 I knew she wasn't right in the head when she ate a skin cancer sandwich right in front of me. We forgot to make tea. Doesn't matter. OK. Hey, everyone, look, it's episode number 31. That's right, we're on the home stretch now. We've got 10 episodes left of the season. So these next 10 are going to be so good, man. We're trying a new segment this week called Secrets. We're just going to read out lots of secrets from our fans like and we read some of them. And I was like, oh, my God, man, remember, it's crazy. Remember that we read some and it was like crazy shit, man. Look at what Michael's wearing. It looks like Barney's been raped by a massive football team. Remember that Barney character, that purple fucking dinosaur fucking cunt. Do you remember Barney? Yeah. What about the one who's a McDonald's purple dude? Oh, grimace. We forgot to talk about this the other day when we were going through TV shows. Who remembers Johnson and Friends? Oh, yeah, the fucking water bottle. The elephants. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, they're good boys. Hey, they're good boys. And I wonder what they're doing now, you know what I mean? Because that's going to be us, whatever they're doing now. That's what we'll be doing on where all the. Well, that's why we watch them because we are. Matt. Oh, yeah, the fucking truck. Yeah. And there's like pretty sure there's a fucking spring thing fucking music made. Yeah, he's like purple. He's got a blue head or something. Yeah. Oh, it's yellow. It's fucking yellow. Yeah, he's yellow in the thing, but he's got a blue head. Yep. Sorry. I attacked you then. I apologize. It's all good. Guys, it's been a very stressful period of our lives. I'll tell you why. All right. So as you all know, we make our bulk of our living from Facebook and YouTube views. And very recently, our Facebook group was deleted permanently. One hundred and fifty thousand members. That is a good effort or gone. Very engaging group. We loved it, you know, as we're funneling a lot of our cool fans. Gone. Woke up, boom, gone. Not only that, because it's connected to our Facebook page. Our Facebook page might also be getting deleted now. No joke. No shit. For no reason, flagged for terrorism. I'm not even fucking making this up. Our page was flagged for terrorism because our Facebook page got deleted. Trying to contact people of Facebook, our group. Sorry, trying to contact people of Facebook. No, no one can help. Like it's just fucking unbelievable. You can't you can't make a living. It's it's too fucking unpredictable. That is why this is exactly why we started the website, because we knew it's so fucking volatile. And so if you want to support us, please subscribe to our website. OK, universe, soon we're going to be gone. It's all going to be on an app soon. It's all going to be much, much better. So sign up to the website. That's where we're putting all of our awesome content, because we can't post the shit that we want to post to social media anymore. Because if we make it gets deleted, if we make one more slight mistake now from now for the next three months, our page will be gone forever. So we've got a backup page as well on Facebook. So go give that a follow, because if our page is gone and guess what, we're going to have to start posting to our backup Facebook page, which is like seven and a half K page likes or something. Shit like that. Do you know how hard and how long it's taken to get to that? Not only that, YouTube, like we make fucking fuck all from YouTube, because all our videos are demonetized, TikToks or I guess Instagram. We've got a restriction on Instagram, so we don't grow on Instagram anymore. No one can tell us why we have a restriction. Nothing was removed. So social media is so volatile, so fucking intense right now. It's like it's been very stressful, but we've been filming. We've got videos backed up and we're ready to start posting again this Sunday. But if you all of a sudden can't find our Facebook page anymore, it's been deleted and we're probably going to have to go back to being tennis coaches. Exactly. If you guys want lessons, all right, we'll do them for what? 40 an hour. We used to charge 70. You just start. You used to charge 100. Sometimes I charge well over 100. So tennis, if we can't fucking get our pages right, we're going back to tennis. No, we should be fine. And you know, we thought about it worst case scenario. We lose the Facebook page. We'll just promote the website with our Instagram, TikTok and YouTube still. Plus, we have this beautiful podcast that we that we just do for fun. I have acne. So if you want to support us, fucking subscribe, sign up to our website. All right, it's fucking seven dollars a month. It's like fucking 20 cents a day or some shit. Anyway, yeah, so that's been our life the last week. It's been quite a stressful little period. What else has been going on? I think we've got a few brand deals we're doing now because we're accepting them. We usually say no fuck off, but we're accepting them now because we don't get fucking any views because our reach is fucked. Because we're not making a fuck all money anymore. So yeah, we're tennis coaches. But we're now officially tennis coaches. But we're very grateful for the website subscribers. Thank you. You guys are making our lives still a possibility that we can just do this full time. OK, but if we didn't have that website, we would be so scared. I'd be sucking your fucking dick on only fans. Can't I'd be sucking your fucking dick clean up. Can't I have slobbered up, slobbered up down the fucking shaft? You fucking can't I have a bit of teeth. Imagine that sound. Do the gag sound. I press my tongue up hard against the bottom shaft of your cock. And I fucking I put I'd go in slow and then suck out fast. Oh, there's always that we can turn to. Yes, actually, if we do get it yet, we'll go porn before tennis coaches. Porn, drug dealing, tennis coaching in that order, all three at the same time. But we should be fine. Well, we're not that we're not that worried, but it's just going to be stressful. Fuck, man. It's like we've got friends that are getting demonetised for nothing. It's like it's really difficult to be an influencer at the moment. I know a lot of people are taking a real job now. But once you make make that leap and try and become a fucking influencer, it's very hard to get a fucking job down the road at a school anymore. I can't go. Yeah, imagine if we fucking applied for a job at