 So in-person relationships these days, not that cool anymore. Let's do long distance relationships. It's way better. I'm just kidding. Actually, there are a lot of benefits to long distance relationships. And if you're in one, it's important that you connect to a guy in the right way in a way that makes you guys feel closer together, that gives you some memories, that gives you some things to think about that makes you feel connected and good about being with each other instead of it being really boring and stupid and feeling like you don't want to be in each other's lives anymore. And so today I'm gonna be talking about 10 different long distance date ideas that you can do if no matter how far apart you are from each other. Hello, my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. And so let's get right into it. So number one is have a romantic dinner via Facebook or FaceTime or Skype or whatever app that you like to use that allows you to talk face to face, right? There's no reason why your lack of physical presence has to prevent you from actually having a wonderful dinner together like you're actually going out on a date and you're hanging out, having dinner, talking to each other, having a good time, drinking a glass of wine if you're into that or whatever, right? And so that's number one is having a dinner maybe you guys both order out and bring the food in and then eat it and talk or maybe you can make your favorite meals or whatever you wanna do and talk to each other about your meals and tell them about what you like to eat and all that kind of stuff. And it can be a lot of fun, right? It's a great date idea. And so there you go. Number two, oh, and by the way, if you're with us right now and you're in the chat, make sure you say hi and tell us where in the world you're watching this from. It's cool to see so many women from all over the world watching all of these live streams. So number two, we're talking about watching a sunset or a starry night together. So you already know that it's romantic to sit under the stars or out on the beach and watching a sunset, right? Well, you can do that on a date too, whether it's virtual or in person, right? You can just bring a webcam or bring your phone or something and you can just look up at the stars and show it to your loved one and you guys can sit there. It doesn't matter even if one person's out in the daytime, they can sit in their house and you guys can look at it together and just talk together like you're there together watching a sunset or a starry night sky together. There are also some apps that you can use to do this which are kind of fun but are a little bit silly and might not be as romantic. So yeah, you can just let your mind flow. Maybe you'll come up with some epic, amazing poetry that you guys can speak to each other while you're sitting there and looking into the night sky together, right? So maybe, maybe not. I don't know, it depends on your personality. So number three, number three is watch a movie together. So some people are into movies. I guess some people aren't, right? Some people don't like movies. Some people hate movies. I don't know, but if you have a flick that you're both dying to see, maybe you guys like movies, maybe you guys like shows, well, whatever it is that you guys like, right? You can share things that you both like together and it can just be an experience where you're together and it's not even necessarily about the movie or whatever you're watching or any of that, right? You don't need to wait until you're both together to watch it either. You can just use a streaming service or watch it and a download on your phone or a DVD or whatever and you can just watch the film and spend some time together watching it and maybe give each other some commentary or whatever and just look into each other's minds and talk about what you think about it, right? Because people see different things and they have different perspectives and they have different experiences when they are doing stuff and watching stuff from their own world, right? And so you might be able to see a little bit of a glimpse into something that they experience that maybe you don't experience because you're both together in a different way. So number four, let's move on to number four is read a book together. So if you both enjoy reading but can't think of any kind of lengthy commentary that you wanna do, you can always read a book together and find some kind of book and focus on kind of the author's thoughts and what's going on in the book and what you're experiencing by reading this book or taking turns reading different chapters. You can get e-books online and then read different chapters to each other and that can be a fun way to do things. You can do it with an old classic or something new or even a personal development book if you're super nerdy like me and you guys can just hang out and read together if you guys both like reading and it doesn't put you to sleep. Or maybe you do wanna put each other to sleep, right? It can be fun if you're reading to each other and one person falls asleep and you read somebody to sleep that night. You read your loved one to sleep. So that can be really cool as well. So if you get what I'm talking about here, say I get it in the chat. If you don't get what I'm talking about then say I don't get it or ask me whatever questions you have about whatever is going on with you, I'll get to the questions here at the end. So number five is play truth or dare or some kind of other imagination game, right? Like truth or dare can be a fun thing. It's fun for some people, right? Some people like truth or dare. For some people it's not really kind of their thing. They're like, I don't wanna deal with whatever kind of stupid dare you're gonna make me do. And in that case, you can always just do like a question game or 20 questions or whatever you wanna do if you don't really wanna add the dare into it. And then you can just ask each other questions that reveal your true identities and your personalities and who you are and what you think about the world and life and whatever, right? And you can also substitute that for other kinds of games like kiss, marry, kill