 Come on, let's clap for beer all right final call for Gilbert stand-in Thank you You're hiding on me Let's clap for Gilbert. All right, so you're gonna be number two All right, is everyone ready to hear some upscale talks? Awesome. You're actually second. All right. Our first speaker is Deb Nicholson and Deb is gonna talk to us tonight about Foss awakenings I'm not in control of that part. All right, so just very good That's the second slide anyway, so we're the rebel army sometimes we get tempted by the dark side The first order we don't want to emulate them because one they never win and then two they're evil So we're gonna look at some of their mistakes Evil mistake number one putting all your eggs in one basket. This is a terrible idea Completed here as to one technology come hell or high water. You don't want to do that. This is a bad mistake This is you know why the why the rebels always win, right? Here in the free and open source offer community. We're a little bit more Similar than we are different and so I think we can embrace lots of different technologies But still get along and be nice even if you know some of us like mint for our armor and some of us like GPO You never know a technology you might be using in the future So I think you don't want to be slagging other people's projects because we're all in it together They you know the we're the rebel army. We're the good guys. It won't mistake number two is treating your team Like they are the enemy you do not want to do this if you do this too much you run out of team and then you don't have anyone anymore These guys should probably I'll be wearing red shirts, which I realize is the wrong franchise, but you know what I mean Be nice to the newbies and the people who are doing the unglamorous tasks. This guy could be Kylo Ren for all We know I say that would explain a lot, right? But yeah, no one wants to clean that thing up Um also Not being nice to your team. It's bad for morale. It's bad for loyalty You know a lot of people go out do their thing maybe make mistakes not that not shooting people is a mistake But you know what I mean like it's a Anyway, you will mistake number three the hive mind. This is a bad bad thing for any project Like we must all come from the same place where the same outfits be born in the same weird clone hatchery, etc This does not lead to good development Even if we could clone Linux kernel developers, we wouldn't want to because diverse teams are smarter teams There's research on it. I'm not this is not that kind of talk where I'm going to share research But trust me diverse teams are smarter teams. They're better at finding bugs. They're better at finding security vulnerabilities Whoever green-lighted this this was not a diverse team. You know what I'm saying Maybe not even a very smart team So So diverse teams are better And letting people ask questions you on a stick number four is killing people when they ask questions in our universe It's illegal, but it's also a bad idea because then people don't ask questions. You don't learn things I'm more like hybrid approach might have been really good for the first order somebody on their team probably said like Hey, are we really gonna build another? ginormous expensive spaceship with an external vulnerability that anyone can see from miles away and then they got shot So they did it. Anyway, I'm not I'm not trying to you know, I'm not a fan of the first order. I'm not saying that But you know, maybe like bio weapons or like, you know infiltrating rebel planets They could try a few other approaches even Seages which have been around since before we had buttons on our clothes like just controlling the water and The food or something, you know, but nobody nobody was able to ask those questions. The hive mind didn't allow it So, you know, and then the questions don't even have to come from the present. They could come from the past So, I don't know what they have for Wikipedia in the Star Wars universe, but there should be something In our universe, we have lots of folks with tons of institutional knowledge. You can hire them Evil mistake number five is just being evil It is bad to suck to run the social media accounts for the first order, right? Like hey, I saw you like killing people and taking orders. I have a total opportunity for you So try to be a force for good mentor new people give them, you know, let them drive sometimes Mentoring it doesn't always work Kylo, but when it works, it's worth it. It's a really good thing So just a recap create a safe space for your community where they feel like they can ask questions They can point out problems. They can say I found a security vulnerability You know, it's gonna help you recruit it's gonna help you have a happier project and everything So I hope you will help me in free software world domination in this galaxy coming soon and May the FOSP be with you All right, thank you Deb. All right. Our next speaker is Gilbert stand-in We found him Gilbert is going to talk to us to talk to us about running Oracle in LXC on Ubuntu Hi, so I think this talks probably gonna really suck following that great act It's kind of dry, but we'll try so this is about building Oracle on LXC Linux containers on Ubuntu When I talk to the Oracle people and say