 Back in 2007, Nike Basketball flew me out to Los Angeles to work the first-ever Kobe Bryant Skills Academy. Nike brought in the top high school and college players from around the United States for an intense three-day mini-camp with the best player in the world, and for any of you that don't follow the NBA very closely, just know that in 2007, Kobe was the best player in the game. Now, an important fact about me is I've spent my entire life in a basketball bubble. I fell in love with the game when I was four or five years old, and I'm truly grateful that four decades later, basketball is still a major pillar in my life. So it was a true honor to work that camp, and having been in a basketball bubble, I had always heard this urban legend of how insanely intense Kobe's individual workouts were. Well, now that I was on-camp staff, I figured this was my chance. This was my shot, so at my earliest opportunity, I walked up to Kobe and asked if I could watch one of his workouts. And he was incredibly gracious, and he smiled, and he said, sure, man, no problem, I'm going tomorrow at four. And I got a little bit confused because I had just got done looking through the camp schedule, and the camp schedule clearly said that the first workout with the players was the following day at 3.30. Well, Kobe recognized the confused look on my face, and he quickly clarified that with a, that's 4 a.m. I couldn't think of a legitimate excuse on why I couldn't be somewhere at four in the morning, at least not an excuse that a guy like Kobe Bryant's going to accept, so I pretty much committed myself to being there, and I figured if I was going to be there anyway, I may as well take the opportunity to impress Kobe, to show him how serious of a trainer I was. So I came up with the plan to beat him to the gym. So I set my alarm for 3 a.m. The alarm goes off, I jump up, I get myself together, I hop in a taxi, and I head to the gym. Now, when I get to the gym, it's 3.30 in the morning, so it's pitch black outside. And yet the moment I step out of the taxi, I can see the gym lights already on. From the parking lot, I can faintly hear a ball bouncing and sneakers squeaking. I walk in the side door, Kobe's already in a full sweat. See, he was going through an intense warm-up before his actual workout with his trainer started at 4. Now, out of professional courtesy, I didn't say anything to him, and I didn't say anything to his trainer. I just sat down to watch. And for the first 45 minutes, I was shocked. For the first 45 minutes, I watched the best player in the world do the most basic footwork in offensive moves. Kobe was doing stuff that I had routinely taught to middle school age players. Now, don't get it twisted, this is Kobe Bryant. So he was doing everything at an unparalleled level of intensity. And he was doing everything with surgical precision. But the actual drills he was doing were incredibly basic. Now, the whole workout lasted a couple hours. And once again, when it was over, I didn't say anything to him. I didn't say anything to his trainer. I just quietly left. But my curiosity kept eating away at me. And I had to know. So later that day at camp, I went up to him again and said, Kobe, I don't understand. You're the best player in the world. Why are you doing such basic drills? And once again, he was incredibly gracious. And he flashed that million-dollar smile. But he said with all seriousness, why do you think I'm the best player in the world? Because I never get bored with the basics. I never get bored with the basics. Kobe Bryant, the best player on the planet and someone that has truly mastered his craft, said his secret is that he never gets bored with the basics. That taught me a powerful and pivotal and life-changing lesson that morning. And that's just because something's basic. That doesn't mean that it's easy. Those are not synonyms. And yet a lot of people use those words interchangeably. Just because something's basic, it doesn't mean that it's easy. If it was easy, everyone else would be doing it. And as you all know, we live in a world that often tells us it's okay to skip steps. That tells us it's okay to circumvent the process. That all but encourages us to keep chasing what's hot and what's flashy, what's new and what's sexy and just ignore what's basic. But that'd be a big mistake. Because the basics work. They always have, and they always will. And the very first step to improving performance in any area of your life. It doesn't matter if it's personal or professional. It doesn't matter if it's for you as an individual or organizationally, the very first step is to admit that the basics work. But it's also having the humility to acknowledge that implementing the basics every single day is never ever going to be easy. Now I'm delighted to be with you all this morning and I'm going to share with you some basic concepts. I'm going to share with you the actual fundamentals of what it takes to improve your leadership and improve your organizational culture. And I'm going to tell you things that I promise you you've heard before. I'm going to tell you things I promise you you know intellectually and intuitively. But I'm going to challenge you not to sit there thinking, I already know this stuff. But rather, I want to encourage you to ask yourself how well do I actually do this stuff? Because there's always going to be a gap between knowing and doing. That's what's called a performance gap. It's the gap between what we know we're supposed to do and what we actually do. And if you want to be the leader that you're capable of if you want to have as much influence and impact and significance as possible then you have to work to start to close those gaps. And that's my job today. I'm going to give you some concepts and some tools but I'm going to give you some practical and actionable strategies that you can implement immediately to raise your game and to raise your team's game. I've been very fortunate that I've had an opportunity to work with some of the best basketball players to ever play the game and help them raise their game and I'm going to do the exact same thing with you all. And I'm going to do that by sharing with you things like the three most important relationships when it comes to business. I'm going to share with you three coaching mantras that I learned as a very young coach that directly apply to business leadership. And I'm going to absolutely give you the three pillars to creating an unbeatable team and a winning culture. And then I'm going to tie everything back together and put a big pink bow tie on it by showing you how important it is to live in the present moment. To live present. In fact, that is the key to you being as influential and impactful as you're capable of is always being in the present moment and I'll help you unpack that. So let's look at relationships. I know we have a wide variety of different businesses here in the room. But you have to understand when it comes to any business you are in the relationship business. It doesn't matter if you sell a product or a service it doesn't matter if you're a small business or a large business, you are in the relationship business. Relationships will always be the lifeblood of what you do and we have to keep that in perspective. Now there's three relationships in particular that will determine your success. I'll tell them to you now and then we'll unpack each of them. The first which is most often overlooked is the relationship you have with yourself. The second is the relationship you have with those on your team your colleagues and your coworkers and the third is the relationship you have with those you serve. Your clients, your customers your members, your patients those that you serve. If you can make sure that with intention focus and purpose you are always conscious of the those that you serve those on your team but never ever forgetting about serving yourself first then you'll create a foundation to which the rest of the house is built. So let's first look at the relationship you have with yourself. Are you self-aware? Are you self-disciplined? When you make a mistake which isn't inevitable because we're human beings and we're fallible do you have some self-acceptance and are you able to move on to the next play? But more importantly when we talk about the relationship we have with ourself are you doing everything in your power to make time? Keyword is make time because you'll never find time. Do you make time to fill your bucket and recharge your battery mentally physically, emotionally spiritually if appropriate are you making the time to do the things that you know you're supposed to do in order to be your best self and perform at your highest level? You owe it to those that you serve to do that. Now I'm going to throw something at you that may sound very counter-intuitive if you let your bucket get empty if you let your battery die down and you're not constantly feeding yourself if you're not constantly working to become the best version of yourself that's actually an act of selfishness because now you're not able to lead those on your team and serve those that you serve to the best of your ability see all of these people are counting on you to be the best version of yourself that's what they need from you for those of you that are married it's the same thing in your personal lives your spouses and your children need you to be the best version of yourself so this is when we really have to connect the knowing and doing because I know you all know what you should be doing every day to become your best