which is kind of the PG version of it or two truths, one lie or never have I ever. If you have any questions about that you can always Google those games. There's tons of information on those or any other kinds of games that you wanna play. There's a whole bunch of word games that you can play with each other that are a lot of fun. Number six, this is something a lot of women in our community have come to me and told me that they've been doing and sometimes it might be a good idea and sometimes it might not. And that's being a little naughty, right? And so once you reach the point of trust and intimacy in your long distance relationship you don't have to be shy anymore and you can kind of have fun and do kinds of different types of things where you're getting kind of fun on your webcam or writing romantic or erotic stories about each other or and then reading them to each other or whatever you wanna do, right? You intensify the attraction and get it kind of pulsating and fun and sexy. If that's what you're into maybe if you're a senator or something in the United States this might not be a good idea. If you're a senator and watching this, I'm letting you know it's a bad idea, all right? And it depends on whether you're comfortable with it or not and some people aren't, some people aren't, some people care, some people don't. So it kind of depends on the situation. Number seven is giving each other a virtual tour of each other's place. I've done this before, it's a lot of fun, right? Why not give your date to full view of your home and your current place of residence and talk about the different things that you do in these areas. And this is my sleep area and I sit here and ponder thoughts about the world here and whatever else you wanna talk about, right? It can be a lot of fun to do that and it can give you a feeling of deeper intimacy since you're not only connecting in the mind but you're also getting used to the physical reality of each other's lives and talking about what you do and seeing a glimpse into where they live and what's going on with them. And it can be a really fun thing to do is just hanging out in each other's apartments or houses or homes or whatever kind of place you live in. So number eight is drawing something for each other and then sending it to each other via snail mail. So you can talk to each other as you get in touch with your creative side and draw a picture from your artistic talents or doodle something or write letters to each other or whatever, right? And you can talk about it and kind of give hints and tease about it while you're doing it but not tell them what you're actually doing and then sending it via the mail service or UPS or whatever service you guys have in your area, DHL and that way you can look forward to receiving the drawing and chatting about it the next time that you're both connecting with each other. So it can be a really fun thing to do. Number nine is dream together and imagine the details. And so why wait impatiently for your next in-person meeting and you get on the phone and you're just saying boring things to each other and you're like, I don't know what I'm talking about. What are you talking about? Hi, how are you doing? Good, how are you doing? Right, that can get really boring. And so what you might wanna do is start imagining what you might be doing together, where you might be going, talking about different places that you wanna go, research some places, some landmarks, some stores, some theme parks that you've always wanted to visit and plan a trip for your next in-person meeting and just have fun talking about it and the things that you're gonna go and do together and the experiences that you're gonna have and the things that you're gonna drink and eat and see and look at and try out and all that kind of stuff. And you can always get creative by creating Pinterest boards about the experience or looking up Wiki articles and sharing images of what your future trip might actually look like. You could even create a bunch of photos of it and then Photoshop your own pictures in there and then you've got pictures of you guys going on these trips that you haven't even been on yet and it could be actually a lot of fun or silly or weird, I don't know, depends on what you're into, right? So number 10 is forget about the whole dreaming thing and instead have a virtual tour of world famous sites together. So this is actually a really cool idea where we live in an age right now where there's no reason to just dream about things that you might want to see sometime in the world and you don't know what it looks like and all that kind of stuff because you can actually virtually tour places all over the world anytime you want to, many times for free if you want to and just go and check them out and see what it looks like by going to sites like 360 cities.net or going to Google Maps and walking down the street or using earthalbum.com to see some great photos. Remember that touring sites about, it can be about a conversation and not just the sightseeing, right? So what are your thoughts? What are you thinking about? What are these different things that you're checking out? This is the golden age for virtually everything that you want to do, right? And so given that the internet is devoted to fun and interaction and there's so many things all over the place that you can do and check out and see in different kinds of dates, ideas that you can have, it can be so much fun if you really wanted to. And so if, and by the way, if you're in a long distance relationship right now and you're not really sure what to do and you're having challenges and you want some great ideas about how to connect to each other and make sure that he really craves you and misses you and wants to see you again and can't wait to see you, make sure that you check out my program, Long Distance Allure. There should be a link above or below this video depending on where you're watching it and or you can go to commitmentconnection.com forward slash long dash distance dash allure and you will get, you can check out my program there. If you want to get it, you can get it if not that's cool too. But anyway, that's it. If anybody has any