Halsam. Matt, what would happen? They'd say, I've seen you. I know who you are. Get out and we'd be escorted out by police and security guards. You should have got even if you did have your fucking school teacher degree, you wouldn't be able to get that job anymore. No fucking way. Those kids wouldn't respect me. Oh, the parents wouldn't get the job to begin with. The parents would have a stern word. We've startled Bosley. Sorry, Bosley. You're talking with me. So yeah, that's the news. So yeah, we're stopping social media. Well, no, we're not. But we're we're we've got to try to scare him for a second. We've got to tread carefully for a little bit. All right, but yeah, we'll be fine. Don't worry about us. Worry about fucking Matt. Matt, you've had some if tell him. Matt, tell him he doesn't want to. Don't pressure him. You can just tell him parts of it. Can you see my acne from there? Yeah, I can. Fuck you. That's how stressed I am from all this. I can't you pointed at it. Now it now it's very clear to me that you've pointed out. Do you remember that I'm a teenager when we first started podcast? We were demonetized shortly after. Remember that I was looking through the podcast the other day. And there's one wedding and we made it through. So we'll make it through. We'll be fine. Yeah, but this isn't just fucking being demonetized. This is losing our page. Yeah, but we got a million people. Yeah, but we got other we'll be fine. We'll just it'll if you want to help us, please get to the university. Anyway, moving right along. That's what else because that's all we have. That's what's safe. We can do what we want and no one fucking tells us what to do or says, hey, we're demonetizing or we're taking away. If the gods of Facebook are listening by any chance. Yeah, they always are. We got a phone like I don't want them listening. Please don't please Facebook. God, just leave us alone. Just look at someone else. We're following all rules. Please just don't even look into us. Just leave us be. God, I just love to know Mark. Is it Mark? Is that his name? The fuck's the leader of Facebook's name, Mark? Yeah, so that's our fucking life at the moment. But hey, we'll bloody get through it. We've been bloody poor. We've been bloody porous, bloody dogs before. And what happened there? Oh, guys, you get to see Matt. He's in his underwear. Matt and his undies, eh? Come here, you little fucking slayer. Speaking of Matt and his undies, I saw him creeping through the bedroom windows at 3 a.m. so we could start his research. Oh, yeah. And wow, Matthew. That's some crazy shit here. Did we offend anyone this week? Not yet. Or last week? Not yet. Look, there might be some people. The week's not over yet. There's a couple of things here that are a bit touchy. You know what I mean? I don't know, let's jump straight in. On this day in 2016, Conor McGregor was found to be using elderly men as sparring partners. The 80-plus-year-old men were lured to his gym with the promise of a game of bingo. Once there, the coaches put them straight in the ring and Conor would have 30 seconds to render them unconscious with experimental moves like the no-look coward punch and the heart stopper, which is a straight kick directly to the heart. The elderly men would then be dragged from the ring and placed in a large industrial bin outside. It is believed that Conor spied with the elderly men to improve his confidence. Well, that explains his fucking attitude. Is he gonna fight again? Yeah. Matt? Fightin' soon. He's gonna fight Dustin Poirier soon, but he keeps saying he's workin' up the fight, man, he pack ya. How old is she? 15. He's like 28, I think. Wow, I'm fucking old. Oh, hang on. I think he's 30. I think he's 30. Do you reckon? Matt's gonna check. You can hear him typing, everyone. Listen. Listen closely. Yeah. Shh. Wow, way off, he's 32. 32, there you go. So he's older than us. So we've still got a few couple of years to reach that wealth if we were to compare lives or even to skills. Maybe we should just start bashing dogs. Anyway, on this day in 2008, LeBron James invested in buying and selling helicopters. Oh, he would buy old damaged helicopters and fix them and then sell them, usually to fellow athletes. His helicopter business was booming until early this year when he recently sold one to his good friend, Kobe Bryant. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but there were a few issues with it and Kobe didn't really like it or something. Who's LeBron James? That basketball dude. Never heard of him. He just won the NBA championship at the Lakers. Well, it'd be interesting to find out what happened to Kobe at the MMA Moca-Google. Because nothing on it, but LeBron James is probably the next best player since Jordan. That's crazy. Wow. We might get Kobe on here. I'll give him a call. He can come over with his helicopter. Apparently he loves flying them. Is that right, man? You, Brent? Is it? Is that great? He likes flying helicopters. He's just a passenger, usually. Okay. Interesting. I'm not sure what's going on there, but... I'm sure there's a joke hidden deep in there somewhere, isn't there? I have acne. On this day in 1987, Tony Robbins broke his snout while frolicking with other horses. They were galloping near the boundary fence when Tony stepped into a pothole. He snapped his knee and went flying face first into the fence. His snout was badly broken and needed nine steel screws in it to hold it in place. After the incident, Tony stopped playing with the other horses and thought it was time to grow up. He started his stand-up comedy career shortly after. And although his audience rarely laughs at his jokes, he still manages to sell out venues and has become very successful. His name is... Is that... Name him a comedy. Name a movie with Shallow Howl's Inn. That's Shallow Howl's Inn. Shallow Howl. Fuck, it gave it away. Jack Black. It gave it away. Tony Robbins is in Shallow Howl. I knew it. See? You fucked that up totally. You gave the answer in the question. Yeah, I'm just stressed. I've got acne. My page is almost gone. Oh, in 2015, Paris Hilton released her new perfume range called My Menstration. She developed the formula herself and even added her own actual menstruation in. Paris promoted a new perfume bought range by throwing buckets of the scent onto the audience during her DJing gigs. The bottles of perfume had to be recalled, however, when a number of people developed blood infections and three ladies even became pregnant from the