 Okay, so does this sound pretty familiar that you come home after a long day of work, okay? And you you wish that you were social enough to have something to do to go it with friends It seems like a beautiful scenario in your mind But at the same time another part of your brain is saying man I just want to go home be on my own turn off the lights put on some tv Have a meal by myself enjoy the quiet Does that sound like you does that sound like you? If not, you can shut off the video. It's all good. But listen, I want to get in depth here I want to talk to you not as a stupid youtuber But just as a guy as I always do as a guy who's dealt with depression Anxiety for a whole lot of years who has dealt with these things fairly successfully I'm going to tap myself on the back Like to thank family and friends for supporting me for many years and helping me to get to where I am today Now this may be an uncomfortable video for you guys But I want to share some truth with you and with you and what I've learned over the past many years Making friends involves being extremely uncomfortable and doing what you definitely don't want to do in the moment Really when I get home from work in the moment, I don't want to go out I don't want to put in the effort of small talk I don't want to put in the effort of meeting new people I don't want to put in the money it takes to go out to a bar or a place that I don't even really want to go I don't want to even entertain the idea Of making new friends. I don't want to admit that I even need new friends What I really want to do is go home Sit on my butt Play some video games Like I just got mario odyssey. Do you know how good that game is? Do you know lynx adventure? Uh, I think that's what it's called The new one for switch Anyways, I want to go home play video games. All right. I have I have my my wee and the gamecube games like retro style I got snes games. I want to play and finish. I got pubg going on on the computer I got all kinds of stuff that I want to do. I want to read on my own and sit on my couch But then it hit me It really hit me I said to myself, what if I'm doing this 10 years from now that hurts so much What if I'm doing this 10 years from now? What if I'm still going home still going to my condo Still not going out Still want to see a movie still want to Experience a new event go to a concert and I have no one to call on That's when it hurt me See mindfulness and being present in the moment is fantastic, but we still need to plan for the future We still need to think and project ourselves into the future or else we wouldn't change a damn thing a lot of the time So if you project yourself into the future Because this is the real the title of this video the real reason you're lonely The real reason that you haven't connected with people Is that's the first thing you need to do project yourself into the future. What do you see? Who are you? Who are you with? Are you married? Do you have a dog? Are you in the same condo same apartment same basement apartment same house still living with your parents? Have you moved out? Are you in a different country a different city same city? Hmm project yourself into the future give yourself 10 years. It's not about the career question that you got in high school Where do you see yourself in 10 years scott? I don't freaking know That's the stupidest question ever, but when we talk about our our relationships What we want out of life in a deeper sense not just what do you want to do for a living? This is the important stuff Where do you see yourself socially? Where do you see yourself psychologically in the future? Ask yourself that question. Okay, so what may pop up for you and it did for me Is that I don't want the same routine 10 years from now So what does that mean? I may as well take some steps take charge right now In order to make sure that I'm not where I am 10 years from now I get a lot of emails right about Mostly men and they're like They have some trouble and trauma with their relationship with their parents or brothers or uncles or aunts And they say all I just don't want to end up like how they are I don't want to end up like my dad I don't want to end up like my older brother And I say my friend by you admitting that right away by you saying I don't want to end up Here or there you won't you've already realized that's what you don't want The people that end up in shitty situations Haven't had the time to project Their sense of self into the future that's step one. Okay, that's step one So the real reason you may be lonely right now Is you've been doing the same thing over and over and over again and haven't had that self projection Okay, that's part one here, but the part two is really really important. Okay, so let's say you don't want to be Where you're at right now. You know that you need friends You need a deeper relationship with your family. Maybe you want a girlfriend or boyfriend These are all good things and I admit that these are scary things to admit to yourself They are and that's okay to feel that That's okay to know. Okay. I'm not where I'm supposed to be right now Supposed to is a really strange way to word that actually Maybe I know where I want to be And although I'm not fully content right now I can still be in the present moment, but I know that 10 years from now I want to be in a different place that may bring me more contentment and fulfillment in my life. How does that sound? Okay So you don't want to be lonely You feel lonely. Is that true? Okay, I don't want to come down hard on you here, but this is the first step. It's getting uncomfortable You know easy it is for me to say I don't deal with depression and anxiety. You know easy that is for me But you know it's harder to admit You know it was harder years ago to admit that I need more friends That hit me harder. It's embarrassing Right and the truth is More people are lonelier than ever before and it's something we're not talking about because