 J-E-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens the program with The Riddle Song. Well, it seems that nowadays boys and girls know what's good for them and like it. For Young America Magazine recently made a youth survey all over the country, and one of the questions they asked the youngsters was, name your favorite dessert. Ah, yes, you've guessed it. Jell-O is a leading favorite with the children, a dessert they go for in a great big way. And you know that shows that they have mighty good taste, for Jell-O is a grand dessert for youngsters. It's wholesome, it's pure, it's delicious. And Jell-O looks so exciting and tastes so good. Those six bright colors give a gay party air to the plainest meal, and every youngster loves that. And those six delicious flavors are full of extra-rich fruit goodness. That makes every Jell-O dessert a surefire hit with the whole family. Just be sure to get genuine Jell-O when you buy. Look for those big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O, and Jell-O spells a treat. Ladies and gentlemen, we bring you that genial host of Beverly Hills, a man who is famous for his lavish and extravagant parties, Jack Benny. Thank you. Jell-O again. This is Jack Benny, the Elsa Maxwell of Southern California talking. And thanks, Don. I imagine you were referring to that blowout I gave for the gang last Sunday night. I certainly was. We had a lot of fun that night. What a spread I put on. Did you enjoy yourself, Don? Always sure did, Jack. We all had a marvelous time. Hey, Phil, wasn't that a great party? Boy, that was a party with a capital P-U. Phil, I might have known you wouldn't like it. What do you expect at a party anyway? Well, for one thing, I expect to eat. Eat? Brother, you handed out that food like it was radium. Now, now, wait a minute, Phil. There might have been a slight delay, but you finally got a meal, didn't you? Yeah, hot dogs and root beer. I went to bed that night and dreamt that Dracula in Frankenstein was shooting fool. Shooting fool, my goodness. Not only that, I was the eight ball. Well, hit me on the head and sink my bridge work. Well, I, you know, I wasn't going to admit it, fellas. All right, I wasn't going to admit it, but those hot dogs got me too, boy, what I went through. What happened, Jack? Did you have a nightmare? I think so. I was never a totem pole before. I got so excited, I punctured my hot water bag. Well, you should have known better than to serve that kind of food late at night. All right, Harris, I'll make a note of that. And incidentally, that's the last time you will ever be invited to my house. You couldn't get me in that dump again with a subpoenae. Now, don't worry your pretty little head about that. You're just jealous because I made such a hit with that girl you brought to the party. You mean Barbara? Yes, Barbara. You didn't get any closer to her than War Admiral did to Seabiscuit. Oh, yeah? Well, when she went out the door, I was only two lengths behind her and moving up fast. So don't give me that. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, fellas. What are you talking about? Oh, Wilson was just telling me what a marvelous time he had at my party last Sunday night. Don? Yeah. Oh, that guy has a good time just lacing his shoes. He hasn't seen them in ten years. But, Mary, now, really, Mary, don't, now wait a minute. Don't tell me you didn't enjoy yourself at my party? Well, I had a swell time, Jack, but gee, those hot dogs and root beer. Gosh, what a horrible dream I had. Oh, you too, huh? Yeah, I dreamt that Clark Gable was chasing me up the Empire State Building. Clark Gable? What's horrible about that? He didn't catch me. Oh, that's too bad. I'm going to eat ice cream and pickles tonight and give him another chance. That's right, Mary. Never say die. But I'm sorry the food I served at my party upset you. That's really a shame. There ought to be a law against you entertaining. Oh, there should, eh? You see, Mary, Phil has burnt out because his girl Barbara was hanging around me all the time. Did you notice the way she kept looking at me all evening? Yeah, Phil told her he had a glass eye. Oh, so that's why she asked me to cry. I didn't know. Well, just the same before the party was over, she got to like me, and that's why Phil is so mad. I'm not mad. I just think that affair you had was a war shot, that's all. That's so. You know, Mary, Phil doesn't think a party's a success unless all the guests go home in a patrol wagon. Now, wait a minute, Jack, I've met some of the finest people in the world in patrol wagons. Yeah, I can imagine. That's where you signed me up, remember? Well, I was there by accident. I thought it was a sightseeing bus. A sightseeing bus? Then why did you have your lawyer with you? Because he's never seen Chinatown and shut up. Gosh. Gee, I'll buy you everything, but you know what hurts me, fellas? It's the first time any of you have ever been in my new home and you haven't said one word about it. Well, Jack, I meant to tell you all about