 The Jack Benny Program presented by Lucky Strike. Quality of product is essential to continuing success. Atadı.... Front Page News. The Krozly Pole, famous impartial research group, has just finished asking United States Government leaf tobacco graters. What cigarette do you smoke? More named Lucky Strike than any other brand. Yes? United States Government Tobacco Experts named Lucky Strike First Choice- Lucky Strike First Choice. This same impartial cross-leap poll also proves Lucky's first choice with independent tobacco buyers, auctioneers, and warehousemen. And when these tobacco experts choose Lucky's, then you know. L-S-M-F-T, L-S-M-F-T. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, and in a cigarette, it's the tobacco that counts. United States government tobacco experts name Lucky Strike first choice. Lucky Strike first choice. So for your own real deep-down smoking enjoyment, smoke the smoke tobacco expert smoke, Lucky Strike. So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. Broadcasting for the March of Dimes campaign in Denver, Colorado, the Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, the Sportsman's Quartet, and yours truly, Don Wilson. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you the star of our show. A man who is loved and admired by millions. Not only a good fellow, but a great artist. And here I am, Don Wilson. What's the idea of that introduction? I come all the way to Denver to do a show, and you introduce yourself as the star. Well, Jack Denver happens to be my hometown, and I didn't think you'd mind. I wouldn't mind. Don, if that ever happens again, you'll be back doing spot announcements on K-O-A. But, Don, I can understand your enthusiasm, this being your hometown. From what I've seen of it, you can be very proud. Oh, I'm glad you said that, Jack. I don't want to sound overly sentimental, but I love every square mile of Denver. Well, that says it should be, Don, because I'm sure Denver loves every square mile of you. So you're even. Oh, now there you go again, Jack, making jokes about my size. Now, you may not believe this, but when I was born, I was an incubator baby. Oh, I know, Don. Mayor Newton told me that in your honor, the city still has the incubator. It really has. Really? Jack, I didn't know that. I wonder if they'd let me take it back to California with me. I don't think so, Don. They're holding the rodeo in it now. Or rodeo, as they call it, in Anaheim, Azusa, and Coopamon. But, Don, isn't it wonderful to be broadcasting here from the city auditorium with an audience of 3,500 people? Yes, Jack, and for the March of Dimes, each of them contributed anywhere from $5,000 to $1,000 for a ticket to get in. Don, do you mean the people paid as much as $1,000 to get in here today? They certainly did. Gosh, if I'd have known that, I'd have raised the price of the popcorn in the lobby. I could have gotten $10 of popcorn. But anyway, oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. Say, Mary, isn't it a thrill being in Denver at this time? Oh, it's wonderful, Jack. And wasn't that a grand reception we got when we arrived in town? I'll say, but Mary, there's something I wanted to talk to you about. What's that? When we got off the train, just because I shook hands with the governor, you didn't have to kiss the mayor. You say? You say hello your way. I'll say hello mine. What's done is done. But remember, when we leave, things are going to be different. Do you understand? Okay, I'll shake hands with the governor and you kiss the mayor. I didn't mean that. Well, kidding aside, Jack, Mayor Newton is awful cute. And just think, being the mayor of a city the size of Denver and he's only 35 years old. 35? Don, is that how young Mayor Newton is? That's right, Jack, just 35. Gosh, I just, I don't believe I'm only three years older than him. Jack. What? We were talking about the mayor, not the governor. Oh, but I know who we're talking about. In fact, Don introduced me to both of them. You know Mary Denver is Don's hometown. Oh, I know it is, Jack, and I've written a poem in his honor. Well, that's sweet. Let's hear it. Okay. So, Don Wilson, our announcer, we love you all, yes, every pound, sir. Yeah. From the front or from the back? For rounds of firms, so fully packed. Very good, Mary, very good. Of course, I've had so much fun here in Denver, I think everything is good. I certainly had a thrill last night at the stock show when I auctioned off a prize steer. And, Mary, you wouldn't believe it, but that steer weighed 2,000 pounds. I never thought that, I never thought... Jack. What? How much did you say that steer weighed? 2,000 pounds. That's a lot of bull. That was pretty good, huh, Jack? How could you possibly pull such an old corny joke? That's a lot of bull. