 Good morning to you very good morning to you. This is Power Talk and today it's not with Ram. I am sitting in for Ramagoko. My name is Stephanie Ayeta and a great show awaits you. It's going to be as powerful as it usually is and we're going to talk about something very interesting. But before we get to the topic, you can interact with us on our social media handles. That is at Y244 and the hashtag to use today is power talk at Y244 also at Stephanie Ayeta. And the topic we are discussing today is something that touches almost everyone's life one way or another because it's about relationship and we're talking about what makes a happy relationship. Any ideas? Yes then forward to us on our social media handle. And for that conversation, I am joined with two guests. One is yet to join us. Sorry for that. But currently we have Antonine Jenga who's a counselling psychologist. Yeah and this is not a new face. It's not a new face but today I'm glad to have a conversation with you. I'm going to talk to Ram today. So you think she's a dog? Yes please let me feel ready because I'm Ram. I hope you're ready because we are having a discussion. I did not come prepared to turn that afloat. Yes so let's begin talking. What makes a happy relationship? What I can say is you know a happy relationship is individual and different partners or different couples define their own happiness based on how they want it to be in their relationship. You know in a psychological perspective I'd say the most important thing that makes a happy relationship is communication. You know I'm a counsellor and I've had clients with different issues to do with communication. You know communication is actually the most important thing and I mean talk about communication. I don't mean only a long distance relationship but also a relationship that maybe we're on a long killer time. You know communication is the key thing and if there's no communication trust to me a relationship nothing can work because trust to me. I am busy all the time. One thing I believe is there's nothing like a partner or your partner saying I am busy I am busy all the time. So they don't have time for you. Exactly. They are breaks. Yeah. 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes. Is that break you can check up but you know they are partners actually and some of the clients have heard as they say that their partners call them two weeks after. How do you expect this relationship of ours to build if you're not communicating to me actually communication is one of the love languages. Yeah and and does it you know is it for both sides the man and the woman are communication here the ladies being a love language communication here both both sides you know as much as you know a lady is the same way a man needs a lady to communicate. Okay. So it doesn't mean that when it comes to communication in the gender in a communication both of us should communicate it shows actually how much you really you really value this relationship and if you communicate it means you're seeing this relationship in the long term aspect you're not looking at it in the short term aspect but the moment you have a partner if you're watching and your partner does not communicate it means that it communicates indirectly that this partner of yours is viewing this relationship with a short term basis but if it is communication and I talk about communication is communication here when I'm called once a week it doesn't matter it's a matter of you call three times a day you can just call once a day it is very important because I'm busy I took a minute or 10 before lale just call how you machine that you machine up or you know and when you when you speak of communication you're mostly uh alluding to calls yes and what about to money I'm not a person to you know I'm not I don't like calling a lot I prefer texting so is that communication enough for like after every day every day you know calling but you're texting me is that communication still uh it is communication as I started I said you know when it comes to making a happy relationship it all depends on an individual or it all depends with the partners or the couples in that in that relationship so if you are couples you are your partners maybe you are married or maybe you're in that stage of dating or courtship and you're okay with your partner maybe not calling because maybe job here in a in a lot of text it is fine if you're okay with it it is fine because we can talk about communication and calling and all that for example her and our nanga calling is too much for them maybe they're not a call person they're better text but if it is okay for you then why not but I usually uh usually when it comes to communication communicate communication does not actually have to do with only calling you can text you can uh you can communicate in whichever angle you want whichever way you want to communicate it doesn't uh it's a limit communication that's that's it so what happens uh in the case of making both parties happy in the case that that the man loves texting and the lady loves calling so what how do you meet katikati the man loves texting and the lady loves calling calling yeah and you both want you know a happy relationship uh before you start even this relationship you have to now um have a conversation one on one not via call or not via text you know I usually believe talking of that let me let me say something I usually believe even if it comes to a situation whereby you feel that like you feel like this relationship not heading somewhere and you want to end it or you want to call it quits I don't I don't advocate for calling it quits via call or text you better meet up the same same way you started this relationship the same way yes exactly I don't I don't love calls because of this and that if it is valid enough then why not if you both of you are into each other you will you will try as much as possible to understand your partner so communication is one of the um ways to make a relationship happy but there's also another thing yeah you can mention the love languages the love language knowing your partner's love language do you know the love languages yeah I I believe I tell me the love languages so questions have begun just tell me if it is too lovely okay for a lady let's say for you now what are some of the love languages you do want a man to do for you uh some of the love languages I would want to be constantly be reaffirmed that they love be affirmation affirmation and what else gifts I love gifts exactly that's that's the second love language there is also quality time yes quality time so there's these words there's somebody who maybe loves the word of information and talk about words of affirmation it's uh you know it's important even though your your love language is not words of affirmation every every relationship every partner you know you make you make my days you're my world you're you're my prayer request you came to me in a full package you know such such sweet words as some of the things that pushes the relationship but the first one was affirmation that those who love gifts and that those who love quality time let me tell you something quality time is one of the major love languages because I believe you cannot your relationship cannot be happy your relationship cannot move forward if you don't give each other quality time and not talk about quality time not just time but quality time not just spending not just not just time not just time because they are time exactly so what is quality time quality time is when you spend time together maybe you just don't spend time for 30 minutes 15 minutes you spend time and bond and talk about the future the goals and meet up quality time is not meeting once a week quality time is making time not only meeting indoors because there are relationships you know partner partner work you know it is important actually there are people who would say there is that there is that but the moment you just decide and take your partner because I don't mean expensive dates there are those people who love just going somewhere maybe there is green grass and when they know snacks and when they are expensive even a walk yes even a walk you can take a walk that's that's one of the quality times so you need to you need to notice you need to realize what your partner loves and actually this conversation a lot of language should start even before you you begin this relationship okay so exactly let's begin from the different stages of our relationship so we start with dating no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no oh right Before you decide to be with this partner and you