 I feel I've done a pretty good job of being like PG-13 on my channel, but it's about to change just a little bit because I'm a big boy and I trust that you are a big man or big woman and you can handle this because in this video we're going to talk about why you are fucked. So stay tuned. What's up everybody this is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution. And yeah the only reason I am being a little bit vulgar in this video and you know therefore it's not that vulgar you know I could say much worse. Anyways is because we're going to be talking about Russell Brand, his book Recovery that I've talked about before, but we're going to focus on the aspects of relationships today. I know that many many many many many people out there who are watching this have toxic relationships over and over and over again and they can't understand why. What's interesting about Russell Brand is that he has created a book that can help anybody who is feel stuck okay and I'm about to explain why and it all starts by understanding Russell Brand's philosophy of why people aren't so much pain. Now I'm about to show you a clip from Russell Brand but I just want to throw this out there to you. It is 2017. Studies show that more people are anxious, depressed, struggle with other forms of mental illness than ever before. We have mass shootings every five seconds it seems like. We just had an attack in New York. Just people are in pain and it's not being addressed and one of the reasons it's not being addressed is because people are so unconscious of this pain and what they are doing and then they eventually get to a breaking point. So hopefully this video will help anybody out there who is experiencing pain because of relationships so check out this clip. Who's not in pain in this crazy world? Pain is everywhere it's everywhere and it won't ever end until we address our inner constellation our inner coordinates how we feel within will change us and will change the outer world. Alright that clip came from a video that I will link in the description along with Russell Brand's book and the video was called Unfuck Yourself from the Modern World. Now what this video entails and you can go check it out but I'm going to break it down for you. Russell Brand is a very simple cycle of how this pain happens and then reoccurs over and over and we get stuck in this cycle and never get out of it. So for this video I will be focusing on the topic of relationships I hope to do more on different specific subjects but I just want to let you know like ask yourself can you relate to what I'm about to share because if you can the good news is there is a solution. So let's jump right into it. The first part of this cycle is pain some kind of pain a feeling that we have inside typically based on ideas of what we think we need to be okay talking about relationships and unhealthy relationships whether it's dating or whether it's sleeping with random people whatever it is typically that pain when it comes to relationships is loneliness we feel lonely we need to do something about that loneliness we do not know how to sit with that loneliness so therefore we have to take action to combat that loneliness. Part two of this cycle is using an addictive agent to soothe and distract so when you're feeling lonely what do you do to combat that loneliness do you go and find a random stranger to hook up with at a bar do you go on Tinder do you go on okay Cupid do you go on Facebook what are you doing to distract and soothe yourself from that original pain of loneliness part three is a very important one in this cycle which is a temporary anesthesia so anesthesia that is something to numb okay that is something to get rid of that pain but the key word here being temporary so you're feeling lonely in order to get rid of that loneliness you go and find a hookup or you find somebody that probably doesn't meet the standards that you deserve and what that does is temporarily it numbs that pain next you experience consequences if you are somebody who gets into toxic relationships over and over these consequences are very obvious you start fighting a lot you start feeling terrible you start feeling depressed now in in my experience people who turn to sex or relationships as a way to numb this pain are typically like a cup with a hole in it they will never be full so in turning to a relationship to subside that pain they soon find out that their glass isn't getting full this person that they have brought into their life is not doing what they wanted them to do maybe it lasted for a little bit maybe it lasted during that honeymoon phase but because they constantly have these feelings of loneliness or they need attention that's when the relationships really get bad because you want more they can't give more and what you're really chasing is a feeling that you're never fully going to get so the consequences involve fighting bad relationships which lead to bad breakups or if you're somebody who just goes out there and just you know likes to sleep around there are typically consequences these consequences can be sexually transmitted diseases these consequences can be developing bad relationships with your friends with your family members the people in your life are saying like hey you are hooking up a new people all the time and you're still sad and depressed like people pointing out these things to you maybe you're bringing around terrible men or terrible women around your family and your friends these are the consequences that we're talking about so after these consequences is the fifth part of this cycle which is shame guilt that leads to more pain or low self-esteem so let's go back through this cycle real quick you were lonely you found somebody to get rid of that loneliness it was only a temporary fix now you're starting to have consequences right you're starting to get into fights you're starting to realize this person is terrible for you I know a bunch of women who get into relationships with men who are verbally or even physically abusive these consequences now because of that decision you made you experience shame or guilt which leads to more pain or self-esteem thus restarting the whole cycle of pain again so what happens eventually you break away from that relationship that bad relationship you finally broke away but how long does it take for that pain to return and you jump right back into that cycle everybody does this in some way shape or form it's just are you going to be conscious about it or are you going to be unconscious about it are you going to bring awareness into what you're doing and if so you're learning that no matter how many times you repeat this cycle you are still ending up back at point one where you have pain and that is no way to live and like I said at the beginning of this video more and more people are struggling with pain and they're reaching these breaking points but like I said there is a solution I'm going to do another video on this about how the best thing that I ever did in my life was staying single and staying celibate for a year and a half best thing I ever did in my life because it taught me to get comfortable with the loneliness and once you can get comfortable with that the world is your oyster I encourage you that if you can relate to this pain when it comes to relationships you go and check out Russell Brand's book recovery it is not just for recovering drug addicts and alcoholics it's a misconception Russell Brand made this book for anybody out there who is stuck in a cycle of pain so if you check in the link in the description below it is an amazon affiliate link so you get the book and no extra cost that book then provides more support for this channel so I can keep making videos to help you with your mental health your mental illness and all that kind of stuff so please check out this book click the link below but there are solutions and if you like this video please give it a thumbs up because that helps me know if there's more topics you want me to do on this I can literally take this same cycle and use it for a million other things and I'm going to but I would like to know which ones you want me to cover about these cycles that you're starting to notice that you're stuck you're stuck in that are not bringing you the relief that you thought they were see if you check out my other video that I'll link up in the info card where Russell Brand said us addicts are the lucky ones see our our pain manifests into a cycle which leads to drugs and alcohol where it's brightest day that we're suffering for other people it's a lot harder to kind of acknowledge and accept so if you have some kind of struggle and you want me to do a video on that particular topic please let me know in the comments below but aside from that here is the question of the day what is your experience with toxic relationships did you break free of them are you now in healthier relationships or do you find yourself being in that same pattern of starting with pain and ending in pain and recycling that pattern all over again leave them in the comments below what's your experience with this cycle of pain when it comes to relationships but thanks for watching if you are new here please click the little round subscribe button right below I'm always doing videos about mental health mental illness addiction and all that stuff to the left of me click or tap on one of those thumbnails because there's a ton of other content on this channel where I talk about things that can help you out up here thanks for watching I'll see you next time