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Jack, is that an old joke? Oh, Mary, a long time ago when I was in vaudeville, I sent one of my old suits to a rescue mission, and that joke was in the pocket. Really? But, Jack, two weeks ago, I heard that same joke on Fred Allen's program. How do you like that? He's worn out the suit, but he's still using the joke. I was a little nervous there. You look cute, man. You know, well, I'm in a strange town. Now, Don, what I said still goes. I don't want any more of those corny... Okay, girls, throw away your last suits, and don't you miss, because who hope ties me first gets a great big kiss. Do you think of that introduction all by yourself? Well, I sure did, Jackson. My brain's really working, but I got to give Livy credit for it. She told me what to do. Mary, what did you tell him to do? I told him to squirt some oil in that hole in his head. Good, good. Well, Phil, now that all the parts in your head are moving again, tell me, have you been having a good time here in Denver? You know, there's so many places of interest. You're not kidding, Jackson. When I got off the train, the first thing I did was go straight to the library. Well, Phil, I... Wait a minute. You went to the library? What'd you take out? The librarian. Oh, here's two more jokes like that, and you'll have to have your oil changed. Don't change it. Just add a quart. If you're being in a library, it makes about as much sense as Maxie Rosenblum addressing Congress. Although, Phil, if you spent more time in the library, you might learn something. What are you talking about, Jackson? There are other ways to pick up an education. I've done a lot of traveling. I've been all over the country. I know planning. Oh, you do, eh? Well, then tell me, in what state is Pike's Peak? All right, all right. So you picked the one thing I don't know. I thought so. Phil, I'll make it simpler. What city is the capital of Colorado? Well, um... Look, look, look. In what state is Colorado Springs? Let him alone. Wait a minute, Mary. Watch this. Phil, how many pool rooms are there in Colorado? 297. He knows. Pennsylvania has 492. New York's got 2,053. North Dakota's got 165. West Virginia's got 233. We believe you. We believe you. We believe you. Now listen, Phil, closely, and I'll help you. I asked you what city is the capital of Colorado and you didn't know. Well, I'll give you a hint. The name of the city starts with a D and ends with an R. Pueblo? Phil, pick up your stick and lead the band. Okay, just kidding. Phil, no more music. We haven't got time. No more music. We haven't got to... We're running way over now. That was your guess is as good as mine, played by Phil Harris, and he makes you want to go to Leadville Orchestra. Now, wait a minute, Jackson, wait a minute. I wish you wouldn't make no cracks about the band. I went to a lot of trouble rounding up these musicians here in Colorado. I almost didn't have enough men. Really? Yeah, but luckily the governor pardoned six of them just for this program. Well, that was nice of the governor. Come in. Yes? Is this the Jack Benny program? Well, come right in. Gee, I'm glad to see you. Have a chair. I have a telegram for Jack Benny. Take it, Mary. Thank you, son. Phil, why'd you make such a fuss over the kid? He's only a messenger boy. I thought it was Mayor Newton. No, it couldn't be. This boy shaves already. Hey, Mary, who's the telegram from? Just a minute. I'll open it. Okay. Oh, Jack, look. It's from New York, from Fred Allen. Oh, fine. What does he say? Dear Jack, I hear that your show and the stock show are in Denver at the same time. There's a wind coming from the west that tells me the stock show is fighting a losing batch. A PS on a telegram? I saw pictures of you in the current issue of Liberty Magazine. To paraphrase Patrick Henry, don't give me liberty, give me death. I think he's so smart. Say, Jack, I saw those pictures in Liberty Magazine. I read the article, too. So did I, Jack. You know, I haven't seen it yet. Mary, do I look good in the picture? Oh, Jack, you look wonderful. Thank heaven. And Lady Esther. Come on, Jackson. Come on. Let's hurry up and finish this clam bake. I want to leave for home as soon as this show's over. Well, Phil, what's the big hurry? Are you kidding? While I'm here in Denver, Robert Taylor's going to be a guest star on my program back in Hollywood. Just think of it. Robert Taylor with Alice. Why, Phil? Don't tell me you're jealous. Certainly I'm jealous. Robert Taylor's a big husky guy with dimples in his cheeks, beautiful wavy hair, and a gorgeous smile. He's almost as pretty as I am. What? And if he can sing, that's what I like about the South. I'm dead. Oh, Phil, I wouldn't worry about Robert Taylor. He's a dope. He doesn't even know that Pueblo is the capital of Colorado. Well, if he thinks I'm going to tell him, he's crazy. Certainly. So believe me, Phil, you have nothing. Hey, what's that? It's an hapalon kitschel. Where? Mr. Kessler, what are you doing here in Denver? I came up to visit the stock show. Oh, you're interested in cattle? Yes. I always wanted to see what a salami looked like while it was still walking. Oh, oh. Well, Mr. Kessler, you certainly look like a regular cowboy. Yeah, you must have been riding a lot of horses. Who, me? I never ride horses. Then how come you're so bowling? My coat is too heavy. But, Mr. Kessler, you're not wearing a coat. I know. I left it down at the railroad station. Oh, is your coat checked? No, it's blue sewage. Mr. Bennett, that's a joke I heard on the radio program. I know. I know. It was on last Sunday's Lucky Strike program. You listened to it too? Yes, yes. Whenever I get a chance. Well, tell me, Mr. Kessler, do you like this part of the country? Oh, yes, I do. You know, I even own a big ranch here. 1700 acres. No kidding? Yes. And I'm protecting it all myself from cattle rustlers. All day long, I'm walking around carrying my trusty 88 revolver. 