Ubuntu, they say huh what when I talk to the Ubuntu people about Oracle They say huh what so I'm in the snowman's land but if you look at the performance data comparing Oracle in KVM with With all the virtual block data planes and you compare it to LXC Linux containers There's really almost no comparison. The LXC containers have much lower latency much higher throughput This slide has a little problem eventually these are going to pop in but your major service providers like Google are all containerized As you most all of you probably already know Facebook is heavily containerized and Twitter heavily containerized so When this slide advances but the point here is that Containers containers LXC containers whatever container version you like they haven't really filtered into the big enterprise yet So there's a huge opportunity for everybody in this room to make a name for themselves putting LXC containers in the big enterprise You know your general electrics. I mean if they'll listen and so Whereas Gareth Gareth my is there a way for me to make this slide advance Yeah, this one. This is the one that seems to be stuck Now there it goes Thank you, Gareth. You did that by thinking somehow, so This is going to have the same problem, but this is basically there are some large hosting providers that are using oh Rack space is heavily using containers. So anyway, here's our Oracle on LXC workflow. It's it's pretty straightforward You build your containers on Ubuntu. You have a DNS DHCP integrated solution of Slides I'm not giving up. Okay. This is just a slide showing How you put LXC on or open vSwitch? You need these files to create the the Veth pairs When you use open vSwitch with LXC Hypervisors we all know they have a lot of limitations that they perform poorly the virtualized hardware performs poorly With containers, you're sharing one kernel. You're getting bare metal performance from your compute your storage and your network And you have better manageability These are some graphs showing the the I feel like I'm being given the hook or something but Showing the performance advantages of LXC you can see you got latency about a millisecond and the KVM You have to use a huge amount of memory compared to what you use for LXC to get the same kind of order of magnitude latency in KVM and that's because My tests have shown that KVM is using a lot of memory even with virtual block data plane You can see how you get much better IOPS in LXC for the same system 46,000 versus about 2,700 in KVM And the IBM did some of these same tests Some graphs here that show some some throughput profiles 16 megabyte LXC And So now this slide okay, so the the and then you can see the profile for for KVM is quite different to be honest I haven't entirely figured out why these profiles are so different. Maybe somebody here probably not sees it immediately I don't feel free to shout out But Very different you have to give KVM again a lot of buffer cache. That's the Oracle buffer cache. That's the SGA that Oracle uses and I will just put in a commercial that you know I see no reason why Oracle shouldn't be run on Ubuntu. I think it's the best OS and I think you know any database should be able to run on any OS some additional graphs on Read latency with the smaller buffer cache LXC versus KVM and then the convergence phenomenon I really love this slide The great thing about using containers is that the container work you do on your desktop or laptop is almost identical to what you're gonna Do in the big enterprise? So when you build pilot systems on your desktop system, you don't have to use all kinds of artificial things like hypervisors and VMD Gays and VDIs Some of the major advantages You know the massive reduction in deployment time with containers reduction in boot up time performance improvements and there's an IBM research report that did a comparison of KVM versus LXC containers and They arrived at a lot the same results that containers are going to give you a fantastic performance So I think it's a great a great revolution in in the Linux space and these are some references if you want to find out more about my work and I guess that's about it All right. Thank you. Good works. Thanks Our next speaker is Lucy Wyman and she's going to talk to us about a gift analysis It's going All right, cool. Hi guys. My name is Lucy Wyman. I'm going to be talking to you about GIFs So this is really just an analysis of the image format that we all know and love So there are several different ways to pronounce the GIF. It's a topic of much debate So there's hardy softy jife all popular The creators of the GIF stated that it's named after the peanut butter So GIF is correct and it has never been debated since they said that obviously so Graphical image format is obviously an image format includes 8-bit colors animation and LZW lossless compression is created by CompiServe in 1987 as an effort to improve upon the image formats at the time Okay, so what makes a funny so GIFs are really like in a text-based internet. GIFs are a way to infuse human Nuance and emotion into things so context and then several types of humor make them funny For example, this tweet is pretty funny. I think but I shared it to my parents and they were like all what? Context is everything like with