self but here's where you have to look in the mirror and ask yourself are you actually doing those things and I want to encourage you and empower you and inspire you to do them because the rest of us are counting on you to do them so never ever forget about the relationship you have with yourself and I've seen that happen all the time see you all are servant leaders which means you spend all of your time trying to pour into others focused on others and I love that I have so much respect and admiration for that but I need to make sure you understand that you can only do that to your greatest degree if you take care of yourself first if you spend so much time serving others that you let yourself decline then you're not as good as you're capable of so let's never ever forget that first building block is the relationship we have with our self now the next is the relationship we have with our team those on our side, those wearing our jerseys those are our colleagues and our co-workers and I'd ask you are you the type of teammate that you'd want to play with if I asked right now and I do half day workshops full day trainings where I can get a lot more depth into these concepts today my goal is simply to plant some seeds but then you guys will have to be the ones to add the sunshine and the water to make them grow but I just want to plant some seeds and I want to make sure that you know that if I asked you right now to start shouting out a list of the characteristics of the best teammates that you've ever had you guys would come up with some great stuff you'd be shouting out some stuff and I'd be writing it on a white board with a list of maybe 20 to 30 characteristics and then the next thing I'd say is you need to do this list if this is what you expect your teammates to do then you have to do it you have to model the behavior that you want to see in everyone else so if you expect teammates to be respectful, to be prompt to have a high level of accountability then you have to do those things we always have to look inside first before we project anything outside so you have to ask yourself as a teammate, are you making a conscious effort to serve those on your team are you empowering them are you doing everything you can to add value to their life are you doing everything you can to minimize friction and take things off of their plate that would make their work easier are you the type of teammate that you want to play with so that's our second relationship and then our third is usually the most obvious when we're talking business are your clients and your customers it's the people that you serve and I ask you are you listening to them or are you simply making assumptions are you making assumptions on what they want or are you actually asking them what they want and then are you going above and beyond to deliver do you look at your customers and clients is nothing more than a series of dollar signs or do you actually look at them as human beings see if you're in business you're in business technically for one reason and one reason only it's to solve a problem that's what business is it's the ability to solve a problem is to fill a need that someone else has and those people will pay you for that but we have to make sure that we're constantly recalibrating and asking are we hitting the mark are we actually solving this problem are we anticipating other problems that you may have are we really resting on the fact that we've been successful for many many years you need to continually innovate and continually ask questions if you want to stay in the forefront and we know how competitive the business landscape is which means if you're not asking questions and you're not treating them as human beings someone else will and will take them from you so we have to make sure that we're always coming from a place of service we have to care caring matters caring matters a lot it's hard to put a numerical value on the care factor but you know it and you feel it you've all done business with a company and you think to yourself they care about me they value me they're not just in it for the money they actually want to see me happier and more successful so we need to make sure that we're doing that with the clients and the customers that we serve so we have the relationship with those we serve we have the relationship with those on our team but we're never ever going to forget about the relationship we have with ourselves because it's the one that sets the foundation for the other two this name may not mean a lot to you all but Jay Billis is kind of the face of college basketball in the United States and Jay Billis works for ESPN and he has been a personal friend and mentor of mine for over a decade Jay was kind enough to write the forward to my book and on ESPN Game Day part of Jay's responsibility before he calls the game he has to watch both teams practice the day before the game so during the next day he has plenty of stuff to talk about on air because when you're on air in front of the bright lights and the cameras they can't afford any dead time you have to have something to say at all times so he needs to know everything about their team about their personnel about their strategy well back in 2010 in early December we met Duke vs. Butler and the reason this game was so highly anticipated were those were the two teams that met 8 months previously in the national championship game where Duke narrowly escaped with a very close win and it's very rare in college basketball in the US that the two teams that meet on the biggest stage meet 8 months later in an early season game so there was a lot of hype around this game well Jay is actually a Duke alum so he went to watch Duke practice first and he goes over to watch Duke and Duke is led by the winningest coach in the history of college basketball Coach Kay one of the best to ever do it and he hears Coach Kay talking to his team and he says guys we're going to win tomorrow because we have a distinct advantage we are bigger, stronger and more powerful than they are we are going to beat Butler tomorrow because we clearly have the advantage we are bigger, we are stronger and we're more powerful we're going to pound the ball down low and get easy shots around the basket we're going to out rebound them and we're going to challenge all of their shots guys we're going to win tomorrow because we have the advantage we are bigger, stronger and more powerful and Jay left that practice and was thinking this could be a bloodbath tomorrow one of the best coaches to ever blow a whistle just clearly told his team we have the advantage but he needs to do his due diligence so he goes over to watch the Butler practice who at the time was led by Brad Stevens Brad Stevens is now the head coach of the Boston Celtics and he is an absolute basketball savant one of the best young coaches that I've ever met and Coach Stevens is talking to the Butler team and said guys we're going to win tomorrow because we have the distinct advantage we are smaller, quicker and faster than they are we are going to win tomorrow we have the clear advantage we are smaller, quicker and faster their big guys won't be able to keep up with us we'll get easy points in transition we'll be able to put on a smothering full court press and there's no way those big guys can get out and challenge our corner threes don't worry guys we're going to win tomorrow because we have the clear advantage and Jay left that practice and was thinking I got no idea who's going to win this game both of these brilliant coaches have the self-awareness the team awareness to know what it is that gives them a distinct advantage to know what it is that makes them unique and gives them a competitive edge and to know what they need to do in order to be successful and here's the cool part they both were 100% right and I tell you that for a couple of reasons one, I certainly want to make sure that you're internally looking at your businesses and you're constantly recalibrating and having the awareness to know what gives you the competitive advantage what is it that separates you what is it that makes you unique but I also want to encourage you to make those three relationships that I just told you I want you to make those your competitive advantage because one thing I can promise you excuse me there's a lot of things in business that people can copy they can copy floor plans they can copy layouts they can copy color schemes they can copy pricing they can copy your org chart there's one thing I promise you they cannot copy that's you all they can't copy you they can't copy the relationships that you create and they definitely cannot copy your culture those things cannot be replicated so any investments you make into improving those relationships those three that I talked about because it's something that will extend your lead and be a competitive advantage because people cannot copy you the relationships you forge and the culture that you create it's one of the best investments that you can make as a young coach I was very very fortunate to be mentored by some of the best coaches in the game and at a very young age they taught me three coaching mantras that have served me well over the last couple of decades they've served me well in basketball they've served me well in business and for those of you that have children they've served me really really well as a father of three I have nine year old twin sons and a seven year old daughter and the three that coaching mantras or leadership mantras I'm going to share with you they make up the