 J.T. S.L. House, all! The Jell-O program, coming to you from Radio City, New York, starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with Hooray for Hollywood. It hardly seems possible, but it's true. Only 12 more shopping days for Christmas. 12 crowded days that will go by like the wind, with so little time for planning or preparing your Daily May news. Well, here's a helpful hint. Stock up on Jell-O tomorrow for with Jell-O on your pantry shelf. You can win that race with the old clock. Jell-O dissolves instantly, sets quickly, and offers you dozens of delicious desserts prepared the next no time. It tastes just grand, served perfectly plain in any of those six delicious flavors. Or you can dress it up with different canned fruits for a touch of quick and easy variety. Just be sure to get genuine Jell-O when you buy, for Jell-O brings you that delicious, extra-rich fruit flavor, a rich, full-flavored goodness that simply can't be topped. So for ease, speed, and swell things to eat, ask your grocer for Jell-O. Ladies and gentlemen, we bring you a man who came to New York in the middle of winter without an overcoat and still hasn't bought one, Jack Benny. And this is Jack Benny, the holdout talking. And Don, I wish you'd stop harping about an overcoat. I told you last week I don't need one. I know, Jack, but it's dangerous to walk the streets this kind of weather without a coat. After all, this is winter. Don, believe me, cold weather doesn't bother me. I'm just naturally rugged. I was the first fellow in Waukegan to ever get a haircut in the middle of December. I can take it. Well, that may be so, Jack, but I still think that you're not dressed warm enough. Why, Don hasn't been so cold this week as a matter of fact, it's been raining most of the time. Then why don't you buy a raincoat? Listen, Don, are you selling clothing or jello? Jello. And stick to it or I'll fatten up gray amactomy for your job. Now let's drop it. Well, I think Don's right, Jack. You look silly walking down the street dressed the way you are. Oh, I do, huh? Yeah, why, for $60, you can get a beautiful overcoat with Pat. Well, look at him now. Look at those three violinists in the front row. You think Congress had just passed a law against Boers? Don, I can't understand why Phil had a, oh, now they laugh. The reason they're laughing now, Boers is the first word they understood. You know, Don, I can't understand why Phil had to pick out an orchestra that works for Fred Allen. Now, wait a minute, Jack. Maybe they're worried about something. Maybe they're serious musicians. Serious, last Wednesday night, all Allen said was, hello, Portie, and those guys went into hysterics. Well, maybe they jumped their cue. You nearly jumped yours. Yes, Don. That's probably what happened. Now, you know, I don't mind Allen telling him when to laugh and applaud, but when he throws lighted matches around to get them to stamp their feet, that's going too far. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Applecart. What upset you now? Oh, it's that smart Alec orchestra Phil had to ring in on me. I wish you'd just ignore him, Mary. You haven't been out with any of the boys in this band, have you? Only the brass section. Oh. I like solace with derbies. Oh, good, well. Stay away from the woodwinds. But by the way, Mary, I thought you were gonna meet me the other night for dinner and go to a show afterwards. Jack, I've told you a thousand times I'm not going out with you until you buy an overcoat. Oh, you're as bad as Don. I told you I don't need an overcoat. This blue suit keeps me plenty warm. It ought to. You got your gray one under it. Oh, is that darn thing showing again? Anyway, you missed a wonderful treat. I saw that new Olson and Johnson review. Oh, they got a show here. What's the name of it? It's called Hexapoppin. Hexapoppin? Yeah. Not the night I saw it. Go away, Phil. Just say, Mary, you missed a grand evening's entertainment. Well, to tell you the truth, Jack, I went over to visit my folks in Plainfield that night. They're having trouble with the landlord again. Hey, that's been going on for years. Mary, your father's working. Why doesn't he pay the rent? Oh, he says everything belongs to the Indians anyway. Well, the least he could do is give the