 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com, and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, a man will only say, I'm not ready for a relationship when. All right, really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if anytime during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions. By no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian, so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations. So all I ask is you give me a little chance to see if this resonates with you. Okay, a man will only say I'm not ready for a relationship when, and I'll share with you a couple examples. So lately I've been thinking a lot about why does it seem like relationships don't just seem to get off the ground? Why don't they seem to get off the ground? And what I mean to say is people are dating, lots of people are dating every day of the week, people are going out on first, second, third, fourth dates and yet they're not going anywhere. Maybe they last a couple of dates, maybe it lasts a few weeks, maybe it lasts a few months but they never really get any traction. They don't seem to go anywhere. And I've been contemplating this a lot lately and we can have a lot of different reasons for this. We could certainly say there wasn't chemistry or there wasn't shared values or their lifestyles weren't lendable or there wasn't emotional maturity. Those are a lot of things I talk about. But I think one of the real challenges with dating today and let's just agree, dating is a mess out there. It's a mess out there. And what I mean to say is we're in a brand new age that just didn't exist before the last 20 years because of these things, because of our computers, because of our phones. We now have access to people that we would never have met in real life. We have access to people that we would never meet in real life. And one of the differences when we met people in real life, 60, 70, 80, 100 thousands of years ago is most likely they came from your tribe. They came from your village. They came for your town. They came from your workplace. And what I mean to say, there was almost no degrees of separation. I'm gonna repeat that. There were no degrees of separation. You at least knew somebody that knew them and they knew you. And, or you knew their family, or you knew their friends. So there was this sense of familiarity. There was this sense of potential camaraderie already built in. And yet these days we're meeting total strangers. We're meeting total strangers. So it's no wonder there's a dysfunctionality out there. Because what were we talking about growing up when we met strangers? Stranger danger, stranger danger, stranger danger. So there's always these walls up from men and women in the dating process. Number one. Number two, it used to be 60, 70, 80, 100 years ago that if you wanted to get laid, you had to get married. You had to make basically the ultimate commitment. If you wanted to have sex for the most part, people chose to get married. They made the ultimate commitment. And these days we don't have that going on. In fact, there's little of no commitment. In fact, it's oftentimes just a casual promise that you're gonna be exclusive or it's a casual promise that you're gonna be monogamous with one another. Think about that for a second. Because somebody say, oh, I'm monogamous, right? I'm monogamous. Well, certainly monogamy could, you know, certainly you could be dating someone, having sex with them, and then they could have sex with someone else and they could break up with you. They were still monogamous because they had sex with the other person before they came back to have sex with you. In other words, if they don't go back to have sex with you, they remain monogamous, okay? And I'm sorry that I'm laughing. I'm just laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. The ridiculous of it all. Because there really is barely any commitment with that either when people say they're gonna be exclusive monogamous because they can always change their mind like that. So why am I sharing this with you today? Because I see that the one of the big challenges with dating today is a lack of commitment to the process. A lack of commitment to the process. I recently shot a video where I encourage women to date only one man at a time. Now, I got a lot of flack from that, partially because the video should have said, well, I meant to say men and women alike. So let me clarify something. When I was talking to a woman, when I was talking to women about men, I should have also included, well, men need to be doing the same thing. So I'm a big proponent of dating only one person at a time. And what I mean to say is if two people are going to engage in getting to know one another, genuinely engage in getting to know one another, I think it's better served to focus your attention on one person. Now, I get a lot of flack because some people will say, well, if you could put your eggs in one basket, here's the problem. If you're spreading your eggs out, you may not really, the danger, first off, if you're doing it so you don't get attached to the wrong person, you're already behind the A fall. You shouldn't be dating. If you have a propensity to get attached to someone before you get to know