 So today we're going to talk about the five mini signs a man shows. He really likes you These are mini tiny. By the way, never do that in front of a guy always go tiny. Okay. All right So I'm sure you've heard things like a man will be attentive if he likes you He will plan dates if he likes you he will progress the Relationship if he likes you and he will be very direct about commitment. That's how a man shows He likes you and those are obvious, right? Those are fairly obvious But what about those subtle little signs that a man shows or even a woman shows that they genuinely care about this Relationship therein. See, here's the thing unconscious people broken people Selfish people rarely do the little things to establish the deeper bond in relationship Let me repeat that the unconscious broken or selfish people rarely do these things Now many of you are familiar with my Chart called the three types of people actively dating Please forgive the shininess and the reflection here But you can see it says the three teeth types of people actively dating They're and they're broken up in brackets of 20 percent 60 percent and 20 percent and this is not a fact It's merely an opinion 20 percent of people are users They seek short-term gain their love bombers their players their gold diggers. Those are the entitled people They only care about their needs being that and while on the bottom or the the other side of the coin the grower and builders These seek long-term commitments They are emotionally grown up Right. I got to see this They have good relationship skills They have their act together and yet the vast majority of everybody falls into this spender category This is true for men and women alike. They seek companionship. They seek connection. They seek coupling or sex No direction Uncertain fearful Usually have a dysfunctional life So here's the tricky part of why I'm sharing this with you because even some of those that the users They're not going to Exhibit very many of the things that we're going to talk about today those grown-up Men those grown-up women those those grower and builders. They will absolutely Demonstrate this I mean you don't even have to give it a second thought the challenge is the spenders because they kind of give you a Little taste they kind of give you a little taste in the early stage of dating This this is all wrapped up in the luster limerence phase when we're in lust and limerence I mean the chemicals are so palpable When you are physically and sexually attracted to another human being that the stuff that comes out of our mouth I'm saying our because I am guilty of what I'm sharing today. I'm guilty of of Exaggerating I'm guilty of of love bombing. I'm guilty of painting a future picture that never came to fruition Hope I'm better at this now. I'd like to think going into the next one. I will be a lot better We'll see what happens But I will tell you these feelings are so palpable that the words that come out of our mouth may not be indicative of How the relationship is going to unfold over a period of time? You see the real The real tipping point Really centers day it comes down to about being all in all in Are you familiar with all in means? Like damned of torpedoes Full steam ahead. We are gonna climb to the top of the mountain and we are gonna get through this chasm We are going to get through everything. We are all in See it used to be hundreds if not thousands of years ago people got married in a rather short period of time that demonstrated an all-in There was a sacred bond to commitment Now there is no need for a sacred bond in fact The vast majority of humans are in casual relationships. I think casual relationships Situationships friends with benefits Probably outnumber marriages here in the United States. Let me repeat that. I don't think I've ever said this before I believe that casual relationships Situationships we'll talk about situations. Oops in a second Friends with benefits probably out numbers the amount of married couples out in The world today or at least here in the United States Now if you're not familiar with Situationship these are two people that are having physical intimacy with each other on a regular basis, but they have not Put a label on it They have not agreed to monogamy and exclusivity one person may be wanting monogamy and exclusivity But the other person hasn't agreed to it. Those are known as Situationships and let me put a thumbnail right here ladies if you are having physical intimacy with a man you have every right to gain clarity particularly in the area of monogamy if that's something you desire and you absolutely have the the right to ask for some level of of exclusivity Isn't it interesting I said some level I guess for each person that might mean something different, but I do believe that You know, it's sad You know, it's sad about dating today There is a real lack of respect For other human beings that by the way, and you ladies are just as guilty of what I'm about to say I've spoken to women Very recently who basically have told me they're not ready for a relationship And yet they are happy to go out with a man to get a free meal. Okay So you're just as users just as much as men. Okay So, um, you can be let me reframe that you can be users just as much as men can be so By the way, I put those tacky things here because I want the collars to stay like that But I didn't do a good job Which is kind of interesting because it relates to one of our five mini signs a man shows he really likes you so Okay Why am I bringing up this all in because here's the bottom line if you find yourself going down the exploration of a fully committed relationship with someone it is imperative that you have deeper Conversation sooner rather than later Let me repeat that is imperative. It's a moral imperative. Let's let's even make it a moral issue. It's a moral imperative To have conversations. In fact, if you're not familiar with the work of dr. Stan Tatkin, I Want everyone to write this someone write this in the chat box the 10 commandment for relationship essentials This is by dr. Stan Tatkin okay The 10 asset commandments for a relationship essentials can someone put that in the chat box or in the comment section These are 10 agreements people should should make with each not should I invite people to make with each other If they're having regular fit physical intimacy with one another because quite frankly today with friends with benefits I mean, we're just it's a cheaper version of prostitution to some degree. Oh, excuse me I'm supposed to say sex worker. Okay It's a less expensive version of it Because you don't have to get a hotel room. So anyway, um, let me just give you the first commandment thou