 finding happiness in hard times. My name is Ken Burtness and I'm coming to you from Haleva out at the North Shore and today is our first program of 2024. A momentous occasion to celebrate and to do that we've got a very special program for you that sort of really fits in in my way of thinking and it's called the magic of birth and the joy of parenthood. I mean you look at new years and new years there's always a baby springing on to the screen and looking forward to everything that's going to happen in this year and I have a very special person here with me. Her name is Brandi Wilson. She's a software engineer out at Seattle Washington but born and raised here in Hawaii. Welcome to the show Brandi. As good to be here. Thank you uncle Burt. Brandi is expecting in the spring first time mother a joyful thing that's about to happen and she and I are going to talk about that today and pass on some feelings and thoughts to everybody in the audience and I'm certainly looking forward to that. Now one of the things that happens at least happened to me with my child when she showed up one day was all the things that I had been anticipating for a long time and all of a sudden they're there and the things that I was looking forward to came true all in a rush and Brandi maybe that's a good place to start what you are looking forward to most of all in this springtime birth. I feel like you put it very well feels like for so long I was waiting and trying for pregnancy and just the possibility of having a child and now it just feels like everything's suddenly almost here and I'm maybe freaking out a little bit so but yeah what am I looking forward to like sounds stupid but like just like baby smiles like I'm just I'm really eager to to see my baby and just sort of see what kind of person they're going to be and even just like them as like an infant and a toddler and and see like do they cry a lot do they laugh a lot like what kind of what kind of baby is this going to be it's just kicking around my stomach and I'm just like oh you're you're you seem like an active one but we'll see how how you come out so that is definitely I think sort of the immediate what I'm looking forward to kind of in the long term I'm definitely looking forward to um seeing how they grow and and seeing sort of what kind of person they become and that's sort of that's a little ways off but um yeah just kind of seeing what who this who this person is yeah and the thing is it happens quickly you just turn around and all of a sudden there four uh eight uh they're a teenager and uh of course sometimes it goes by slowly as well that's one of the things that I want to mention at the very beginning of the show is that parenthood like every wondrous thing that happens to us in life is uh has its difficulties as well as its joys uh but since our program is finding happiness uh in hard times we're going to stick to the very positive things uh because there's so much joy uh coming up and uh for one I know brandy very well and I know that whatever comes up on the negative side she can deal with I have all the faith in this uh this lady who sits across from me on the tv screen and so that's what we're going to do we're going to focus on the uh the very uh positive things that I look at you we're looking forward to so um so I guess maybe a good place to start is fun you know uh in addition to what you're looking forward to what what fun moments are coming up for you and your child yeah I don't know about the like immediate like I feel like immediate is definitely going to be feed the baby and let it sleep burp the baby like change its diver and stuff but besides that um I think I'm I'm really looking forward to seeing like I had mentioned seeing their personality and seeing them grow and seeing what kind of person they're going to be but like related to that um like just all the experiences that come with being a child um I really fond memories of just various little like all the little details of just random moments when you're a kid like we just had the holidays and uh it was nice to sort of drive around and see lights like all these people who have decorated their houses with lights and whatnot and that was something I remember like with my parents them driving us around um my home of Waimanalo and Kailua like just going around and seeing all the lights that people have put up um for Christmas and just the wonder of like oh look at the lights it's so cool um and it's just like little moments like that where I I'm looking forward to giving them those little moments essentially of like oh let's go let's go to this area where there's a bunch of light like houses decorated um with lights or various other like little things um there's a bunch of like seasonal events you can do here um in Seattle um that I've sort of slowly been like keeping track of in the back of my head being like ah pumpkin patching that would be kind of cool to go with like a little one and go see the pumpkins not something you got to get to do in Hawaii necessarily but here we have pumpkin patching and it's just like oh I can take them there's gonna be like maybe a little farm maybe some hot chocolate and cider um so I'm I'm looking forward to exposing them to to things that I remember as a child but maybe creating new ones that I never got to experience when I was a child and seeing sort of the wonder and just them enjoying themselves and and discovering life yeah well that leads right into my my next question which was about being uh basically a two-place person I mean you're you've spent so much time uh uh in Hawaii and now you're up in the northwest in in Washington and each place in the world has such beauty and such differences and one of the things I remember about uh my daughter when she was young was the joy that had brought both of us when we experienced those new things like you're talking about