such fine, nice animals that we were all very sorry when a thing like this occurred. On June 3rd I write, another of the puppies died in the forenoon from one of those mysterious attacks, and I cannot conceal from myself that I take it greatly to heart and feel low-spirited about it. I have been so used to these small polar creatures living their sorrowless life on deck, romping and playing around us from morning to evening and a little bit of the night as well. I can watch them with pleasure by the hour together, or play with them as little children, have a game at height and seek with them, round the skylight while they are beside themselves with glee. It is the largest and strongest of the lot that has just died, a handsome dog. I called him lova, lion. He was such a confiding, gentle animal and so affectionate. Only yesterday he was jumping and playing about and rubbing himself against me, and today he is dead. Our ranks are thinning, and the worst of it is we try in vain to make out what it is that ails them. This one was apparently quite in his normal condition and as cheerful as ever until his breakfast was given him. Then he began to cry and tear round, yelping and barking as if distracted just as the others had done. After this convulsion set in and the froth poured from his mouth, one of these convulsions no doubt carried him off. Blessing an eye held a post-mortem upon him in the afternoon, but we could discover no signs of anything unusual. It does not seem to be an infectious ailment. I cannot understand it. Ulenka too, the handsomest dog in the whole pack, our consolation and our hope, suddenly became ill the other day. It was the morning of May 24th that we found it paralyzed and quite helpless, lying in its cask on deck. It kept trying to get up, but couldn't, and immediately fell down again, just like a man who has had a stroke and has lost all power over his limbs. It was at once put to bed in a box and nursed most carefully, except for being unable to walk it is apparently quite well. It must have been a kind of apoplectic seizure that attacked the spinal cord in some spot or other and paralyzed one side of the body. The dog recovered slowly, but never got the complete use of its legs again. It accompanied us, however, on our subsequent sledge expedition. The dogs did not seem to like the summer. It was so wet on the ice and so warm. On June 11th I write, Today the pools on the ice all round us have increased wonderfully in size and it is by no means agreeable to go off the ship with shoes that are not watertight. It is wetter and wetter for the dogs in the daytime and they sweat more and more from the heat, though it has yet only rarely rises above zero. A few days ago they were shifted on to the ice where two long kennels were set up for them. They were made out of boxes and really consist of only a wall and a roof. Here they spend the greater part of the twenty-four hours and we are now rid of all uncleanliness on board except for the four puppies which still remain and lead a glorious life of it up there between sleep and play. Eulenka is still on deck and is slowly recovering. There is the same daily routine for the dogs as in the winter. We let them loose in the morning about half past eight and as the time for their release draws near they begin to get very impatient. Every time anyone shows himself on deck a wild chorus of howls issues from twenty-six throats clamoring for food and freedom. After being let loose they get their breakfast consisting of half a dried fish or three biscuits apiece. The rest of the forenoon is spent in rooting round among all the refuse heaps they can find and they gnaw and lick all the empty tin cases which they have ransacked hundreds of times before. If the cook sends a fresh tin dancing along the ice a battle immediately rages around the prize. It often happens that one or another of them trying to get at attempting piece of fat at the bottom of a deep narrow tin sticks his head so far down into it that the tin sits fast and he cannot release himself again. So with this extinguisher on his head he sprawls about blindly over the ice indulging in the most wonderful antics in the effort to get rid of it to the great amusement of us the spectators. When tired of their work at the rubbish heaps they stretch out their round sausage like bodies panting in the sun if there is any and if it is too warm they get into the shade. They are tied up again before dinner but Pan and others like minded sneak away a little before that time and hide up behind a hammock so that one can see only a head or an ear sticking up here and there. Should anyone go to fetch him in he will probably growl show his teeth or even snap after which he will lie flat down and allow himself to be dragged off to prison. The remainder of the twenty four hours they spend sleeping puffing and panting in the excessive heat which by the way is two degrees of cold. Every now and then they set up a course of howls that certainly must be heard in Siberia and quarrel amongst themselves till the fur flies in all directions. This removal of the dogs onto the ice has imposed upon the watch the arduous duty of remaining on deck at nights which was not the practice before but a bear having once been on board and taken off two of our precious animals we don't want any more such visitors. On July thirty first Kvick again increased our population by bringing eleven puppies into the world one of which was deformed and was at once killed. Two others died later but most of them grew up and became fine handsome animals. They are still living. Few or no incidents occurred during this time except naturally the different red letter days were celebrated with great ceremony. May seventeenth we observed with special pomp the following description of which I find in my journal. Friday May eighteenth was celebrated yesterday with all possible festivity. In the morning we were awakened with organ music the enlivening strains of the college hornpipe. After this a splendid breakfast off smoked salmon, ox tongues etc. etc. The whole ship's company were bows of ribbon in honor of the day even old Suggin had one round his tail. The wind whistled and the Norwegian flag floated on high fluttering bravely at the mast head. About eleven o'clock the company assembled with their banners on the ice on the port side of the ship and the procession arranged itself in order. First of all came the leader of the expedition with the pure Norwegian flag. After him sfeardrop with the Fram's pennant which with its Fram on a red background three fathoms long looked splendid. Next came a dog sledge with the band Johansson with the accordion and Mogsted as coachman. After them came the mate with rifles and harpoons, Henryx and carrying a long harpoon, then Amundsen and Nordahl with a red banner. The doctor followed with a demonstration flag in favor of a normal working day. It consisted of a woolen jersey with the letters N, A embroidered on the breast and at the top of a very long pole it looked most impressive. After him followed our chef Ewell with peak saucepan on his back. And then came the meteorologists with a curious apparatus consisting of a large tin sketchon across which was fastened a red band with the letters A, L, S, T, signifying Almindeleg Stemarat or universal suffrage. At last the procession began to move on. The dogs marched immurely as if they had never done anything else in all their lives then walk in procession and the band played a magnificent festive march not composed for the occasion. The stately cortège marched twice round the Fram after which with great solemnity it moved off in the direction of the large hammock and was photographed on the way by the photographer of the expedition. At the hammock a hearty cheer was given for the Fram which had brought us hither so well and which would doubtless take us equally well home again. After this the procession turned back cutting across the Fram's bow. At the port gangway a halt was called and the photographer mounting the bridge made a speech in honour of the day. This was succeeded by a thundering salute consisting of six shots the result of which was that five or six of the dogs rushed off over hammocks and pressure ridges and hid themselves for several hours. Meanwhile we went down into the cozy cabin decorated with flags for the occasion in a right festive manner where we partook of a splendid dinner pre-looted by a lovely vaults. The menu was as follows minced fish with curried lobster melted butter and potatoes music pork cutlets with green peas potatoes mango chutney and Worcester sauce music apricots and custard with cream much music after this a siesta then coffee currents figs cakes and the photographer stood cigars great enthusiasm then more siesta after supper the violinist Mogs dead gave a recital when refreshments were served in the shape of figs sweet meats apricots and gingerbread honey cakes on the whole a charming and very successful 17th of May especially considering that we had passed the 81st degree of latitude Monday May 28th I am tired of these endless white planes cannot even be bothered snowshoeing over them not to mention that the lanes stop one on every hand day and