any human interaction Where it is depends a lot on like how people interpret it So basically the rest of this presentation is going to be me showing you different GIFs And then you last for 15 seconds and then the slides advance Um David Tennant, I think really makes this GIF I got this in an email from a professor being like oh class is canceled jk. I'm really happy I think surreal humor Is also very well expressed in just form because it's so physical right like it's so easy to make a gif That's like wait. What am I even looking at? And that can be really funny Such as no purpose Parody also really shines in GIF format So that's taking something from pop culture and then expanding upon it in a humorous way for instance Kanye Cannot have all of that chowder irony is also very well expressed in GIF form like taking Especially the image and then the text kind of turning it on its head or not quite being what you expect so I'm stone. Don't let me become a deaf and then she does whoops Blue humor is also known as sexy humor. So Those are the kind of just the make you go. Oh and can also be Very funny if well done if not well done, it's just kind of gross Physical comedy shines in GIF since since it's really like Such a visual image format Like GIFs are great basically for physical comedy There's also a category that I like to call cheap humor So in order to find this I googled like cat shark Roomba duck and Google knew what I meant Dead patty humor is also Pretty funny. This one really just speaks for itself. I don't I don't need this one So hyperbole can also be really funny similar to irony it really needs to be well used in order to come across especially in a GIF but Yeah, sometimes going like just a little too far can really make a joke Last but not least the jokes we all love and hate at the same time the puns so Just can be used to express human emotions in nuanced visual format in the web and a lot of times Can be really funny because humans are funny and emotions can be funny and Manatees can be funny. So It's pretty much pretty much my talk There's a few links I use to like find out some information about stuff if you like Jim Carrey You want to click on them and look them up? Feel free All right, thank you Lucy. All right our next speaker is Don Marty Don is going to talk to us about saving advertising Yes, I'm going to be talking about saving advertising in one line of JavaScript and While you might want to I Guess I have too much time because it's one line of JavaScript. I'm not going to take five minutes for one line of JavaScript So Let me ask first of all who's running an ad blocker on their main browser right now Okay, you with your your hand down. What's the matter with you? So web advertising sucks your bandwidth it Introduces malware risks, but really advertising doesn't have to be like that Look at this book by William Gibson. It's a great collection of short stories if you haven't read burning chrome pick up a copy it Predates a lot of what we now know about the internet and and this stuff was written in the 1980s paid for by Omni magazine and in the magazine business the Subscribers pay for printing and postage and the advertisers in this case Dungeons and Dragons The advertisers pay for the content. So if you like those those stories those cultural works you can thank the TSR hobbies people who paid for advertising back then now Micro payments prediction markets Crowdfunding those are all excellent and very promising ways to fund Content if you can understand this math. I hope they'll make that kind of stuff work But for now, yes, there are important cultural works that were paid for by advertising And we need to give advertising the power to pay for more of them so This is what web advertising is today, right? Your computer is broadcasting an IP address. How do we get from? all this great stuff that we had in pre web media to that on the web and That means we need to think about what is the economic purpose of advertising? Advertising is an exchange of economic signal for attention a Signal conveys the advertisers intention of what they're going to do in the market in computer shopper You find out well should I invest in PCI or E is a those ads carry important market information when IBM Invested in Linux in 2000 they put a lot of the money into a big TV campaign Why to convey to a wide audience that the company is serious About a market and it's seriously worth paying attention to now on the web though That signal is lost. It's possible to watch people Give them a specific ad it's no longer a costly signal of the advertisers intentions It's just spam now as soon as advertising turns into a cold call Everyone in the audience has an incentive to block it So what do we do about that? well EFF has this great little tool called privacy badger that will Watch your browsing session for third-party sites that are trying to track you and It will block those sites and keep them from From making ads into a cold call and this is a browser with Privacy badger turned on and the creepy little ads that follow you around and provide no value are gone but these large more magazine style ads that you see on the next web are still there and Tracking protection tools are out there for all the common browsers So you can