shalt protect the safety and security of thy relationship at all costs Now there I'm not going to go through all 10 thou shalt base the relationship untrue Mutuality remembering that all decisions and actions must be good for thee and for thine partner You know and the list goes on. Why am I stressing this? because you know today It's all about attraction and romance. It's all about gaining attraction. It's all about romance By the way, you ladies many of you feel very Entitled to romance as a way to give your body to another human being But let me just tell you something the road most romantic man doesn't necessarily mean they're even remotely capable of Being in a healthy happy relationship. I continually say romance should be reserved for Committed relationship not as an entry point into relationship so I'm stressing this right now the importance of stressing this is Because if you want to build a relationship with someone it starts by establishing very early on The rules of engagement What are our rules of engagement folks? Many of you know my dating vows here's a by the way in the show notes There's something called my dating vows. Okay. I'm just gonna read this to you But I say to you I've said this before and I'll say it again Have you ever heard the saying women are the gatekeepers the sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment the dating vow much like the ten Commandments for a saint or a relationship essentials Establishes some guidelines early on if two people are going to explore a relationship together including physical intimacy and It goes like this. I Agree by each one of you agree to this I agree to explore the process of getting to know you went the intent to declare something serious within three to six months Doesn't take a person much more than three to six months to know they want to be all in with you I Agree to be monogamous sexually while we're having regular sex together. That's a fair request ladies and Step except many of you have duct tape over your mouth I'm not willing to make that. I'm not willing to make that request. I have duct tape on my mouth Beer, okay, I recognize that many of you have a legitimate fear about speaking your truth This is a core wound that has probably been established from your childhood where you couldn't speak up Growing up. I get that and have a great amount of compassion for you But the end of day when it comes to physical intimacy you have the capacity to make these agreements You can agree to not actively seek to meet date others while you're in the dating process Including taking down your dating profiles You agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back ghosting or disappearing And you agree to invest regular time in the process again to know you which looks like and many of you know what? I I'm I'm seeking a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual Interest spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills Both in our personal our professional life intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that leads either moving in together getting married That's the rules of engagement. That's the standard. I Invite you all to establish what your standard is now. I get that 90% of people Will think this is stupid. I bet you 90% of people would think the dating vows are stupid I can tell you I get calls from clients By the way, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you Then the for in the show notes I Get calls from clients all the time the men love it He emotionally grown up men Not the unconscious broken or itself ish man. No, he's not gonna like this one bit He doesn't want to have any rules. I do not rules. They're more guidelines Okay, but he doesn't want to make agreements because he's not serious So what do emotionally grown up men? How do they show they like you? I'm gonna be candid with you. I came up with these from my own personal experiences. Okay So there's gonna be a little bit of me in this one So the five mini signs and again mini means mini not mini mini signs Remember never do this in front of a guy always do this The first mini sign He pays attention to what you like. He pays attention to what you like So let me give you an example. Oh my first relationship after my divorce. I met a really fantastic woman We only dated for three months. I was a train wreck when I met her And she was coming over to my house for the first time Well, I went to her home several times and I noticed she drank I don't know if they make this anymore. It was called Penta water Penta P. E. N. T. A. I believe Penta water So I made sure to go the grocery store and buy a couple of the things that I knew she liked She didn't ask me to do this. I wanted to do this because I liked this person It's funny Many of you know that I lost a child. There's a picture of Connor right there. That's his brother Colin You know and I gave their gave his eulogy I Said something, you know, most parents love their children. They genuinely love their children. Here's those sticker things But you know, it's interesting. I like both my boys. I like them Like not everybody likes their children. They might love their children, but they might not like them I think like is a very powerful emotion When you like someone you can have friends in your lives that you love, but you don't necessarily like them You can have brothers and sisters that you love, but you don't necessarily like them. I Think like is a very powerful emotion And I'm here to say when a man likes a woman He'll pay attention To what she likes and he's gonna make effort to make that available to her okay number two He remembers something important to you. He remembers something important to you. You might have said something three months ago And he brings it up in the conversation. He might say something like do you remember this? Do you remember when you told me about that vacation you had at age 12 and you mentioned? Going to Yosemite You know Yosemite, let's see. Let's go. Let's pick another place You went to Six Flags Magic Mountain in in Los Angeles. It's an amusement park He goes I just saw an ad for that and made me think of that time that you shared that with me He actually remembers something that might have been important to you if you shared something important to him He will actually remember it. That is a great sign See when you're sharing something at an emotional level at a viscerally emotional level like some Experience that really made a difference in your life I don't know why I picked Six Flags Magic Mountain just popped in my head haven't been there in 40 years Thing is if you share something that was viscerally important to you Viscerally important to you. He's gonna remember