know when you talk about when I talk about being this partner. I don't mean just dating. But you know at the moment I talk to date them to one girl younger to short term, a long term aspect to a dating marriage. So before it gets to marriage, the first thing which is the most important thing and the people normally forget is friendship. Friendship, that should be the first stage. The first thing. Okay. Let me tell you something. There are people who say love at first sight but honestly speaking there's nothing like love at first sight. Why? I meet you, I fall in love with you. I've just fallen in love with you maybe because of what? How you look. But I have not gotten to know you. So that is not love. That is not love. What is that? It can be last, it can be infatuation. Last infatuation. So where does it take so much on to crash on someone? Having a crash on someone is liking someone. Okay. The relationship before you get married. The first stage is friendship. Okay. And talk about friendship. Let me state it clearly. The moment you now get somebody and the moment now you have said you wanna be, you wanna do life with this puzzle. Yeah. Be it male or female. I usually believe be friends for at least not less than six months. Six months. Not less than six months. And in those six months and one mistake people do make is involving sex. Let me tell you something. Sex in friendship and you had seen this relationship going somewhere will kill it all. You know sex, you talk about sex, it's something so, so tying and it involves spirits, tying and everything. So if you become, you've decided to be friends, be friends for the six months. Know that person well. Don't involve too much feelings and attraction and intimacy and all those things. So what should be involved in the friendship stage? In the friendship stage you just get to know this person. Just get to know what this person can do. You know the basic things in that friendship call each other, but at any once in a while, you know, check up on this person. Show effort. Show effort. If you really want to, if you really see this relationship going somewhere, show effort. So after friendship now for the six months is now where you decide now if you're comfortable you move into dating. Now you move to dating. Yes. Okay. And you talk about dating. Dating when I do it as a define as you come at dating when I do it define you are the people who define dating as going on dates. Yeah, exactly. So some people say there's actually there's dating and then courtship. Yes. So what is dating to you? Dating actually, psychologically dating is that aspect of knowing somebody as more than friends. Man's assessor could involve feelings. Now love has already been involved. So now you're not seeing any other people because what you're dating you're going on coffee day to different people to see which one. When shopping, when it comes to relationship, will you want to shop a partner? But you don't know if you want to be with this, this person. So I'm wondering because you, you're just single. Yeah. And you're being approached by different people. So you, this one invites you for coffee today. You go for coffee just to hear him out. If you're the lady, the other one invites you for pizza date on Tuesday, you know, you go and you hear the manifesto. Another one invites you for another dinner on Friday. You go to see which one you would want to settle with. Is that wrong? What I can say is let me not say if it is wrong or not, but let me tell you this. The moment you're single, definitely no one would want to remain single for the rest of their lives until they're dead. At least somebody, honestly speaking. So even before you think of now wanting to have a partner, you first have to know what you really want. And knowing what you want doesn't mean you should settle for less. You should not, you should never compromise. Let me tell you something. If you're there and you're single and you want to date, never compromise the quality or the character type of a man you want. The first thing ladies on the gang are tall, dark and handsome. Handsome, yeah. Tall, dark and handsome, loving, loyal and caring. Let me tell you, when I talk about compromising, like when I say you should never compromise, I mean if you want to date and you meet a partner who is short, dark and handsome, don't compromise that. So you shouldn't go for a short date? You wanted a tall guy. So imagine this guy is short, dark and handsome, loving, caring and loyal. So when you meet a tall guy who is good looking and has all these qualities, won't you be thinking of this other person, of this other... So I usually say never compromise. That's actually one of the things that people ignore. They compromise on what they want. But someone might say that, you know, people actually say that you're being too choosy, you're being too picky, because they're saying some are unrealistic. You get that person and then you can compromise on one thing because you will look for Mr. Perfect or you look for Lady Perfect and you might never really get to that person. You always get, you might get the tall, dark and handsome but he won't be as caring, you know. So you've gotten all the physical qualities but now the emotional bit or the things that you want, the affection, he doesn't give it to you. So at this point, is it still okay not to compromise? Never compromise. Go ahead and back up to 50 until you get that... Listen, let me give you an example. I have three people here. So when you ask them what they want to do, what they want to pick, now let me give an instance of a man now and there are three ladies. Now, if it's a man, no, no, let me give it an example of now you as a lady and you as a man. That's an example. So number one, maybe you might have a quality tall, dark and handsome, loving, caring and loyal. So number one, is tall, dark and handsome, loving, caring and loyal. Number two, is tall, not dark. But light skin and so handsome. But is loyal, caring and loving. That is person number two. Person number three, is tall, dark and handsome, caring, loving and not loyal. Who will you pick? Definitely not number three. So who will you pick? Why not number two? Because I wanted tall, dark and handsome, loving, caring and loyal. Exactly. But what happens if you don't get that fast? How do you know by not choosing this, the light skin one and waiting for the dark one that you will not get him? How do you know that? Actually, who are you? I'm still waiting for my Mr. Right. Mr. Right, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. You can't miss Mr. Right. No, no, no. People actually ignore Mr. Right and Kohapo. We are talking about knowing who you are. Knowing who you are and who you are. Nobody is perfect. No man is perfect. No lady is perfect. You should never compromise in anything. Nobody is perfect. But let me tell you something. It is very important to never compromise on what you want. So you just go for it. Go for what you want, exactly. The moment now you choose tall, dark and handsome, loving, caring and not loyal. Who will say, what a physical qualities, but when it comes to personality and character he is loving and caring but he is not loyal. Maybe sooner or later, when I realize I have changed, there is nothing like that. Let me tell you something. Change doesn't start with you telling this person to change. Change starts with me deciding I'm going to change. Can I tell you something? When I see someone saying I'm going to change, I'm going to change. Next time. Come and believe. Someday I will notice I am worth. Let me tell you something. You cannot change someone. It's up to them to decide whether they are going to change. Once a cheater, always a cheater. No. Once a cheater, not always a cheater. Until they decide to change. We were talking about other stages. Friendship is not less than 6 months. Now dating, you know this person gets to involve love, intimacy, at least, and dating, you should not date for less than 2 years. Let's say between 1 year, 6 months to 2 years. After dating, we go to courtship. So dating is that long before you get to courtship? Yes. Now you get to know someone. The moment you get into courtship level, courtship level always leads to marriage. In courtship level, there is an introduction. There is a promise ring. There is a promise ring. There is a ring before you get married. Let me tell you something. If you are there and you are listening and you are a lady or a man, let me tell you, maybe you didn't know this, but I usually say, if you really want somebody then the promise ring is a promise ring. The promise ring is when you are dating, and when