night I pace up and down the deck along the ice by the ship's sides revolving the most elaborate scientific problems for the past few days it is especially the shifting of the pole that has fascinated me I am beset by the idea that the tidal wave along with the unequal distribution of land and sea must have a disturbing effect on the situation of the earth's axis when such an idea gets into one's head it is no easy matter to get it out again after pondering over it for several days I have finally discovered that the influence of the moon on the sea must be sufficient to cause a shifting of the pole to the extent of one minute in 800 thousand years in order to account for the European glacial age which was my main object I must shift the pole at least 10 or 20 degrees this leaves an uncomfortably wide interval of time since that period and shows that the human race must have attained a respectable age of course it is all nonsense but while I am indefatigably tramping the deck in a brown study imagining myself no end of a great thinker I suddenly discovered that my thoughts are at home where all is summer and loveliness and those I have left are busy building castles in the air for the day when I shall return yes yes I spend rather too much time on this sort of thing but the drift goes as slowly as ever and the wind the all-powerful wind is still the same the first thing my eyes look for when I set foot on deck in the morning is the weathercock on the mits and top to see how the wind lies thither they are forever straying during the whole day and there again they rest the last thing before I turn in but it ever points in the same direction west and southwest and we drift now quicker now more slowly westwards and only a little to the north I have no doubt now about the success of the expedition and my miscalculation was not so great after all but I scarcely think we shall drift higher than 85 degrees even if we do that it will depend on how far France Joseph land extends to the north in that case it will be hard to give up reaching the pole it is in reality a mere matter of vanity merely child's play in comparison with what we are doing and hoping to do and yet I must confess that I am foolish enough to want to take in the poll while I am about it and shall probably have a try at it if we get into its neighborhood within any reasonable time this is a mild May the temperature has been about zero several times of late and one can walk up and down and almost imagine oneself at home there seldom more than a few degrees of cold but the summer fogs are beginning with occasional horror frost as a rule however the sky with its light fleeting clouds is almost like a spring sky in the south we notice too that it has become milder on board we no longer need to light a fire in the stove to make ourselves warm and cozy though indeed we have never indulged in much luxury in this respect in the storeroom the rhyme frost and ice that had settled on the ceiling and walls are beginning to melt and in the compartments a stern of the saloon and in the hold we have been obliged to set about a grand cleaning up scraping off and sweeping away the ice and rhyme to save our provisions from taking harm through the damp penetrating the wrappings and rusting holes in the tin cases we have moreover for a long time kept the hatchways in the hold open so that there has been a thorough draft through it and a good deal of the rhyme has evaporated it is remarkable how little damp we have on board no doubt this is due to the from solid construction and to the deck over the hold being paneled on the underside I am getting Fonder and Fonder of this ship Saturday June 9 our politician Amundsen is celebrating the day with a white shirt and collar today I have moved with my work up into the deck house again where I can sit and look out of the window in the daytime and feel that I am living in the world and not in a cavern where one must have lamp light night and day I intend remaining here as long as possible out into the winter it is so cozy and quiet and the monotonous surroundings are not constantly forcing themselves in upon me I really have the feeling that summer has come I can pace up and down the deck by the hour together with the sun or stand still and roast myself in it while I smoke a pipe and my eyes glide over the confused masses of snow and ice the snow is everywhere wet now and pools are beginning to form every here and there the ice to is getting more and more permeated with salt water if one boars ever so small a hole in it it is at once filled with water the reason of course is that owing to the rise in the temperature the particles of salt contained in the ice begin to melt their surroundings and more and more water is formed with a good at mixture of salt in it so that it's freezing point is lower than the temperature of the ice around it this too had risen materially at about four feet depth it is only twenty five point two degrees Fahrenheit minus three point eight degrees Celsius at five feet it is somewhat warmer again twenty six point five degrees Fahrenheit minus three point one degrees Celsius Sunday June 10th oddly enough we have had no cases of snow blindness on board with the exception of the doctor who a couple of days ago after we had been playing at ball got a touch of it in the evening the tears poured from his eyes for some time but he soon recovered rather a humiliating trick of fate that he should be the first to suffer from this ailment subsequently we had a few isolated cases of slight snow blindness so that one or two of our men had to go about with dark spectacles but it was of little importance and was due to their not thinking it worthwhile to take the necessary precautions Monday June 11th today I made a joyful discovery I thought I had begun my last bundle of cigars and calculated that by smoking one a day they would last a month but found quite unexpectedly a whole box in my locker great rejoicing it will help to while away a few more months and where shall we be then poor fellow you are really at a low ebb to while away time that is an idea that has scarcely ever entered your head before it has always been your great trouble the time flew away so fast and now it cannot go fast enough to please you and then so addicted to tobacco you wrap yourself in clouds of smoke to indulge in your everlasting daydreams hark to the south wind how it whistles in the rigging it is quite inspiring to listen to it on mid summer eve we ought of course to have had a bonfire as usual but from my diary it does not seem to have been the sort of weather for it Saturday June 23rd 1894 mid the shady veils and the leafy trees how sweet the approach of the summer breeze when the mountain slopes in the sunlight gleam and the eve of saint john comes in like a dream the north wind continues with sleet gloomy weather drifting south 81 degrees 43 minutes north latitude that is nine minutes southward since Monday I have seen many mid summer eaves under different skies but never such a one as this so far far from all that one associates with this evening I think of the merriment round the bonfires at home hear the scraping of the fiddle the peals of laughter and the salvos of the guns with the echoes answering from the purple tinted heights and then I look out over this boundless white expanse into the fog and sleet and the driving wind here is truly no trace of mid summer merriment it is a gloomy look out altogether mid summer is past and now the days are shortening again and the long night of winter approaching which maybe we'll find us as far advanced as it left us I was busily engaged with my examination of the salinity of the seawater this afternoon when mogsted stuck his head in at the door and said that a bear must be prowling about in the neighborhood on returning after dinner to their work at the great hammock where they were busy making an ice cellar for fresh meat the men found bear tracks which were not there before I put on my snowshoes and went after it but what terrible going it had been the last few days soft slush in which the snowshoes sink helplessly the bear had come from the west right up to the from had stopped and inspected the work that was going on had then retreated a little made a considerable detour and set off eastwards at its easy shambling gate without deigning to pay any further attention to such a trifle as a ship it had rummaged about in every hole and corner where there seemed to be any chance of finding food and had rooted in the snow after anything the dogs had left or whatever else it might be it had then gone to the lanes in the ice and skirted them carefully no doubt in the hope of finding a seal or two and after that it had gone off between the hummocks and overflows with a surface of nothing but slush and water had the surface been good I should no doubt have overtaken master Bruin but he had too long a start in the slushy snow a dismal dispiriting landscape nothing but white and gray no shadows merely half obliterated forms melting into the fog and slush everything is in a state of disintegration and one's foothold gives way at every step it is hard work for the poor snowshoer who stamps along through the slush and fog