landlord a string of beads. The only thing I can understand, Mary, is how your family keep from being thrown out. Thrown out? My folks move so often, Mama wears a gypsy costume. Oh. Well, I guess some people are just naturally restless. Yeah, we even had to change our dog's name from Fido to Rover. Nice family. Say, Jack. What? I just got a letter from Mama that'll positively kill you. Well, it's about time. What's the Noel Coward of Plainfield got to say? Here it is. Oh, this is a riot. Never mind the buildup. Just read it. Okay. My darling daughter, Mary. Just a line to let you know how happy your visit made us and to tell you that you left a pair of gloves here on the piano. That was careless. They fit me fine, but I will send them to you immediately if that's the way you feel about it. Hmm. Anyway, it's lucky you left when you did. I think your sister, Lulu, has the mumps. As she was blowing up a balloon yesterday and when she stopped, her cheeks wouldn't go down. Oh, that's too bad. Right now, she looks like a tuba player getting ready for a high note. Say, it's a good thing you got away from there. By the way, Mary, your grandfather is at it again. He may be old, but he certainly follows the latest style. I remember the old geezer. This morning, when he came into breakfast, he was wearing his beard up. He was. Say, with his beard up over his face, he must have trouble eating. Mama's coming to that. Oh. We had chicken soup for lunch today, and you should have seen your grandfather looking for a noodle in the haystack. Old gal's cooking, are there any other bulletins? No other news, except your cousin Otto is in trouble with the police again. Now what? They caught him on a ladder the other night, and he wasn't eloping. That's right, you can't take silverware to Niagara Falls. That's all for now. Give my love to the gang and hope to see you before you leave. Your devoted mother, Gypsy Rose Livingston. Wow. P.S., it's only two weeks to Christmas, so give my love to Jack, too. Well, that's very sweet of her. What a racketeer. Now let's get on with the program. Oh, Kenny. Hey, where's Kenny? He's supposed to sing right now. I don't know. Oh, I remember. Kenny borrowed $10 from me and said he was going out to see the World's Fair. The World's Fair? That doesn't open until spring. He'll wait. Darn that kid. Well, if we can't have a song, I'll have to play a violin solo. A violin solo? Get back in your seats, man. That's what I say. Hand me a violin, Phil. Now wait a minute, Jack. Can't we talk this over? I know what I'm doing, Phil. Well, let go of me. Hey, boys, do you know at long last love? No. How about my reverie? No. Fine orcs. Hey, piano player. Yeah? Do you know when it's tulip time in Holland? I think it's in April, isn't it? Oh, never mind. They'd probably ruin it for me anyway. Well, as long as we have to do without Kenny, play something, Phil. We've got to get going here. Hold it a minute. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes? I'm awfully sorry you're not going to play a violin solo tonight. You are? Well, so am I. But who are we, the people? Get out of here. Be glad when the beaver season opens. I'd like to badge him. I'm no millionaire, but I'm not the type to care. Cause I've got old pocket full of dreams. It's my universe, even with an empty purse. Cause I've got that pocket full of dreams. I wouldn't trade the wealth on Wall Street for a road where nature tries. And to calculate, I'm worth my weight in the golden rods. Lucky, lucky me, I can live in luxury. Cause I've got that pocket full of dreams. I'm no millionaire, but I'm not the type to care. Cause I've got that pocket full of dreams. It's my universe, even with an empty purse. Cause I've got old pocket full of dreams. I wouldn't trade that wealth on Wall Street for a road where nature tries. And to calculate, I'm worth my weight in the golden rods. Yeah, man. Lucky, lucky me, I'll go on in luxury. Cause I've got old pocket full of dreams. Pocket full of dreams, played by the orchestra, with a vocal refrain by Phil Martinelli. And now? Now I know why you didn't want me to play my violin, Phil, just so you could do a number yourself, you big ham. Well, what if I did? Don't be so jealous. I'm not jealous. If I couldn't sing better than