you have a promise, you will be there for you. You will always be with you. You will respect your love languages and all those things. The promise ring is normally put in this middle finger. The middle finger. This middle finger. This is the promise ring. After the promise ring, now you go to the engagement ring. This one. The wedding ring. After the engagement ring, now you go to the marriage. There are three rings. When it comes to now after dating, not less than one year, six months to two years. Now that's dating. We go to courtship. You get to introduce your partner to your parents or to anyone. When you get into courtship, trust me, it will be difficult for you to get into marriage. Most relationships end in the courtship angle. Most relationships end after they have introduced their partners to their parents. Exactly. When you introduce them, or when you introduce them, there are issues. How do you get past dating to courtship without realizing the red flags? Is it that your partner fails to show the other side the red flag side of them? Your partner actually shows your partner actually shows the red flags. But people are let me tell you something, the moment you get into a relationship, people are so blinded by love. Love is blind. People are so blinded that they don't see beyond that. You know one thing I usually say, before this partner, there was you. You should always come first, take care of your happiness, peace of mind, mental stability, and if this person doesn't give you the three, you should never compromise that relationship. Because if you're not happy in that relationship, you will never move forward. You as a person, you will be mentally disturbed, with anxiety issues, depression will come in, you start having mental health issues, and you yourself will have another self-esteem issue, so it will demoralize you, not this partner of yours. People are normally so blinded by love, but there's nothing like being petty. I usually say this. When you remember, oh you're too petty. There's nothing like being petty. You just know what you want, and you don't compromise for it. If you're blinded by love, you complain, you complain, you get too petty. Let me tell you something, if you're in love with someone, and you're in love with someone, and you're in love with someone, let me tell you something, if you love language and communication, why tell me I'm petty? Don't compromise for what you want. As I said, because you know you, and you come first. Your happiness, your peace of mind always should come first, no matter what. When you come together, you need to compromise some things, because you both have different things that you like, and you need to come and meet somewhere. What do you get to that place of compromising? The point of compromising, I don't think you should compromise anything in a relationship. When you talk about compromising, our society, our culture, tradition, our parents, have defined how we should live in a relationship. Let me use an example of married couples. Married couples who are married, for like two years, three years, maybe the lady is not comfortable in that marriage. Then I end up saying, let me use an example of infidelity, cheating. Maybe my husband is cheating on me, and my husband is cheating on me, and I don't want to talk, let me use an example of infidelity. What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? That's what they say, right? Because you know our culture, our tradition, our parents, you cannot compare their times with our times. It's a different thing. Their times maybe there was no education, they were not learned, there was no that bit of knowledge. That's how it was. If you want to get married, if you want to get mentally, if you want to get anxiety issues, do not compromise anything. No matter what the society says about marriage, one thing you know, when you get into marriage, even before you get into marriage, if you want to get into marriage, forgiveness. But don't forgive to a point that you don't see. You are blinded by forgiveness. You know ladies are naturally, ladies forgive a lot of times. They are blinded. They are blinded. They are blinded. They have a chance, but a lady can't forgive. No matter how many times you forgive your partner, don't forgive your partner that you don't see, you don't identify some of the red flags that your partner does to you in your relationship. If you want to compromise your happiness in that relationship, it means you are not happy. Your happiness has not been... And I want to touch on compromise, still on marriage, but when we get to marriage, but still on dating, how do you make sure on dating and courtship, how do you ensure that there is happiness in that relationship because there are some who date and they are not even happy in that relationship, or some who are courting to take this person home, but because of societal pressure, they are going ahead with the plans. So how do you ensure there is happiness in the dating and courtship? How do you ensure there is happiness if you know that you don't settle for less? You come first at the end of the day. You need to... One thing you need to do is make sure your partner respects you. Respect comes both ways. When you say, respect, but I also believe a lady also loves respect. Respect is... We don't talk about respect, it doesn't matter which gender. Respect goes both ways. And number one, the second thing after respect, number one is respect, number two now is trust. You cannot get into a relationship if you don't trust somebody. I don't believe in that. When I ask you, your trust issues, when you say insecurity, when you realize your partner is insecure, it means that your partner had not even trusted you even before you got into this relationship. Insecurities actually are one of the reasons as to why most relationships and marriages end, because you are too insecure. And that insecurity comes maybe either in your previous relationship. And on insecurity, how do you know that this person is insecure or this person is just loving because some people in being insecure, they call you like 50 times a day and some people take that to be love and then Julia Hurley and they actually brag about it. How do you know this is insecurity and this is just love? How do you know if it is insecurity? Let me tell you something. It means that maybe you have seen something phishing your partner, maybe before in the relationship you had trusted your partner, maybe in your first year, second year, third year, whichever year your story has been secure, maybe you have noticed that your security doesn't just come from anywhere. Maybe you are making a science, maybe you are going to be able to reach out and talk. And text, you are deleting a message. You are starting to date somebody or being in a relationship with somebody. You need not to identify now. This is not about you or personal or individual ideas or views. It is now you, both of you, come in between. It's just one. Ideas and everything. So the moment now when you are insecure, when talking about insecure, when you are in a relationship, you talk to someone. There are people who are actually their partner's WhatsApp. They say, you are not happy. So you are not happy. You are not happy. You are in the wrong place. Is it necessary for you to be happy in a relationship? Very necessary. I think we need to start with this. I think we need to start with this. I think we need to start with this. I think we need to start with this. You know, especially the influencers, because this person is known. Because you are being frustrated in this relationship, you are actually dating and you are still there. Is happiness necessary in a relationship? Happiness is not necessary. Happiness is not necessary. What does it mean? Are you sad? That's what it's all about. So that's why I'm in a relationship of fuller issue. I'm stressed, I don't want to get caught. And I'm in a process of stress. I'm in a relationship that's related to stress. And I have headaches. I laugh when I'm migraines. I laugh when I'm in hard bands. After hard bands, I laugh when I'm in Alsace. After Alsace, I laugh when I'm in H-Pyrore. Do you am too? Do you am too. Why? Why? Because happiness is very important. And you actually need to know what you want. It actually starts from you. Your happiness starts with you. Starts with you. Not with the other partner. You don't have to be happy. Even if you're watching right now and you're single and you maybe want to be in a relationship with somebody, your happiness starts with you. Make yourself happy. You don't have to date somebody because you don't have enough money to buy an