it is really uncomfortable and it's embarrassing Do you feel a little embarrassed admitting that to yourself? Because that's okay It's okay to feel embarrassed The point is you're making a mental note right now write it down Use one of the depression to expression journals in the merch site Write down. Okay. This is where I'm at I feel a little lonely right now. I want more friends in the future projecting your sense of self Step two. I just want you to realize something right now Okay, you're lonely because well you have no friends. You haven't connected with someone on a deep level Okay, you need to take more chances. You need to get out there. You need to Express your true self no matter how weird That self might be That's okay You're gonna get rejected. You're gonna go out. People aren't gonna like you. You're not gonna connect on a deep level You meet a hundred people in a year Okay, you meet a hundred people you put in all the effort and you meet one Person one other guy one other girl that you connect with It's worth it It's so worth it That's the success rate. Don't think that every time you go out when you make the effort That you're supposed to meet a whole new group of friends and you're supposed to be comfortable right away And you're supposed to tell someone that yeah, I do feel lonely and I have depression and anxiety and finally I can talk to you no One step at a time It's the success rate Count it as one percent If you hit that one percent success rate my friends That's a beautiful score So I want you to set up your expectations here. I'm inviting you to set up these expectations saying every time I go out I'll meet people, but I may not meet a best friend just yet. Let's meet a hundred people first, okay There's gonna be future videos on how to actually have these conversations and talk to strangers And there's a course coming out blah blah blah, but The third thing, okay, so first is projecting yourself in the future second thing Is knowing that the success rate is about one percent and the third thing is to know your value Oh my goodness my friends How to express this It frustrates me and almost brings me to tears That people who are watching this video don't know how valuable and how cool they actually are Like how awesome they are how awesome you are It it infuriates me Because I know the people that are out there and I walk by bars in Toronto and I see people In this wearing a damn mask in this facade all day and they just seem like d bags meanwhile you Not to judge other people. I'm just telling you what I think sometimes But you someone so cool who I believe has something more to offer Someone who wants to have deeper conversations Wants to offer different perspectives You're the one who might stay at home And you're not offering that intelligence And that different perspective and that weird mind to the world There's so many sheep out there. Everyone's a damn sheep And you're you're not a sheep So it infuriates me that I just want to tell you whoever you are If you think you're boring If you think you're socially awkward If you think you'll have nothing to talk about if you go out If you're if you think you'll be judged when you go out Maybe you want to go to a bar. Maybe you want to go to a movie alone one time If you think you're going to be judged going out in public You're wrong You're absolutely 100 percent wrong You have a Mmm, I don't want to cry yet, but I might you have a gift Of just being a human being With the same needs we all have The need to be loved the need to be wanted the need to be understood and the need to share And you're letting somebody else you're letting the world Do that for themselves and you're not doing it for you Do you know how badly I want to make more money just so I can fly and meet People in my youtube audience. Do you know how badly I want to do that? Do you know how badly I want to do that? To meet People who think they're not Worth something that they're not valuable just because they don't have this incredible set of social skills Because they can't make jokes up like that because they're not sharp like that No comebacks because they don't drink alcohol and can't go to bars because they're not good at darts because they've never been axe throwing Put all that BS behind you. Are you a unique human being? Do you have a special talent? Sure you do Are you the same as me? Absolutely not. Are you the same as your brother your sister your mom your dad the people you work with? Absolutely not you have something unique to offer and I want you to work on 2020 knowing that the real reason you're lonely Is because you're not putting in enough effort Okay, because you think the success rate should be too high when you go out And because you don't go out in the first place because you think you're not worthy of love And it's a weird thing to yell. You're not worthy of love, but you are You so are and I Doing my best to be able to express that more maybe maybe more I don't know a little more clear the best way I could do that is meet you in person and give you a hug and let you know My goodness my friends I want you to know just the power that you have just by being human just by making mistakes just by having your own stories The things you've learned the things you've failed at how you've succeeded what you've learned throughout your lifetime That is gold to people like me and people out there And they want to hear it The world needs more people like you We don't need more actors. We don't need more golden globes and oscars. We don't need More politicians. We need more beautiful human beings We need more us So get out there You don't need to be lonely It's a choice You have all year to change it the goal Meet a hundred people this year And you'll find one new best friend And if you have no one to talk to you can always talk to me all links in the description Love you all stay strong. Keep being you Express yourself and kick loneliness in the butt in 2020