get it for Firefox. You can get it for Google Chrome even and users Want more privacy. This is a tag from a jacket pocket. It says RFID protected Nobody buys a jacket that has a tag that says RFID amplified to connect and share with your favorite brands Users want privacy as a webmaster Give them a notification the little red box in the upper right-hand corner give them a notification when they're vulnerable to tracking This is the aludo script, which is running a fake tracker You can integrate a tracking protection warning into the design of a site and say look I ran this fake tracker You seem to be vulnerable Here's a fix that will protect you on the browser. You happen to be using you can even go a little over the top You can catch somebody who's running in an unprotected state and you can redirect them to another page that has a crappy ad on it and No content for you message it is completely up to you as the webmaster how you want to inform and nudge and reward readers to help fix Advertising on the web and there's the line of java script. Thank you All right. Thank you Don our next speaker is Emily Dunham and Emily's gonna tell us exactly where the cloud is Yeah, I can hear me my mic's working awesome Um, so I'm a denim on most of the media that matter Q Edana on some of the ones that aren't these talks are available at that URL the same slide will be the last one in The presentation to so before we get going very quick show of hands who here identifies as a real system Administrator a few of you cool. So the rest of you look around see who that is You might want to ask him some questions later. Now who here isn't really like a real assistant men But you have to wear the hat sometimes Yeah, okay, that's cool. It probably seems pretty easy You don't really have to worry about too many backups about too much disaster recovery Because all of your stuff is being done in the cloud Now the cloud is this big buzzword that seems to mean a technological panacea Just put it in the cloud that affects the problem. What does cloud? Really mean Different kinds of clouds out there. We've got serious clouds We've got out of cumulus and cumular nimbus. These just are hugely wide variety for every use case. No, okay Actually, there's the public cloud where you basically rent some subset of somebody else's Server functionality to do your computations if you'd rather not do it on someone else's servers You could use your own you could have a private cloud Which is where you tell your servers to virtualize other servers because they like servers You put servers in your servers and then when the servers break the other servers will fix them sounds awesome on paper right But it isn't turtles all the way down So your computations are actually getting done on transistors transistors live in chips chips live in servers and servers live In data centers So the internet as we know it is comprised of a bunch of computations they're done in these buildings and The buildings need power they need air conditioning Otherwise the servers will literally melt and or catch fire and most importantly They need to be held together by this network of fiber optic cables The cables are owned by a variety of different interests the functionality of the net depends on cooperation between those interests Which is only a little less scary than ship anchors and bulldozers when you're talking about a bunch of wires But it beats the alternative you can get decent bandwidth I will adapt for hard drives in the mail or an SD card tape to a pigeon But you know that the latency just cannot compare to throwing your packets around at the speed of light So now that we know what the cloud is let's talk about where it is I want to just think to yourselves whether you have one server in one data center of any of these cloud hosting providers I'm not gonna ask you to raise your hands that'll be a bit embarrassing so AWS or equivalently Heroku US West one and two are popular regions to deploy your servers into for developers in North America They are also in an area that geologists identify as overdue for a massive catastrophic earthquake If you're using Windows Azure look at that line that the data centers make around the Pacific Rim It's an area politically described as the ring of fire Okay, this is a patient scary. Let's not put our servers there. Maybe we could put them in Europe So if you're doing your computation in the EU you may I'm not a lawyer You may be legally exposing yourself to a variety of data retention laws Let's just copy all the data put it in all the different data centers This is problem where you also have to be able to delete an individual user everything about them because of their right to be forgotten So maybe putting a service overseas isn't the best idea. Let's come right back here into a good old US where Unknowns about national spying and stuff are basically known. Let's Let's put them in some place like the nodes Atlanta or Dallas data center or rec spaces Virginia Dallas or Chicago data center These actually map out an area known as tornado alley because of how often it gets massive massive storms to take out the power for a while It might not be that bad that a center has back up generators. They have redundant networking They haven't a field to last