expensive restaurant. Why don't you just start with you taking yourself to that restaurant? First. First. Make yourself happy. If you date somebody because you don't have enough money and fame, you won't eat that fame in that relationship. But actually, you've brought another point. Some people say, Khuza, what makes a happy relationship? Money is like finances. So if you don't have the money, then I mean... Money can buy love. Money can buy me love. Yes. Money can buy love. Money can never buy. So honestly, money cannot buy happiness. Yeah. Money can buy happiness. It buys love. I am not even sure. So let me tell you something. When it comes to money, money can never buy love. But money is important. Finances are important in a relationship. Not you being a billionaire or a millionaire, but at least have something. So is finances important? Is it an important factor in a relationship, especially in courting and dating? We live and look at it in the marriage setup. But in dating and courtship, is it important? What I can say is your happiness is important. Finances are just one of the ad-abs, top-ups. So it's one of the factors that will make the relationship. But not necessarily the main factor. The main factor is your happiness. Then finance tops up. If you want to say, I don't have money, I cannot date a broke man. Actually, we are trying nowadays. They say, ah, if you are broke... I wish. ...upon a brokenness, we cannot. If you don't have money, I saw a Tik Toker saying, if... I don't know what's her name, it's a lady. She said, if my relationship... If I had a relationship with money, I would have an option to have money. If I had a relationship with money, I would have money. You know that. But let me tell you something, it all starts with you. If your purpose or your reason for you getting into a relationship is money, then I think you're wasted. But if someone wants money and they think that's where they find their happiness, then getting with a person, not because they love them, but because of the money they have, will they find happiness in that relationship? I don't think they will never find happiness. And if your purpose is money in a relationship, sit down with that person. I usually advocate for being real, by the way. How much money do I have to pay by the way? I don't have to pay. It's not too real. If you want to say, if you want to have money, you need to have school fees. You need to have money. And when you talk about money, the people who actually are dates for ladies, actually ladies who date older men for money, because maybe they needed a father figure. And actually men who date older women because they needed a mother figure. But you know, if you're getting into a relationship with somebody and you need money, you need finances, tell them straight forward. Me, by the way, And that's it. Then that's it. So this person knows. You both know this. Exactly. And then, you know, it is funny that when we talk about now, when we say money and sex, there are people who actually love it when you're real. There are people, actually it is funny that there are people, when they meet, maybe way way, come at Charlie, you'll come and I'll dame for sex. But you don't have to dame at a jam, so you don't have to dame for sex. And maybe you dame for having to dame for sex. Maybe you are in the same angle. So you actually have mutual. Exactly. And you cannot know that if you don't say it. Come and I'll dame for sex, straight forward. If it is, if you come and I'll dame for sex, but I will imagine you have a relationship and you're not, you're not being, your bit of finances are not being met. Your bit of intimacy and sex is not being met. Just because, maybe you don't have to dame for sex, but you have to dame for sex. Then we end up with a break. You don't have to dame for sex. You have to dame for sex. You don't have to dame for sex. Just set it clear. Just put one, be it clear. Yes, make it clear. Before you even start dating. Or before you even start getting into this relationship with this person. Okay. So can we comfortably say that if you have the same agendas or if you share the same goals in terms of what you want in a relationship, then your relationship will be happier. Exactly. It all starts with you and talking to your partner. You can have a relationship with someone. Maybe come and I'll dame for you. You can have an agreement with someone. You can have an agreement with someone. You can have an agreement with someone. You can have a relationship to a point where you can make your relationship happy. That's the most important thing because when you talk about happiness, happiness is individual and it's based on a relationship or a couple. You can have a relationship with someone but you can have a relationship with someone. For example, your happiness in that relationship is respect and not trust. Then it is fine. It is an individual perspective. But it is important that trust is there. Loyalty is there. Respect is there. Knowing your partner's love languages affirming this partner of yours. It is very important. Okay. So those are some of the things that I needed to be there for dating and courtship. Yes. Now can you move to the marriage now? Okay. The marriage setup. What makes a happy marriage? What makes a happy marriage? This is a very tricky question. Tell us. But let me tell you something. What makes a happy marriage is a marriage or a relationship that is in line with what both of you are seeing the future? The vision that you have. Yes. Because before you got married, you had to be vision oriented. Would you want a person who is not vision oriented? No. Who you are now. Actually, you think ladies are attracted to men with vision? Yes. Who have a vision? And also men. Personally, personal vision is actually very important. You can have the brains but no vision. But no vision. No, it happens. So vision is important. So the moment you want to get into marriage, you need to be vision oriented. If your partner is not earning enough, you are vision oriented that at least you make effort. That sooner or later you are going to, you know there are some couples in Ajuli Khan as I, let me mention them. Ajuli Khan and Jugush, Celestine. Yes. The story of Jugush and Celestine, Celestine and Lipi and Jugush came to campus. Yes. And right now where are they? They're doing good. Angalia's story is Terrence Creative and? The wife. Yes. And the wife. How many are going to celebrate 10 years in marriage? Angalia's story is they were not, Terrence was not making that much at Kianza. They were not even, I don't want to make that much. But look at where they are. So that should be, happy marriage. Is your partner vision oriented? Am I an Angalia to say? And should the vision be a common, you know, should it be a common vision for both of you? Because when you come together, you have your vision. Yes. And she has her vision. Yes. So should you bring it together or should you just accommodate each other's vision? What I can say is the moment now you even decide to get into marriage, Kaini tu chini na upat na wako na muskiza ne muskiza iso vision ze nemukonazo. Uyako, your wife, mama your partner before you get into now marriage akona, Fianci, let me use the word Fianci, akona vision. The lady has a different vision. Now the man has a different vision. Kaini tu chini mo agri. This is my vision as a lady, this is my vision as a man. What do you think? Can we fix this? Na kama, kama ni kitu ineza, fixika pamoja na mukuja into an agreement that this is it. Then why not? But I believe that when it comes to vision, you need to, as much as you have individual visions, you need to bring them. Musi eke kwa tia bol na mu, na musi discuss. Kama kona vision, it makes sense when I am honest. You know when it comes to marriage, marriage is not just short term, marriage is long term for the better part of it. You know, for better for us in sickness and in health, to love and to hold. And why did, why is it that nowadays the vows are not too working? Till death do us part. Why is it not like it was before, you know, in sickness and in health because people live each other in sickness. But Steph, I wanna say for richness, for richness and for poor, but I still wanna say for richness and for richness. Yeah. In richness. For richness and for richness. When you have retire, but they have come out. So, what is different about these times? In this generation, Gen Z, generation Z, that we have these in the times, very crucial. And it is funny that I have done my research and most young people work or not, or are also into marriage. And number one reason is maybe because of what they see on social