that Because he likes you he can feel the energy When you shared that and he felt it for himself and it made an imprint for him He will remember something that was important to you. That's a great sign that he really likes you number three Okay, again, I shared these are gonna be personal things In my last relationship. I began dressing nicer. I happened to live by the ocean I live at the beach I happen to be a jeans and flip-flop kind of guy, but the relationship I was in she liked that well sharp dressed man And so many of you notice that I no longer wear those t-shirts with sayings on them I dress a little nicer. It's because I I cared I knew it was something important to her and I wanted to make her happy We will do things to improve ourselves It's like that line from as good as it gets you make me want to be a better man That is a great Demonstration that a man really likes you when he wants to do things for himself that improves his life Now to some degree did I do it for her? Yeah, but I got to tell you something. I remember wearing a sport coat on our first Trip where we got on an airplane. I liked how it felt. I liked looking a little bit sharper So it wasn't only for me. It wasn't only for her It was for me too in other words. I wanted to improve upon myself That was a reflection of how I felt about her But it also got to mirror and I'm not saying it's this specific example per se It could be a multitude examples might be physical health where they exercise just a little bit more Because they really like you they might diet a little bit more because they really like you whatever it is they work on improving themselves And for me it just happened to be I wanted to dress a little bit nicer because it was something I knew she liked in number four You guys are gonna laugh at this one. I think this is important I really do is putting the toilet seat down Well, you might think that should be an expectation from your perspective from our perspective most men Especially if they live by themselves, we don't need to do that Only when we need to go number two now I do know that there are men who sit when they pee But when someone's in our lives and we care about them when we like them will The real point of this is we consciously make effort Recognizing that we men might do some things different than you Now I've never by the way ladies. Why is it you don't put the toilet seat up for us? I that one I'd really like to have an answer on that one why it doesn't go the other way around but I will tell you this You see an unconscious man doesn't care Doesn't care about the toilet seat a broken man doesn't care a selfish man doesn't care He doesn't care. He's like go to another bathroom. You can keep the seat down all you want That's how broken on you know unconscious selfish people lack but a man who genuinely cares He's gonna make the effort and let me be first to one to admit We will forget and make a mistake every now and again and God forbid it isn't two in the morning when you got to go the But I do believe It's a Demonstration because if again if a man is lit by himself for quite a bit of time and he's not Doesn't do it habitually Becomes a pattern and it to change that pattern requires Liking someone because we don't like it. We probably won't do it and The fifth sign and I think this is the most important He listens but doesn't try to fix He listens but doesn't try to fix men innately want harmony and we believe in solving problems But I say when a man can genuinely hold space for you when you just simply want to Unload I Was in a relationship with a woman. We had it. We had a code sign. She would say I Need I need your advice meant she's gonna share something with me But that meant I want you to give me your opinion or give me your suggestion Okay, so she'd either say I want your advice or she would say I need you to hold the basket I need you to hold the basket and what that meant was she's gonna vomit Whatever what needed to be vomited and I would just attentively listen. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh Knowing that that's what she needed I've got to the point she didn't even need to do that anymore, but we had that little system to begin with I'm here to say that but I want to take it a little step deeper When he's actually listening to you while he's holding the basket He's really caring about you in that moment He genuinely a man who is a grower builder not that user not that spender the man who's the grower builder He genuinely wants harmony for you, but he will hold the space until you invite him in to actually Request some improvement or some other change going on folks. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know these are subtle little things that you might think are big But if they're kind of small to us For some men it might be monumental That's probably because they're a spender who is trying to become a grower builder Okay, and it might be monumental to do this work, but the end of the day the grower builders they want harmony They want you to be happy they pay attention They care and That's how you distinctively can tell the difference and let me tell you the grower and builders want all in Relationships they will not settle for anything less than an all-in relationship because if you're not both all in it's casual Means you can step out on it at any time, and I hope you're not seeking that kind of relationship Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know if it is post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts. I do my best to read them all in the first 24 hours If this did resonate with you, please hit that like button Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos And if you want to schedule a discovery call with me or join my group called midlife Love Master or follow me on Instagram in the show notes below and in the first comment There'll be ways to connect with me directly. All right All right Those who know my format know if you have a question Write the word question and then post the question thereafter or you can purchase a super sticker super chat There's a little dollar sign the chat box, and if you're watching the replay There's a super. Thanks next to some of the buttons on top all the monies from the super Sticker super chat goes through a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor as light again. That's him right there It's my son who passed away over five years ago and his honor We donate to causes like the Hoffman process Insight Institute and certainly and we donate to scholarships within the coaching as well So click that little dog and our goal tonight is $50. So let's get some love tonight Oh, and if you want to join the hot seat, I just