foundation of my parenting philosophy like I did last time I'll give them to you and then we can unpack them and as you'll see over the course of my talk this morning I like to teach in threes that threes are sticky if you're going to share something with somebody you want them to remember it and more importantly then remember it you want them to actually do it so let's make sure that we keep things as basic and as fundamental as possible so when you're working with someone if you've got a list of 27 things you need them to do better try to just focus on the first three let them chew on those for a little while and then you'll be able to expand that list the first coaching mantra leadership 101 is the mindset it's not about me it's about you you should be able to say that to every single person in your organization when you're in a position of leadership it's not about me it's about you you should be able to say that to your spouse you should be able to say that to your children you should be able to say that to anyone that you want to have a heavy influence over now this is not thinking less of yourself it's definitely not going back or contradicting how important it is to fill your bucket first this is coming from a true place of being a servant and showing others that in this case what's most important to you is what's most important to me by default for those of you that were in Jareen's session yesterday and Saul Jones speak I had the privilege of having lunch with them and they're talking all about emotional intelligence and they're talking about these different ways to establish connection I mean two phenomenal resources and I took tons of notes but that's kind of where this comes from see we know as human beings that we all have different personality styles different learning styles we all feel loved differently we feel appreciation differently we're all different but when you're coming from a place of leadership it doesn't matter what my preference is I need to play in your sandbox I need to do what's your preference there's two types of children in this world there's those that can take an aspirin pill and there's those that need it smashed up an applesauce in order to take it it doesn't matter which one you are you're still going to get the aspirin so my goal as a leader is to figure out how do you like your aspirin can you take it straight or do you need it with some applesauce and for clarity I was an applesauce kid I couldn't swallow a darn pill to save my life as embarrassing as that is but it didn't matter it doesn't matter how I like my aspirin as a leader all that matters is how you like it and I'm going to deliver it in a way that's most meaningful for you so it is the mindset of it's not about me it's about you and if you start to live that mindset you'll see that it actually takes the friction away from leadership people want you to lead they will be attracted to you one of the hardest parts in business is attracting great people we want to make sure that the resumes that come across your plate are the best people well you know how you attract great people you become a great person and I don't mean from a status a place of status this is not about an accolade this is about being the type of person that other people want to follow and you'll become that person if you're always thinking it's not about me it's about you now the second the second is the mindset that you have to connect first and then you coach second or lead second or parent second you fill in the blank but you have to establish the connection first if you get those two things backwards it's not sustainable if you try to hold people to an incredibly high level of accountability before you've established any trust or buy in or believe in or connection it's going to be very short lived and once again both of those sessions yesterday with Doreen and with Joan and I wish you all could I wish we would have recorded the lunch that we had because they were dropping some serious wisdom it all comes down to making connection if you can establish a connection first where your folks trust you they care about you they respect you they believe in you and they are buying into what it is that you're selling it makes the leading part so much easier so don't pound your head against the wall trying to get people to do something until you've created that connection and the key to being able to create a connection is improving emotional intelligence by show of hands how many of you were in Doreen's session yesterday yeah was phenomenal absolutely phenomenal when we talk about the knowing verse doing all of the notes that you took during her session please don't go home and just file those away like most people do at the end of a conference go home and study those things go home and put those things into practice because emotional intelligence is arguably the most important skill set required for establishing human connection and when you can create that connection your folks will do whatever you want them to do and they'll want to do it at such a high level because they care about you and they want to impress you so we always connect first and then we coach second and then the third and really absolutely is the foundation of my parenting philosophy there's only two options in leadership you accept it or you correct it that's it you either accept the behavior that goes on or you correct it and you fix it for those of you that are taking notes write this down circle it highlight it underline it complaining is not a third option it's the easiest default and it's the one that everybody leans towards but complaining is not an option any behavior that goes on any attitude any action anything that someone does in your organization either is something you accept as part of the culture we're trying to create or it's something we're going to correct now the magic behind the correction comes back to emotional intelligence if Joan is exhibiting a behavior that's not in alignment with our company values and our culture I have to find the best way to communicate that to her so that she won't be defensive so that she'll want to get on board and that's where emotional intelligence comes in Christine talked about that feedback frame yesterday I thought that was absolutely brilliant I'm going to make sure that I incorporate more of that into what I do so if I see some behavior that I like I'm going to praise it and I'm going to praise it often because that which gets praised gets repeated and if I see some behavior that I don't like it's causing some friction then I need to figure out what is the best way that I can get this across to this person so that they'll want to change their behavior complaining won't do it making excuses won't do it blaming others won't do it if you want to leave this conference and just feel lighter and happier excuse me get rid of blaming, complaining and making excuses those three things will never ever serve you in any type of positive way now we are human beings so there are going to be times where even the best of us complain a little bit thank you great teammate right there where you complain a little bit or you might even have a legitimate excuse or it might be in your mind completely understandable to blame someone else it doesn't make it right and it doesn't mean it's going to help there are a lot of things in this world that are understandable it doesn't mean that they're acceptable and as a leader you have to hold yourself to the highest level of accountability so no blaming no complaining and no making excuses we will accept it or we will correct it that is it and we will make sure that we establish a connection first before we even attempt to lead or to coach or to parent anyone else and we'll wake up every single morning take a deep breath be thankful for the day in front of us and say to ourselves it's not about me it's about you and if you do those three things now we're really starting to build this house on a very strong foundation I have had the great privilege of working with a lot of different NBA players and one of the things that makes my journey unique is I've worked with a handful of players when they were in high school so I had a chance to meet him when he was really really young and it's so great to see the young man and the player that he's become but my all time favorite player is Steve Nash Steve Nash is Canadian board and played in the NBA for a dozen years and back in the early 2000s I want to set the table for those of you that don't follow the NBA back in the early 2000s Steve Nash won back to back MVP titles that's very rare in the NBA there are some Hall of Fame level players that haven't won one MVP much less two so that puts him kind of on a very elite score sheet if you will and Steve Nash has always been one of my favorite players and back in 2004 when he won the first of the two MVPs he only led the NBA in two statistical categories the first I heard someone say it was assists which means he likes to share the sugar he likes to get other people involved he likes to set a teammate up so that they can be successful clearly that is the sign of a good teammate and a good leader but the other statistic that Steve Nash led the NBA in were touches physical touches high fives fist bumps and pats on the butt how could I possibly know that Steve Nash led the NBA in high fives fist bumps and pats on the butt well it just so happens there was a research team at UC Berkeley and they were doing an official study because they wanted to measure if showing signs of enthusiasm actually