perfume. My name is Matt Brown and I research these personally. Wow, fun facts. This is going from last week's episode. We were talking about Nick Carter. Oh, yeah. He's from the Backstreet Boys. He dated Paris Hilton. Nick or? Nick. And guess what? Menstration. Since we were talking about it last week, what pops up on my YouTube feed? Menstration? Aaron Carter. Check Aaron Carter out. He used to be a little kid. Yeah, and now he's grown up. He's got a face tat, dude. He's got dreads and stuff in the moment. Nah, he's got a face tat. Man, it was entertaining. His interviews are great, but fuck me. Paris Hilton is putting her own periods. If you want to feel better about yourself, watch those interviews. Anyway, I've almost lost my page. Putting her periods into the... Surely that is... It's got to be against the law. Some sort of review standard there that stops people from doing it. Apparently, Nick Carter was accused of beating Paris Hilton. Yeah, I've heard that. And apparently, Aaron talks about Nick Carter raping. They were just sparring. They were just having a spa and he fucking clipped on one, bro. Aaron goes, and I fucking fell into the rabbit hole. I watched House of Carter's, a reality TV show with all the Carter's. Fucking hell, drama. God! Oh, yeah. Is that new or old? It's like 2006, very old. Listen to this. It's on YouTube. Anyway, I've got a great life. This is the PO Box thing that we picked up today. Listen to what's inside. Sounds like, I don't know, you tell me, pills. It feels like one of those fucking... Oh, yeah? We have to go open it now or later. Wait! Let's do our prediction. Three. Oh. I know, we'll do the questions first and then we'll have a feel of this and we'll make our predictions. Yeah, you stop jumping segments. Yeah, we can't help ourselves. I'm excited. I'm excited, all right. Nick's fucking segment has been renamed. Hey, let's go, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. And there's a segment where we just answer questions that you guys have sent in on YouTube, DM'd asked questions. We're gonna, by the way, we're gonna keep the question segment a bit shorter this week. And then, so there's room for our secret segment. I wanna read out some of these secrets. It's insane, Michael. Pull these hair a bit and then deny. Fuck you! Whoa, that was good. All right, I'm gonna fucking wake up. Why are you looking at questions? Isn't it my turn? All right, fuck, yeah, fuck. I've got 10 from YouTube. Yeah, that'll do. Fuck Instagram questions this week. Sorry, everyone who sent them in. Oh, I had a guy write, The Amati Police speak German several times, but. Shit, I don't do that anymore. They live here in Australia. All right, this one is from bad Photoshopper. Bad Photoshopper. I can feel my pimples on my face. I can seriously feel them. Hey, bad Photoshopper might be able to help you. Page isn't really gone. Do humans actually feel pain? Only, oh, yeah. And as scientists of pain, you should be able to answer that. Well, yeah, you can see, that's a pretty easy question to answer. Just watch that video. There is a disease that basically fucks your nerve endings up and you cannot feel pain. We should get that, maybe. That sounds for a video. We should get that and then we can do some, the experiments, there will be no bounce the experiments we can perform, I tell him. Dimensions and forearms. Dimensions and forearms. Dimensions and forearms. Next question. This one comes from JC. Doubt it. Can humans grow? Yeah, we did this the other day, but we haven't posted yet because we don't know if Facebook's gonna delete our fucking page. So is JC reminding us? JC? Fuck! Yeah, we do an experiment called can humans grow like plants or do humans just grow like humans? So, and you know, some pretty interesting results. Tell him. Pretty interesting results, man. Pretty, tell him. Next question. This one is from Kitchen Demon. Oh, fuck off! No, it is. It sounds like some sort of kitchen appliance brand. Our page is almost gone. But it's gone. Demon. I've got acne. If you guys could have a threesome with absolutely anyone in the world, who would they be? And it doesn't matter if they've already kicked the bucket. Dead or alive, fuck. Steven. So I'm guessing you have to be your girlfriend and someone extra. Us two, together. Oh, OK. I'll do that. Surely, that's what the question means. Sorry, that is right. Yeah. Well, Steven, for you, I'm not going to say the same answer. But yeah, Steven, you could, you know, he's a stiff skeleton. You can get lots of little crevices. You can stick things in and little pockets of air everywhere and slippery bits. Lots of saliva. Yeah, lots of drool. And he's got fucking bags of shit pouring out of his constant, just leaking everywhere. So he'd be a good laugh. You could roll him in sand and see where all the moisture is. I would probably have a threesome with. Oh, are you? I don't know if you guys know, but yeah, there's this massive, massive, like I'm talking at least twice the size of your average cow up in Rockhampton. There's this monster cow. What's his name? Brahman, Brahman with heaps of A's, A-H-H-H-H-H hyphen. Is it a man or a woman? It's a big old cow. Yeah, like what breed or fucking sex is it? It's a Brahmi. Is it dairy? I'd say. What do you call them, the Brahman? Brahman. It's a play on that's name is a play on it words a kind of fucking dream that I'd sex with a cow the other night That could be a premonition. I want to go up to rock Hampton soon That would be that would be whoa That would be a feat and I reckon if we did it together we could definitely do it You would get stomped as long as we fucking didn't kill it. You would get fucking stomped hard We don't kill them. We just fuck them hard. Do they kick back when you go up behind there? It is a struggle. It is a big violent fire. Let me tell you half of it Right now, okay next question The next one is from a call of duty 23 Lopez Who I think is a regular because I've seen that If you and Marty were both wearing sumo suits who would win in a fight Well, I'm a lot heavier. Yeah, he's stronger than me. I would say probably myself but if we went for a Run in sumo suits Michael would probably bloody be very close evenly matched. Isn't that right Michael? That is correct Martin He's a fit boy. You can run long ways, which is good if you're chasing animals, you know, I found out that the Forgot what country but bloody Humans used to just catch animals hunt them by just running after them and that