that, I wouldn't even attempt it. Me jealous. Why should I be? I got more money in the bank than you have. Haven't I, Mary? You've got more money in your socks than he has in the bank. Mary, if you're referring to that bulge above my shoe, I was getting out of the bathtub this morning, and I sprained my ankle. Well, you've got Lincoln's picture on the bandage. Mary, anyway, that's what happened. Bath tub? What were you doing in the bathtub? I was sailing a boat. What was I doing in the bathtub? What do you think I was doing? Diving for pearls? Or my laundry? That could happen. Now, wait a minute, Mary. I shouldn't even discuss it. But I don't do my own laundry. Well, someone should. All right, just keep it up, fellas. Just keep it up. Oh. When I do my Christmas shopping, I'll remember every word that was said here. Now, hold on a minute, Jack. Have I ever said anything to hurt your feelings? No, you haven't, Don. Have I ever said anything that would cause you a moment's unhappiness? No, Don, you haven't. Here it comes. Have I ever said anything except that jello is economically easy to make and comes in six delicious flavors? Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. No, Don, and I'll admire you for it. To prove my faith in you, I'm going to let you handle the show from now on. Where are you going, Jack? Well, I've still got a lot of Christmas shopping to do, and I thought I'd finish it up today. You can handle things around here, can't you, Don? Oh, sure, Jack. Go right ahead. Can I go with you, Jack? Yeah, because if I leave you here, you'll have to say something about me. All right, I'll go with you and say it. Yeah, yeah. Oh. Really? Come on, Don. I'll see you to go. We're going ahead. I'll see you later. Wait a minute. I'll take it. Hello? Hello, Mr. Bennett is Rochester. Oh, well, it's about time. We've been in town 10 days, and the first I've heard from you. Where are you? I'm up here in Harlem enjoying a little southern hospitality. Oh, well, you know, Rochester, even though we're in New York, you still have work to do. I thought this was a pleasure trip. Pleasure trip? I've had to unpack my own bags, answer the phone, and do everything myself. You expect to get paid this week, don't you? Definitely. I thought so. What have you been doing? Well, last Wednesday nights, some friends of mine threw a big banquet in my honor. Oh, did you have a good time? I don't know. It ain't over yet. It ain't over yet? Well, for heaven's sake, how long is this party going to last? Until somebody with a blue coat knocks on the door with a axe. Well, I don't mind you having a good time, Rochester, but in case things get dull there, I wish you'd drop around and press some pans for me. OK, boss. I'll be there tomorrow. Fine. Oh, incidentally, when I unpacked my bags the other day, I couldn't find my full dress suit. You couldn't? My mind. I'm not asking for sympathy, Rochester. Where is my full dress suit? You mean the one you look so good in? Stop flattering me. Rochester, where is my full dress suit? Why don't you wear your tuxedo? Now, Rochester, for the last time, where is my full dress suit? Well, I'll be dog gone. I got it on. I thought so. Of all the brazen, unmitigated nerve, how dare you put on any of my wardrobe? How dare you? Are you disappointed in me, boss? Disappointed. Now, listen to me, Rochester. Yes, sir. I want you to be at my hotel at 8 o'clock sharp tomorrow morning. Shall I come for more? Bring the suit. Goodbye. So long, boss. That's positively the last word in her play field. I've got to go out and do some shopping. Come on. Bob, it's like playing Notre Dame. Yeah, everybody's shoving and pushing. Ooh, ooh. Madam, will you please watch your umbrella? You'd better stay close to me, Mary, and don't get lost. And take your hand out of my pocket. Not my hand. Then whose is it? Well, for goodness' sake, buddy, what are you doing with your hand in my pocket? I don't know. I guess I'm an optimist. Let's get away from here, Mary. Now, let's see. Here's my Christmas list. An electric razor for Don. A necktie for Kenny. A chorus girl for Phil. And, uh, what are you going to get for me, Jack? I'm not going to tell you, Mary. It's a surprise. It's something between a Rolls-Royce and a compact. I'll bet the last