 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the heart. I'm Jonathan Astley of Jonathan Astley.com And I'm so excited to be doing this short video for you today our topic this Quality makes a man bond with you this quality Really quickly if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button hit the bell So you can be notified of new videos and if anytime during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms Lastly, these are my weekend videos that I shoot out on my balcony very similar to the videos I do in my private group called midlife love mastery This is a group where you get to have direct access to me on a regular best Regular basis and if you ask me questions in the group, I shoot personalized videos just for you So check out the link below to my VIP group. So let's talk about this Quality that makes a man bond with you and first before we're going to go into that I want to differentiate between the two types of men out there That most of you are dating and it's the same with women There's basically two types and what I say is there's the type that's emotionally Healthy and emotionally unhealthy. Let me repeat that emotionally healthy and emotionally unhealthy I recently shot a video about the two types of man's that make your heart melt Or I can't I can't remember the title by the way really quickly. I do have a confession I do have a bit of dyslexia I read words kind of backwards and I sometimes say a different word that's in my mind So it's rather challenging sometimes to watch my videos to see myself make all these grammatical errors And so I hope you have a little patience with me because it's a brain deficiency. I think I have Because I do I am rather dyslexic. Anyways getting back to the story about healthy and unhealthy men Because the reality is folks, you know, I know it's very frustrating for many of you because the vast majority of the human population Men and women alike have very weak Emotional skills at best. Let me repeat that very weak emotional skills very weak interpersonal skills very weak skills at Communicating their feelings in a way that can be seen heard and understood I'm gonna repeat that that's the vast majority of human beings They have weak emotional skills In fact, this is one of the reasons why it might seem very frustrating to many of you women out there Because it might seem like men are Selfish and I'm putting my hands like this. It's like they only see in a myopic way in their own lens Okay, and this isn't singular to men. This is women as well It's actually a very human trait to be rather selfish and not necessarily, you know being I'm trying to give an example of it's all about them kind of thing. It's not that it's just from an emotional level Most humans are rather Stunted so it makes it appear that they're myopic or selfish that it's all about them Because the vast majority of human beings haven't really leaned into real deep empathy And empathy isn't just I can feel your feelings Empathy is also I care about your feelings and to take empathy further. It's I care about my own feelings I care about my own feelings Okay, that's true empathy when we can actually embody the the Feelings of others caring for others and also caring for our own feelings And this is why most humans are stunted because they do a poor job of caring about their own feelings In fact, those who know me know I wrote a book centered around this and it's called what the heck is self-love anyway What the heck is self-love anyway? By the way, there's a link below To my book. You can get it at self-love the book.com Why i'm introducing this is this is a book of personal development self-help and spiritual work To begin the journey of shoring up our emotional health Our emotional health because I said before there's basically two types of men There's two types of women the emotionally healthy the emotionally unhealthy and sadly humans spend very little time in emotional self-care Let me repeat that humans spend very little time in emotional self-care You think about it. We spend on average a couple minutes a day brushing our teeth taking a shower Getting dressed up groomed cleaning ourselves brushing our hair all those kind of things Maybe a half hour or more each day in just grooming In the morning and at night and yet the vast majority spend very little time By the way ladies never do this in front of a guy. So we spend very little time On emotional health This is why i'm i'm such a big proponent of this when you watch my videos and I sometimes knock other dating coaches It's because it's all a lot of dating rhetoric is surface out there It is so surface that it sometimes makes me want to scream that it's based on the egoic aspects of relationship And not the deeper inner journey that matters most because whether you can find someone or not Whether you find someone like this t-shirt. I've got your back Which has the back missing right here in this, you know, whether you find a partner or not What's most important is you have your own back You have your own back This is why i'm screaming at the top of my lungs sometimes when I shoot my videos And I know my weekend videos are more of my subdued ones Is I want everyone To wrap themselves up in a blanket of self-love because when this happens And I'm going to lean into this feminine quality And by the way, I'm gonna I have a disclaimer here I know I called it a feminine quality in the title of this video quite frankly It's a human quality what i'm about to share. It is not singular to women. It's not singular to femininity. It is not singular to Feminine energy Folks if you if you follow my work, you know, I'm a big proponent of not getting caught up in the masculine and feminine energies And being actually more caught up in your own individual sovereignty Your self-worth your self-esteem your self-confidence and that is not singular to a gender Okay, it's not masculine or feminine. It is called personhood. That is what I'm more I'm encouraging more people to view it from a perspective of humanness And not breaking up by the genders Because this isn't just a feminine quality This is a quality reserved for every human being if they want to lean into this quality And this quality that actually makes a Healthy man bond with you a healthy man bond with you Is vulnerability? That's right vulnerability If you're not familiar with the work of brunet brown, I highly Suggested you checking it out. She wrote this great book called the gifts of imperfection the gifts of imperfection Let go of who you think you're supposed to be and embrace who you are because vulnerability Is actually very intoxicating to an emotionally healthy man an emotionally healthy man Now you might be thinking well, jonathan, how do I meet an emotionally healthy man? This and I get it's very frustrating one of the reasons why I became a dating relationship coaches At first was to help women improve their dating profiles I have to tell you most women's dating profiles look like crap and I just wanted to give them the male perspective That's