them, then you shouldn't be dating anyway because dating multiple people will not cure that. I don't care what the book, the rule said, because that's a stupid idiotic book that's gameplay. Well, there's some value to it. So let me retract that. There is some empowerment value. I do appreciate in the book, but for the most part, it's recommending gameplay as a way to hook a man or trap a guy. Yes, that temporarily works in the short run, but it doesn't work in the long run. So let me come back to this dating one person at a time. I believe it's better served if humans make a commitment to the process of actually getting to know one another. The hard part is that we're meeting total strangers so we don't actually know how to get to know another human being. This is why I continually recommend this book of late. It's called Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell. And why I'm recommending this book is it says what to know about people you don't know. You know, I was reading one of my contemporaries. I had a blog about 36 questions or 30 questions to ask on a date. Like, where do you see yourself in five years? And, you know, things that were so esoteric, it was like, had no meat to it. If I'm gonna ask the serious questions, I'm like, are you currently in therapy? Have you ever seen a therapist? That tells me about the emotional stability of a person. I'm a big proponent of asking radically honest questions right from the get-go so you don't invest time with the wrong person instead of dating three people at the same time, okay? Which will, by the way, that will always backfire on guys and gals equally. I mean, yes, I'm sure it works out, you know, like a broken clock does. It's right twice a day, but 22 hours of the day ain't working. So I'm recognizing a lack of commitment to the process of getting to know one another. Number two, the other big issues why relationships don't take off is that there's not really a genuine care about the other human being. In other words, real trust. By the way, I did another video on trust and I was actually listening to a video from Teal Swan and she gave a great explanation for this. It was a short TikTok video, but in 60 seconds she basically said trust which we oftentimes think of in the area of fidelity but she says real trust is when your partner's feelings matter to you as much as it matters to them. Your partner's feelings matter as much to you as it matters to them and vice versa. So I want you to think about this. Humans will have sexual relationships with each other and yet there is absolutely no awareness of whether or not you can trust this person. I mean, think about that. People will have sex without STD tests. I think people will have sex without calling each other boyfriend and girlfriends. People will spend, will put their bodies in the line of fire which really, when I say line of fire I don't mean that you get hurt. I mean, you could get hurt. You can get an STD or something worse. But what I mean to say is when we put our bodies out there we are physically, we're emotionally attached when we are physically intimate with someone and women in particular get hyper attached to someone through the chemical release of oxytocin. So I'm here to say, I wouldn't, I want to encourage every, not that I'm suggesting wait to get married to have sex because you might wait years for that. What I mean to say is wouldn't it be better to engage sexually with someone if you know they genuinely care about your feelings? And I don't mean that romantic sense that men are chivalrous and they come on strong and they lead the dating process because they're gonna claim you. Well, a guy can't claim a total stranger. It takes time to get to know one another. This is why ladies, you know my rhetoric before the penis goes inside the vagina, purchase two copies of the book, eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gotten. This is the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. This is the mechanics, this teaches, this helps you ask the right questions to determine if it makes sense making a commitment to getting to know one another. And by the way, folks, listen, men are fucking clueless, they're winging it. Most men have no awareness around this. Most human beings have no awareness around this. These books are only purchased by maybe 3% of the population in the United States. This book has, by the way, I'd be shocked if, let's see, if the United States is 300 million people plus. That would mean nine million people have read this book and I don't think it's that many, okay? But let's give it the benefit of the doubt. That means 297 million people have no awareness around the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. Now, wait a minute. I'm being a little bit inaccurate there, but that's just my perception of things. And that's because the vast majority of people are absolutely dysfunctional in their relationship skills and they have no understanding of the mechanics of relationship and they're dysfunctional. So no wonder it's a cluster fuck out there. So what's gonna change all this and I'll get to the reasons why men say I'm not ready for a relationship in just a second. I'm gonna give you three or four examples. What's gonna change