 Hello, Psych2Go viewers. I'm Michelle Riva as host of Psychology Roundtable. Our guest for today's live stream is Dr. Tara, professor and the host of the popular Love Bites podcast. Dr. Tara has amassed over 100,000 followers across her social media pages for her highly entertaining and educational videos about sex and health. Dr. Tara is also a tenured professor at California State University Fullerton and an award-winning researcher. Welcome, Dr. Tara. Thank you so much for joining us today. Hi, Michelle. Thanks for having me. I'm so excited to be here. Absolutely. So can you tell us a little bit about yourself and your background? Yeah. So currently, I'd say I wear like four hats, a lot of hats. First off, I am a tenured professor of sexual and relational communication at Cal State University Fullerton, where I teach college classes as well as master's level classes in relational communication. That's amazing. Thank you. And that's like my full-time job. And I have a lot of fun doing that. My second hat is I own a private practice for sex and relationship coaching here in downtown Los Angeles. And I see clients regularly. I only teach Monday, Wednesday. So other days, I see clients. And it's been really fun. I established my practice about, I think, almost four years ago. And I hope a lot of individuals and couples gain sexual confidence and gain clarity about their sex life and what is their sexual goals and how do they want to live a sexually fulfilling life. It's the type of conversation that I think people have never had until with me. Sex positivity isn't always everywhere. Not everyone is so used to sex positivity, which we need. Yeah. And sometimes we have a friend in a group that's very sex positive, talk about sex all the time, and it's just kind of unfiltered. And that's amazing and fun. And I always encourage people to be that person in the group. But at the end of the day, I think in coaching sessions, it's a little bit more systematic, theory-based, research-based. And it's always fun to help people discover who they are sexually. Exactly. We need experts like you just doing all of this and going across the field and helping people. So thank you for that. Oh, thanks, Michelle. We can totally have a session later if you want to. Absolutely. Yes. As long as it's free. As long as it's sexual self. My third hat is a TV host. So I'm on a TV show in the UK. You've been on many networks. You've been on KTLA, yes. Yeah. So I'm on this TV show called Celebs Go Dating, and it's a dating show, a really popular dating show in the UK. And I'm on there as a dating agent slash sex expert. So that's my third hat, which is kind of media TV person. And then the fourth hat, I would say content creator. Yes. I really, really enjoy making content. I saw a comment earlier that said, oh my god, I can't escape this lady. That's true. You cannot escape this lady because I'm on Instagram. Yeah, on Instagram, I have over 130,000 followers. On TikTok, I have over 2 million followers. Oh my god. And then I'm on everything. Your videos are amazing. All of her stuff is linked in the description. Her Instagram, I'm a huge fan. Her videos are hilarious. But also, she talks about sex education in a digestible way. So thank you for that. And if you guys want to check her out, she's linked in the description with her Instagraming YouTube. It's really fun. I love those short videos because even though I'm not able to deliver a whole lecture on Instagram or TikTok, I'm able to pull people in to be curious about sex, sexual wellness, and who they are. So to me, that's rewarding. In a playful way where it's not serious, because sometimes people talk about sex like it's something so serious and it's just normal. Yeah, like, who are you sexually? Or fingering. Have you tried it? Right? So just first question, what do you consider good sexual health? And how does mental health impact sexual functioning? Gosh, that's such a big question. It's a loaded question. And an amazing question. But it's a big question. We can have like a whole semester talking about sex and mental health. But I'm going to kind of narrow it down to a couple of things that I'm an expert in and I like talking about. When we talk about sexual health, I want you to think about it in three different aspects. First is the self. So let's think about the self. What is sexual health or sexual wellness for the self? That could be anything from physically, you're not experiencing pain. You're able to enjoy the physical aspect of sex. It could be psychological and mental, where you're not experiencing extreme anxiety. You enjoy sex. You're able to experience desire, unless you're asexual, which is totally fine. But overall, the majority of the people that you're able to enjoy desire and arousal, but also not experiencing like crippling anxiety when it comes to performance or sexual experience. But that also goes into your intra communication when it comes to sexual health. Are you talking to yourself positively or do you do a lot of negative self-talk? Exactly. When you think of one thing that people normally say when they see their own naked bodies. It's like, what's something that people normally say or maybe in, I don't know, or think they think, like, oh, I need a workout or something. Something negative is critical of themselves. People are critics of themselves and others. It is extremely common. I would say almost everybody