them a while, but At the end of the day your computations are being done in a building on the ground So I hope after this quick tour around the world your judgment about whether to tolerate a single point of failure in your Infrastructure might be a little bit less crowded All right. Thank you Emily Our next speaker is Dave Nielsen and Dave is going to talk to us about Redis functions Hi, my name is Dave. I took a job at Redis labs not too long ago and learned that there's a heck of a lot more in Redis than I knew and so now I'm doing sort of my job my my Role is to tell people about Redis and I thought I'd ask you all how many of you use Redis Okay, how many of you Know that Redis does more than caching All right, so I'm gonna tell the rest of you that it's more than just a cache you can use that as a database and you can use it as a for message as a message broker and There's so many cool things it does it's actually getting a lot of becoming much more popular these days and you can see here that it's Number one on a whole bunch of cool and nifty categories, but the more important thing is to think of Redis as a data structure store Okay, and that's what makes it really cool and what do I mean by a data structure store is When you think of most databases you think about them having You're gonna store your data in a table or a row right that's like one structure, but that's all you get you get this row to store your data in and With MongoDB for example you can store your JSON in there by the way, I think this is stuck So I don't know if somebody can do something, but it seems to be stuck on this Not sure why maybe there's something in there anyway, okay, so There's a lot of really cool things in there you can do with Redis and there's a lot of the high-flying companies out there that you've heard about Are are using Redis and they're because Redis is so open source There's there's a lot of people contributing to it and making it better and better and better But like I said before like the really cool thing about it is these data structures And when you look inside of Redis you will notice that it is full of all these cool Structures and that's basically what I want to talk to you about This is from 2001 a space odyssey. So here are the structures. We've got strings. We've got hashes We've got lists. We've got sets. We've got sorted sets. We've got bit arrays. We've got hyper log logs That's cool. And now with the latest version We've got geospatial indexes and you can put all these data structures together with the functions Kind of like Lego building blocks. So here's a few examples I want to run through session management some message queues Finding mutual friends leader boards etc. And like I said you combine these data structures with functions and you can create new types of or useful Functionality so here we're talking about user sessions and we're going to use the hash data structure and all you do is you use a function called hset and You can set the variables values in your session and store user information in memory which you can very quickly retrieve or you can use HM set and you can add a whole bunch of values into a session and so it's very very fast and easy to use and Learn now here's another one. We've got message queue. So let's say you want to You have a whole bunch of data coming in and you want to put it and hold it somewhere until you are ready to use it You can use l push and it literally pushes it to the left side I guess on the left side of the queue and you keep adding items along in the queue and then you can Also add them to the right side of the queue if you want to push it to the very front And you're basically building up this queue And then what you can do is you can actually Take that data and you can move it to another queue and guess what we've got over a hundred eighty functions Including one called our pop L push All sorts of cool functions and what that does is you're literally going to pop it from the right side of the first queue and Push it to the left side of the next queue and it all happens all on the server side So you don't lose any data if anything crashes Here's another one called managing tags. So Oh the function is called sad. Well, anyway, it means basically to add to a set and what it's really cool about this is You can add a whole bunch of tags to something like articles and then when you want to find similar articles You can use s enter to find the intersection of similar tags And this will then show you all the articles that are similar to the article you're reading and it's very easy to do again With just simple functions Here's one for leaderboards. So if you're creating a game and You want to be able to see in real time the scores You know scores are changing in real time with massively multiplayer online role-playing games and so What redis does is it automatically as it's inserting an updated score? It's restructuring the list so that when people are reading it in real time They're reading just the list and they're not having to actually do a search or a sort So it happens very fast and again use Z add for a sorted set And there's many of these functions so and data structures So I don't really have time to go into all of them, but I wanted to share a few of these