media. No, they're actually celebrities who don't actually advocate for marriage. They're actually so negative about marriage. And maybe you as a person, your role model is a celebrity. Then you listen to what that celebrity has to say. You'll just go and pass the same, same negativity to your friend. And your friend will pass it to another friend and it will just go, evil, evil. So, what I can say is this generation, actually by the way, funny thing is that most, most, most young people, most people in this generation don't actually love marriage. Our, our, our jayaka marriage come a priority. But let me tell you something. Marriage is good. Marriage is good. When you're a couple, marriage is nice. So, if you're there and you're thinking maybe you are not gonna be happy in marriage. Just, first of all, if you're, if you're dealing with that issue, maybe it has to do with your previous relationship. Maybe your childhood trauma. You know, some of those things are one of the things we do in Apatah. When our, our, our, our younger marriage come a priority. Maybe because they say they saw you, their dad physically abusing or domestic violence, it can happen to home source. To them, marriage is nothing, you know. But one, one thing I can say is marriage is good. Marriage is nice. It just, it just depends with how you look in, how you look at marriage. To marriage works. Marriage actually works. But it works if you want it to work. It works if you want it to work. It works if you want it to work. Because if you don't want it to work, when I talk about it, it works if you want it to work, it's not about those physical qualities that you want in a partner. Because now, physical qualities and character and personality are both part of the husband or wife. Because you're not just looking at it in the, in the short-term aspect, you're looking at it in the long-term aspect. Okay. Very interesting. And now, in marriage, because you two are coming together with different personalities and everything. And this is the time where it actually shows. If you're not staying together before, you didn't have a come and stay. So, you get frustrated by that. Does that dull the happiness? Does it, you know, take it away, the happiness that was there? You know, stuff, marriage actually, part of marriage reveals some of the hidden you. You know, there's actually a feature there, how they were behaving when they were dead. That's the moment when you get married and you want to reveal. You know, it is funny that I once had a conversation with a guy. It is so funny. I feel so frustrated because there are aspects of marriage that are related to marriage come up to something so little. And you can imagine if you pass that same idea, that same negative mind to somebody, to other people. So, I try to talk about a whole negative mindset of marriage generation. Trust you, it is actually real and it's a fact that honestly speaking in the next 10 years, I don't think most young people will get into marriage because of what has been fed. You, in the next 10 years, young people will get, most young people won't get into marriage. Because when you get married, what will you define? Nowadays, there are social media couples who are very lucky to have young couples who are up and breaking up and saying, next, they are young and they are up and breaking up. Next. So, you know, some people, some people are young and some people are divorced. There are some billionaires who are divorced from their wife. So, you can imagine if a young person watches that billionaire who is divorced from their wife, what will he or what will be his perspective beyond marriage? It doesn't work and it's okay to leave immediately if things go around, it's okay. Exactly, but when you say about the fact that you get married and you don't want to have sex with your parents, come and go, come up before you have a relationship with someone who has a beautiful face, the moment you are now getting into marriage, you don't want to be disorganized. If it reduces the happiness, to some extent it does, but it all depends on how you solve it. You know, the moment even before you get into marriage, you have to be mature enough because marriage doesn't need immaturity. Doesn't need immaturity. You need to be mature enough to get into marriage. Okay, let's take a break there and then we continue with this conversation when we come back, all right? We are talking about how to find happiness in a relationship or what makes a happy relationship. Let's take a short break and then we'll be right back. I am sitting in for Ram Agucco. My name is Stephanie Ayata and we continue with a conversation on what makes a happy relationship. Just before the break we were talking about, you know, what makes a happy relationship in a married setup, but before we continue with that, we have another guest that has just joined us. This is Sheryl Blessing who's an entrepreneur and a student. Sheryl Karibu. Asante Sana, thank you for having me. How are you doing? I'm doing good. I've been listening into the conversation. It's very interesting. So far, so far, what are you picking and what are you not, you know, for? I like everything that's been said because I agree, especially about with the respect, you being happy, you being whole in yourself before going into a relationship because most people rely on someone else to be the happiness, but yeah. So you need to be happy first before you get in that relationship. And now, as Antony was saying, that you shouldn't compromise when you get into a relationship. Do you agree with this? Because people say, when you get into a relationship, there's a lot that you need to compromise because you're two different people. So what's your take on this? I think first, when you understand yourself, you know what your boundaries are. You know what your limits are. So if you're not willing to compromise on certain issues, then never compromise on it because years later, it will still come back and haunt you. But there are things like, the way you're saying, if you find out that your man comes in, throws socks all over the place, things like that you can understand and be like, okay, this is the kind of person I'm with, how am I going to handle it? So there are things that you can compromise on, things that are reasonable and do not go beyond your boundaries. They do not affect you. They are not toxic, as most people say. But if things pass your limits, if something goes beyond your boundaries, let's say you have an issue where you like when someone is honest, communicates openly, but then you get someone who does not really disclose everything. They won't tell you, this is the kind of business I do, or this is what I do at work. You know, you might be okay with that for three, four months, but then later on, you'll start wondering, why is he not telling me this? What is being hidden, you know? So there are things that you should never compromise on at all, but then there are things that... It's okay to compromise on. Yes, the little things. So you compromise, but have a limit on what you compromise on. I am seeing you nodding, Anthony. So do you agree with this, or you're still old? I agree, I agree with what she has said. I agree with the facts. This is the aspect of a person who is toxic. The small things. The small things. To be to at least one is a more younger person, a man by the way, this is this. But you know, when you sit in a jungle, your partner is obsessively into cleanliness. You know people with OCD, have you heard of OCD? OCD, your perception is... OCD, your compulsive disorder. OCD, your compulsive disorder. It's because of the co-hub. It's because of the co-hub. It's because of the co-hub. So it's because of the co-hub. It's because of the co-hub. It's because of the co-hub. It's because of the co-hub. So you're very compromised because this is the personality. That's actually a personality that people carry. So you shouldn't compromise on this. There are people with OCD are actually so uncomfortable. People with partner with such traits are put to pass-hocs everywhere. And they may be believing in those who are arranged and who are suffering. It will be a challenge. Actually people with OCD are under pressure from the relationship and they are partners as well. And they are again. You know, when you are in a meeting, you say, I'm in a meeting and I'm in a house. You know? I'm in a house and I'm in a meeting. No, let him get it. No, no. I'm so obsessed with those people. I'm obsessed with those people who live in China and live in Japan. I mean, they are so soft. That's a personality disorder. And these people with OCD actually need