 Good morning my beautiful internet friends and welcome back. Please welcome Harry the cat. He is an adorable Christmas mug It is one of my absolute favorites today I wanted to share with you guys a realization I had that has kind of been blowing my mind a little bit over the past few days because I don't know if you've ever felt this way But there have been moments that have lasted way longer than I would like them to in my life sometimes though This might sound dramatic I feel like I've lost the ability to experience joy and this is especially true when I'm dealing with heavy bouts of depression But I feel like no matter what I do no matter who I see or who I talk to or you know however many things I do right I just like lose the ability to feel good things It feels like it's just been taken away right if you have ever felt that way you're not alone I'm right there with you and what I'm about to talk about is not like a completely new or novel concept But the way it was presented really changed my mind by this one particular piece So here's what I'm talking about in the world of like self-help self-improvement business development all of that Oftentimes people will talk about the power of saying no to something right like that's not a new concept I recently went to a conference put on by Rachel Hollis in Dallas, Texas Where I it was either her or another speaker named Jen Hatmaker who said that if the response to being asked to do something Isn't like hell. Yes. I'd love to do that Then it's a no speak into the idea that you should really only do things you Really feel strong emotion about you'd really love to do but then again That's not always necessarily realistic for life though I would like to move towards that and I've I've heard other people say the same thing like someone I really admire and respect Gary Vaynerchuk who's an entrepreneur and a speaker and someone I think is pretty cool He often talks about this idea of you learn to say no and learn to mean it One of my favorite TED talks of all time and I'm a big TED talk nerd and guys one day I promise you you will see me on a TED talk stage That's like that's a stepping stone of my dream. I don't know what I don't know what's after that Maybe talking to Oprah. I don't know if that'd be a cool thing too But giving a TED talk is like top of my list, but my favorite one I believe the title is the life-changing magic of not giving a sorry for the adult language a fuck and Sarah night The speaker talks about how important it is to say no if you don't want to do something My method is all about not giving a fuck using honesty and politeness step one Decide what annoys you non-essential stuff. You don't care about step two Stop giving your fucks in the form of time energy and money to those things again such a simple concept But I was listening to this podcast I was listening to Vanessa then Edwards speaking and she mentioned apathy how if we say yes to things that were apathetic about We start reinforcing this idea to ourselves that we can't really feel joy and something just clicked for me I was like I have been doing that to myself for years and here's what I mean Like if I have been invited to go do something with a group of people and I'm like, you know what they're people I care about I should want to do this. I don't actually feel anything about it. I don't actually want to do it It's not like a hell. Yeah, I want to do that. It's just like I should there's a lot of shoulds in my life I'm working to break if I go and do that thing. I might be around people who are having a great time But I'm not I don't really want to be there I just want to be home and that might make wherever I am with my mental health a little bit worse because I feel weird I feel different for like not being able to like feel the same things other people seem to be feeling I think what's interesting about this concept is I judge my interaction. I judge my mood going to things I never really wanted to go do as if I wanted to be there So if I'm not experiencing joy and like feeling uplifted and feeling like full of life I'm like, what's wrong with you? You know, I'm reinforcing this idea to myself that I can't ever really enjoy myself I can't ever really have a good time. Like I'm never really gonna be happy I'm never really gonna be okay, but I'm doing things that I never really wanted to do in the first place either I know I've said this already But I'm quite literally reinforcing this belief that I cannot enjoy life because I continue to say yes to things Not that I maybe even actively don't want to do but just that I'm kind of like To just kind of like apathetic I've been working on saying no to things in my life that I don't want to do There's a lot of social pressure and responsibility and things that we feel like we should do and I've been trying to peace those things apart in my life And actually only engage in things I want to engage in but what really hit me was so often I go along with things that I'm just fine with because other people want it or because it seems like a good idea or whatever and then Depression deepens or I feel a lot sadder or I just feel more dead because I was apathetic about it in the first place And that dissonance I think is the right word like when you when you feel like you should be feeling something But you're not feeling it and there's just like disconnect it makes things so much worse It makes me feel weird and different and broken and like ah, you