has experienced this at some point where they see their own naked bodies and they don't feel good about it and they don't talk positively about it. So I think that's a huge part of self-sexual health because when we look at a large piece of data based on 5,000 participants in the research, we found that sexual self-esteem is the strongest predictor of long-term sexual satisfaction. So what does that mean for you? It means that you gotta love yourself first and have sexual self-worth in order to enjoy sex long-term. So that's the first aspect of sexual health. Absolutely, but it's interesting that you bring that up because a lot of people don't really combine sex with body image when in reality they're actually mutually exclusive in my opinion. Like if you're not loving yourself or your body then how would you enjoy a healthy sex life? Exactly, then you would be thinking about how you look all the time which a lot of people experience and that's okay. You can grow out of it, I grew out of it. I used to think about the way I look all the time. So that's the first aspect is the self when it comes to sexual health. The second aspect is us. So you and sexual partner or the interpersonal aspect. A good sexual health I would say is where you're able to express your desires, your needs, your likes and dislikes, your boundaries, consent. All of the interpersonal communication and interaction aspects goes into this like interpersonal bracket. To me, this is extremely important but the first part has to be there first. The second part comes much easier, comes much easier. No pun intended. I have a very naughty mind. Sometimes I catch myself saying things but the second part, the interpersonal communication part is much easier when you have the first part. We learned in research that when people have high sexual self-esteem and confidence they're able to engage in sexual communication much better. And sexual communication is a huge factor contributing to good sexual health. So that's the second aspect. Yeah, and you mentioned that your sex partner is also important in this because they need to respect your body and not put you down because that also can affect a person's body image. It's not just the way we talk about ourselves but finding someone who respects us and will not violate our boundaries. Bingo, I'm so glad you point that out because we know that when people have negative sexual experiences with sexual partners at a younger age, it tends to stay with them. Absolutely, it's like a trauma. Yeah, that's why I'm so passionate about positive sex education and teaching younger folks like sexual communication because you gotta know yourself, know your worth, know how to communicate. So that you're not engaging in these mistakes at a young age and then have it affect everybody. Exactly, right? Yeah, when you have sex with an insecure person, let's say they couldn't perform. Let's say they experience erectile dysfunction or other things. That happens. Yeah, which happens all the time. Every man has experienced erectile dysfunction at some point in their life. But let's say that happens and this person is not educated in positive sex education. Instead, use that insecurity and project negative comments on the partner that's hurtful, that's lowering their self-esteem. Now, what's gonna happen? If this person is 16 years old or 18 years old, that's gonna stay for like a solid five years or more. So I think it's so important to learn since younger age, like high school, middle school, like how to communicate in a sexual setting because we know the average age of people's first sexual experience is 17 years old. So why not teach them at 16? Exactly, and I think that we need to have more mental health professionals. In schools, just everywhere that are more accessible that specialize in sexual health because you don't see a lot of that. You see like there's mental health therapist but you don't really see that. There's not that many mental health resources available for sexual health. So we need more of that and I agree with that. So speaking on sex education, it isn't as ubiquitous as it should be and many people don't really know the science behind sex and how important it is to a healthy life. For example, a desire and sexual stimulation are the drivers for neurotransmitters which are your body's chemical messenger such as dopamine. So Dr. Tara, can you give us some of the science behind sex? What hormones does one release during sex and what are the positive physiological and psychological benefits of sex? I know that's loaded but I just need to put that out there. I love this question because then because you can't deny the benefit of sex when it comes to these scientific findings and the things that we know about our hormones and neurotransmitters. But first off, let me give a disclaimer about all these feel good hormones. This is based upon the idea that you're having good sex. Yeah, right? Not all sex are created equal, not all sex are great, not all sex is good. So when you are not having good sex, you perhaps are not receiving these benefits. Yeah. So when I talk about these hormones, I talk about when you do have good sex. So wow, I love talking about the hormones. So first off, when you have good sex or when you experience orgasm, you experience a release and a heightened level of oxytocin and oxytocin has been dubbed as like the love hormones forever since the 80s. When