after bear tracks that wind in and out among the hummocks or over them the snowshoes sink deep in and the water often reaches up to the ankles so that it is hard work to get them up or to force them forward but without them one would be still worse off every here and there this monotonous grayish whiteness is broken by the cold black water which winds in narrower or broader lanes in between the high hummocks white snow laden flows and lumps of ice float on the dark surface looking like white marble on a black ground occasionally there is a larger dark colored pool where the wind gets a hold of the water and forms small waves that ripple and plash against the edge of the ice the only signs of life in this desert tract it is like an old friend the sound of these playful wavelets and here too they eat away the flows and hollow out their edges one could almost imagine oneself in more southern latitudes but all around is wreathed with ice towering aloft in its ever-varying fantastic forms in striking contrast to the dark water on which a moment before the eye had rested everlastingly is this shifting ice modeling as it were in pure gray marble and with nature's lavish protagality screwing around the most glorious statuary which perishes without any eye having seen it wherefore to what end all this shifting pageant of loveliness it is governed by the mere caprices of nature following out those everlasting laws that pay no heed to what we regard as aims and objects in front of me towers one pressure ridge after another with lane after lane between it was in june the janet was crushed and sank what if the from were to meet her fate here no the ice will not get the better of her yet if it should in spite of everything as I stood gazing around me I remembered it was midsummer eve far away yonder her masts pointed aloft half lost to view in the snowy haze they must indeed have stout hearts those fellows on board that craft stout hearts or else blind faith in a man's word it is all very well that he who has hatched a plan be it never so wild should go with it to carry it out he naturally does his best for the child to which his thoughts have given birth but they they had no child to tend and could without feeling any yearning bulked have refrained from taking part in an expedition like this why should any human being renounce life to be wiped out here sunday june 24th the anniversary of our departure from home northerly wind still drifting south observations today gave 81 degrees 41 minutes seven seconds north latitude so we are not going at breakneck speed it has been a long year a great deal has been gone through in it though we are quite as far advanced as I had anticipated I am sitting and look out of the window at the snow whirling round in eddies as it is swept along by the north wind a strange midsummer day one might think we had had enough of snow and ice I am not however exactly pining after green fields at all events not always on the contrary I find myself sitting by the hour laying plans for other voyages into the ice after our return from this one yes I know what I have attained and more or less what awaits me it is all very well for me to sketch plans for the future but those at home no I am not any humor for writing this evening I will turn in Wednesday July 11th latitude 81 degrees 18 minutes eight seconds at last the southerly wind has returned so there is an end of drifting south for the present now I am almost longing for the polar night for the everlasting wonderland of the stars with the spectral northern lights and the moon sailing through the profound silence it is like a dream like a glimpse into the realms of fantasy there are no forms no cumbers reality only a vision woven of silver and violet ether rising up from earth and floating out into infinity but this eternal day with its oppressive actuality interests me no longer does not entice me out of my layer life is one incessant hurrying from one task to another everything must be done and nothing neglected day after day week after week and the working day is long seldom ending till far over midnight but through it all runs the same sensation of longing and emptiness which must not be noted ah but at times there is no holding it aloof and the hands sink down without will or strength so weary so unutterably weary ah life's peace is said to be found by holy men in the desert here indeed there is desert enough but peace of that I know nothing I suppose it is the holiness that is lacking Wednesday July 18th went on excursion with blessing in the forenoon to collect specimens of the brown snow and ice and gather seaweed and diatoms in the water the upper surface of the flows is nearly everywhere of a dirty brown color or at least this sort of ice preponderates while pure white flows without any traces of a dirty brown on their surface are rare I imagined this brown color must be due to the organisms I found in the newly frozen brownish red ice last autumn October but the specimens I took today consist for the most part of mineral dust mingled with diatoms and other ingredients of organic origin blessing collected several specimens on the upper surface of the ice earlier in the summer and came to the same conclusions I must look farther into this in order to see whether all this brown dust is of a mineral nature and consequently originates from the land we found in the lanes quantities of algae like what we had often found previously there were large accumulations of them in nearly every little channel we could also see that a brown surface layer spread itself on the sides of the flows far down into the water this is due to an algae that grows on the ice there were also floating in the water a number of small visit lumps some white some of a yellowish red color and of these I collected several under the microscope they all appeared to consist of accumulations of diatoms among which moreover were a number of larger cellular organisms of a very characteristic appearance all of these diatoms accumulations kept at a certain depth about a yard below the surface of the water in some of the small lanes they appeared in large masses at the same depth the above named algae seemed especially to flourish while parts of it rose up to the surface it was evident that these accumulations of diatoms and algae remained floating exactly at the depth where the upper stratum of fresh water rests on the seawater the water on the surface was entirely fresh and the masses of diatoms sank in it but floated on reaching the salt water below Thursday July 19th it is as I expected I am beginning to know the ways of the wind up here pretty well now after having blown a windmill breeze today it falls calm in the evening and tomorrow we shall probably have wind from the west or northwest yesterday evening the last cigar out of the old box and now I have smoked the first out of the last box I have got we were to have got so far by the time that box was finished but are scarcely any further advanced than when I began it and goodness knows if we shall be that when this too has disappeared but enough of that smoke away Sunday July 22nd the northwest wind did not come quite up to time on Friday we had northeast instead and during the night it gradually went round to north northeast and yesterday forenoon it blew due north today it has ended in the west the old well-known quarter of which we have had more than enough this evening the line shows about northwest to north and it is strong so we are moving south again I pass the day at the microscope I am now busy with the diatoms and algae of all kinds that grow on the ice in the uppermost fresh stratum of the sea these are undeniably most interesting things a whole new world of organisms that are carried off by the ice from known shores across the unknown polar sea they're too awaken every summer and develop into life and bloom yes it is very interesting work but yet there's not that same burning interest as of old although the scent of oil of cloves Canada balsam and wood oil awakens many dear reminiscences of that quiet laboratory at home and every morning as I come in here the microscope and glasses and colors on the table invite me to work but though I work indefatigably day after day till late in the night it is mostly duty work and I am not sorry when it is finished to go and lie for some few hours in my birth reading a novel and smoking a cigar with what exaltation would I not throw the whole aside spring up and lay hold of real life fighting my way over ice and sea with sledges boats or kayaks it is more than true that it is easy to live a life of battle but here there is neither storm nor battle and I thirst after them I long to enlist titanic forces and fight my way forward that would be living but what pleasure is there in strength when there's nothing for it to do here we drift forward and here we drift back and now we have been two months on the same spot everything however is being got ready for a possible expedition or for the contingency of its becoming necessary to abandon the ship all the hand sledges are lashed together and the iron fittings carefully seen to six dog sledges are also being made and tomorrow we shall begin building kayaks ready