questions, go ahead and ask your questions in the chat and I will get to them here in one second. We'll just go over the different ones again real quick. Number one is have a romantic dinner via Facebook, FaceTime or Skype. Number two is watch a sunset or starting night together. Number three is watch a movie together. Number four is read a book together. Number five is play truth or dare or some other kind of imagination word game together. Number six is be a little bit naughty together unless you're a US Senator. Don't do it if you don't do it if you're, don't do it if you're a US Senator. Number seven is give each other a virtual tour of each other's places. Number eight is draw something for each other or write something for each other and then send it to each other via snail mail but do it while you're talking to each other. Number nine is dream together and imagine the details of some place that you might go or something that you might do together. Number 10 is actually virtually tour a world famous site together. So that's it, what questions do you got? What questions do we have? Hello, hello, hello. Hello, hello, hello. What do we got? What do we have here? Who's got some questions? Women from all over the world checking out our live stream right now. What do we got? What do we got? Chicago, Kirkland, Washington, Italy. Lots of people get it. Julie Tree says this is awesome advice. Matt just need a man to add this to the equation. Yeah. There's lots of men out there. We can always find one. Tracy said, I get it, but I'm still waiting for the first date. He said, we should go out. I said, sure. When his reply soon, now it's been there. Now it's out there, been out there for a week. Now also no communication either. There we go. That tells you a lot about what he's doing, what he's saying, what he's thinking. CJ says LDR for one year and a half, but due to the beer bug, can't meet up. We still have not yet met. Great alluring ideas, but yes, very challenging. Yes, can be challenging. Can be challenging. UV says, how do I get my man to communicate with me? Cause we are in a long distance relationship and he's been reading my texts and not reply to me. Well, are you guys really in a long distance relationship if you're sending your man a whole bunch of texts and he's not replying to you? Sounds like you might not be really in a long distance relationship with each other, or you might be a lot more committed to this long distance relationship than he is. And so you need to lean back, lean back, lean back and let him contact you and stop sending him texts, stop sending him texts. If he's not replying to your texts, stop sending them to him, right? The question is how much do you value yourself, right? How much do you value yourself and your time and your energy and your commitment and your devotion? Because if you value those things really highly, if you value being your willingness to be in a relationship and somebody's not reciprocating at all, right? If you're sending him messages, a whole bunch of messages and he's reading them and not responding, sounds like that's not really a relationship that's serving you. It's not a good spot to be in at all, at all. Facebook user anonymous says, thank you for posting this, this is going to come in handy. All right, good. Umu says, I love your advice. Well, I love that you love my advice. So thank you for that. So Nitta says, what do you think about polygamy? I think that some people are into polygamy and I think some people aren't. I think that some people say that monogamy isn't natural or isn't real or that people can't do it. And I say that those people have an agenda and they're trying to convince you of something so that they can get something or that they can convince you of something and I wouldn't listen to them. Monogamy works if somebody's interested in it and they want it. Some people don't want it and they aren't willing to commit to it and so they want something different and that's fine too, right? There's nothing wrong with it as long as you guys are honest with each other. If a guy says that he wants a commitment with you and he's willing to be monogamous, that's great. If a woman says it, that's great. People say it, that's great. And a lot of people want it and they're willing to do it. Some people want it but they're not willing to do it and that's a problem but I don't think there's anything wrong with polygamy necessarily. I think that it's probably not that good for a country. Like if you take it from the macro view of things, I think that you can learn a lot about yourself from it but I think as far as a society is concerned, I don't think it's really that healthy for people in a society to practice polygamy because what it ends up doing is it concentrates a whole bunch of people to end up seeing a few people and there's gonna end up being a whole bunch of people that are totally left out of it which make them feel really bad about themselves and like they're not actually a part of the society and that's definitely a problem in and of itself but that's maybe more of a political stance than anything. So I don't know, I don't have a problem with it but I'm not really into it. I'm not into polygamy at all. I like being in a relationship with one person that's enough, right? Like how much time, energy, focus, financial resources and all that kind of stuff. Do you wanna dedicate to being with a whole bunch of different people? Like I don't know, I think there's enough things going on with one person. I couldn't imagine doing it with a whole bunch of people at the same time, no thank you. Anonymous Facebook user says, where's Fred? That's a good question. I think Fred was hanging out on this windowsill earlier getting some sunlight and so you know, I think he's hanging out there for the time being we'll see what he does. Alice says, you are funny, Matt. Well, thank you for telling me I'm funny. I think that's a compliment. All right, so CJ says, we was going to meet up in May. Now things are more difficult. I'm afraid he might get bored because it's been so long. Well, you know, you can use these date ideas. You can always get my program long distance allure. I talk about how it's my