 Welcome to Out of the Comfort Zone on OC16 Television with Think Tech Hawaii. I'm your host, RB Kelly, Body Language Boss, and I've got a really cool body language tip for you today. Now, here's the thing. I could take about 30 seconds and give you one tip, or I could take about 30 seconds and give you five. So here's what I want you to do. I want you to plot your phone, and I want you to text, sales, text the word sales to 38470, and you will get over the next five days one tip per day on how to use body language. So it hasn't been 30 seconds, but I want you to plot your phone, text the word sales to 38470 to get your free five body language tips. All right. Now onto our book of the week. All right. This is a book that was recommended to me by a friend, and I'm only part of the way through it, but I liked it so much that I wanted to share it with you. It's all about how you can build the moments that stick with you throughout all of history. So it seems like most of our biggest, most exciting, most memorable moments, they happen when we're growing up or when we're in our early 20s, like the big hallmarks, the milestones of our lives, graduation, marriage, and then after that, you don't seem to get a lot until it's retirement. And this book, The Power of Moments, helps you to find and create more of these moments that make life memorable. So whether you want this for yourself, whether you want it for your kids, making moments memorable is the spice of life, I think. So this is The Power of Moments by Chip Heath and Dan Heath. And if you have a chance, I'd recommend you check it out. Now let's get on to our guest. Now our guest is a personal friend of mine, and I'm really excited to have her here. And we're not going to shake hands because I'm a little coffee, so if you see something in my cheeks, that's my cough drop, so I don't like it. But I'd like to welcome Kylie Kumalai. Hi, Kylie. Welcome to the show. Yay. Airpipes. Airpipes. All right. Yes. Sake of hygiene. So Kylie, welcome to the show. Thank you for coming. Thank you for having me. My pleasure. Can you tell us what it is that you do? So I'm a transformational coach. And people are like, what does that mean, right? So what I do is I help unlock people's blocks, limiting beliefs, anything that's keeping them stuck from having true success in their lives. They spit it out. I take that, and we work through it. And on the other side, they have massive breakthroughs and mind shifts. And it's the most amazing experience when I can see a client go from kind of like broke and downtrodden to like victorious and triumphant. And they've overcome all these issues. It's the best feeling in the world. So I have the best job. I mean, you have a good job, but I have the best job. I love that, Kylie. And I love that you say that. Because one thing I've noticed in my life, as a body language coach, I was doing pretty good. But then I worked with a mindset coach, and I broke through my issues. And all of a sudden it was like, I was doing awesome. So some of you are being skeptical right now in the audience, thinking, oh, that doesn't work. But I can tell you, this mindset stuff, it really works. Yes. It really does. And for me, that was how I got on my own transformational journey. I hooked up with a coach, and I fell in love with the power of coaching. And I got my certifications, and I was a mental health specialist way, way back in the day when I was in the Army. And the love of psychology and just how the brain works is so fascinating to me. And I like that you mentioned the book, The Power of Momas. I haven't read it personally, but how it speaks to me is we're so caught up sometimes in the way that we are brought up. All these limiting beliefs are because of these moments that we've had growing up. Whether you're, like for me and my parents, we're divorced. That put a label on me. And then I'm a female working in an all male-dominated industry that put another label on me. So it, you know, when you have these, like you said, moments in your lives and you have these labels that you have to break through, it, you know, the power of the mind is so it can either hurt you or it can make you into something better and bigger than you ever imagined. So I love that. I love that. Now can you tell us about some of the typical limiting beliefs that you deal with with your clients? So usually the number one thing that comes up is lack of self-confidence. And I mean, I suffer from that too. I mean, we all do, right? And you teach us how to fake it before we make it, right? With the power of body language. And I love everything that you've taught me. And when, you know, when clients come to me and they're like, you know, I really, they say, this is the goal that I want to achieve. Some type of success, some type of, you know, I want to achieve X, Y or Z. And so we kind of talk about, okay, so what are some of the things that are hindering you? A lot of the things that come up is self-worth. You know, they don't have the self-worth that they are valuable. And when we dig deeper into their history, it's because someone told them that they weren't worth it. Whether it was verbally, non-verbally, but you do a lot of the non-verbal thing. But you know, as, and I'm a parent now, you know, as parents or as children, when we receive messages from our parents, it could be a condescending look or even just kind of a guffaw or something that tells us that we weren't good enough to receive the love that we needed to receive. And honestly, that's why I named my company the Oloha Unveiled Transformational Coaching. Because once the aloha or the love is unveiled within, that's when you can achieve true greatness or true, your true self will start to shine. And even as I work with my own coach and every time I go in, she's like, your eyes, your eyes are just lighting up and your face is beaming and it, it feels good to receive and it also feels really good to give that to my clients, see the, the happiness on