all this? Awareness, awareness first, the awareness of oneself, the awareness oneself. This is why I wrote my book, What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway? What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway? It's a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work so you can actually start shifting the narrative for yourself. By the way, there's a link in the description below for all the books I recommend. Number two is the awareness that chemistry does not equal relationship success. If you've ever seen my relationship iceberg, right there, the tip of the iceberg is chemistry. That's where attraction comes in. Compatibility is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. That's where compatibility comes in. But you're not thinking about this. Jonathan, I just wanna sit back in my feminine energy and be claimed by a guy. By the way, my copy mug, if you guys know what have you beautiful followers out there created this for me? But the mug says right here on this side, it says ladies before the penis goes inside the vagina purchase the book eight dates. But Jonathan, if I sit back in my feminine energy, I'll be claimed. Isn't that sweet that she created this for me and there's my book and there's salty right there, salty. So it's time to become aware of the mechanics to a relationship before you enter into the dating process. And if you wanna improve your dating life instantaneously, I highly recommend reading the book. This book throws out all the bullshit gender rhetoric and helps you date from a heart center place. Check out the book if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated. I love this book. I love this book. So why do guys say they're not ready for a relationship? Well, let's just dive into it. So I have my trusting notes here. Bum, bum, bum. So number one, it's the obvious one. He's just not that into you. I mean, the bottom line is this, the chemical reaction to want to physically mate with someone is so incredibly strong for us men that we have a capacity of saying almost anything just to get laid. I'm not saying all men. I'm not saying most men. I'm just saying a high percentage of men will say almost about anything to get laid. It just happens to be a fact, okay? And so after we have sex with someone, that what happens is when we have sex, there's a chemical released in our brain, dopamine, you know, predominantly dopamine, testosterone, that chemical cocktail that makes us feel good. And the minute we ejaculate, all those chemicals disappear. It's like our testosterone levels drop dramatically and that dopamine is gone. And all of a sudden we're going, why don't I like this person anymore? I mean, literally we, it's an unconscious thought. It's not conscious, it's an unconscious thought. Why don't I like this person anymore? It's, by the way, most men don't understand this. I didn't understand this at first. I was completely unaware of this until I studied this. So number one, when those chemicals are not there, all of a sudden we're like, why don't I like this person? We've got to run away, run away, run away. And this is one of the reasons why we just might not be into you is because the roots of trust weren't established. The roots of trust weren't established. That's why I recommend the book Eight Dates, okay? So he's, and by the way, he may not be, by the way, he might break up after a few months because at the end of the day, he just may, you may be, by the way, you might be a fucking nightmare to him. By the way, I throw men under the bus all the time. Guys can be jackasses and clueless. And you ladies can be just as dysfunctional as men. You guys aren't no picnic either. Let me say I'm an equal opportunity judge. I judge men and women equally. I've gotten some complaints on my channel that I'm only, it seems like I'm pandering to men. No, you ladies can be just as that shit crazy. And that's one of the reasons why we break up with you because we're just not that into you anymore. You're not fun to be with. And it's not about fun. You just might be, you might have your emotional issues that make it difficult for us to connect with you. So that's number one. Number two, he's going through chaos in his life. He's going through chaos. This is the most common reason. People don't know how to navigate relationships these days when they're going through emotional chaos. And by the way, most everybody is going through some chaos right now in their life, whether it's their personal life or whether it's their, maybe they're going through a nasty divorce. Maybe they have a nasty ex. And by the way, they contributed to the problem too. Maybe they've got health issues. Maybe they got issues going on at work. Maybe they got issues with their kids. Their life is such a mess that they can't, if the foundation underneath them doesn't feel solid. So that's one of the primary reasons why, humans want connection with one another, but to actually go to those deeper levels of relationship of commitment requires building trust. Building trust. Number three, he's still hung up on someone else, but he won't admit it to himself. In other words, he's got unresolved past relationship issues. This is also a common thing that happens as we age and we have