whole system for long distance relationships and how to go about them and making sure that you're doing them in a really powerful way that makes him crave you and stay interested and all that kind of stuff. And so, I mean, that's natural to be afraid that he might get bored and it's possible that he could or it's possible that he might not, you know, depends on your interactions and what's going on how committed he is and all that kind of stuff. You guys haven't actually met each other yet. And so there's kind of a challenge in that in the fact that you haven't actually met each other so far. Jade's over here washing her hands. Good job, Jade. I salute you for washing your hands. Put on that mask. Alice says, I usually do not chase my boyfriend, but, oh, but Patty says, hi, Matthew. I really enjoy listening to you. Great work. Well, thank you. I appreciate it, Patty. Appreciate your support here. Rose says, hi, Matthew. Want to say thank you in a long distance relationship. Got engaged, set the date and I'm so excited. Well, congratulations, Rose. I am very, very happy for you. I hope that you guys have a wonderful, amazing marriage together. And, you know, invite me to the wedding. I'm just kidding. Might not be the best thing. You're like, yeah, by the way, this is my dating coach. He taught me these tricks that I've been using to get you. Just kidding. I don't teach tricks. I teach connection. That's what I teach. That works and it's better. CJ says, lean back, lean back, lean back. That's right. Rose says, thank you for posting your videos. They have helped me so very much. Well, you are absolutely welcome and I'm so happy that they have helped you so very much. Rebecca said, I'll never do a long distance relationship with anyone ever again. Not worth the heartbreak if it doesn't work out. Yeah, I mean, it's not for everybody. For real. You gotta look at somebody and be like, you gotta both be like, oh my God, I really like this person. And then decide that you're gonna do it, right? And it can be really difficult because you're not connecting. You're not having the same types of connections that you have, especially if one person is really physically oriented and they like touch a whole lot. Their love language is physical touch and they really want to connect with you or somebody with physical touch, it can be really difficult. But it can also be really worth it. And it can also build a foundation for something great and better. And it can help you guys learn about each other in different ways than you normally would if you were in a normal close relationship, right? Cause a lot of people, especially in the culture that we live in right now, a lot of people are doing this kind of hookup thing where it's like total superficial, not getting to know each other, not learning about each other, not learning about each other's world. And instead we're just hooking up together and having fun and not actually being in a real relationship. And next thing you know, they're in a situation like a pandemic or something where they're separated and then they're like, we don't have anything in common, we don't really like each other, we don't even know each other that well. And so you can definitely get into weird situations in that case. And so, I mean, it depends, it depends on your situation, it depends on what you want, depends on whether you found somebody that you really value or not, and somebody that really values you and you guys really like each other, it can be totally worth it. Or if you have to travel or whatever, it can be worth it. It can be worth it. As long as you guys are really, truly committed to each other and committed to the relationship, you can find ways to make it work. And I put together a program to help you make sure that it works. It's called Long Distance Allure. You can get it at the link above or below depending on where you're watching this from. Of course, I'm gonna be pitching a product. It's awesome though, lots of people love it. I've got lots of great reviews from it since it's come out. So thank you everybody that's used it. And if you want it, you can check it out. No, that's fine too. So, is a good message though. Okay, yeah. Facebook user says, wish I saw the beginning of this? Well, you can always see the beginning of this later. It will be on, you will be able to connect with this and watch it later. Jade says virtual hugs. She went from washing hands to hugging. I like it. I like it. I'm a big fan of hugs. Julie's tree says she's for monogamy. I'm for monogamy too. Facebook user says long distance relationships are challenging. That can be true. Ying says, hi, Matthew, how to make a boyfriend in a different country step up to a real plan. He is afraid to lose me, but he's thinking too complicated to take a real plan. So, I mean, you have to give me more details than I have a boyfriend in a different country and he's not stepping up, right? So are you following my system? Are you using long distance allure? Are you doing any of the things that we're talking about? Or what's the situation, right? He's not stepping up. He's in a different country. He wants to step up, but he's making it too complicated to create a real plan. I mean, he might be making excuses. I'd have to know more about your situation. You're not telling me enough about what's actually going on in the situation for me to really help you with that one. So maybe you can tell us a little bit more about your details there, Ying, and we will help you some more. So Jenny says, long distance relationships, they find someone else behind your back. Well, that is a horrible belief to have. And if you believe that a guy's gonna find somebody behind your back in a long distance relationship, no matter what, then that will probably, you'll probably manifest that in your life. So my suggestion is that you get rid of that belief if you're actually interested in a long distance relationship, which it doesn't sound like, Jenny. It sounds like you're just coming on here and talking smack about long distance relationships. That's not what always happens. And if that's what happened to you once, I'm sorry to hear that, but that is not what always happens. It can