for the men they are easy to draw on hand sledges in case of a retreat over the ice without the ship for a beginning we are making kayaks to hold two men each I intend to have them about 12 feet long three feet wide and 18 inches in depth six of these are to be made they are to be covered with seal skin or sailcloth and to be decked all over except for two holes one for each man I feel that we have or rather shall have everything needful for a brilliant retreat sometimes I seem almost to be longing for a defeat a decisive one so that we might have a chance of showing what is in us and putting an end to this irksome inactivity Monday July 30th westerly wind with northwestern by way of a pleasant variety such as our daily fare week after week on coming up in the morning I no longer cared to look at the weather cock on the masthead or at the line in the water for I know beforehand that the former points east or southeast and the line in the contrary direction and that we are ever bearing to the southeast yesterday it was 81 degrees seven minutes north latitude the day before 81 degrees 11 minutes and last Monday July 25th 81 degrees 26 minutes but it occupies my thoughts no longer I know well enough there will be a change sometime or other and the way to the stars leads through adversity I have found a new world and that is the world of animal and plant life that exists in almost every freshwater pool on the ice flows from morning till evening until late in the night I am absorbed with the microscope and see nothing around me I live with these tiny beings in their separate universe where they are born and die generation after generation where they pursue each other in the struggle for life and carry on their love affairs with the same feelings the same sufferings and the same joys that permeate every living being from these microscopic animalcules up to man self-preservation and propagation that is the whole story fiercely as we human beings struggle to push our way on through the labyrinth of life their struggles are assuredly no less fierce than ours one incessant restless hurrying to and fro pushing all others aside to burrow out for themselves what is needful to them and as to love only mark with what passion they seek each other out with all our brain cells we do not feel more strongly than they never live so entirely for a sensation but what is life what matters the individual suffering so long as the struggle goes on and these are small one-cell lumps of viscous matter teeming in thousands and millions on nearly every single flow over the whole of this boundless sea which we are apt to regard as the realm of death mother nature has a remarkable power of producing life everywhere even this ice is a fruitful soil for her in the evening a little variety occurred in our uneventful existence yohansen having discovered a bear to the south east of the ship but out of range it had no doubt been prowling about for some time while we were below at supper and had been quite near us but being alarmed by some sound or other had gone off eastwards svered up an ice set out after it but to no purpose the lanes hindered us too much and moreover a fog came on so that we had to return after having gone a good distance the world of organisms I above alluded to was the subject of special research through the short summer and in many respects was quite remarkable when the sun's rays had gained power on the surface of the ice and melted the snow so that pools were formed there was soon to be seen at the bottom of these pools small yellowish brown spots so small that at first one hardly noticed them day by day they increased in size and absorbing like all dark substances the heat of the sun's rays they gradually melted the underlying ice and formed round cavities often several inches deep these brown spots were the above mentioned algae and diatoms they developed speedily in the summer light and would fill the bottoms of the cavities with a thick layer but there were not plants only the water also teamed with swarms of animalcules mostly in fusoria and flagellata which subsisted on the plants I actually found bacteria even these regions are not free from them but I could not always remain chained by the microscope sometimes when the fine weather tempted me irresistibly I had to go out and bake myself in the sun and imagine myself in Norway Saturday August 4th lovely weather yesterday and today light fleecy clouds sailing high aloft through the sparkling azure sky filling one's soul with longings to soar as high and as free as they I have just been out on deck this evening one could almost imagine one self at home by the fjord Saturday evening's peace seemed to rest on the scene and on one's soul our sailmaker Sverdrup and Amundsen have today finished covering the first double kayak with sailcloth fully equipped it weighs 30.5 kilos 60 pounds I think it will prove a first rate contrivance Sverdrup and I tried it on a pool it carried us splendidly and was so stiff that even sitting on the deck we could handle it quite comfortably it will easily carry two men with full equipment for 100 days a handier or more practical craft for regions like this I cannot well imagine Sunday August 5th 81 degrees 7.3 minutes north latitude I can't forget the sparkling fjord when the church boat rose in the morning brilliant summer weather I bathe in the sun and dream I am at home either on the high mountains or heaven knows why on the fjords of the west coast the same white fleecy clouds in the clear blue summer sky heaven arches itself overhead like a perfect dome there is nothing to bar one's way and the soul rises up unfettered beneath it what matters it that the world below is different the ice no longer single glittering glaciers but spread out on every hand is it not these same fleecy clouds far away in the blue expanse that the eye looks for at home on a bright summer day sailing on these fancy steers its course to the land of west for longing and it is just at these glittering glaciers in the distance that we direct our longing gaze why should not a summer day be as lovely here ah yes it is lovely pure as a dream without desire without sin a poem of clear white sunbeams refracted in the cool crystal blue of the ice how unutterably delightful does not this world appear to us on some stifling summer day at home have rested and kept Sunday I could not remain in the whole day so took a long trip over the ice progress is easy except for the lanes Hansen practiced kayak paddling this afternoon on the pool around the ship from which several channels diverge over the ice but he was not content with paddling round in them but must of course make an experiment in capsizing and recovering himself as the Eskimos do it ended by his not coming up again losing his paddle remaining head downwards in the water and beating about with his hands till the kayak filled and he got a cold bath from top to toe Nordahl who was standing by on the ice to help him at last found it necessary to go in after him and raise him up on an even keel again to the great amusement of us others one can notice that it is summer this evening a game of cards is being played on deck with peaks big pot for a card table one could almost think it was an august evening at home only the toddy is wanting but the pipes and cigars we have Sunday august 12th we had a shooting competition in the forenoon a glorious evening I took a stroll over the ice among the lanes and hammocks it was so wonderfully calm and still not a sound to be heard but the drip drip of water from a block of ice and the dull sound of a snow slip from some hammock in the distance the sun is low down in the north and overhead is the pale blue dome of heaven with gold edged clouds the profound peace of the arctic solitudes my thoughts fly free and far if one could only give utterance to all that stirs one's soul on such an evening as this what an incomprehensible power one's surroundings have over one why is it that at times I complain of the loneliness with nature around one with one's books and studies one can never be quite alone Thursday august 16th yesterday evening as I was lying in my birth reading and all except the watch had turned in I heard the report of a gun on deck over my head thinking it was a bear I hurriedly put on my sea boots and sprang on deck there I saw Johansson bearheaded rifle in hand was it you that fired the shot yes I shot at the big hammock yonder I thought something was stirring there and I wanted to see what it was but it seems to have been nothing I went to the railings and looked out I fancied it was a bear that was after our meet but it was nothing as we stood there one of the dogs came jogging along from the big hammock then you see what you have shot at I said laughing I'm bothered if it wasn't a dog he replied I spare it was true enough for so we called this dog it had seemed so large in the fog scratching at the meat hammock did you aim at the dog and miss that was a lucky chance no I simply fired at random in that direction for I wanted to see what it was I went below and turned in again at breakfast today he had of course to run the gauntlet of some sarcastic questions about his harmless thunderbolt but he