led to more wins on the court so they had a research team watch every minute of every NBA game and make a tally mark every time a player gave a high five a fist bump or a pat on the backside well the phoenix sons who Steve Nash played for were so enamored with this study that they hired a full time intern to count just for Steve Nash now just by show of hands how many of you have ever had a crappy entry level job before can you imagine if that was your first job yeah you see that guy over there yeah every time he touches one of these big tall sweaty guys if you could make a tally mark that was his entire job and in the very first game that the intern counted Steve Nash delivered 239 high fives fist bumps and pats on the backside he was a furnace of human connection now in sport in athletics in a game like basketball where physicality is appropriate it has been physiologically proven that you can actually transfer energy to another human being through physical touch you can actually raise someone's game with a high five a fist bump or a pat on the backside just to make sure we're clear and HR compliant I am not telling you to go back to the office and give what I'm telling you to do is to find the emotional equivalent of a high five a fist bump or a pat on the backside how can you use your words how can you use your communication how can you use your emotional intelligence to give someone the equivalent of a high five a fist bump or a pat on the backside because it will help them raise their game words are incredibly powerful they can do a lot of good they can do a lot of damage so we need to figure out how can we give the equivalent of a high five a fist bump or a pat on the backside this is one of the ways that technology and social media and our digital interaction is a great thing because now we have so many more ways to help each other if Chris and I work together and I know he had a rough day today I can send him an uplifting text that just says hey man don't worry about that proposal that didn't go through you're back that is the equivalent of a high five a fist bump or a pat on the backside it will raise his emotional level so that he'll be a better version of himself the next day so we need to figure out how can we start giving out these emotional high fives fist bumps and pats on the backside I'm going to challenge you all with a homework assignment and I would love for you to make this contagious in each of your organizations I've done this with high school basketball teams I've done this with Fortune 100 companies that's how it works every morning when you wake up you put 10 pennies in your left pocket are they not called pennies here what are they called here just coins I just almost had a flashback and was like they might not have pennies here not bad any type of coin you guys have paper clips here you can use paper clips if you want or you can put rubber bands on your wrist you're going to put 10 rubber bands on your left wrist to a teammate or to a client or a customer and an assist is anything that you do above and beyond what you're expected to do so this is extra you do anything you do that makes their life easier or take some friction off of their plate you take one penny out of your left pocket and you put it in your right pocket or you take one rubber band off of your left wrist and you put it on your right wrist but here's the rub you can't leave the office and go home until all 10 pennies are in your right pocket or all 10 rubber bands are on your right wrist until you know for a fact that you've done nothing short of 10 tangible things to fill someone else's bucket to create a better connection to serve them now because you're at this conference you all are leaders you all are high performers you're high achievers 1% so I have zero doubt that each and every one of you has given 10 assists before the morning coffee break you're not the ones I'm concerned with do you have the type of leadership and influence and impact that you can make everyone in your organization follow suit that you can make everyone in your organization want to be just as purposeful and intentional about serving others can you get every single person in your organization all 10 rubber bands on their right wrist before they go home that's what influence is all about it's about making sure that you're impacting others in a very positive way now start doing the math math has never been my strong suit that's probably why I spent most of my time in the gym but you have a few hundred people on your team and in your organization start multiplying that by 10 you're talking about hundreds if not thousands of assists going on every day and these things are extra they're above and beyond what you're supposed to do they're above and beyond what people expect you to do it's all about doing that little bit extra and it's about doing it with intention and purpose we talked a lot yesterday about culture and I will dive into that in a few minutes but I'll tell you now if you want to see a palpable increase in morale in buy-in and in company culture using 10 assists and having people intentional about serving others is a great way to spark that so let's challenge each other and let's challenge those on our team to dish out 10 assists every single day so far most of what I've been talking about is coming at you from an individual level how you can become a higher performer and a better leader and that's where it starts let's talk about the three pillars of what it takes to create an unbeatable team and a winning culture and when I say unbeatable team this is not necessarily about wins and losses this is not necessarily about profits and losses this is about creating the type of environment and atmosphere and mindset where everyone behaves as if they are a champion see before you can become a champion you have to behave as a champion you have to have the habits and the mindsets and the rituals and routines of a high performer to become a high performer so here are the three pillars that we'll examine now the first is we have to have role clarity does every single person in your organization know exactly what their role is and don't make an assumption this has happened many many times you and I work together you know what you think you're supposed to do I know what I think you're supposed to do and those two things don't have near as much overlap as we'd like we've both made assumptions on what her role is we don't want to make assumptions we want to make sure that it's crystal clear what her role is what's expected of her the level that it's expected to the team if we can get those three things in alignment and it matches what I'm going to hold her accountable to now we've got something special when it comes to roles it was mentioned yesterday I believe during Christine's talk every single role matters if it doesn't then they shouldn't be on the team it's very much like a jigsaw puzzle jigsaw puzzle has a bunch of different pieces they're different sizes they're different shapes they're different colors different pieces is missing you can't finish the picture that final collage is incomplete which means every single puzzle piece matters in your organization and the next level and this is where we can look at the proverbial org chart but when it comes to an org chart it doesn't matter where your name falls and it doesn't matter where their name falls everyone in the organization needs to value appreciate respect everybody else's role in the company from the top to the bottom and left and right you have to value, appreciate and respect everybody else's role and once we have some role clarity now it's important that that person not only knows their role that's step one but we have to get them to embrace their role and then if you want to be an elite organization you have everyone have the desire and determination to star in their role that whatever their job title is they want to be the best person at it now my guess is many of you are towards the top of the org chart and more times than not the higher up you are on an org chart the better your compensation the nicer your car the better looking suits you have but that means you don't need as much motivation to star in your role we've got some external metrics that will do that it's the folks that are at the bottom of the org chart that maybe have a role less than they would like it to be but you have to convince them to star in that role first or there's no way they can move up the chart you got to be good where you are before you even have a chance to go where you might want to go and that's where we have to go out of our way as leaders to praise everyone because there are no jobs that are unimportant and if we can make it a habit of everyone on the team showing appreciation and respect and we're constantly praising jobs well done for all different roles now we'll have crystal clear role clarity now let's move to accountability this is a big one when it comes to organizations accountability here's the first thing that you need to understand and then you need to make sure that you share this with those on your team holding someone accountable is not something you do to them it's something you do for them it's a huge difference I'm a huge believer that holding someone accountable is one of the best gifts that you can give them because it shows them that you care it shows them that they and their performance matters it's basically saying you're better than this I know that you're better than this and I believe in you and I want to protect the sanctity of this