the animal would run away And then the human to catch up an animal run away when they tire out Then they get so fucking tired that they just the humans would just keep going and fucking they just out fit them Don't make sense. Don't you think so? Don't you think so my friend? Yeah, I'm thinking that sorry Listen to this Sounds like a door isn't yeah, isn't that right? Yeah, yeah some sort of remix here is there Continue it's more That was so fucked That was coming then. Oh you blocked my nose up usually I get an email warning first You blocked my nose and ears page is nearly gone Next one is from Lachlan wall When shami make an appearance. Yeah, he's we was meant to come on a little while ago He's fucking bendering his fist off now. So it's sort of like You know, we we want to bloody hang out them, but they're just so bloody pistol a time You know, I mean, that's like we're fucking that was soon We will get them on hopefully before the season's over maybe for the season finale say that Maybe for the season finale say that next question is from NK silver How many times has Michael gotten crabs nearly gone? What two times oh fucking what's it called jock itch that sucks Yeah, and you've had crabs in your asshole too from the one that dude fucked you with heaps of pubes I've had hemorrhoids galore thick bush pubes and then crabs dug into your skin remember Do you bleed a lot when you get your hemorrhoids? Yeah, when you shit. It's funny when we used to go traveling As the as the because we go for long periods of time And we'd be drunk the entire time and as the trip went on Michael's hemorrhoids would appear and I was like little bloody Little signs that we're having a good time. Wouldn't it? It's like a flag saying hello I'm having a great time And then they would grow and they would grow and grow on every day We'd have a good look and inspect them and then by the end of it It's like a fucking marble on his asshole bigger than a marble like a ping-pong ball. I remember you can't cough You can't sit down. It hurts too much. Oh, you get that painful. Oh, yeah, but I didn't stop I haven't had one yet. I didn't fucking stop man. You don't stop when the hemorrhoids come You stop you get used to the pain. It's like it's like having a headache. Yeah I think next question is from Sarah irons What tattoo do you regret ever getting none? I love them all dearly. I love my first as much as I love my last They're not good quality. They don't look good. We started self-harming Yeah, what did you say Michael something whispered something about self-harming I believe I'm just so down. No, no, I thought yours would be your ex-girlfriend's name We I didn't even listen to the question Repeat it and just to be clear. We are not self-harming everyone and we don't know what tattoo Do you regret ever getting pages nearly gone? Oh, I hate everything Why can't you go to do a third time I fucking can't concentrate what tattoo do you regret getting? Oh None and either one not not even the ex getting tattooed on you. Oh, yeah That was me. I put that there Yeah, I had that for years, but I got that covered up Is that worse than or was that worse than getting herpes on your ass? It's funny having that there and I've got like Perot's name there now. That's alright. That's nice Yeah, I just had to get that one covered up. Yeah, who's got HIV on I do HIV positive Anyway, but but they're fucking yeah, I love them all like everyone's a good We hope it's fucking worth it with a feet tattoos. It is of course it is I love your foot tattoos and all you got to do is put some socks on and problem is gone And not only that people see them and they think oh fuck me. They are unique. I won't lie. They are very unique Shake my hand The next next question is from Boogamon star. I doubt that What types of tea do you boys drink? Green I like my green teas and ginger glow Get on board with it Lemon grass Did you hear that? It sounded like half-frog. It sounded like the grudge. It's so fairy Next question is from Johnny Reb. Johnny, I don't get your question. I'm gonna read it out Maybe you can put a comment in and explain but he says have you ever bought a pair of gloves? Like like gloves like yeah gardening gardening gloves boxing gloves gardening gloves gloves that look good. We bought Just gloves Yeah, all sorts of different types of gloves. Isn't I want to hear Johnny Rebs story behind him buying gloves Next question is from Ben stiller and he says and this is a final question by the way What's your most censorship will take us? What's your most crazy psychedelic story? He did say skits, but Oh, man, I've been with the mechanical elves. I fucking shut up to the mother nature's little room in the universe She told me that I'm piece of shit So I've always been quite sensitive to psychedelics But I found a method at which works really well and this is probably my most loved psychedelic experience you take a Small amount half of the dose and you have to wait a little while you wait three hours Because with the first time when you're coming up you get all skittish and anxiety-filled and like it's a bit scary But to get rid of that you just have a half dose so the effects the skittish effects aren't so bad Then as soon as you start coming down a little bit you can have as much LSD and acid as you want without any of the negative effects So so that would that one time we did that and then I fucking had a bunch of it and then oh my god It was fucking magical. It was like I remember lying under the just lying on the ground looking up at the ceiling fan I could see the wind coming off the ceiling fan, and it was storming that night and man. It was like Going out of storm would be pretty cool Water if you go swimming on acid whole yeah remember the one way to mushroom like string Yeah, and we were watching the at the on the there's like a Bar that overlooks a beach and you can get mushroom shakes Then we got fucked for the first time there on psychedelics, and you the water was so fucking And then fucked out of our brains We were trying to walk home, and then we bloody ran into bloody two people that we'd met the night before and we'll just like no We don't want to fucking talk to you right now because we were so fucking fucked up Oh, yeah, you get power in a week, but if you really want to dip into the deep deep side of it Then do like not just LSD do DMT and my god That will change you forever if you do that properly if you actually do that properly that will fucking change