to get help. Professional help because it can be a challenge when you get into marriage because actually that's the issue. If you are in a relationship, maybe partner with someone else. If you are in a relationship, you are obsessed with Safi and everyone is perfect. You are perfect. I could get to all the expenses. But at the moment, now you get into marriage and I have to complain. And I'm obsessed with Safi. For example, when I eat, I eat. When I'm in a business, I don't know what to do. I'm in a business. I don't know what to do. It actually can become an issue to the man because they are men in this society who believe it's a lady's job to clean them. When I eat, I wash my hands. They are men. But it should be that way. It's masculinity. It's a risk to society. Some people are actually ready to do that. They don't want to do that. They don't want to do that. They want to do that. They want to do that. They want to do that. Actually there is a conversation that we are having up on Ram with Mambo and Rawls. They are in a relationship. And I asked them, and they are supporting a man who live and wash their clothes. They said, what are you doing? I asked them, what are you doing? Are you a man? That's contrary Ram. That's the case. Ram is a man. So, there are things that when it comes to now, people with OCD, it can become a challenge. In other words, a challenge. Exactly. For you, Sheryl, do you think personality now plays a role in how the relationship pans out and if the relationship will be a happy one? So should people match their personalities when they get into a relationship and eventually marriage? Yes. I think it's very important. And I like that he's brought that one aspect of OCD because right now we talk about mental health and all the straits. You have to understand who your partner is. What are their challenges? Who are they really? What are they battling with? You see the little things because they might have even anger issues that you ignore when you start dating. Later on it's going to affect you. You have to understand, truly understand who your partner is internally and then look within yourself. Would you lose it? Can I be able to handle this? Can I tackle? If my partner has OCD, am I able to put this pencil exactly what it's supposed to be for 50 years of my life? You know, you have to really be willing to commit to that personality because if you go in and say we're going to try and make it work, it probably won't work. So you shouldn't think that you're going to try and make it work because it works before it doesn't? Yeah, be 100% sure before you commit especially to marriage. Be 100% sure before you commit to someone, understanding who they are, what their personality traits are and if they align with yours. Because let me give an example of, right now most people like going out, turning up, ladies, let's say a lady, likes going out every single weekend. They like branching on Sunday. They're going out with their girlfriends for cocktails and whatnot. If you're a man and you say I understand that this is who she is and I'm willing to bear with it, you have to know that you should be willing to bear with that even through your marriage, even when she's a mother. Because what if she never changes that? Because when she's a mother, when she's a child, maybe in three years, she'll change, she'll change. What if she never changes that? You have to really align your personalities, understand each other because when you're coming into a marriage, it's not just about the two of you anymore. It's your families, you'll bring children into that, possibly. So you have to think if you're willing to deal with this for the rest of your life. Okay. Yeah. All right. And what if you've said that a person maintains the character before marriage, into marriage, even with you hoping that she will change after some time, but they don't. But what happens now, Anthony, when someone portrays a certain character, I am the type of lady that will clean your clothes before marriage and now I'm into marriage and I don't want to do that anymore. That's not my job, by the way. So you need to also come in and work. And how do I call it? That man with toxic masculinity or the African man, yeah? You wanted your things to be done like this and this and the lady was doing it. And now in marriage, she has changed and wants you to do it because of what the society now advocates for, you know, sharing roles. So what happens? That's instead. Let me tell you something, Steph. Before, after marriage, even before you start dating, you need to have a deep conversation with your person or this person that you want to do life with. You know, the moment now you get into now this relationship, you don't know what you're talking about. You don't know what you're talking about. But when you talk about roles in a relationship or in marriage, I don't actually advocate for that because that's the tradition. Maybe some people will actually advocate for roles. But maybe it's them who will actually advocate for roles. They'll say, you know, you're married to a woman and you're married to a woman. I don't know. Before I started dating, for example, I had a partner and I said, I want you to do a makeup. But when I started dating, I was like... You were like, yes. That's your role. I was like, women's guild. You're like, yes. But before I started dating, I was like, I want to do makeup. You know, I want to have those classy bags. But I don't want to be like that. I want to be natural. I want to be like that because I'm married to a woman. I want to be like that. I want to be like that because I'm married to a woman. One thing I really say, if you have started your relationship with that node, make sure you continue with that. Not continue exactly with that. You say, I want to do makeup. You say, I want to do it because I definitely want to be like that. But you know, at least don't... You see, you see, you see, relax. And actually, one thing men... Let me tell you one of the reasons why a married man cheat is because they are looking for the girlfriend they married in this relationship. The moment they got into this relationship, or this marriage with this woman, she was... Before they got into that, the lady was doing so. She was like, I want to be like that. I want to be like that. I want to be like that. But the moment she was like that, relax. Let me tell you something. Come on, men, you should share that node. You see, if you want to do makeup, you should dress up. But at least try to maintain. Try to look good for me. Because that is what attracted me to you. So just try to maintain that person that you are. Exactly. Don't change who you are trying to show me. If you want to do makeup, I want to be like Dior and Louis Vuitton. Ah! That's why he... I want to be like Louis Vuitton. Louis Vuitton. I want to be like Dior and Louis Vuitton. Because the moment I was like that, I was relaxed, I was like this is my baby. Handbag. Squeeze, I was like that. I was like that. You see, I was like that. I was like that. I was like that. So how will... How will me as a man, 10 years, 20 years after, how will I portray that? You see, I want to be like that. I want to be like that. I want to be like that. I want to be like that. You know what I mean? Do you agree with that? Yeah. And because when men or women too cheat, they go looking for happiness because they say they don't find happiness in their marriage. So we can allude that as one of the reasons why because someone changed in that marriage. Now, still on that point, what do I say Manga? In marriage, love doesn't sustain the marriage. I don't know how true this is. Love doesn't sustain the marriage because at some point, the love fades away. So what remains and when the love goes, does the happiness go too? Let's start with you Sheryl. I think first you should be friends. Through your relationship, form a friendship. Do things you both enjoy doing. Understand each other so that even beyond love, your friends, because even in a relationship, let's not lie. It gets to some point, maybe this man has been doing some things that annoy you till you feel like, do I really love him anymore? But then you're there. Because... Yeah, you have a friendship. Beyond love, love is just one of the factors. It's a very important factor, but it's just one of the factors. You have to have a friendship. You have to have an understanding. It's a partnership. Yes, for sure. Because, let's say, like our parents, it's been 30 plus years, 40 plus years. You will not love the person the same way. Years will, in Takona fluctuate. It's going to be one time, you love the person more. The