parried them adroitly enough Tuesday August 21st north latitude 81 degrees 4.2 minutes strange how little alteration there is we drift a little to the north then a little to the south and keep almost to the same spot but I believe as I have believed all along since before we even set out that we should be away three years or rather three winters and four summers neither more nor less and that in about two years time from this present autumn we shall reach home footnote it was two years later to a day that the from put in at Chervo on the coast of Norway the approaching winter will drift us further however slowly and it begins already to announce itself for there were four degrees of cold last night Sunday August 26th it seems almost as if winter had come the cold has kept on an average between 24.8 degrees Fahrenheit minus four degrees Celsius and 21.2 degrees Fahrenheit minus six degrees Celsius since Thursday there are only slight variations in the temperature up here so we may expect it to fall regularly from this time forth though it is rather early for winter to set in all the pools and lanes are covered with ice thick enough to bear a man even without snowshoes I went out on my snowshoes both morning and afternoon the surface was beautiful everywhere some of the lanes had opened out or been compressed a little so that the new ice was thin and bent unpleasantly under the snowshoes but it bore me though two of the dogs fell through a good deal of snow had fallen so there was fine soft new snow to travel over if it keeps on as it is now there will be excellent snowshoeing in the winter for it is fresh water that now freezes on the surface so that there is no salt that the wind can carry from the new ice to spoil the snow all around as was the case last winter such snow with salt in it makes as heavy a surface as sand Monday August 27th just as blessing was going below after his watch tonight and was standing by the rail looking out he saw a white form that lay rolling in the snow a little way off to the southeast afterwards it remained for a while lying quite still Johansson who was to relieve blessing now joined him and they both stood watching the animal intently presently it got up so there was no longer any doubt as to what it was each got hold of a rifle and crept stealthily towards the forecastle where they waited quietly while the bear cautiously approached the ship making long tacks against the wind a fresh breeze was blowing and the windmill going round at full speed but this did not alarm him at all very likely it was this very thing he wanted to examine at last he reached the lane in front when they both fired and he fell down dead on the spot it was nice to get fresh meat again this was the first bear we had shot this year and of course we had roast bear for dinner today regular winter with snowstorms Wednesday August 29th a fresh wind it rattles and pipes in the rigging aloft and enlivening change and no mistake the snow drifts as if it were midwinter fine august weather but we are bearing north again and we have need to yesterday our latitude was 80 degrees 53.5 minutes this evening i was standing in the hold at work on my new bamboo kayak which will be the very acme of lightness pettison happened to come down and give me a hand with some lashings that i was busy with we chatted a little about things in general and he was of opinion that we had a good crib of it on board the from because here we had everything we wanted and she was a devil of a ship and any other ship would have been crushed flat long ago but for all that he would not be afraid he said to leave her when he saw all the contrivances such as these new kayaks we had been getting ready he was sure no former expedition had ever had such contrivances or been so equipped against all possible emergencies as we but after all he would prefer to return home on the from then we talked about what we should do when we did get home oh for your part no doubt you'll be off to the south pole he said and you i replied will you tuck up your sleeves and begin again at the old work oh very likely but on my word i ought to have a week's holiday first after such a trip i should want it before buckling two at the sledgehammer again end of file 16 file number 17 of farthest north volume one this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by Sharon riskadal farthest north by free chaff nonsense volume one chapter eight second autumn in the ice part one so summer was over and our second autumn and winter were beginning but we were now more inured to the trials of patients attendant on this life and time passed quickly besides i myself was now taken up with new plans and preparations illusion has several times been made to the fact that we had during the course of the summer got everything into readiness for the possibility of having to make our way home across the ice six double kayaks had been built the hand sledges were in good order and careful calculation had been made of the amount of food clothing fuel etc that it would be necessary to carry but i had also quietly begun to make preparations for my own meditated expedition north in august as already mentioned i had begun to work at a single kayak the framework made of bamboo i had said nothing about my plan yet except a few words to spare drip it was impossible to tell how far north the drift would take us and so many things might happen before spring in the meantime life on board went on as usual there were the regular observations and all sorts of occupations and i myself was not so absorbed in my plans that i did not find time for other things too thus i see from my diary that in the end of august and in september i must have been very proud of a new invention that i made for the galley all last year we had cooked on a particular kind of copper range heated by petroleum lamps it was quite satisfactory except that it burned several quarts of petroleum a day i could not help fearing sometimes that our lighting supply might run short if the expedition lasted longer than was expected and always wondered if it would not be possible to construct an apparatus that would burn coal oil black oil as we call it on board of which we had 20 tons originally intended for the engine and i succeeded in making such an apparatus on august 30th i write have tried my newly invented coal oil apparatus for heating the range and it is beyond expectation successful it is splendid that we shall be able to burn coal oil in the galley now there is no fear of our having to cry ourselves blind for lack of light by and by this adds more than 4 000 gallons to our stock of oil and we can keep all our fine petroleum now for lighting purposes and have lamps for many a year even if we are a little extravagant the 20 tons of coal oil ought to keep the range going for four years i think the contrivance is as simple as possible from a reservoir of oil a pipe leads down and into the fireplace the oil drips down from the end of this pipe into an iron bowl and is here sucked up by a sheet of asbestos or by coal ashes the flow of oil from the pipe is regulated by a fine valve cock to ensure a good draft i bring a ventilating pipe from outside right by the range door air is pressed through this by a large wind sale on deck and blows straight on to the iron bowl where the oil burns briskly with a clear white flame whoever lights the fire in the morning has only to go on deck and see that the wind sale is set to the wind to open the ventilator to turn the cock so that the oil runs properly and then set it burning with a scrap of paper it looks after itself and the water is boiling in 20 minutes or half an hour one could not have anything much easier than this it seems to me but of course in our as in other communities it is difficult to introduce reforms everything new is looked upon with suspicion somewhat later i write of the same apparatus we are now using the galley again with the coal oil fire the moving down took place the day before yesterday and the fire was used yesterday it works capitally a three-foot wind is enough to give a splendid draft the day before yesterday when i was sitting with some of the others in the saloon in the afternoon i heard a dull report out in the galley and said at once that it sounded like an explosion presently peterson stuck ahead in at the door as black as a sweeps great lumps of soot all over it and said that the stove had exploded right into his face he was only going to look if it was burning rightly and the whole fiendish thing flew out at him a stream of words not unmingled with oaths flowed like peas out of a sack while the rest of us yelled with laughter in the galley it was easy to see that something had happened the walls were covered with soot in lumps and stripes pointing toward the fireplace the explanation of the accident was simple enough the draft had been insufficient and a quantity of gas had formed which had not been able to burn until air was let in by peterson opening the door this is a good beginning i told peterson in the evening that i would do the cooking myself next day when the real trial was to be made but he would not hear of such a thing he said i was not to think that he minded a trifle