multiple relationships in our lives. Many people don't end the chapter of a past relationship. And what I mean by end of chapter, I mean resolve and heal it for one themselves. So it makes it difficult to lean into a new relationship. That's one of the reasons why I'm not a big fan of multiple dating, you know, you get attached and then they end up with, you know, you're dating multiple people, they're dating multiple people, and it's hard to really get two people together if you're dating multiple people. And number three, that was number three. I called the next one three A. He's emotionally constipated. He's avoidant or he's fearful of love. He's emotionally constipated. He's avoidant or fearful of love. These are people who genuinely want a relationship. They genuinely want a relationship. In fact, avoidant attachment styles desperately want a relationship. They don't trust love. This is why it's also known as fearful avoidant. They just don't trust love or their emotional constipation is because they don't trust love. And this is the hardest of all guys because these are the ones who want relationships. They get close and then they pull away. They get close and they pull away. And what I mean by pull away, they don't pull away completely, they pull away emotionally. This is the guy who needs personal development, self-help and spiritual work. You know, a few minutes before I got signed on to the broadcast today, I got to speak to a dear friend of mine. And she's married. In fact, she went through my coaching program and she's now happily married. And we talk on a regular basis. And her husband, who's in his 70s, is about to go to the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. I talk about this book frequently. It's a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas. And he's actually going to the eight day event. I, in fact, I'm sponsoring one of his days there as from all of the super stickers and super chats you've given me that goes to a scholarship fund to help defray of cost of personal development for people. I'm just making a small donation of $100. But what I'm here to say is, he's going to do the work to improve himself. He wants to be better than where he is today. He wants to continually improve and grow. People who are introspective, who want to heal, being emotionally constipated, avoid and are fearful love are going to require to do some heavy lifting. And just like my friend, Alan, who's going to do this, I'm encouraging everyone to do this work for themselves. Because when you walk away from that, you walk away being wrapped in a blanket of self love. It's an amazing experience. I did it four years ago. And I can't tell you how much it changed my life. It actually helped prepare me for what I'm doing today. So again, I definitely check out the Hoffman process. So those avoidant personalities, avoidant attachment styles, believe it or not, they genuinely want love, but they get scared. And then they say, I don't want a relationship, but they really do want a relationship. So my hope is those individuals go out and seek work. So what's the benefit of knowing all this? Folks, here's the bottom line. This isn't about getting a relationship. My channel isn't about you getting, finding the love of your life. My channel is all about you finding the love of your life by looking in the mirror, because that's where the love of your life resides. As Esther Perel says, the quality of your life depends on the quality of your relationships. And it starts with the relationship with self. So you can throw out all the rhetoric I just shared today and focus on one thing, work on oneself. Because when you become the best version of yourself, you become a magnetic attractor for someone similar to you. And that's where you can build a relationship with someone because these days it takes a commitment to the process. And I'm here to say, be fucking radically honest, right from the get-go. Interview someone, interrogate them on the telephone before you meet them to see if you share the same values, if your lifestyles are compatible and ask some really good questions to determine if this person is emotionally healthy because most human beings are fucking dysfunctional. And that's why it's a mess out there. All right, I hope I answered the question of why a man, a man will only say I'm not ready for a relationship when these things happen. So I think this will be a great place to stop for right now and begin our Q&A. So if you're familiar with my format, if you have a question for me, post the word question and then write the question thereafter or purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All of them, there's a little dollar sign in the chat box. There are all the monies in the Super Sticker Super Chat that goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there. That's in with his brother, Kyle, right there. Connor's my son who passed away a few years ago. And in his honor, I've started a scholarship fund to defray the cost of personal development for those who are seeking personal development work and also to donate to the charities like the Hoffman Process or Insight seminars. So you can use the Super Sticker Super Chat button. And if you're listening to the audio replay, you won't be able to see any of this. Let's go swimming and let's see who we have brought up questions today. All right, let's go swimming here. If you have a question for me, post the word question. Oh, I wanna thank Julia for the Super Sticker. Thank you for the $3, Julia, I really appreciate it. Jenny P. RN says, emotional constipation, ladies, bring laxatives on your date, that is funny. Thank you for that. Katherine said, I didn't bring my fairy godmother wand today, which I bought at Disneyland, so my odds are as good as usual. I don't get that one, but I appreciate it. All right, if you have a question for me, Maria, oh, that's very sweet of you. Oh, a lot handsome, enjoying your wisdom. Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that. All right, let's see if we have a question. Oh, here we go. Jan says, thank you, Jonathan, so true what you have restated. Thank you so much, I appreciate that. All right, question. My current person I met recently says he wants a relationship. I think he's one of your afraid people. I say, sure, let's plan something and then nothing. What should I do? All right, so folks, listen, this is one of the big challenges with dating today. When someone says, I want a relationship. Well, what the fuck does that mean? I want a relationship, does that mean you wanna, like my idea for a relationship is where we spend three or four days and nights a week together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork building skills, both in our personal or professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy, that leads to either moving in together or getting married. What's your definition of relationship? Oh, I just wanna see you at my beck and call. Like ladies, the word relationship can mean so many, by the way, I've talked to women that they're only capable of one day every other week for a relationship. Well, that doesn't fit into my design of ideal relationship. So first, find out what relationship means to them, okay? So you have a really all, when someone says I want a relationship, I fucking have a relationship with the grocery store clerk. I have a relationship with the vendor, my complex here. I have a relationship with the mailman. What is that? Those are all relationships. We have relationships with each other. Romantic relationships. Ask what this commitment look like for you. Stop being so passive in this. This is one of the reasons why I created my private coaching program. By the way, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me. My whole coaching is centered around teaching you how to ask the right questions based on your personality so you don't waste time with the look you lose. You know, there's always an old saying, buyers are liars. And I think today, people on dating apps, men and women alike, they're lying to themselves. They desperately want connection, but they're not capable of being in a relationship. So this requires asking some better questions because guess what happens? You scare the wrong person away. That's right, you scare the wrong person away. The right person will lean in. By the way, I mentioned before the book Eight Dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. I have so many women emailing me now that they've purchased this book or two copies. They're giving it to the guy that they're dating or in relationship with and they're loving it. They're actually becoming, they're getting to know each other at an intimate level. Into me you see, intimacy. And so in the case of your question, you know, you're, I'm sorry, going back to your question. My current person, I recently says, he wants a relationship. I think he's one of those afraid people. I say, sure, let's plan something. Well, it doesn't sound like you have a relationship with them, but here's the thing. How you, by the way, it takes about 100 hours of face-to-face time just to get to level one of trust. How is that gonna happen? Men bond through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends. That's how we bond through the doing of shit together. But most people are these days, hey, let's just Netflix and chill, which is okay. It's good to Netflix and chill, but also, but you know, a lot of people are Netflix and chill. They're in their, in each other's homes, watching their own television. They're not doing it together. You need that 100 hours of face-to-face time just to build the first layer of trust. So I just vomited a lot of shit. I think you get a gist of where I'm going. So what to do, what should you do? Hey, call him and ask him out on a date. Go ask him out for a walk. Ask him to take him to the park. You initiate and see what he does next. That's what I want you to do and then report back to me. All right, Susan, thank you so much for that question. Hey, I want to thank Jenny for the Super Sticker. I really appreciate it, $50, very sweet. And thank you for, by the way, everyone, Jenny P was the one who created this for me. So thank you. What a sweet RM. Oh, all right, just want to give you your props. Thank you for that. All right, let's see what else we have here. Let's go swim in. Sandra says, do we cut them slack if they are Asperger's and don't know it? Well, I guess my question is, how do you know that they're Asperger's? I