you forever You listening that Will you ever do it or what? What what? All right guys that's the end of the fucking questions this week is it correct all right read some of these secrets It's next segment name which has been renamed to you Wish we shut all the fucking doors that it's realized and it's a segment where we just read out your secrets We don't mention names or anything your secrets are safe with us We don't even look at the names you can get your own secrets secrets from your mother secrets from friends anything We won't mention names. I promise you your secrets are safe with us send them through yeah display secret time I once shut myself in central London I was running around trying to get back to my hostel with shit all down my legs I went to a train station bathroom to try and clean it up I was literally trying to shovel my shit into the toilet didn't work So I managed to jump in a taxi and get myself back to the to my hostel thing God taxes in London's London have glass between myself and the drive because Jesus Christ. I was sitting in my own shit Man, fuck. Oh, that's that I've got way worse And I don't even make him secret. I would take the undies that are off put the shores back on like wipe your ass Yeah, I need you to take rid of the fucking undies or In case you shit again because he's got he or she has got diarrhea So in case you should just hold it like unless the only times I fuck up is when I Like, you know when you go to fart, but it's not the right idea Yuck never gets any easier looking at that I have to hear I'm the decibel reader. Yeah, we've got headphones on mate. You can bloody hear You can hear it. Oh, it's such a thick air. It's grass. It's weed grass dude Oh, yeah shit stories fucking the time of the bathroom became just a shit Storm the time that there was shit all over me and my mom found me and the time that I Couldn't hold a shit in I shat all over someone's fucking lounge room Michael's shot a lot. I remember the time we fucking tried to warm ourselves from the shit Yeah, Michael would use shit in jokes We've told this story before where there was a period of time when well friends would come over to Michael's house when he lived with his parents still and Michael would go to the bathroom and come out just holding his shit in his hand being like, oh, what do I do with this? To freak our friends out many many shit stories. I remember shit. Yeah, everyone's like wow, that's fucked Really, it's not that bad. It's just it's your poo I have a memory of a friend of ours bringing a girl back to a house and you made it and She never really met any anyone before and you walked out with the shit in your hand and went up to her I was like, hey, what do I do? Really The first part of the secret's been cut off a little bit, but I'll just read on from here I may be a step forward No, sorry, I understood what you were saying, but no Anyway in the 1970s my dad was a clothing buyer and his old and this old guy used to sell shower Ups to my dad through their companies The guy was an old European Jew and got along with my pops But my dad knows the old guy was always looking out of the corner of his eyes and weird shit My dad finally goes. Hey, how come whenever you're here your backs always against the wall and you stand in the corner The old guy knew my pops was a Jew so he trusted him He pulled him to another room and told him told my dad a bunch of shit in the 50s or 60s He was basically one of the first Israeli Massad CIA agents. Wow. He was one of the guys who went to Argentina and kidnapped Adolf Eichmann the architect of the Holocaust's final solution It was an international mega story and they just made a movie. Yeah, I asked what the movie was I really wanted to watch it. I love that shit. Holy shit. How crazy is it? I think it was a secret and a half fucking operation paper clip was like half the Nazi Scientists and fucking people who killed all the Jews got away and fucking fucked off either to America to become Scientists there or to Argentina and hid there. Did you know that? Yeah, there's a whole series called hunting Hitler, which Hitler? Yeah, there is a conspiracy that he got away like I don't know much about that But fuck, that's crazy. But I think the film he's referring to is called operation finale or final gas And it looks like Ben Kingsley plays that adult Eichmann Ben Kingsley's a legend Next secret secret for the podcast So I live in the United States. I'm a husband a father of four or former teacher and I am also a peeping Tom It's been a fun hobby of mine for years I've been caught several times and I've paid dearly each time I've been fired from the school the post office and Almost and most recently a gas station. I've been kicked out of my apartment and Now no one will rent to me because of my pervert sex charges My wife my wife hates me her family is creeped out by me, and I'm currently unemployed. I go to court next Thursday Jesus Cut that one out. Hey, why that's great shit. No, this is exactly what we want No, not cut it from this as in fucking cut that habit out Your wife hates you. I think your wife would have left you a hundred percent What if your fucking husband's this creep that like fucking looks at your sisters and shit constantly though Not just one. It's not just a one-off. He's been caught several times several times So he's not gonna stop. So if it's if it's you know, just go down swinging if it's bringing him joy Go for it. No, just don't fucking cross the line. Maybe you like people. I said touching people and shit Just look from the distance, maybe yeah, and don't fucking be naked or batten off. Just fucking just have a fucking look. Oh Wait, wait, it's probably wait. Are you watching him naked or something? Oh, that's what they look through the yeah The window is naked it like chicks getting fucking undressed and stuff. Remember. Yeah, I remember that There's a crazy little time of our lives Hmm next secret my best mate and his missus set up a blind date for me turns out It was my first cousin my cousin and I decided to play along with it Anyway, one thing led to another will smash in cocktails snort and pack it still playing along with it Anyway, yeah, the sex was really fucking good That's a joke. He's fucked his cousin to fucking for a story for the boys Yeah, the boys Quite common in other countries. Excuse me Matthew. What an assumption to make are you saying every one knows every other country except for Australia's Incessual is that what