with you a Couple of things I want to share with you about redis. Well, sorry this slide didn't turn out very well Couple of things I want to show you with you about redis is it's it's a very liberal license. So it's It's very very open source and you can you like anybody can take it and use it and do really what you want with it And so you'll find it all over the place. It's kind of becoming ubiquitous You'll find it on lots of different clouds. So you'll find it on Amazon. You'll find it on Google You'll find it on Microsoft. You'll find it on IBM software And again, it seems they've gotten stuck. Sorry. I'm not sure why And so oh, there may be some build on here. That's the problem. Sorry. Thanks for doing that But it's also written incredibly well, it's written in C A lot of people will tell you that if you want to learn about good C program and go read the source of redis And you'll notice that it's actually written very well and then well, I guess we're done here, but Come come check out our booth and I'll give you some free free resources. So thank you very much All right. Thank you Dave our next speaker is Julie Gunderson and Julie is going to talk about how she embraced her sparkle Well, as Garrett said, I'm Julie Gunderson and I'm here to talk to you about how I embraced my sparkle my slides aren't up here yet, but maybe they'll get here So I'm here to talk to you about embracing my sparkle how you can embrace your sparkle and what being a DevOps princess means And you might also get why we're all wearing tiara's out of this. So words have power they have power over how we see ourselves and We use words every day to Describe what we do and that can become part of who we are And so it's important to use the right words to describe ourselves Two years ago when I started at Taos I did not come from an IT background I came from a higher education background and I saw myself as this princess Princess Toadstool from Super Mario one. She was helpless. She had to be rescued by Mario after he killed King Koopa That's how I saw myself because I wasn't using the right words to describe myself I thought PowerShell was what we used in Mario Kart to beat our kids at the race Or what bash is what you did to somebody that you didn't like But because of the community the community of people like you I have been able to change the words to describe myself And now I have a virtual machine to run chef DK and I've done a pull request And that's all because of the community and changing the words that I used to describe myself And it was people like you I've had amazing mentors and people at these Conferences and people who have taken me under their wing and said we want to see you succeed We're not better because we know something that you don't we want to teach you so now I'm the princess Toadstool That flies she picks up onions and huxam at people but the big thing that she is She's part of a team a team to accomplish a goal So when we look at the evolution of princesses over time in the past You may have seen a princess as somebody who was a girl who wore a crown Who would inherit a throne who might be whiny but that is not what a princess is and it's because we can Change how princesses are perceived and everyone in this room can be a devops princess So I want to talk about some princesses that embrace the traits of what I see a devops princess as Which is everyone here and slides that sometimes don't always move, but that's okay because we'll get there So we'll just start with Mulan. Okay. Well, she was doing now We have Bell Bell was empowering. She was very smart. She had all this knowledge, but she shared it She taught the beast she mentored him to make him better. She shared that knowledge We also have Cinderella. She'll come up here in a minute. Oh, sorry. This is Fiona Fiona she saw value in herself and value in others She didn't care if you had green skin or if you were a talking donkey Cinderella eternally optimistic. I mean that girl had some stuff happen to her Anyway, she was optimistic birds saying she her dreams came true Ariel. She was purpose driven She wanted to learn what a fork was what feet did So she left the environment that she was comfortable in and wet and learn new things and then Merida Merida was strong She was set to be married off. She didn't want to be so instead. She took her bow and arrow went out Did the things that she wanted to do and because of that her mother did not live as a bear Which was a really good thing. So devops princess somebody who's daring Empowering sees value in themselves value and others is optimistic Purpose driven and strong and that is what this community has shown me That a devops princess is and you can all again go out there and be a devops princess Not just for yourself, but for others and I had great devops princesses in my life Jennifer Davis from chef Nicole four is going from chef just to get to be it up from chef It actually turns out you do not have to work for chef to be a devops princess though So you don't even have to be a human being we've got ember dog You can be a devops princess by how you treat others And so I encourage everyone here to put on an actual ti or just a mental ti and go out there and be a devops Princess for somebody else in your life because