 Taking away the narcissist's fuel. This is something that every victim of narcissistic abuse needs to learn how to do. Because these narcissists are going crazy out there these days. They're running wild. They're behaving in inappropriate ways. Treating people disrespectfully. And it's not okay. If you confront the narcissist, they will find a way to shift it onto you. They will find a way to blame you for it. So what we need to learn to do is to ignore it the same way that they would throw shade on anything that you do. Minimize any good that you do and exaggerate anything that isn't even that bad. Do the same thing to them. And then you will take away the narcissist's fuel. You have to take your attention away from them. Minimize their accomplishments. Just like they do to you. Do the same to them. Because I can guarantee that whatever they're doing to you, it's because at some point someone did it to them. And they didn't like the effects that it had on them. So everything they're doing to you, they're giving you a roadmap of what they don't want you to do to them. You just have to take your attention away from these types of people. Stop being their audience. If you treat a narcissist like a king or a queen, they will treat you like their servant. If you treat them like a celebrity, they will treat you like their fan. They're not going to have any respect for you. They're going to see it as though you exist to serve them. And that's never going to change unless you take your attention away from them. Then they will know that you are not to be messed with. You have to stop validating the illusion. Stop propping up their false self. You have to learn to just not ignore them so much. We don't want to manipulate people. That's what they do. But we're doing it has to be natural. Realize that the narcissist is not that important. They made your world small. They made you feel like it's just you and them in this little bubble. And that's all there is. But there is so much more to this world than just you and the narcissist. They're really not that important. They're really not that significant to you as you might think. You don't really need them. Just think about what has the narcissist ever done for you? What have they ever given to you? I'm sure that nine times out of 10, if not all of the time, it's always you doing and giving to them because they need you more than you need them. So realize that they're not that important. They're not that significant. They're not even real. They are fake people who just give you this facade that there's so much more than what they actually are. But they never actually do anything to live up to this false narrative that they've created and portrayed to you. Remember all of the things that you liked and were interested in before you met the narcissist. Remember all of the things that you were passionate about. What happened to that? What happened to all of those things that you would used to enjoy doing? I'd bet you're not doing most of those things anymore. Now your life just revolves around pleasing this unpleasable person who really doesn't have your best interests in mind. And yet, you focus so much of your attention on them. But what you really need to do is get back to those interests. Get back to those passions because the narcissist already knows that at any time that you focus on those things, they can feel you slipping away because your passions are what heals you from this. It's what reminds you of who you are, but the narcissist doesn't like it when you bring those passions and interests from the past and then you try to get back to them again. They don't like that because it reminds them that you had a life before you met them and you're going to have a life after they're gone. When you realise that they're really not that important and when you do that, you will take away the narcissist's fuel. The narcissist's fuel is from your attention, validation and admiration. And it's when you agree with them, you don't confront them, you don't question them. They love that. They make it easy for them. But also they will try to extract negative attention. They will insult you and put you down. They'll try to make you feel small because that makes them feel better about themselves. But you have to learn to observe and not absorb. Respond and not react. Because again, when you do that, you are taking the narcissist's fuel away. Any reaction is fuel to a narcissist. It tells them that they still exist. It makes them feel alive. So just cut off any emotional responses or reactions to the narcissist. Practice the grey rock. Be dull, boring and uninteresting. Now, of course, the narcissist is going to know. They're going to sense it when you pull your attention away. And yes, they will get very angry. It will cause a narcissistic injury. But what I'm saying here, it's not to help the narcissist. This is to help you. This is to protect you, to protect your mental and emotional well-being. It's to preserve you because as many of you may know already, you cannot be yourself. Around the narcissist, you can be anything but yourself because they will accept anything other than you which gradually changes you. It erases you at a core level and then builds something that is from the narcissist to their liking which in some cases can be something that has positive qualities like any narcissistic family that could be the golden child. But most often, especially in relationships, it's just all bad. It doesn't produce anything good. It brings out the worst in you. Which is why time goes by and you may no longer recognize yourself. You may no longer recognize what you've become but you can get back to who you were. You can become a better version of the person that you used to be because if you got involved with a narcissist, there must have been something wrong. There must have been something that was not right because you have to think what were you doing being involved with a narcissist in the first place? It was also a choice that we made. Why did we make that choice to be involved with them? And that's why we do have to look at ourselves as well. We have to examine our own wiring because I think we can all agree that if someone chooses to be with a narcissist, that is not right. Something is wrong there and that's not to say that you're to blame for everything. Of course not. The narcissist knew exactly what they were doing. Their predators, they know who is going to be susceptible. It's like as soon as they meet you, they already know everything you've been through and they want to know just so they can put you through it all over again. But yeah, this is how you take away the narcissist's fuel. This is how you do it. By taking away your attention and admiration, going grey rock, not giving them emotional responses or reactions, observe, don't absorb, respond, don't react and realise that they're not that important. They're not that significant. They need you more than you need them. And remember the things that you were interested in, the things that you were passionate about. I'd bet that you had a lot of things going on before you met the narcissist. I'm sure you were a lot happier with your life. There were more meaningful things that you were doing, things that you were really passionate about. But once you've been with a narcissist, after some time, your life just seems so empty and meaningless. It's like you wake up in the morning and it's just like, why? What's the point? There's just no fulfilment in a life with a narcissist. Because the narcissist teaches us to look outside of ourselves for the happiness, that fulfilment, that sense of validation, but to take away the narcissist's fuel. You have to realise that that was inside of you the entire time. You had it all along. You just have to get back to doing you. You have to remind yourself of who you are. Sometimes it can help to just watch old movies and songs, things you watched or listened to before you met the narcissist. Just to remind yourself of the person that you used to be. Because I think we can all admit that when we've been involved with narcissists, it changes us. You're no longer that calm, cool, collected person that you once were. But that doesn't mean that you can't be that again. You can. And as many of you may know, I am available for one-on-one coaching sessions where we can work through this at a deeper level together. We can talk about taking the narcissist's fuel away and other things as well. So if that interests you, please head to my website. It's narcsurvivor.co.uk. And also, there is a new course that's available now as well, which it will help you to understand more about your relationship with the narcissist and why they targeted you. And also, it will help you to heal from narcissistic abuse as well. So definitely check out this new course. It's available below in the video description. I'd just like to thank you all for joining me tonight. I look forward to talking with you in another video very soon.