88? Don't you mean 44? Why be half safe? I see what you mean. Well, goodbye, partner. Reagan, I got to be running along. Goodbye, Mr. Kitzel. I got spills. That jingle, jingle. Every place he goes. Hey, Jackson, where's Dennis? Any time for the kid to do his song? Phil, if you'd come to rehearse, well, you'd know that Dennis couldn't be here. He had a bad cold for two weeks, and his doctor wouldn't let him travel. Gee, I wish he could have been here. He'd have gotten a big kick when I auctioned off that steer at the stock show last night. You should have seen it too, Phil. That steer weighed 2,000 pounds. That's a lot of bull. Now cut that out! I boiled down out for using that same old corny gag, and I don't want to hear it again. All right, Jackson, all right. Don't ball me out. I'm worried about Alice and Robert Taylor. That's why I'm so cognacicated. Phil, there's no such word as cognacitated. What's the difference? I pronounced it right. I'll go sit down. Say, Don, if Dennis isn't here, what are we going to do about a song? I've got that all fixed up, Jack. That's why I brought the quartet. They've prepared a beautiful vocal number. Oh, yes, yes. The sportsman, fellas. Do you really think it fits the occasion? Good, good. Let's hear it. Oh, give me a home Where the buffalo roam Where every boon and spear explain Here is that fine auction And they smoke lucky strike Oh, tell you, that's the only one He likes when they... Good, Don, very good. I didn't expect the boys to go into a commercial, but I forgive them from the bottom of my bread and butter. Now, kids, since this particular broadcast is so important, I do think we ought to... Excuse me. Come in. How do you do, Mr. Benny? Well, it's Governor Lee Nowes of Colorado. Governor, it certainly is an honor having you drop in on us. Well, thank you, Jack. I'm so glad you came to Denver and I hope you haven't minded the weather. It practically changes from one hour to the next. I know what you mean, Governor. Yesterday I saw a girl walking down the street, wearing a bare midriff and snowshoes. Oh, by the way, Governor, you remember Mary, you met her at the station. Oh, yes, how are you, Mary? Oh, hello, Governor. Do you mind if I ask you a personal question? Oh, not at all. Well, I've seen several pictures of you and in each one you were wearing a bow tie. And I noticed that you have on a bow tie again today. Do you always wear one? Yes, it facilitates matters when I appear before the state legislature. The bow tie? Yes, once you get them swooning and the rest is easy. I believe I understand. Governor, would you mind answering another question? Not at all, Mary. Well, I notice your hair is rather thin on top and you're gray around the temple. How old are you? 38. 38, but Governor, I'm 38. I thought we looked about the same age. Ladies and gentlemen, there would be a short pause while Jack Benny turns Republican. Mary, please. Hey, Jackson. Hey, introduce me. Introduce me. Oh, yes, yes. Governor, now, sir, this is Phil Harris. Hello, Mr. Harris. Didn't I see you in the library? Oh, yes, sir. Were you there too? Yes. I was trying to find a book that would translate the lyrics. Oh, that's what I like about the sound. Hey, hey, that Governor's a sharpie, isn't he? Yeah, you're not... You're not kidding, Phil. You should have heard the Governor last night. You know, Governor Niles gave a little talk at the stock show when I auctioned off the prize steer. You know, Governor, that steer weighed 2,000 pounds. Oh, that's a lot of bull. What a sense of humor. He's the Governor. What a terrific gag. Oh, Jack, I shouldn't have pulled such a corny joke. Corny? Governor, it was sensational. It was not only clever, but it had just the right touch of subtlety. Now, tell me, Governor, have you ever thought of doing any writing? No, Jack, I haven't. You'll see the affairs of state keep me quite busy. Most of my writing is confined to official correspondence and personal letters. Oh. Which reminds me, you didn't answer a letter I sent you two years ago. Yes, funny. I should remember receiving a letter from you. What was in it? I mean, how did it go? It started out, I can't stand Jack Benny because... Oh, the contest. Oh, the contest, of course. Oh, the contest. Well, I'm sorry that you didn't win the prize. Oh, that's all right, Jack. Because of that letter, I was elected Governor of Colorado. Oh, Don, Don, come here a minute. Yes, Jack. Governor, I want you to meet my announcer, Don Wilson. Oh, I know Don. He's one of our native tons. Oh, Governor. Governor, just a minute. Governor, look at the script. Look at that son. Oh, look at Wilson, and that's tongue. Oh, I get it. Hello, Don. Hello, Governor. Well, Governor, I'm awfully happy you dropped in. Is there anything you want me to do while I'm in Denver? Just mention it. Right there at the bottom of the page, Governor. It's all right. Well, Jack, there's one thing I'd really like to have you do. I'd be just as nervous if I was Governor. Please play your violin. What? I have to play his violin in front of all these people? Yes. Are you interested in being re-elected? Mary. Well, maybe you're