how I got started in us What I didn't realize is my journey of becoming a dating relationship coach Was really to help women learn how to vet for emotional maturity and during my journey as a coach I've amassed over 3000 hours of personal development work for myself personal development self-help spiritual workbooks Readings and such not to mention the 20 000 hours of coaching. I've accumulated literally in the last 15 years So I say this not to impress you. I'm stealing a line from tony robbins But to impress upon you that I'm I'm I study human behavior because this is the most important piece And why I'm suggesting vulnerability is that space where a person can truly bond with you It's because and I see this distressing lack of Of wanting to speak up from women. I can't tell you how many women reach out to me I'm seeking advice On how to talk to their guy when they're afraid to even talk about the important things in the relationship because they're afraid He's going to run away Folks when I wrote my book what the heck is self-love anyway chapter one is speak your truth Do it with kindness speak your truth do it with kindness later on in the book Chapter nine is if it's sincere and from the heart You can't say the wrong thing to the right person Ladies when you're with the right guy, you can actually be vulnerable You can be vulnerable now. I'm not suggesting you vomit your feelings 24 7. Okay, it's not about it's about Expressing a fear. That's what vulnerability is Expressing an insecurity or fear And why this bonds you with a man is men Tend to want to how men who are in love. Okay, let's differentiate. Okay, there's the emotionally unhealthy men And there's the men who are emotionally unhealthy and not even in love with you They're just in it because they want the companionship the connection and the sex, but they're not in it for something deeper In fact, many of you are are dating men. I watch this over and over that aren't even into anything serious They just want something casual and I get the benefit for you is it doesn't require you to be all in With someone you barely know and i'm not suggesting you, you know You merge your assets together when you get to know someone but but i'm here to suggest and i'm trying to eliminate but for my language my my communication And yet Many of you are not being intentional. This is why when I created my private coaching It's all about helping you pre Qualify your prospect to know whether or not you're with an emotionally healthy man or not And if you need some support on that check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a Coach is right for you because folks This is what I can help you do differentiate between the emotionally healthy men and the emotionally unhealthy men Prequalify your prospect because if you're giving your heart to a guy who's emotionally unhealthy and not even in love with you He's not going to go the extra mile and he will not bond with you through vulnerability In fact, the last thing he wants is your vulnerability By the way, I got this coffee mug from one of you out there. It's as good vibes only. Thank you so much It was so sweet. They sent me a card along with it Actually, it was my birthday recently So it was a birthday gift, but many of you have been sending gifts To my company address, which is on my website I want to thank you so much from the bottom of my heart very sweet of you Let's wrap this up though. Let's go. Thank you everyone I want to wrap this up because vulnerability is also and this is critically important. So I want you to stay for this Vulnerability with an emotionally healthy man who's in love with you not only bonds him with you It also gives him space to be vulnerable with you Ladies men tend to be the physical leaders of the relationship and women tend to be the emotional leaders of the relationship what I mean by tend to be Is my invitation for most of you out there is to recognize that the emotional side of the relationship is what you study Way more than men. You're buying way more of the books out there centered around relationships. So men Don't understand the emotional mechanics of a relationship But frankly, they don't even understand the mechanics of a relationship. Most men are winging it out there Most when men are winging it out there Emotionally healthy men who are actually intentional about about the process aren't winging it They've studied. They've read the books that I've read. Well, I shouldn't say all emotionally available men a big chunk of them have And ladies, I want you to not feel discouraged. There are good guys out there There are plenty of good guys out there and they haven't had to do all the work that I did not even close So long as they're introspective They look inward and say How can I improve upon my life? Ooh, let me repeat that. How can I improve upon my life? That's what a true introspective person does and I don't mean improve financially I mean improve emotionally because the number one emotional health issue Most folks face is I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable. I'm not likable So an introspective person looks inward and say, how can I improve on who I am as a person? Not improve in the outer world How can I improve upon myself in a person as a person? You know, it's interesting. There's a uh show on a showtime Called couples therapy and it's a docudrom. It's not reality tv and what I love about it The therapist said something interesting in season two She said most couples go to therapy hoping that the therapist will fix their partner And when quite frankly the work is within ourselves and so I'm here to say folks If you want to shift your narrative in the Relationship realm then I highly recommend reading the two books. I mentioned along with this book called non-violent Communication by marshall rozenberg non-violent communication by marshall rozenberg and why I recommend this book is because Vulnerability requires the ability to not only just speak up And also speak up in a kind way in this book Nonviolent communication. It should have been called compassionate communication Will give you the tools to be able to speak up in that very kind way I talked about so you can actually be seen heard and understood by the guy you're with because that's How an emotionally healthy guy will bond with you Is when you're vulnerable and you lead by example, is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know All right, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this video. Please post a comment below post a question I'd like to hear all from you. I do my best to read them all. I may not respond as always And if you find value check out the links below to a discovery call with me to my book to my podcast And even my membership and again I shoot videos just for you and my membership. All right. This would be a great place to wrap up today First off, I'm going to give myself a big gigantic Johnson bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pat a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now