their face and that they've overcome some things. Again, it's just why I love what I do. I love that. So Kylie, can you tell us, what made you decide to start coaching like this? Well, I started off as a health coach because I was having adrenal burnout issues. So in my regular job, I worked shift work. And so that would be two weeks of days, 12 hour shifts, and then I switch over to two weeks of nights. And I've been doing that for the last almost 20 years. So that will do a number on your body. And I didn't know what was wrong with me and my husband was like, hey, you're tired all the time. I'm like, that's just part of shift work. That's just part of what I put my body through all these years. He's like, you should get tested. OK, so they ran, I swear, the list, I think there was like 10 boxes unchecked for the things they wanted to check me for. And when it came out to was the number one thing that was wrong with me was my adrenals were burnt. I had just put my body through the wringer for too many years and I was just burned out. And my doctor, he says, usually I don't tell people to drink caffeine so that your adrenals can recover. But he said, I don't know how you're walking around right now with those numbers. So just keep doing what you're doing, wait till the meds kick in, and then we'll go from there. So it was an eye-opening experience. I had to change how I ate, how I lived. And at the crux of it was a lot of the self-worth issues I was talking about. And living with this struggle of perfectionism, thinking I had to be and do everything for everyone so that people would like me, so that my kids would like me, so that my husband would like me, so that my coworkers would like me. To be this perfect person, and during that phase of self-healing I had to really dial it back down and say no. Say no to people who were so used to me giving and putting out and doing everything for them. And it was such, it was a hard shift. And I needed assistance from my own coaches to help get me through that. And my doctors and therapists, I mean, don't knock therapy, it's really good. Advocating for it, but seriously, if you are going through something right now and whether you are depressed, or maybe just feeling a little apathetic, like you don't have the get-up-and-go that you used to, you should see someone, whether it's a medical or therapy or something, because there's physical aspects to burn out. There's mental aspects to burn out. There's all these things that I didn't know that I was doing to my body. And I had to change a lot of my thinking, the ways that I thought and I felt about myself. And if I got them here on the other side, and I could talk about it now, but going through it, it was HE double hockey sticks, it was a hole that I had to kind of dig myself out of. And that's where I brought the emotional wellness piece into the health coaching that I do. Because I do have mental health background when I was in the Army. And I realized that sometimes when you don't have the get-up-and-go, it may be physical, it may be mental, it may be emotional. And all of that contribute to us not being able to do the things that we want to do. We have all these dreams and all these goals and all these visions. But if we can't find it within ourselves to do them, then they say that the graveyard is the most expensive piece of real estate because people die with these visions and these dreams inside of them. And they could be million-dollar ideas we would never know because they didn't put themselves out there and get it done. And I think the whole world is poorer for that. And I know some of our viewers right now, you might be thinking, oh, I can't remember the last time I had energy or oh, I can't remember the last time I felt satisfied and joyful and productive about a full day's work. And some of you are thinking that's normal. Or you're looking at, oh yeah, 20 years ago I had dreams and ideas about where I wanted to go with my life, but I know better now and I'll never achieve them. No, stop it. What would you say to people who are feeling that right now? Well, all I can say is I've been there. I've been clinically depressed. I was anti-depressants for about a year and change. And without me getting the help that I needed to just give me the energy and the motivation to get me through, I shared the story with you before. I wouldn't be here today in the studio sharing my story. And through the grace of God and everything that's happened, everything just kind of lined up, where I got the help that I needed. The right people appeared at the right time. And if that's you today and you're not feeling like you, you can go on and you really need to talk to someone. My information is here. If you just call me and I'd love to talk to you because there's something inside of you that a lot of the times when we feel depressed or we feel like we can't go on, it's because we have a dream that we're born with and we're not living that dream. And so there's something inside us that died. And so that's why sometimes you feel like you're not alive. You're not experiencing the life that you want. And so you give up, but it's not the time to give up. It's actually the time when you feel this way that it's the trigger that's telling you that there is something inside of me that wants to come out. And your body knows or your consciousness knows that you're hiding something from the world. And that's the time where you need to just get to it and have someone like me or RB or someone that's close to you to just talk about it and get it out. Because we all have dreams. We were created for a purpose here on the planet. And if you don't do it, who will? I love that. Thank you, Kylie. And I actually have a personal story that agrees with everything you just said. But first, we're going to take a small break. We'll be back in a second. Stay tuned. Aloha. I'm Kili Ikeena. And I'm here every other week on Mondays at 2 o'clock PM on Think Tech Hawaii's Hawaii