organization so I'm not going to let you slide I care so much about you that I need to make sure that you're bringing your A game every single day and that you should want people in your life that hold you to the highest levels of accountability we all need to insulate ourselves with people that tell us the things that we need to hear not necessarily the things we want to hear and if we can insulate ourselves with people like that care and compassion and everything else in our emotional toolbox we can hold people accountable to a high level to a high standard now we're creating something really cool and when we talk about accountability most organizations if not all have what's called vertical accountability that means it goes from the top down I'm in charge you all report to me, I tell you what to do that's what a very mediocre organization has if you want to be an elite team if you want to be an unbeatable team if you want to create a winning culture you can't just have vertical accountability you also have to have horizontal accountability which means everybody holds everyone accountable to the standards that you've set that if this group here if they're my direct reports and Chris steps out of bounds and violates one of our standards Jones already said something to him or I even get to him and she does it with love and grace and compassion because she cares about Chris and she cares about our organization shoot by the time I get to Chris I'm like the fourth or fifth person this isn't everyone with their head in their sand pretending they didn't see that everyone has so much pride in the team in themselves and in the person that's their teammate that they want to hold them accountable because again accountability is a gift and here's how you get buy in and believe in for accountability you just ask for it you simply say do you give me permission to coach you do you give me permission to lead you to the best of my ability and then you follow that up with do you give me permission to hold you accountable do you give me permission to hold you accountable to the standards that we've set to protect our identity and that when you step out of bounds which inevitably you will you give me permission to hold you accountable and if you've picked the right people and you have the right people on your bus you'll get compliance you'll get yes sirs and yes ma'ams and once they've given you that permission then now we don't have anything to worry about they've already told you it's okay to hold them accountable now because these are human beings when you hold them accountable there's going to be three things that they'll more than likely do because it's the natural default and we've already covered those they're going to blame complain or make an excuse that's where we as leaders need to have the compassion the tolerance, the patience and the emotional fortitude to know that that's coming and to be able to help them work through it at a faster pace so if I'm going to hold Joan accountable because she's a human being there's a good chance at least initially she's going to try to deflect blame someone else complain about me behind my back excuse the key to leadership is how quickly can I get her to move through that process and then similarly I'm part of the team too which means everyone has every right to hold me accountable so when Joan sees me step out of bounds she needs to be able to hold me accountable preferably with a feedback frame and I need to do everything in my power not to deflect, complain make an excuse or blame and if I do I need the compassion to help me work through that so accountability is one of the most important pieces in this entire machine and it all starts by reframing it so people know when you hold them accountable it's because you love them it's because you care about them and it's because you care about the team now our third pillar to creating a winning team in an unbeatable culture is communication I think I could make a pretty good argument every single issue in a relationship or in an organization is within a few degrees of communication or usually lack of communication or poor communication but almost everything stems from communication and there's a few things I want to make sure I'm sure you all know but I want to make sure that you internalize and you do first and foremost please realize that you are always communicating even when you're not speaking you're communicating and I'm not just talking about the nonverbals every single one of you right now is communicating a message to me based on your facial expressions based on your body language based on how open you are to receiving what I'm sharing your eye contact, your head nods or if you're writing furiously you're communicating something to me and you probably don't even know it but I'm not just talking about that I'm talking about the underlying messages in everything that we do see there's what we say and then there's a deeper meaning behind it now clearly we want to have the emotional tools to have perfect alignment between those things because I don't want what I say and what I mean to be going in opposite directions but here's a perfect example you guys are leaders which means in order to be an effective leader you have to be able to delegate if you guys try and do everything yourselves you'll be the bottleneck so you have to be willing to delegate but here, when we delegate so I take something of great importance and I delegate it I'm working on a proposal and I could use your help what is the unconscious message that I'm sending when I delegate something of importance to someone on my team I trust you I believe in you I know that you're smart enough and competent enough to do this probably as well if not better than I would do it and I need you now is that going to strengthen or erode our personal connection oh it's going to strengthen it big time and please know every time you interact with another human being every time it doesn't matter if it's a 30 second elevator ride with a stranger over at the Jamaican Pegasus or at somebody that you've worked with for 10 years every time you interact with a human being only two things are possible you either strengthen a human connection or you erode it only two things possible and we have to make sure as leaders we are in the business of strengthening every relationship as often as possible and many of it is done or much of it is done through our unconscious messages now let's take this same example but let's flip it I delegate something to you but then I either literally or proverbially stand over your shoulder breathe down your neck and micromanage every I and every T what's the unconscious message I've just sent her it's the exact opposite I don't trust you I don't believe you in fact I don't think you're smart enough to get this done if I'm not standing next to you is that going to strengthen or erode our relationship it's going to erode it and it is going to erode it fast that is pulling the thread out of the sweater but here's the thing I don't even realize that I'm doing it and it's certainly not my intent you all are high performers you're high achievers you're great at what you do I'm assuming many of you have spent years and decades mastering certain skill sets and holding yourself to a very high standard and the thought of giving something of importance to a teammate and them not doing it to the level that you do it will either keep you up at night or it will give you a severe stomach ache so I understand why we would micromanage someone but what did I tell you all earlier just because something's understandable doesn't mean it's acceptable and I have to own the fact that if I'm going to micromanage this young lady right here that that is going to put a wedge in our relationship so let's even forget about this project I'm actually eroding our connection and we've already talked about how important that is if you are unconsciously eroding connections with everyone on your team it's only a matter of time before the whole thing starts to crumble now another thing with communication and these underlying messages we have to think of showing other people ways that we care this will go back to the emotional high fives fist bumps and pats on the backside I mentioned earlier coach K Mike Shieshiewski is the coach at Duke and he is the all time winningest coach in men's college basketball he's been coaching as long as I've been breathing and as a young coach he was someone that I certainly looked up to and respected but to be quite honest with you I downright idolized him as a coach and I was working at Montrose Christian which is the school that Kevin Durant graduated from and one day in 2008 I come up to our very small gym and coach K is standing there I think he was glowing don't quote me on that but I think he was glowing and I had never met him and I had a chance to talk to him for about 10 minutes and the crazy part is I'm much more aware and mindful and present today than I was back then because I don't remember a single word that either one of us said not a single word but I'll never forget how he made me feel he had very warm facial expressions and open body language he made great eye contact he nodded when I was saying stuff he made me feel like I was the most important person in that gym I wasn't the kid he was recruiting was more important than I was but he made me feel like I was the most important person in the gym now I was raised old school my parents taught me that when someone does something nice for you goes out of their way to do something