put a link so you can join the hot seat and talk to me live, okay? All right, I see Arlene is in the house Why would someone that you're dating which is new within the first five days be asking about financial portfolio? Why would someone push their issue when I specific when I specified it's too early? You know, that's a good question All right, so I want you to be aware of a book called eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman. Okay Arlene All right chapter two Excuse me chapter four The cost of love work and money. Okay, let's come back this book by eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman These are eight essential Conversations I think having a conversation about money might feel awkward might feel inappropriate. It might be too early But if two people are going to explore a relationship I think it's imperative to talk about money as early as you possibly can five dates If you're starting to have sex any time, okay So here's the way I view everything the minute two people have physical intimacy That opens the door to any conversation you wish to have that's how I view it any Conversation you wish to have the minute two people are doing it if you catch my drift So it might have felt uncomfortable for you. So did you ask him? Why okay? So did you ask him? Why is this important to you? Can you share with me? What was the? Intent what was the inspiration to ask these questions? Did you dig deeper beyond the surface? Well, Jonathan, I'm just told to sit back in my feminine energy and let the man lead and I'm supposed to do this How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day I it's important that we have a lot of surface conversations in the beginning Jonathan because we have to build that trust Yeah, right Trust is built through surface conversations. No trust is built through deeper conversations So I'm not to suggest money Should be but you could ask what what is the importance of money to you? You can ask value questions related to money You can pull up the book it gives you great examples in the book of Questions you could use so I'm here to say that while it might have felt uncomfortable to you Money is an important topic given that 50% of divorces cite money is the primary cause for the divorce We should have the conversations about money way sooner in my opinion. Okay All right, let's keep going by the way Little love super sticker super chat for Connor. I'd really appreciate it And don't forget to join the hot seat. Okay J9 J9 get it J8 nine Question, how can I sure? How can I be sure I don't fall for another narcissist? you know There are gazillion videos about narcissists When a person steps into their power They are less susceptible when you give your power to another human being you're more susceptible to a narcissist Here's the thing. There's a lot of confusion about true narcissism versus garden variety selfishness I think the vast majority of humans men and women are like are rather Selfish myopic to some degree. So I think sometimes what happens is a person is labeled a narcissist when they were just garden variety selfish. Um, I Would say avoid having sex too soon And I say avoid having sex wait a while to get to know one another do or do social activities hobbies mutual interest spend time with family And friends do things together In non-sexual ways to get a better sense of who the person is but I don't believe I don't believe there is some list that you can check off ahead of time For my opinion, but I will say this if you give your power away You are more likely you're going to be more susceptible to a narcissist if you have a okay So what is look giving your power away look like okay? Let's talk about that for a second Where's my notes on giving your power away? Here hold on one second Where's my notes I have seven ways women give their power away The relationship is always on his terms. That's one way Here's my list Seven ways women give their power away Relationship is on his terms you abandon your standards and boundaries. You're afraid to speak your truth with him When the relationship ends the focus is all on him and not on yourself You're always waiting for him to initiate contact because you need validation You stop doing your pre relationship life You're feeling like he's the only person you can live with you know can't can't live without You think this is the only person in the entire universe. You'll have chemistry with these are just some simple examples How women give their power away? This is why I invite everyone to read my book. It's not a relating book What the heck a self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work all the books I recommend are listed below But there is no one simple test someone could take at least that I'm aware of okay Let's go. Oh Diane is in the house Do men of good character run from women that cause drama? Yeah Well, some men have good character, but they have a childhood wound They have a wound from their parents Where they were so used to drama in their lives That they will attract drama if you're not familiar with the work of Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt Highly recommend reading the book getting the love you want Harvelle Hendricks Helen Hunt Okay, this will teach you about the Amago Amago. I am a G. Oh, I am a G. Oh, okay People with good character can still choose I I all too often witness this I I know of people who have High drama women in their life and these are men that I think have high character I'm also aware that it's most likely a childhood wound and then they rationalize it for themselves I think that is that is a quite Possibly what could be happening, but emotionally grown-up men that's different see high character is different than emotional grown-up Emotional grown-up is repelled by drama a person of character just means that they In my opinion character means they pay their bills on time. They're kind of others They don't use people but that doesn't necessarily mean an emotional grown-up. Now if you ask does an emotional grown-up run from a woman of drama Yeah, yeah, most often. Yes, they do All right, Suzanne is in the house. By the way, we'd like some love so donate to the Connor Asley scholarship fund Do you think Suzanne says do you think some guys leave or run from a Relationship truly out of fear or mental issues, or do you think they are spenders and users who didn't care? Well, I think most spenders and users are people with meant that have clinical issues. I Think a user has clinical issue and I think a spender has emotional trauma And fear. Yeah, so I mean, I there they're one in the same most spenders and users are typically Rather wounded people that have done little or no