other time, he just does some things to you. You don't want to see him, yeah? Yeah. Even if you're friends, even beyond that, you'll still want to hang out with him. You'll still want to come back home and be chilling with your man. So it's very important to have a friendship, have an understanding, and then do things that are common for both of you. Do things that you both enjoy, so that you always have something that you can lean back to. So that if you're not going on dates, at least we can go maybe take a walk. We can drive around. We can watch a movie. Things that create a bond, such that even if the love dies down or it trickles down to dogo, you still want to have their company in your life. Okay. So, Anthony, do you agree that love doesn't influence happiness there or from what she says? I agree. I agree. Love is just, no, it's important, but when I say it's true, it's good to be friends with your partner. It is just... But if you think about it, I just want to be friends with you. I don't want to be too much. I just want to be friends with you. I just want to be friends with you. I want to be friends in your whole relationship and marriage. I just want to be friends with you. I want to change contact, I want to save my brother. I want to love him as much as I can. I was it. I want to be friends with you. No, no, no. There are things that at a time when there are times when you are fluctuating, I believe you should maintain that friendship. It's important. Be friends with your partner because if I say, I want to be in the stages of the relationship, I think she had not come before then. If I'm a friendship, she would start. Paint in that friendship, but not I want to be friends with your partner. I want to be friends with you too much. I want to be in the stages of the relationship. At least in line. So at the moment when you have a friend's own mind, it's okay to be friends with your partner. Your marriage is okay. But nowadays, nowadays we talk about marriage and being friends. I've heard people saying that in the moment when you are with your partner, in your marriage, you can't be friends with your partner. You get a chance to date your partner but you can't be friends with your partner. If you are not, you can be friends with your partner. You can't be friends with your partner. Because we are in a relationship in the same time, we are in a relationship where we are in a relationship. How do you maintain your friendship? Imagine you are 50. Yeah, and you're energetic. If you are in a relationship, you are 50. If you are not, you are not. I would. Ahh, you would. Now, talking about that. What is the place of intimacy in a PG kind of way? So what is the place of intimacy? Does it bring happiness in a relationship, study material? I think so. In my opinion, I think romance and intimacy have to always be a part of your marriage and your relationship. Because if you're not intimate with your partner, then you don't really feel attached. It brings some sort of attachment. If they hold your hand, if they hug you, if they kiss you, you'll feel some type of way just by that, the emotion they're showing. If they take you out on a date, it makes you feel some type of way. So I feel like it's very important to still remain intimate throughout. Even if it's just a simple gesture, kiss their hand, hold their hand, something simple to show them that you genuinely still want them and you're physically attracted to them. Because that's another thing that's important in relationships. If there's no physical attraction, it's probably not going to last that long. So that needs to be a factor. And also the way he's saying, you see friend zone partner, he's 100%, have some romance, maybe once a week, decide let's go out, just the two of us, so that you can rekindle that, the flame that you once had. Because otherwise it's going to die down. And people, you know, once we get comfortable, we get to a position where see me in partner, see to my owner, I have a ring on my finger. You feel like you don't need to do more, but you do. Because out here, there's still people who are trying. And you know, you can't just be complacent in the fact that we are married, we live together, we have a family. No, you need to do more to make the marriage exciting for both of you. Okay, so at that point, Antony, would you say that if there is no romance and intimacy in that marriage, then you can leave, then it's okay to leave, you should leave. But you're friends, you have said you can be friends and that's important. So you're friends, when you're making a story, you go from work, you share stories, you do things together, but you're not. So let me give you an example. Steph, I am married to a lady, you're making a story, and no one is going to tell you. The whole day we're not doing anything and we are married. Yeah. But I have a ring, so I go to my bestie, Basik, to go to normal friends. Actually, intimacy is important. Very important. So it's key. It's key. But you know, the moment you ask me, you ask me to be intimate, it will start raising a question, who are you, who are you hanging out with, who are you? Yeah. Are you having some other lady or some other guy out there? Yeah. No, no. So it raises question marks. Intimacy is actually very important. So it is important. Very important. But you see, when you're at your bestie, you say, that's six months of being friends. Please, don't ever involve sex. Mm-hmm. But what do I say? I say, six months. When you're at your bestie, you don't even know who you are. I say, to involve sex, I say. But six months, the moment you've decided to be friends with someone, even before you get into dating and you have involved sex, you have killed that relationship. You've killed it. Okay. Yes. So you preserve intimacy for the right time. Exactly. And that should bring happiness, especially in a married setup. Exactly. Okay. So talk, if there is intimacy. If there is intimacy, don't compromise. Please, don't compromise. No, no, no. Are you agreeing with us? Could you stay in a marriage for two years without intimacy? Ooh. That would be tricky. No lie. But I'd have to see some effort. Exactly. I'd have to understand Are you going through something? Is it work? Psychological? Yes. Once I understand why that's not happening, we'll try and fix it and try to do better. Intinitiate, maybe date nights. I'll try to dress up, look good so that you know. Nice work. Well, cool. You gotta live, you live. All right. And what is the place of having a child in a marriage does that bring happiness in that relationship? Because the couples who generally, because of one reason or another can't have children and marriage is frustrated as a result. So do you think that is one of the things that bring happiness in a marriage? Having a child, I wouldn't say so because when it will answer, because happiness that begins with you doesn't begin with my partner. It doesn't begin with us having a kid. It doesn't begin with you taking me out on a date. It doesn't begin with you telling me how much you love me. It begins with me. But you almost said it has to be things that you want. And this is something that you want. And your partner maybe is the one that can't give you that, you know? It's something you can compromise. Come on, you know, your partner cannot be able to get children. You can adopt. There are always options, but never put a child as a source of your happiness because things can happen. You know, you can never know where the joy of life is. You know, and maybe, how is it for them to give you reasons for learning? Maybe you end up making a mistake, and maybe in the consequence of the mistake you make. So, come on, define your happiness by having a child. Then I don't think your source of being in that relationship, your purpose of being in that relationship is actually genuine. That's, you see, kid, I'm a blessing. I'm a kid who has a lot of happiness. Happiness is everywhere. I make it too happy. I make your partner happy. I make each other happy. But I'm a kid, but I'm a kid. It is still fine. Yeah, the couples who actually are married for 20 years, they don't have a kid, they have adopted kids, you know, and they're still happy. And they're still happy. They're still happy. Because at the end of the day, you are the two people that will grow all together. Exactly. When the kids grow up. Exactly. Okay, do you agree with this, Sheryl, and also comment on the long-distance relationship? What brings happiness to such a relationship? When it comes to kids, I think, first of all, the way he's saying, it's both of you to decide. And then you can find the people who do not want kids ever. For