know And then that that just makes the feelings I'm feeling already worse And so it's this weird spiral where I am unintentionally Continuing to tell myself and show myself see you can't ever really enjoy life You can't ever really have fun and the thing is that's like that's not true With things that I really love what making a change in my life to start telling myself I actually can enjoy life more might look like it's starting to say no to things that I'm just apathetic about Not only things I don't want to do because that's something we hear all the time We hear you know say no to things you don't want to do which is really important But maybe we should also kindly respectfully say no, I'm not interested But thanks for thinking of me to things that we just aren't really thrilled about either It's this concept that's just been really blowing my mind lately And I think this is gonna look different for everybody and for me It's important to start noticing those things because otherwise only notice is all the moments where I can't feel things all the moments where I feel Like I'm so disconnected from everybody around me all the moments where I just feel weird and wrong and like you'll never really Experience joy, you'll never really have fun or feel engaged or feel like you're here Because those those statements are not true But they start to feel it when I keep feeding myself things that reinforce those beliefs at this point You might be thinking Joe that sounds really great in theory But this is the real world and my actions have real consequences And I totally understand that and so a couple things that helped me deal with this idea and how I made actually Play it out in my real life are these first off not to say yes in the first place I find it really easy in the moment to be like yeah, yeah, that sounds great I'll totally be there and internally be like I don't I just don't want to though It's easy to do that and a good line that I heard in that speech the life-changing magic of not giving a fuck is No, I'm not gonna be able to make it But thank you so much for thinking of me that way you are running a very low risk of offending someone you are thanking them for thinking of you You're showing gratitude, but you're also saying like hey I'm not gonna be able to be there and you don't have to justify it any further than that There was a situation earlier this week right after I listened to this video where I was like I know for a fact I don't want to go do something that I had said that I would go do That I was gonna see people and be committed to and my mental health is not in a super great state right now And I knew that if I went at a minimum I'd be apathetic about it But more likely I would probably you would probably exacerbate the feelings I was already having and the depression and the darkness and so I talked to my counselor about this and I made the decision to Back out to say I again. I really appreciate you guys willing to be there but mentally I'm not in a place and I'm truly sorry for any inconvenience it causes and Absolutely saying no to things runs the risk of frustrating people or fill in the blank But I think it's important to prioritize what's actually important And if you're starting to believe that you can never really enjoy things in life If you are completely overwhelmed if you are very very stressed if it's affecting your health if you're dealing with mental health issues reality is you have to prioritize what's important and Sometimes that means that people might get frustrated though oftentimes if you're just honest with them up front That's not going to be the case which I have found out recently But it is so easy to just let that apathy win and just go along with things because we're supposed to do them or because Other people want us to or whatever and not because we actually want to be there And I think that that at least on me personally sucks me into a dark hole even deeper Especially when I'm kind of like on the edge of it anyways I am coming to terms with the reality that that's just not good for me I need to change my behavior on that and I've tried it over the past couple days And so far it's been a really positive thing. It's really freeing to start making choices for yourself So my question to you is have you ever felt this way? Have you ever found yourself telling yourself or feeling like you know what? I am just someone who isn't gonna be able to feel joy. I'm just like that's just gone for me It was ever there if so. Yeah, I've been there I get it and you're not alone But I wonder if sometimes our actions play into that if they feed it not that we want those things to be true Not that we're causing them, but that subconsciously we're sort of feeding into this belief that We can't ever have what we really want in life. Let me know if this was helpful And if it was clear I would love love love to hear your thoughts and your comments in the comment section down below And if you enjoyed this video, it would be an honor to me if you would hit subscribe a huge Thank you guys out to all my patrons over on patreon. I love the community we have there It's thriving. It's growing and I'm really grateful for it and for this YouTube community I am crazy thankful and grateful. I can't believe how close we are to a hundred thousand subscribers. That's just insane So thank you for being a part of that truly. I love you guys. I'm thinking of you and I'll see you in the next video Bye guys