Together. In Hawaii Together, we talk with some of the most fascinating people in the islands about working together, working together for a better economy, government, and society. So I invite you into our conversation every other Monday at 2 PM on Think Tech Hawaii Broadcast Network. Join us for Hawaii Together. I'm Kili Ikeena. Aloha. I'm climbing all week for the day of the big game. Watching at home just doesn't feel the same. Let's just who's going to drive? It's nice to know you're going to get home alive. Plan for fun and responsibility. Choose the DG. Captain of our team, it's the DG. For every game day, assign a designated driver. Welcome back. You're still in the right place. This is Out of the Comfort Zone, and I'm your host, RB Kelly. Now when we left, Kili was telling us about how when you are not living up to your full potential and you crush down your dreams and you keep them inside, you end up feeling depressed. You feel apathetic. You can't just get up and go anymore. And I can personally attest to that because I remember the darkest days in my life and the times when I don't know what I'm doing. I can't muster the energy to leave the bed or leave the couch. Have been when I had some dream in my mind and I told myself it wasn't possible and I stopped taking steps towards it. And I just got mired. I just got stuck. And I felt so miserable. I could feel, physically feel, that I was wasting my potential. And things only started to change when I started taking steps towards filling that dream. And they were even just like baby steps, like the tiniest, tightest steps you could imagine. But even just moving in the right direction makes that fog kind of lift. And you begin to see the potential like that. You begin to see the everything come into view of what you should be doing and what the next steps are. And you feel so much better. Just want to share that with you. Yes. So Kylie, I'd like to ask you, can you tell us about some stories or some success stories that you've had with your clients, who you've worked with? So I've had a range of clients that I've worked with, some more for health issues, some for mental and emotional issues. And one of my best clients, actually, we were talking about money issues, right? So she was also an aspiring coach and she had everything. She took all the training, she had all the ducks in a row, but she just couldn't get her mind around this money piece. Like, I can't make money. I don't know why I'm not attracting the right customers. But on paper, she had everything. And we worked through a lot of... So she came to me for money coaching, but what was really under the surface was all of these feelings of self-doubt and not feeling good enough to charge people for the services that she was offering. And so we worked through a lot of the mindset issues that she had. And a lot of the time, we were just talking about things are going on in her life right at that moment, whether she was having issues with her parents or her significant other, all of those things were blocking her from seeing her potential. And so, as business owners, we have dreams. We have money goals. We have client goals and things that we wanna do in life. But when we don't address the day-to-day, everything that's kind of tying into this feeder where this channel of energy if we have nothing feeding us, we have nothing to come out. And while working with her, a lot of the times I would ask her, are they protecting you? Right, especially when she was talking about her parents and things that they're telling her about, she shouldn't or should or shouldn't be doing certain things. And we re-framed it and I got her to look at, okay, they are protecting you from some sort of danger from being an entrepreneur. And so we were able to re-frame that and so she was able to finally feel love and acceptance through the protection. And so that just kind of brightened up everything and she was able to move forward from that. And so there's this other thing that I also talk about called projecting. So another thing that they were doing by protecting her or why they were protecting her was because they were projecting their fears onto her. Like, hey, you know, and so a lot of the parent stories were tied into her stories. And I know that one for sure. My parent stories are directly tied into my ideas of success and my ideas about money, about life, about everything. And so we got to the root of the protection and projection stories that she was feeding here and it's one thing to kind of, okay, I'm just gonna block these messages, right? But if you stop something from coming in, you have to fill it back up with something else. So we had to undo the negative beliefs and then we had to fill it back in with some positive things. And getting rid of the negative parts sometimes is challenging for the client because we died deep. We go, well, no man has ever gone before, but we died deep. And I'm grateful for the clients that I've had because they're willing to go deep. They're willing to address the things that need to be addressed. Because I've had some clients who aren't willing to go there and just say it like it is. And I had a hard time getting the beliefs to shift because they weren't able to dig real deep and get to the root of things, right? If you have a yard, right? You know how tough it is to get rid of weeds and you have to dig out that root if you wanna get rid of that negative belief and getting to the root is the key. And once you're able to remove that root, right? You can plant all the nice grass that you want and you can have the thriving yard, but if you don't get rid of the root, the weeds will start popping up everywhere. Yeah, and that makes sense, yeah. So what advice would you give some of our viewers about how they can start pulling out these weeds and planting grass or planting flowers instead? So my first word of advice is, I mentioned it earlier, you know, you have to recognize the signs, right? That's