we teach in college, we talk about it as like the love hormones. And I think when people think of oxytocin, they think of that moment of like, oh, you're orgasming and it releases this like surge of oxytocin, which is true. But also it comes again. Oh God, it comes before that. You know, oxytocin releases when you're flirting, when you're holding hands, when you're doing all the core play. Yes, the bonding hormones. When you're kissing on the neck or playing with the nipples or, you know, all of the sexual acts count. Yeah, all of those things count. So not just penetration. When we say good sex, we mean all sex. We don't just mean penetration. There is a surge of oxytocin when you orgasm and it's not just one type of orgasm. It's any type of orgasm. Yeah. Now, what's your favorite type of orgasm? I don't know. You know what? I think I need to be more sex positive because I don't think it's a question I've ever asked myself. But what about you? What's your favorite type? Well, I mean, I like a combination orgasm. That's one of my favorites because it's a good like release. I also feel, I feel really good in my body afterwards. And I also feel very like satisfied and connected with my partner. And to me, this type of orgasm means like both clitoral and vaginal orgasm at the same time. And it's something you talk about with your partner, right? That sexual communication. You let them know, hey, I like that you did that and I enjoyed that, right? It's extremely important. We're, we can't ever just assume that one type of good sex for one person is the same as the other. We have to talk about it. And that's why- And talking about, go ahead, sorry. That's why talking about it is, I think the most important factor in a good sex life. And I think people realize talking about, you know, what you liked and all that is so validating for your partner. Like, and it just enhances the experience and they want, they're even more excited to do it again, right? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. It really feeds into a positive loop. Exactly, exactly. Which we all like. Another hormone that I want to talk about is dopamine. Oh, perfect. That's what I was going to get to. Yes. So you can eat a little chocolate cake or you can have an orgasm or you can have both. After. The dopamine or the reward system allows us to feel good and connected and pleasure, like experience the pleasure with our sexual partner. But also with ourselves. When you masturbate and you orgasm, you also experience these good, feel good hormones as well. But when it comes to partner sex and when you experience dopamine, it's not only makes you feel connected to your partner and that you feel good in the moment. It allows you to want it again. Exactly. Because again, dopamine is a part of the reward system. So when you get this, you're like, oh, I feel really good. Like I would want it again. It helps you evaluate like, oh, this is good sex. I want it again. So to me, it's very important that you talk about sex, have the kind of sex that you want. Therefore, you're more likely to regularly want sex. And how many times a week that just, that's up to you. But you're more likely to regularly want sex if you're experiencing pleasure and joy during the session. So that's the dopamine. And then of course we have serotonin, whenever you experience like dopamine, oxytocin, there's also serotonin, happy hormones. So overall, good sex is good for your mental health. Exactly. And speaking of that, like what are some tips or advice you have for someone trying to increase their sex drive and boost their libido? Ooh, that's, you know, that's a tough question. Because there's many different things and sometimes it's out of your control. For example, if you're experiencing extreme physical pain, I would highly suggest talking to a sexual medicine specialist and see how to treat it or cure it. But overall, like let's say, you know, you don't have any physical dysfunction, you tend to get stressed sometimes like a normal human being. Right? Yeah, you're like kind of busy, you have good group of friends that you don't have a specific type of like mental illness. Then I would say number one, and lots of research found this, is movement. You gotta exercise, walk around, move. Like you go on a hike, go walk the beach, go wherever you are. It doesn't have to be extreme sports. Like it can just be moving your body. Exercise is correlated with people who have more regulated libido and sexual desire. So I would say something that you can take care of is yourself. So make sure that you exercise regularly. Also eating, right? When you're eating healthier, you have a lot more capacity to feel sexual desire because I always tell people this, when you go on a date, like let's say in a relationship, you're already in a relationship, either have sex before you go or don't eat a lot because if you're gorging on huge burgers and steak and fries and three drinks, you're not gonna have the bodily capacity to have good sex afterwards. You're too full. And this happens to so many long-term couples that they enjoy food, which is fine, I love food, I enjoy food. But at the same time, if you're prioritizing your sexual connection, have sex before you go. Right? Yeah, before you go to dinner. Have sex, that's the appetizer. Have sex before you go to dinner or make sure that you eat and be aware of not getting too full. Exactly. And people