like that i might trust to its being all right and it was all right from that day i heard nothing but praise of the new apparatus and it was used until the from was out in the open sea again thursday september 6th 81 degrees 13.7 minutes north latitude have i been married five years today last year this was a day of victory when the ice fetters burst at timor island but there is no thought to victory now we are not so far north as i had expected the northwest wind has come again and we are drifting south and yet the future does not seem to me so long and so dark as it sometimes has done next september 6th can it be possible that then every fetter will have burst and we shall be sitting together talking of this time in the far north and of all the longing as of something that once was and that will never be again the long long night has passed the morning is just breaking and a glorious new day lies before us and what is there against this happening next year why should not this winter carry the from west to someplace north of france joseph land and then my time has come and off i go with dogs and sledges to the north my heart beats with joy at the very thought of it the winter shall be spent in making every preparation for that expedition and it will pass quickly i have already spent much time on these preparations i think of everything that must be taken and how it is to be arranged and the more i look at the thing from all points of view the more firmly convinced do i become that the attempt will be successful if only the from can get north in reasonable time not too late in the spring if she could just reach 84 degrees or 85 degrees then i should be off in the end of february or the first days of march as soon as the daylight comes after the long winter night and the hole would go like a dance only four or five months and the time for action will have come again what joy when i look out over the ice now it is as if my muscles quivered with longing to be striding off over it in real earnest fatigue and privation will then be a delight it may seem foolish that i should be determined to go off on this expedition when perhaps i might do more important work quietly here on board but the daily observations will be carried on exactly the same i have celebrated the day by arranging my work room for the winter i have put in a petroleum stove and expect that this will make it warm enough even in the coldest weather with the snow walls that i intend to build round the outside of it and a good roof covering of snow at least double the amount of work will be done if this cabin can be used in winter and i can sit up here instead of in the midst of the racket below i have such comfortable times of it now in peace and quietness letting my thoughts take their way unchecked sunday september ninth 81 degrees four minutes north latitude the midnight sun disappeared some days ago and already the sun sets in the northwest it is gone by ten o'clock in the evening and there is once more a glow over the eternal white winter is coming fast another peaceful sunday with rest from work and a little reading out snowshoeing today i crossed several frozen over lanes and very slight packing has begun here and there i was stopped at last by a broad open lane lying pretty nearly north and south at places it was 400 to 500 yards across and i saw no end to it either north or south the surface was good one got along quickly with no exertion at all when it was in the direction of the wind this is undeniably a monotonous life sometimes it feels to me like a long dark night my life's ragnarok dividing it into two the sun is darkened the summer's with it all weather is weighty with woe snow covers the earth the wind whistles over the endless planes and for three years this winter lasts till comes the time for the great battle and men trampels way there is a hard struggle between life and death but after that comes the rain of peace the earth rises from the sea again and decks itself anew with verdure torrents roar eagles hover over them watching for fish among the rocks and then valhalla fairer than the sun and long length of happy days peterson who is cooked this week came in here this evening as usual to get the bill of fare for next day when his business was done he stood for a minute and then said that he had had such a strange dream last night he had wanted to be taken as cook with a new expedition but dr nonson wouldn't have him and why not well this was how it was i dreamed that dr nonson was going off across the ice to the pole with four men and i asked to be taken but you said that you didn't need a cook on this expedition and i thought that was query enough for you would surely want food on this trip as well it seemed to me that you had ordered the ship to meet you at some other place anyhow you were not coming back here but to some other land it's strange that one can lie and rake up such a lot of nonsense in one's sleep that was perhaps not such very great nonsense peterson it is quite possible that we might have to make such an expedition but if we did we should certainly not come back to the from well if that happened i would ask to go sure enough for it's just what i should like i'm no great snowshoer but i would manage to keep up somehow that's all very well but there's a great deal of weary hard work on a journey like that you needn't think it's all pleasure no no one would expect that but it would be all right if i might only go but there might be worse than hardships peterson it would more than likely mean risking your life i don't care for that either a man has got to die sometime yes but you don't want to shorten your life oh i would take my chance of that you can lose your life at home too though perhaps not quite so easily is here but if a man was always to be thinking about that he would never do anything that's true anyhow he would not need to come on an expedition like this but remember that a journey northward over the ice would be no child's play no i know that well enough but if it was with you i shouldn't be afraid it would never do if we had to manage alone we'd be sure to go wrong but it's quite a different thing you see when there is one to lead that you know has been through it all before it is extraordinary the blind faith such men have in their leader i believe they would set off without a moment's reflection if they were asked to join in an expedition to the pole now with black winter at the door it is grand as long as the faith lasts but god be merciful to him on the day that it fails saturday september fifteenth this evening we have seen the moon again for the first time beautiful full moon and a few stars were also visible in the night sky which is still quite light notices were posted up today in several places they ran as follows as fire here on board might be followed by the most terrible consequences two great precaution cannot be taken for this reason every man is requested to observe the following rules most conscientiously one no one is to carry matches two the only places where matches may be kept are one the galley where the cook for the time being is responsible for them two the four single cabins where the inmate of each is responsible for his box three the work cabin when work is going on four on the mast in the saloon from which neither box nor single matches must be taken away under any circumstances three matches must not be struck anywhere except in the places above named four the one exception to the above rules is made when the forge has to be lighted five all the ships holds are to be inspected every evening at eight o'clock by the fire inspector who will give in his report to the undersigned after that time no one may without special permission take a light into the holds or into the engine room six smoking is only allowed in the living rooms and on deck lighted pipes or cigars must on no account be seen elsewhere free chaff nonsense from september fifteenth eighteen ninety-four some of these regulations may seem to infringe on the principle of equality which i have been so anxious to maintain but these seem to me the best arrangements i can make to ensure the good of all and that must come before everything else friday september twenty first we have had tremendously strong wind from the northwest and north for some days with a velocity at times of thirty nine and forty two feet during this time we must have drifted a good way south the radical right had got hold of the helm said amundsen but their time in power was short for it fell calm yesterday and now we are going north again and it looks as if the left were to have a spell at the helm to repair the wrongs done by the right kettles for the dogs have been built this week a row of splendid ice houses along the port side of the ship four dogs in each house good warm winter quarters in the meantime our eight little pups are thriving on board they have a grand world to wander around the whole foredeck with a nonning over it you can hear their little barks and yelps as they rush about among shavings hand sledges the steam winch mill axle and other odds and ends they play a little and they fight a little and forward under the forecastle they have their bed among