nice for you you hand write them a thank you note so I went home that night hey thank you so much for your time today you have no idea what this meant to me I've admired you from afar for many many many years I wish you and Duke continued success put a stamp on it send it off to Durham North Carolina and I figured that would be that three weeks later I go to my mailbox and I get a letter back now for reference I only bring this when I speak I don't just walk around all the time holding this just to make sure we're on the same page I'm not Dear Allen thank you for your note I enjoyed our conversation at Montrose you've done a terrific job there and obviously you've built a national reputation I'm so happy for you take care Coach K now I know some of you might not be able to see this but it's on the front of a postcard even if he's slow how long do you think it took him to write this maybe 60 seconds maybe can we agree that over the course of our lifetime 60 seconds is a little thing well this little thing had a huge impact on my life this little thing is the reason that I personally go out of my way to return every email every voice message every text message and every social inquiry I can because I figure if Coach K the face of college basketball and one of the busiest men in sport can make the time to send me a note then you better believe I can make the time to return your phone call or to return your email this little thing has had a profound impact on my life because this little thing is the reason I personally aim to have an attitude of gratitude with everything that I do my goal every single day is to tell as many people as I can that I appreciate them to show gratitude because once again if the face of college basketball can make the time to show gratitude to me an absolute no one then you better believe I can do that especially to the people I care about most so don't forget when it comes to communication there's always going to be an underlying message when you hand write someone a note what is the message that you're telling them aside from what you wrote what's the real message that you're telling them you matter to me I value you you are important it's the same thing when we talk about the skill of listening in my opinion and this is an offshoot of emotional intelligence I think the single most important skill for a leader to develop is the ability to actively listen is to be able to ask insightful questions and actively listen not make assumptions just by show of hands how many of you is in sales I need everyone to put your hand up because every single one of you is in sales you're all selling something you're selling your convictions you're selling your beliefs you're selling your culture you are all selling something how many of you have children oh yeah you're definitely selling something you are selling something to your kids every single day so that they'll grow up to be happy well adjusted contributors to this world selling something and I've been mentored by some really elite level sales professionals and every single one of them taught me that telling is not selling when it comes to selling something the key is being able to ask insightful questions here you can take this nugget back to the folks on your team that are responsible for sales and tell them that instead of beating the clients and customers over the head with features and benefits look at our presentation and look at our website and here's what we do and here's our prices don't do any of that ask insightful questions and if you ask insightful questions if you are the right fit for them their answers will convince them to buy you don't have to convince them in fact when you're coming from a position of sales you should never try to convince anyone of anything just ask the right questions and drop the right breadcrumbs and they will convince themselves if and only if you are the right fit which if you, if we go back to the beginning if you truly care about customers and you truly care about clients you want them to be the right fit you shouldn't be trying to trick anyone or manipulate someone or be so concerned with your own sales quota that you want to trick people into buying your product or service just so you can make your numbers that's short lived that's small time thinking big time thinking says I want to look at this room and I want to find out exactly who is the perfect prospect for what I'm selling and the only way I'll know that is by asking questions and I'm going to ask enough questions that their answers will lead them to the purchase if I ask the right questions I don't have to sell you anything you'll pull out your purse and pull out your money in a heartbeat you'll throw it at me because you know that I have what's going to solve your problem so we have to get back to asking questions and then listening active listening here's what most people do their version of listening is being quiet just long enough while the other person speaks so then they can say something back that's not real listening active listening means you listen genuinely because you care because you want to connect because you want to learn something new that's active listening and we listen certainly in a variety of different ways but never forget when this is in person just like you all are doing so beautifully right now we listen with our eyes we hear with our ears we listen with our eyes so make sure anytime when you're having any type of face-to-face contact with someone on your team a client or customer you give them the respect of listening with your eyes and that's the key to active listening now I'll be in full transparency listening was not one of my strong suits but it's something that I've gotten much better at because first I had an awareness and I got an awareness because the people that cared the most about me cared enough to tell me that I wasn't a good listener and that it was actually prohibiting me from being the leader that I was capable of and thankfully my time of complaining, deflecting making excuses and blaming other peoples was rather short-lived and I moved through that and I became conscious of the fact that I needed to be a better listener here's a tool that I've used that I'm hoping you find helpful it's called a list back a list back means when there's an appropriate break in the conversation I'm having a chat with Chris when there's an appropriate break in the conversation I list back in his words exactly what he just said and this is key to use their terminology so Chris I want to make sure I heard you correctly you said A, B and C is that right now this will do two things one it will allow Chris to either affirm or correct what I said yes that is correct Alan or no no no I'm sorry I said A, B and D either way I'll know that I have the correct information but even more important what is the unconscious message that I'm sending to Chris when I can list back verbatim exactly what he just said I'm listening which says what I care about you you matter to me I value what you have to say now we're talking about that strong glue again so we have to make sure our communication and our accountability and our role clarity is completely tightened up and that we're very intentional about that I told you all earlier at the beginning that I was going to tell you some things that you already know I was going to tell you some things that you've heard things you know intuitively and intellectually and as I look out at your beautiful faces and I see that no one's head has exploded so far which means I'm pretty sure I delivered on my promise I've told you guys stuff that you already know but now is where I ask you to put on the hat of humility and vulnerability and say how well are you doing this stuff are you incredibly intentional with those three relationships do you use those three coaching mantras are you working hard to implement those three pillars of an unbeatable team in your organization not when you want to not when you feel like it not when it's convenient to do things every single day because if you aren't that's where we have that performance gap it is the gap between knowing and doing and we have to constantly work on closing that gap now this would lead to a question of why would a group of Jamaica's highest performers and highest achievers not be doing the things that you know you're supposed to do because it's not easy guys if it was easy you'd be doing all of this stuff it's not easy and as human beings one thing it's wired in our DNA we're very good at resisting change most people don't like change but as we know as leaders change is inevitable and when you can learn how to lean in to change instead of resist it now you'll be mobile and innovative enough to keep moving forward there was a Duke University study that said 42% of everything we do during our waking hours is habitual is unconscious that means almost half of everything you do from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to bed is on autopilot which certainly shows the need of having positive habits but I also hope you realize that that means that changing those habits and behaviors is going to make you uncomfortable especially if you've had a habit for many many decades it is going to make you uncomfortable and that's another thing we're good at as human beings is trying to get rid of discomfort running from discomfort avoiding discomfort this is where I'm very fortunate that I came up in the basketball performance space because when I was training a player or a team discomfort was not a nice to have it was a