you change one person and you can change the world So I'm Julie Gunderson. Thank you. We have a booth with ti's feel free to come grab some All right. Thank you Julie our next speaker is Justin King Justin is going to talk to us about choosing a framework for your project Okay Everyone so I'm sorry before I start I just want to let you know that I had a tech glitch where I couldn't get my notes And couldn't practice them so I have to look at this Anyway, go on with the slides Go on with the slides. Yeah, great. This is only killing me This dispensers even worse than I thought it would be I can't really do much entertaining except for look a squirrel foreshadowing Still still on slides Okay, so let me get this thing Restart um, you didn't put a full screen. So can you restart? Fine fine. Okay. I'll have to go to that page of notes. Where were the heck is that? Okay Okay, so there's this thing called the tool it um How do I put this it creates objects and hardware and software and anyway The tool has to show early signs that it saves time for your project if it distracts you then it doesn't do its job efficiently Hey, look a squirt. I want to see the person who's All right, so starting over Okay The last two minutes did not happen All right, so our next speaker is Justin King Justin is going to talk to us tonight about choosing a framework for your project That's not actually updated it's choosing a tool anyway, so hello, I'm Justin and that over there is my talk Before I start I want to mention that a tool in my case means something that you can create With hardware and software not a project management Anyway, so what is the official definition of a tool? It's something to create hardware or software hopefully saves time for your project and overall makes your project better so for example What's not a tool something that can be used up or consumed like lettuce over here. No, no, it's not drugs Um However, the tool can break not a final product either All right, so to find the correct tool you need to find a tool that's reliable appropriate for your project and something that your project manager and you can use easily very important Humor is coming But makes not make sure not to choose the tool that is unfamiliar to you and the project manager And make sure it fits your project if any of these bad symptoms apply you probably shouldn't get the tool All right, so here's the fun slide the tool has to show early signs that it saves time for your project It can't distract you Look a squall I told me foreshadowing All right, so if you misuse the tool there's going to be some side effects So you'll get stressed you might get distracted if you're a person like me And you will definitely have buyer's remorse because everyone blames it on the tool cropped image of more glitches if you misuse a tool or by the wrong tool You're gonna have these late side effects after a couple weeks which include being crazy And it's almost too late, but there are a couple things you can do So if all is lost then you may have to stop using the tool duh You may have to get rid of it or just make it so that you're not using it And you have to think of another way to do your project without the tool and then redo it so you have to have help from other people if you're gonna actually get the right tool and stick with it because You can't just you just can't do it alone. You need help from the pros. Also. You're gonna get carried away if you don't All right, your tool needs to be set up fast Otherwise you'll get very tired and have a lot of stress and get distracted. You need to look at the manual first So after 15 minutes of stress take a five minute break 30 minutes of stress get help from a professional When I say wearing the slide I definitely mean very concerned so your tool needs to be timely Otherwise it doesn't prove it's worth and it won't meet your deadline. You'll have to dump it and do it without Okay, so let me explain the slide if you screw up your pant your project with the tool you're gonna panic You're gonna get stressed. You're gonna need outside help and you're definitely gonna have to redo everything your tool broke Not fun. Okay, so these are my personal times their average times So that's completing a whole project with a tool now. Let me explain For example a knife project time depends on whether you're cutting a sandwich in half or carving a sculpture So that's why it's such variable. Anyway The process of using the tool no matter what you think does the tool save you time? Does it bring smiles to the workplace? Does it feed all your pets and do all your chores? Does it bring will peace? Oh, sorry got carried away anyway, so Another glitch if the tool saves you time, then you should probably keep it if it doesn't you should set it aside Or get rid of it. Yep, bleep right off his glitch for sure It's faucet shouldn't do that. Anyway, so So raise your hand just any one of you all pick a random one if you know what either of the tools do and sorry about that last one All right, you Well, anyway, that's hot glue gun if you were wondering Anyway, so yeah, that's an XKCD phone as you can see a whole bunch of weird features 350 pixels per screen. I'd hope so Anyway to summarize Now it's talking about any tool used to create something hardware