experiencing the lights of Christmas and the holidays uh wondrous things I I remember very clearly as soon as possible we were taking uh our daughter down to the beach and uh I still remember her hardly being able to walk uh you know trotting along the beach and just enjoying it so so much and uh and both Hawaii and Washington have beauties I mean I I spent some time in Washington too the northwest uh with its own beaches and uh coastline uh with its own mountains uh it's a joyful place to be just as Hawaii is and and you get to show your your new your coming child both of those places and uh and they were just great memories uh for me as a parent with with my kid that's for sure so uh any uh when you come back and luckily brandy comes back to Hawaii for vacations on a sort of regular basis so um uh you just mentioned uh one of the joys of Washington what uh what are you gonna introduce her to in Hawaii when you bring her back to show her off to Hawaii yeah um well you pretty much mentioned it the beach like I have so many memories of just the beach um growing up specifically um I was very lucky to live nearby the beach when I was growing up so we uh as as children we went to the beach all the time neighbors by ourselves or not by ourselves but with our parents um but I that's one thing I kind of I almost want to come back to Hawaii more because I want to sort of expose them to the beach more because we have like you mentioned we have beaches here but they're they're not the same they're we're a it's very cold here even in the summer it's freezing um and maybe that's something that locals here get used to but I definitely am away girl as far as temperature is concerned and I just love the beaches in Hawaii so that's one thing I definitely am looking forward to um sharing with them is going back and visiting my family and taking them to the beach like I have memories of my my god and my grandfather who has passed away since um but he like when he was younger and we were like little tiny kids he would like we go over the beach and like play little games like running up and down the um trying to to not get hit by the waves or whatnot um staying out of the water's way little games like that he'd pick us up and like swirl us around like a pinwheel um just stuff like that like I want them to have great memories with their with their grandparents um and like just of the beach in general like I want them to be I want that to be a part of of their their childhood remembering those moments um hanging out at the beaches in Hawaii um yeah certainly and uh of course I spent lots of time with uh Randy and her parents and her brother when they were living out at Waimanalo and Waimanalo is a very special beach uh it uh has its own features and that's one thing I love about uh Hawaii in general and Oahu and specifically is that all the beaches are different they're like different experiences and Waimanalo was certainly a good one and I I also knew uh Randy's grandfather who was a very positive happy person that was always joyful to be around so um that's really uh you know that's that's really a wonderful uh type of thing um let's see where should we go from here do you want to talk about where else did in addition to the beaches here in Hawaii and uh oh I was going to say about the interesting thing about Washington was uh yeah you're right going to the beaches in Washington is uh yeah but uh I'd love to go to the harbor you know and the harbor was always interesting and uh and then of course you get the San Juan Islands uh down there which is fascinating too so um yeah there's lots of things to uh to look forward to down there as as well as to hear yeah I'll be something I'll be kind of interesting because in Hawaii you don't really have the idea of like day trips like as far as like you can go around the island in what two hours uh or is that I want to speak of Oahu specifically in very silence I assume it's gonna be slightly different um but yeah like here you can go on a day trip to somewhere or even a weekend trip somewhere um and like you had mentioned the San Juan Islands and um like I went to a small little I think I'm not sure it's the San Juan Islands I really bad at geography but um Atacordis there's a little sort of island uh northwest of Seattle about a two hour drive three hour drive I don't remember specifically um but like cute little quaint little like little town um and you can just kind of take a weekend trip there and hang out and do some local stuff there and then come back to Seattle um so that'll be kind of interesting having sort of uh sort of a bigger area to sort of explore growing up in Hawaii I actually didn't like it took me a while after I moved here to really capture the idea of like a road trip I was just like why would anybody do that um and part of that is like a terribly motion sick but um but yeah it'll be interesting to try some new things that I'm not necessarily I may not be comfortable with but hey like maybe it will be an interesting experience memorable um in one way or another for um for the baby so absolutely and you know the wonderful thing about being a parent is you you get a double joy and that you get to go back to your own childhood because watching your child uh interact with their environment around them like the beach or like uh you know the ocean you know or the mountains or everything it brings you back and you see it with your young eyes again and but you see it differently you're also seeing it through their eyes and that's pretty fantastic um the nice thing about the San Juan Islands which I loved when I visited the San Juan Islands was that you could get there by ferry and when I came to Hawaii in the 70s you could get to the other islands by a ferry we can't do that anymore we're sort of have to fly over to the our neighbor islands but in the San Juan you can take that boat and hopefully