 Hello, welcome back. Today I am thinking about the phrase how are you. So how many conversations do you have every day that go like this? How are you? I'm fine. How are you? I'm fine. Okay let's talk about something else now. Yeah loads of times right? And actually the answer sometimes it's I'm fine but rarely it's I'm fine. This is like this kind of weird social nicety that has just become like I don't know a necessary part of interaction and is totally so totally meaningless that how many times have you even found the conversation has gone how are you? I'm fine. How are you? I'm fine. How are you? I'm fine. How and you end up on this kind of like infinite loop because neither of you is really listening to what the other one's saying and you forget that you've already asked the question and they've already answered because it was such a meaningless interaction. These interactions are a complete waste of breath and it doesn't bother me it doesn't bother me in that it's just a kind of you know kind of a social tick that we have but what does bother me is that it could mean so much more. So I have people in my life because I'm very fortunate who ask me the question how are you and they don't accept the answer I'm fine if I'm not fine and for many of us that's really helpful and you can be the person who either answers the question honestly or who asks the question and listens for a response and both of those things are important and sometimes the two kind of come hand in hand. So to be a good kind of a good friend the friend who asks how are you and actually cares and listens for the answer which is one of the most valuable things that most of us can have in our life is a friend like that then that's about asking the question how are you only when you have the time and the inclination to actually listen to the response and to actually prompt the other person to open up a little bit more about how things are so using your open questions and saying no really though how are things you know you've been a bit quiet lately or you know I really am interested in how are how you are and yeah always here if you want a friend you know just just some of these kind of opening gambits but over time then people can get more used to the fact that oh you're asking that question and you actually mean it you actually want an answer the other thing can be about the situation in which you ask it so sometimes you know asking that how are you how are things sometimes with a gentle touch if that feels appropriate and in a situation where maybe it's a bit quieter and the person might open up if they if they want to where it's a bit calmer and they don't have like loads of other pressures on on their response the other thing we can do to prompt the other person is to be open and honest in our responses so actually yeah things have been a little bit tricky lately I mean yeah you might not have time right now but if you've got five minutes later just yeah really appreciate a listening ear and and being open and honest about that can be really helpful what we find is that we don't talk honestly about how we are very much to many people at all but when we start doing that it can feel awkward and tricky at first and I did do a video recently about how to start discussions about mental health with friends if you're not sure how to do that and I'll include like a link to that but yeah it feels awkward at first and kind of embrace the awkwardness but roll with it because what you find is after a little while you start having real conversations you start really talking and it's not going to be bad every day so some days you know the how are you I'm fine conversation will go how are you actually I'm really good I got some fantastic news this morning my my sister discovered that she's pregnant with twins or I don't know my dog's ingrown toenail operation went well and he is recovering well or I got a bit of post that made me smile I don't know it can be anything but actually sharing the good things as well as the bad can be a really really nice kind of yeah bonding experience it's not all bad news so yeah let's try please to make an effort to ask the question how are you and actually listen for and be ready for and expect an honest response whether that's good or bad because these interactions that we have every day that are so meaningless could become something so much more something which boosts us something which gives us a support when we need it and something which just helps us to better connect with those around us so yeah how are you it is a bit weird when I'm doing this just talking into a camera anyhow good luck with it I'd love to hear your kind of thoughts on it if you give it a try find out how it goes let us know if you managed to embrace the awkward and yeah leave your comments down below about that and yeah good luck if you like this give it a thumbs up and please subscribe if you would like to hear more from me in the future thanks so much for watching see you next time bye