mean, by the way, I'm sorry, Sandra, let me go back. Let me just say this. I cannot stand when everybody gets diagnosed a narcissist when it's never been diagnosed by the, the person hasn't been diagnosed by a doctor, okay? But we all throw out the label of narcissist. So are there people socially awkward that are Asperger's? Absolutely, absolutely. But do we have the professional capacity to evaluate that? I don't think I have that professional capacity. So coming back to your questions, do we cut them slack? You know, people that have a personality disorder, I don't know if Asperger's is technically a personality disorder. Please forgive me, I'm not up to date on my DSM. Is that, I think, rather than cutting slack, I'd rather you practice better communication skills with one another because every relationship needs to be cut slack, every relationship. You know the definition of compromise? The definition of compromise is trade off. You're gonna trade this for that, okay? We all have to make compromises in every relationship. So we might trade the person snores. I mean, it's gonna set using snoring or let's do something else. They don't clean up after themselves. Maybe they're messy people, but the person's emotionally available. Your lifestyles are blendable. You share the same values. You fuck each other brains out like rabbits and it's the best sex you have, but he doesn't clean up after himself. You know what? Maybe you can hire a maid to do the cleaning up. You can resolve problems, but you're gonna have to recognize that there is no such thing as perfect. So now, if it's detrimental to the relationship, I would certainly have a chat with that person and try to work solutions to what problems you might be experiencing. But at the end of the day, relationships are all about compromise. And by the way, I think we should always be cutting people slack. I mean, if you don't have to call a doctor, a policeman or an attorney, every relationship needs a little bit of slack. However, every relationship needs a commitment to the process and every relationship needs trust. And I don't mean fidelity. I mean, your feelings matter to me as much as, your feelings matter to me as much as they matter to you and vice versa. That's what you should be achieved. The goal should be to get to that level and that's my invitation for everyone. So, Sandra, thank you so much for your question. I really appreciate that. All right. Teresa says, when a man says he loves you, does that mean he would like to embark on a relationship? You know, it's interesting. When we're having sex with people, it's interesting. I've heard many men use the same phrase. I'll get to the love piece. I'm using this as the example. That there's something almost euphoric and safe when you have sex with someone. It's almost like coming home. It's like a safe nest when we're intimate with someone. And we can feel a tremendous amount of love in the moment. What I think we're experiencing that moment is spiritual love because real love is, in my opinion, real love is not appreciating the good in the person. Real love is I'm gonna wipe the vomit off your face when you're going through chemotherapy. That to me is real love. I'm gonna be there for you by your side. My definition, when I say I love you next, I mean, from outside of the bedroom, I hope it means this. I'm here. You matter. We are important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere and I only want you. I'm here, meaning I'm present. I'm present. You matter. That's saying that your feelings matter to me. We are important. That means our relationship is a separate entity that's just as important as I am important in my life. I'm here, you matter, we're important. I've got your back. That's what I've been talking about this whole time. You know you can count on a person. I'm not going anywhere. That means I'm fully committed to this relationship and I only want you. It means I only wanna fuck your brains out. I don't wanna sleep with other women or men. And I'm hopeful that that's when you reach that level, that's when you say I love you too, each other to each other. Yet sadly, we oftentimes use the word love when we're feeling either lust or limerence. And limerence is just infatuation. This is why this whole fucking notion of love at first sight. You know, I shot my weekend video already. And by the way, folks, I curse in my live stream videos and I'm PG in my weekend videos. It's just my style. I'm not always fucking running at the mouth cursing all day long. I just like to use them as exclamation points as I said, but I was watching the movie Pride and Prejudice the other night. And it just so fascinates me. Like Darcy and, oh I can't remember her name now, Kira Knightley. You know, they probably before he professed his love to her that he wanted to marry her before they got into their one of their first or second fight, he probably only spoke to her a total of 50 words. He spoke to her a total of 50 words and all of a sudden he's madly in love with her. You know, that's asinine, at least in today's world. Back then, that used to be the case because chemistry was again, coming back to my relationship iceberg, most people believe chemistry equal relationship success. Real relationship