happen. It certainly can if somebody is not really committed to the relationship, it certainly can happen. And, but people can be really committed to it and it can work. Jade says, do the high five, do the five hydrate, do the five hydrate. I thought you were high five and I was gonna high five you. If you wanna high five later, we can high five later. All right, Facebook user says, hi from the UK, how do I get my LDR to commit? We've been together for six and a half years. Wow, if you've been together for six and a half years and he hasn't committed yet, you are in a weird situation and I'm curious about what is going on exactly in your situation, right? Like you've been together for six and a half years. What does that mean, right? You're in a long distance relationship. Are you guys meeting each other? Are you guys like actually meeting up and having a relationship together? And what do you mean he's not committing? Like is he seeing other people? Are you guys just in a casual friend with benefits type of a situation where he just shows up sometimes and hooks up with you? If that's the case, my suggestion is that you pull yourself out of it and you start valuing yourself, right? How long are you gonna sit in a relationship and not actually get a commitment if that's something that you want, right? And my suggestion is that you don't sit and wait for him to commit to you. And instead you won, I mean, you do wanna connect with him in a way that would make him want to commit to you. But if he's been with you for six and a half years and he's not committing yet, it's because he doesn't wanna commit to you and he's not looking to commit to you. And so what you need to do is start opening up your options, right? Because that is the best thing that you can possibly do right now is stop making the focus on him and how do I get him to commit and instead open up your options to actually having a guy who wants to meet your needs and give you what you want. And next time that you're this guy, if you've communicated to him that you're looking for a commitment and you want all these things and he hasn't given this to you in six and a half years, it's time to walk away from this situation, period. You need to communicate to him, let him know that you want a committed relationship and that you're no longer willing to settle for this thing where you're not committed to each other and he's off doing and hanging out with and sleeping with and being in a relationship with whoever he wants to, that you're not okay with that, that you just want to be with one person and you want that person to just be with you and that that's what you're looking for. And if he's interested in that, then that's great. And if he's not, then that's fine too, but that that's what you deserve and that you know that you deserve and you're gonna make sure that you get into a situation where you're getting the committed relationship that you want to have. And so my suggestion is that you pull back from this thing, like hard pull back, communicate to him, make sure that he knows what you're looking for and what you want and what you need and then let him know that you'd love to have it with him but that he's not giving it to you and so that you're gonna find it somewhere else and that you're not gonna continue doing the things that you have been doing and that if he comes in town and he's not committed to you immediately that you're not even gonna see him because you don't wanna waste any more of your life in a situation where you're not getting a commitment from a guy. It takes about between six months to a year for a guy to know whether he really wants to have a committed relationship with a woman or not. He knows exactly what kind of a relationship ultimately he wants to have six months to a year. Six and a half years, he knew a long time ago and if he's not committing to you what he's doing is he's using you as a placeholder and he's waiting for something better to come along and he's getting his needs met through you when he's in town if you guys are meeting up with each other and so my suggestion is that you stop allowing that to happen and instead put yourself into a position of power and get yourself into a relationship with a man who actually wants to have a real committed relationship with you. If you don't have my program yet, I suggest you go and get that. It's at theforeverwomanformula.com. Again, that's theforeverwomanformula.com and make sure that you're putting yourself in the best possible position that you can, right? Cause this is six and a half years is ridiculous. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard and you definitely don't wanna be wasting any more time doing this, right? This isn't what you want. This is not a woman who values herself, a woman who knows what she deserves. She's not sitting in a relationship with some dude who's confused or not sure about her for six and a half years. It's not, that's not what you do. It's not what you do, girl. You gotta take responsibility for your situation and make sure that you put yourself into a situation that serves you and that gets your needs met and stop letting a man walk all over you and take advantage of you because you don't deserve that. This is big brother Matt, I'm telling you. All right, Facebook user anonymous says, been in an LER for almost six months now. I almost feel like it's dwindling at times. We see each other on weekends, mostly every other weekend. He used to talk about marriage all the time and ever since I told him I expected a proper proposal with a ring, he stopped his talk. Yeah, I mean, it's one of those things where it's like, you know, one of the, I'm just gonna throw some thoughts out here at you and let them sink in whatever way they sink, right? And so you have expectations, right? And expectations kind of, what they do is they kind of impose your will upon somebody, right? You're like, this is what I expect from you, right? I expect that you're gonna bring me this ring and it's gonna be this kind of ring and you're gonna get down on one knee and you're gonna do all this other stuff, right? And all of a sudden he's like, what that feels when you make a guy, tell a guy that kind