personal development self-help and spiritual work to move past their wounds If you're not familiar with the book The Hoffman process the Hoffman process This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and adult traumas But you can't give this book to a guy and expect him to change I would read this book for yourself because this will be gold for you In vetting and again my whole area of expertise is teaching discernment. I have I mean I get calls from clients all the time It's amazing women who make investment in my private coaching. I get calls Jonathan. I met a great guy Jonathan I met a great guy Jonathan. I met a great guy and they know the difference. There's just something about the work That changes how you who you choose going forward. So to answer your question Yeah, most people run away because they're broken when I say the word broken I mean, I know on a spiritual level every human being is divine I don't mean it from that perspective. I just mean they're wounded and they're suffering. That's what I mean by broken Missy D says do looks cause a man to turn a blind eye to horrible person she may be Oh Yeah, do you guys ever watch the housewives shows? I'm sorry. There are some in my opinion This is purely my opinion. There are well first off the men are jackasses So I and but I will say there are some despicable women on that show and yeah looks I mean Men will do stupid things Because of their penis. I'm gonna tell you something for their ego. Yeah, a lot of men will but why do you care? That's another good question. Why do you care or do let me reframe that do you care? And if you do care, why do you care? All right, let's keep going Kara's in the house a man. I met a few times Became overly familiar with me by telling me to hug him always wanted to sit near me randomly touching me Non-sexual ways. What is this approach? Man, I'm a few familiar with me by telling me. I mean he obviously is I Mean, I'm gonna assume that he's rather attracted to you and he's trying to get your attention And he probably has no verbal skills to express it So he's doing it and most this sounds very cringy to me and he probably let lack some social decorum I guess what's the real question? Why do you care? See when you can establish your boundary What am I doing that gives you permission to do this? What am I doing to give you permission to to Act the way you're doing towards me. What am I doing? That might be something you might want to say Am I giving off some sort of vibe that gives you permission to do what you're doing? I mean, I can't tell if he's truly crossed a boundary or not But that would what am I doing to basically what am I doing that makes you think this is okay? What am I doing that makes you think this okay? Okay All right, Eleanor is in the house Is it wrong having coffee with people of other sex while dating someone else? I Guess it depends on the intent depends on the intent if You are if you have some if it depends on their intent your intent, so I mean is it wrong? I mean no, I mean I have coffee with clients all the time Okay, well while I'm in relationship. I've had coffee with women of the opposite sex. Is that wrong? No I mean yes, we could say it's professional But even friends I've gotten together with I have a female friend of mine who we get together for drinks Every couple three or four months while I was in relationship. I would meet up with my friend Tammy There was nothing wrong with it because the intent was very clean It's when the intent isn't clean that that's when I think it's wrong Hey folks is the donation button not working. I guess there's some issue with it I'll talk to I'll make a note of that But thanks for letting me know Donation button. Okay, so let's see what else we have. Hey join the hot seat. I'd like to come on I'd like to have some interaction here. You know me. I know listen I can be a real dick at times, so I apologize. I'll try to be a tamer version if you're willing to join me live Hey beach lover says Friday I start the Hoffman process in Canada way to go beach lover. We're so happy for you. Are there any beaches in Canada? I Guess there are in Vancouver, so that's you a beautiful beach there. Okay, I missy D If an ex with money only wants friends with benefits after reuniting decades later And you turn him down because you don't care about his money now three years later. He really wants to try I Don't understand the question I mean if is he paying you to have sex with them? I mean, do you want to have sex with them? But missy you can do whatever you want, you know, just remember That you can get rather attached to someone when you're having physical intimacy Not that there's anything wrong with two people listen I am very guilty of having one night stands in my life Okay, or having friends with benefits in my life I the most important thing is to be upfront with one another the problem is Usually the lines get very blurry on the friendship And so but again open honest communication Listen adults can do whatever they want, you know, so long as there is informed consent So I don't know where the money has anything to do with that other than he might take you out Hey, and that Paul just gave us a 99 cent stupor sticker. That means we're $49 away from our goal of $50 tonight Thanks for the love and that All right Who wants to join the hot seat? Come on. I'd like to have some love live Okay, Tatia says how can you date successfully when it seems you're never your best self? There is always something gained a few extra pounds issues with My or my own parents issues with health love love love this question Look at life is always going to get in the way Question is how do you feel about yourself if you feel down on yourself? Then it's going to be very difficult to give yourself to another human being on an emotional level if you feel down about yourself So first is come to acceptance for who you are because here's the thing Relationships there's a lot of folks. I'm going to be very candid with you sometimes I Reflect on the fact that I'm not currently in a relationship and who am I to be giving dating and relationship advice if I'm not in a relationship And yet I look back in my life. I remember my first girlfriend out of college We had a one-year relationship. I was so clueless back then Pretty soon met my now ex-wife we were together 15 years I was rather clueless then but I you know, thankfully, you know, I fathered two children We built a little bit of a life together and you know, thankfully she and I have a good relate working relationship with each other After all of these years Then I've had some short-lived relationships that'll last to the few months And I even had a relationship that lasted six