that. I think your house is simply exquisite. Thanks, John. Gee, I love that big fireplace in the library. Isn't it cozy? Oh, it's just ducky. Ah. But, Jack, I saw a cement mixer in your kitchen. Now what's that for? That cement mixer? Yeah. Jack makes his own grape nuts. I do not. That cement mixer just happens to be an antique. But you know what kills me? You didn't notice the nice things I have in my house. What about that lovely thick oriental rug I've got? You mean the one in the living room? Yes. I got a bomb-beat suit that's thicker than that. Oh, you have, Mr. Smarty. Well, I like the rug and it's plenty thick. Go on. I saw a bug in it with an overcoat on. All right. Keep it up. Keep it up, Mary. How anybody can run down by rugs and wear hats like you do is beyond me. One you got on now looks like a bird's-eye view of Lake Tahoe. If I had a hat like that, I'd wear a veil, too. Oh, kid. Oh, kid. That's fine. You're the only one that gets it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's the silliest thing I ever saw. Yeah, that's what I say. Oh, hello, Kenny. I didn't see you come in. Where were you? Well, I was out in the hall whistling at the girls. Whistling? Now, Kenny, you shouldn't do that. I know. A dog came up and bit me. Oh. Well, that'll teach you a lesson. Say, Kenny, did you have a good time at my party the other night? Well, I had a swell time, Jack. But wow, those hot dogs, what they did to me. Well, now, don't tell me you had a nightmare, too. Did I? You don't want, Jack? I went to bed and jumped. I was president of the United States. Oh, so you were president, eh? Yeah. Boy, it was a country in a mess when I woke up. Well, I can imagine. Well, well, President Baker. What a dream. Who was vice president? Maxie Rosenblum. Oh, quite an administration there. Well, for the sake of our country, I'm glad you woke up. Say, Kenny, getting back to the party, though, that was the first time you saw my new house, wasn't it? Yes, it was. See, it's beautiful, Jack. And those paintings in your living room are the last words. Oh, they are masterpieces, every one of them. Oh, I like the picture of the girl's head that hangs over the fireplace. Oh, you mean the Mona Lisa? Yeah. Mona Lisa? Why, Jack, the Mona Lisa has a smile on her face. And the girl in your picture is frowning. Frowning? Yeah. Darn that Rochester. I told him he was hanging it upside down. He knows absolutely nothing about art. Say, Jack, tell him what he did with your painting of Napoleon. Yeah. What was it, Jack? The picture sideways in Napoleon's hand kept falling out of his vest. Well, I'll have things straightened out pretty soon. Hey, Kenny, it's about time for your song. What's it going to be tonight? I'm going to sing If I Loved You More, and I dedicate it to Oscar, my pet rabbit. Gee, what a thoughtful kid. Sing, Kenny, are you listening, Bill? I mean, Oscar? You tell you more sung by Kenny Baker, and Kenny, I could tell that came right from the heart. I'm sure Oscar, your pet rabbit, enjoyed it very much. He better, or I'll eat him. Oh, I wouldn't do that, kid. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as our play this evening is quite long, without further ado, I will announce our feature attraction. Tonight, we will add another brick in our monument to theatrical history where I'm going to present our version of MGM's sensational story of pugilistic triumph and nerve-tingling suspense, the crowd roars. Thank you. Now, I will play the part as portrayed on the screen by Robert Taylor, that of a prize fighter who battles his way to the top, fighting and knocking out the toughest men the ring has ever known. Mary, I want him to believe this. Please. Now, Mary will play the role of Sheila, my sweetheart, as portrayed on the screen by Maureen O'Sullivan. Why don't you get her and leave me alone? Well, if you want to know something, Primadonna, I came darn near getting Maureen O'Sullivan. Why didn't you? Well, unfortunately, she thinks I am repulsive. Now, let's see. Oh, yeah, Don Wilson will be the fight announcer, and Phil... Oh, Phil, you're going to be in the play, too. Well, that's better than listening to it. Phil, that little remark may cause you to listen to this program next year. If you're in touch with it at all. Do I make myself clear? Yes. Now, let's see. Phil is going to be my manager. Don is the fight announcer. Well, say, Jack, I think it would be much better if I were your trainer instead of your fight announcer. You want to be my trainer, Don? Yes. Why, said he, little knowing what was lurking in the shadows ahead? Why, Don? Because with every meal, I'd see that you got a dish of tempting, delicious jello. You'd start out with strength, and have a different flavor each day of the week. Oh, goody. But, Don, there are seven days of the week and only six flavors. What would I have on Sunday, pray tell? On Sunday, you could go back to strawberry with sliced bananas as a double feature. Eureka, I knew you'd come through. Now, let me see. Where was I before I fell into this trap? Oh, yes. Now, this play of the fistic arena will go on immediately after the next number. Go ahead, Phil. Oh, hold it a minute. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes? I wish you wouldn't be a prize fighter. Why not? Look what happened to me. Brrrr! We can't even ring how he got that way. Play, Phil. That was FDR Jones played by Phil Harrison as Ordestra, and now, folks, as time is getting short, we will proceed with our play. That Epic of the Prise Ring, the Crowd Roars, or Button Button Who Hit Me on the Button? The scene is the home of the Benes in the thriving little town of Orchigan Illinois many years ago. As the curtain rises, we find a master Benny, a child of six, busy in the library. Curtain? Oh, darn it. Oh, Daddy! Daddy! What is it, stinky? Daddy, can I go out with the other kids? None. Did you finish your lesson? Say what's that tune you was playing? Schubert's Unfinished Symphony and I'm not surprised. And neither am I. Say, Daddy, why do I have to keep practicing? I don't want to be a violinist. I want to be a prize fighter. Prize fighter? Why, son, you couldn't lick a popsicle. I could, too. Now, I'll get going with your lessons. I don't want to hear another word out of you. Oh, all right. They ain't like it out of here. I wish I could go, too. Oh, well, I won't listen. Five years later, and Master Benny is now 11 years old. Oh, there I go again. Hey, son, ain't that the same tune you've been playing for five years? Yeah. Where's the teacher to show you how to turn over the page? Well, I don't want to be a violinist. I want to be a prize fighter. But only yesterday I beat up that Stuart kid that lives across the street. You mean Jimmy Stuart? No, Gloria. She won't forget me in a hurry. Well, stop bragging. Go on with your lessons. Okay, but one of these days I'm going to be the champion of the world, Dad. And you'll be proud of me. I'd be proud of if you knew how to eat with a fork. I'll show him. Wait and see. 10 years later. 15 years later. I give up. Well, I could do better, but I'm playing with Boston gloves on. Anyway, I'm true with this. I'm going to New York and make a name for myself. I'm a champion, and the world's going to know about it. So long, Dad. I'm packing up. Don't forget your toupee. I got it on my chest. I'm a he-man now. So long, Pop. Good luck, son. Here's the belapsed. And Jack Benny has made rapid strides as a prize fighter. After a series of sensational knockouts, he is now known as Killer Benny. That's me, folks. A tiger if there ever was one. We now take you to the killer's training camp, where he is working out with his manager, Curly Harris. Hey, Curly. What do you want, killer? I wish you'd get me a new punching bag. This one keeps punching me back. Never mind, Dad. Did you do your old work this morning? No, I couldn't find my broom. Now look, Curly. Where's my next bout? I haven't had a fight in two days. I'm working on it, killer. I got a guy in mind for you, but he ain't out of the hospital yet. Well, prop him up. I'm raring to go. I'll get you a fight pretty soon, but I'm warning you, killer. You better start saving your dough. Why, you throw away your money like Diamond Jim Brady. I don't throw away my money. I know that, but this happens to be the play. Oh, that's right. But, Gene Wiz, I like a little fun once in a while. Okay, killer, but if you want to be a champion, you better stop running around with women. Okay. That women are poison. I got you, chief. No women. Right. See you later. So long. Now what'll I do? I guess I'll skip rope a little while. One, two, but machine, three, four, shut the door. Five, six, a bigger tin. Hello, can I come in? Are you a woman? Yes. Get out of here. You're poison. What? Oh, I'm sorry, Sheila. I didn't know it was you. Well, don't holler at me like that or I'll take my tights back. Well, I said I was sorry. I'm nervous, Sheila. I want to fight. Well, how are you shaping up, killer? Fine. Look at these arms. They're like steel. Yeah. What are those bumps on them? Rivets. You're looking at the next champ, Sheila. Get these muscles. Look at this physique. I've seen better physiques on parsnips. Gee, don't you love me anymore, Sheila? Sure, I love you, killer, but you're getting slap happy from all this fighting. Yeah. Walking around on your heels. Yeah, you look like Carg and doing a toe dance. Well, don't worry, Sheila. If I make you any happier, my next fight will be my last. Who's that? That's Harris, my manager. I don't want him to see you. I'm on strict training. Well, what'll I do? Here, hide behind the beer barrel. Okay. Hey, killer. Killer, have I got news for you? What is it, Coiley? I've lost your big chances come. I just arranged a match between you and the captain of California. The champion of California? Who's that? Kenny Baker. He's a Dale assassin. Oh, kid Baker, eh? Say I heard about him. He's plenty tough. One of my fighting bakers. Soon as we can catch him. Ah. Now, listen, Chief, why don't you give me a real fighter like Joe