will be first. Oh, I don't know about that. Remember last Christmas, I gave you that lovely bottle of perfume? Fine perfume. I put some on my handkerchief and had a barrier. No, it wasn't that bad. Incidentally, I have to buy some. I wish it helped me pick it out. OK, here's the counter, Jack. Oh, yes. Pardon me, miss. I'd like to get a bottle of perfume. Yes, sir. Now, here's something new this season that's very popular. Well, well, what an attractive bottle, isn't it, Mary? Yeah. What's the name of that, miss? It's called Springtime in the Bronx. Oh, yes, it's lovely that time of year with the bagels all in blue. But, miss, look, I'd like something a little more exotic. Something, shall we say, ou la la? Oui, oui. Well. Now, here's a perfume that's all the rage in Paris. It's called T'J'aur la mort, Voulez-vous. Well, well, T'J'aur la mort, Voulez-vous. What does that mean, Mary? Love your magic smell is everywhere. Well, it sounds much better in French. Now, how much is that, miss? $10 an ounce or $4,000 a gallon. Well, I'm afraid that's a little steep. Let's see. What else have you got? Now, here's something very nice. It sells for $3.50 a bottle. Say, that's quite a bargain. Who makes that? Hague and Hague. Oh, I'm afraid that won't do either. Oh, gosh, I don't know. Gee, miss, I don't know what kind of perfume to buy. Why don't you just run some violets through a ringer and make it yourself? Well, of all the impertinence. Come on, Mary, I've got a good mind to report her. Well, it's not her fault, Jack. She's busy. Busy? Yes, when you spend that much time with a girl, you either have to buy something or marry her. Oh, well, come on. I've got to get some neckties for Kenny. And stay close to me, Mary. You'll get lost in this crowd. Hey, Jack, there's that fellow again. Where? Ouch, buddy. Will you please keep your hand out of my pocket? I'm sorry. Sorry, you're the clumsiest pickpocket I've ever met. Well, I'm young yet. Stay away from me until you're loing something. Now, let's see. Where's the necktie counter? There's a floor walker, Jack. Ask him. Oh, yes. Pardon me, mister. Good afternoon. What can I do for you, sir? I'm looking for ties. Where can I get a good dollar necktie? I'm afraid you better ask somebody else. Why? I work here. I'm prejudiced. Nevertheless, I'd like to find the necktie department. Where is it? Neckties. Now, let's see. That wouldn't come under crockery, would it? No, it comes under chin, if I remember. Now, look, mister, I haven't got all day. Where can I buy a tie? Well, you don't have to get Huffy about it. I'm not Huffy. You big dope. Oh, go back to Hollywood and squeeze an orange. Look here, you. Hey, Jack, there's the necktie department right in back of you. Oh, that's right. Fine floor walkers, it is grace to his carnation. Fine floor walkers, it is grace to his carnation. Oh, here we are. Well, well, there's quite a selection here. Yes, sir, what can I do for you? I'd like to buy some ties. Fore and hand, bow, or railroad. Look, I want a necktie, a regular necktie. I'm glad to hear that. The one you're wearing is awful. Well, it is a little wrinkle. Now, here's a very snappy tie, mister, with an American flag on it. Oh, yes. Take it, Jack. It'll go good with your white shirt with the stars on it. Yes. It is unusual. How much is this tie with the flag on it? $62.50. $62.50? Yes, Betsy Ross made it. We're having to think, what is this, a store or a museum? I don't know. I always come in the back door. Well, that settles it. I'm getting out of this joint. Wait a minute, Jack. As long as you're here, why don't you buy an overcoat? I told you before, I don't need one. You do, too. I do not, and take your hand out of my pocket, and come in quicker. Good heavens, you're getting monotonous. Come on, Mary. I'll buy that overcoat, just so you'll keep still. Where's that silly floor walker again? There he is, right over there. Oh, yes. Say, mister, I hate to go through this again, but can you tell me where the overcoat department is? I'm not speaking to you. Well, I'm not going to make up with you, either. Come on, Mary. I'll find the overcoats myself. You better carry some of these bundles, honey. I'm loaded now. Rochester. Oh, hello, Mr. Benny. You shopping, too? Yeah, I thought you were