right, Mary, but seriously, Jack, before I go, the citizens of Colorado would like to give you this citation as a token of their gratitude. It says in appreciation to Jack Benny for coming to Denver and launching the 1948 March of Dimes campaign. His presence has brought sunshine and joy to stricken faces, and he has accelerated the giving of many thousands of dollars in the never-ending fight against infantal paralysis. And Jack had gave me great personal pleasure to place my signature in the state seal on this citation. Well, thank you, Governor. Thank you very, very much. And if you will notice, Jack, there's a real dime on that citation. I noticed that right away. And Jack, you might be interested to know that this coin is the first one of a new series. If you look closely, you'll see how it differs from the other dimes. You'll see. Well, what do you know? E. Pluribus Benny. Well, thank you, Governor. It's been a great pleasure coming up to Colorado for this campaign. Say, Don... Yes, Jack? I want to tell you, I really got a thrill meeting the Governor, and I don't blame you for being proud of this wonderful state. This trip has been one of the most... Oh, there's the telephone. I'll get it. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny. This is Rochester. Oh, hello, Rochester. What did you call me for? Well, I'm over here in your suite at the Brown Palace Hotel, and I think you're in trouble. Why? What happened? The manager dropped in. The manager of the hotel? Uh-huh, and he got a little upset when he found you ran out your other twin bed. Oh. And he got kind of aggravated when he found you were doing laundry in the bathroom. Gee. And then he got an awful red in the face when he saw the slot machines you put in the hall. God. And when he found out you opened a coffee shop in the broom closet, he went all to pieces. Oh, that's awful. How are things in my living room? Not so good. One of the barbers just quit. We'll have one of my writers take over his chair. Yes, sir. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, say, boss. Now what? Can I have the night off, some friends here in Denver are giving me a birthday party? Wait a minute, Rochester. I thought your birthday was in April. That's in Los Angeles. In Chicago, my birthday's in June. I see, but your real birthday is today. Yes, sir. How old are you? 38. Rochester, you're 38? Yeah, ain't everybody. Yes, everybody but Al Joltson. He's 39. Rochester, you can go tonight, but I want you to be home early because... Oh, oh, oh. Hold it, boss. Hold it. What's the matter? The hotel manager just came back. He got into a fight with the man who ran into your extra bed, fell over a bundle of laundry in the bathroom, lost $2 in your slot machine, got indigested in your coffee shop, and one of your barbers sniffed off his ear. I better calm the manager down. Put him on the phone. Let me talk to him. Well, he finds the party he listens with. Oh, well, I'll remind him. I'll talk to him later. Goodbye. Goodbye. I better get to the hotel right away and straighten things out. Ladies and gentlemen, the nation's fight against infantile paralysis continues relentlessly. The March of Dimes has made this possible. The March of Dimes has made this possible. The March of Dimes has made this possible. The March of Dimes has made this possible. But your contributions must keep rolling in in order to continue the fight against polio. Please send your dimes and quarters to your local March of Dimes headquarters now. Join the March of Dimes. Thank you. Back, we'll be back in just a minute. But first, here's Basil Riesdale with Front Page News. United States government tobacco experts name Lucky Strike first choice. Lucky Strike first choice. In the nation's great tobacco markets, the independent crossley poll asked United States government leaf tobacco graders, what cigarette do you smoke? Moore said Lucky Strike than any other brand. Yes? United States government tobacco experts name Lucky Strike first choice. Lucky Strike first choice. And in the same impartial poll, independent tobacco experts name Lucky Strike first choice. Lucky Strike first choice. And in the same impartial poll independent tobacco buyers, auctioneers, and warehousemen again named Lucky Strike first choice. You've heard the poll results. Now listen to what veteran tobacco buyer Carl Hartfield said recently. Season after season, I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike by Fine Tobacco. Right prime leaf that's got real quality. I've smoked Lucky's 28 years. Friends went experts like independent tobacco buyers, auctioneers, and warehousemen and United States government leaf tobacco graders name Lucky Strike first choice for personal smoking enjoyment then you know. LSMFT, LSMFT. Lucky Strike means Fine Tobacco. So smoke the smoke, tobacco expert smoke, Lucky Strike. Ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank Governor Niles, Mayor Newton, and everybody in Denver for making our week here so enjoyable and inviting us here to help launch the March of Dimes campaign. They've done a wonderful job here in Denver. Tomorrow night we'll be saying hello to all my friends in Pueblo, Colorado to continue this worthy cause. Good night everybody. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.