the shavings a very cozy corner where kovik lies stretched out like a lioness in all her majesty there they tumble over each other in a heat browned her sleep yawn eat and pull each other's tails it is a picture of home and peace here near the pole which one could watch by the hour life goes its regular even uneventful way quiet as the ice itself and yet it is wonderful how quickly the time passes the equinox has come the nights are beginning to turn dark and at noon the sun is only nine degrees above the horizon i passed the day busily here in the work cabin and often feel as if i were sitting in my study at home with all the comforts of civilization round me if it were not for the separation one could be as well off here as there sometimes i forget where i am not infrequently in the evening when i have been sitting absorbed in work i have jumped up to listen when the dogs barked thinking to myself who can be coming then i remember that i am not at home but drifting out in the middle of the frozen polar sea at the commencement of the second long arctic night the temperature has been down to 1.4 degrees fahrenheit below zero minus 17 degrees celsius today winter is coming on fast there is little drift just now and yet we are in good spirits it was the same last autumn equinox but how many disappointments we have had since then how terrible it was in the later autumn when every calculation seemed to fail as we drifted farther and farther south not one bright spot on our horizon but such a time will never come again there may still be great relapses there may be slow progress for a time but there is no doubt as to the future we see it dawning bright in the west beyond the arctic night sunday september 23rd it was a year yesterday since we made fast for the first time to the great hammock in the ice haunson improved the occasion by making a chart of our drift for the year it does not look so very bad though the distance is not great the direction is almost exactly what i had expected but more of this tomorrow it is so late that i cannot write about it now the nights are turning darker and darker winter is settling down upon us tuesday september 25th i have been looking more carefully at the calculation of our last year's drift if we reckon from the place where we were shut in on the 22nd of september last year to our position on the 22nd of september this year the distance we have drifted is 189 miles equal to three degrees nine minutes latitude reckoning from the same place but to the farthest north point we reached in summer july 16th makes the drift 225 miles or three degrees 46 minutes but if we reckon from our most southern point in the autumn of last year november 7th to our most northern point this summer then the drift is 305 miles or five degrees five minutes we got fully four degrees north from 77 degrees 43 minutes 281 degrees 53 minutes to give the course of the drift is a difficult task in these latitudes as there is a perceptible deviation of the compass with every degree of longitude as one passes east or west the change of course given in degrees will be almost exactly the same as the number of degrees of longitude that have been passed our average course will be about north 36 degrees west the direction of our drift is consequently a much more northerly one than the genets was and this is just what we expected ours cuts hers at an angle of 59 degrees the line of this year's drift continued will cut the northeast island of spitsbergen and take us as far north as 84 degrees seven minutes in 75 degrees east longitude somewhere north northeast of france joseph land the distance by this course to the northeast island is 827 miles should we continue to progress only at the rate of 189 miles a year it would take us 4.4 years to do this distance but assuming our progress to be at the rate of 305 miles a year we shall do it in 2.7 years that we should drift at least as quickly as this seems probable because we can hardly now be driven back as we were in october last year when we had the open water to the south and the great mass of ice to the north of us the past summer seems to me to have proved that while the ice is very unwilling to go back south it is most ready to go northwest as soon as there is ever so little easterly not to mention southerly wind i therefore believe as i always have believed that the drift will become faster as we get farther northwest and the probability is that the from will reach norway in two years the expedition having lasted its full three years as i somehow had a feeling that it would as our drift is 59 degrees more northerly than the genets and as france joseph land must force the ice north taking for granted that all that comes from this great basin goes round to the north of france joseph land it is probable that our course will become more northerly the farther on we go until we are past france joseph land and that we shall consequently reach a higher latitude than our drift so far would indicate i hope 85 degrees at least everything has come right so far the direction of our drift is exactly parallel with the course which i conjectured to have been taken by the flow with the genet relics and which i pricked out on the chart prepared for my london address this course touched about 87 and a half degrees north latitude i have no right to expect a more northerly drift than parallel to this and have no right to be anything but happy if i get as far our aim as i have so often tried to make clear is not so much to reach the point in which the earth's access terminates as to traverse and explore the unknown polar sea and yet i should like to get to the pole too and hope that it will be possible to do so if only we can reach 84 degrees or 85 degrees by march and why should we not thursday september 27th have determined that beginning from tomorrow every man is to go out snowshoeing two hours daily from 11 to 1 so long as the daylight lasts it is necessary if anything happened that obliged us to make our way home over the ice i am afraid some of the company would be a terrible hindrance to us unpracticed as they are now several of them are first rate snowshoers but five or six of them would soon be feeling the pleasures of learning if they had to go out on a long course and without snowshoes it would be all over with us after this we used to go out regularly in a body besides being good exercise it was also a great pleasure everyone seemed to thrive on it and they all became accustomed to the use of the shoes on this ground even though they often got them broken in the unevenness of the pressurages we just patched and riveted them together to break them again monday october first we tried a hand sledge today with a load of 250 pounds it went along easily and yet was hard to draw because the snowshoes were apt to slip to the side on the sort of surface we had i almost believe that indian snowshoes would be better on this ground where there are so many knobs and smooth hillocks to draw the sledges over when amundsen first began to pull the sledge he thought it was nothing at all but when he had gone on for a time he fell into a fit of deep and evidently sad thought and went silently home when he got on board he confided to the others that if a man had to draw a load like that he might just as well lie down at once it would come to the same thing in the end that is how practice is apt to go in the afternoon i yoked three dogs to the same little sledge with the 250 pounds load and they drew it along as if it were nothing at all tuesday october second beautiful weather but coldish 49 degrees fahrenheit of frost minus 27 degrees celsius during the night which is a good deal for october surely it will be a cold winter if it goes on at the same rate but what do we care whether there are 90 degrees of frost or 120 degrees a good snow showing excursion today they are all becoming most expert now but darkness will be on us presently and then there will be no more of it it is a pity this exercise is so good for us we must think of something to take its place i have a feeling now as if this were to be my last winter on board will it really come to my going off north in spring the experiment in drawing a loaded hand sledge over this ice was certainly anything but promising and if the dog should not hold out or should be of less use than we expect and if we should come to worse ice instead of better well we should only have ourselves to trust to but if we can just get so far on with the from that the distance left to be covered is at all a reasonable one i believe that it is my duty to make the venture and i cannot imagine any difficulty that will not be overcome when our choice lies between death and onward and home thursday october fourth the ice is rather impassable in places but there are particular lanes or tracts taking it all together it is in good condition for sledging and snow showing though the surface is rather soft so that the dogs sink in a little this is probably chiefly owing to their having been no strong winds of late so that the snow has not been well packed together life goes on in the regular routine there is always some little piece of work turning up to be done yesterday the breaking in of