it won't get you seasick uh and I'm just and I'm guessing your your daughter will be very uh find it very interesting as well that's a wonderful thing about new kids as they find so many things interesting yeah the next thing I wanted to ask you brandy was about uh you know we're talking about the environment with which you're we're taking them to what about the things uh a lot of parents look forward to giving their kids things toys and uh introducing them to things like books and music and can you tell us a little bit about your thoughts on that yeah um I think my thoughts around that generally is I would love to expose them to as many different things as possible just so that like you can see where their interest lead them like see what inspires them like I I think partially because you Uncle Bird actually like I feel like I have really made writing a part of my my hobbies in my life um and I think my parents encouraged me to get into art and I really enjoyed art um so those have become sort of two of my main hobbies um as an adult and and those were things that like other people like they didn't force me into but they gave me sort of an influence that um and sort of guidance toward being like hey I really do enjoy this and I want to continue this into my adulthood and I just kind of want to make those I want to give my baby those exposure to those things to sort of decide oh I really am really into science or maybe I'm really into music or or maybe I I do like the stuff that my mom likes too I maybe I do like art and writing um I just kind of want to see where where that where that takes them um I am very like I am very passionate about stories and and games so I will probably definitely have some uh try and sort of expose them to many different stories and games as they're growing up um obviously like if they're they're not having it they're not having it but um I definitely feel passionate about those things so I'd I'd like to at least share those things um with my child um and various like various movies that that I enjoy um you'd mentioned are like stories and books specifically um like I have good memories of reading Harry Potter the Harry Potter series was coming out as I grew up so um I have good memories of my mom reading to me and my brother um the Harry Potter series so um that's one thing that I would like to uh I don't know how I'm gonna do it since the entire series is out it's not like I can kind of chunk it up into different uh it's like oh we have to wait for the next book it's like no they're all up um so I don't know how I'm gonna do that but I definitely like there's just certain book series that I I really remember enjoying that I'd love to to share with them if they enjoy them too so yeah and I I wanted to say I'm certainly envious uh Brandy is a real gamer and I never gaming was I was too far old for me I think to uh really get into gaming and Brandy is wonderful at uh doing the gaming's on the on the internet which I'm totally ignorant of so I'm I'm certainly envious of that I think your your daughter is really gonna enjoy uh learning that at your uh at your side so that that's gonna be terrific uh one of the things that I wanted to ask you about um one of the things about childhood is that uh we're sort of with uh our child like 24 seven for the first five years and uh they're really close and and all of a sudden uh they're going to school uh and and certainly even before then probably interacting with other kids and um and I think that's that's very important and uh I'm guessing that you've been thinking about uh you know playmates and uh what school's gonna bring and things like that and and how you might uh ease your daughter into uh into all that maybe you could tell us a little bit about that yeah I has definitely been on my mind um like even just the social my my current social circles um I know like I don't have a lot of friends who actually have kids so I've been actually having to sort of reach out or discover new social circles of folks who do have kids and learn from them and also like make those connections um in sort of toward the idea that like I would like to have sort of playmates for for my baby daughter when she gets here um and and yeah a lot of that will be sort of schooling I imagine um I will actually need to put them uh my uh yeah I will need to put them into daycare um not soon soon but like I am a working adult I will have to go back to work so um daycare is on the horizon and that will probably get them exposed to um to other kids pretty early on but um yeah I am I have been looking into like just like groups like you can find all these groups online of various um like on Facebook or there's also in Seattle there's a specific um community group I'm not quite sure what to call it um sort of a nonprofit called PEPS and it's all about making those connections with other parents who are expecting around sort of the same time and have kids around the same age um so I'm just trying to kind of dip my toes into all these different areas so that um maybe they'll meet their lifelong friend and then one of these like they're bestie or whatever or whatnot um it's I mean and maybe it won't come of it and nothing will come of it either but like having at least giving it a shot and seeing sort of where it goes is is sort of my my my thoughts there um and I am also um very blessed to have some amazing friends as well um who I all hope can be amazing hanai aunties and uncles um so maybe they'll I mean maybe they have some friends who will have kids and maybe they'll make that connection there I don't know it's it'll be interesting to see how it all unfolds but yeah definitely trying to to make those connections early so absolutely and I think that you're way ahead of the game and in the fact that uh from what you've been saying is that you're leaving the field open for your child to