success comes from shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. Coming back to my relationships iceberg, compatibility is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. A lot of times the word love is because you're just amped up on chemistry and real love happens in my mind when you know that person's gonna be there for you, when you're going through chemotherapy and they're wiping the vomit from your face. So that's my perception around that. And Michelle, thank you, or Theresa, thank you so much for that question. I hope I helped answer that. So, all right, we're gonna take one more question. Heather writes, question, I keep advising a friend to get her shit together before dating or she'll keep attracting the rescuer type of guy who will leave once you get it together. Am I right? Well, we all, okay, so my response to this is we all have a level of dysfunctionality and relationships are a great way to heal on note, okay? It depends on how much your ship is out of order. If you don't have a job, if you're going through a divorce, if you've got some real clinical physical issues it may not be the right time to go through, go through, did I say divorce? Getting to know someone, or someone's going through a divorce. In other words, I got, oh, I just did my own squirrel, I lost my train of thought, but what I mean to say is this, let me read the question one more time so I can get my bearings straight here, please forgive me, shit together. You know, I, shortly after Connor passed away, my son passed away, I met a woman who also lost a son, his name is Connor, same age, and she had just dated, she just started dating a guy. So imagine this, she's one month into a relationship and her life turned into a shit show. I don't say that insensitively, I just mean her emotional state of being was in chaos, but it was situational, and that man stood by her side the whole time they just started dating, and eight months after this, or no, excuse me, a year later, he asked her to marry him. He asked her to marry him. So if the person's life is a shit show, it's a situational thing, I don't think that's a big deal. Even the loss of a child, and when I say situational, that could actually, that could turn someone into a major depressive mode. So I mean, but if someone's life is in chaos, in constant chaos, it makes it very difficult to build the foundation to build a healthy, happy relationship. So what I mean to say is this, you have to look at the totality of a person's life, if it's situational, and I only use that example because that could have went down the rabbit hole of absolute dysfunctionality, and yet she was just like myself, and she and I have had several chats. She was able to accept the loss with love, and that's why her life didn't turn into a shit show of depression, which by the way, it would be natural for that to happen. People who are depressed, people who have lost their jobs, people who are going through contentious divorces, all those things, makes it difficult for them to build the foundation to build a healthy, happy relationship. So I would look at that answer, is it situational or is it their life? And believe me, it's not fun to date someone who's in their shit show. So Heather, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right, let's take Kara's question. My current situation has an 11-year-old daughter. Current situation, funny that she uses the word situation, has an 11-year-old daughter, she doesn't want him dating, seven months in, and he doesn't tell her he is dating. Recently admitted he's not ready, please advise. This is a common tale, how children get in the way of connecting with someone. This is why it's very important that people that have younger children at the home or even teenage children, I believe should be transparent with their children because especially a man to a daughter and a woman to a son, this can be very problematic because women oftentimes attach themselves to their son as the primary man in their life and men allow daughters to wrap them around their finger and they can absolutely, what's the term, cock block a relationship? I, anyone who's, if you're currently dating someone with young children, it's imperative that that person is upfront with their children because all of this deception rules will turn into shit shows like what we just heard. And then they pull this, well, I'm not ready for a relationship. No, you're not, you're not being, you don't have the balls to stand up to your children. Your children should not be dictating your life. We live in a world where children have way more power than ever before. I gotta tell you, there's a picture of my mom and dad. Okay, I grew up tail end of the baby boom generation. Okay, I grew up where my dad beat the shit out of me. My mom spanked me. I was in fear of my parents. Not that that's a great place to be either but you didn't give them lip and you certainly had no right to tell them what to do in their life. These days, fucking children walk all over their parents. It is just amazing how parents have become so passive because, now mind you, we don't, corporal punishment isn't allowed anymore. We're not allowed, it's certainly frowned upon whereas in that generation, believe me, every