up at Harlem at a banquet. I was, but I ran into some money with a pair of dice, so my girlfriend brought me down here to liquidate. Oh, I see. Boys, I'd like you to meet Miss Lou Seal. What is your last name, honey? Garbo. Oh, Lou Seal Garbo. How do you do? Glad to know you, Mr. Benny. Rochester's been telling me about that big oil well you two own. Oil well? What oil well? Come on, honey, let's go. Rochester. See you later, boys. Oil well? Where do I see him tomorrow? Oh, Jack, I found the overcoat department. I've got one all picked out for you. Look it, I'll pick out my own. Where is it? Come on, I'll show you. Now, Mary, while I'm buying my coat, you can run along. You don't have to stay. I wouldn't miss this for a million dollars. All right, but I don't want any remarks. Here's the salesman, isn't he cute? Oh, so that's it. How do you do, sir? How do you do? I'm Jack Benny, and I'd like to buy an overcoat. I see. Oh, Joe. Yeah? Come over here. I'm going to need help on this. OK, Mr. Peters. Now, what have you got in mind, Mr. Benny? Well, I'd like to get to you. Oh, here's a very popular model. All wool, double breasted, and wears like iron. Well, it's nice. Yeah, but I'd rather. Try it on. I'm sure you'll like it. Look, I don't care for the color. Try it on anyway. Hold him, Joe. I got him. Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. There you are, Mr. Benny. A perfect fit. A perfect fit? Absolutely. Now, do you want the sleeves lengthened or are you going to wear gloves? Now, look, Mr. I don't like this coat at all. In the first place, it's too long. Look, when I move, it drags on the floor. Now, if you walk on your toes. Well, that's about the silliest thing I've ever heard. It looks marvelous on you. Marvelous? I've been in shower curtains that fit better than this. Now, look here. I don't like this model at all. Take it off. All right. I don't like the weight, and I don't like the color. But it's only $29.50. Put it back on, fellas. Now, wait a minute, Mary. I don't want this coat at any price. Oh, you don't, huh? Well, try it on again. This coat will grow on you. Grow? I could raise pigeons in it now. Now, look, Mr. Brown. I don't want. Now, just slip it on again. But I don't like this. I got him, Mr. Peters. Hey, what's the matter with you guys anyway? Oh, like it. Look at this coat. There aren't even buttons on it. Of course not. This is the new zipper model. Look. Mary, let's get out of here. These fellas are maniacs. What are you laughing at? You look like a guy seeking out of a sack of potatoes. Well, I've just had about enough of this. I'm going home. Unzipper me. OK, here we go again. What a sore loser. Hold that. Well, no wonder it looks like a wild duck. Never get the feeling that you simply can't think of anything different for a cup or a dessert. Well, cheer up. There's always something new. And here's one good suggestion for tomorrow. It's the delicious new Jell-O Butterscotch pudding prepared with 10 creamy marshmallows cut in quarters and folded inside. Good? Ah, you bet it's good. Sap and smooth rich and mellow with a golden brown color as tempting as taffy. And it tastes luscious with true Butterscotch flavor. Then try the new Jell-O vanilla pudding. It's creamy and delicate, fresh tasting and smooth for its made with real vanilla. You'll find that it's an all family favorite and it's wholesome and nourishing. Then there's Jell-O chocolate pudding, just like old fashioned homemade pudding rich in chocolatey, made a quicker, easier, better way. For all three Jell-O puddings are delightfully simple to prepare. The quick easy directions are in every package together with some interesting recipe variations. Buy three packages at a time. Ask your grocer tomorrow for Jell-O Butterscotch, vanilla, and chocolate pudding. This is the last number of the 12th program of the new Jell-O series. And we'll be with you again next Sunday at the same time, broadcasting from Hollywood, California. And folks, I want you all to know that I was only kidding before. I really have an overcoat, haven't I, Mary? Yes, but the elbows are out. Of course, that's why I didn't wear it. Good night, folks. Peace, folks. Music included FDR Jones from Sing Out the News. This is the national broadcasting company. K-F-I.