develop uh too often uh in therapy I find parents who have definite ideas on the way they want their child to grow up and what they want their child to be and who they want their child to be and uh and I think it's so important to understand like you're saying that this child is a unique individual and you're ready to support her and whoever she becomes and whatever she wants to do and I think that's really important because when you're making friends in that you need that that strength to know that you're you're okay that you're not having to be somebody you're not and I think that that's that's critical and I think that's that's wonderful that you're able to to pass that on uh one of the things I did want to ask you was that uh you know we're sort of focusing on your daughter who is to coming in the spring and um and what she's going to enjoy and how she's going to enjoy it uh can we get sort of specific about what the joys of parenthood is like what what you're what you're looking forward to enjoying yourself to make to give yourself joy along with giving your daughter joy I like that's a hard question to answer because like I've been so focused on like trying to have a child that um it's been on my mind for for years now um so like thinking more about myself is it feels weird to like be like well what about me but like I mean it's I do have to say like I I I hope that I will find joy sort of in just experiencing getting to see sort of them grow and seeing them get to experience what they experience but I think if we are like really just talking about me myself and I um I think it's just going to be the little moments at the beginning at least because it will be fairly focused on the child at the beginning but I think it will be like having a cup of tea in the morning like just enjoying like sitting down and like making my favorite cup of tea and just being like maybe maybe she slept through the night and she's sleeping in and I'm just sitting there being like oh it's like a moment of so quiet I don't know like um I think it will just be finding those little moments um and of and I do also want to sort of continue the friendships that I currently have I have some really amazing friends who are not parents so they won't be able to necessarily um relate to me in in those ways but they've been like super supportive and maybe it's just like every month or maybe every couple months like being like hey we should go out and have a nice dinner all like I'm gonna hire a nanny and like or like have my other friend who is not busy watch them so that I can hang out with you and like we can have a nice dinner and just sort of chat um so I think it's yeah definitely the little things I'm gonna try and make those moments so no that's terrific and that's the way it certainly happened with me is that I was the first of my group of friends to have a a child and so they became like you say and I aunties and uncles and uh and they formed a very special relationship I think the key joy for me was that uh was love you know I mean during life uh you get to know people and some of those people you come to really like and some of them you come to love uh the wonder of a child is that the love is there from the beginning you know you know all of a sudden like you said she's there in your arms and love is doesn't have to develop it's it's there from the beginning and it's it's truly a joyful thing. Randy our time is running a little low and I wanted to ask you finally because there are a number of other people that are watching this show I'm sure that are either contemplating having a child or in the process of having a child like you are and uh what advice uh might you give these uh you know the audience that is looking in on that about you know because you've gone through and dealt with a lot of this so far and uh so so what what might you say to those people in the audience? I'm not sure I can give any advice to the people who are expecting like me I feel like I've been accumulating advice brothers well I make my way through this but for those who are maybe considering um and I mean like it's something you feel strongly about like it's something it's a goal in life or something you feel passionate you know you want to have kids um I guess I would specifically speak to them and say like think about how you want to make it happen like maybe you're in your early 20s maybe you're in your 30s maybe you're younger than that or or even maybe you're reaching your 40s um think about how you want to make that happen and work toward it um and maybe it's just going to be little uh maybe steps um but um sometimes like you just you just got to work toward it and um sometimes you might need to adjust and and change plans as you as you move toward it and that's going to be okay um there's a lot of past to parenthood um and we're living in an amazing time where science and technology have enabled many different types of families so um it's not going to be easy but whatever path you take um try to find the joy in it so that's terrific that's uh thank you for that uh and thank you for the sharing today and uh you know it's just marvelous being with you as always brandy and uh I certainly will uh you know wish you the best and not only that but I'll hope that you'll keep me advised on how things are going and maybe we can talk you into coming back in the show in the summer telling us uh what it's like as a new parent uh after the event has happened so that would be wonderful as well yeah thank you very much for being with us and thanks at all to the uh the people here at think tech away at for Michael and Carol and Jay and Haley and everybody and thanks to you in the audience uh for being here with us it's always a pleasure having you join us and I look forward to seeing you again in two weeks same time same place uh and we'll be finding happiness in hard times aloha