sure. It's not because they can't have them, or because they don't want to adopt, they just do not want kids. If I get into a marriage knowing that, I'd like kids, I'd like to have some kids in the future, and my partner does not want kids at all. And then I decide, no, I can change him, or this can change in a few years. You're the one who has to deal with it. So you have to know, you have to talk to your partner. These are the things you talk about. I think you should speak about finances, mental health, and parenting, or even if they want children. Once you understand where their stance is, what their mindset is about having children, that can add to the happiness of your marriage. It adds to it. It doesn't, it's not entirely on the mind. Because the truth is, yeah, the truth is, children are stressful. It's very hectic. It's hectic. Because imagine, the period when the lady's expectant, you have all those hormonal changes, then the first year of having the child, the terrible tools come after, and then you have to figure out school, all these things. Children should not be your happiness. They should add to it. Once you decide that we want to have children, if you can't have a kid, maybe because of something that happened, find out other ways that you can have children. The best thing is, in this day and time, you can have surrogates, you can adopt. There's so many other alternatives. So consider all those options if that is one thing that you want. And in terms of long distance relationships, I don't know. The truth is, it works for some people, it doesn't work for some people. Because I have been in a long distance relationship. It worked for some months, but then distance is a factor. Let's start from there. You may talk all the time, but first of all, your schedules are off. Your time zone is probably off. So I feel like it's important to, if you're in a long distance relationship, make time to see each other, like as often as you can. Visit them, let them visit you so that you can make it work. If you feel like that's a relationship that you can make work, make time, see each other physically, as opposed to just video calling, texting, all that. Because the truth is, you may feel like, because they're not present with you, they're not there with you, something else is going on. They may feel the same. So that in months, in years, it will affect your relationship. And Anthony, for this, some people say that they prefer long distance relationship to close contact of the normal relationship where you see your partner every, each and every other time, because it limits the times where you quarrel or the times where, especially in a marriage set, it limits a lot of misunderstandings. What do you say about this? We're talking about long distance relationship. You know, your long distance relationship is individual. There are people who are comfortable with long distance relationship. There are people who are not comfortable with long distance relationship. And if you're a person who opts for long distance relationship because you see it as a way of avoiding quarrels and arguments, hey, you are in trouble. It is not actually the best mindset to have. If your mindset is, who are you talking to? What is that? You're not even happy. You're not even happy. Actually, it's interrupting your happiness. And when you talk about long distance relationship, communication is the main factor. The main, but I want to ask Steph. She's asking me. As we close here, ask a quick one. And I ask ladies this question. If you have a partner, a boyfriend, and your boyfriend made it for two years, and you're good, and okay, there are ups and downs, definitely, then financials, 30 years, it's too expensive, it's too expensive. And now your boyfriend is called for a scholarship or maybe a meeting or a job in maybe UK. And in a month, you contract here maybe five years. And now this boyfriend of yours, you have already introduced them to your parents. Why are you laughing? I'm seeing where you're going in this. So would you still be happy? Would you still maintain that relationship? As Sheryl said, you know, let me take it to Sheryl. She said it depends on how you see the future, that you see, if you see a future in that person, then you make it work. So Sheryl, what do you have to say? Let me throw that question to you. As you come to your clothes and give us your final take for someone who's going through something in a relationship and they still feel like they can rekindle it and bring happiness back to it, what are some of the things that they should do and you'll also answer this question as you come to your clothes and also give us your social handles. Okay, it depends. Honestly, it depends on both of you. Are you willing to make it work? Are you willing to make time for each other? And going into that, you have Majorana, cause if you get a point where you've introduced them to your parents, Majorana, so you think you may have a future, try and make it work if you want to. If you feel like it wouldn't, go your separate ways. I feel like sometimes you only know if you love someone once you separate. You let them go. Yeah, then a few years later, then you make it work and it's the best thing ever. So do what's best for you, that's just all I say cause it's up to you internally. I've introduced him or her to my parents. And finally, I feel like each relationship is unique to each and every person. Know your boundaries, know who you are before you get into a relationship. You dive in because you feel like everyone else is dating, everyone else is doing this and that. There are a couple goals that I want. Understand who you are and then go into a relationship knowing what you want and the kind of person you want to be with. If there are issues, and if these issues are mostly about your boundaries being crossed, if you're being disrespected or if you feel like your needs are not being met, sorry, do not stay in that. Address an issue, bring it up once, twice. If you have to bring it up more than four times, it's never going to change. That person clearly does not listen to you. So understand your person, understand yourself, understand your relationship and then customize your solutions to your relationship. Do not just generalize, actually, this people did this so it's going to work for us. No, talk about it with your partner. Figure out a solution. If it truly does not work out and you've tried and you've tried, we think I have all, please go, just go. For your own mental health, for your own wellbeing. Because if you force things, it's going to come back and it's going to hurt you in ways that are so bad you won't be able to recover from that. What's your social media handle? I'm Sheryl Blessing across all social media handles. Instagram, Facebook, you can find me on YouTube. I'm Sheryl Blessing. Amazing. Thank you for the loaded point there. What I can say is just three things. Happiness starts with you. Take care of your peace of mind, take care of your happiness and take care of your mental stability. And if you're watching and your partner does not give you the three, do not compromise that because your happiness starts with you. Not with your partner, not with what the society says, not with what your family or the whatever thing, whatever you wanna say, do not, do not. Take care of the three things. If you want to be happy, if you want your relationship to be fulfilling and happy and sweet, take care of you because you always come first. Do not compromise your happiness for anything or anyone. And if you're watching this and you need any psychological help, I'm a counseling psychologist, whichever issue, relationship, I do all issues. You can get me on my social media at official Anthony Njenga, official Anthony with the H on Instagram, on Facebook Anthony Njenga and on TikTok official Anthony Njenga. And my number is 0725, 029398, 0725, 0725, 029398. Thank you so much. Thank you very much, lady and gentlemen for, you know, helping us unpack this particular topic on the relationship. So that has been Sheryl Blessing and Anthony Njenga. Anthony is a counseling psychologist and Sheryl Blessing is an entrepreneur and a student and we've been talking about what makes a happy relationship. If you have not taken anything from this, just remember that your happiness starts with you as Anthony has said and as Sheryl has said that you can customize solutions to your own relationship because each relationship is unique. You can share your take-homes with us of course on our social media. Handle that is at 02254 and the hashtag is Power Talk. My name is Stephanie Ayata and this has been Power Talk.