of stuff is he feels trapped, right? You don't want him to feel trapped. Instead, you want him to feel like he wants to express his love to you, right? If you're throwing all these expectations on him, it's gonna dampen that, right? Instead of trying to force him to do things that you want him to do, you want to open things up so that he can choose what he wants to do, right? He might choose to not get you a ring. I'm sure there's people out there that do that. I haven't heard much of that happening, but if he chooses not to get you a ring, he chooses not to get you a ring, right? If he chooses to get your ring, he chooses to get your ring. And his choices, while you might make suggestions or you might say certain things are attractive or whatever, giving him some kind of expectation like, hey, I expect this and I expect that and I expect we're gonna have this big wedding and all these things, right? It just makes a guy feel like it's not about your love for each other anymore. And instead, it's about this thing that has absolutely nothing to do with the two of you, right? So if you're telling him that he has to have this ring you've got to have this kind of a wedding and it's got to happen this way and all these different things, it goes from an expression of his love for you and how much he loves you and how much he cares about you and how much it's about him connecting with you and showing how much you mean to him to there's this woman who is trying to fit me into this box of what she expects out of me instead of it being about this celebration of our love, right? And so, yeah, I mean, my suggestion is that you stop doing stuff like that completely, right? Never do that again, right? Don't talk in that way at all about anything ever again because that while you're expressing what you want, it sounds like you're doing it in a way that is really ineffective, right? There's things that work and there's things that don't work. What doesn't work is telling somebody what your expectations are of them in a romantic relationship that somebody chooses to be in, right? Unless that's something that they like, right? There are certain people who they want to be told what to do, right? They're like, hey, I wanna know what I'm supposed to be doing right now and you tell them what to do and they're like, great, I'm gonna go do that. But if you do that with somebody, especially around something this important, right? Like getting married is a pretty important thing. You might've wanted to test that out, that way of talking out on smaller things before you throw in the, I'm expecting this specific ring and all these other things kind of thing together because it can totally, it can totally destroy all of his thoughts, all of his romance, all of the things that make him want to do that with you and instead make it feel like it's this painful thing that he absolutely has to have that he doesn't wanna do. So I hope that kinda helps you kind of understand what's going on through the psychology of that. You can make suggestions and stuff, but I mean, do you wanna be told what to do all the time? Do you wanna be like, oh, when you come to my house, this is what I'm expecting. I'm expecting you to cook me dinner every time and wash my clothes and like, do you want to be in a relationship? Some people do, right? But it sounds like that guy that you're seeing doesn't and so my suggestion is that instead of trying to force him to do stuff like that, that you allow him to choose what he's gonna do for you, right? That's the difference between force and power, right? Power is coming from a place where you have a decision where you can walk away or you can accept or reject, but you're not trying to make somebody do something, right? You're allowing them to do something and you might help guide them, but you're not forcing them. You're not trying to make them do something. All right, so Becky says these lives have been authentically important for me. I appreciate your talent, knowledge and willingness to share. Well, I appreciate you, Becky. So thank you so much for being here and thank you so much for saying that. Really appreciate it. So Jackie said, I had a long distance relationship only for a few months and split with my ex in March. We said we would remain friends and I said, okay, even though disappointed, he now is texting me every other day about general stuff. He finished it. So what do you think? What do you mean he finished it? Like he stopped doing it? It's one of those things where it's like, you know, you can be friends. Like if you end up getting slotted into like this friendship category, that can be a problem for you, right? And so my suggestion is that if you guys were in a long distance relationship and you broke up just in March, that you take some time and you split, right? And you spend some time kind of re strengthening your identity. So one of the things that happens when somebody breaks up is that they end up feeling like they lost a part of their identity. And because it's like you guys are a couple and you do these things together and you're together and all these things and then you break up and it's like you lost a part of who you are. And so what you need to do if you want to get back together and have something different is you need to, the first thing you need to do is focus on re strengthening and rebuilding and renewing your identity of who you are and what you're creating and what you want in your life, right? Because that kind of makes you get over that person, right? And coming from a space of being over that person means that you're far more likely to get back together if that's what you want which is what it sounds like otherwise you wouldn't be talking about this person, right? And if you do wanna end up getting back together with him, my suggestion is that you come to it from a space of coming to a, creating a new relationship, right? When somebody gets out of a relationship it's because they didn't like the situation that they're in, right? And one of the biggest mistakes that women who are trying to get an ex back make is that they try to get a guy back into a situation that he just left from, right? Instead, what you wanna do is