you're saying? I don't say every country. I said some That's pretty much the same these days mate. That's like saying little or big Have you know same thing Tasmania is right with incessualness. Yeah, holy shit. I really want to go there Not for that Just for the mountains. You've got a sister. You've got a sister. Have you ever when's the last time you saw your sister? Surely you boys would have seen your sisters naked before memory. I can't mad come on man You both of you a fucking pull in my leg. When's the last time you saw your fucking sisters tits both of yours? I can't remember. Honestly, I'm not okay. Well, give me a right before 10 before 10 So not as you're really having to have boobs. Yeah I don't know about that boy. When's the last time you saw your brother's Maybe a quarter glimpse when we live together in Brisbane, oh You got it adult style 10 years ago. I can't really remember either though, but yeah, probably then or um Yeah, when we're little German boys Mine Willie is that actually fucking how you say it? Yeah It reeks in here. You fucked the whole room. Excuse me. I am trying to read secrets Okay, proceed my parents thought I worked three jobs in order to buy my first home when in fact I was a prostitute for three years. Damn. I actually saw that one and she's got a Photo with a looks to be made me husband. No, that's too much. I don't know we can give that away We're revealing too much. What do you mean everyone's oh, yeah, you're right No one else has got a husband in this world. No, but it rules out a lot of people. You know me Okay, boyfriend. I don't know if they're married or not. It's just one little circle pitch Profile picture there is a male. All right, we want to make any more assumptions It's going stop putting that out there. Do you manifest that I'm gonna be so cross with you Cranky Anyway, what would we do? What do you mean? We've already talked about that. Yeah Next secret when I was 17 years old my next door neighbor wouldn't give me my football back the next day I went to see if I could sneak over and get it back But the stupid blonde labrador fuck with dog had chewed it to pieces. I felt like it was payback time I noticed she had left her son roof open on the car I grabbed her dog twisted its head off and threw it into the car. No, I'm light I made that last bit up. I noticed she had left the sunroof open to her car So I squatted and took a shit straight through the sunroof of her car I was laughing so hard midway through doing this shit. It was a disaster when I looked in the car You know how like there's that one fucking There's that one fucked family in the street when you're a kid All right, this fucking I won't say the last names brah fucking hell. It's pretty funny their last name And they all had red hair red curly hair, okay or dole. Yeah like that And me my cousin especially this is the one the one that pushed the fucking toddler over Sick puppy that boy is me. Yeah, anyway He a great in other ways though like this is hilarious I think he'd always fuck with and I'd sort of help out. We'd always fuck with this family. We just didn't I don't know It was you had no respect. Yeah, we were kids and We did yeah, like it got to a point where We like would shit on their doorstep and leave the shit there when they're away So they'd come back and they'd come back to shit on their doorstep and the same family My cousin was with them and they were going through all their video tapes trying to find a new movie to watch And they put the videotape on and the younger brothers of their family were like fucking three and six And then they put this tape on and it was their parents the red-headed family Fucking parents fucking and then they watched it. They watched their own parents fucking At like three and six years old. Wow, and he was probably like, you know, we were fucking like eight seven Then did he know that that video had that on there? No, it was just chance. That's so good I'm enjoying that and the same family. I remember I was walking We don't they don't fucking know that we didn't say the last name Well, just everyone see if anyone who listens can track that these people down And I remember one time we'll walk into our friend's place and we found this ball and we shoved it up the Exhaust pipe of the car. Hmm. Did I tell you this one time? Anyway, we walked it and we'll just say for our friends place play and PlayStation Have a fun and then our other friend was walking over to that place Went past the car and the car got turned on While he was walking past and the ball shot out and hit our friend On the way to our place So he got it was karma in our group. We put the ball up the exhaust pipe Our friend walks past us they turn we'll open the car would blow up Like we'll yeah, anyway, it didn't and then bang our friend got hit with the ball Dude, that's a fucking video. Yeah, that's a great story We could what turning cars into guns carb car cannon Wait that reminds me Carl Stepanovic DM'd us the other day You guys know Carl. Yeah the morning show guy. What do you want? Yeah, did you know this remember back back in the day we used to when we were fucking drunk and shit before we were verified on Instagram We used to just fucking Message other celebrities and shit. Oh, we've messaged a lot and and so I second of march must have been drunk or something This I sent this message to Carl. Hey, mate. Just me here. Are we still on for friday morning drinks? Bring some mints And he said he replied just last saturday for sure And then I replied saying Carl, mate, I don't even remember sending you that that was back in march Hope you're well, buddy. And he said I remember happy to have a beer any time Not only that some other fucking news messaged wim Hof Yeah, not fucking last week as well and his son got back to us and we've been penciled in When all these climbing around when all these restrictions are lifted it we we we are invited to the influencer event We go hang out with wim Hof. If you don't know who wim Hof is going YouTube him and watch that vice documentary. It's fucking insane. He's the ice man. Okay. He's pretty much the next jesus christ I love that guy Don't anyway. Yeah, we're climbing him out in our fucking undies I want to go on my undies shorts g banger I want to go on a g banger. That is the end of secrets. Keep them coming guys That was some fucking good ones. We have heaps of them. So if you sent one last week, we'll try and get through them as much as we can Okay, that's