 If you don't have clear direction and what you're focusing on, you're inevitably just going to get stuck in your head. And because you're in this conversation with somebody you might not know that very well, so there's tension and pressure there. Once that tension and pressure kicks in, you have no choice but to focus on yourself unless you know what you're focusing on. What's up everybody and welcome to the show today. We drop great content each and every week and we want to make sure that you guys get notified. And in order to do that, you're going to have to smash that subscribe button and hit that notification bell. And if you've gotten a lot of value out of this, make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. Now this first one presents. You may have heard us mention it on the show in the past and it actually is so key to being charismatic because if you are in the future thinking about what you're going to say next or setting up that one liner so that you get the crowd laughing, you are not being charismatic. If you're living in the past and you're dwelling on what you said previously and why that didn't go over well and why that person has judged you, you can't possibly be charismatic. We are drawn to charismatic people because they are fully and 100% engaged in the moment that they are in with you. They are not thinking about other things. They are not worried whether it's self-reflection or outward on what everyone else is doing. That presence is key to you establishing charisma that others can feel in interacting with you. And when I was in my 20s, like any young person, it's very difficult to just focus on presence that where you are, who you're speaking to and to let go of everything else. And certainly for me that was difficult. As a young person, I was very rambunctious. I had a lot of things that I want to do. And like any young person, especially a young man, you're thinking about, what am I getting out of this interaction? And for the next interaction I go into, what am I getting out of that? And when I let go of all of those things and just focused on being and concentrating and focusing on enjoying the interaction and with no agenda attached to it, just this is going to be a conversation and we're going to see where it goes. And I'm going to focus my attention on what they are saying and I'm going to be listening to them with my eyes and my ears. All of a sudden my focus shifted and I could also tell the easy to put other people at. And because of that, I enjoyed the conversations that much more. And so did they. And it was my first initial understanding of changing a few things about myself and then watching my situations change. Like think about talking with someone, really put yourself in the situation where you're talking with someone and that person is fully there. No looking over your shoulder, no trying to interrupt you, not like reaching for their phone and checking Facebook. They're really, really there. That is really a gift that you can give another person. And I'll tell you what happens for the other person is because you are there constantly being present with them. No matter whether they say something stupid or there's an awkward pause for a second, you're still there and you're present. What you allow the other person to do is to stop being stuck in their mind and to focus on the conversation. Because most of the time we're like, what if we get interrupted? What if I say something stupid? What if there's an awkward pause? But be there and be present. And the other person learns that, hey, I can relax. I can enjoy this conversation. I can just be myself. Now, how does that change a conversation? We drop great content each and every week and we wanna make sure that you guys get notified. And in order to do that, you're gonna have to smash that subscribe button and hit that notification bell. And if you've gotten a lot of value out of this, make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. And presence is not easy, especially for those who are inexperienced. And I know talking about myself growing up, not feeling charismatic, we even see this in our boot camp. So over the past weekend, we do video work with our clients. And we have our team challenge them in conversation because inevitably when you're going into a situation where you're gonna be filmed, you're gonna have interaction with someone, what do you do? You start strategizing. You start thinking, I'm gonna say this, they're gonna say this, then I can say that. And now you got a seven layer cake of how the conversation is gonna go. And guess what happens when one of our coaches throws a monkey wrench in and goes left when you're thinking they're gonna go right? Well, the other six layers of your cake collapse and the conversation falls flat and that's not charismatic. So you have to gain experience in these moments of tension and pressure to remove the what ifs, right? If I've talked to a thousand people at networking events, you think I'm gonna be overwhelmed with what ifs on the thousand and first person that I talked to? No, those what ifs start to diminish with experience. And that's as we said earlier, why you can't fake this stuff. You can't fake being present. You can't pretend that you're not thinking about the past or the future when you're in conversation with people. We naturally innately pick up on that in others. And if you have a significant other or a spouse, I guarantee you there's nothing that gets on your nerves more than when they're not fully present and you're sharing an emotional bit when you are trying to connect with them and they're thinking about that text or what's on their calendar or their to-do list that's ever growing. So presence is something that we have to practice. We have to gain experience in actually centering ourself in that moment. And of course there are ways to do that with mindfulness, we highly recommend whether you're in our X Factor program or in our bootcamp through experience of putting yourself in conversations with strangers constantly, consistently. And those what ifs diminish and your ability to be centered and present goes through the room. I see so many young people go, okay, I wanna be more present and I'm working on that. What should I be focusing on? Emotional bids are just one aspect of many that you could be focusing on that is going to give you an opportunity to really uplift the other person as well as the context of the communication that is being sent, the emotions that are being conveyed in that conversation. I mean, there is a lot and it's pick the thing that you wanna focus on and transfix on that. And that transfiction is again putting that attention on the other person. It's not self-focused attention. It's not concerned about what could happen or what has happened in the past. And I think that's why we often feel that charisma is so fleeting. It's so difficult to pin down because you have to be fully centered and comfortable with yourself to be present in these moments. If you don't have clear direction and what you're focusing on, you're inevitably just going to get stuck in your head. And because you're in this conversation with somebody you might not know that very well. So there's tension and pressure there. Once that tension and pressure kicks in, you have no choice but to focus on yourself unless you know what you're focusing on. That's so key. When it comes to presence, it's so easy for you to go, oh yeah, totally, I know I need to be present. That makes complete sense to me. Think about the conversations that you're having on a daily basis right now. We've talked about this on the show in the past autopilot conversations where you ask someone in small talk, how are you doing, you give a normal answer, I'm good, move on to the next thing. If you really want to practice presence and strengthen your frame around this exact thing to develop out your charisma, stop falling into the trap of autopilot responses. Start changing small talk by being honest, by being vulnerable, by being authentic. And that's going to create more opportunity in your life to practice being present. You can be present with the barista instead of when she says, hey, how's your day going? You go good, you tell her, actually, it's epic. I just finished a bootcamp in Las Vegas and I'm so excited for the transformation our clients had that I can't wait to drive home to LA and share it on my social media. That's a totally different response than, oh, my day's good, how's yours? And it creates moments with strangers for you to practice presence.