requirement it was a necessity every single time a player came in for a workout it was my job to take them to that brink of discomfort simply and emotionally so that they could build themselves back stronger so we need to stop trying to run away from discomfort we need to learn how to lean into it and just know this discomfort is always going to be a temporary prerequisite to what it is that you want to get so we have to find ways to lean into it because we have to be all about change I'll tell you this right now when you leave this conference later today after Chris's amazing keynote this evening I can't wait to see when we leave tonight if nothing changes nothing changes if you keep doing what you've been doing I promise you you'll keep getting what you've been getting if you don't like what you've been getting you need to change what you've been doing easy for me to say very very basic concept very challenging and difficult to do but we have to embrace change I mentioned Kevin Durant earlier I know he's sidelined with an injury this year but if he wasn't for that injury many people think he's now taken the title as the best player in the world and I had a chance to meet Kevin when he was 15 years old and I met him and I watched him play basketball for just a couple of minutes and I made a few assessments the first this young man loves to play basketball he's playing his tail off and he's smiling the entire time two he's very fundamentally sound his shooting mechanics and his footwork were pristine especially for a 15 year old three, he had a very high basketball IQ Kevin understood the game on a cerebral level that would rival most coaches but four let me see this politely he was rather sleight of frame Kevin used to get real irritated with me when I would call him skinny but he was pretty wiry back in the day and he showed me as a performance coach that the only thing that would prevent this young man from being a really really really good basketball player would be lack of strength and power well thankfully that's where my expertise lies so I knew that if I could work out with him that I could potentially be someone that could help him raise his game and it took a few months of convincing because understandably Kevin's wonderful mom Wanda was very hesitant to let her little baby boy come in for a workout so it took a few months of convincing but thankfully I can be persistent when needed and Kevin came in for a workout and I remember like it was yesterday in about 30 to 40 minutes I had gotten so excited and so jacked up in only about 30 or 40 minutes I had absolutely hammered him he was laying in a pile on the gym floor well Kevin is 6'11 he was 180 pounds at the time so he was more coiled up like an old garden hose but he was laying on the ground and he was sweating profusely and he was shaking his muscles were twitching and Kevin has always been a very soft spoken young man he didn't say two words the entire workout so I had no idea whether or not he even liked it so I just asked him and as serious as can be he said no I didn't but I know this is what I need to do if I want to play in the NBA so when can I see you again coach and I remember being blown away that a 15 year old had the maturity to know that he was going to have to make a change and that change was going to come with a tremendous amount of mental emotional and physical discomfort but he was willing to lean into that and to run towards it because he knew that that discomfort would unlock what he needed to do to be the best player he could be and I say that to challenge each and every one of us because I'm in the same group as you all we have to learn how to embrace challenge embrace change and embrace discomfort the discomfort will be short lived the result that we'll get from it will be permanent and I want to be incredibly respectful of everyone's time so I told you that I was going to put a big pink bow tie on this and that's what I'll do now we're going to talk about the concept of living in the present moment because the only way that you can do all of this the only way you can pour into those three relationships to your fullest capability the only way you can actually live out those coaching mantras the only way you can create an unbeatable team is if you learn how to be in the present moment see many people get very distracted by the past they're still consumed with what happened yesterday a lot of people get really really anxious about what they think is going to happen tomorrow so they spend all of their mental currency in one place that's already happened and you can't get back and in another that may not actually happen at all and it's robbing them of being in the present moment the short definition of living present is to be where your feet are be where your feet are wherever your feet are make sure that's where your head and your heart are as well now I know that sounds very obvious how many of you have ever been with someone but you weren't with someone right so we have to learn how to be fully present now as I told you the stickiness of threes I'm no surprise that I've got three keys to living present the first is you have to learn how to focus on the next play the next play if I'm a basketball coach I need my team to play present you just missed a wide open layup it's okay next play you just turned the ball over it's okay next play I know I know the referee missed a call it happens sometimes if I'm a basketball coach why do I want my players focused on the next play it's the only one they can do anything about they can't do anything about the miss layup or the turnover or the referees miss call those are over those are in the rear view mirror and any time they spend worrying about that in their feelings dejected bad body language well with me I can't believe I miss this layup any time they're doing that they're not in the present moment and it robs them of their performance now in a game like basketball which is very analogous to life if this young lady misses a layup and chooses choose being the key word chooses not to sprint back on defense there's a very good chance that the player she's guarding will sprint down the floor and make an easy layup so not only did she cost us two points on this end she's now cost us four points because the player she was supposed to be guarding scored on this end and we can't allow that to happen mistakes are going to happen they're going to happen every single day we're going to make them the people on our team are going to make them the key is nipping them in the bud and not letting them compound not letting one mistake turn into two turn into four we can't allow that so we have to move to the next play and I want to make sure that you have that mindset in everything that you do you make a sales call, it doesn't go very well next play you submit a proposal, you don't get the client next play you have a heated disagreement because you did not use the tools that were taught yesterday in Jareen's emotional intelligence seminar next play if you can have a next play mentality first of all, I'll tell you from personal experience you'll be a lot happier you'll be a lot more fulfilled because it's like taking a weight vest off because you're not constantly looking backwards over your shoulders at all of the things that just happened, you're fully focused on the next one the second pillar or the second step to living present is to control the controllables there's only two things in this world that each of us has 100% control over 100% of the time there's only two effort and attitude that's it now we can influence a lot of other things we can have a heavy influence on our perspective and our philosophy on our enthusiasm, on our preparation but if you really brush everything else away those are the only two things we have complete control over our effort and our attitude first let's look at effort most people will acknowledge that when they give a good effort it's because they chose to they stand up tall they puff up their chest and they know that's the best effort but you'll have to realize that if working hard is a choice not working hard is also a choice you can't have one without the other and what do you think happens when you hold a teammate or a loved one accountable for not giving their best effort what are the three things they're more than likely to do blame complain, deflect make excuses make things that they're more than likely to do but effort is always a choice you choose whether or not to show up as your best self every single day now I know that I'm delivering everything today with a smile and with a very a matter of fact tone there is nothing in the world easy about choosing to show up as your best self every day if anyone's ever not felt well or been hungry or didn't get a lot of sleep that's an easy excuse why you don't have to give your best effort that day you're entitled to not give your best effort and most of your compassionate friends and colleagues would understand why you don't give your best effort because they too have been hungry and sick and have not felt well and didn't get sleep but what did I tell you before just because it's understandable doesn't mean it's acceptable I'm sorry that Chris didn't feel well last night I'm sorry that he's hungry he didn't get a lot of sleep but I'm counting on him as a part of this team to bring his best self now I'm going to do those things with compassion this is not about leading with an iron fist because I know what it's like to feel those things so I'm going to use my emotional toolbox to do everything