the young dogs began it was just the three barbara freya and susena gulabrand is such a miserable thin wretch that he is escaping for the present they were unmanageable at first and rushed about in all directions but in a little while they do like old dogs and were all together better than we expected gavik of course set them a noble example it fell to mugstead's lot to begin the training as it was his week for looking after the dogs this duty is taken in turns now each man has his week of attending to them both morning and afternoon it seems to me that a very satisfactory state of feeling prevails on board at present when we are just entering on our second arctic night which we hope is to be a longer and probably also a colder one than any people before us have experienced there is appreciably less light every day soon there will be none but the good spirits do not wane with the light it seems to me that we are more uniformly cheerful than we have ever been what the reason of this is i cannot tell perhaps just custom but certainly too we are well off in clover as the saying is we are drifting gently but it is to be hoped surely on through the dark unknown nevelheim where terrified fancy has pictured all possible horrors yet we are living a life of luxury and plenty surrounded by all the comforts of civilization i think we shall be better off this winter than last the firing apparatus in the galley is working splendidly and the cook himself is now of opinion that it is an invention which approaches perfection so we shall burn nothing but coal oil there now it warms the place well and a good deal of the heat comes up here into the workroom where i sometimes sit and perspire until i have to take off one garment after another although the window is open and there are 30 odd degrees of cold outside i have calculated that the petroleum which this enables us to keep for lighting purposes only will last at least 10 years though we burn it freely 300 days in the year at present we are not using petroleum lamps at the rate assumed in my calculation because we frequently have electric light and then even here summer comes once a year or at any rate something which we must call summer even allowing for accidents such as the possibility of a tank springing a leak in the oil running out there is still no reason whatever for being sparing of light and every man can have as much as he wants what this means can best be appreciated by one who for a whole year has felt the stings of conscience every time he went to work or read alone in his cabin and burned a lamp that was not absolutely necessary because he could have used the general one in the saloon as yet the coals are not being touched except for the stove in the saloon where they are to be allowed to burn as much as they like this winter the quantity thus consumed will be a trifle in comparison with our store of about 100 tons for which we cannot well have any other use until the from once more forces her way out of the ice on the other side another thing that is of no little help in keeping us warm and comfortable is the awning that is now stretched over the ship the only part i have left open is the stern a bath the bridge so as to be able to see round over the ice from there personally i must say that things are going well with me much better than i could have expected time is a good teacher that devouring longing does not gnaw so hard as it did is it apathy beginning shall i feel nothing at all by the time 10 years have passed oh sometimes it comes on with all its old strength as if it would tear me in pieces but this is a splendid school of patience much good it does to sit wondering whether they are alive or dead at home it only almost drives one mad all the same i never grow quite reconciled to this life it is really neither life nor death but a stake between the two it means never being at rest about anything or in any place a constant waiting for what is coming a waiting in which perhaps the best years of one's manhood will pass it is like what a young boy sometimes feels when he goes on his first voyage the life on board is hateful to him he suffers cruelly from all the torments of seasickness and being shut in within the narrow walls of the ship is worse than prison but it is something that has to be gone through beyond it all lies the south the land of his youthful dreams tempting with its sunny smile in time he arises half dead does he find his south how often it is but a barren desert he is cast ashore on sunday october 7th it has cleared up this evening and there is a starry sky and aurora borealis it is a little change from the constant cloudy weather with frequent snowshowers which we have had these last days thoughts come and thoughts go i cannot forget and i cannot sleep everything is still all are asleep i only hear the quiet step of the watch on deck the wind rustling in the rigging and the canvas and the clock gently hacking the time in pieces there on the wall if i go on deck there is black night stars sparkling high overhead and faint aurora flickering across the gloomy vault and out in the darkness i can see the glimmer of the great monotonous plain of the ice it is also inexpressibly forlorn so far far removed from the noise and unrest of men and all their striving what is life thus isolated a strange aimless process and man a machine which eats sleeps awakes eats and sleeps again dreams dreams but never lives or is life really nothing else and is it just one more phase of the eternal martyrdom a new mistake of the airing human soul this banishing of oneself to the hopeless wilderness only too long there for what one has left behind am i a coward am i afraid of death oh no but in these nights such longing can come over one for all beauty for that which is contained in a single word and the soul flees from this interminable and rigid world of ice when one thinks how short life is and that one came away from it all of one's own free will and remembers two that another is suffering the pain of constant anxiety true true till death oh mankind thy ways are passing strange we are but as flakes of foam helplessly driven over the tossing sea wednesday october 10th exactly 33 years old then there is nothing to be said to that except that life is moving on and will never turn back they have all been touchingly nice to me today and we have held fat they surprised me in the morning by having this saloon ornamented with flags they had hung the union above sverdrub's place we accused omonson of having done this but he would not confess to it above my door and over hansons they had the pennant with from in big letters it looked most festive when i came into the saloon and they all stood up and wished me many happy returns when i went on deck the flag was waving from the mizzen masthead we took a snowshoeing excursion south in the morning it was windy bitter weather i have not felt so cold for long the thermometer is down to 24 degrees fahrenheit below zero minus 31 degrees celcius this evening this is certainly the coldest birthday i have had yet a sumptuous dinner one fish pudding two sausages and tongue with potatoes haricot beans and peas three preserved strawberries with rice and cream crown extract of malt then to everyone's surprise our doctor began to take out of the pocket of the overcoat he always wears remarkable looking little glasses medicine glasses measuring glasses test glasses one for each man and lastly a whole bottle of lisselmaire liqueur real native lisselmaire which awakened general enthusiasm two drums of that per man was not so bad besides a quarter of a bottle of extract of malt coffee after dinner with a surprise in the shape of apple cake baked by our excellent cook petterson formerly smith and engineer then i had to produce my cigars which were also much enjoyed and of course we kept holiday all the afternoon at supper there was another surprise a large birthday cake from the same baker with the inscription t l m d to liqueur madaghan the norwegian equivalent for wishing a happy birthday ten ten ninety four in the evening came pineapples figs and sweets many a worse birthday might be spent in lower altitudes than 81 degrees the evening is passing with all kinds of merriment everyone is in good spirits the saloon resounds with laughter how many a merry meeting it has been the scene of but when one has said good night and sits here alone sadness comes and if one goes on deck there are the stars high overhead in the clear sky in the south is a smoldering aurora arch which from time to time sends up streamers a constant restless flickering we have been talking a little about this expeditions fair drip and i when we were out on the ice in the afternoon he suddenly said yes next october you will perhaps not be on board the from to which i had to answer that unless the winter turned out badly i probably should not but still i cannot believe in this rightly myself every night i am at home in my dreams but when the morning breaks i must again like helga gallop back on the pale horse by the way of the reddening dawn not to the joys of alhalla but to the realm of eternal ice for the alone sigran of the sava mountain must helga swim in the dew of sorrow end of file 17