 I hate anxiety. Tell me about your anxiety and where it came from. Throw a block up. My anxiety comes in the form. It is funny how everyone's anxiety comes in these weird. Mine is super high stress levels, cortisol, pulsing through my body, but not, I don't recognize it until I crash. I do this really wild thing that I've only learned through my old lady that I'll be humming along like I'll be doing this and this and this and go to this thing and have to go to this thing and meet this thing and I'll be like, I'll emotionally get so amped up and like rude, I'll start to be rude. Is it, does it feel good when you're in it? No, no, but it's like I'm keeping up. Do you know what I mean? I feel like I'm, it feels like when you're in a dream and you, when you can't punch or you can't run and you're stuck, that's what it feels like when I'm going through like a, like an anxiety moment. Not an anxiety attack, but just like a heavy anxiety. You have chronic anxiety. It seems like you have anxiety. All the time. Like you wake up with it. Yep, yeah. I mean, it doesn't, it's crippling. And then finally after- Where's your wheelchair? Huh? It's a crippling. I have a cane. You walk around. He's got my cane. Your anxiety cane? My anxiety cane. What happens is I will crash. I'll have, I will literally physically go to bed. Like I'll be running, running hot and I'll sit on the couch and I'll wake up like three hours later. Really? Yeah, it's the craziest thing. I had to ask a doctor about it because I got kind of concerned that I was like, did something bad, is something wrong? Have you missed things because of it? Like you were supposed to be somewhere and you was like, I had anxiety. No. And then I fell asleep. No, that's the problem is because I'm so worried about that I'll make it those. But the moment that I know I have a minute to like, all right, I don't want to do that thing till later tonight. And if I sit on the couch after I'm kind of pacing and panicking and talking out loud how annoyed I am, I will genuinely crash. I'll actually fall asleep. Anxiety. I mean, dude, I didn't realize how anxious I was until I started dating Katie. Are you like a foot popper? I'm kind of like, I shut down and I try to like, like she gave me the example of when we're out in public. I try to make sure that she's okay. Everyone's okay. And she's like, hey, enjoy yourself. We're in a ball game. We're at a concert. Like you don't have to, you can just go. You can just be a part of it. But I'd be like, and then I can't talk. Like she can hear my, we'll play a video game sometimes and we'll both be on a headset and she'll hear my breathing and she'll be like, dude, relax. Cause I'll be like, it's like, I don't even know I'm being anxious. I just like go into this stage where I'm like, like rocket league, something ridiculous. Something where we're literally playing to relax and I'm getting anxious cause I want to do well. Cause it's against people pleasing. It's the fucking, all this like adding up. I didn't realize that it was making me so anxious. Also, I'm a pod head. So I thought I was like. Cool. Pod heads are the most anxious people by and large. I've been really discovering that the last like two months. And I remember years ago I dated this girl and she was like, you know, you act like a pod head. Like you're all, she's like, I've never seen someone that flips out as much as you do. And you're like, yeah, I do. And then Katie one time was like. Well, cause you couch it as like, you're fucking harsh in my mellow man. It's like, no, I'm not. You're constantly on edge. You're constantly shaking a little bit even after you've smoked weed. And now even more so, cause it went sideways. But I had never had, she was the first person in my life that put the word anxiety on it. Where she was like, you know how anxious you are? And I was like, babe, I'm a fucking ass stoner. And she's like, no, you're a fucking wreck. And then I started being like, I am. And then she noticed it. Now what are you going to do? You can't smoke weed ain't going to help. Well, now it's even better just like learning how to relax naturally and being, you know, I meditate now. There's just like a lot of stuff that I do where I'm like, well that, yeah, I'm a big old puss. Big old do my breaths in the morning kind of puss. But I didn't notice it with my stand up until she noticed it. I did. Shane Gillis was, did like five sold out shows at Caroline's and he was like, dude, do guess it. Like it'd be awesome. Just come in and drop in and I'd be like, I'd fucking love to. This song, you know, it's cool. It's my friend's show. It's all sold out. No stakes for me. I'm just a surprise guest and I went up there and I was fucking around and just having a great time legitimately having fun. And then I went into my bits and