that you want to, you want to bring to him this image of you being a new person and of you getting into a new relationship and starting the courting process from the very beginning. And think of it like you're starting all over and that's the most powerful way to come to a getting your ex back type of situation because then he will look at you in a different way and he himself will start looking at you and start acting in a different way, right? And so he'll start doing different things if you're coming from kind of this frame of it being that he is, he's trying to court you and he's trying to get into a new relationship with you but I wouldn't do the just the friends kind of thing together because that's a long road to something that you don't really want to be in. Burp, burp, burp, burp, burp, burp, burp, burp. Millie says, hi, watching from Nigeria. I really love long distance and I want to enjoy mine and have a long lasting relationship that will lead to marriage. Please, how am I going to do it? Well, I have a whole program about that, Millie. It's called Long Distance Allure. You can check that out. Not sure if people from Nigeria can purchase my stuff. There's a lot of fraud and stuff going on there. So maybe not, but you can definitely watch some of my videos and check out some of the stuff that I'm doing here because I'm teaching all about how to make sure that you create that kind of relationship that works. So CJ says, is LDR more difficult to trust someone online than in reality or is it the same thing? Well, if you haven't ever met each other, which is what your situation is, then you don't really know that much about this person. Like there's a lot that you experience from being with somebody that you don't experience from being online. There's plenty of people who are long distance and it's this dream, right? And they're like, oh, it's this dream. It's this amazing thing. And then they meet each other and they don't have anything in common. There's no chemistry there. It's nothing, right? And so you need to meet in person and you need to do it as soon as humanly possible. And you need to make sure that you're not getting yourself into some weird scammy situation, which there's a lot of out there. So anonymous Facebook user says, my partner of three months has been separated from his former wife for over five years. He says a divorce is too final. Says he wants an exclusive relationship with me. My thought is if he's not willing to close that door, then he's not ready to commit to me. What do you think? I 100% agree with that. If he's like, hey, divorce is too final, I'm not doing that. Then say, cool, you can do what you wanna do with somebody else, but I want a real relationship. And if you're still connected with somebody so much that you're not willing to get divorced to them, I don't know what to tell you other than that's, maybe we're just not for each other. And I wish you good luck. And I hope that if you decide to change your mind and you end up getting divorced and you want to see me after that, let me know. But until then, I'm not looking for to be somebody's, be with somebody who's not willing to let go of another relationship in order to be with me. I mean, that's just not a good situation. Not a situation you wanna be in. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Becky says, during the quarantine, in my experience, many men are behaving out of boredom. Yeah, that's for sure. It's been a real eye opener, seeing their personalities more authentically and faster than before quarantine, which is interesting. Yeah, I mean, this is a great time to be dating, to be honest, right? You can actually work on like real connection skills and attraction skills and building a real relationship with each other before a lot of people were just like, meet up, attracted. And now it's like, hey, I can actually get to know you and find out about you and learn about you instead of jumping into something immediately, right? It's like, hey, let's connect and get to know each other and learn about each other and find out about each other and build a real relationship. And a lot of people can't do that because they've been doing these superficial, artificial relationships. And so you're gonna run into a lot of guys like that, right? Just like men are gonna run into a lot of women like that. And so, yeah, I mean, it can be a crazy place up there. So Facebook user says, yeah, meeting up, he's not seeing anyone else because of his crazy job. I'm looking for the right thing. I keep pulling away, but we always find our way back. We talk about the deep stuff and I know he's not cheating on me. He just doesn't have the time to commit much more than he can. Your advice makes sense completely. It's just a hard, a very hard situation. I'm sure. CJ says, difficult to just move on from someone have a great connection with for a while. How do you shift your thoughts on someone else? So like what I talked about before, what you wanna do is you wanna focus on building your identity, right? Doing things that you wanna do, but maybe you weren't doing because you're waiting for some guy or whatever, right? So you wanna do things that harden and build your identity. So things like getting involved in new hobbies or passions or work or travel or whatever kinds of things that you do that's about you, right? Things that you would do, things that you are interested in, things that you're about. It's been shown scientifically that when it ends up happening, when you do that, they had a study where they had these two groups of people, right? And they had all just experienced a breakup and those people ended up in these two groups, they broke them up into these two groups and they had one group go and spend two weeks working on like their hobbies and their goals and things that they weren't doing because they were in a relationship and they were holding off on it and whatever, right? And the other group didn't do anything different and just did the same things that they normally would do during that two week period of time. And what they found was that the people that spent two weeks working on their hobbies and passions and stuff, those people were far