years on and off that Relationship taught me so much about myself and when that relationship ended I was single and When I real and I was I was by myself for five years before I met my next partner and In those five years there was a lot of healing to be done. I lost my mother. I lost my son Folks Tatya, I know you're going through your own stuff. I lost a child. I poured my energy into writing my book What the heck is self-love anyway? I Started to learn to enjoy my own company and when the universe saw fit Attracted another relationship. Many of you know me. I've talked about Marie. We were together for 14 months lived together nine of those months For the first time I like I actually felt like what it was like to go all in and while we weren't There was some Issues that probably could have been figured out sooner. I know that the universe God universe spirit Whomever you look up to in a divine way Wanted me to have this 14 month relationship because I needed more healing in my life I needed to grow And I am so grateful for so many wonderful experiences with this Relationship and it wasn't meant to go to distance. That's okay And now I'm by myself right now and I'm learning to appreciate my own company I haven't really gone on any dates And that relationship ended six months ago because I'm still Working on myself and when the universe sees fit to Put someone in my path my hope is I have the radar to go after her and she can go after me so to speak And I'll do my next evolution of healing because in relationship is when we grow as a person When two people are really truly ready to grow As an individual and both of them are ready to grow as an individual Then they merge together as a couple for that deeper healing that can only happen when you're in a relationship if life is getting in the way It's not that life is getting in your way. It is how you feel about yourself That is getting in the way. So I would encourage you do the inner work so you can feel good about yourself in these areas Because look there's always going to be a calamity. There's going to be a death. There's going to be A car accident. There's going to be health issues that are going to happen But that doesn't mean you can't that you should be precluded From finding a partner to explore that next evolution Ah, thank you, toddy. I appreciate that question Sunshine 88 says jonathan would be perfect for heather andrew's fashion after 40 on youtube She's done the hoffman process in near redondo beach. Well, I've got to look her up then Wow, who's this person? heather andrews Someone I got to write this down heather andrews. She's in redondo beach heather andrews Uh fashion After 40 okay, thank you for the referral redondo beach All right, come on. Let's someone join the hot seat with me. Don't be bashful. I'll try to be nice Suzanne's in the house Is it possible a guy could fall in love and run away due to his brokenness even though he loves you so many say So many say a guy would never end a relationship if he really loves you I think if a person isn't whole within themselves their capacity to love is diminished And I do believe many people find themselves in what's known as unhealthy love Believing it's love because love is pure But love has no attachment you can be you can love someone and not be in relationship with them See love love in and of itself is not an indicator of relationship success And certainly if a person is emotionally wounded, it's very difficult for them to give themselves fully in a relationship So the answer is yes A guy could run away. Absolutely a woman can run away too. It's not singular to a gender But yes, that is absolutely a true possibility Um, hey leaps is in the house. Good to see you. Thanks for being in the house Um, Stephanie says that's beautiful jonathan. Thank you. I don't know what I said that's beautiful, but thank you I appreciate it Again heather andrews fashion 40. She's done the Hoffman process Um There's 10k single people you're not matched with on apps Yes, that is true Hey susanne just gave us a $10 super sticker. That means we're 38 dollars away or 39 dollars away from all the love I was hoping we'd get tonight Oh anderson anderson anderson, okay Uh, not andrews. Thank you for that correction. So who wants to my friend should be on the hot seat sun micro Who else is in bed? Missy says who else in bed? No makeup in slob clothes and absolutely will not get on the hot seat for these reasons Oh, come on. What do you I mean? Don't be shy. Come on. It would be fun Hmm, okay, so I want to read to you my latest instagram post Um, let me just read this to you. Okay um Okay, so the meme here's the meme, okay Can you see that? Having sex too soon in the dating process has a way of painting red flags in the green Which is to say once you've bonded with someone we can overlook misalignment just saying it's a jonathan quote Okay, I want to read this to you Red flags are not necessarily bad or negative things as most would think Many confuse red flags with deal breakers Like if a person gave a 10 tip to a wait staff or they suggested a coffee day That action or suggestion was viewed as that person being cheap thereby considering it a deal breaker By the way, they might have felt the service sucked and there's a good reason why some people suggest coffee, but that's another conversation A red flag simply means asking more questions and more importantly seeking to understand Who they are as a person rather than making snap judgments? Here's the tricky part the minute two people are sexually intimate all objectivity goes out the window Sex has a way of bonding or attaching to another before trust is built Or assessing if they're capable of a serious relationship The purpose of dating is to vet for compatibility versus scratching the itch of pleasure as so as As many so often do I had a guy write I need to have sex quickly to determine if she's lame in bed That's what some guy wrote on my instagram I'm not here to be puritan about sex, but i'm here to say If you're going to explore a relationship with someone not the not those people that's or just have a short term fling or a short term experience i'm talking about those that are going to explore a relationship My whole coaching program is based on On discernment on on going deeper than the surface like so many do yet sadly Surface relationships tends to be the norm casual relationships Situationships and friends with benefits now outnumber marriages here in the united states That saddens me You know the question could be is marriage an outdated institution What are we going to do for those of us in midlife? You know Do you want to be 70 and still dating do you want to be 80 and still dating someone? Do you want to be 80 and driving back and forth to each other's homes at what point? Are you going to go all in with someone and say you know what? I'm going to be there for you even when it gets ugly My mom and dad did that for each other. They were all in My mom cut out early. She died my my mother died at 88 when my father was 92 He is now 98 and a half years old He didn't expect that he always thought he would go first But they had 66 years together You know, what are we doing at midlife at age 60? Do you want to be Do you want to be in a relationship with someone where you're driving back and forth to each other's home 10 years later? 