guy I knew had the shit kicked out of them by their father more than once and I'm sure daughters had their own fair share too. Okay, with that said, coming back to this, I'm sorry, I don't have a really good answer. That's not my area of expertise. All I can just say is I would encourage him to be transparent but chances are you're already behind the eight ball on this one because if the daughter doesn't like you, the man is gonna acquiesce because he's a fucking pussy. I'm sorry, that's how I feel. That's not right, that's judgmental. I apologize if I've offended anyone. That's just how I feel. All right, I wanna thank you for that question. We're gonna take this last question which is a super sticker. In fact, maybe that's easier for me to find or is it? Okay, Michelle's super sticker here. Thank you so much for the $10. How do I get him to say I love you? It's been two years and it's very consistent. It's very consistent, he shows by my actions. Well, have you said I love you to him? So first off, you can't force anyone to say I love you. What you can do is start to have deeper conversations about where the fuck is this relationship going? And I would bring up the words I love you. In other words, can we have a conversation? I just bring it up as a conversation. Folks, most human beings have terrible emotional IQ and most human beings don't understand emotional intimacy. You know what, buy two copies of this book and start reading it together. Buy the book, Making Love All the Time by Barbara DeAngels and start reading this together. Do you know why people go to church on Sundays? Is to get their spiritual fulfillment. Well, guess what? I'm inviting everybody in relationship to start doing church with their boyfriend or girlfriends by reading these books that I recommend. Read this book, Spiritual Partnership by Gary Zukov, read this book. Start saying, look, we're gonna do church on Sundays and then we get to fuck, okay? So here's the deal. We're gonna read this book in the morning, we're gonna have a cup of coffee, we're gonna talk about and then we're gonna go to the bedroom and fuck our brains out. Game? Folks, it's time to stop being passive in your life. Don't expect men to know what they're doing because most men are winging it, winging it, winging it. Start taking charge of your relationship, Destiny, by inviting these books I recommend because folks, being a passive participant in this process is why it's a fucking shit show. Ladies, you're just as bad at this as men. And so I'm inviting you all to take charge of your relationship, Destiny, by inviting these books into your relationships and having conversations about it. And guess what? The fun part is after you've had your coffee and you read it together, you get to fuck. All right, that's my invitation anyway. All right, I think I've pontificated enough for now. All right, let me scroll through here. Thank you again, Michelle, for your question. I really appreciate it. I wanna thank Heather for the $5 Super Sticker. Where is that? Heather, thank you so much for the Super Sticker. All this money goes to the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund. I really appreciate it. Sandra says, yep, mine was a pussy. Told his daughter was manipulating him and he was appalled, I'd say. But then two minutes later, he said, she's a manipulator in his own context. I don't get that, but thank you so much for that one. All right, folks. I think this will be a great... Oh, Mel says, win-win on your version of church. Isn't that a much better version of church? You spend, first off, every Sunday, get together, read one of these, spend one hour reading a book, listening to a video, watching one of my videos, talking about it, and then fucking. I'm sorry, that just seems like a much better Sunday than, how's your day going? I hope you had a good day. Did you have a good day? By the way, I hope you had a good day. That's where most relationships are, very surface level. Let's start digging deeper, going beyond the surface. That's my invitation for everyone. Can I get an amen? All right. Robin says, thanks, this was awesome. I appreciate it. Maria's got laughed and going. Sherry says, love that Sunday idea. Yeah, I love it too. I wanna go to church right now. Theresa says, I think my friend will come to church. There you go. MD says, you rock. Thank you so much. All right, folks. Well, this would be a great place to wrap up today. If you found value in my work, check out the description below to the links to my, to schedule a coaching call with me to join my group called Midlife Love Mastery to get all the books I recommend or follow me on Instagram. There's a link below. As always, if you find value, please refer my channel to your friends, share this video, hit that like button before we wrap up today. And I'm gonna sign up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Barrow of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Angel and Glenn and Sandra and Michelle and Heather and Liana and Teresa. MD, Sandra, Ellie, Sherry, I don't know. Robin, Maria, Sandra, Mel, I'm repeating names. Thank you all so much. Wishing you a super duper wonderful evening. Bye-bye now. Bye now. Bye. Renee says thank you. Thank you everyone, I appreciate it.