 How would you say that our relationship has changed from baby one to baby two? Let me think about it. Do you know what changed? I do know it's changed. The fact that you don't have a thought about this is crazy to me. What's changed? You tell me, I gotta let you answer. What's changed to you? No, I already have my answer. I need to know what yours is genuinely. This video is brought to you by Squarespace, an all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website or engage with your audience and or sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on your terms. Go to squarespace.com slash shambudy to start your free trial, no credit card required. And when you are ready to launch, make sure you go back to squarespace.com slash shambudy because that is how you get 10% off the purchase of a website or a domain. Okay guys, are we gonna get you a birthday? What you gonna do with this camera? Who's coming to your birthday? What a list. Okay, that's your style. I'm trying to go for this. What do we think? Doing too much? I don't think people want you playing with that. You heard me tell Zyla. Are you making cupcakes for your birthday? That's the script. Kevin, what are we doing? First of all, we're making cupcakes for Riley's birthday. We? Yes, Riley's birthday, not my birthday. It's actually my birthday too. It's the day I gave birth. But it's not your birthday. It literally is. It's my birthday. Your birthday is April 2nd. Yes, that's the day that I was born into this world. I now have three birthdays. How does it feel, three years in the game? It's wild. It doesn't make sense. Sometimes I'll be looking at her like, No, you're three? And I'm just like, you are a person. Like this is crazy. It's still surreal. It doesn't make any sense. Yeah. I don't know what happened. I'm old. Yeah, we aged a lot. I got crinkles. My skin is starting to crink. Why you call it crinkles? It's crinkles. It's called wrinkles. It doesn't need a remix. It's crinking. How would you say that our relationship has changed from baby one to baby two? Let me think about it. Do you know what changed? I do know it's changed. The fact that you don't have a thought about this is crazy to me. What's changed? You tell me. I gotta let you answer. What's changed? No, I already have my answer. I need to know what yours is genuinely. I genuinely don't know how much it's changed from baby one to baby two. I can't say more than an appreciation of the delegation between who's watching who at what time. I think that that's the major change. It's just fair. I think that our relationship has a thousand percent improved. That's saying a lot because we were in a good place. Jared and I have been together for eight years now. We have never broken up in that time. We've never really gone through a really tough time in our relationship. There's been phases where it has felt like argument or more frequent. But I think that since having Ziya, it's so much you and me versus problems. Not like you and me versus the kids or you and me versus the world. It's you and me versus whatever problem is there. So if it's like, okay, it's Jared and Shan. Oh, somebody's shit on the ground. Okay, it's you and me versus how do we fix that? All right, cool. You have to go and do this thing for work. Okay, it's you and me versus how do we manage to figure out our life so that can happen? So I think after the first, it was kind of you versus me. I'm trying to hold on to my identity. You're trying to hold on to your identity. We're both trying to figure out who we are as parents. And it's a struggle that happens to find our balance and to make our needs met. But I do now feel like we're working cooperatively together in a way that we just work before. Overall, I think Ziya just allows us to still be us without it being like demanding us to be so different than our natural selves. Yeah. Whereas Ryu is like, no. Why do you think that a lot of dads really struggle to find equal footing in the parenting game? I'm asking you this as somebody who I think is at a really good job at doing this. So as I was saying to you guys, I recently used Squarespace to purchase a site for our professional emails and for our production company. And then I also use that same website, their domain shared entertainment.com to start their appointments feature, which has been a game changer for me. I thought I needed an assistant at one point, but this just makes it so easy to manage. Now, Squarespace provides everything you need to manage your business to accept secure payments to send automatic reminders. And of course, to beautifully showcase your services and more using their website platform. But it's so much more than that. 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And when you decide you want to launch what you have made in your free trial, go to Squarespace.com slash Shambhudi and get yourself 10% off the purchase of a website or a domain. You know what? There is a balance to be had here. Like there is a truth that where men need to step up more, right? But there's also like on the other side of it, our entire programming is like told that men don't have instincts the way moms do. That we're not connected to the baby or what it needs as much because you're breastfeeding and you have an intimate relationship, biological relationship with the baby just from breastfeeding and how much you guys are communicating to each other. So I think there's a lot that's like, maybe I don't know what to do and I should just lean on the mom. And then also too, it's like, you know, you carried the baby for nine months, you gave birth to it. There is a little line where it's like, I got this. Or if we are going to do something, there's like a lot of micromanaging. Pour the milk this way, put it this way, have it at this temperature, shake it that way. Feed her like this, you can't feed her like that. So there's a lot of things that go into why the dad made to be like, you know what, I'm going to let you leave baby. You got this and I'm here to support. This conversation around partnership and reaction to kids is so common in my circle. Like as soon as women, yeah. You guys will be talking about it. I'm like, that's why I believe in conversations because