don't realize like that diet is gonna impact every, I mean, we already know that a healthy diet is important but it's going to impact your sex life too. 100% impacts your mental health, impacts your sex life and every aspect of your life really. Another thing that I want to encourage people to try is sexual meditation. Oh wow, can you tell us more about that? Yes, so sexual meditation is similar to a regular meditation practice, but it focuses on sexual thoughts, feelings and sensations in your body. And you can do it by yourself, like in silence, by thinking of a sexual thought, reminiscing of like a passionate sexual interaction, touching your body and feeling the sensations in the body, like pay attention to those sensations. Or you can go to my guided, it's free, it's on YouTube, it's a guided sexual meditation and listen to my voice and just do what I say. And her YouTube channel is linked in the description. So you guys can click on that. And I was wondering what are the benefits that you've noticed from the sexual meditation? For myself, I see a huge sense of sexual confidence that comes with doing it regularly. I've done this for years now. And I'm a huge fan because I know there's research and experiments and very credible research results that I've read about sexual meditation and how positively it contributes to your sexual health, your sexual image, your confidence and your libido. So I've read in research, but I'm someone who's like, okay, I read in research, but I wanna try it first to be like the guinea pig and be the real testimonial. And I've done it for years and I'm a huge fan. It makes me feel more sexually empowered. It allows me to feel my body much more sensitive to the sensations in my body. And I also initiate sex more often. It makes me want to initiate sex more often. That's amazing. And we're gonna talk about sexual empowerment in just a moment, but first I wanna test you. I know that you're an expert in sexual communication and you've written and done extensive research on this. So can you explain to our viewers what sexual communication is specifically and how it's done effectively? Love this question. In simple terms, sexual communication is communication about sex. And we can look at it, there's two facets of this. It's the macro, which is communication about sex and the micro, which is communication during sex, before sex, after sex. So when we talk about communication about sex or the macro, we talk about, like now, this is a conversation about sex, not during sex. Sometimes I talk like this during sex as well, but this is a conversation about sex. A conversation where you and your partner talk about, hey, babe, how do you feel about our sex life right now? That's communication about sex. So that's the macro. Now, the micro is expressing your likes during sex is sexting with your partner to spice it up and initiate. It's dirty talk during sex. It's talking about how it was during after care. So all of that is micro, right? It's interactional. So that's the micro aspect. So sexual communication is macro and micro and it's best we do both. Absolutely. And I was gonna ask you, since you had just touched on this, how does one become sexually powerful? Ooh, okay. Before I answer this question, I would love like a guesstimate from your part. Like in your personal words and your opinion, how does one become sexually powerful? I would say not being afraid to generate a dialogue about these things with your partner or with anyone else and not being ashamed because there's so much shame that comes with talking about sex. Like people, they blush or they cringe and it's like, why? This is something that we, most of us do. I mean, you need it to make babies, right? To reproduce. It's not something that's so, it's not bad. So why do, so I feel like being powerful is not attaching that shame anymore. Being free to talk about it, how you want and not feeling, you know, just like you're doing something wrong. I love it. Bingo, that's like an A plus answer if you're in my class. And I asked you to answer a question. I would have loved to take in your class. Yeah, maybe next semester. You can always come to Cal State Fullerton. But I think you'll write on a money there in terms of the ability to empower ourselves and find our own sexual agency without the shame. So when I talk about becoming sexually powerful, and that's actually the title of my TED Talk a couple of years ago, I talk about my own journey of, you know, an immigrant, I'm originally from Thailand. So shut up. Oh, wow, it's amazing, Thailand. Hi, people. Yeah. I'm originally from Thailand. I grew up very conservatively. And I went to an all girls Catholic school where like, sex ed is nowhere to be found. So I internalized a lot of shame since young age. And growing up as someone who when I hit puberty, I was very sexually curious. I felt very bad about myself. It validated. Exactly. It affected the way I see myself, myself worth, who I am amongst my friends, my society, am I worthy because I have these urges and I think about sex and I'm a girl. I need to be more innocent, but I'm not. So am I a bad girl? You have to be a girl. Exactly. So all of those things are the things I was thinking about when I was like 13, you know? It's hard to overcome things like that when you're surrounded by the people and the society that tells you that sex is bad and it's taboo. So for me, becoming sexually