15 years later 20 years later Like what do you want? Missy says why do you think so many marriages fail? I think sadly Humans are rather dysfunctional And they've done little or no, but I think the okay. Here's my opinion This is another chart. Please forgive the glare Emotional maturity and relationship skill chart. That's not a fact. That's merely an opinion I believe 20 of the population men and women have clinical Emotional or clinical issues with respects their emotional maturity in their relationship skills And while I say 20% are healthy I'm being very generous because most everybody is dysfunctional Myself included I got dysfunction in my life I think that's the why I think relationship skills are rather Weak for most people. They don't have good skills. They haven't read the book like oh my god every every couple Should make this a priority reading together when the penis goes inside the vagina on a regular basis They should be reading this book together I think if this would solve a lot of problems By the way, I want to give thanks to both beach lover and margaret for the for the love. I really appreciate that Okay, beach lover and margaret. Thank you so much. Yeah, I think before I think well If two people are having regular sex together, they should be reading this book together That's why most relationships fail is because they don't work on the relation You know, we are such a fucking selfish society. It is so much about entertainment Do you know, I heard a female A tiktok video where a female was telling women if a guy asked you out on a coffee date Reject him like that was the advice reject him for the because he because he's cheap. Okay A rich guy could take you out to a $500 dinner and he could still be a jackass in an asshole And the guy who took you out to coffee just merely wanted to connect with you in an informal way Rather than trying to impress you But you see for that see if it's about us impressing you you are already behind the eight ball And by the way, many entitled women believe they deserve that level of of romance As their cost of doing business That's just my opinion anyway. Okay. I'm going off on a tangent Let's ask here Drew morris says what book do you suggest? I just found out my boyfriend has a rare brain cancer I wonder why he was in my path. I have done so much inner work. I'm there for him You know, it's interesting. I had a woman on a dating app write the following. Let me share this with you Okay, I think you might find this interesting. This is on bumble So she wrote the following to me um Now she knows I lost a child so she said the following To see you is to see a soul that elected quite the course load This semester in earth school Far as I can tell the loss of a child is a human challenge like none other and yet you smile in virtually all your pictures I want to read that again The your soul It's it to see you is to see a soul that elected quite the course load this semester in earth school Far as I can tell loss of a child is a human challenge like none other And yet you smile and virtually all your photograph puzzle. By the way, what does oh? Hey, diane's in the house. Um, I'll get to you in one second. So my point is is you chose I think you chose compassion For this part of your journey true morris Because that's what it means to be there for someone is to be compassionate. So in this your earth school your your soul Chose to be compassion. That's probably what I'm suspecting anyway is to be and maybe you're just you have a soul Contract to be there for this person from a past life Maybe it's uh, you were them you were the man in a past life and this is your turn to turn it to pay it back Kind of thing. Those are a lot of the different soul possibilities All right Diane's in the house Hi, um, hi I'm a bit shy. Um Can you be a more centered to the camera? Uh, uh, no, no, no. Okay. Yeah, all right That all right that way. That's perfect. Where are you calling from? Um, england. Okay. Wow. It must be past your bedtime Yeah, it is. Um, I met a guy, um in october I met him from a dating website and um He told me, um straight from the off that He wanted a relationship um, he wanted to get to know me and um He said to me that If I play him then he will walk Okay, and I said to him that I don't do bed hopping So if you bed hop then I'm gone So we more or less laid our cards on the table Um, and we met a year ago. He said that to you Yeah Oh, wow. That's usually the other way around. So, okay sounds good so far so, um Yeah, um, we met um We spent, um the afternoon and evening together walking talking getting to know each other Okay, um, we were on the phone continuous every day um Calling each other and he was an open book Okay, um And I've been an open book and it was was going really well and then, um Uh He was gonna come To stay with me How far apart did you two left? We live about 50 miles 50 as five miles from each other 50 miles Yeah, it it would take me about By the way, thank you for saying it in miles. Aren't you in kilometers over there? Oh Over here. We do it in miles. I think over there in the state you do it in kilometers and I don't know what we do Miles we do miles. I didn't know oh, okay. I didn't know that So, yeah, it's about two hours. I think a bus on the train to get to him so, um Everything was going fine. He was going to come and stay with me in Um to see the new year In with me But then his Brother went into hospital Okay, um He I didn't know his brother had gone into hospital He was he was going to come to me okay, um and I was I've kept messaging him because To see I had sex at any point No, we hadn't had sex. Okay. How many times were you physically face-to-face with one another? Um video call Uh all the time how many we've only met we've only met once Okay, met once. Okay. Got it. Got it. Got so anyway I didn't I didn't know his brother was in the hospital and he was due to come to me Okay, and he said to me. I will call you tomorrow Okay, then Then that didn't happen Okay, and so I was messaging him Are you still coming and then he said I will call you