 Come here, he said with his eyes closed. I'm just fine where I am. He opened one lid, looked at his waist and pulled at me. Defensive, but still submissive, I climbed onto him with the slightest bit of attitude and exhaled heavily. With this, he opened both of his eyes and immediately, I became aware by bulging gut and regretted this very mini tantrum, so I tried a different route. I straightened up, sucked in, pulled my shoulders back. I have a question for you. He grinned and moved my hips back and forth, but this was not the question and it certainly wasn't the answer. I put a hand in his chest, both to brace myself as he moved me between two worlds and to ask him to stop, he did. Okay, fine. What do you want to know? How beautiful I think you are? He stroked my legs with the back of his hand, I smiled and shook my head. I already knew that. Do you want to know how open I can get you? I thought about that one. All the parts of me I had shared throughout our shared time. How many secrets of mine were his common knowledge? How my privates have become his public playground? I shook my head. I know how to be open with you like I know how to breathe. Sensing an argument, he turned his face to the wall and I stared harder, determined. The question is, if you like me, if you choose me, then why do I have to chase you? And how come I can never find you? He rolled his head back towards me, expressionless. My heart sunk. He began to scream. My eyes flew open like an exorcism. I thrashed around for him and felt nothing but cool cheeks. In my peripheral, I saw the glow of my phone. I calmed it, pressed cancel on the alarm, laid back breathless and wild. Okay, now what? I held my breath and opened the home screen. But we all know how this story ends. No missed calls, no new texts. Hi there, lovers and friends. That was a fictional piece that I wrote based on hundreds of emails I get every single day. Why is it that I cannot stop thinking about that guy or girl who only sometimes wants me and rarely treats me well? Now this is a personal theory, but I believe that these some timish, on again, off again, can't really find you, but I see you right in front of me in relationships, activate the brain in the exact same way that gambling does. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders lists gambling as a medical addiction. This means that we all pretty much agree that gambling and the slot machine effect messes with the brain in its logical thought process. But why don't we issue that same kind of understanding for risky and unstable romantic relationships? Let's begin with gambling. Now when you make a bet, the nucleus accumbents, which is a part of the brain that's responsible for your drive to seek out risky and reward-filled behaviors, becomes extremely activated. Now any time that the brain is very stimulated, it gives you a rush, it gives you a feeling of a high. Ask anybody who's done cocaine before. Cocaine is a hell of a drug. Okay, so we have this rush, this high going through our brain because we're waiting for the outcome of a risky behavior that we believe will give us a reward. Now, the interior singular cortex, which is part of the brain that processes how feelings are, is the only thing that really activates in addition to that once you either win and feel satisfaction or lose and feel disappointment. And that is what's kind of important to listen to here. Scientists compared the two brains side by side, one that had just won and one that had just placed a bet, and they are pretty similar, which means the rush that your brain experiences is not from receiving the reward. It is from placing the bet in the first place, and that is the behavior that your brain becomes addicted to. Furthermore, once that big rush is complete from making that risk and we get that little dopamine spike, if we do get the reward, the brain returns to normal activity. And in this normal activity, we start seeing things what they really are and thinking logically. Perhaps during this time we really assess, was the reward actually worth the risk? And does that thing actually make us feel good? Maybe guilt comes into play, and all in all, the reward becomes the least satisfying of the experience. And for anybody who has been in this kind of relationship, this should sound familiar to you. The buildup of seeing that person, the anticipation of will they or won't they want you around is actually more satisfying than being with them. Because when you are with them and the dopamine is no longer present and you're just in logical thinking mode, you're really assessing that person and how they actually make you feel, which if you're probably being honest with yourself is shitty. And when you leave them, you get this validation that, okay, this has been enough, no more, I don't need this again, until a few days or hours pass and the brain gets that itch, that itched to gamble once again. And all of a sudden that person becomes a hero in your mind. Now gamblers make the mistake of believing it's the prize that drives them to place their bets. And lovers make the mistake of thinking it's the person and it's fate and some star crossed magical pull that is driving them towards that person rather than their own brain working against them. So what's secure? Now scientists have been dying to find the answer to that, but I think the beginning is knowing what your poison is. The next time you feel that urge to reach out to that person and to roll the dice, consider who was in the driver's seat of your desires. Is it that person and their perfection and their magical ways that's drawing you towards that risk? Or is it your own brain working against you? But here's the thing, one thing you can control and the other you can't. And there is another comparison to gambling that these relationships can draw from and I call this the slot machine effect. You've been sitting there at the back of that dirty, dark casino for hours putting in coin after coin after coin. You've been investing, perhaps it's been your body. Yes, it's been your time. Maybe even your money and more than likely one of the greatest currencies of all, your pride. And now that you've put in so much without return, you're afraid of getting up and someone else coming and sitting down and reaping the benefits of all of your emotional investment. But just remember, life is too short and full of far too much awesomeness and infinite possibilities for you to invest so much energy in something that has such a low probability and extremely high risk factor. Now, I don't claim to have all the answers, but I do know this. You're not going to find a hidden treasure in the back of a casino. Thank you guys for watching the comment section below. Let me know your experiences with high risk and low probability relationships. And how did you break free of those things to go on to healthier relationships? Also, I want to remind you guys that my custom vibrating necklaces are now yours to own. They come in solid gold mixed metal, which is rose gold and silver or in a solid silver bullet.