powerful has three different aspects. And it now kind of beautifully loops back to the first question. The first is the self. Can I look inward? Can I build my own sexual self esteem? Can I feel secure about myself without thinking about sex in terms of how I am as a lover, but how I am as a sexual being? Number two is me and a partner. So me and them. And for me, it's can I voice my sexual desire, my likes and dislikes, my boundaries, right? The ability to do that is being sexually empowered. And lastly, it's shame. So lastly is me and society. Can I get rid of the shame that I get from cultural stigmas and from taboo in my society and the norms that currently exist? Can I detach from the unhealthy things of my religion, of my culture, but keep the good things and still be proud of who I am and the school I went to and the culture that I'm a part of and the religion that I'm a part of. So these are the three aspects that I think is a part of becoming sexually powerful. The self, the you and others and you and the society. Thank you so much for that. And you know, your story is really inspiring. So thank you for sharing with us. Often, I like that you brought this up because women are often villainized for talking about how much they enjoy sex or talking about it freely. It's like seen as naughty, like what you said, like a lot of culture sometimes believe that women should be like innocent about sex. No, and that's no, that's not what we're doing here. That's right. It's hard and it's hypocritical because if we think about it, society wants girls to be innocent, to not know much about sex, to not desire sex or talk about sex. But then when you become a quote unquote woman and you get married or whatever like religious beliefs you subscribe to, then when you're, when you have a partner, you have like a husband or a partner, then you're expected to become like a sex kitten. Come on, you know, be a good lover, be a generous lover, like give me a good blow job. Like how would anyone know how to do any of this without practice? Unfortunately, a lot of people think that a woman's sexuality belongs to a man and it doesn't, it belongs to us, right? We're taking it back. Everyone's sexuality belong to themselves. Exactly. You, by attaching your own sexual self-worth to how your partner feels all the time is going to be bad news. So start applying security within yourself. Exactly. And so now we're going to switch over to our audience segment where our experts answer your viewer questions. But first I wanted to talk about our Barnes and Nobles Fundraiser coming up on October 14th. The page to sign up or donate is linked in the description. Your support means so much to us and it will make a difference in the community. So please check out the event. You could also donate and you can get a book for donating. So please do that. It's linked in the description. But let's begin. So our first question is from Eli. He asked, hello, Dr. Tara. I recently took a blood test and it's showing that I have low testosterone. What are some ways I can boost my testosterone because it's negatively impacting my mental health and my sex life? Great question. A natural way is through exercise. There's no, it's no secret that there's lots of research in exercise science papers that show exercise increases testosterone. So I would look into like having a regular exercise routine but I would also think about different foods that you eat that can help increase testosterone. Ultimately, there are a lot of men that experience this and if you can't change it behaviorally, you can also see a sexual medicine specialist and get testosterone treatments. Awesome, thank you for that, Dr. Tara. And then we have another question by the name is Duny. They asked, is it true that for women having high knee socks or something that keeps their legs warmer helps them with pleasure? Heard it may have something to do with the energy of the body. Interesting question. And there's actually research. There's one paper, there's one research paper that talks about orgasms and wearing socks and it just, it's been blown up by the media. It's on like TV shows, it's on magazines. Yeah, there is one paper that talks about the correlation between people who wear socks and report having better orgasms. So I take it with a grain of salt. To me, I can have orgasms with or without socks. However, if you have experienced cold feet a lot that could be very distracting and it could contribute to like intrusive thoughts. So for me, like if you do experience cold feet I would try wearing socks, doesn't hurt. Awesome, thank you for that. And then I have a question more on the serious side. So let me see, sorry about that. Let me bring that up. Do you see it on the screen? Yeah. And so I will ask that one. I'm sorry, I'm just going up because there's a lot of people in here. Wow, so the question asks, it's by Lollipop the robot. Have you had people that experienced sex trauma? I guess they're asking if in your practice or in your experience, you've seen that? Right, so in my practice, I focus on sex coaching. So when a new client comes in that has a very obvious invisible trauma that they talk about and they want to heal from I usually ask them to go to a psychotherapist prior to sex coaching. And I have a list of people that I can recommend to that client. However, I also have had clients that had sexual traumas that have worked on that