Lewis? I'm dying to meet him. You're fighting him next. I asked the stuff. What? Oh, well, you can't take it with you. But don't worry, Chief, because you're looking at the next champ right now. That's his spirit. So long, killer. So long. Goodbye, Sheila. Goodbye. Well, he certainly fooled him up to the last line. Oh, killer. Killer, you're not really going through with this, are you? Sure I am, Sheila. Darling, you don't know what you're doing. Why, kid Baker's dynamite, he'll catch you to rib and he'll mangle you. Who, me? He may be tough, Sheila, but I'll make enough dough out of this fighter attire. And when we do, you're gonna be Mrs. Killer Benny. Two months later, the scene is Madison Square Garden in New York City. The place is jammed with people, and the main event is about to begin. Thanks, Sheila. That's gonna do me. How do you feel, killer? Okay, where's my glasses? I can't see a thing without them. Here they are. Thanks. Good evening, folks. This is Pam Wilson talking from the ring side of Madison Square Garden. The referee is now calling the contestants at the center of the ring for their final instructions. Now, listen, boys, you're both in here to do the best you can. Yeah. And I want this to be a nice, clean fight, and when I tell you to set up for us, I want you to set up a raid for Sautermaster Square. Look, I don't want any kind of Sauterade. No. No coming up a Sauter... No, no. Just playing with Sauter... Yeah. You understand? What? You understand? No. I do. Good. Now, go to your quarters, boys, and when the bell rings, come out, sir, and this is one of the seven. Okay. Well, good luck, Baker. You're gonna need it. Oh, yeah? I'll knock that to pay right off your chest. Well, it's great, so have a little respect. And remember, I want to think, Baker, you're talking to the Walk Keegan Wildcat. Oh, I am, eh? Well, you're talking to the Grendale Narcissus. That's a sassan. Yeah. All right, boys. Go to your corners. There's the bell, folks, and the fight is off. The boy's meeting the center of the ring. Hello, Kenny. Hello, Jack. Benny leads with the right to the chin and Baker counters with the left to the jaw. Ouch. Pardon my gruff. Benny takes it with a smile. He tries an uppercut, but misses. Baker comes back with an undercut, which falls short. Benny comes back with a New York cut, which Baker snaps at. What a fight, folks. What a fight. Come on, killer. Knock him cold. What's the matter with you? Sheila, stop talking. Sheila stops talking and Benny rushes Baker. Baker comes back with a right to the chin. A left. A right. A left. A right. A right. Benny's down. A one. A two. A three. A four. Benny's up. A right. A right. A left. Benny's down. What am I, an elevator? A one. A two. A three. A left. A religion. A gun gun. A thought that. A ten. Oh, killer. Killer, say something. Speak to me. Speak to me. I sure gave it to that Benny, didn't I? Your Benny. Oh, for heaven's sake. Two years later, killer Benny has retired from the ring, married his sweetheart Sheila, and settled down on a little farm in the country. Let's drop in on them. Oh, killer. Killer. What is it, honey? A call of hogs, will ya? Okay. One of the oldest sayings I know is still as true as ever. Variety is the spice of life. And there's a grand new dessert to add variety to your meals. It's the new Jello vanilla pudding, a creamy smooth pudding dessert that's simply swell. It's so tempting to look at with a beautiful color and a real satiny texture. And it's so good to eat with a rich, full flavor. For Jello vanilla pudding is made from real vanilla, no artificial flavoring. Then try the new Jello butterscotch pudding that's mellow with real old-fashioned butterscotch flavor. And try Jello chocolate pudding, smooth and rich in chocolatey. A prime favorite made a new and better way. For all three new Jello puddings are amazingly quick and easy to prepare. You'll find the simple directions on every package. And you get puddings that have that old-time, homemade goodness, made with the same fine ingredients you'd use yourself right in your own kitchen. They're delicious served either hot or cold, served plain or garnished with nuts and whipped cream. Get acquainted with the three new delicious desserts. The best way is to buy three packages at a time. So ask your grocer tomorrow for Jello vanilla, butterscotch and chocolate pudding. This is the last number of the sixth program of the new Jello series and we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. I hope you all liked our little play tonight, The Crowd Roars. Gee, Jack, I think you played your part well. You were so natural and convincing. You look so cute in your tights. Oh, Mary, this is only a play on the radio. I'm not wearing tights. Oh, no, take a look. Oh, darn it, my suspenders broke again. Good night, folks. Give me a pin, then. D-S-L-L. Oh! The two in F.D.R. Jones is from Sing Out the News. Kenny Baker appears on the Jello program for courtesy of Mervin the Roy production. This is the national broadcasting program.