secrets time And and now look at this It's a it's the next segment which has of course been renamed Have phones fella And there's a segment where we just open shit that you guys send into our peo box and their peo box is written right here Have a look 256 Are you people listening? You can't see peo box 256 tagam 4018 queenland australia All right, now first we're gonna have a bit of a feel and see if we can guess what this is My guess is that is a small container containing Who is it? Could be uh Hey That was Fuck you looked like you were fucking possessed then Sorry about that one guys. Oh, it's thick Thick air Hey sharp eye for you. I sort of forgot what we're talking about and then but uh, what do we do? I we're guessing what this is. Yeah, it feels like a small container something where you would um Tomato it's all bruised swallow it whole. Okay What happened? Dude, did you fucking just fucking swore. Oh, I just did it hurts. Yes, dude Yeah, you're not meant to do that. I could just swallow an entire cherry tomato I could have gone stuck Can it still be something gonna go wrong? Yeah, maybe Jesus you stressed me out You're gonna shit out of Yeah, I want to see it come out whole If it does come out, I'll take a photo. No, no, can I wash it and eat it again 100% again, man Anyway, let's move on with what we're doing and that's stunt time Fuck me swallows a whole fucking you told me to yeah, I didn't think you'd fucking do it, mate Anyway, I think this is a little jar full of some sort of pills. Oh, man. It's like here. It feels like it's here in my heart That's a big fucking thing, man Your body has to break that down now Oh, what do you think it is? I think we got valiums Don't don't say that. No, I think it's a I'm out of a little pack of um of uh, what do you put in your teeth? toothpicks Fuck you. Fuck. Oh, I would hate that. I'm gonna laugh it is All right, it's a little jar. What do we have here? Oh, it's the berries We got the berries This wasn't in the po box. Was it so guys It is nature's wild berry LLC this we're gonna do a video of these apparently these make everything taste sweet Well, we're gonna put that straight to the test and mark was gonna eat a human shit Yeah, that's for our website though. We can't put that one on facebook will fucking delete us more So I think what do you do you eat this first and then drink the lemon juice? I can't see anymore. All right Well, I'll put it in your hand then if you can't see all right The berry itself is Delicious make sure you keep in your mouth for a while Oh, whoops We'll suck on Oh, fuck me. It's good. They're okay. Okay. Are they healthy? Yeah, pardon So now I'm gonna have this uh, just lemon juice. It's 99% lemon juice. Usually very sour Bottoms up Not bad I wouldn't say sweet, but definitely not bad at all. It tastes like lemonade It's like fucking lemonade. It's yummy Fucking lemonade. There we go. Just a couple of limes there too, bro Now we've got a lime here. We're gonna shove it in our fucking gobs Fuck that is good Holy shit, it tastes like a like a an apple or some orange. It's like an orange a mandarin That's how Muggle eats ass All right And that's the story this week So it works this this berry works That was fucking delicious. If you have a kid who Hates eating broccoli give them one of these and then fucking But I'm raw before dinner can't yeah, so fucking So we're gonna do a video on these we're gonna eat some really fucking disgusting shit and um And see what it does by nature's wild berry That's how you fucking shout that out. I can't find the instagram message anymore Thank you. We're gonna do a video On our university Matt Oh Hmm yum, we better not have any more though because otherwise, okay one more All right moving on to our next segment Michael's favorite. We have Time Walls beautiful. You sounded like fireworks went off and um this is acne this week For the stunt we are going to Marco gets to pick So we'll alternate mark who gets to pick a body part I get to pinch it and then I get to pick a body part and mark who gets to pinch it Someone and so forth until someone gives up the dick tip You want me to pinch the dick tip? I don't think it's half as I can I'm pinching it as hard as possible right now. It hardly hurts actually. It's not good that you can't feel your dick. Okay I don't know I paid that up. I made that up. Papers is rock. See you guys for who gets fucked first can't See is this paper. I'm gonna go paper. See is this paper rock Oh A double triple bluffed any Fucked it. All right. So what do you want to do? You want to pick the body part first or do you want to do the pinching first pinching first? Okay, my body part is the elbow Oh, that's good Hard as you can tear it. I want to dig my nails in and make him bleed. No, no, that's not a pinch That's this fucking scratch. It's a pinch. You're pinching the skin and you can't do it for fucking 10 minutes It's just one pinch and go I feel nothing I feel nothing me. I've got a fucking bleeding after that. Look Oh, yuck. Why do you bleed so easily just a bit of plight a bit of pressure to his skin Leprosy at least the berries will make the blood paste sweet. Mm-hmm All right, what body part do you want me to pinch on you cap? You can't be a little bit painful if you get it, right? Good sort of I want you to pinch, um The back of my hand Twist I'm leaning What's your body part, um, okay Do we need a referee I want I want I want I want I want The shingling bling bling bling bling bling Twisted the shingling bling bling bling bling bling bling That's my fingertip Damn it. It's genius Um I would say my lip if your fingers weren't all bloodied up. Yeah, I'm all bleeding somebody just take a back of the arm just for the fans Um I'm gonna say I'm gonna say My wrist Oh Tangling feeling my wrist tangling clinkling tangling clinkling Ah, I can't go as hard as I can too Uh, I know my body part the palm the palm the palm Oh Can you cut with one hand show me? I want you to get my Miguel all right here, bro. Miguel don't rip the hair so you have to pinch the skin you fucking freak My ear lobe Oh And that's stun time this week And Matt, how long we've been fucking gay we're clean my oh, we're getting up All right, well guess what everyone it's the next segment the next segment I find it hard to muster the energy for these names that you give these don't mean you give one to go And this is a segment where we just do a prank call Um, and have we been sent in any new prank calls? I just got sent