later So and this went on for two three days Okay And in the end I think I got a bit dramatic with him and I I left him a message and I said If you are done with me just say so have a bit of decency Have a bit of decency and a bit of respect by just letting me know you're done with me because I thought he was mucking me about Okay, because I didn't I didn't know his brother was in the hospital Okay Then he tells me he sent me one message. Um My brother's in the hospital we're Um, we are all up here at present all the family at the hospital at present He said now Now is not the time for drama. I will reach out to you in the new year Okay So I gave him four weeks Okay, I didn't message him four weeks um Then I messaged him last week Okay um and He said that he's just Things are busy at the moment Okay Um, but he will reach out to me at some point. Okay, diane. I'm gonna now ask you ask me a question I have enough backstory I'm thinking because I don't know. No, that's not a question. All right. Okay Okay Um, tell me what you think you you're asking what I think this isn't about what you think. Yeah, you're right Okay, listen blank. Say it to me because of the drama that I've caused Do you think he's done with me? Okay, so Let me just answer yes or no. Do you believe you caused drama? Yes or no Yes Okay, I mean, well, let me be clear about this. So you own that you had caused some drama Yeah, and I Did apologize to him So here's the thing First off a couple things You've only been physically once in front of each other all the video calls all the telephone calls all the text messages Those don't count because people are lonely and they want attention. So those don't count You've only been in front of each other once in the last three months You have 50 miles of distance between the two of you and there has been some drama now He did obviously have his brother in the hospital and he was mostly occupied by that Is he done with you? You know, does it really matter? Like what am I why why? Okay, obviously you would like to see him again. Am I right? I would yes Okay, but don't you want to be with somebody who wants to be with you just say yes or no Yes, I do. Okay. So if he doesn't want to be with you You shouldn't care about I mean in other words only give your attention to someone who wants to give you their attention Yes, of course, of course So is this done? most likely Most likely but you know if I said a hundred percent you're not going to believe me But the problem is you're going to be like that movie dumb and dumber. So you're saying I have a chance, right? There's I mean I can always No, the way I'm seeing it in the moment is um Well, I'm thinking he um By the way, we have a quote post here that says you're blaming yourself because he gaslit you Well, I want to address that comment by her because you have admitted you created drama so So it's hard to say if he now I suspect he created some drama as well By not being as articulate about what's going on and this is where Um, this is a lot of miscommunication that happens when it was communicate via cyber But I'm going to say this and we're going to wrap up in a moment. Okay, diana Yeah Rather than holding hope on this relationship just be in your lane There's a there's an expression be in your lane Live your life be in your lane If he wants to see you and you're interested in seeing him then make a date to see each other There's no need to do more telephone calls. There's no need to do more video dates I I highly doubt he's going to do it because men traditionally are rather lazy They want you to come to them instead of them coming to you um, and so, um I would right now focus on yourself Not focus on I mean take him out of your consciousness and focus on your life, which you're most likely doing I doubt it's going to turn around but if it does turn around have more serious conversation But do it face to face Because this virtual relationship will drag out for years and you're just wasting your time most likely. Okay, diana Okay, thank you. Okay. Can I give you a big gigantic jot them bear hug? You can thank you Thank you big hugs to you. Okay Oops, sorry about that. So folks, you know what with with respects to dian This is some of the challenges. They spent a lot of time communicating through the phone through a web conversations They built a bit of rapport, which is fine But ultimately you have to have to build the deeper roots of trust has to be done Face to face it takes about a hundred hours of face to face time Just to build the first layer trust and no trust was built And so when she she was simply making a request for some connection he was obviously You know Avoiding it or not obviously avoiding he was most likely avoiding it Then she went into drama mode, which she openly admit she had done He was creating some drama. These are actually, you know, now we're almost moved We're into the realm of two children playing together and they're not doing a good job playing together And that's what I sense is happening in this dynamic So I hope she gets into her own lane focuses on herself right now Because what he does is irrelevant. What matters most is what she does for herself All right, I hope you do that dian and big hugs to you dian Ah All right, I think this would be a great place to wrap up tonight Folks if you have something to share post a comment below, I'd love to hear your thoughts I do my best to read them all in the first 24 hours If you'd like to connect with me or first off if you like this video, please hit that like button Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell as well Also, if you want to connect with me, there's links below to schedule a discovery call with me to see Up working with a coach is right for you. There's my group called midlife love mastery. There's instagram There's the books. I recommend there's my dating vows all listed in the first comment As we wrap up tonight, we'd love to get some additional money for the connor asley scholarship fund Just hit that little dollar sign to donate Um We'd love to collect another 10 or 15 more dollars before we wrap up I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jonathan bear hug of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone that a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love. Let's face it. We can all use more love in our lives I want to thank diane for being in the house and me me and beach lover and escrow love and missy d And margaret and power of chi and true morris and j fly in a net and lighthouse and rosa and sharon and uh nicky And did I say me me maggie? Beach lover barbara for being in the house. Did I say me me? I think I did everyone big hugs Thanks so much wishing you a