happier, far more fulfilled, far less attached to the old person that they were with and they were far more ready to move on and create a life for themselves than the other people were, right? And the reason is because being connected to somebody is kind of like a drug, right? You have dopamine that goes into your brain and your body and you feel connected to them. And so when you break that off, it's like you go through these withdrawal experiences. And so when you go through those, if you're just sitting around thinking about the person all the time and, oh, I wish I was with him and he's so amazing. Oh my God, I just love our life together. I can't wait, I hope he comes back to me, right? What's gonna end up happening is you're just gonna get those little spikes of dopamine and it's just gonna be painful for a really long period of time. Whereas if you start working on building your identity, you become stronger, you become more fortified, you restructure your identity of who you are as a person and it breaks that whole withdrawal experience that you had before and allows you to create a life that makes you stronger and that you're more open to meeting new people and creating new relationships. But yeah, I mean, it can be very difficult to move on. Okay, Kate says, been in an LDR for one year and lately my boyfriend is having family issues and has a lot on his mind. Tells me he needs more alone time, space and shuts down a lot. How should I give him space because I'm finding it hard with the lack of contact? It's literally the same kind of thing, right? So after a breakup, it's like this hard withdrawal experience that you have. Well, when you're in a relationship and you're giving somebody space, it's like a miniature experience of that. And so what you wanna do is start filling that time with things that strengthen your identity of who you are and your separateness from him as a human being. That way you feel better and stronger and you're feeling less attached to that contact and that connection with him. And so that's the best way that you can do it. Just communicate what you're doing to him and then go off and do your own thing and start working on hobbies and habits and things that you care about and that are important to you. Losing weight, gaining weight, I don't know whatever you're into. Jade says elbow bump. I feel like we're, I feel like Jade's giving me this, this long thing of virtual hogs, elbow bumps and I don't know what's going on anymore. Handwashing, handwashing, handwashing. Natui says, I have a long distance relationship but when I text the guy he will not reply back to me. You are not in a long distance relationship if you text the guy and he doesn't reply to you, right? You are like a stalker or something. So you wanna stop doing that if he's not replying to you, stop messaging him completely. It's like it's not a joke, stop messaging him. If he's not replying, don't message him and don't message him again unless he sends you some kind of message, right? Stop initiating contact, stop stalking him, stop sending him messages, stop doing all that stuff and go create other relationships because he's not for you, he doesn't want you. He's not trying to be in a relationship with you. You're not in a relationship with him unless you guys are hitting the ball back and forth, right? Think of it like a tennis match, right? You hit the ball to the other side, he hits the ball back. You hit it to the other side, you guys hit it back and forth to each other, right? If you're hitting the ball over to him and he's not hitting it back, you're not in a tennis match. You're hitting a ball to the other side of the net. You're hitting a ball to a wall so you're hitting a ball to the other side and that's it, that's all you're doing. And at some point he's gonna walk away if he hasn't already and you're gonna be heartbroken. So you might as well just pick up your pieces already because you're not in a relationship right now if a guy's not responding to you at all, right? Stop texting him, stop messaging him, lean back, go meet some other people, get into a real relationship with somebody who actually values you and prioritizes you, responds back to you, cares about you, talks to you, wants to be with you, cherishes you, wants to spend time with you, thinks you're absolutely gorgeous and amazing and beautiful and wonderful and worships the ground that you walk on. That's what you want, right? You don't want a relationship where you're messaging a guy all the time and he's not responding to you. That's not a relationship, you're not in a relationship if you're messaging somebody and he's not responding. All right, that's the end of my rant. If you're still here and you're, if you're still here, you're obviously interested in long distance relationships. Sometimes I gotta give hard advice guys, you know? That's all. And by the way, I don't have Fred with me but I have something new. This is Fritz, this is Fritz, they're Frosh. He's my froggy friend and he's hanging out with me. Fred is away for the time being but Fritz is hanging out and he enjoys my, he really loves my live stream. So anyway, did that sound weird and nerdy? I don't know, don't really care. Anyway, thank you everybody for being here. If you want my program, go check it out. There should be a link above or below this video. If you wanna check that out, it's called Long Distance Allure, it's all about really thriving in a long distance relationship and making him crave you and wanna see you and wanna be with you. And so that's it for today. Thank you so much for being here. We have some of the most amazing women in the world as a part of our community. So thank you so much for trusting me and helping you get into the relationship and attract the man that you've always wanted to have. Thank you so much and I will speak with you again soon and always remember, you are worth it. I gotta get going, I gotta go floss Fritz's teeth for a little bit but I am brush his teeth because he's got really gnarly teeth. But this is getting, this is getting nerdier and weirder by the minute. All right, I'm leaving. Thank you for being here. I'll speak with you again soon. Talk to you later. Goodbye.