or software in this presentation I really do like cats and tools have to be reliable save time and do a whole bunch of other things that I discussed Anyway, so here's my contact info if you want to know more Justin King Justin Scott King of Gmail comm babu on IRC Okay, thank you Justin. All right, our final speaker is Corey Quinn. How many people remember Corey's upscale talk from last year? drinking versus admins All right, so Corey really loves Docker You've all heard of Docker because the first rule of Docker is never shut the fuck up about Docker So I'm going to tell you all a story instead. It's called that time my boss destroyed a cubicle It was almost ten years ago, and I've been at this company for a year. They brought a new boss in it was his first week He was looking forward to making a strong impression. Don't worry. He did So he's dressing to the nines which respect he was being very polite. He was being very managerial and One morning. I heard something across the cubicle for me that I'd never heard before in an office environment Shooka shooka shooka shooka shooka That seems a little on the strange side So I prairie dog over the side of the cubicle and what did I see? But well in order to understand what I saw you have to understand what caused it first Now it turns out that in his effort of continuous self-improvement My boss was doing a slim-fast diet and he was also caffeinating heavily So you have some fast powder. We're gonna mix the two and shake it Turns out that when you mix slim-fast with coffee, it generates pressure rapidly All over his shirt all over his keyboard all over his laptop and when I left the company a year later It would still have the blast radius everywhere. It was hilarious So what's the point you're wondering? Why would I possibly bring up a story about the time misusing a container? led to disaster and horrible situations and My name is Corey Quinn and the name of this talk is Docker must die heresy in the church of Docker Originally this talk was called Docker is horseshit the organizers asked me to change it once I did they asked if I wouldn't mind changing it back So we all know how the sausage gets made Developers write code they throw it over the wall to operations and thank goodness that someone else's problem now Life goes on except from an operations perspective. It's not that simple Docker has taken this model and extended it a bit further specifically using the shipping container analogy developers worry about what's inside and operations takes it from port on rail on Tractor trailers, but somewhere along here. We forgot to build roads see once upon a time We had a three tier architecture and environments web servers application servers and database servers You knew what was in all three of those tiers and placement was deterministic you understood what was going on Unfortunately with Docker the architecture deepens a little bit Containers are non-deterministically placed you don't necessarily know where a particular instance is going to live and You really don't quite know where something is going to wind up orchestrated into next but slow down there hasty putting I'm not done See you can't run this stuff on your existing bare metal systems without some serious work because the Docker orchestration system Expects to be able to control its environment through a series of API calls enter open stack This is an actual open stack architecture diagram. This is why I drink so frequently So the problem you have is this giant level of complexity on top of another giant level of complexity at which point you wind up in a Situation where you don't have the ability to hold it all in your head So when it breaks or God forbid someone tells you it's slow Where do you begin? Where do you even start to troubleshoot this sort of thing? Unfortun- please don't misunderstand me I'm not saying never use Docker if you're doing something like Twitter for pets that I personally don't give a shit if it breaks Please use Docker. You're not going to break anything. I care about But if you're doing something that touches critical infrastructure, could we not a conversation I never want to have is 9-1-1 emergency response. Could you please hold we're having some trouble with kubernetes? Well, have you tried restarting the master minion communication? It likes to break sometimes I never want to have that conversation and hopefully I won't have to I'm not saying never use new and interesting Technologies what I am saying is think a little bit about how you're using it What the failure cases are and whether the trade-offs justify the complexity you're bringing? I remember a time we could think about the the environment and hold the entire state in our heads I remember a time when this stuff was simpler and I remember a time when this puppies chocolate covered fur was white If you've enjoyed this talk, please come on Sunday to my terrible ideas and get talk where I give a live demo using Docker There we go All right, thank you Corey one more round of applause for all of our upscale speakers All right, we're gonna take a couple of minutes to set up for bad voltage The bar is open so please help yourself to a drink if you have a drink ticket If not, there should be people floating around handing them out