 If your spouse has checked out or they're even filing for divorce or want to leave One of the helpful pieces of information that I've given over the years to come to individuals who've contacted me is that Is the concept of the 180 this was created by Michelle Wiener-Davis divorce busting fame and I Have a disclaimer for it. I always talk tell people who call me about I said You know, you really have to decide if you're willing to do this because basically the 180 means you're taking a 180 turn or essentially playing hard to get and The hope is that if you do this your partner might realize. Oh, you're dependent. You're not dependent on me. You're You're confident you can be on your own. You don't need me and then they actually want to come back to you there's something about being needy and Dependent on them actually can push them away So we want to read a few of the different things that are in time and that this entails this 180 entails And then we can talk a little bit more about it So here's some things that are recommended during the 180. Don't pursue a reason chase beg pleader employer No frequent phone calls. Don't talk about the good points in the marriage. Don't follow Don't follow them around the house. Don't follow them to the bathroom Don't encourage discussions about the future Don't ask for family members to help out like your partner's family members to get involved Don't ask for reassurances that things will be okay. Don't try to buy your way back by giving them gifts Don't schedule dates. Don't say I love you Actually start moving on with your life. Don't just act as if but actually do it Be cheerful strong outgoing and independent Don't sit around waiting for your spouse Just you know, get busy do things go with your friends. Enjoy your old hobbies and make sure you're busy When they are still home with you, don't talk too much. Don't push any issue Even if you want to If you ask your spouse, you know, where they're going just don't ask anything be disinterested so One of the things to say is that your partner who your wayward partner They need to really feel that you've kind of gotten picture the clear this picture and wake into the fact that they're done They're serious concern. They're seriously considered leaving the relationship. So you're showing that okay fine I'm gonna just move on them without you The same time we don't want to be cold nasty or angry just pull away Don't be so available as you might Another thing is and no matter how you're feeling Try to be happy towards your spouse and content Be somebody that they want to be around if you're moody or needy or pathetic. You're you know, they're not gonna want to be around you Don't ask them any questions about what they want to do about the relationship until they want to talk about it Don't use your lose your tempo temper. Don't name call. Don't be too excited either Don't argue when they share with your feelings Listen carefully to what they're saying to you Keep your mouth shut. Take care of yourself exercise sleep laugh be confident and There's a few more things here, but just keep moving forward. So I Found this is this has been quite helpful to a lot of people They found that when they've done this when they showed that they can be just kind of laid off their spouse And they can show that they can be independent Then their spouse starts feeling that oh, well You know, it's like hard to get you're they're more attracted if they if they can't just easily have you but again, you want to think about this because it is extremely hard to do and There is the risk that you know, I guess the thought is basically this if you're being threatened if your spouse wants to leave So you could either just say okay fine do what you need to do and it might look like you're kind of agreeing with them and consenting to what they want to do and Then they actually go ahead and do it So you don't want that to happen You don't want them to think that you're actually giving in or that you that you actually want them to continue to continue doing it So that is one risk that you have There's also I guess the thought that you think that maybe there is something that I can do Maybe if I work hard enough, maybe if I convince them to get help, maybe they will turn around so just to kind of check out and Not do anything and not show any interests Could show yours could couldn't you could miss out on that opportunity to save the relationship? So it's kind of a difficult call I mean, I would say that if you're in a situation where they've already filed for divorce papers and you're begging and pleading And they're not doing anything and they refuse to get help and they refuse to reconsider And you have no other course of action then in this case This might be your best course of action because there's really nothing else you can do if you're in the early stage where they're not sure what they want to do You might want to just think along hard and see is this really going to work? Or is this going to backfire? It's my spouse going to actually get it. Are they going to realize that? I'm not trying to tell them that I want them to leave But I just want to let them know that I don't you know if if they want to leave You know, I can be a big boy or big girl and I can deal with it and I can be happy and you know I don't need them. So it is something that you know, use your discretion and think about whether you're comfortable doing it and Whether there might be a possibility to get your spouse on board towards working on their relationship And if that's not the case and you have no other course of action This might be the only thing to do because you really don't have anything to lose at that point once the worst papers are filed Once they're completely done or if there's an affair a Lot of times if there's an affair it's extremely hard to get them to come back Especially when you're having that emotional attachment to somebody else. So you really have nothing else to lose So sometimes doing the 180 is really the answer We love to hear from you any of you who try this to see your experience But we have found some very positive results and we did feel it's really important to share it with you Because it is a different way of going about winning your spouse back