trauma with a psychotherapist prior. And then come to me for like, hey, now me and my husband want to set new sexual goals for the year. And we don't know where to start and we want to see you for it. Then I'm like, hell yeah, let's talk about that. That's awesome. And then the next question is by Gian. They ask, how would you describe a healthy self-care sexual practice to someone that's not interested on starting a relationship or looking for a partner? This is a great question. This really is a fabulous question because like I said, like sexual health doesn't have to be related to a partner. So for me, a healthy self-care sexual practice includes regular mindful masturbation. And when we talk about masturbation, I talk about three different, I feel like I always have categories but I just love categorizing things. I'm a Virgo, but there's three categories when it comes to masturbation. One is maintenance masturbation. So it's like the same way you've always masturbated. You can come in like two, three minutes like it's, you know, same toy or same like movement. And that's okay, but I wouldn't mix it up with two other ones. The second one is extended sessions. And this is where you take your time. Maybe you listen to sexual meditation. Maybe you listen to audio erotica and just feel your body and spend the time. And I would say when you say spend the time, how long, 20 minutes, like 20 plus minutes. The third type of masturbation is exploratory. And this can be like trying a new toy, trying a new hand movement, finger movement or try like watching a different type of erotica or read erotica while masturbating. So it's exploration for yourself. These are the three types of masturbation. So thank you for that, Dr. Tara. And then Jellie Beans asks, how can you learn to maintain a healthy sexual relationship after being sexually abused? First off, I'm so sorry to hear that. It happened way, way more than anyone could imagine. Whenever I see a statistic, I am so upset. I would say it is important to learn about healing from this abusive relationship or being sexually abused. And that could be self-healers. Like I know Dr. Nicole, was it Pereira or she does like these like self-healing practices where you can learn like different journal prompts and like work through that trauma to heal. But also seeing a therapist, I think seeing a therapist and talk about the, what had happened can be helpful for you. In terms of maintaining your relationship, I think communicating openly and honestly about that abuse can be really helpful. I know it's really hard, but I think it can be really helpful and it helps your partner understand you and help them help you. So sexual communication would be my answer. So there's a few questions in here that are a little interesting, but I'll just put them out there. So Dr. Tara, some Allah the warrior asks, please explain foot fetishes and what do you do if you're only attracted to feet? Nothing wrong with that. There's no shame in the foot fetish game and any fetish for that matter. When we talk about a fetish, people tend to immediately go to like, oh, do they have traumas or this or that? I have talked to so many other psychotherapists that research, sex and teach sex, like sex topics in their universities and they're like, no, that's not the right answer. It can just be something people enjoy. Like why do we have to attach it to like a specific type of trauma? Thank you for bringing that up. It's not necessarily that someone's traumatized because they have a foot fetish, thank you. That's the stigma. Exactly. Snap, snap. I love the way you talk, Michelle. I feel like we would be besties. I know we wouldn't be. But a therapist gave me an example and I really like it. It was like, it could be that the very first time you had a boner was when you like just accidentally looked down at the floor and maybe one of your teachers walk around in stilettos. Oh, wow. And you had the accidental boner and now you associate like feet and stilettos with like sexual arousal and sexual desires. Like that could be one of them. But one of many, many reasons. It's not a bad thing to have a foot fetish. And I would say, communicate with your partner upfront. I dated someone with a foot fetish and he used to like playing with my feet. But he was also a great lover. He was able to pleasure me as well without just playing with the feet. So ultimately just make sure that you're reciprocating the pleasure, that you give them pleasure too and not just using their feet as an object. Goes both ways. Yeah. Thank you for that. And then the next viewer asks, how can you heal low sex drive caused by depression? Ooh, that's a tough question because depression is associated with lower libido. But SSRIs is also associated with low libido. I'm gonna give like a more holistic and like Eastern medicine answer. There are some herbal supplements that you can look into and read the research that helps with improving sexual desire. As well as other practices like sexual meditation, sexual journaling, basically keeping sex in the loop of a day. Like every day you talk about sex or write about sex or listen about sex, it can help cause this feeling of like, oh, like it's a part of my daily repertoire. And that's a practice that I, it's like my own method that I recommend my clients. And I have seen it work with many people is keeping sex in your daily repertoire. Exactly, it's something