I was doing it like this and I, but in my head I'm like, oh, it's time to do the bits. Now I got a really, now I'm going to kill. You know, now I'm going to go into it and the jokes weren't as working as well as I was when I was like making fun of people and just fucking around. And I got off stage and Katie was like, why'd you get so anxious? And I was like, what do you mean? I did my bits and she was like, dude, you were killing. And then you went into like, hopped up, did you ever go to here? I went to here and then I did this. And I was like, oh, that was pure anxiety. Pure anxiety of like, I have to do well. Cause in my head I'm like, Shane's fans are like, this guy sucks. And I'm like, nah, but I was, yeah. And so it's that anxiety of like robotic almost. And so now I'm aware of that every time I'm on stage, I'm like, hey dude, this isn't a big deal. This is fun. Yeah, relax, chill out. You don't have to do well. Yeah, you can do okay. And if you have fun watching comedians that have fun on stage made me realize how much I'm not having fun on stage. Like Chappelle, you watch Chappelle on stage and you're like, oh man. Never seen him. But he's just the way he flows, the way he's like, oh, this is all so much fun. I see that with like Sean Patton. I see that with Ali Sadiq. Like Ali Sadiq, I just watch him and I'm like, this is such a guy that's just in it. He's just present, he's in it and he's having fun. Same with Shane. Yeah. And I watch him and I'm like, Nate. I'm like, damn, you guys are all just having a blast. And I'm up there like this. You know, I'm just like, fucking get out of me. Well, it's hard if you have to, I not like have memorization issues, but like I want to remember, my bits are good. And I like doing them and I like when they work. And I can do crowd work that's funny and I just don't see it as more valuable than my bits. But I know what you mean. But I always used to watch Patrice and Big J and they do this thing where it's all one thing. Like I'll watch Big J and he'll like talk to somebody, but then he goes into like a long bit and you're like, that was so fucking cool. That was so cool to watch because I kind of knew what was the pre-planned stuff. But how you got there were organic. It just looked so smooth. And I love that. And I realized that I was like, are you guys having a good night? Good. Dating is very difficult with apps. And you're like, what the fuck dude? Just relax. But that's all tied to the anxiety. One of my blocks is anxiety. I'm so scared all the time of the worst possible thing happening. And it's like, I have a joke about it in my hour right now. I'm like, the worst thing that happens is usually the thing you didn't think of. And that's why you can never really let your guard down ever. Because your brain goes, well, if you worry about it, it won't happen. And you go, that's stupid, shut up. But then the stuff you didn't worry about is what happens. And you go, see, I knew it. Like I say on stage, I go, I think COVID was my fault. Like that was the one thing. Like did anyone else feel like that? When everything shut down, like I knew I forgot something. I knew it. I just didn't. The stove. Yeah. It came from your stove. Yes. Everything locked down the week after my first special came out. And I was like, wow, I was worried about everything else but this. Happening. Nothing is ever as bad as you think it's gonna be. Even bad stuff. But I would say, mom dying, as bad as you could have imagined. Never occurred to me. Right. Never occurred to me once. So there's no. I believed in Jesus. Jesus was gonna take care of me. Yeah. I think that there's a hierarchy of anxiety. So you were at some point, you're probably worried about succeeding. You succeeded. And you think, well then my anxiety is gonna be reduced 30%. No, no, no, no. Full amount of anxiety, now it's just proportion in different ways. It's just like, no, I'm gonna give 10% of that success anxiety to. My agent. There you go. Or I'm gonna worry about my relationship with someone. Whatever. Parking, fucking, being a black mold. That's a great one for women. It's number one. Number one for women, black mold. Aging, murder, black mold. Yes, yeah. Let's go with our first block, right? You ready? High anxiety stress. Yeah. I've known you for 15 years. You seem not, uptight, you like things a certain way. So tell me about high anxiety and stress. My problem is I'm constantly thinking. I'm never in the moment. I've been trying to do meditation over the last five years to kind of calm my mind down. But especially with kids, I'm always thinking if they could get hurt doing that or I'm thinking six months, 18 months ahead, career-wise. Never really enjoying being present. Right. So the anxiety comes from, it's like a lot of worry for me. Yeah. So that's what the