I can to uplift him and to be the next person up to support him this is not about throwing anyone under the bus but he needs to know that whether or not he gives his best effort today is completely and 100% up to him I have to find ways to encourage him and light his fire to be able to do that so we're clear on the effort the next is the attitude if you have children you have probably said something to this effect because I know I say it to my kids all the time you don't control what happens to you but you control how you respond or react absolutely well that's an aspirin that all of us should take with or without applesauce that we need to take because most of what goes on in this crazy world we don't have control over we always respect we always have to make sure that we know that we control the response and that we control the reaction and when we know that when we own that then we have the keys to the car we know for a fact that no matter what happens in this world we can always choose a reaction that moves us forward instead of one that sets us back that choice is ours and it's ours alone and I hope that's one of the most empowering things that you can think of is from a mindset and a perspective standpoint no matter what happens you always get to choose a response that moves you forward and the last pillar is you have to learn how to trust the process we all live in an outcome based world we all know you guys have financial goals you have quotas you have things that you want to reach and there's nothing wrong with those but don't get fixated on the outcomes focus more on the micro steps and the process of what it'll take to increase the chance of that happening I use the analogy of a brick wall if I was tasked with building a brick wall right now I wouldn't really worry about the wall you know where my focus would be on each brick and making sure I lay each brick with care and precision and as long as I lay each brick with care and precision there's a very good chance the wall will just take care of itself but when I step back and I'm so worried about how long is this wall going to be how tall is it going to be is it going to be part of I'm inevitably going to start laying sloppy bricks and there's one promise I can make you if you lay sloppy bricks you'll never ever have a sound sturdy wall and we have to trust and respect the process we need to control the controllables and we need to always be focused on the next play before I put an exclamation point on the end of this I kind of learned this the hard way when I was speaking in another country I normally have a text that email opt in where if you were to text me I would actually send you a 12 page PDF that has all of my notes all of my key themes as well as the stuff that I talk about in my workshops and trainings I was in another country and I gave them that number to text yeah it went to some other lady and they started getting stuff that they did not want to get it had nothing to do with me so here's what we can do if you go to alansteinjr.com there's an email opt in if you'd prefer to just email me directly alan at alansteinjr.com or as Christine did yesterday if you just want to find me and hand me your business card I will make sure to personally send you a 12 page PDF that covers everything I've talked about today and because you guys are great leaders because you know that lighting a candle only does that it pays that forward you know when you light a candle it doesn't put yours out right lighting a candle takes nothing away from you it only lights someone else's you can light with as many different people as you can so I know that my time is up and I want to be so respectful but I have to put an exclamation point on this talk right now and this will only take a couple of minutes I told you about the Kobe Bryant skills academy what I didn't tell you was there was a young man there who was a college counselor now this young man did not have the resume of the other college counselors and to be quite honest he didn't have the physique either he looked like he was 14 years old but all the coaches noticed that there was something different about this kid it was palpable there was just an energy about him that was different but the most impressive thing was at the end of the very first workout just based on sheer proximity we had never met he said coach will you rebound for me because I don't leave the gym until I swish if I free those in a row I don't leave until I swish if I free those in a row for anyone in the room that's never actually shot a basketball yourself let me tell you that is a very very very high standard a swish by definition is a perfect shot it means it never touches the rim it doesn't touch the backboard it gets its name from the sound it makes by going nothing but net and this young man was not going to leave until he swished five in a row there were a couple of times where he would swish four in a row hit a little bit of the rim on the fifth one he's still five for five he's still mathematically perfect but that wasn't good enough for him so he would start over and I don't believe it ever took him longer than 12 to 15 minutes to swish five in a row that young man's name was Stephen Curry and Stephen Curry will go down in history as the greatest shooter that this game has ever seen and it's not by accident it's not by luck it's not even because his dad played in the NBA it's because he's willing to hold himself to an unparalleled standard and that is the thought that I want to leave all of you with this morning that the standards that you set today will determine who and where you'll be tomorrow and with that I thank you all so much I appreciate your presence and your attention thank you okay come on come on the arena needs to rise come up come up come up I need to hear the chairs our team just won yeah that was awesome yeah thank you that sounds more like it that sounds like a championship win because that was a championship win type presentation thank you so much Alan that was awesome so it's time for Q&A and I see that Q&A is blowing up oh good yes we have a lot of feedback here so hmm let me say this because I want to be so respectful of your all's time I know that I went a couple minutes over what I was supposed to do as you can see I kind of get excited and I kind of get into what I'm doing if for any reason Q&A needs to be cut short so that we can keep the rest of the day on schedule I'm hanging out all day I'm going to be sitting in other sessions can't wait to see Chris speak so just find me individually if for any reason you had a question and it doesn't get answered thank you so much you're welcome so I'm going to take once I'm looking for I'm not saying it's the best one I'm just going to look for one and pick okay you have a lot of positive feedback here you can check when you get some time Alan thank you okay how do you suggest we deal with the delicate situation of holding persons above us accountable anything that I'll share will always be run through that perspective of what I'm going to say is basic what I'm going to say is not going to be easy I really and truly believe that the feedback frame that Christine shared yesterday is an invaluable tool there were things in Jones and Jareen's session as well that are incredibly valuable tools what immediately comes to mind is going back to figuring out how can you share with this leader what's most important to them how can you break down barriers by going to play in their sandbox figure out ways that you can make them less likely to become defensive to blame to complain and to make excuses so you realize that you need to give them some feedback and you need to use your emotional intelligence to figure out what is the best way to share that with them and there have been so many tools that were passed out yesterday on ways that we can approach that and one of the best ways is usually by looking internally at ourselves looking at the ways that you like to receive feedback ways that you want to be held accountable and then give them some different options but a way to be able to pepper that in would be able to say Chris, you're such a phenomenal leader in our organization here's something that I believe would make you even better if you're open to that type of feedback let me give you one other thing here I have a really good friend this is a book that you all will want to read to say it's a very short book and this is one of my friends in sales that's a mentor and he has a mindset that if you change your words you can change your world and he talks about how important language is one of the things that he taught me that I found is really successful when you're trying to get someone to be open to your feedback is you actually use that word open you say to them Joan would you be open to me offering some feedback now I'm imagining Joan wants to consider herself an open minded person she may not be but she thinks that she is or wants to believe that she is so when I give her I lob her a softball and say would you be open to me giving you feedback she knows unconsciously that if she says no that means she's closed minded and no one wants to consider themselves closed minded even if Joan has the hardest head in the room she doesn't want to think that so when you say would you be open to doing this with you you'll get more compliance than ever before because people want to consider themselves open instead of just outright asking them so I'm hoping that's a tool that can help is just ask someone if they're open to what it is that you have to share