number one. Recognize the signs when you're feeling down. It doesn't have to be full blown depression, but like I mentioned, like apathetic, you just don't have to get up and go that option that you used to have. That's kind of a sign that things are starting to happen. And once you recognize the signs, you know, get help. I mean, hey, if you choose me, I'd love to talk to you and love to help you, but for serious, you know, get someone to listen. And I know how it is, you know, I've been in an abusive relationship. I've called Wolf so many times and like sometimes you feel like you don't have an ear to listen anymore because you've gone down, you've gone up, you've gone down, you've gone up and you know, you find someone. I mean, I'm here, Arby's here, we're here for you. And there are people here for you that do love you, that do care about you. And so, you know, in that dark hour, just know that someone loves and cares about you. Whether they tell you or not, whether you got the wrong body language from them or not, or you know, a lot of the time, people don't say that they don't like your, but they have the body language shows that they disapprove. They might not know that they're doing that. So, you know, number one, right? Figure out what's going on with you, get in touch with yourself. And then number two, get help from somewhere. And number three, if you can't get help from the people around you, you know, reach out for professional help. What kind of professional help are we talking about? Well, so, I do have a mental health background. And so, there's a difference between mental health and therapy versus coaching. So, the biggest difference that I've seen, you know, working in both sides of the spectrum is, you know, in therapy, you kind of talk about the problems and it's like kind of a cathartic process where you just kind of talk about it and you process it. But with coaching, especially the mindset transformation of coaching that I'm talking about, you actually pull out the weed. You don't just like look at the weed and like, oh yeah, there are weeds there. No, we get, you know, we get down, we get our knee pads off, we get our hose and we get in the yard and we dig down and we take out those weeds and we plant new grass, we plant flowers. You know, whatever flowers you want. So, yeah. Does every coach work or every therapist work for every person? And how can people know if what they need is a coach or a therapist? Yeah. Okay, so I would say, you know, start with therapy or especially if you have insurance that's like the cheapest way to go, right? And you can start, so I think therapy helps to start off with because if you're not into the whole self-discovery thing, then they'll help bring those issues up to the forefront. And then sometimes if you feel kind of stalled or kind of stuck, like I've been in therapy for a long time. And until I got my mindset culture, we started pulling out the weeds and replacing those thoughts was when I was actually able to shift my energy, shift my emotions, shift everything. And yeah, so first it comes with self-awareness which is what I talked about, right? That's number one, is self-awareness. And that therapy can really, really help you dig in and get that self-awareness that you need. And when you're ready to get down and dirty and the leads, you know, a mindset coach will be like the perfect place to upgrade to. And how can you tell if a coach or a therapist is a good fit for you? Oh, right. Honest, I've tried a whole bunch, you know, and it's always about the chemistry. So for me when I'm onboarding new clients, you know, I offer free consultations. And for me, because I'm such an intuitive and empathic person, I like to feel into the other person's energy and make sure we're a good fit. You know, if, and so this is just what I do. I don't know if all the coaches do. I don't want your money. I don't want to work with you if you're not willing to work with me, you know? You won't take anybody. Someone has to be willing. You're not gonna drag them down the road. You want them to walk with you. No, I have kids for that. I love that. So Kiley, we've got about two minutes left. Is there any last minute advice or last minute story you'd like to share with our viewers? Yeah, so what I'd like to share is, you know, there's power in our words that we speak, right? And, you know, sometimes when we hear words that are said to us over a period of time, we start to believe those things. And then they become our words. They become our thoughts. And once we have, those thoughts get settled in, right? They become the weeds. And I get it. It's hard to undo something that has always been there. Like if your yard has always had weeds, you know, if it's crabgrass, it looks like real grass. You don't know, right? But I encourage you to maybe start a journal, because this is kind of where I started to, like my journey of self-discovery was journaling and all the negative issues that I have is I like to write. It's one of my things that I like to do. And, you know, write out all the things and what, you know, our friend Debbie, she calls it the write and burn. And that's awesome, right? You write everything out and then you just burn it. And it's not a technique that I use, but it's, I like to keep mine because I like to see the path that I've gone on and how far I've come. And, you know, I can see the trend is going upward and I love to see my progress. I love that too. Seeing your progress always just makes you look back and be like, wow, that far ago, like life sucked back then, but it's awesome now. Right. I'm glad we're here. Yes. All right, Kylie. I'm glad you're here too. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you so much for being my guest on the show. Thank you for having me. All right, and for viewers, make sure this week I want you to go out there, get out of your comfort zone and see what you can do to start making your dreams come true. Thank you and I'll see you later.