anxiety is. It's not like I'm stressed out. It's more that I wish I could stop thinking so much and just being. Well, that's knowing what I know about From Your Act and the little bit I know about your life. You, how old's your dad? 76. And your mom's around 76, yeah. Yeah. So they didn't enjoy anything. You know what I mean? It's like you're, it's that joke you do about your dad. Like I've been depressed since I was 12 or whatever. Like that wasn't a thing that they had. Like as a way to be. My parents didn't enjoy anything. Enjoying, what are you talking about? I mean, you know what I mean? So like you then have, by all accounts, things could not be going better for you. Yes, they're going really well, but. Hold on, there is a better. I hear a better. With all that's going on. See, I enjoyed the kind of ride to where I'm at right now more than where I'm at right now. Because I feel a lot of pressure. Cause when you go to a comedy club and no one knows who you are, the expectations aren't high. You're just going, you're doing your comedy. You know, I was surprised that I started to sell out. I go, wow, we sold out or does it? Now it's a little bit more of a pressure to get the people to come and to sustain that. And I put a lot of pressure on myself to try and do that. And I am now just taking some time off. Are you really? Yeah. The anxiety, stress, is it from expectations you put on yourself? Yeah, it's not from childhood. But my mother's a little, she's a worry war, kind of grew up. I take after my mother that way. But the anxiety came more from, here in a nutshell, it's like you're successful, you make money, right? I've never been in this position before in my entire life as far as, you know, when I was making $70,000 a year at the Four Seasons Hotel as a waiter, I knew every year I generally will make around that amount of money. I had my rent, I had, oh, I could go to a dinner that was maybe expensive, but I could only do that once in a while. All right? By the way, heard nothing but good things about you as a waiter. Well, I mean, I could go back to waiting tables right now. Yeah, no, I believe it. If you got any shifts that you need picked up, the greater LA, I mean, we need a certain level of establishment. So now I'm dealing with money that I really never dealt with before. And it's like, sometimes you don't know, and I'm very conservative with it, just because I don't know how tomorrow could be my last show. And then what I got's gonna last 30 years. So that's kind of the challenge for me right now is to not pine so much over money and where it's spent and it's not like I'm tight. It's just like, what's enough to spend or sit? What am I saving for? The fuck am I saving for? I don't know, I'm being like, who am I now? I could dial it tomorrow. Or yeah, I mean, yeah, those are the things that you have buckets for that you're saving. No, I'm with you though, like what am I doing? Why am I doing this? Yeah, some people save for like, oh, they're gonna pass it on to charity or their kids or whatnot. I just, I gotta figure out what the hell my goal is in regards to socket money away. Yeah, I guess for me right now it's more of a safety blanket than anything else. Yeah, didn't you think that once you got to a certain level, you would relax? No, I'm getting to this level now of like just thinking about it because I was working so much. I just put my head down when the pandemic hit. I was like, all right, you know, I had just bought a house. I'm like, plus kids too, it's another thing. And there's another block on there which relates to kids. But once you have a family, a wife and two kids, you know, it's just ain't me anymore. You know, people are relying on me. So that puts another level of stress on top of what's going on. And how, what about overthinking? Have you done anything to help yourself with that? So I, I'm in therapy, which I've never really considered. I mean, not that I've never considered it, but you know, again, growing up where I grew up, therapy was no, no one I knew went to therapy. Nor should they have. And it's nice just to have, and it's a half hour a week on the phone. You only are doing a half hour? Half hour. I've never heard of anyone doing a half hour. Do you find it helpful? It's nice. It's nice for me. It's nice. And this is the type of therapy, not necessarily that we're dissecting a lot of things. It's just more like me talking some of my, what's going on in my life out, getting it out in the open, just talking about it, throwing it up to someone who doesn't really have a stake in the game. Yeah. And regardless of what the therapist says to me, I just find it therapeutic to throw up. Of course. Hey, did you like that? Did you like that? Yeah, did you like it though? 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