that you have to cultivate. Yeah. And so then our last year question is, Dr. Tara, what in your opinion is the best way to build sexual attention and intimacy outside of the bedroom, such as foreplay during the day, et cetera. It's a great question. Great question, amazing question. We all need this is sex is not just in the bedroom. Sex is an all day event and it can be anytime. Don't need to feel like, oh, it only starts like 10 minutes before penetration. I love it when my partner like comes up and grab my ass and say dirty things, right? Like I think that's hot. I think that's a part of the keeping the sexual tension all day. As a sexual communication expert, one of the topics that I love talking about the most is sexting. And I talk about that a lot on my social media. So if you wanna go look on my social media or go to my website, I have a blog all about how to sext someone. And sexting is healthy? Sexting is extremely healthy considering that it's not unsolicited. Yes, exactly. No unsolicited sexting, please. It's considering the other person is your partner or someone you're dating that you have a sexual relationship with. Sexting is super healthy and can be great. Awesome. So thank you so much to our viewers for participating. You guys are the most amazing community. And so I wanted to start with one of my last questions. What are some examples of someone neglecting their sexual health and maybe some unhealthy behaviors that should be avoided? Unhealthy behaviors. Unhealthy behaviors. I think the first one for neglecting their sexual health is not talking about it. When you're not talking about it, you're dishonoring your own sexual wellbeing. And that's something that can be fixed by you initiating and learning more and trying to become someone who's able to communicate sexually. Number two, I would say over consumption of porn. We just talked about this last week about porn addiction. So thank you for bringing that up. Oh yeah. I think that is definitely an unhealthy behavior. I am not against porn just to put it out there from time to time. And there's also social scientific research that found that it could be beneficial for couples to spice up their sex life, learn a new trick or learn a new type of sexual activity or just bring like desire and arousal in general. So there, and there's also like different types of porn. So like I don't wanna lump all of it up together. I would say I'm a fan of ethical porn. Ethical porn. Yeah, I'm a fan of ethical porn. But I'm also- But I'm a teacher. Yeah, it might be sure. Ethical porn, I love ethical porn. Yeah. It's like knowing that you're not over using and abusing porn. That's the goal, right? It's like making sure that you are self-aware when it comes to consumption of porn. And I think the last thing of like an unhealthy practice is shaming others. I see this a lot, not only like people shaming me online, which like someone like me who has a PhD and teaches sexual communication in college and an award-winning researcher still gets so much of this like shaming me for what I do. I can't imagine if you're a young woman or man or whoever, but you're younger and you don't have like a certain sense of self yet, it can be so harmful. Yes. When you get shamed by others. That's what you call sex negativity. That's sex negativity. And like, does it affect me? Maybe like 5%. But I know who I am. I know the value I bring to the table. But if you're like 18, get shamed by other people about being sex positive, I think that's so, so harmful. And it makes me so angry when people do that. Exactly. Cause someone's so young and impressionable, like they take that to heart and they may never want to have sex again if they're being shamed by everyone for it. Exactly. Thank you for bringing that up. And then the last question, and this one's very important, what advice do you have for people that want to be more sexually confident like you? Oh, thank you. I would say reflecting back in my own journey, there have been a couple of things that I've been doing that helps me feel more sexually confident. Number one is sexual meditation. I'm a big believer and I think sexual meditation has helped me feel more sexually confident. Number two is education. And that can be watching this podcast, watching my sex positive podcast on any other sex positive podcast or read sex positive books, right? Like books like Emily Nagosky, come as you are. I think educating yourself about sex can become very powerful. And for me, it helped me feel more confident and more knowledge I have. And lastly is, you know, it's funny, but like when you start talking about sex, it just becomes more and more real to you and more and easier and easier for you. So sexual communication to me, sexual communication is sexual liberation. Exactly. I don't think I'm sexually liberated unless I'm able to talk about it. So start talking, it will be awkward at first. It was very awkward for me. But then after years, it's just, it becomes easy. Exactly. And thank you so much for helping so many people, inspiring so many people to become sexually empowered. Thank you for joining us again today, Dr. Tara. And thank you to our amazing viewers for joining this live stream. We had a ton of people in here, like a record number of people. So they were excited to talk about this. Again, thank you so much, Dr. Tara. And everyone have an amazing day. Bye-bye. Have an orgasmic day. Bye-bye.