I'm just like, I got to get out of here. And then all your friends, husbands, except for Jonathan, don't be coming around. So I'll be around with the kids and I just be hearing all yappy, yappy, yappy. I think you guys relish in that you're better at it than us. And you make sure that we know that all the time. But make sure to step up. I agree. I agree. I don't want to get attacked here. I agree. Do you think that I make you feel like you're not as good as a parent as me? No, I don't feel that for me. I don't feel that. Anymore. There was a time where I was part of the moms going to be like, I know. I think that a lot of people genuinely don't know how to. And they're just afraid that the kids are going to get bored. The kids are going to get hurt. They're afraid that they don't know what they're doing. And they feel like, well, the other person can just do it better since it might as well go to them. You just have to sit in it. It's not easy to watch kids, especially not for a long period of time. So I think that having two where we became more split, where it's like, you got one, I got one, and then both of us, okay, cool. We had to figure out techniques for each kid, which allowed for an easy trade off. So I just think the time that you put in is what makes you good. And if you are afraid to put in the time because you don't think that you're good, it just becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think it just keeps getting better. I mean, that's the positive thing to me. At the end of the day, we're getting more the hang of it and they're becoming more themselves and more enjoyable to be around. Because let's be honest, you don't have anything common with a baby. You don't. You might think that you have snuggles in common with a baby, but very few babies actually like to snuggle. So you guys just like to do totally different things. And it takes a while before you have genuinely enjoyable times with the kids because you're doing something that you both love. You're watching things that you both enjoy. You're eating foods that you both think are delicious. So we're getting to a place now where Ra-Yu likes to cook and she likes some of the movies we like to watch. We like some of the same games. I can really get into the imagination games so can Jared. So it's getting a lot more fun. I will say too, when Ra-Yu was first born, I was like, I'm not ever going to talk to her like she's a baby. It's going to be an adult conversation all the time. And I'm here like, Ra-Yu. I'm just like, who am I? Who did I become? Why am I doing this baby talk to her? But what you realize as a parent is that you get to see the joy on their face when you're getting into your weird characters with them. And that is more worth it than like my own idea of what I should be talking to my child like. One of my favorite slogans that Jared and I say all the time is life is long. I think that's something that you realize with the kids is like, life is long. We're going to have time to talk like adults. We're going to have time to be strict about getting to school on time. We're going to have time to really get heavily into sports or whatever. Like life is long. It's okay if in this phase right now we're talking like toddlers to you. It's kind of fun. So I think that a lot of the strictness that I had before being a parent is because I'm like, you have to parent one way. Like you got to pick a parenting style and do that for 20 years of their life. And it's like, no, it's a long time with this person and a lot of time with this person. Like you can evolve and you can adapt. You can switch things up and then nothing wrong with that. Now, Jared Brady, I know that you don't like to give advice. But if you were to give a reflection on how you can maintain a healthy romantic partnership through the trials and tribulations of not just one baby, but two. What would you say? I would say you need to really seek out someone you can bounce off your feelings with, not your significant other. It needs to be someone who is wise enough to give you sound advice. We've experienced having a baby. So you have the hindsight to be like, that first year was a very heightened emotional year. It was hard for us to work through any normal problems, let alone things that came up that were really heavy problems during that time. And there should just be grace in space and somebody to bounce off your feelings with that can kind of be like talk you off the ledge or get you to look at the situation with a different perspective. What would you say? I think the thing that can cause the divide should also be the thing that brings you together. I'll say this in two parts, because I think after having one kid, I used to be hyper vigilant about us doing things together with Ryu, like both of us going to the park. And now in hindsight, when I see two parents of one kid at the park, I'm like, why doesn't one of y'all stay home and catch up on Netflix? Or like go and do something fun for yourself because you don't have to do everything together. And especially if you acknowledge that the two of you are already so strained, if one person can take the kid and the other can have a moment and you can have that in equity, it's a really beautiful thing. But nonetheless, I think at least 25% of the time doing things together and delighting in your creation together, delighting in that person that you are raising in this world together. One thing that I love that you and I do, which we never had a formal conversation about this, but Dr. John Gottman talks about the importance of bids in relationship. And that essentially is when your partner asks for your attention, you give it. You're not like, oh my God, or annoyed, or saying no, or like pushing them off till later. You and I are really good at, if someone says look, the other person looks. And we really do that a lot with the kids. Like look at her smile, look at this, look how she's dressing, look at how she's walking, look what they're saying right now, look at what they just did, and look at this video. So I think that's something that can be really, really special that just reminds you like, we're in this together and gosh, isn't it beautiful? Yeah, it's a good advice.