this uh before we get into this I just got sent I'm just a notification come on another dm a secret your page is gone Stop putting that out there Someone said I steal balls of wine and someone else said I once fingered my best mate's ass in self-defense I thought I was going for the pressure point under his armpit It turned out it was his asshole How do you mess that up must be it must have been a dark room Matthew Brown Jeffrey Epstein Yeah, my name's um drae Thompson I left more um richie may be like um last week on like I think Wednesday last week And I was just wondering like is anyone had a chance to Give a look yet because when I drop it off or the manager said That he'd give me a call back in the next couple of days and it's been like seven days now and Yeah, I was just wondering like if you guys had a chance to read for it yet Or like if you need any more information on that because like I'm ready to go. I'm ready to go. You know pumped Yeah, I'm not quite sure. Um, he's not in at the moment. He he went home A bit early today. I'm knowing that we've been pretty busy. Um, so it's for the weekend Um, when you have been pretty busy, I'm not so sure whether he has had a look at it. Sorry No, that's all right. Well, I was thinking like like how about this right like I'll come in like for like for free trial Like I'll just come in right and I'll work for free Like he's don't even need to give me nothing like nothing maybe like just like I don't know like a drink or something for lunch or something But I'll come in work for free, right And if you use like what I'm what I'm doing and that then you just put me on then Because like I'm rare in a guy and I just got bloody The bloody other job I had down fucking working at bloody Woolies. They they downsizing on that So like I've got to I've got move on, you know, I've got to put food in the table and that but I'm willing to put Put in the hard yards first But I can um, I can let them know when I see them Right No, what what what I'm thinking, right? Well, like like play this and like try to be like open mind and hero I'll rock up tomorrow morning, right? And I say like I'm I'm ready to work And then I like I work for whatever however as long as you want me there I'll work and like like I'll just I'll just do whatever he's want like help out of like clean the floors and all that Whatever he's don't want to do I'll do it And like because then right the manager will be like far out like this guy's working for free whoever said Yes to this bloke coming in must be smart and follow to right and that's you that's you So that's that's you right because we're talking now if you say yeah, yeah come on in tomorrow free trial, right? You guys get extra worker, right? Plus I get the free trial. I can show the boss want to what a good what a good bloke I am What a hard worker I am so win win there the bowling alley, right the bowling alley wins Because you got extra spare set of hands there work and work on the floor And you win I'll totally understand mate Look look listen mate, what what time do you boys open in the morning? Is nine nine o'clock or something nine o'clock or something? Yeah Yeah mate, mate, I totally understand right but hear me yet, right? Do you got you got keys in that to lock up, right? Even even even if I did have keys may I wouldn't be able to no no no no no no I know I know I'm not I'm not I'm not, I wouldn't ever ask that of you, but I'm saying, right If maybe are you working tomorrow you working there tomorrow because like we might as well start again and know each other I will be, I will be in at some point tomorrow. No worries, we might as well start, we might as well start, what was your name again, mate? It's Bob. Boss? Bob. Bob, alright, Bob. Well, my name's Dray, Dray Thompson Bob, and I'm gonna rock up tomorrow. I know you can't let me in on nothing and you have to say no and you can't talk to a boss tonight, right? But I'm gonna rock up 835 on the dot. That's when the bus gets in about 827. I'll fucking walk up, that takes me at 8 minutes. I've already worked it all out, already timed it all out, already drawn it on my map. I'll get there at 834, right? Ready to work, and all buddy, when that boss rocks up, I'll have a chat to him, right? I'll have a big old chat to him, see if he's keen to have me on, and if he says yes, I'll put in my bloody hardware, put in 110%, right? But if he says no, I'll turn, I'll put my hands up, say I'll try it and I'll turn around and say, buddy, Bob's a good bloke. I'll back right off, I'll fucking back right off and I'll say, you got yourself a bloody good employee there, that Bob Foller? I'll say that. I'll put in a bloody good word for you, Bob. I'll say that you are a bloody good mate of mine and that we're bloody good mates, and I'll tell your boss that tomorrow morning, bro. How's that bloody scene for you? No worries, mate. Yeah, mate, you can come up, you can speak to him when we open. I don't know whether he'll say yes or no, but um... That's all I'm gonna need, bro. All I can say is what I have been saying to you. No, mate, that's... She's got to hurry and say yes or no. Totally get it, Bobby. Totally get it, brother. And that's all good, that's all I need, but like, I just need like a small little finger in the door or something and I'll fucking come in, I'll show you boys how hard I am, bro. And I'm gonna get in there and do my best for you, boys, and you'll see, you'll bloody see me out, lad. And I'll come in the morning and bowl on our perfect games. We're gonna get a movie later on, eh, brother? Too easy, man. No worries, I'll see you in the morning, Bobby. They're gonna think that he's gonna fucking... He's gonna tell his staff member he's co-workers he says something fucking... He's like, yeah, he's not my friend, he's not my friend. That's just fucking covering his ears all the time. Like, they'll come in and out, and then some cops will come back out. What about that little laugh that was in there? I wonder what he thinks is wrong. He was so friendly. He took that so well. I would have been like, dude, I was just gonna be honest with you, but it's not gonna... You're a piece of shit. I didn't even say that. You are a piece of shit. Do not mention my name. That was good, that worked out really well. Which it is, dude. Bob's on the job hunt. Oh, Dre? I just thought of Darren and Dre. Dre! Oh, next one should be Cain. Cain Dre. My name's Cain Dre. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best.